Original subtitles

What's up [bleep]?

Sure.

Resurrect... and roll.

[Jack] We may be the first family of darkness,

but not all of us are true believers in the paranormal.

They wanna believe...

Has a ghost ever been caught on film?

[Jack] Yes.

And I have the evidence that will blow their minds.

[Ozzy laughs evilly]

I think you're starting to believe.

She believes.

- [Ozzy] Whoa. - [Jack] What is happening?

[woman screaming]

[Ozzy] Oh, God, no.

[eerie laugh]

Um, all right. Have you ever witnessed something

and no one believed you'?

- All the time. - Yeah?

- Mum? - Oh, yeah. All the time.

Well, witness testimony has to be believable

for it to actually mean anything these days.

Since I haven't been able to make full believers out of you yet...

You need evidence.

Well, we show you the evidence

but what about what the witnesses have to say?

As we're watching these next few clips,

pay attention to the paranormal incident being documented

- but also pay attention to the witnesses. - Uh-huh.

You know whether you think they're believable or not.

So, this first clip, uh, was shot in 2014 in York, England.

Alrighty. We're ready.

- This is weird. - [Sharon] Okay.

[Jack] So, this guy claims he's living with a poltergeist.

Not only that, he says he can get the entity to move [bleep] on command.

Watch this. It's crazy.

[man] Um, if there...

Weird.

[Jack] How [bleep] weird is that?

It reminds me of Poltergeist. Remember when they put the kid on the floor?

She keeps sliding?

You see, it feels strangely exuberant

to be, like, a little bit in control of it.

If you can say control.

[Jack] I don't think there were any strings.

And this one definitely does not have any strings.

This time, he's using a TV remote.

It would be hard to attach a string to it.

And with the force that that thing gets hauled across the room,

definitely not a string.

If anything in this--

Wow.

[man] Whoa.

No!

[Jack] He definitely seems a bit shaken.

And here is an old-school ghost test.

You sprinkle some powder on the ground

to see anything disturbs it.

And sure enough,

in the middle of the night, this happens.

How weird is that?

So looks, so caught something last night. Uh...

[Jack] That could be a draft from a window or a door,

like, could the remote and the basket of fruit moving?

- Very odd. - What did I say?

What do you think about, um, his reactions?

I think he was pretty cool with it, you know...

If that was me I would've been out the [bleep] door.

Yeah.

That was pretty convincing, actually.

If you thought you had a poltergeist in your house,

- would you try and document the activity like this guy? - Yes.

Well, luckily,

uh, I happen to know a professional paranormal investigator

that could come and do an investigation

if you were to have a poltergeist in your house.

We haven't got one.

Just saying, in the event that it does happen,

- I know who to call. - Okay.

[whispering] This guy.

[Sharon laughing] Oh, it's you.

- You silly sod. - [Jack] Yes, it's me.

- [Jack chuckles] - Silly sod.

I also know a musician and a TV host.

- So, you know... - [Sharon chuckles]

Do you believe, Jack, that a ghost could move objects?

[Jack] Um, I don't know.

See, I do believe in, like, an energy

- 'cause sometimes you go into a phase... - You believe...

- and it's bad energy. Right? - Uh-huh.

If you believe in ghosts...

[Jack] Yeah, but I...

What you guys give this on the Woogie Boogie?

[Ozzy] I'll give it a ten.

A ten? Out of the gates? Yes!

- Hold on there. - They were pretty convincing.

- I'll give it an eight. - Mum gives it an eight. [bleep]

It's gonna go downhill from now on though.

- Average of nine. Average of nine. - Uh-huh.

[Jack] I'm into this. Coming out strong.

This next clip

is a UFO that was captured in San Francisco.

Now remember,

try and focus not only on what you're seeing,

but the reaction of the witnesses, 'cause that might give you...

that may sway you.

What in the hell is that? Look at that.

It's an airplane.

That's not an airplane.

It's not making any noise, but when that light shoots...

[man] It is shooting light off of it, bro.

[woman] Yeah. We're going on, like, 30 minutes of footage of this.

Look at that. You're not seeing it coming out of the ground,

like a spot light.

- [Sharon] Is it lightning in the clouds? - [Jack] No.

Aw, look at that little peanut.

[woman] Yeah, this is crazy.

[man] This is the creepiest thing I have ever seen.

Is it a landing strip lights?

[stammering] I--uh, I don't understand why they'd be in the cloud--

I think it's the reflection of something from the ground

- bouncing up. - [Jack] You do?

[man] You got to stop cussing on this video. So--

[woman] You're the only one cussing.

- [man] Goodness gracious alive, there's aliens. - [woman laughing]

Goodness gracious alive.

And they said it was going on for more than half an hour.

Yes. They live here. You would think that they would be familiar

with these kind of lights.

I think it's interesting.

- I don't know what the hell that is. - [Jack] I, yes.

I'm not sure what it is.

I think there's a possibility it could be extra-terrestrial.

What do we give this one on the Woogie Boogie Scale?

- [Sharon] Give it a five. - [Ozzy] Five.

Really? I thought they were pretty scared.

What do you think Bella?

- [Sharon] She says... - [Ozzy] Figure that.

[imitating] I don't know. And I'll give it two.

[Jack] But Peanut was one of her kin.

[Sharon] Yes.

[Jack] It was a little pom.

[Sharon] A little pom...

- Moving on. - Here.

- [Ozzy] It'll be interesting to find out... - [Sharon] Elvis, come here.

I can hear growling between you guys.

- Elvis. [Sharon whistles] - Come on.

Oh, for goodness--

- [bleep] dogs. - [Jack] All right.

I don't think this video needs a whole lot of set up.

It's a UFO that was captured

flying over Emiliawake...

- Where? - Milwaukee.

Um, and, um...

- Check out the witnesses. - When? When?

Uh, this is from July 23rd, 2016.

- Okay. - Pay attention to the witnesses once again.

- Yes. - Let me know if you think what they're seeing is

- believable by their reaction. - Okay. Right.

[man] Look here.

There's another one. Those are alien [bleep].

Those are aliens that come in the same area.

The same area.

[Ozzy] Wow.

[man] Those are aliens coming down here, y'all.

Oh, it's breaking up. Oh, there's six, there's eight.

There's nine! [bleep]

Oh, [bleep] look at that. Oh, look. [bleep]

Good God, they stopped. They stopped. Look at that [bleep].

Those are aliens.

That is [bleep] weird.

[man] Aliens! Aliens!

- [man] Aliens! - Wow.

[man] They're looking at us! They divide [bleep].

They dividing up!

We can't evade it. Oh, look [bleep]!

That's pretty [bleep] interesting.

- [Jack] That's intense, right? - [Sharon] Uh-huh.

[man] They're coming to earth! Oh, they're coming faster.

Aliens! Aliens!

Do you believe that the witness believed it was a UFO?

- [Sharon] Yes. Totally, you could tell. Absolutely. - [Ozzy] Yes.

For me, I actually do believe that this footage

is sky divers.

I put it in

solely because the guy's reaction was so [bleep]

- epic. - It is great.

Remembered Independence Day when all the people are, like, cheering when the aliens are

gonna blow up Earth?

Kind of... kind of what it reminded of.

I liked it.

[Jack] This one is a little different.

We're gonna do an Enthusiasm Scale.

How would you score this on the Enthusiasm Scale?

- Five. - Five.

- [Jack] Mum? - The committee here says six.

Six. I'm gonna give it a Enthusiasm Scale ten.

- All right. Shall we move on? - [Sharon] Yes.

Coffee coming in.

And everyone...

[Jack] Chug. Chug. Chug. Chug. Chug.

Chug. Chug. Chug. Chug. Chug. Chug. Chug. Chug.

Chug. Chug. Chug. Chug. Chug. Chug. Chug. Chug.

[all cheering]

[Jack] Smash the cup. Smash the cup.

[Jack] What's behind the bed?

What the [bleep] is that?

What the hell? [groans]

[groans]

[Jack] Justin [bleep] Bieber.

Watch his eyes.

Oh, no!

That looks like a [bleep] lizard man.

[evil laugh]

How we feeling today? Do you want to be believers?

- I want to be a believer... - [Sharon speaks indistinctly]

so, make me a believer.

Okay.

Are they using daddy's song "Believer" on this show?

- Oh, no. I don't think so. - They should.

♪ I'm a believer ♪

♪ I ain't no receiver ♪

[evil laugh]

Do you guys film things on your cell phone often?

- No. - No.

- [Jack] Never film anything? - No, I can never find it when there's something to film.

All right. Um, now that everyone carries cell phones in their pocket,

it's never before in history

have more things been recorded.

In one second, more

pictures are taken on earth

than in the first ten years

of the camera being invented.

- Isn't that crazy? - Yeah. I believe that.

A lot of paranormal pieces of evidence are being captured

and sometimes people are capturing paranormal evidence without realizing.

So, it's a strange caught on camera.

We're gonna show you a series of clips

and we're calling it Ghostly Photobombs.

It's when people are filming something,

something happens without them realizing.

[Sharon] Right.

Hey, guys.

[Jack] So, look, she's doing some make-up tutorial.

Watch the closet behind her.

That door opens, she hears it

and is, like, what the [bleep]?

Whoa. How weird is that?

Draft.

- [squeaks] - That's a hell of a draft if that's what's going on.

It's a draft.

You think it's a draft? How about the light turn off?

No, sorry.

[Sharon] No.

[bleep] all.

If that was real. And I always say when you show me these things. I think...

What would I do if I'm sitting in there and door slammed like that?

What would you do?

- I'd close it. - [Jack chuckles]

[Jack] What do you give, uh, the make-up tutorial girl?

- Five. - Five. She's very sweet.

[Jack] Are you serious?

Listen. That looked real to me.

All right. I have another ghost photo bomb for you.

October, 2019, North Carolina.

A woman was just hanging out with her dogs, streaming, and then this happens.

[woman] Dogs are ready for bed.

[Jack] Keep your eye on the first door on the left.

[woman] I go to bed my-- What the [bleep] is that?

[Jack] See that figure?

[woman] Oh... [bleep]

- [Sharon] I can't see anything. - [Ozzy] What am I watching?

There's a figure. A dark, shadowy figure here.

[woman] I'd go to bed my-- What the [bleep] is that?

[Jack] Watch.

- [woman] what, oh-- - It moved.

There's something, 'cause the dog is...

- definitely-- - There's somebody there.

- [Jack] Yeah. The dog reacts when it moves. - [Sharon] Yeah.

- There's probably somebody there. - [Jack] Can you see it?

I'm just looking at the dog's reaction.

But I can't see what she can see.

- Would a dog react to it? - Yes.

- Yeah. - I think so.

They say that dogs and cats are very tuned into ghosties.

There's something definitely there 'cause the dog's tail is up.

- It's alert. - Yeah.

Um, so, what do we give that on the Woogie Boogie Scale?

- [Ozzy] Six. - [Jack] Six?

- Mum? - Five.

[Jack] Five?

I'm gonna give it a seven, 'cause her reaction was...

- She was-- She was hyped. - So was the dog.

[Jack] Yes, it's true.

- All right. Shall we move on? - [Sharon] Yeah, yeah.

[Jack] Okay, this clip, date is unknown,

location is unknown.

Okay, guys. Listen to this crazy story, right.

[Jack] Watch the bottle above his head on the shelf.

- I was going to get the milk. - [Jack] Oh.

[crashing]

Someone wanted him to shut the [bleep] up.

[Jack] You think?

He looks genuine-genuinely shook up.

Oh, my...

What the...

[Jack] I don't know.

He looks scared.

How did that just fall?

- No. - Oh, my...

He's a good little actor. He's very cute.

- Six is... - I think that

it's on a string and I think it was set up to get likes.

[Jack] What do you give that on a Woogie Boogie Scale?

- [Ozzy] Six. - [Jack] Six?

Five for his good acting.

That was my grandma's vase.

If you were gonna fake a ghost video,

what would you do?

Well, as the prince of darkness,

you know how to do that very well, don't you?

Just summon Satan.

- [telephone ringing] - Hello.

Probably get a bottle of [bleep] scotch.

All right. So this next clip is from April 2020

in Santa Cruz de La Sierra, in Bolivia.

Uh, keep an eye out for the ghostly photobomber.

[Jack] Watch behind the bed.

Watch right here.

Oh, you see it? Behind the dresser?

- No, what? What? - This is [bleep] weird.

Watch behind the bed.

- Like, what the [bleep] is that? - Hair.

That's hair.

Oh, that's not nice.

- Looks like a dead cat or a dog or something. - Well, look at it.

Oh, it's some sort of Brazilian insect?

It's a kind of an animal.

- What the hell? - [Jack] A Brazi-- A Bolivian insect.

What the [bleep] is that?

- Oh. - [Ozzy] It's a cat or dog or--

No. There's not enough room is there?

- [Ozzy] It could be a cat or animal or something. - [Jack] Whoa.

It is definitely something.

- Yeah. - It's not a [bleep] ghost.

Maybe it's his...

Oh. You see the way it moves back again?

[Jack] Look at that.

- Oh. - [Jack] What do you think it is?

Maybe it's his wig, his hair extension piece.

Just went for a walk?

It's just that... Just was caught behind the cupboard.

Um, maybe.

- Do you reckon? - Hmm could be.

- Do you rec-- - No.

- You're winding me up? Okay. - I am.

- Oh, I don't like that. - [Jack] I'm...

It clearly is some kind of small creature

'cause that can't be more than a foot off the ground.

Maybe some kind of insect.

- Insect-- - [Sharon] With long hair.

- Tarantula? - And it was from Bogota?

- Bolivia. - [Sharon] Oh, Bolivia.

A Bolivian hairy rat.

- [Jack] What do we give that on a Woogie Boogie Scale? - Five.

[Jack] Mum?

- Seven. - Seven.

I would give that probably a seven as well.

- It's very subtle. - [Jack] Uh-huh.

- But I'm convinced. - [Jack] Okay.

So that was our last ghost photobombing clip.

Uh, my take away from that is you're not impressed with ghost that photobomb.

That's okay. Because we're gonna really up the ante here.

Smash that "like" button and subscribe.

This is Osbournes Want to Believe.

- This is my favorite. - What the [bleep] is that?

[Jack] It's a mutated shark.

Ghost throws brick through window.

[man] Oh, my... Oh, my gosh.

- [Ozzy] Spooky that is. - [Jack] It is.

[evil laugh]

Time for our favorite game. [bleep] marry, kill?

Loch Ness monster, Dracula, or the Wolfman?

Who would you [bleep] who would you marry, who would you kill?

You'd... you'd [bleep] the Loch Ness monster,

- you'd marry-- - Loch Ness monster?

- No, who would you-- - Um...

Oh, Dracula I'd [bleep].

- Okay. - 'Cause then you'd live forever.

You'd probably marry the Wolfman 'cause you like dogs.

- Second thoughts I would. I would, I like the hair. - Yeah.

[whimpers]

So, you'd kill the Loch Ness monster?

No. I'd [bleep] the Loch Ness monster.

- [beep] Dracula, marry Wolfman. - No.

No, no, no. I would kill Dracula.

I would marry the Wolfman.

-And-- -She would [bleep] the Loch Ness monster.

- [Sharon] Oh, it's all wrong. - Bye.

[evil laughter]

All right. This is my favorite.

And it comes to us from Indonesia, February 21st 2021.

Do you know what "Baby Shark" is?

- A baby shark? - Do you know what the song "Baby Shark" is?

Oh course.

♪ Baby shark do do do ♪

- Yeah. Our kids dance to it. Yeah. - [Jack] Yes.

- Go on. Okay. - [Jack] Check this out.

- [Jack] This is real life baby shark. - [Ozzy] What the [bleep]?

[Jack] This is real.

That's a shark.

- [Ozzy] Dead? - [Jack] Yeah, it's dead.

What the [bleep] is that?

It's like a mutated shark.

- What's... Is one of them two round things his eyes? - [Jack] That's his eyes.

That's so [bleep] weird.

What's on the side of his head, then?

It's a kind of a de-- It's deformed.

Could this be some kind of new undiscovered cryptid,

a new strange species?

Like, maybe, radiation in the South China Sea has

- turned it into some kind of crazy beast. - Probably

- because fish are coming up deformed. - Uh-huh.

Certain fish.

And this looks like a friendly mutant shark.

[Jack] How cool would have been though, if that thing had actually been born.

- And, like, lived out its life. - A sweet, jolly little thing.

- Yeah. Like, "Hey, everybody, I'm Mr. Shark." - [Sharon] Hi.

[all applauding]

Hello, kids, who's ready for some "Baby Shark"?

[kids cheering]

Kids would love it.

Yes, exactly.

I like that.

What do we give that on the Woogie Boogie?

- [Ozzy] One. - [Jack] A one?

Oh, no.

Disagree. A seven.

- Seven? - I like him.

All right. Moving on.

We're gonna really up the ante here.

- With what? - Something from the vault.

[evil laughter]

[gurgling]

We're doing this because sometimes it's good to take

a deep dive into history when it pertains to the paranormal.

Just so you have an understanding

of how long this stuff's been going on for.

- Lovely. Lovely, bring it on Jack. - This is a unidentified

flying object seen at night in Catalina,

- on July 19th-- - Do you know,

Catalina is good, the place to see UFOs.

I... I have heard that, actually.

We should go.

Well, we could go if you'd stop yawning and you'd stay awake.

Well, stop talking and get on with the [bleep].

But the whole point of the show is--

Is talking. We talk about what we see.

- [Jack] And what we feel. - Yeah.

Tell us of feelings, father.

[scoffs]

[Jack] This photo was taken over Catalina, right around the time

the UFO allegedly crashed in Roswell.

- Oh. - The coastguard took this photo.

This actually began when three Army Air Force veterans

spotted these objects in the sky.

What the [bleep] are we looking at?

Uh, it's UFO.

- It's like a thumb print. - [Ozzy] I think it's a bogus.

[Jack] You think this is fake?

- And... - [Ozzy stammers] I think that's [bleep].

- I don't give that anything-- - I'd say it doesn't

prove anything to me.

It's just a--

Mm.

And he would've had to use a flashbulb.

Do you think this makes it more credible, because they were former...

they were military,

- when this was taken? - No, I think it's a glitch on the...

What do you mean there was former military,

where?

[Jack] When they took it.

Oh.

[Jack] Mm-hmm.

- Um... - And there was dual exposures and all.

Yes, you could've doubled exposed, um...

these cameras.

[Ozzy] I don't give that anything.

You don't give that anything?

Mum, what would you give this

on the Woogie Boogie?

Three.

- What has... - [Sharon] You hear her snoring?

This got to do with...

Because it's one, two, three. We each give it one.

Huh.

Because of the credibility, I would give it...

at least a five or a six,

just because of what happened afterwards.

You know, Roswell happened, days later.

There was all these reports, leading up to it, of strange...

So what you are saying...

No! I just think it's... they've been reported,

people witnessed it,

this guy, allegedly, took a photo of one.

I'm sure you guys are more familiar, with that kind of camera

he probably took it on, than I am.

And I'm sure, I mean, how many [bleep] photos did you take of something moving and

- it just looks like a blob. - Oh, I know, I know.

All right, moving on.

This next photograph is known as the Lubbock Lights.

It was photographed in Lubbock, Texas, in 1951.

A nineteen year old boy, snapped this photo.

And it was actually featured in Life magazine.

[Ozzy] Wow!

[Jack] It's very well respected amongst ufology circles,

and it's kind of, um, it was kind of a big deal,

because there was a statement made by the Air Force.

And back then,

for someone from the US government to comment on something like this,

never happened!

That tells me, there's something to this.

Let's take a look.

Looks like a row of light bulbs.

[Jack] It does. Or...

an armada of alien...

crafts, scouting, for an invasion.

[Ozzy laughs] [bleep]

Camera glitch again.

Or, it looks like an octopus's tentacles, you know, those suckers on an octopus.

[Jack] Yeah.

An octopus? Have you lost your [bleep] mind?

So if this isn't a UFO, what do you think it could be?

- I couldn't think. - It's like something is flying in some kind of formation.

[Jack] Yeah.

It could be airplanes, but they're pretty close, aren't they?

[Jack] Yeah.

No, it's Canadian geese, with lights on.

[both laugh]

[geese honking]

[bleep]

[all laughing]

That's exactly what it is.

[continues laughing]

All right, what do we give this one, on the Woogie Boogie Scale?

For interest, I'll give it six.

- Six? - Six.

- All right. - Yeah.

I'll do the same.

Six, six, six, [high-pitched] mark of the beast.

[laughs]

That is a [bleep] lizard man, if I've ever seen one.

I honestly think, that this is an alien.

[man screaming]

- [Jack] [bleep] Look at that. - Oh, look at him!

[bleep]

[Jack] So weird!

[bleep]

Why do I always wear dark colors, when I know I'm gonna get...

- Uh, okay. - Covered in hair.

- Okay. - It's the dogs.

I know, but why do I bother wearing dark clothes, when this is gonna happen?

Now I look like a bloody Big Foot covered in hair.

I thought you were Godzilla.

Shut up, you.

If I don't already have your complete undivided attention...

- [Sharon] Yeah? - I am going to now.

Oh, no. Here we go.

We have to do a deep dive in a very complex conspiracy theory.

Have you guys ever heard...

about...

the lizard people living amongst us?

- Yes. - [Jack] You have?

[Sharon] No.

Now, before you [bleep] all over this, just humor me, all right?

- [Sharon] Okay. - Open your minds, give me a chance.

Just maybe, you know, squeegee that third eye...

- [Sharon] Mm-hmm. - Broaden your horizons.

- Mm-hmm. - Twelve million people

in the US believe that there is a interstellar lizard species...

in people suits...

and they are living among us, trying to rule the country.

There are many websites and blogs and online forums,

that try to break down this conspiracy theory.

And there's also many books.

The main author of these books is a guy named David Icke.

He claims, shapeshifting, reptilian aliens, control the Earth

by taking on human form.

And they manipulate society by occupying high ranking political positions.

Um, so, I'm about to give you some examples of who they believe are lizard people.

Oh, good.

And there's some stuff caught on camera

- which is-- - Anybody I would know?

Oh, yes, absolutely!

This first one, is about [funny tone] George W. Bush.

[Sharon laughs]

No.

- Uh... - Stop it!

Some people think he is a lizard person.

Does he have a long tongue that...

- Well. - Comes out and gets flies.

His eyes have changed colors.

You see, he's got very blue eyes in this picture?

And then, he's got very dark eyes,

and so...

Everyone's like, "How the [bleep] did his eyes change?"

Now watch his eyes,

look how they're, like, changing shape.

Can you see, they look like...

they look like lizard eyes?

Like cat eyes, I should say.

What am I looking at?

His eyes, they turn to, like, cat eyes.

Like...

What do you think, Mum?

- Nah! - No?

- Nah. - Okay.

Well, check out Donald Rumsfeld, 'cause that [bleep]

definitely a lizard.

Well, I would call him something other than a lizard.

Okay.

Look, lizard right there.

Look... [mimicking lizard]

He licks his eyeball.

- [Ozzy] What am I... what am I looking at? - [Sharon] At his eyeball.

Look, there he is...

- lizard man. - What am I looking at?

A lizard man.

He's a nutter, this bloke.

That is a [bleep] lizard man, if I've ever seen one.

He eats worms out of the ground.

A dripping, oozing, lizard.

What's lizard about him?

He's got a forked tongue.

I don't believe in lizard people.

- You don't? - [Sharon] No.

Are you a lizard person, Mum?

I believe in [bleep] people.

Mm...

Big old [bleep].

But I don't believe in lizard.

[laughs]

I have better, don't worry.

[Sharon] Please!

Ready for the coup de grace?

Oh, no!

Yeah, Queen Elizabeth I was a [bleep] lizard.

Shut up!

What am I looking at now?

She's meant to be a lizard queen?

Yes.

Oh, shup up!

She had syphilis

and she had sores all over her body,

so she used to put this white...

- Is that right? - Yeah.

Riddled with it, oozing.

Dirty bitch.

[Sharon] Stinking!

It does stink, that is.

I wouldn't know.

All right.

Daddy had a friend that had it,

or a work associate that had it

and he could smell him in the hallway.

Okay, you know what? Let's move on.

I would rather keep talking about lizards.

Um, now, our current Queen Elizabeth,

she's got a purple hand, why... why's she got a purple hand?

Because she's old,

she's old Jack, [bleep].

Where's your purple hand?

Shut up!

But the lady's old.

Is that what you get when you get old?

- [Sharon] Yes! - Do they give you a

- a purple hand? - [Sharon] I tell you what, they had--

Look, gloves covering up the scale hands.

No, she always wears gloves.

The thing is,

there was, um...

- what was the... - Look at those eyes.

- Look at those... - Shut the [bleep] up!

Those lizard eyes.

[Sharon] No way!

- Looking inside... - No way.

No Queen--

Just looking inside your soul.

No way, Jack, this is rubbish.

Old people get that

- on their hands. - What are you

smoking these days?

I think you've [bleep] chewed mushrooms on this one.

Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom.

- All right. - [Sharon] Sniffing

- glue. - Don't worry.

We don't discriminate here,

because...

one of Dad's old colleagues.

[judge speaking indistinctly]

[Jack] Justin [bleep] Bieber,

definitely a lizard.

[Sharon] Shut up, Jack!

He's had very...

watch his eyes, watch his eyes.

Oh, look at his eyes...

doing weird things.

Look, you see him blink,

very odd.

- I think you're [bleep]. - It's like his skin suit

malfunctioned.

Look,

- his skin suit. - You know what it's called?

It's called fear.

And a little kid...

like this.

He's in court. He's afraid.

He's a little boy.

So you don't think it's his skin suit having a malfunction?

For God's sake, where did you find this rubbish?

- She's got the worst breath. - Oh!

[laughs]

Um, all right,

so there were reports of hundreds of fans

actually saw Justin Bieber

shape shifting into...

- Oh, Daddy! - A giant reptilian...

- She stinks! - At the Perth airport, in Australia.

Although...

She did chew the [bleep].

Are you serious?

[laughing] No, I'm lying.

And why are you shoving your nose into it?

Because she's my baby girl.

[Jack] Ugh, that is so gross!

We need a break.

[Jack] Brush that [bleep] dog's teeth.

I got two more lizard people and I guarantee you,

one of them is gonna blow your [bleep] mind.

This person is a [bleep] android alien, sent here to destroy humanity.

- Look at... - Now, I've changed,

he is a [bleep] reptile, this one.

You're gonna hold your hands up and if the question is yes,

or it applies to you, you drop a finger.

[Ozzy] Okay.

Presently or has been?

Oh, that one.

Oh, I should do all of them.

I pretty much am.

[Sharon laughs] Jack.

This person... that I'm about to show you,

if he's not a reptilian, he is a [bleep] android alien...

- Oh, for... - sent here to destroy humanity.

Oh, this guy? I'm with you on this guy.

- [Jack] Look at... - Now I've changed.

He is a [bleep] reptile, this one.

He is... there's no emotion.

Look at him and look at his movement.

- [Sharon] Yes! - And look how he just...

He does have a very big... big nose.

He just keeps nodding, look.

Look at him, he's a [bleep] reptile.

- Who's this guy? - Mark Zuckerberg.

He owns Facebook and he's [bleep].

He's a dirty [bleep] dripping, oozing, stinking [bleep].

[bleep] all our data.

Yeah, look at him.

He's lizard, look at his lizardness.

Lizard, look, mm-hmm.

He's emotionless, no, I honestly think that this is an alien.

No emotion, no compassion, nothing.

He is an alien.

So my theory is not wrong, we... you do believe that he is possibly a lizard alien.

No, he's a [bleep].

[Jack laughs]

- All right, let's move on. - [Sharon] Okay.

Now, David Icke...

he's the one who coined the lizard people theory.

Oh, my God.

He has sold millions of books.

He is [bleep] stretching it, this one.

He's a nutter, Jack, how can you take this man seriously?

He's a crackpot.

Look at his sweet haircut, that's how I take him seriously.

No crackpot would have a haircut like that sweet, flowing, glistening mullet.

Look at that.

- That tells me... - Oh, he's got a mullet.

That tells me, he's business up front and he's party out back.

Oh, he's a crackhead, this one.

It's the same thing as Scientology, he's a nutter.

Don't they say in Scientology that...

- We're the spirits of aliens? - [Sharon] Yeah.

- Yeah. - Nutter!

Yeah, so he believes that Adam and Eve were...

the serpent from Adam and Eve was a... lizard creature

manipulating them to eat the apple, the fruit

- of the devil. - Jack, this is just

getting more and more ridiculous.

- [Jack sighs] - You've said that the Queen is a [bleep] lizard.

And now he's the person that's calling the Queen of England a lizard, look at him.

Yes, that's precisely what I'm saying.

This is garbage.

Where would we rank this ultimate conspiracy theory of the lizard people?

[growling]

Zero?

You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make them drink.

No, I'm not taking that, that's ridiculous.

I am going to go ahead and say that you're all narrow-minded.

I'm not narrow-minded, but that's ridiculous.

Mm 'kay, well, we can move on.

Ghosts throws brick through window.

Fabulous!

So, okay, there was a group of ghost hunters,

and they were investigating this abandoned property that had been vacant

for about five years.

-Apparently, -And the ghost threw a brick through the window?

Allegedly, wanna take a look?

Yeah, I do.

[indistinct conversation]

[Jack] This is [bleep] nuts.

So, they're in a house, setting up equipment.

And [bleep] goes haywire, real [bleep] fast.

[indistinct conversation]

[glass breaking]

Oh, my God! Oh, my God.

[chaotic conversation]

No, somebody threw it from outside.

It's a load of old crap.

[Jack] Don't you think that would be pretty [bleep] stupid of them

to have someone throw a

brick through a window, into a room full of people?

- What the [bleep]? - What is that?

- [gasps] Holy [bleep]. - Somebody out there!

- Is there somebody out there? - There's somebody out there.

What the [bleep] do you want, man?

There's somebody out there? There's somebody out there.

That's a load of bollocks!

Are they saying that white thing is a ghost?

Yes, they are saying that that is the spirit.

I think that they were trying to do their version of, um,

y'know that horror film, where the camera was all wobbling and it was the girl...

- Blair Witch. - Blair Witch, that's the, um,

light version of Blair Witch.

Light.

- Do you think that that's a ghost, in this-- - No.

No, I think they are all having a jolly good, wind up time.

Do you think it's a lizard person?

Oh, shut up with the lizards!

I'll give that a five.

On the Woogie Boogie, you give that a five? Mum?

- Three. - Three?

Yeah.

That's okay, we're all entitled to our opinions.

We've had a rough go this episode, we're not ending on a high note.

- That's the end? - No.

- [Sharon] Oh. - We've got one more, two more.

I hope they're better quality than this.

All right, well, we shall move on and find out.

-[man screaming] -[Jack] What the [bleep] is that?

Wow!

[man] [bleep] Oh, there was something in there.

[bleep], marry, kill.

Big Foot, E.T., Godzilla,

what order would you [bleep], marry or kill?

I would marry E.T.

- Mm-hmm. - 'Cause he's so cute!

Um, I'd like to take care of him, with Bella, put them in a basket together.

Kill Godzilla.

- Yeah. - And...

- um... - Marry uh...

So that means, you would end up [bleep] Big Foot.

Yeah!

- God, you're... - I'm very interested in Big Foot.

You're a dirty bitch.

It's a Japanese ghost child.

[mimicking scary music]

All right, so, this comes to us from Japan.

So, there is a old technique,

magicians used to use it back in the day, it was called Pepper's ghost.

It was kind of like an illusionist trick.

It works by reflecting a brightly lit figure into a room,

hidden from view, off a piece of glass

at an angle so it makes it look like,

you know, they're in the room with you.

These next two clips are examples of what people think could be Pepper's ghost.

But I don't think they are.

All right, so the doors randomly open.

[Sharon] Yeah.

And look, when they close,

look, they keep doing this weird thing, no one's around.

- Can't see anyone... - Oh, well.

Now watch, when they close, you see a kid,

sat there, in the reflection.

Camera glitch.

It's a reflection.

It's a reflection of somebody sitting over there.

Yeah but, so you're saying that there's someone there, but when they close again,

they're gone?

I...

[Jack] Look.

So, judging on the reflection, right?

They would be relatively close.

I'm pretty sure we'd see them sitting on that big doormat.

It's very weird.

- [Sharon] Weak theory. Yes, weak. - Weak? Oh, come on!

What do we give that on the Woogie Boogie Scale?

- [Sharon] A four. - [Ozzy] Three.

[bleep]

If that one didn't do it for you, here's another clip.

This is either a Pepper's ghost trick or a ghost.

This is from March, 2020,

in Leeds, England.

These two ghost explorers, they are brothers

and they are checking out this abandoned church.

[man] And nobody went into the church here.

[Jack] And they are about to get the [bleep] scared out of them.

[man] Oi, what was that?

[Jack] Watch.

Watch right here, in this doorway.

[man 2] Hello?

'Ello...

Oh, who the hell was that?

Oh, wedding dress.

[men screaming]

- [Sharon] You having a laugh? - Where?

[Jack] Watch it again.

[men screaming]

It looks like some robe they're wearing too.

It looks like, uh, you know the choir boys,

- that wear those white things? - Yeah.

[man] Oh, [bleep] that.

[bleep] that.

What do we think, was that a ghost,

was that a...

Pepper's ghost trick?

If it wasn't a person, it was ghost.

[Jack laughs]

What would you give that one on the Woogie Boogie Scale?

- Six. - Six?

- Seven. - Seven?

I'm gonna give this a seven as well,

because their reaction was pretty believable and they got the [bleep] out of there.

And if I saw that...

I would get the [bleep] out of there, too.

[Jack laughs]

Well, listen, we've had some...

We've had the highest of highs on this episode,

and we've had the lowest of lows.

How will we ever recover?

I don't know how we'll recover from the lizard people, Jack,

'cause that was a stretch!

I've had an incredibly fun time,

but I'm still not a one hundred percent believer.

Hm, okay.

We're gonna have to change up tactics I think, moving forward.

We'll begin the reprogramming.

Clockwork Orange style, we're gonna just pry your eyes open,

make you watch [bleep] all day long.

[Sharon] To brainwash us, right?

- You're gonna reprogram us. - All right, are we done, then?

Do have anything you wanna leave on... with?

I would like to say that I...

didn't believe in UFOs at all, but I...

I do believe in UFOs, by the way.

[Sharon] Definitely, definitely.

I'm getting closer to them, spiritual world, a bit dodgy, but

UFOs, I'm now watching my own shows on UFOs.

All right, well, that's it guys.

- Thank you, Jack. - Pleasure doing business with you.

- Thank you, Jackie. - Thank you.

- [Jack] Ghost attack! - [Sharon] Oh, no!

[Jack] Let's get the [bleep] out of here.

[Jack] Ah, we can always count on the motherland for safety.

- [Jack] Where's your purple hand? - [Sharon] Shut up!

[Jack] Your Majesty.

Aah!

- [Ozzy] What am I looking at now? - Run!

What the hell are you guys doing?

I should've known.

[Jack] Dirty bitch.