Original subtitles

- Welcome back to the Basement Tapes,

episode eight of season two.

Wow. This episode is called, cleanliness Is Next

to Ooziness.

- Oh, - Let's just kick it right off with more dog shit.

- Oh no. Holy shit.

The rapist.

- The rapist

- Alive.

I'm back. Look, I'm back. I'm home.

Doug turd There shit on my shoe. Oh, where?

- It's over the heel.

- I'm fucking sick and tired of shit. Fucking shit.

Everywhere I go with this fucking shit,

it's driving me fucking mandle.

I, man, I I, I, I live in an $8 million turd.

Look at the lawn. They've been pissed on the lawn.

I'm, I'm earn money and throw it in the fucking fire.

Look at the lawn and then look, look at my radio.

Actually piss. I don't wanna buy a crocodile

to eat all the fucking animals.

You know what keeps getting no fucking Doug crap, man.

Dougs carry fucking bugs, man. Carry bugs.

Immune drugs. I mean, this fucking house, he's like,

got fucking sewer at the best of time what's gonna happen?

Flies gonna land some shit

and go, go, go to go into the bedroom.

- But she's promised me she will not have

the dog on the bed.

- Come on, Donny. Get the hell down there.

Sorry, sweetheart. You can't,

you can't do Stay down there, sweetheart.

I love you, Don. We stay down there. No. Can't go shit.

No, you can't. No, no.

- Just to be right on you,

Magdalena just lay still here like a good girl. Just life

- Still.

No, Magdalena. You can't, can't you lay

- Still? There's a good girl.

- What's the put you fucking touching her?

Fucking touch your mouth.

I don't want dogs on the bed showing

because they carry bugs.

Really? You, you believe me.

You do not want to get an infection at this time.

So you do not want to get any bugs. Go out.

I'm sick of sick to death of trending dog shit. Dog shit.

Kohe. You go feel good.

Smoke them later. Smoke them later. Oh, this is so gross.

- Oh yeah.

It's so bad. Oh, look at this.

Right after you outta your donuts. Oh

- God.

Oh Lord. We lived like fucking out pigs.

We fucking live like pigs.

- Can you believe - That Bulldog was shitting everywhere.

He, it's lovely bugs.

He would never, I think if there's any way

to have it different, simply pot training dogs is not hard.

- Yes. One change. It isn't. But you can't train bulldogs,

- First of all.

No, you can't. Lola was trained.

She didn't shit in the house when she moved in with me.

- One thing is, one thing I've always said,

if you train the dog to come for a shit outside,

you've gotta get up out of bed at the same time every

morning and open the back fucking door.

- Or put a dog door in.

- Did you ever say, Hey,

maybe since Ozzy's coming home from tour,

we'll clean up all the shit for when he gets home stuff.

- We gonna do it if you do it.

It's an, it's like all day thing.

And at that time we had about 16 dogs.

There were the stars of the show that you see,

but there were others.

- Yeah. So - They, you say Crufts,

they had fucking 200 dogs here.

I never see shit all around the fucking,

I mean, I don't know.

- You know, I just learned

that some dogs have acidic pee and some don't.

- Yeah. What - Does that mean? I didn't know that. So

- We had both.

- Yeah, you had all of them. Yeah.

Well, 'cause your dad's complaining about the

lawn, the radioactive

- Lawn.

Well, we must have got the fucking asses pissed off.

- I have an acid, acid pissed dog. No, fucking

you right? Yeah.

- Football field. - Yeah. Fight me. Yeah.

You have to spray it down immediate immediately.

Or it turns yellow. I know. I have no idea.

My dog has one flaw. So sad.

I have a question about your nightstands.

Do you two always have so much shit?

- Yes. On your - Bedside table?

- You have no idea.

If you were to come up now it's, they're both

of them either side are cupboard.

- I almost think you, you could do

with having an actual desk

as your, as your nightstand. Like the, well,

- Jack, you I, we had a fucking dining room table.

Each side of the bedroom bed.

It would be absolutely overflowing. John fucking bottle.

- What is it? I

- Don't know.

Gifts from the kids. They grow

- Pictures.

Whatever size water bottles.

What's the size thing we have on the side?

Magazines growing overnight.

- Your face routine. - Yeah.

- Like your, she has a very elaborate

nighttime face routine.

- I have twerking. I've always had this habit

as a young woman that I take my makeup off in bed.

Yeah. I don't do it in the bathroom.

When I clean my teeth, I get in bed then do it.

And so I've got all of these creams at the side of the bed.

It's like a 15 step routine.

- Did you ever lose something important

and then find it on your nightstand?

- Yes. Yes. Jewelry. One of them regular. That

- Is, well, you couldn't keep these dogs off of you.

And everyone seems pretty worried about the germs.

But you, I know.

Well, you have to de-stress also to heal.

And dogs hope that, right? That's right. They do.

Well, let's watch Jack make an English delicacy for Robert.

Oh, beans on toast.

- Here's the hind storage.

- You gotta hide them. They go quick.

Robert's best beans on coast. It's a

- Historic event.

- What? Look how nice you made that look Jazz. So good.

Looks like a flour sunflower. This

- Beans on toast and it's on its finest.

- I'm working roll to a proper English breakfast.

It's like tomato soup. Beans. Yeah.

- Robert went to school with, when we first moved

to America, he was always super, super nice to them.

His mom got sick. She passed away from cancer.

He has no family. So we've taken him in.

- The thing isn't hooked up yet.

- I'm not feeling the purple. I'm not feeling it.

This is my closet. Ah, yes.

And this is the Chinese love bed.

It's a Chinese love Chinese mitzvah. Love making.

- So what's your preferred bread Jack?

- Now or then? - Then it seems like the sourdough.

- It's still a sourdough. - Okay.

- I'm a, I'm a, I'm a diehard sourdough guy.

- It's so good. - Love a good stuff.

- Do you still do the Hines beans?

- Yep. Yeah. And now my daughter loves them.

She's obsessed with beans on toes. That's like her go-to.

- So this, but this did happen kind of all

around the same time that you were, that you were sick.

And then Robert's mom died.

- Yes. Same cancer.

- So sweet of you to take him in.

And I'm sure it felt like, did you feel sort of more

of a duty because you were going

through the exact same kind of cancer? Yeah.

- Yeah. And it was also too,

'cause he was, he would, he worked at the office

and so he got really close with everyone,

like Melinda and Michael and John.

And he was really like in the fold.

And then when his mother passed, it was just kind of like,

it felt like the right thing to do.

Yeah. And he, and he lived with us for five,

five years. Four years.

- He was a really good friend of Kelly's

- Yeah.

In the guest house.

And so all that furniture was already in there.

- Yes. - And you're kind

of like, oh, what do you wanna keep?

And what Yeah. Which is so, so kind of you guys,

what were you guys talking about over

here? Anything we need to know

- About?

We, we were talking about the beans on toast

and he was talking about Pearl

and how like, oh, you know, wait,

wait till you're a grandfather one day.

And I'm like, I don't know. I I'm, I'm, I'm fine

with waiting a little longer.

- It it'll go by so quickly. Yeah.

- You like being a grandfather though, don't you?

Of course I do. Okay. Sorry. I'm a fucking idiot.

- Sorry. I guess I'm a fucking idiot.

- Well, the infamous dog gallery wall,

we're gonna see that go in.

What? Before we play it.

I mean, this has come up before,

but why have just a, a gallery of

- Tragedy.

We not mentally unwell,

- But they're all gonna die like it's sad

- To look at later.

Do you know? I still have them. You do? Yeah.

With all of their pictures in, it's in England

and I still have them. Yeah. You

- Just look at 'em and cry.

- They're all babies. Of course, of course.

It just seems like a sad memory every time you walk down

the stairs.

Yeah. Let's check it out.

- Wow. You, you, you gotta you gotta spot from

where the dog shit picture goes.

- Martin. You gotta picture - The shovel. And

- Where did you get those frames from?

- In kitchen. Needs a tray - And shop. Great

- Photographs. Yeah. They're

- Nice.

They did a nice job. They're nice.

- Get rid of the dogs. Now. I got keep the photographs

because the photographs don't stink.

- Poor Lulu looks more like a little pop

belly pig every day.

- She got eaten by fucking

- Alright, let's get you up to bed. And then if you

- Want, she eaten by the couch.

- Thank you. She did. I got my magazine.

- There was a poor nurse lady.

- Where's that? Maggie? In the chair.

A nurse. Come on Princess. Come on.

That was my, she's a good nurse.

She's still going in your room with him.

She's bringing you wine under the bed.

If you, if you start tonight that,

that you've had it can mom

- Get sick from the dogs?

- The doctors did say that the dogs shouldn't be on the bed

with her just because they can carry so much ba you know,

stuff, bacteria and stuff.

Pick him up and stuff. Yeah.

- I was KIPP's been. - Yeah. Lulu just shut up.

Shut up. I was so mean to her. I love

- Lulu was my baby.

She's adorable. Oh, everybody loved Lulu in the crew.

They would always come in

to spoil her. I loved her. She's adorable.

- She had like a seizure

and so she was like a not not, not right in the head.

- Her, her tongue used to hang out after the seizure.

- She got fucking eaten. I know,

- I know.

So sad. I can't keep up with who got

- Eaten by the coyotes anymore.

So many of our dogs, most of them did,

- Were eaten by the coyotes.

It was horrible. It wasn't our fault.

It was fucking like they would, coyotes were just, they knew

that like, oh, there's, there's the

seafood buffet over there.

We're just gonna wait until no one's looking. Oh.

- And - Just go, go. All you can eat.

- Have a shrimp. - Yeah.

- Ozzy, I heard you say that she was walking barefoot,

which is my first thought too. I

- I used to drive me fucking nuts.

It's not, not fair

because I was fucking worried to death

that she was gonna go.

I was fucking terrified.

- Oh, it wasn't Because there was shit everywhere

- On the floor.

No, the germs.

- Yeah. - On the floor.

And, and the, the doctor said she, if she gets

with a chemotherapy, if she gets any infection or any cold

or whatever, she could be fucking could get up.

I try and keep it all together.

- Yeah. We see you fight the good fight a lot in this

episode with the germs.

- Where you going? - I'm gonna hop around the garden.

Step in some dope street.

Go inside before just to start the day. Do you wanna go?

I'm just trying fucking shit again. I'm Oh no, no.

Fucking fucking David. My mom's brother dog shit man.

Look, don't touch the dogs and touch your mom.

Don't touch the fucking piece of shit.

And then touch your mom. I'm walking around with fucking,

I'm walking around with bottles of this

crap to be sterilized.

Every, I got a bag full of this shit.

I don't touch anything without touching,

cleaning my hands before I touch you.

- You're ahead of your - Time. She is down to fucking zero.

You know, I'm fucking,

I just get pissed off and nobody leaves.

- Is that okay? At the kitchen? It's

- Not a fucking joke.

Everything around here is contaminated.

You gotta wash your hands.

You've gotta, before you touch mo Right,

you've gotta be vigilant with a,

with a higher hygiene thing.

- What is that mini that I am just, ah,

I gonna dry put on her.

Told you.

- And you think it's funny. Just pull it off.

You're insane. Just

- Pull it off.

I can't. 'cause every time I pull it off it gets

mushier up my fingers.

You were disgusting. There must be scissors in here.

This is an office for God's sake.

- And you're touching your face. Now

- What?

I know this shit's still in here.

How is this the best solution? It's all she. Oh my God.

You're making me sick. I'm sorry for the humiliation.

What the hell?

- You just wanna learn about these germs, Sharon. I know.

- Still hu still doesn't, - Still should,

- Should've seed it during Covid around here.

This place was like a fucking grand central station.

- Really? - Oh yeah.

- No. Well the left is healing. It

- Is.

I guess it worked. It is. Animals are healing.

Laughter's healing.

- You know what's also healing? Not getting sick.

When you have cancer,

- You seem very defiant.

Which is funny because there's a real role reversal in this

episode where they want you to behave and not go out

and listen to them.

Yeah. Yeah. And you're, you cannot be stopped.

- Hypocrisy was alive and well during this time period.

- Let's get back to Robert settling in.

- Don't throw it like that. Like throw it

like a, like a floater.

- What is this? Game down.

Have you got a Nazi helmet at all? No.

- Alright. My time now. Ready, dude.

Ready? We just, I think we're just high.

- Yes, Jack? Yeah. Look at Rob.

Like I'm not gonna do that move, but, okay, cool.

- It's cool. Yeah. God. Rob it.

We have to go and look in the guest camps. Okay.

- Because - I want to see what's going on in that.

- Okay. He's like, okay, great guest house.

- So pretty I these - Floral pictures.

- No, they'll come down now.

Where do you want the bed moved to?

- Over there. - We need a rug. A new sofa. A coffee table.

- Coffee - Table. I love more.

- Okay, - Come

- On, we're going shopping.

Come on. Come on, come on.

- That was a good couch. It was a great couch.

Welcome to, it looks really

- What happens to all these old couches?

You want sold them?

- No. And a lot of them got recovered and just reused over.

- Must have more in a fucking old,

- I mean, it's funny, you kind of look at that price day

and you're like, oh, not bad.

But back in the day, back in the day, you're like, oh yeah,

- It be comfort on my dad.

Doesn't matter. I don't care. He's putting his shoes on.

All of them. He feels like

- Final purchase.

Time to go. Sure. Hope you're happy. Say it now.

Month the best today.

- Oh, Robert, - Sharon, the local shops must have been

so excited to see you come through the

- Door.

Always. Still to this day,

- They were my - Regular stores. I used to go at,

- Where are they?

- Venice, Santa - Mon. Like Montana.

- Montana, yeah. Montana. Yeah.

- It's a hilarious bed for a

- Teenage boy to have. I know. Isn't it

- Ridiculous?

- A big four poster. Yeah.

- Big four poster. Like Chinese, like Ming Dynasty bed

or some shit like that.

Wait, did what happened to that?

Did you, do you still have it in in the lockup?

- No. It was so old that the wood was starting

to just crumble.

- Yeah. Yeah. So you just tossed it.

- Yeah, we had to.

- It was so sweet of you to let him pick out some

of his own furniture too.

But I don't think you're supposed to be going out.

- No, - No.

- It's not recommended. Mid, mid chemo.

- No. Jack, you're, you're also fighting

with Sharon a lot in this episode about the going out.

I am. Oh yeah. Yeah.

She really wants to go to dinner with her girls.

- Hmm. - It's it's such a flip. A table flip.

It's so funny. Like just, it's the same argument

that you all have. Just

- In reverse. Reverse.

- Yeah. - Mom.

No Mom, you are not going out. Stop it.

Don't Mom, you Mom, stop it.

I'm going out. No you're not. I've got,

- I've got an - Appointment.

So fucking what? It can be canceled. Jack.

- I am not - Mom.

- I'm dying. - I'm not. You're secret mom.

Wait, what did you just have done today?

Oh yeah, chemotherapy. Wow.

- Jack. It's nothing. Wow. Yeah.

It doesn't even affect you till two days

- Afterwards.

Yeah. But how about, you know, maybe if you rest a little

before this, two days after, I'll be as bad.

You know why you got sick last time? It's 'cause you go out.

- No, I didn't go. I haven't been out for a month. Jack.

I wanna go to dinner with my girlfriends. Please.

That's all I'm doing. I don't want to stay in bed.

- I feel. Yeah. You know what? Fine. Fuck off then.

Oh, that's really me. You know what's really me Mama.

You don't fucking listen to us.

- Sounds so familiar. Right? - Oh, role reversal.

- Yeah. Total. Did you hear that abuse, Ozzie?

- I was look, trying to look out for her. What?

She was trying to stop her from going out.

She shouldn't have been going out.

- She wouldn't listen. - Would not listen.

- But you mentioned before the first chemo day,

you would have a lot of energy, right?

- Yeah. She'd be locked on fucking meth.

- Didn't I have a seizure when I came back?

- No. No. That - Was before.

That's what I was referring to.

- Oh. Oh, okay.

- You could have gone anywhere and had a fucking seizure

and when you had a seizure it was fucking heavy.

Pretty serious. Mm.

- Fucking Oh my God. So that's why you're so pissed.

- Yeah. Because she had, - Because that's just happened.

- Yeah. Yeah. We had a rush up. Fucking scared.

We had And he wasn't, wasn't in a predictable time.

She'd have it all over the fucking bloke.

- And we had to like, it was,

she had a seizure while we were filming

and we had to like throw her in like the crew van

and like rush her to the hospital.

'cause ambulance was taking too long.

- That's so scary. We - We

- Welcome.

You thought you'd fucking died.

- You. No, I thought I was in an airport terminal

and I'm like, why am I in an airport terminal? I

- Don't - Know.

- And yet insisting on going out with your girlfriends.

- I - Knew it all. It all.

- Remember who you were going out with on the occasion?

No, I don't. You just wired. Yeah. That first day. Yeah.

- Well, was there because that was, yeah,

- Because her face was blurred - Out.

- Yeah, she was blurred out. - Did this

worry you too, Kelly? At

- The - Time I was so away

and working that I didn't know

what mom was doing. I think

- Did some part of you feel Sharon, like you fuck off.

I'm always telling you not to go out. No.

I feel like you kind of enjoyed that fight a little bit.

- But then when you walk off you feel guilty. Yeah.

So I felt guilty. But you still

- Went. You knew what you were doing was wrong.

- Yeah. Oh, she still went.

- Of course. You can't tell this woman what

to do and what not to do.

- And there does end up being some kind of receipt

for it. Oh.

- Oh no. - Wait. Then you feel bad the next day.

I felt so good yesterday. Kelly. I felt like my

- Old - Self. You,

- I didn't - Want to stay out

- All - Night.

- I was pissed off when Jack was bitching.

'cause I was like, just give it a fucking rat.

If she wants to go out, he care. He cares.

He does. I guess you didn't mind.

- It's all so much for him. Doesn't,

- He doesn't understand - That.

I just felt so good.

I just wanted to go out and like, have fun with the girls

and just be silly again.

Hi. Oh

- Don't ion please don't.

- What? Let them make - Don't, don't fucking bugs. You.

You got a low immune system Sharon. And you Lily.

Oh, don't be handing dogs.

You gonna touch him? Man, you gonna a fucking bug.

Please don't. Please don't.

I should be just licking in her butt.

Feel for a walk around the garden. Get some additional air.

Hi.

- This music is crazy.

- What was that? A statue. Oh.

- What is, - I guess because of the bed.

- A walk through the ion. It's really weird.

Fucking dog shit, man.

- More dog shit.

- You'd stepped in dog shit again.

He just had a, you know, good thing. Good thing.

You want a, a mind clearer in your last life.

You would've lost it very long.

- We needed somebody that was just there for the shit do.

- Yeah. A fucking bulldozer dog toilet. But

- A dog porta-potty.

- Yeah. - Well and that scene, it seems like

- You're, you're disagreeing with Josh.

Yeah. I think I wanted mom to go out and have a good time.

- Did your doctor tell you it was okay?

Or They suggested against.

- Suggested against.

- And that nurse lady, what was her name?

- I don't even remember. Can't remember.

- But she was there pretty much around the clock. Yeah.

Yeah. There was a nurse there

- 24 7.

- Well, Ozzy, you do come up with a pretty good solution

for the dog germs.

Oh. We'll see how it goes over but on,

let's see the bugs. For the

- Bugs'.

Too many fucking dogs, man.

- I know. - Everywhere I go there's dog shit.

There's fucking, the lawn is just, have you seen the lawn?

Trying to find a place to build a, a small pound.

The concrete floor fence

and an air, air conditioned like

shed thing where I can go in.

- Do you want something very temporarily put up?

- Well, it's not de decent. Where was that?

That's the side of the house.

Could be made cool for the duct, not baking

- Contractor - Shining place.

- Okay. I can just put up a fence going across

there and a fence going across.

Over to there. And that would be okay.

Let 'em have this whole area. Yeah. Okay.

- Oh, I remember that when we turned that into the dog area.

- Do you want live to - It? A dog house?

They can go and get, get, get into some shade.

- Well, they can go in here still in the shade.

This does stay shady all day long. Okay.

This is out the, this is the most sun this area gets.

Okay. Who

- Was that? I don't know.

- He's - Security. Okay.

- No. Is he a contractor - Asking for a dog kennel?

- Yeah. - He wants to pin up the dogs

and have 'em in a nice little area.

- No fucking way.

Did you end up doing the kennel?

- Yeah. It wasn't a kennel, but they did.

That ended up being like an area for them over there

- At some point.

He calls it a pound. A

- Pound.

- Let's make them a pound. - Yeah, A dog pound.

- We should have actually done that

and just given 'em all away.

- No, no. Jack, come on.

- I know. I'm just bitter and cynical.

Do you know how many times I stepped in dog shit

without like shoes on?

- Daddy. And I want to get, when we go back to England,

we wanna get, go work with the kill shelters.

Take the dogs that are in line to be killed

and bring to our place and then find homes for them.

- Okay. A new project

from the Osbornes.

- Yeah. It's what we wanna do.

- It seems like you wouldn't have had the heart

to keep all the dogs outside at this time.

No, no, no. You, you're just staring at peak.

- I'm just No, I'm just like,

I'm glossed over at this point.

Like really? Like this is

what you guys wanna move back to England for?

Like ah, let's just, you know, we'll leave our kids

and our grandkids in la We're gonna move to England

and have a bunch of fucking dogs.

- Help the dogs. - Help the dogs

- Moving right along.

Poor Ozzy is still trying to get Sharon

to stay away from the bugs.

- Ozzy, I'm gonna leave some of the vaccine here.

- Oh, that fucking guy - Lisa be coming

on a regular basis.

This And they can, the nurses can

- Do that.

So. So this is the deal.

If you want come into the house on a regular

basis, you've gotta have a flu show.

Line up, bus

out, family

- Doctor.

You gonna have too. I don't have to have one of those do I?

- Nice everybody else. That was the only

time I've ever had a flu shot.

Me too shot.

Really? Yeah. Yeah. I don't, I don't, I don't.

Oh, the old Guinness. Oh, can of Guinness.

Oh, isn't it a can of coffee? Nope. Guinness. Guinness.

- That's deep. Nice. Pat on the boat.

Guinness. It's from enough of me for my wife.

It's got lots of iron in English hospitals to, they used

to give it to patients.

Got too much fish Sharon.

- No, it's fine. - Great.

You feel happy if you could drink all that.

So, so good for you. Oh,

- Try.

It's so good for you.

- You the doctor away. - It is.

They let pregnant women drink it in England.

- I don't think anymore. Aw,

that was a great cat.

- Go. So great. Great. Victor. No,

- Fuck off guy.

Gu, Jim, bill, whatever your fucking name is.

Your name's gonna be dead If you toast his chicken.

I'll go near much if you understand.

Don't even go there. He's having fuck

- Off having a full blown conversation with the cat

- On the counter.

Oh God. I hope he doesn't go near

it. Ah.

- Oh, grill ma. Ripped off.

- These are big pieces of chicken you can fuck up.

All you're doing is just telling the

dogs to fuck up the dogs.

Look at me. Fuck. Oh.

- Oh. Don't even do. Oh. And they went

- Now.

Fuck. Oh. Hi guys. Hi

- Guys.

- Hi. How you doing?

Come stink. Stock shit outta

- For the person the most concerned about the bugs.

I see a lot of no hand washing with the raw chicken.

- Yeah. - You know, probably more dangerous than the dog.

- You just kept looking at the dogs being like, fuck off.

Fuck off.

- He was trying not to. And then Gus, what did you call him?

Guy, guy guy. Jim, Gus, whatever.

Whatever the fuck your name is.

Do you remember he used to turn the tap on

and drink the water and

- Play in it.

- My cat does that. Yeah. It's

- So cute.

Makes it easier. Yeah. Probably wasting a lot of water.

Do you still use Guinness as medicine?

- Not anymore. No. No.

- I used to work for a British lady

that drank it while pregnant. Yeah. And

- I was like, alright.

That's what bum just said. Yeah. Yeah. 'cause it's

- Full of iron. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

- They they used to give it to you.

- Yeah. One Guinness a day. I was like, all right. Sure.

Were you supposed to be drinking at that time at all?

- No, but they,

- How, how?

Wait, the question how,

how did your ex boss's baby turn out?

- Just fine. - Okay, good.

It's always the, it's always the litmus test right there.

- Oh, my mom drank Budweiser

and I'm doing okay. Not an issue.

- Yay. I think my mom smoked through my pregnancy.

- Everything's, everything's perfect.

- So - Did the whole

- Crew have to get flu shots? Yes. The whole crew.

- Everyone. - Every single person. There's so

- Much hairy ass in that episode. I know

- There was a - Lot of hairy ass.

- Is that why this is your favorite episode?

- Yeah. So much butthole love.

I should have kept that one butthole. It's

- Never - Gonna go away.

- God. I'm gonna tell, I'm gonna tell our kids.

It's no longer Nanny Kelly.

It's now butthole love. That's what we call

- Love.

We cannot say that to the kids.

- They'll love it. - Here we go back to Jack

and Lola and Robert.

Ah, fucking around.

- You wanna see the nuclear explosion on Lola?

- Oh, she went for you. She loves you.

- Another sideboard T-shirt. Come on. Get I know.

Full collection a whole.

- Put the picture of love. Still have that. We make happy.

Deon made that feel. You.

- We go together.

Something always happens. Whenever we together we

- Get a happy feeling.

Lighten up fireworks in Beverly Hills. Such why Knot?

It's legal fire time.

- Come on. Get Okay.

Check a on again.

Will make you happy. Make you happy.

- We'll make you happy.

Were those name stones real?

- Yeah. Yeah. - Where were they?

- In the garden by the pool. I used to have them.

- Where did they go? - Mom still has 'em somewhere.

And they, yeah. And then we had a big, big rock.

I was born a family Rock Osborne. Family Rock

Osborne Family Rock. Which

- All the dogs - Ozzie's record company got us that.

Oh, that's nice. Lola's

- Rock.

- There was Lola's Rock. We had, we're rocking the pool.

Lola would stand it and yell at everyone.

- Bugsy Iss snoring so loud right now. Bug stuffy. You've

- Got - Some, but this dog knows you have a soft

spot for bulldogs. Yeah. He loves

- You.

Yeah. This dog, he knows what's up. He knows.

He is like, oh, you know my kind.

- Yeah, but you see the way Lola would grab your arm.

All bulldogs do that. He does it too.

It's not a real bite. Not a

- Real bite. Love bite.

- No. - I love Bite.

- And Kelly's baby Sid, he does it to babysit Sid.

And then Sid cries and he doesn't like it. Aww.

- It's probably a little scary. It s scares him.

It doesn't hurt him. It just scares him.

And he, he doesn't like it.

We're getting audio complaints about hissing,

but then put him back in the dog's mouth.

Yeah. Stop doing it. It's

- Fun.

Oh God. I forgot that with Lola.

What the, where she used

to grab hold of the toy.

- Yeah. - Thankfully we have some good news on the

horizon from Sharon.

It's one of my favorite mom moments

because there's a health update.

- Health update. This just in

- Stuck.

Okay.

Is the doggy coming?

We have to call. Yeah, but you have to wait till dinner.

No, you have to wait till dinner. I'm not telling.

No, you have to. I'm not telling you now.

We have to wait till dinner.

No, but it's exciting for me.

So wait until, wait until dinner. I'm not telling you now.

All right. I went to the doctor today.

My blood work is completely clear of cancer.

And I finished my treatment in January. Oh.

- When we've gone through all this

chemotherapy shit, normal.

What changes are you gonna make in your life?

- In my life? - Yeah.

- I'm not gonna change a fucking thing.

- Yeah. Ain't that the fucking truth's? Not my life.

But you've gotta, you gotta, you,

you can't work yourself into another fucking

- No, no, no.

I've changed already about

what I eat. It's about what I eat.

- No, it's about your stress level. You gotta what? What?

What have I been telling you for years?

If you can't, it's 24 hours a day, seven days a week.

If you can't find some time in that period for yourself.

Okay. How can we have sex again?

- Nine months. - You regular? All over months. She joking.

- No, it's no.

He'll get chemo in him if he has sex with me. Oh my God. He'll get, oh,

- I don't, on a glowing dick sexually transmitted chemo.

- No, it won't blow. It'll be tired. It'll go like

- That.

Are you fucking joking me? I'll dress Tony as a woman

- Next time.

I'm, no, what did you say?

He said, are you fucking joking me?

I'm gonna dress Tony up as a woman. Oh. Oh.

- But before that, I don't mind having a glowing dick.

You were just making up the nine months, right? Yeah. Yeah.

- Yeah. - Do you remember that dinner vividly

with the good news? No.

- I don't remember that dinner at all.

- No, you must. Yeah. Yeah.

Do you remember that dinner Ozzy with Sharon's good news

that the cancer was clear?

- No. - You must have remembered the

relief of the time though.

- Yes. Ozzy used to sleep on a bed in the room.

'cause he was scared to sleep with me.

So he used to stay in the room but on in another bed.

- Oh yeah. I was gonna ask about that earlier.

I noticed there's another bed on the other side of it

that's more of like a medical kind of looking bed. Yeah.

- It was meant to be for her, but

she didn't wanna sleep at it.

So he would sleep at it.

- Kind of lost cause with all the hun

and raw chicken. Really?

- Raw chicken - Fingers. Cats. You know that Bugsy? Yeah.

- Cats, dogs. Raw chicken, salmonella.

- So what did you end up changing, Sharon?

- Nothing I did. Damn saying I did

- No more McDonald's.

- No more McDonald's. No more milkshakes.

I cut the milkshakes and all of that

'cause it's so bad for you.

- Processed food.

- Yeah. I used to live off, take away.

When the kids were out at night, they used to call me

and go, do you want anything brought back?

Yes. Stop at McDonald's

and get me a milkshake at two in the morning.

And I, when I used

to drop them at school when they were little at like nine in

the morning, I would go to McDonald's.

I mean, I had the worst diet ever.

- Oh my goodness.

Maybe that's why you didn't get the McDonald's

commercials, Jack, because

- Maybe that is Yeah. Yeah.

- You guys told everyone that gave your mom cancer.

- Well, no, I think you did.

I think that was a, I remember you saying

- That.

No, I totally believe that.

It was totally too many Mook ribs.

Oh, muck. Everything went in here. Ugh.

- God. McDonald's now is - So disgusting.

- Oh, I'm so hungry right now. I would take it.

- You would? - Yeah. Let's go get a muck.

- The - Last time rib,

- The last time we all had a McDonald's. Do you remember?

- Yeah. - And we And that

- One boy.

- And then we stopped and it was dis disgust.

- Disgust hadn't for since we watched Supersize Me.

- Yeah. - Oh fuck it. I'll try one.

It was tasteless. Yeah.

- And he just died of cancer. - Yeah. It was

- Absolutely so sad.

Anything. And you were in your hometown.

- It's by way we lived grew. Yeah.

We stopped at the services.

- Yeah, we did. And it was so disgusting.

And the bread rolls for the burger.

Were the oddest bread rolls ever. Absolute worst. Fucked.

No. Well, that's been episode

and no more Kentucky Fried Chicken.

Who eats Kentucky Fried Chicken here?

- I don't - Don do

- Palade to America.

Used to get her first in the Palisades.

- I thought she's fucking great Bucket. Full of chicken.

Mashed potatoes, gravy. Gravy. This is the fucking hug.

Aaron. I You have that every fucking night.

- What's that place near us? - Unbelievable.

- The town. - High Wickham.

- High Wickham. We used to go to High Wickham for

- Really?

That's Kentucky Fried Chicken and High.

- Yeah, they did shit.