Original subtitles

- Hello.

Welcome back to the Basement Tapes.

It's episode 10 of Season two of The Osbournes. Yay.

- Yeah. - How you feel.

You get a little, you get a little more

of a break in this episode.

- A little more of a break.

- Yeah. We're gonna focus on Jack for a while.

- Oh, no. - No. I don't like that

- Ladies.

Man, Jack. No. Oh God.

But more than anything, we are focused on Sharon

and Ozzy's Vow renewals.

- Oh, love. - Wouldn't it be a foggy memory?

- That was a good time. Just don't talk about the

bill. We'll be all right. It's a

- Good one.

Or the bad one.

- The good one. - The party.

- When was the battle? Beverly? Like Beverly Hills.

- Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh yeah. The expensive one.

- Here we go. Tone.

Can you round up the crew tone?

Geez. Ozzy

and I are gonna renew our vows

with all our friends and family.

New Year's Eve. We're renewing our wedding Voz.

Dad, I look like a baby. Oh, Robert and Jack are ushers.

Yeah. You gotta good A flower. Yes.

- Hey, you might be redoing your wedding vow. Oh, darn.

Fucking remind

- And guess.

Listen to this.

I'm having like a little mockup of Rodeo Drive and Aspir.

Who's that? A nurse is giving away a two car diamond. Who?

That? And you have to get the winning ticket. Oh

- My.

If you cry, I'll throw up.

Because you're not Jewish and you're having a fucking rabbi

reading your vows.

I'm half Jewish. No, you are not.

Your mother was not Jewish. And you are not Jewish.

I'm not Jewish. Jack's not Jewish. Dad is not Jewish.

- See, I feel differently about that now. I'm Jewish.

You know, my wife's got crucifix is coming out of her as

- My father is incredibly Jewish.

- Vi don't give, I give the - Chappo. She

- Mother has to be Jewish.

- For you to be Jewish. Fucking Madonna's Jewish.

Anybody can turn Jewish.

I feel more Jewish than I

- Do anything else.

Yeah, because you're so fucking dramatic.

That's why that should excuse.

- I'm - A Jew. That's an un Jewish

person in the whole entire world.

And you've got some like, ah, excuse me. But my husband is

- Circumcised - Right at the night that she goes,

I want do a rabbi.

I go Anyway.

Why have I spend $8 million converting my house into the

fucking small vatting in the, in Beverly Hills?

No. No. You probably have fucking stars all over the

fucking place now.

- It's so crazy how differently I

feel about the Jewish thing. Now,

- For you, for a Jewish person, you sure like Cro

- Because crucifixes.

Oh, geez. What

- They, she just likes to be reminded that she killed Jesus.

- What are you, what are you feeling cringey about?

Kelly said, I think what I said

- Is disrespectful to Jewish people.

- Oh, when you call her dramatic.

- Yeah. - I mean, well, she is Jewish and she is

- Dramatic. Listen. But still,

- Like, I think, do you worry that people will say

it's antisemitic? No,

- I don't care about that.

Because people know that I'm not, but Yeah.

- But you've got more Jewish girl.

- Or would you say I'm very Irish? No.

Well, my mother was Irish and I'm not a bit

- Irish.

For the first half your life, you, you're a bit Irish. Well,

- You like to fight the Irish.

Like that's that's true. True.

I was gonna say, so you do have that in you.

So do the Jews. Right?

- You're spunky The fucking, the Jews fight.

'cause they have to, not because they want

- To, but they're fighting this up.

This Dennis' taking care of business.

- The Irish fight. 'cause we're drunk.

- Yeah. - Oh, Irish of course.

Oh, mouthy. Fighty

- Fighty.

- A burn in the sun easily.

- I feel like that conversation's like a

spirited conversation you probably would have in

privacy. But

- Yeah, - There was cameras there.

- Yeah. And that - Was the trouble.

You could never say, Jack, I a pimple on my ass.

- Yeah. What prime example? I got icy hot on my balls. Like

- You could never have a, when, when

that, that was going on.

You honest? Yesterday when I said, you got a feeling,

it's like you can't describe it.

It's like a, it's a feeling all and so on.

- Mm. - When you can't, you are aware of cameras.

- Ozzy, why didn't you wanna do the vow renewal?

- Well, every fucking week we seemed to, I mean,

it was just, it was going every, every,

every possible chance.

You know, during the fucking, that wasn't no good.

That was a Jewish wedding.

That was I his fucking out of my fucking fight.

- Out of his mind. Yeah.

- We'll see. We'll see some of that later

for sure. Fuck. You know,

- I think the entire city was drunk because of that posse.

I know. Oh my God. It was nuts. That was insane.

- That's the party where the girl came in

and nicked the jewels.

- Was it the party where that chick got? Oh my goodness. Me.

- Wait. Unrelated to the diamond raffle. Yeah.

Which is the wildest thing I've heard happening at a

- That went on.

That went on for fucking years. Did it?

She'd run into this girl, weren't you? Yo motherfucker?

- Well, because it was meant to go to somebody

that was invited to the party and this girl

- Wasn't invited.

- She gate crashed. - She gate crashed. Oh.

And so this gate Crasher wins this

- Asray.

And she's in the episode.

- Yeah, - I'm pretty sure.

- Yeah. - Because we see who gets the diamonds.

- And then everyone was like, who is that?

And, and then we couldn't figure out who she was.

- Oh yeah. - A guest of

- You're gonna hate that.

Yeah. It's very, it's a very weird, it's one

of the only episodes with like a closing scene too.

And it's just that lady being, well, you'll see it.

Whose idea was it for having a raffle at your vow renewal?

- I think it was, they, I feel like there was so much kind

of hysteria

and like heat around the family at that point.

When mom was like, oh, I'm doing a wedding renewal.

And then the party planners started like going out

to people Aspir donate.

They were like, oh, well let's do a thing. Yeah.

Right. Was that what it was? Yeah,

- That's how, that's how good the parties were.

I price donated a fucking gift.

- Yeah. - It's amazing.

- I'm sorry I went to the wrong

- Person.

Let's see. Jack, get ready for this big event.

Maybe

- Put the fucking biggest uni brow in the world.

I don't wanna get out the shower shit.

You wanna take a shower and really

stink? I It's uncalled for.

- Smell. - Smell. It's really uncalled for.

- It's a little bit peachy. - It's a little bit peachy.

You alone, my friend Angelina.

- I smelled your sister arm. She looks about 40.

- That's what I mean. I smell pods. Check it out.

Check it out right there. Just point it down

like you were, but down there.

- What about my armpit? It smells really nice.

- I'll slap your armpit and hurt your gland.

- Are you a Mormon? My boyfriend's a Mormon.

- No, no. - They're very, very sweet people. Because that

- Cu - No one's perfect.

- Is that - No, they're not. That's Jack's friend.

She doesn't look 40, but she's probably late twenties.

- Yeah. No, no. - Which is strange. No, no,

- No. It wasn't late

- Twenties.

- Can you tell us? - It was late thirties.

- Can you tell us about this friend Jack?

- Man, I'm trying to remember.

I think I, I, yeah, met her through friends. I don't know.

I definitely lost contact with her.

I don't even know who that person. I mean,

- You don't know her name?

- I - I, her name's Angelina.

- Angelina. - And she's Mormon.

- And she's Mormon. You know as much as I do at this point.

This is a very long time

- Ago.

I haven't seen her vagina, but

- Wow.

Now I'm feeling balmy.

- Not We needed to give Kelly a break.

- Break. I know. Yeah. - Thank

- God.

But she's not an ugly person.

- No. No. She born, where does that got

- To do with it?

No, I'm just saying like, at least you know, you know the

- Goldfish is still alive,

but you're immediately suspicious.

Always. Are you Mormon? My boyfriend's Mormon.

Bert's Mormon. Still.

- He came from a No, I, he came from a Mormon family.

I was just being facetious. Oh,

- Grilling this poor girl.

- Yeah, I know. - There's a theme there.

- Do you get your brows waxed now, Jack?

- No. - No. Not now. Nothing. I kind

- Of stopped it.

I stopped. It stopped like

- Growing, - Growing here.

It was weird. It must have just been like a puberty thing.

- Yeah, probably. So your hormones seem to be raging.

- They certainly were. - Let's hear more

of your thoughts about the Mormon girl.

- Oh no. Oh no. I go, what's your name? And she

- Goes, Angelina.

I'm like, what do you do? And she

didn't even count my, how old are you?

And she goes, 22. I'm like,

why are you hanging out with Jack

- 20? Yeah.

- I told you she wasn't that old.

- Yeah. Think that'd be. I saw you said 29. I mean, if I was

- Mormon.

But what's, why is that? She's Jack's

friend's. Ex-girlfriend.

- That's shady of Jack.

Well, your brother has a tendency of hitting on leftovers.

I seen that before. That fucking attitude. That's funny.

- Wow. Oh wow. This is uncomfortable.

- I went into, wait, Jack, not so long ago.

And this blonde,

I was lying on Jack's bed like, good morning.

Yes. Good morning's Jack there.

And she's like, yes, time to get up now Jack

and I like leave and go,

what the fuck is going on in this house?

It's like a fucking brothel.

- I love that coat. That coat. It's a Chanel coat. Stunning.

- I know. This is making me really uncomfortable.

- Oh, who's been in the bin? That's just, look at that.

A fucking condom. That's nice. A mother to have.

- At least I was being safe.

- Yeah. Did he use it on you, Minnie?

- Oh my God, - Bastard.

- Come on. - And he's being safe.

That's great. Thoughts Kelly?

- I think that it's wonderful that Jack practices safe sex.

Do you fuck your friend's exes?

- No. I try not to. I try not to.

I mean, you know, it may have happened a few times,

but it's not like a, it was a,

- A - Regular occurrence.

A regular occurrence. I think I learned very early on,

there's a lot of drama that comes with that.

- But she's also even talking shit about

Jack, which is weird.

I don't know. 'cause with my siblings, I'm like, no,

I can say shitty things about them.

But you don't say it back. You know

- Who's saying shitty thing about Sarah? Yeah.

- Oh, Sarah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll still stick up for them.

Did you find a lot of condoms in the bin, Sharon? No.

Thank God the dog was

digging around in your bedroom.

Trash. I assume one of the dogs,

- Lola, - Probably.

- Well, my question is also, I mean,

you're walking into his room unannounced.

- The door was open though.

- Oh, it did? Yeah. And there's just a lady in

your bed and lights on.

- Oh no. Oh, that time she saw that. Oh

- Yeah.

I think she announced herself.

- Yeah. - She says she went to wake you up and there was

- Yeah.

- A Mormon girl in your bed.

I don't know if it was that time.

- Yeah, I don't know. - Ozzy, did you ever,

- It was a wild time.

I'm feeling judged by you, Amy. It was a wi, it was

- Dif. No, not at all.

- It was 2002.

- We've all had a host. It was a different time.

You know, no judgment whatsoever.

For any of you

- Appreciated - Ozzy.

Did you ever have an official, like birds and bees chat

or a talk about safe sex? No. Yes.

- It was - Always, it's in the first.

If you, and if you have sex, use a condom. That's right.

- Yeah. There was that. There was a lot of, I mean,

'cause like, you gotta remember this was,

we grew up in the nineties when it was like everyone was

dying of aids still.

And so like growing up it was like use on him.

Use on him. Use condom him. If you could have sex,

- I wouldn't, I wouldn't fuck around with Vince in the word.

I'd just go, Hey, you know, to don't be as idiot.

- Yeah. - Play safe. Say to the girls, well,

- Well let's rejoin Sharon

and Ozzy planning their vow renewal. Aw,

- Cute.

It's very sweet. Oh, this is gonna be fucking ing.

I'm fucked. I know how I did this.

- Oh, fucking out of it. Yes you were. You truly were.

- To be truthful, I'm not really over

and excited about the fact I'm,

I'm renewing the vows. It's a bit late.

- Last time we were married,

we never spent the night together.

'cause Ozzy collapsed in the hallway

and he slept in the hallway outside my room all night

and peed himself.

- I believe history repeated itself to a degree. Yes,

- It did.

Wedding night, I, I actually carried him over the threshold.

Aw,

- Fucking - Wedding.

- Dying in, dying. His own hair. You

- Fucking wedding.

- Oh, I guarantee he was not dying his own hair.

Oh, that makes, there must have been someone

- Else there putting the red back in for the big event.

What is the, what is the brief story

of your original wedding night? Sharon

- Aussie, first of all, ordered a cake

and he wanted three bottles of brand.

7 0 7. And there was so much liquor, the cake wouldn't set.

So it was sort of like soup? Yeah, it was. Or

- Like caramel soup.

- A pudding. Yeah. It was very a pudding.

And that was our wedding cake. You

- Could toast the wedding and eat the cake at the same time.

- So Ozzy never came to bed on our wedding night.

And I didn't even see him.

And I got a call from the hotel manager telling me

that Ozzy was a asleep the hallway and would I do something?

And I'm like, no,

- You left him out there.

- Yeah, he can sleep there. - How did you get back in?

- I'm - Fucked if we

- Oh, he came in in the morning, changed his clothes

and went out again to get drunk again.

So

- Is that why it was important to you

to do these vow renewals?

- No, it was after the cancer

and we thought it would we So you knew I loved

you would be nice.

I know you do.

And we just thought it would be nice.

Yeah. And who and what,

- But what does a good alcoholic do?

- Drink. You're great at it.

- I used to be fucking the best prolific.

- We're gonna see that in this episode.

Well, jack more ladies. Okay.

You just love that it's not about you.

- Yeah, I do. I'm loving it.

- I don't have a girlfriend. I don't have girlfriends.

I don't like girlfriends.

Girlfriends involve too much.

So there's like four or five girls in happy rotation.

I a manhole rotation. I'm a she bitch. Manhole.

- I dig chicks. A chicks man's great friend.

I dig chicks. To me. Chicks are the end.

I dig. That's how I get my kicks.

Weak One strong one's right? One's wrong one's.

I dig cheeks. I dig Polly and Molly And my golly.

I dig Mildred too. I dig Janie and Macy. I go crazy.

You and out with her. No, I dig Betty and Molly. Man.

What a hobby dog. I don't really Fine.

70% of these girls are friends of mine. They sound silly.

I wish they all were mine.

Oh, that was Melinda at the end. Yeah.

- Yeah. - Jeff, you, you got a girlfriend? No.

Why? I think you should be settling down now.

Settling down. Get a house, get a wife, get some children.

- I maybe making more money than most 35 year olds.

But it doesn't mean I am 35.

- Wouldn't you like a steady girlfriend?

Why are you rubbing your head like

- That? You're bored really easily.

- Why? - 'cause I dunno. Why

- Is it your a DD?

- I dunno what the fuck it is. But I get really bored.

- Well, Kelly's the same way. That's why

- I'm not worried.

Worried. But's been, we're friends. I'm totally fine.

Like friends, I can, whatever.

But it's like, just the idea just gets,

I get too claustrophobic to me.

I'm just like, fuck.

- Beautiful. It's - My early onset love

avoidance coming out.

- Aw, you do look so adorable too.

Like, you look like a kid and you're so precious,

but then you're just, I don't know, whatever you,

did you see some familiar faces?

- Yeah. Oh no, I, most of those girls were friend,

like are still friends of mine

to this day. Like that I, I mean

- Kim, I mean there's Kim, there was Nicky, there was

- Lily Aldridge. Lily

- Aldridge.

- Yeah. There was a lot of there.

A lot of those girls were friends.

- Huh? This is a nice time for a girl. Yeah.

And she's a lovely girl, right?

- Yeah. Yeah. She, she married the singer of Kings of Leon

and they live in Nashville and Yeah.

But yeah, no, most, that was the thing.

I would, I would, I was very, I didn't mind bringing girls

around that were friends of mine.

Just the friends. And I would always keep girls

that I was involved with, kind

of away from the cameras as best as I could. Try and

- Keep it the deal.

Did any deal of them sneak in?

Some, you don't have have to say who they were,

but you saw people you dated for sure.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Some of the three,

four in heavy rotation.

5 0 6. Five. Oh sorry. Five or six. Yeah.

- I was young, you know, told you that's,

- I thought you said four or five.

- I think I said four or five. Yeah. That, that

- Means it was - Probably seven or eight.

I told you this is like, I peaked when I was, you know,

16, 17 where I

- Peaked.

No, no.

Why do you think you didn't want a relationship at all?

- Because it was, I was having too much fun.

- You do talk about marriage quite a bit

with your teenagers.

It's a little premature. I feel like

- I used to, it was up biggest fear.

- Really? Oh, you were worried.

One of them would just run off to Vegas or something.

In elope Kelly. I

- Was frighten that that would happen to

- Kelly.

One time years, years later,

met a guy at a festival and there was like a blow up church.

And didn't you marry a guy?

- It's not a real, a real, I know. Wasn't a real thing.

It's like a joke thing.

And everyone took it so fucking seriously.

I was like, are you kidding me?

Do you still talk to that guy, your ex-husband? No, no, no.

- Well let's get rid of some of this body hair.

- Yeah, let's do it. Finally.

Get right Jeff, please be careful.

- Please be. We do shave a nipple off

- Cut. Don't

- Shape your pubes.

Okay. Leave it like that. That's good.

- Oh dad. - No, that's good. There's one left.

There's a big light. So you look about 21.

- Oh, it fucking hurts. - I love plane.

- Oh, what? Daddy, why don't you have your testicles

done in the video?

What is happening? Why are you waxing your for the ceremony?

- He goes I like - Pain. Yeah. He's so fucked up.

Have a, have a Brazilian noie. Please don't stop.

Oh, this is gonna happen.

- Oh. Oh God.

- That was farba waxing you. - You should

- Fuck off - You back so quick.

- Oh fuck that

- Legs.

Lets be with Jack.

Legs behind.

I'm done. I'm done. Let see,

- I still have those glasses.

You do? Yeah. I found just recently let

- Mom, I don't wanna be too fucking groomed. Good dude.

- I got a fucking white belly man.

- No more.

- I got got a fucking 21-year-old fucking chest.

And look at the nail hairs.

- Fucking - Wasted.

- Fucking - Hammer. He gets,

- He's fucking champion.

- He gets squinty and smiley when he is drunk. Yeah.

- Look at my pajamas. You and your shaved chest.

And I've got cats. Dogs. Bsy, can I just ask you a personal

- Question? Yes.

- Why do we have three brown fingers?

- Oh yeah, I was looking at that a minute ago.

- Oh, - What's that long one

- For?

Brown dye in my hair.

- And you were scratching.

I'll get it out the nail polish remover.

I'll get some now for you.

- I'm - Out. Stays in the longest stains.

- Definitely bouncing off the rings of satin.

- What's he you laughing at?

Is that He made a joke

that actually he was scratching his ass.

- Oh, - That's how he got the brown.

- Yeah. I mean you're outta your fucking mind.

Oh, you're having fun.

- But also myself.

- Do you remember shaving your chest for this?

- Yes. - What

- Was - I on then?

- That - Was Vic

- And booze. That was

- A lot of, - Seems very obese.

A lot of downers. Yeah.

- Vicodin booze. I don't think you were Vic Pot,

but I don't think you were, I don't think

you were smoking pot there. But that

- Odin and booze. Yeah.

- Yeah. - Good combination. Combination of

- Winners.

- Whimsical for it. - I

- Guess were, - Oh yeah.

- Just wait. - This episode gets dark.

- Was that the first, was it the last

and only time you ever got waxed, Jack?

- No, I, I think I stopped like, it, it,

I stopped doing it when I was like 18.

'cause it stopped growing in.

- Yeah, it did. You That's all gone up there and there.

- Yeah. - And nothing,

- I'm not a very hairy person.

I have very little body hairs. You know.

- He has like three chest hose.

- Yeah. A little more than that now.

But as, as I like to say, I might not have a six pack,

but I have a really good hairline.

- Yes you do. Perfect transition.

We cut out some of Ozzy getting fucked up,

but it was really impossible to cut out all of it.

- I mean, - Do we have to? It's

- Fine.

Cut. Nobody in this room judges.

It was a very hard, hard time in everybody's life.

- Let's have a lookie Lou.

- I mean, yeah. Let's have a look. Congratulations.

Thank you. You look so

- Cute.

I met a chick who was real great Do, do

and a fixed up for a steady date.

Do not do that Date. God.

She says, my God.

- Yo, I can, I can remember walking down that aisle think,

God, please let me get through this fucking thing.

I I barely got through it,

- Dude.

Make it's your special lightness.

- Let get back for Ozzy. 'cause I've gotta get him

organized and get him over here

- While he was sitting there.

Got a hot, he hates coming out of

- His fucking house.

He hates coming out. He's like all those people.

I don't know. No. I'm like,

you know everyone. Mom, your hair is a

- Little bit like a, a terrier there.

- Yeah. - Makeup. A Yorkshire

- Terrier.

Yeah.

- I'm not drinking. I realize

that I've gotta be on my best behavior today.

- Feeling okay? I'm getting nervous. No, it's okay.

Now the only thing you have to do is get up there.

I'm gonna tell you exactly what to do.

I'm gonna walk out with you guys.

In fact, I'm gonna be, I'm gonna walk out with you

and Jack at the very beginning.

Yeah. So I'll tell you where to stand.

I'll have you come up where there I'm gonna just ask

you and you're gonna say I do.

That's all you're gonna have to do. But I

don't But you have to say I do.

- Wouldn't it be funny if they said he was a nice guy?

I don't. Very nice guy. I I ran into him over the years.

- Yeah. As say a life.

- Isn't that where dad drinks the whole thing really quickly

and he, he's guzzling red wine for quite a while.

Yeah.

- Red, red, red wine.

- But there's a later scene.

I mean we could put it back in if you want,

but it where he's mixing every

- Drink.

- But like red wine, tequila, beer, whiskey. Like

- All I wanted to do is get drunk and crash.

But I gotta go through these fucking, and everybody's there.

I'm thinking I don't want to go to fucking bed sober.

- Ozzy, what was that one? Long nail for coke.

- Old habits die hard. - That's what I figured.

- I would've paid a thousand dollars for a grab grab

of Coke then.

- It wouldn't have been very hard for you

to have found it at that party.

- Yeah. - Let's be

- Honest. No.

- Would the with the - Wouldn't.

The kids probably had anyway. Shit.

She would go, you give him fucking coke, cocaine

- Mean - You, you seem quite anxious if you're

not performing.

Do you not? You get nervous around a big social event.

- Nervous in any even performing.

- IIII don't like talking on the phone.

I don't, I don't, I'm not a socialite person.

- Yeah. - I dunno what to say to him.

- He's not keen on dinner parties or anything like that.

- But people probably act weird a lot of the time too.

Yeah, they do. Right? They they do. Yeah.

It's the curse of being a magical person.

- It - Is.

- Everybody's projecting shit on you.

- Yeah. And - You're like, let me just slam

red wine and be quiet.

- It's the curse of being a magical person.

- People expect you to - Be on all the time.

- Yeah, yeah. Exactly.

Or have a story of an experience

to tell about it's stressful.

How did you, I mean, do you remember

how you felt at that time?

How just seeing how much he didn't wanna go

and this day was so special to you?

- No, it didn't. Didn't know. Didn't surprise. Yeah.

Yeah. But it wasn't, it was,

- Was about luck.

Were you still all passed out?

- I don't know whether they showed you

passed out. I think they

- Did.

We beat him on tee's knickers on his head.

- Oh, he's passed out. And he,

he said, what's the difference? Let's see.

- So you have watched this episode?

- Yeah. It's coming back in flashbacks.

- Yeah. - It's a beautiful ceremony as we'll. See I

- Remember it. Selt incredible

- In there. Do

- You remember?

- Yeah. - Gardenias.

- It's - All the way out in the lobby. Done.

Let's get a cup.

- Aw,

Ozzy coming in.

- That's Lou brought Asa so cute.

- Where's Jessica there? - No, the 50th she was at,

oh wait, maybe she was

- Now in Jewish tradition.

Wine is a symbol of joy. I knew you'd get there. Yeah.

I knew you were waiting for that.

Alright. This guy, I told you you can trust me.

So, and this is one of the most joyous

that could possibly be.

So I'm going to hand each of you a cup with wine in it

and I'll hold a third that's empty.

And then you're gonna pour from those two into the third.

And that's the cup that I'll bless.

And then I'll give it to you to drink. Okay.

- The real wine. - Yeah, the real wine.

Take a sip. You get some more. There we go.

I sip. Good. I need that. What was I, Adrian there.

Let's wait. He still in the Ray Maria.

God it was, he was just, okay, now you can drink.

But just save some for Sharon.

- Leave some for Sharon.

- Dunno, I'm an alcoholic.

- Good. So Ozzy, do you choose Sharon once again

to be your wife and life companion? I do.

- Wait. You are wearing a fucking cru Sharon.

- Choose Ozzy to be your, it's in your life

- Fashion.

I do you wearing a fucking cru to a Jewish wedding.

And there some additional what is happening,

- Sharon is gonna share with you.

Ozzy symbolize your love together.

- My darling Ozzy, for 20 years you've been my life partner.

We have shared joys, sorrows, triumph, and tragedy.

And every day with you in my life is a blessing

beyond my wildest dreams.

Thank you for who you are, for all you have given me

and for all that we will share together every day

for the rest of our lives.

I love you more than any words

and any vows, any poetry could ever capture.

I am privileged to be your wife.

And thank you for my babies.

- You have once again spoken the words

and performed the rights

that recommit your lives in marriage.

So I have the great pleasure

and the great privilege to declare once again, you Ozzy

and you Sharon to be remarried as husband and wife.

Now I want you to turn and kiss each other once again.

There we go. Once Kelly looks away.

- I was upset. - Huh? I was upset that day. Why?

20 years I didn't drunk. Yeah. Okay.

Now I'm gonna put these glasses on the ground.

You're both gonna wait until I get my hands out of the way.

And then you're gonna see about try to step on these glasses

that will mark the conclusion of the ceremony.

Okay. Right there. See if you can both step on. Ready?

Go step. Oh, mazel.

We rise to greet the bride and groom.

- Aw. Aw. Do you remember that? Yeah.

No. Ish. Ish.

- So sweet. Get me every time. I hate it.

Did you say you were upset that day?

- I was a little upset that day

because we were like, I remember all

of us having little talks with dad about It's for mom,

don't drink that day.

And

- It was his wedding too.

- That's true. - Yeah. It was a,

- The tux were not effective.

- None of us were on our, on our

- Oh no.

We were all like, during

that time we were all on our individual chemical journeys.

- Just spirals. - Not me.

- Well, you were on a chemo chemical journey.

- Oh, okay. Right.

Remember it made you say all that crazy stuff.

- It's true. And we had a party at the end of the end

of the, when you had finished chemo.

- Yes. - You had a party. What?

- No, no.

We, we just had a dinner

and I told everyone at the dinner

that I'd finished my chemo.

- Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. - But

- This turns into a party.

- Yeah. Yeah. - Because it's New Year's Eve, right?

- Yes. - Yeah,

- That's right. Yeah.

- Which is a crazy fucking idea on its own.

But I just, I was crying watching this last night.

'cause all day you don't wanna go, you don't wanna go.

And then you, you start crying right away.

I go, this motherfucker, I knew he was gonna do that,

- But you were in your feels, you know?

- Yeah, he was. Yeah. You were drunk, but in your feels.

Exactly.

- Some sweet starts fucking crying. Real.

- It's so touching though. It's such a beautiful speech.

Did you get his speech back?

- I, drew Williams was there for cl

- Because he was still friendly

with the family at that point.

Oh, he was still working at the record company.

- Oh yeah. - Did you all recognize anybody else in the

crowd or coming in? Yeah. I mean, I reckon, yeah.

- A lot of people, I just, - There's more footage from the

party, so maybe it'll be, be easier

- To see.

Well, our memory will be jogged.

- Let's jog. Oh my God, I forgot you. Them there. Yeah.

10. The real village people. Marilyn. Yes. The

- Real village people.

Oh my God. Kissing Marilyn Manson. No, that's

- Macho.

You're both kissing everybody.

Please don't take advantage of me. Ladies.

We, you know,

- She's, I have no idea

who is I'm surrounded by ladies.

I feel so honored. I love the ladies. Ladies.

What the fuck?

- That's, who's the old guy? I don't know who he is.

That's Dr.

- Dr. Canter. - No. Is that Dr.

- Canter? Is that Dr? Is that Dr. Cantor right?

- I, I think so. You dead now.

- Wow. Thank you. How are you? You look wonderful.

Oh, okay. Look at this boy.

Oh, I have a funny story about this.

Is that bell behind you, mom? Yes. It's, yes.

It's Please marry my daughter.

- Oh, got you. Got

- Adorable.

Like, yay. Come on.

- Got got

5, 4, 3, bridge, two, one.

- Happy new you. Yeah. Dunno who that is.

Look, just look at this. This is your husband.

Just look at this. Yeah. That's happy New, happy New Year.

Let tell you something. This is

how we spent our first wedding.

But he was in the hallway. This is my wedding night.

Take it from here. This is

not, look at him.

- Where are those pictures - Of the night, isn't it?

I know, right. Twice in my life,

I think I'm gonna get stuck

- And he's out.

What did you say was with you in that, in that room? Sharon,

- Brit Eklund.

She's an actress Bond girl, right?

Yeah, she was a Bond girl.

She used to be married to Peter Sellers. Oh wow.

- It was wasn't, wasn't that dancer? Dita and

- Yeah.

Dita Bunty. Yeah. She's so beautiful. Dita

- Incredible.

- I, I have this weird memory of,

I was doing shots with Marilyn Manson

and Justin Timberlake at the party

- Normal.

- And Justin Timberlake like looked over me at one point

and goes, Hey man, like why don't you kind of go easy?

And I looked at him and I said,

shut the fuck up you pussy and drink.

- Okay. That's very nice.

Well, you're not wrong.

I love that you and your dad both are just going

around kissing everyone on the mouth.

- He's just kissing every man on the mouth. Every man

- Bad.

Looks like you had a great time. Ozzy

- Absolutely - It age

- Toxic canter.

Oh man. Who's Dr. Canter?

He was, he was a ear, nose and throat doctor that looked

after all of us from a very young age.

- I mean, this party is insane.

Just the price tag

of the Beverly Hills Hotel on New Year's Eve.

- How much did this party cost

- Is, I can't even imagine. Like a million, right?

- It was more because dad's 50th was a million.

- I can't even begin to remember. I

- Mean, how far out do you even have

to reserve the Beverly Hills hotel for New Year's Eve?

- As I, two years, as I recall

after this, there was a huge fight that kicked off

after this, when it came time to pay everything.

And I remember you said, I want to have this, I wanted

to throw this party because I thought I was gonna die.

And I remember you. That's what you said.

And then we were like, and then dad was like,

all right, I guess fine,

- I'll pay it. That caused a fight.

- Well, no. What caused the bill? The fight, the bill.

- Oh. - And everyone was like, and dad was like,

why did you spend so much on this party?

And then I remember mom saying, oh, it's

because I, I thought I was gonna die.

- That's a good one. That's a good way to shop Sharon.

It's, isn't it very effective me?

- It's called, that's called Burning It the fuck Down.

- Poor Ozzy. Wow.

- Well there's sleepy.

I I got that habit from dad as well as I had too many drinks

and I just needed a little kick to get myself going again.

Yeah. Yeah.

- Just, I should just rest my eyes for a second.

- How did we ever get you - From there? Golf cart? Back to

- The, no, it wasn't a golf cart

because we were at the Beverly Hills Hotel.

They put him on a fucking luggage trolley.

- Did they? - Yeah. Oh. 'cause this is not your room.

- No, - This is in the event space.

- Yeah. Oh, - We put him on a luggage trolley.

But we didn't film that. Why wouldn't they film that? That

- Surprises me. I,

- I think because they always had like a hard cutoff

time at 2:00 AM

- Oh.

- Or 3:00 AM And I think it went well beyond 3:00 AM

- It might make the hotel liable too if

- Yeah.

- Someone's on a gurney from drinking too much G gurney.

- Yeah. Like that - Was the real village.

- People just wanna point that out as

- Well. It's, well, the remaining members.

- Yeah. But it was still the real village people.

Like mom, no expense was spared.

It was awesome. Yeah, it was a good potty.

- I love it. It seems like the most fun.

Except for apparently the jewelry. A shitty person won the

- Diamonds.

This one is for the necklace and earring set.

3, 2, 6 3 0 5.

Let me see you tick. Here we go.

This is the lady and we have a match.

Never met her in my life. How'd she get in?

I've just been told that she sn in,

made $15,000 necklace and earring. Set.

- Thank you. Sharon. Jack. Jamie. Amy.

Amy, Ozzy and what's the girl's name? And Sharon and Ozzy.

Kelly and Ozzy. Don't bring up Ozzy and Ozzy. And

- Thank you for bringing this to us

and thank you for bringing this to me.

Oh,

- What a comet rag.

Oh, talk face. Oh yeah. So

- That fucking woman.

- Yeah. - A week or two later we were at a restaurant.

Mom had called her being like,

you gotta give that shit back.

You weren't invited guests. This whole argument kicks off.

Two weeks later we're at a restaurant

and she's at the restaurant.

- Coi. - Coi on Laga.

- Oh my God. - And there

with the necklace on an argument ensued Mom And this woman

got into a fight and this woman punched mom in the face.

- No. Yeah, she did. Mom had to go the hospital.

- Yeah. Like nearly knocked her out.

- Oh my God. And then knocked me to the floor.

- And then she's - Fucking nuts.

- When all the shit blew up on the talk,

she fucking jumped on the bandwagon and be like,

and said, Sharon Osborne beat me up and is racist

because I still, I won the jewelry at the event.

- Oh my God. Yeah. I mean it's one. Yeah.

She seems like a fucking crazy person.

- She is a crazy person. But it's not claim to fame.

She's still mouthing off about it.

- Yeah. And I - Still stand by the fact

that she's a fucking cunt.

- That's the nuts part.

It's one thing to sneak into this party

and then there's a way to be like, oh shit,

I wasn't supposed to win this.

But then to get on camera. Yeah. Don't

- They were just gate crashes.

They just like, there was a party

and they were like, cool, let's go into

- It.

They worked, she worked at an agency

so they heard about the party at a, you know,

music agents and

- Yeah.

- And you never got the jewels back. No.

- That is so fucking nuts.

- It's one of those typical things that New Year's Eve

and I suppose she was with a group of people there.

Yeah. And saying like, what are we going to do?

Oh, I know, I heard there's this party in Yeah.

- Which happens with assistance

and people work at agencies all the fucking

- Time - And,

- And But then don't get on camera. Yeah,

- Exactly.

- You would be like so embarrassed.

- And in hindsight, like

probably should have been a stipulation of like, you have

to be like an have an invite in.

- Yeah. Well nobody would think

that they would come into the party

and actually get a raffle ticket.

- No, - No.

- And keep the - Jewels.

- Yeah. - What a crazy, crazy bitch. Really?

You gonna do any more Vow renewals?

- We did about 10 years ago.

Yeah, we did.

- Oh, so the A 10th anniversary.

Perfect occasion, right? One

- More.

Yeah, we did.

- I remember, remember?

I just remember it being really, really fun.

And every single one of us had a good time.

- I felt, here's my biggest kind of like, ugh,

like regret from it is I can remember waking up the next day

being like, I kind of wasted a good time.

Just being really drunk.

- Yeah. - Yeah. That that was my like it was, I remember

- I was in that joke - So clearly.

I just remember being like, oh, I'm an idiot.

- That's a good lesson to all of us. Yeah. Perfect ending.

Yeah. Don't get so drunk you don't remember your

good memories. Thanks Lawrence.

- I got sober like four months later.

- Yeah, you did. That makes sense.

But you had already drunk enough for

- A lifetime.

- Yep. - And telling Justin Timberlake to stop.

He's a sy. Stop being pussy.

- Yeah. Shut the fuck up. And stop being such a Percy.

- Oh God. And I, I always used to like

to do things like this for memories for the kids.

So you know, same way as I used to love to do the holidays.

'cause it's memories that they'll always remember.

- Yeah. - But obviously not that one.

- I remember it sort of,

- Thank God we have the show so great. You can

- All remember.

I have a great, yeah, we got a great home video of it. Yeah.

- Of Dita and Daddy kissing everyone.

- Do you still have photos from that night that you have?

No, no. I, I have

- Polaroids from that night.

Oh cool. Yeah. Where are

- The photos from that night?

- 'cause that there was a photo booth

and you took the pictures and you got the Polaroids.

No, I know, but there was photographers

everywhere. Where are those

- Pictures?

I do not know. No idea.

- Wow. - I bet you Melinda could do

some digging and find it.

Probably. Yeah.

- Sweet Melinda. Thanks sbo. Well

- Amy season, season two, episode 10.