Original subtitles

- We're on a whirlwind promotion tour.

We started at six this morning,

it's now 12 o'clock at night.

We haven't stopped for a piss all day.

We've been going all day.

(crowd cheering) (lively music)

It's called rock 'n roll.

(dramatic music)

♪ Crazy ♪

♪ Hey, but that's how it goes ♪

♪ Millions of people living as foes ♪

(dramatic music)

♪ And maybe its not too late ♪

♪ To learn how to love and forget how to hate ♪

(lighthearted music)

- [SHARON] Were you there when she fell down the hole?

- No, but Jack was. - [ROB] No.

- And I was just about to- - You're gonna have...

They're gonna put that leg in a cast tomorrow.

- No, I know.

No, they're not.

No, I was just about to go reach to shake my hand,

so when stepped up on the curb and there was this hole,

it was the exact size of my foot, like that big.

And my foot went plunk, right in it.

And I fell forward on it.

And I was just like, "I feel like such a crackhead."

Why do I always have to fall?

I always trip and fall smack on my face.

- Because you and your dad are accident prone.

You're always doing it.

His leg is still bad, you know?

- Really? - Yeah, it's really bad.

- It sucks when you're both gone,

'cause there's no one to mediate Jack.

- No, no, no.

No. (Kelly screaming)

- You need to not go.

- I have to.

- Where you going, Tennessee?

- No, I'm going to Houston to see my husband,

'cause I miss him.

♪ Gazing through the window at the world outside ♪

♪ Wondering will Mother Earth survive ♪

♪ Hoping that mankind will stop abusing her sometime ♪

- Fucking leg, man.

The fuck have I done to my leg?

- He's doing fine, he's fine.

He's complaining about his fucking leg.

I'm not even gonna tell you.

Huh?

He's obviously been sleepwalking

and fallen down and hurt his leg.

(lighthearted music)

- [MELINDA] Here are your socks, Jack, let's go.

- Uh-uh. - Why?

You're not ready yet?

Come on, put your sockies on, mate.

And I'll give you an OJ and some toast in the car.

- When you say nanny to Melinda,

she actually thinks, wipe my ass, put me to bed, tuck me in.

Bring me coke in the morning when I wake up.

I'm 16 in six days.

Come on, really?

- Please, you can play it when you get home.

You played all day.

Please, come on.

Come on, Jack, please, we have to go.

- Give me two minutes.

I guess, I don't really need a nanny,

but mom still insists, just pissing me off.

- [MELINDA] 40 minutes late for school already.

I'll just call them and let them know

that you're running late.

Come on.

- [JACK] All right.

- Good on you.

- Don't use that Australian pig latin on me.

I have to brush my teeth.

- Go. - [JACK] Shut up.

You're fired, leave. (door clicking)

- [MELINDA] You can get my Christmas present

from in there if you want.

- [JACK] I'm gonna get your broken alarm clock,

so you don't get up in the morning.

- Fuck you. (Melinda laughing)

See you at 3:15.

- [JACK] Bye. (car door banging)

- He's just tired and it's a really...

He's got a very busy lifestyle.

(vibrant music)

(vibrant music)

Jack got home at 20 past four, so I was vomiting with fear.

The thing is, is that I was worried sick, Ozzy,

that he was fucking dead in the middle of Sunset Boulevard.

- What?

- Usually we get along very well

and he's very good and respectful,

but it's just that he's got caught doing something wrong.

And he's pissed off at me, 'cause I told Sharon.

- If he smokes a bong you must tell me,

because he's gonna have that fucking thing

shoved up his butt.

The person whose parents are not in town.

And it's up to your discretion, it's your responsibility.

- Okay, Ozzy.

Bye.

(receiver banging)

- Just not getting along with Melinda too well.

Fuck you, Melinda, fuck you. - Jack.

- No, Jack- - No, Melinda, fuck you.

It's stupid, it's childish. (aerosol hissing)

- [MELINDA] I need you to be back here by 9:30, Jack.

(cellphone chiming) (traffic buzzing)

- Hi, dude.

- Hey.

- Why don't you just do the fucking right thing, son?

It's a man that can apologize to a woman who can't-

- [JACK] Melinda's a bitch.

I can't apologize with a straight face.

- Darling, whether you like her or whether you don't,

she spent at lost a night's sleep

worrying herself to fucking death,

whether you were gonna come home being mugged,

stabbed, shot or fucking arrested.

Just swallow your pride and say, "I'm sorry."

It's no big fucking deal.

She's not gonna get on the roof with loud holler

and go, "Ladies and gentlemen,

Jack Osborne has just apologized."

- [JACK] I don't know how to go, "I'm really sorry

for emotionally hurting you, verbally abusing you."

I'm not all that mushy shit, I'm just like-

- Well you know, I'm paying a lot of money

for your schooling, you're fucking out around

'til 4 o'clock.

That ain't good enough for me, Jack, you know?

It's not all fun and not...

All games and fun and no work.

You've gotta do a certain amount of work.

- He's pissed off 'cause he thinks

that she's told me about his dope.

So has everyone else.

- We've known about your dope situation for a long time.

Don't you think I know what it means

when you order a pizza at fucking 12 o'clock at night?

(camera clicking) - Good.

Hands down, hands down. (camera clicking)

Let's get the little guys in.

(lighthearted music)

And girl, I'm sorry.

- No apologies.

- Just gather around.

Just gather around.

Can anyone get down there more?

- I can get down.

- [PHOTOGRAPHER] Okay, good.

- Watch what you're doing when you're down there.

(all laughing) (camera clicking)

- My leg is fucking killing me, man.

- [Photographer] Okay, hold it.

Ozzy.

Chill out, we're doing it, we're doing it.

- I know, but I got a fucking crippled leg.

You do it, I might be able to jump around on fucking

save the (indistinct).

- [PHOTOGRAPHER] Give me some face, Ozzy.

- Well, I only got one fucking face.

- [PHOTOGRAPHER] That's the one.

That's it, the hands, Ozzy, the hands.

- That's the same fucking photograph

I've been doing for 35 years. (all laughing)

All you gotta do is give them the old photo and paint me in.

- [PHOTOGRAPHER] No, here we go, we're almost done.

- You want to see me walk around the (indistinct) like this.

(all laughing) (lighthearted music)

(lively music) (audience cheering)

- [All] Ozzy, Ozzy, Ozzy, Ozzy.

(lively music)

As the shows were going on,

my leg was getting really, really painful.

I was still doing the leaps and bounds around.

♪ Let me hear your flow sisters ♪

♪ Hey sister, go sister ♪

♪ Soul sister, flow sister ♪

Unbeknown to my wife.

She says," Don't do any jumps."

(lively music)

I can't go up there and stand there like a fucking dork.

(lively music) (fans cheering)

(audience chanting)

I can't fucking hear you.

(audience cheering) (audience applauding)

(sound effects booming)

(audience cheering) (audience applauding)

I've never broken my leg before, so I don't what it's like.

I'm not gonna go, "Oh yeah, that's a break."

- These are copies.

The other thing I'm gonna get sent back today,

and start the MRI results.

Again, not quite as important, but...

- I'm not one of these wimpy fucking guys that goes,

"Oh, doctor, I've got a pain in my big toe.

Please don't amputate."

- He's got one of those boots that with the Velcro on,

because it has to keep being x-rayed, so they can't

keep putting a cast on and then breaking it off.

- It's not a bad fracture, it's just a fracture.

A fracture, it's not life threatening.

It's gonna put me off for a few weeks.

♪ Mama I'm coming hone ♪ (plane engine roaring)

- Hi, daddy. - Can you get a hold of this?

- Oh my papers, thank you.

The x-rays. - The originals.

There's a shaving of a bone- - [SHARON] Yeah.

- [SPEAKER 1] Coming away, and there's a gray line.

- [SHARON] I'm saying yeah, I can't see a fucking thing.

- [KELLY] No, I could see the shaving's there.

- Yes. (Kelly screaming)

(Ozzy laughing)

- You wear the sunshine off your ass.

- [SHARON] Uh-huh.

- [SPEAKER 1] And then, there's a gray-

- Put this fucking thing back. - [JACK] All right.

- [OZZY] Do you wanna see a break?

I'll break it for you. - Fuck off.

- Look, here it is, this loaf. (bread cracking)

(Jack laughing)

(lips smooching)

Look how fat the fucking cat's got.

- [KELLY] She's supposed to be fat, (indistinct).

- She's fucking (indistinct).

- [SHARON] Least she's over her herpes, Ozzy.

- What?

- [MELINDA] Puss has had had herpes.

- Puss had herpes?

- [SHARON] In her eye.

- [MELINDA] In her mouth as well.

- [SHARON] She didn't. - [MELINDA] She did.

- [SHARON] She didn't.

Did he say you've gotta keep it elevated?

- He said I've gotta have a naked lady lying

on me for about the next three weeks.

(Sharon giggling)

- [KELLY] How long do you have to wear the boot for?

- For, it was four weeks.

- [SHARON] Look at the two of you, you could share shoes.

- You are fucking funny, you are.

(whimsical music)

(Ozzy snoring)

- TV ANNOUNCER] Well we at Easy Breathing guarantee

if you snore, or have a loved one that snores

get D-Snore.

It's just what the doctor ordered.

- Kelly's turning into LA trash.

Her fake id, 'cause they have to

get into all the cool clubs.

- John. - [JOHN] Yeah.

- Throw me a flashlight. (traffic buzzing)

- This is a real one, and mine's the fake one.

- Kelly-

- You're gonna get arrested. - [KELLY] It's good isn't it?

- Hey mom. - [SHARON] Yeah.

- Can I sleep over at Sarah's house tonight?

- [SHARON] No, you cannot. - Why?

- Because you're gonna go to that stupid rave,

and you're not going.

You are not going, Jack, no.

- I'm 16 though.

- [SHARON] I don't care if you're 26, you're not going.

- You're so mean. (door clicking)

You are really mean.

- You are not going to a rave.

- You're not going to the rave.

I don't care if you're 26, or 16,

you're not going to the rave. - [SHARON] Shut up.

- Lola would let me go, right, Lola?

(lighthearted music)

- Here's three weeks. - Where?

- To here. - Right to here?

- That's 21 days.

I am sure Nick- - [NICK] Yeah.

- That after this time off, I can't say I'm not a doctor,

but if after two weeks he'll go and have another MRI,

they'll see if it's mending, and then I'm sure-

- Yeah. - After three weeks

he'll be fine. - He just can't be coming home

and doing fucking jumping jacks on days off.

- No, no. - Yeah.

- [SHARON] Oh, for fuck's sake, no, Puss.

- [OZZY] Puss.

(birds chirping) (dramatic music)

- [OZZY] That cat's gonna fucking die, man.

- [KELLY] Well, I can't exactly go and get it.

- Baby, I've got a broken...

- Yes, so do I dad, so do I.

And Jack's a big fat, lazy, stupid bastard.

He's to... (Kelly groaning)

- Fucking animals.

Where is she, did she run back?

Where is the cat, where, where?

(dramatic music)

(leaves rustling)

Come on, Puss.

You fucking dumb shit motherfucker.

Don't you fucking landscape fucking walk at this time.

Fucking animals, I'm gonna batter the thing

over the fucking head with my walking stick.

Sharon.

She's coming down there.

She's coming down there.

(Ozzy mumbling)

Okay, can somebody grab the cat?

She's coming down. (dramatic music)

Sharon.

(Puss mewing)

Where did the cat go?

Sharon.

- Ozzy, you calling?

- [OZZY] The fucking cat.

- [SHARON] Where is she?

- [OZZY] She's here, and she won't come out.

- [SHARON] I'll get her, don't worry, darling,

You shouldn't be doing that with your legs.

- [OZZY] I've got her, I've got her.

(puss whining)

- [SHARON] You're not meant to be doing that.

- [OZZY] I know this Sharon, but nobody else

will get the fucking cat, and I...

I'm trying to. - I'll do it.

Come on now, I want you to come upstairs and lie down.

- I but don't... (Ozzy spluttering)

Much more than might all the kids fucked off.

I don't want the coyotes to get the cat.

(lively music)

Where you been since last night?

- I slipped over at Johnny's house.

- [OZZY] Have you have any wonga?

- [JACK] No I didn't.

- You did, lying sack of shit.

- [JACK] No I didn't.

- You're smoking that evil bong.

- [JACK] No, I didn't.

- Hey, he's been smoking the evil bong.

- Jack, what have you got planned for tonight?

(indistinct chatter)

- [JACK] I don't know. - [SHARON] what?

- [JACK] I don't know. - Yes you do.

- [JACK] I don't know.

- [OZZY] Are you coming home, or are you not coming home?

- Actually dad, I'm gonna go to San (indistinct)

I'm gonna go do crack too in a dark alleyway.

- My house is like a revolving door.

Its like the after hours fucking nightclub.

I'd like that to stop 'cause I'm lying in bed

and there's pinball machines rattling

until five in the morning.

- [SPEAKER 2] Oh let's play pool, baby.

- Yay.

(lively music)

(lively music)

(Kelly squeaking) - What?

- [KELLY] I saw his balls.

- Just turn it down a bit, please.

Jack the base so loud.

I'm gonna smack your bottom.

(group laughing)

We have to try and talk to them.

It's like one continual party.

- Where the games are over, you can't...

It's not a fucking never ending party,

because it doesn't work that way.

(dramatic music)

(dramatic music)

- Curfew, curfew, false ID, curfew and school.

That's what it's about.

- Big Daddy's just fed up with the bullshit.

- We have to put our foot down and that's it.

We have to be strong.

But you'll see Kelly will start screaming.

- She's gonna go fucking apeshit tonight.

There's gonna be World War 3 here.

- We can never have a family meeting without

someone getting all defensive.

- What, Sharon, will you keep the curfew off?

- Uh-huh - Forever?

- Forever. - Bollocks.

- Come on.

- [KELLY] Are we coming in here, or are we going-

- [SHARON] In the other room.

Look, do you...

Tell me this, do you think it's right

that night after night, after night, you both go out late,

you both party and there's no structure.

We've got no structure, we've gotta work to a plan.

- We have to have it...

We have to come to some kind of agreement

about going out, going in.

You can't keep fucking running around town all the hours

in the week, you've gotta...

- I don't know, this is the thing.

I'm not out till two in the morning every night.

- [OZZY] This fucking thing sucks, I hate it.

- [SHARON] Sit here with me, Ozzy.

Listen, can we-

- All right when you're in your room, what do you do?

You play your computer, you fucking play tool.

You fucking...

You're not actually...

You don't go, okay-

- Actually, I'm reading. - Listen.

And you don't because you've got a fucking guilty smirk

on your face.

- Look, last night, 2:30 somebody drops off to play pool.

It's just not normal.

- I haven't paid all this money

for a fucking amusement holiday.

I might as well stay in a fucking hotel.

Would you be allowed to go around their house

to play pool at 2 o'clock in the morning?

I don't think so.

If we say how...

What's a reasonable time, Shannon?

- I think 12:30 in the week.

- That's it then, it's all sorted.

- Sit down, honey.

Kel, can I just talk to you about the ID?

- Mom, I will never use it to buy alcohol.

- How old are you? - I'm seven...

Dad, you know how old I am.

- Yes, okay.

If you get busted, it's fucking over.

Your arse won't even touch the fucking landing strip, man.

You're gone, out of here.

I don't think that you should be hanging around

fucking clubs at 16, 17, until you are 21, because if you...

And you come on with fake IDs, that's bullshit.

- What you and dad have to understand

is that me and Jack have been brought up

very differently from everyone else.

- What?

You mean Bill?

- No, she means generally.

Generally, people in general. - I see.

- We, everyone.

- No other kid. - No other kid.

- Regardless, parents in music editions

ever take their kids on tour.

- I know the way you were brought up.

I chose for you to be on the road with us,

so as we could be a family.

And I always want us-

To be a family. - No, I like that, mom.

I wouldn't have it any differently.

It's just that everyone else is very immature,

and very (indistinct)- - [Sharon] I get it.

- And it's so hard. - Kelly, I-

- Mom, can you, let me finish?

- [SHARON] Okay.

- It's very hard for me to walk into a classroom every day

when I went, and be verbally abused or made fun of.

They still can't get over the fact,

even though it happened 20 years ago,

that dad begged the head off a bat.

It's not fair, I don't like it.

- Would you like homeschooling?

- Kel, listen, that's fine, Kelly and I understand it.

I was the same, I hated school.

- Same here.

- We've all done stupid things, right?

But mom, I don't do drugs.

- You've done then?

- Sit here honey, with me.

Listen-

- I'm referring to you (indistinct),

I will not have dope smoke in my house,

or drugs of any type in my fucking house.

Quit this fucking smoking this shit,

'cause it ain't gonna lead to anywhere

but bad places.

Look at me.

- Everyone thinks I have a problem.

Look, I don't drink because I ha...

I crave it.

I don't smoke pot because I crave it.

I do it because I choose to do it.

- Yet, when I started drinking and taking pot,

I wasn't addicted yet.

But as time goes on, I became very addicted, it's all...

When I was your- - 80% of the population

of this country smoked pot.

- To me, darling, that's no excuse, because you know what?

It's like 90% of the population has a tattoo,

does that have to mean to say you've gotta have one?

80% of the population (Jack laughing)

poke themselves in the eye every Wednesday.

Would you fucking wanna do it?

- No, but you think I have a problem?

- You did admit to smoking it every single day

to help you go to sleep.

- But I wasn't.

- You said you were.

- I know, but I wasn't, really.

Oh, I'm such a liar, right?

Then fuck off, I have to go.

- No, Jack, don't, Jackie.

- Look, I have to go somewhere.

- I know, could you just-

- [JACK] No, because this isn't even

a fucking structured conversation, it's you, dad, and Kelly.

I have no fucking say, so I'm gonna go now, goodbye.

- End of conversation, go back to your normal.

I'll see you later.

Fucking kids.

- Kelly said to me, you know what mom?

I've been thinking and a lot of my friends,

I'm not gonna see them anymore,

- But, but just Kelly- - I'm gonna change.

- But what about Jack?

(lively music)

- Can I order a delivery?

Just one plain cheese pizza. (lively music)

- [ANNOUNCER] Next time I'm the Osbourne's.

- I shouldn't be drinking alcohol, period.

I'll take the dog for the walk.

- [SHARON] He stoned. - Oh, fuck off.

Gotta get back on the road, you know?

- That really pisses me off that dad doesn't want us

to come with him.

It's our dad's birthday.

- [SHARON] He'll be pissed off that we here.

- But he's a bastard if he doesn't want us here.

- Kelly, stop that.

That crock.

♪ Hey, but that's how it goes ♪

♪ Millions of people living as foes ♪

(dramatic music)

♪ But, maybe it's not too late ♪

♪ To learn how to love and forget how to hate ♪

(character laughing)

- [OZZY] Sharon.