Original subtitles

- Hi Osborn.

- Hi. - Welcome back

to the Osborne basement tape from your home.

There's a vibe today. I can't wait to see how it plays out,

but everyone's in a wild mood.

- We are, - Yes. But different kinds of wild moods.

How are you, Sharon? I'm good. Yeah. How's your asshole?

It's getting better. It's getting better.

- It's - Cancer free. Cancer free. Cancer free.

I love that. So happy bleached. How are you? Ozzy?

- Okay? - Yeah, doing fine. Okay, perfect.

What a spark.

Well, we're in episode three of season two.

We're back at the beach.

There's a lot of Ozzy building fires.

- Mm. - But

- He does that. He does that well,

- Right?

Doesn't he do it well? Very well.

- Is this the one that you did on the beach?

- Yeah. - Yes. Okay. I remember

- Ozzy.

Did you, did you grow up near the ocean?

You have like a, some sort of personal beef with the sea?

- No, it was no near the ocean.

- Yeah, I thought so.

- He was a, he was a fisherman in life.

In another life, perhaps. Really? Yeah.

It was a, a long shoreman.

- Well, let's get into it.

- Oh boy. Ocean. Not my place, man. I was born on land.

I'm no fucking deep sea diver.

I still have that T-shirt you was telling me.

When in a cage, this dude here in a fucking cage,

60 foot shark or something.

Great word. Cage. Wouldn't do a fucking thing.

You have to be like, titanium fucking safe for me

with a little pill.

Mean, Jack au was a cunt.

- Jack Gusto was a cunt.

- Why? Why did that cunt? It just came out it very funny.

One of those days. Yeah.

I feel like cunt is a compliment some days

hanging the tooth.

- He's trying not to laugh at himself.

- If - All the people you could call a cunt, you have

to call Jack co cunt.

- For what? - Because he liked the sea

and dad hates the sea.

- Well, why do you hate the sea?

- I don't know. - Probably it

- Was, it was just that day.

It was a fleeting moment. I, it's

- Because there's sharks in it.

You were saying, you were like, no, don't like it.

You like swimming in the ocean though, in Hawaii.

- Yeah, but I, I'm always thinking about the fucking shark.

It's got his fucking eye on me. You know?

- Me too. I get scared.

Even in the swimming pool, if you look at the lights,

don't want go under the water.

- So I don't want to far, if I'm that far out,

I can't fucking get back.

- You know what's crazy? So since everyone started,

you know, drones are just everywhere now,

where I surf in Malibu every summer, PE people will,

you know, fly drones around, film the surfers,

and there are sharks everywhere,

- Everywhere, everywhere.

- Everywhere. And even though you don't, you never see 'em.

- Miami, a fucking plane going over

and there's more fucking sharks than water.

Mm. It must be fucking, I mean,

fucking thousands all around there.

I met a guy one time when I was in,

in big bed, bad scars.

And I thought he'd be mangled in a machine.

And he's fishing in his fucking what way, sorry.

And I said, what happened to you? He said, A shark attack.

I said, fuck it. Know? Oof.

- I feel like if you get bit by a shark

and you survive your street cred just goes way the fuck

- Up.

It's pretty

- Badass.

- It's like, oh, scars. Yeah. - I have, I have a, one of

- My, I'd rather not have, have the street cred

number. My, one of

- My, I think you're good on street cred.

Ozzy, you got plenty.

I think I would literal a attack literal shit myself and die

before it even bit me.

That it, like, I'd go into such

- Shock.

So you set footage of the guy?

- Yes. And it bit its head off.

- No, his - Leg. Oh no, I didn't see the,

- He comes by the shark on,

he's got a fucking fist trying to Oh yeah, no,

- I saw that.

- And he goes, boom. And he doesn't even stop

to go. He's got,

- Yeah, just ripped his calf muscle off.

- Fuck though. - Did

- He lose his leg?

- Just his, he's got like a, he can't use his leg

because his cough muscles completely

- Gone on the deck. He's fucking

- Squirting.

It looked like someone took a bite out of like a cookie.

- He's claiming the shock. Dude. It went b

- Yeah, but he was,

he was doing this like shock, you know, shock week thing.

And he's like, you know, shark's a relatively friendly

and as long as they don't feel threatened, and as

- He's saying it, waving it

- Around, the shock just goes

and just rips his entire cough muscle off.

- Well, don't talk shit in their house. Yeah, exactly.

I bet that he didn't even feel it.

- No, he was going like, oh, oh, oh, oh.

And then like when he got on the fucking duck, he was, yeah.

I mean, it was fucking,

he was in shock. Like, the guy was like,

- Well now you know why you hate the sea.

- Yeah, we are. He's not the old man in the sea.

- I I love outdoorsy Ozzy,

by the way. Outdoorsy daddy is fun.

- Fun. Well, if he saw anything that resemble the fuck

a I'll be fucking that.

My friend Billy goes down,

goes down in the fucking ocean with his swimming

around. That's

- Terrifying.

- Fucking bow. - And yet you,

I do battle the sea in Malibu in this episode.

Let's get back

- Five,

six. That,

- That little boy I know.

- So I was just taking fire yourself.

Or just take him and lemme know how many you end up with.

Okay. I trust you. How many seven gonna leave?

I tell you. I tell you what, if you think I'm gonna

leave you my lose,

- I, no, I don't think, - No, no, no. Hold on.

- He's just leaving his bag as collateral.

You, you left it in there. Oh my God.

What the shit were you?

How much why

- Car doesn't fuck.

We know Kelly's coming, going to England.

She's got one TV and TV shows

to do still on top of the pops.

- Top - Of the pops is a music show.

I still happen in England. It's not my best album.

It's like best single

and the top 10 singles, they perform on the show.

I watched that show every week since

when I was two.

I've been watching that show since like ev forever.

- Nice. Watch. What happened to that?

- I still have that - Look at my great watch

- More shit.

That was the first thing I bought myself with the MTV money.

It's so pretty Aw. Crying

- Because - Kelly's going to England.

I hate it. Sweet. This is when you left for Germany

and the uk and they stole my suitcase.

My suitcase went missing and never got it back.

- Really? - And it had thousands of dollars worth

of like handmade

and custom clothing in it.

And I, it's something

that when I think about it,

it still makes me angry. Like your case,

- Like my watches, that all got my case.

- It still makes me angry when I think about

- It.

- I can't believe it. - Run that white leather coat.

- Do you wanna know why it happened?

- Never got to fucking France. It just disappeared.

- And that's what happened to me. My suitcase

never got to Germany.

And what happened was we had to connect,

make a connecting flight.

- I had a case when I was this seven.

I just took it on the road and it disappeared.

And about fucking eight years, I ended up my door.

- What? - With one boot and a fucking pair of jeans.

- Why would you want it back?

At that point, I'm like, what the fuck is this?

- That's why he put air tags in your luggage now. It didn't

- Been around the world.

Everything. Yeah. It'd

- Been around the world more times than a fucking fat eyes

sent to fucking Australia.

- What were you saying, Kelly? You stopped over somewhere?

Well, on that trip we had to make a connecting flight

to get to where we were going.

And I think it was Boston, I can't remember,

but they called me in to look at the suitcase because what?

I had a Chanel pin that was in the shape of a gun. Oh yeah.

And they thought that, that I had, oh yeah.

We'll see it later in the episode.

Right after nine 11, just traveling with a gun.

I never even a Chanel gun, but still it was not a gun.

It was metal in shape. A gun. Yes, I do. It's really cool.

Ozzy, why didn't you chop your own wood?

You seem to always love playing with Es and

- Knives.

I only chop fucking wood.

- Just throw knives at wood. But don't chop

- It. No.

- I thought our dad would be good at

- Chop the wood front.

- You have to get long a away tree.

- Yeah, I got Can just chop you a tree down.

- You buy it from a firewood guy

who has stumps and then you chop.

But you've never, you never met lumber Jack lumberjack.

I had to guess. Yeah.

- That chop wood. - Yeah. I can tell. Yeah.

I follow this guy on social media. That just chops

- Wood.

Oh, that the the lumbo sexual guy?

- Yeah. Oh. Like just in a sexy way.

- He, he's - He's pretty damn hot.

- But he, he's just like this, like rugged axman

- And he just chops wood

and he, he makes chopping wood look really good.

Okay. I have to look this up.

- Yes. - I think his name is like, Thor something.

- Yes. Got it. Eism got, yeah. I'm always like, huh. Really?

- Later on we saw,

we found out you could get block lots of wood. You do?

- Yeah. You could get it. You can always get

- Get - It delivered.

You get cords of wood delivered. Yeah. Per,

- You know, wore through a animal.

It was go on the beach and get drifted.

- Yeah. - Malibu.

You walk on the beach, the drift would all over the place.

- Yeah. Ozzy, you left your bag

for collateral with the store.

- I'm fucking you - Boy.

Someone one who did you steal a lot as a kid? Like Oh

- Yeah, - I figured.

- But though, the funny thing is, this was like season two.

So the show was already hugely successful.

We are there with cameras.

So everyone knew who you were already.

- Yeah. - You're like, that's the best

part. I don't fucking know.

- And also what's in that bag? It's like a huge laptop

- Bag.

It would've been, it would've been full of cash. Cash.

A few pills. Some bits of old popcorn. Lots of gum.

- Gum. Gum. - Lots of gum.

- His, his credit card holder.

- I noticed that in the other shows we've been watching.

I chewed a lot of gum and I never remember you chewing gum.

And that's something I was thinking about as well.

That's so funny you said that. Well, I never chew gum.

- Huh? I hate gum.

I don't like the way it sounds in my ears when you chew it.

I don't find it. What do you think changed? I

- Just don't know.

- So you, so he's paying cash for all that firewood?

- Yeah. Yeah. - Just files of cash.

- I like credit card. I fucking hate credit cards.

- Well, it seems like Kelly had it most of the time anyway.

I did not. You were stealing the card. Hidden.

- Hidden in the car. - Do you like me

to start Amy Teal Green.

You're in trouble today.

Hey, let's move on. Oh, smart choice.

- Oh, it's getting, this is getting feisty.

- Sharon. Was it always hard when they left to go overseas?

And was this the first time that you went

overseas by yourself, Kelly?

I think it was the first time I'd been over there for work

without the family, without us.

Yeah. Was that hard?

It was always hard when we had to separate. Yeah.

Because we, I I know it's weird. It still is. Yeah.

Like I, every What, what are you laughing at

- Jack?

Who so is cut?

- Still laughing on his own joke. Like a true dad.

All right, let's check out Ozzy at the Malibu fire station.

- Oh boy. Or - Fire brigade as you all would call it.

Brigade. Fire Brigade.

- Gotta cross PCH.

- Yeah. The fire stations right there.

We can take the light over there. Walk across. Okay. I

- See.

And people never slow down.

They drive like they try and help you.

- I've got a, I've got a house on the beach there

and if it wanted light, a fire on the beach.

A campfire outta

- Light.

A fire on the beach. Yeah. Itself.

It only, it has to be in pits.

- If we dig a pit. - If you make a pit, it's not a,

it's not a public recreation area right there.

So I don't think it's within the legal limits.

So we can check the code and, and get you a definite answer.

- Ah, can we do that for you? Yeah.

- Let's come on inside for a second.

- Look at you. Law abiding citizen.

- I know. Asking for permission.

- Yeah. Yeah. - So quaint do a pit fire in the back

for his wife, just to get her out of the house.

Yeah. We can do a, we have to do a permit

- If you want, if you wanna send someone.

Well that was nice supervisor. Yeah.

To tell us what, what, what we need to do.

- Because you were trying to get mom out of the house.

- I don't, I don't wanna set fire to the

- You were trying to get mom to get outside pressure.

Do you have a pit that's out there?

- No. So you build because she had cancer.

- You wanted do it at night to light the fire at night.

- Fuck you. I know why - For romance. Ozzy romance. Yeah.

- It's better than a fucking,

- Well I feel like the fire might have been more

for you than mom as like a way to enjoy

- Fun place in the house.

- But I just, I'm what I'm,

what I'm surmising is you may have wanted

to enjoy some extracurricular activities

around the fire, outside

- Sex. Ozzy

- Bum.

I'm not going sex.

I'm going like drugs and alcohol at the beach.

Like, fuck it. Like let's just kick back.

- I'm mentally disturbed by you

- Sometimes.

Amy. Amy, the first house

that we ever bought when we were married,

we moved in the first day Aussie lit a fire in this house

and it was a thatched roof and the fire was coming.

The flames were coming up and over the mantle on the fire.

Remember? And then the fire brigade came.

- She come back. I was fucking out of my face.

The firemen were all fucking,

we all drunk a cotton bottle

of whiskey. They're all fucking,

- You got drunk with the firemen

that came over to put the fire out. Yeah.

- While they were on duty. Wow. Yeah. Oh my god.

- Different eighties. Were a wild time. You

- Guys are pyros first.

First of all, the whole family. I was about say I know.

I was like, actually yeah. What the

- Fuck is going on?

I love a good fire myself.

- Were you sit, was it hard for you

to get out of the house at this time?

Sharon just, yeah. Yeah. You're in bed a lot of the time.

Yeah. Mom liked to hibernate

and we didn't like that she was hibernating

and we wanted her to go out more.

Get fresh air. Yeah. I

- Mean it's still kind of the same today. At

- Least the room isn't pitch black like it used to be.

Mom had that whole curtain system put in and it was so dark

and not one bit of light came in.

- Yeah, it was pretty dark. - That sounds soothing.

- That's - The way I like

- It.

She's goth. You're all goth gyros.

Ozzy. Why are you so concerned with the, with the law?

- Somebody said, I think I remember somebody said to me, if

you have a fire, you gotta get a

license from the fire bureau. Yeah.

- You - Can't just like fires whatever you want.

I just, I didn't want to go bus.

- Yeah, you don't wanna break the law.

- Oh, start that. I still didn't want fucking

- Well in anyone's house where?

Oh yes. Yeah. Yeah. I guess that's the main concern.

Do you remember what you are going

to do in this episode, Jack?

Because you leave town as well.

- I don't, he's gonna play with

- His Willy.

It's Dawson's Creek time. Oh yeah.

- Jack, that was so awesome.

Did we film, did they let us film this?

Oh yes they did. Really? They

- Did.

Oh wow.

- I don't remember the cameras being there.

- You, you just have to understand that all

of my friends still give Jack so many cool points

because he was in Dawson's Creek.

I me, I do too.

- Did I? Did I - Remember it well? I did. I love that

- Show.

Two episodes, maybe three. Yeah.

- And Jack was in a - Mary, Mary

- Kate, Mary Kate - And Ashley.

- And Ashley Olson twins movie. Ooh. Yes.

- He was - Elite cinema.

- I'm real. I real, I told you I peaked when I was

16. It's all been steady.

- It's not true. - It's all been a steady

downhill since then.

- I know, I know. Let's see, Jack, Chuck was

- In more, - Jack was in a couple of box office hits.

No I wasn't. And a show called Dawson's Creek. Do,

- Do - You remember Dawson's Creek?

- There was like a teen. - Sure. He loved it.

- Romantic drama show called Dawson's Creek.

And so I I did like couple episodes of that And

- With - Katie Holmes.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- There it is. Alright,

let's talk about Jack North Carolina. North Carolina,

- Wilmington, North Carolina.

- He's got to learn his script.

- That's, there's five lines,

- But he's gotta learn it.

I don't want him to go on there and stumble over anything.

Okay. He's gotta get 'em all down.

He is gotta be professional.

Gotta get him down. Okay. You can like,

- Well very easily have It is just cursing.

- That's big Dave. We still get out here kind of

- Jack pop up in the back of a car

and the last line is you don't get

- Any drugs.

We love Dave. Aw, you seem sweet.

That was gonna be my next

thing to you. I still talk to Dave.

- That's the last line. Like they leave.

He is, we don't get any drugs around here.

- Would you please, please make sure. No pot.

- No pot. Yeah. - No pot, no drinking.

But you have to go with him.

- Right. - So wherever he goes

- Visibly pull the drinks outta his

- Hand.

No drinking, no driving. They work for, they all fell out.

He thanks everyone and he's polite.

If he starts to get lippy, slap him.

- Did he ever slap you, Jeff? Hold down a minute.

A few times you going,

- No, I don't want you to go.

I don't want you to leave. Right.

I've had too many farewells today. I don't like it. I left

- The same day. Kelly left.

- Yeah. He promised to be a good boy. Well,

- Maybe for the purposes of the show.

- Yeah. - You just had No, it was, I remember that

- Very foggy for me.

- Get - Outta here.

- Oh, - Filming at lax before

- I go to top of pot, I'm going to Germany because I'm

- The clubhouse.

- I'm doing promotion there for my album and stuff.

And they asked if I could go down there

and come on Bobby Kill.

And they booked me to go down there.

I

- Packed my fucking shit.

I got, I like it.

- Wow. A Germany, that's cologne.

- My fucking bag is lost.

And I guarantee I never get it back.

And you know what's even worth, I have thousands

and thousands of dollars working clothes in that my clothes

that I packed in that bag were like, every designer piece

that's in my wardrobe is in that bag.

When we had to go down

and go through the bag for that gun,

I guess all the other luggage, gun,

- It's a pen.

Okay. It see's pen right here. It was in my bag.

And you still have it? I

- Seriously went to seven airports with it.

No one ever stopped me. No one ever like said, what is that?

So I walk up there and they all like move away

and then Kelly's like, oh, it's this.

And then they put it like through the scanner again.

And it actually looked like a real pistol on

- Oh no, no, seriously.

It came up on the screen. It's like that big

- And it, I I shit you not look like a

fucking real gun. And it,

- And I'm, I'm like, the thing is, what bothers me is like,

if you look at it this way,

- It it's like flat.

It's like that thin. And I was just, it was so weird then

that that was the case that's missing.

And I'm really pissed off.

'cause not only do I have to wash my knickers every night

because I've to wear the same ones every day.

- But you could have gone to get new underwear.

- Ied, there was nothing. We got there on a weekend.

Everything was closed, don't face.

And we were in with my knickers.

- That's Cologne. - Yeah, cologne.

And there was no anything.

- Wow. - Why didn't you wanna share Melinda's underwear?

'cause previously we saw you sharing

panties with someone else

- With Aim - And you're over that who?

Oh, we never found out. Yeah. I'm confused.

You're throwing me in the shoot today.

I, I I still am.

But her over that suitcase, I never got it back.

Also, I love that you were traveling

with something gun shaped in Spring of 2002.

You know, she wasn't thinking Oopsie wasn't thinking at all.

Jack, when you went to do Dawson, was

that like your first role that you had booked

- Or - Had you acted before?

- No. How did, how did you - Book it?

- Coincidentally though, I nearly,

before we did the Osborn's, I nearly book.

It was like between me and one other kid.

I got asked to audition for an Austin Powers movie

and I was gonna be young Dr. Evil.

- Really? Yeah. Oh, that would've been

- Awesome.

Yeah, it was like down to the Wire between me

and this other guy. Who? Yeah.

- Wait, who did it end up being Rob

Lowe. I think it's Rob Lowe, isn't

- It?

No. No that No, it was, it was this.

I forget what he, because they wanted someone

to play Austin Powers and Dr.

Evil co like, just happenstance.

I couldn't do a good Austin Powers,

but I could do a good Doctor Evil.

Which is kind of weird 'cause he's meant to be English.

And I just, yeah. But anyhow, that was my,

that was my foray into acting.

- Were you a Dawson's Creek fan at the time? No.

Oh, so you don't have a preference Dawson or Pacey?

I, you look like a young Joshua Jackson. He does.

He, so that's a huge compliment.

Need a big compliment. Pacey Head.

- But neither one of us are young to like,

like in the sense of like

- You're age reverse.

- No. Well, I mean, like he's isn't like James Vander be

old and I'm old now.

- Yeah. Older. Older. Really good at taking a compliment.

- I know compliments are not good for me.

I do not, I do not do well with compliments.

I dunno how to take them.

- I'll do it more often and see if you, this this we show.

Call him Casey for the rest of the episode.

Did you end up partying on set?

- Yes. - With the cast?

- Not on set, but we, we went out,

we went out at afterwards.

Yeah. To,

- In Wilmington, North Carolina.

- Yeah. With Josh. Josh Jackson. Yeah.

Hung out with him and, and busy Phillips,

- You still friends with Izzy?

- I've run into her, you know, just out and about. Yeah.

Like, I've seen her over the years.

But I wouldn't say we're we're friends. No, I, I've, I've,

- I worked with her as well on a different show.

She after that. And I think she's wonderful. Yeah.

Ozzy, did you know what this show was at the time?

- I have no. - A clue what you said. Still don't know.

Just good luck, Jack. Bye.

- It was in like the 9 0 2 1. Oh.

Like it was on the heels of that.

Like when 9 0 2 1 Beverly Hills. 9 0 2 1 oh.

Was like dipping off. Dorsey's Creek kind of took off

- One of Tom Cruise's.

Wife, wives was in it

before they were married.

- Mom Dad's like I don't give up up. No.

All right, we'll move along. We'll get back to the fire.

- There it is. This was the first attempt.

This hole here was the first attempt filed

Mis take two.

Where the fuck's the second one. Whoa.

- Is that log for you to sit on?

- No, it's to stop the wave from covering up.

I love the way the dad's yelling.

- Fuck up. He's got his trenching tool.

He's got a little space. He's digging.

- Stop. He's got a plan. Fucking go to Alaska.

Go to Alaska. Oh, no, no, no, no.

- Yelling at the ocean.

- You fucking asshole. Ocean.

- No. Can you imagine if you were just like at your house

looking out the window seeing this, he would just like,

- What is that?

See Ozzy Osborne screaming at the

- Tell the wave.

We all wanna grab the rock

and a rock on top of this is so it's gonna cut the rocks.

- Yes. Dad, we know you're

definitely, but weren't you fabulous?

But you are enjoying yourself.

That's what's the most important thing.

And you're not hurting anyone. Drop

- The rock

- Right by the wooden deck.

What the fuck is that? You blowing?

You put a rock there, you're blowing

your nose in your shirt.

- Fuck - Off.

Did you see in the background there was somebody walking up.

- You know what? Must have been good drugs. I think so.

Yeah. You, you, you have,

- Was this the, - You're having

- A dispute with the ocean,

- But there's also a fearlessness.

- Yeah. - That, that Vicodin fearlessness

where you're like, I'm just walking into the ocean, I guess.

- Well it wasn't Vicodin because

- What was it?

I'm fucked if I know. Wasn't this colony days

- Feel a bit of booze there?

I I think there's booze boo for sure.

- Definitely. Booze - Can't. I think it's

- Probably be more refined.

- Kelly thinks it was colony.

- No say fucking colony. It's like every day. I

- Know.

But that was the time when you, you were, you

- Should drink on them.

- I know. Yeah. I don't know how you did that.

Not supposed to do that. No,

- Not not recommended by your doctor.

- Makes the ocean feel nice. I'm sure

- Makes you angry at the ocean.

That's why actually says that if you drink,

- It's stay away from the ocean.

- Oh - No, I didn't die.

- Because you're meant to be here. Exactly.

- Oh, fucking lucky. Oh, four more.

- You're very lucky.

- We're all lucky. That brings us to a Carli Oke song.

I should be so lucky. I really

- Wanna go see her.

S Sharon Sing please. Come on. How's it going?

Moving right along. Does she, what have we got now?

- The she cat. - Oh yeah. Let's get back to Kelly singing.

So you're out in Germany now

and you do decide to call your brother.

So sweet. I heard about this conversation.

I'm really embarrassed. Necessary.

What did you say? I don't know. And I

- Don't know why we do this. This

- What - The show was it Kelly

was McCartney?

- That was when we hosted the Brits.

- She had a fucking sour look on her face.

- Kylie. Oh, alright. Let's

- Go.

Why would I come to Germany and drink a Heineken jack? Good.

'cause you I can drink here and except every time I like,

'cause I can't speak German.

- You can't. And - I keep like,

I just like point to a beer on the menu.

And I, and they're all gross.

They're like the shittiest beer ever. That right.

I'm wearing these pants for three days.

My bra for three days.

Luckily I wash my underwear

before I go to sleep every night.

But it's disgusting. It's nasty.

I don't have any underwear from tattoo peeve about wearing

other people's underwear

unless they're numbers of my family.

Are you got a cold? Jake?

You sound like you've got like a fucking dick in your mouth.

- Wait, what? Hold. What was that? I wanna be on top

- Of the pops.

Let's run it back. Oh, you didn't?

- What did you say? - I was so cold.

Jake, you sound like you've got like a

fucking dick in your mouth.

I wanna be on top of the pops and you're gonna miss it.

Hello?

- He hung he hung up. Good for you, Jack.

- I don't blame you. I would've hung up on me too.

Wait, what were you gasping at? Which part?

That he hung up on me at the time.

I guess I was like, no, the part

that I was gasping at was the fact that I told him

- That and she met me.

Where the fuck did she meet me in Germany? May

- These are, these are German Kelly fans.

- I met Ozzy, I was born in May. Yeah.

And I now I want to make Kelly,

we not calling mix you up. You were in Europe in

- May.

- You don't remember these amazing people.

- Dad, that is your best friend in Germany. Gto.

That's broom holder.

- Wait, what were you gonna say, Kelly?

Which part were you gasping at?

I was gossiping at the fact that

I asked my brother if he was sick in a very concerned way

and then flipped the switch

and told him, oh well you sound like you

have a dick in your mouth.

Yeah. That is so horrible.

It's a lot of dick mouth. That's fuck

- All you used to say the it so wonder,

you know, cold chuck?

- He What do you mean? He never,

- He would be fucking that view of my You were pretty,

- You were pretty.

He did fucking a few

- Times.

But you, you were pretty mean to me back then.

- Yeah. - Horrible.

- It's a lot of it saying Dick,

you were pretty mean to me too.

Sure.

- I would show you, but I don't know.

Kel, we have a, I'm I'm sure they would show it if I

was mean like that.

- You do call her a bitch a lot.

- Yeah, because I was a fucking bitch.

But can you, in the mix of everything that's very mild.

Yeah. To cause somebody, but, but it's

how I flip the switch from being

concerned to telling everybody

- He had a dick in his mouth.

- I But what was your obsession with like dick in my mouth?

'cause that's like the second time,

like in the last season you're like, do you want some help?

I'm like, with what? You're like

getting that dick outta your mouth.

Like what? Why do you obsessed

with the thought of a dick in my mouth?

- What's the purpose for the cough?

- What did you hear that photo?

- What? What do you mean? Where do I hear this stuff

from? Who taught you?

- You don't need see Ben there

- Names and numbers.

Why? It's just so mean. Mean I know, I know.

Well that's what is the purpose for the call? Just to gloat.

Because you do sound at first like maybe you miss your

brother and you're checking in

and then you're, I think it's just a, I'm gonna on

top of the box.

This is the whole thing that people don't get

and that I don't get about Jack

and I is that we are so mean to each other,

but we can't not be in each other's lives

and communicate with each other.

And it's, we are

- Inseparable.

Oh, it's sibling rivalry

- To a certain extent,

but like, I don't think we are mean

to each other like that anymore.

- No, no. But you still bicker and argue

- Jack's.

Like, this is a different more grownup brand of me. Jack,

- Jack.

I always thought check a lot of patience when you Kelly

- It, it wasn't, it's not overtly mean.

Now

- Passive aggression - Probably a bit of that.

- Not for me.

But you don't talk shit about each other publicly.

I would never do that. Yeah. I would never do that.

That's always weird when you see family doing that.

- She'll fucking if you, if you genuinely she,

she'd write you back and call.

- Yeah. Ozzy, were you excited for Kelly

to do top of the pops?

- Oh, I, I can't, I can't remember her doing it,

but if I'm not being truthful.

- But can you talk about how important that show is?

- When I was younger,

that was the only music television show in

England every Thursday.

And to get on top of the pups was the fucking biggest

thing in, in the world.

And we gotta be paranoid black out, you know,

it's like everybody in England watching it.

- Such a big deal. Did you notice your life

change after you did it?

- Yes. - Yeah. You remember it vividly?

- Yes. - What song did you do?

- Paranoid. - Oh nice.

And so this is like 31 years

after I think almost to the day you're going

and it's still in the same studio where Yeah. That's so

- Bad.

I had a great bar. Fuck it. Hell, the ball

- The bar was so fun. That's great.

- At the end I was dad.

The best Guinness in the fucking world in I Got Shit First.

They were,

- It was in the, it was a BBC show.

So it was in the, the BBC in those days

- At a - Building.

It was, its offices building offices own

and its studios all in one

building. One white city. And they had this club

- Bar was - Club in there

- Fucking great.

- And it, it wasn't open to everyone.

You had to be invited to get in there.

And it was the most decadent.

- Yes. We had fucking tray

and trays of Guine that went down.

- That's so cool. And so, but no many bad things occurred.

- A bunch. - That club. Oh what darling?

- Oh, did that show a Oh - Yeah.

- Fucking bar was - In, did you drink at the bar this time?

Oh my god. Yeah. It was So he got wasted this night

after you performed or before The

- Bar was only only there for the staff.

People couldn't come from the street.

- Yeah, it was like invite only after the

- Yeah. The,

- The, the show - The fucking service to mate.

- Not anymore. - Jack Jimmy SSL ruined that.

- Oh yeah. - All these dirty old guys

that worked at the BBC was disgraceful.

- Oh yeah. - Oh, people were being creepy in the bar.

Yeah. Go.

- So were you worried for Kelly

to go in there knowing this and you

- Weren't with her?

We didn't at that time it was kind

of allegedly they were right.

- Come out yet thing. I never heard about it.

But when I, when I did hear about it, I, I, I, I went,

my head went.

All the different signs that I met, I went, okay, now I

- Understand that he was the biggest DJ in

England at the time

- For DJ tv.

Pka all, yeah. Yeah.

The fucking, his own telling business shows.

- He was like, he was like the original Ryan Seacrest

of England and he did everything like the face of BBC.

- Yeah. That's a really good way of putting it.

The face of charities. He would head up all these charities,

- Says go, why hasn't he got a girlfriend?

Why hasn't he got a boyfriend?

- Why is he, why does he live with his mother?

Oh God. He, he's,

- Why does he have keys to a hospital? He's a,

- He's a man.

And he did. He did. He did. He

- Would a man with no extra, you know,

- No baggage at all.

He would, he would lure all these young

kids, boys and girls.

And then this is like a nightmare story.

He would do all these charity events

with different hospitals

and the hospital near where he lived.

He would go and always talk to the kids and yada yada.

And they did give him keys

and he used to go into the morgue.

Oh no. And fuck all the dead

- Bugs. No share.

- No. Tell me. No, he did.

- He did. He did. He did.

I love talking about this Great meeting you guys.

I'll see you living. It was my mode.

It was horrible.

The things that this man

and his whole slogan was, Jim will fix it.

- That was a show. - But you didn't feel anything

creepy when you were there. When I

- Was of the He certainly fucking fix

- It. No

- Fucking an old dead.

Why he wanna fucking stiffer Be cold.

- Stop it, stop it, stop it.

I think we all But will it? Yeah. How did this get to

- Jimmy?

We got hearty fucking dead buddy. Let's

- Move on.

Let's move on. Oh my. Yeah.

- I wanna be

- So little - Melinda.

I can't believe we had our first Beatles experience.

- It's not like being a Beatle m it's like four people

that have been forming us all day. And dude

- Live on guest.

Kelly Osborne is here. Hi Kelly.

- Hi Sia. Hi. Good. How are you?

- Excellent.

- Fuck. I dunno. Any German at all.

- You don't? I thought you knew German.

- That's amazing. I always dunno what to say.

Why didn't they get you a translator? Why didn't they?

Yeah, I, because it's uncomfortable. It, I don't know.

That's just how they did it back then.

So what they would do is they'd ask you the question,

you'd answer it and then they'd speak in German,

what you just said and then ask you another question.

And so I had no idea where we were. Sure.

I don't think I have any idea where I was anyway.

Like if you know what I'm saying.

Oh, 'cause you're fucked up.

Fun. Do you know what he was saying now?

No. He said stay away from the guy who fucks dead bodies.

- Oh, be careful. He said beware of you have Jimmy

- Beware of Necro man.

Alright, now we can get back to the fire.

I told you there was a vibe

- Today.

TV's too big. The fire? Yeah.

No, it fucking will be in like 10 minutes.

- Fireman. Oh no. Now it security. Oh,

- I'm log man.

- Are you just chucking the log off the balcony

- Timber.

Oh that was good. Good shot. You rolled right in.

It's covered in plastic.

- Are you coming down or what?

I like warming my butt by the fire. You are

- Lucky you didn't fall in that bloody fire.

Do. Fuck am I? You just can't stop showing your asshole.

I mean, I feel like I've seen it so many times.

The fuck's wrong with me. Dad, you were fabulous. Nothing.

Leave yourself alone. You're perfect.

- Living your best life. - Just you are amazing.

Just living your best life. You are enjoying yourself.

You're warming your taint. Why not

- Everyone?

Everyone needs to heat their taint sometimes.

- And as Jack said, you weren't harming anyone. No.

You were just having a good time.

- But you or you should remember that all.

It's not, it's not. Get into a domestic.

I'll say you're disgraceful. You disgusting.

- I'll just say Dad has a point. Oh sad.

Are you on? I'm on the side of truth and fairness.

- Listen, there's a time and a place for everything.

Do you realize what you're doing is now?

There's a time and a place for everything.

I feel like if you wanna get a little lit

and have a little beach bonfire,

- You're fucking waste of time. You're fucking useless.

- I'm - Lazy.

- As a therapist, can you weigh in on

- Yeah.

I am not a therapist. I am still just a comedian.

Is that an accurate impression of you Sharon?

No, but not just for showing his ass

in the largest scheme.

That conversation does go down. Yeah.

But usually

- It's tough love.

- Yeah. Usually it's well dissolved. Well

- I, stop me.

I still dabble.

- I know Dad. Huh? Jack, what do you wanna say?

You look like you have seven thoughts at once right now.

- There are lots of thoughts going on head. And

- You wanna say none of them?

- Yeah, it's just, you know, we'll keep it as a inner voice.

- Nothing. - Not an outer voice.

- Okay. Back in Germany with Kelly,

there's a very cringey fan moment in this episode.

I don't know if you remember

but really my stomach turn I

this stuck out in my mind.

And I will never forget this girl as long as I live.

And I've been back to Germany years later

and seen her since.

Really? Yeah. Ah, okay. Let's

- Hear.

- I can't believe that I ever, did I ever see you? Oh,

- Thank you.

Never have lot. Course.

- That's some dreamer was a big, big hit.

- It was nice meeting you. Can you sing?

See I'm so terrible with fan interaction

because I, I still can't believe people actually care.

- She asked you to sing for her.

- Yeah. - That's awful.

- Is that girl that's She's my major project band here.

Were you in a We went. I embarrassed.

It was nice meeting you. Thank you.

You welcome. Can I something to you.

- Okay. Papa don't preach. I'm in trouble now.

Papa don't preach you

really good voice. It was nice meeting

- You.

Kelly's like, oh my God, I'm about to get murdered.

Kelly's just seeing Selena

plank through her mind right there.

- I know. No, it was just,

I always appreciate people's bravery when they come up

and they want to show you something

or they, you know, they wanna tell you something.

'cause it takes a lot to walk up to anybody that you,

when you don't know them or you're insane.

But go on. But they're all, you know, she was young.

She, she liked me.

I still at that time was like, people like me.

This is so weird. Yeah.

But it almost would've been more comfortable for you

to sing at that point.

'cause that made it so much worse.

It did You have a hard time like having just a gentle No.

With just boundaries and things.

I still had hard time setting boundaries with people

that come a little too close.

Yeah, sure. Because you don't ever wanna be that person

because you are nice to someone.

No tell maybe one or two people.

You don't wanna get j load you, you are a dick to someone.

They tell everyone. And so you never want that experience

with someone that meets you to be horrible

or a disappointment.

I love that. She doesn't really know the song.

I know it's incorrect. I know, I know. I thought that too.

- Yeah, it was the language.

She's, but it was very, yeah, she's cute. But it

- It is uncomfortable, right Sharon? It's not.

- Yeah. But when she's so young.

That's true. She was a bubba

- But she's continued this for years.

A few years later I went back and I saw her again

and it's, she's somebody that like, I would still

to this day be able to pick out of a crowd.

Oh that weird. That's nice.

I don't because I, that was the first time anybody had ever

asked me if they could sing for me and yeah.

That sticks out. And it's a very strange

question. Yes. But it's

- Sweet sing for you. Yeah. Oh

- Yeah.

You're back at Dawson's Creek.

I think we're gonna see a shoot day.

- Oh boy. - You kill it. Don't worry crush it.

But it's a very early call. Time for,

- Should have been nominated for a

- Emmy Pearl Jack.

- Ooh. 5:45 AM That's rough. You guys on a mean

- Schedule.

He's laughing at you there.

It's that was a pretty cool hotel. Yeah.

Oh, Teddy. But not the same old way.

How love You look shocked to see the cameras.

He's like, what is that doing in my room?

So it's lucky you even 20

- Good Dave.

Like, get out of bed on my way.

- A smile from everyone.

Oh no.

- Oh boy. Tired. He is tired.

- I just like sleeping. Get up this morning. You must admit.

Come on, we gotta go. Poor Dave.

Weird edit there. You should probably like him.

They like show at the studio then I'm

back in the hotel room.

- Oh, is that your dressing room?

I think you were sleeping in your dressing room when you got

- There. Yeah. Maybe

- You were so tired.

- Maybe - You fell asleep with a CD player.

Do you know what, what kind of shit you were listening to

to fall tool? To fall asleep

- Probably.

Yeah. Yeah. I, I still have to fall.

I have to fall asleep listening to something.

- Really? - Yeah. It's just the way I can't, can't sleep.

I either listen to like a audio book or a podcast or music.

- I like to do that with an iPad.

- Yeah. - Stuff my head thinking.

- Same. Yeah.

If I could focus on something I,

'cause I'll just stay awake forever just thinking

- Exactly like me. Yeah.

- You look like you fully forgot that the,

that you were filming that day when you woke

up you were surprised.

- Well you know, I look at the camera

because I used to have a rule where I was like,

don't fucking film me waking up.

That was like my one thing. Mm. It was actually two.

It was don't film me eating and don't film me waking up.

- I feel like there's so much of both.

- Yeah, they didn't, they

- Didn't. Yeah, they didn't listen.

- Yeah. - Did you get to know the camera people pretty well

and like remember who was

traveling to you? Yes. And who was with you on that

- Trip?

I don't remember who was with me on that trip, but I,

but we have worked with num, like some

of them continuously for 20 something years.

Like on different projects and things.

So it was, it was pretty, pretty cool.

- That is cool. - Yeah.

- I like that You guys have so many people that have worked

for you for a very long time or with you.

Oh it's always a good

- Sign.

Mark will be with this Israel about

- 34 years.

Yeah. Let's see. Jack crush this seed.

- Yeah. - The big Dawson's Creek moment.

- Super crushed. That's - What the fuck. What's this about?

You seeing me naked? What did you

- Tell her?

- Just - What you told me. Chief. Fuck you. Yay.

Luck. That's a wrap on

- Jazz.

- Yay. Jazz. Nice. Oh that was acting. Yes.

Oh, I thought it was for real.

No, that was, that's how good it is.

That's how good that was good.

- I love when you're just like, you live in la too busy.

Good luck. That's,

I can feel that it's gonna be good.

Fill my vibe because it's gonna feel the vibe.

It's something That's my dad do the show 31 years ago.

- That's me. Yeah.

That is you. The dancing.

- Yeah. Doing. They're really getting shit myself right

- Now.

You're doing it. Maybe stand with the track.

We're on the floors and we'll be

- You were singing.

Never say die. What was that? Huh?

Because they were showing like

however many years ago you did it and then oh fucking hell.

- Another run down the stairs. My favorite push she comes.

- Yes.

Where was get these stones from?

- Well I picked them off.

We still got no fishing poles here.

- We've got them here. - We've got any cheese

- Fit.

Cheese. Cheese. Cheese. Fishing pole with cheese. What?

Fish like cheese. What are you doing? It's true. Really?

- Yeah. You could fish with cheese fishing on the,

with the cheese and the hu fish like cheese.

- Fish like cheese. Stop. Wow.

Fish like cheese going fish with cheese.

Fish. Cole fish catch fish.

- Oh god. Not a good idea. We're trying catch gate. Oh fish.

There you go.

- Fucking ocean. Yo. Yo.

The, the argument with the ocean continues. Let's

- Mom cackling next time I'm the osbo the best.

I love that laugh.

How did you feel about your top of the pops?

Dad says you are very good. I was very nervous.

I still have not watched

- Perform bad - Other than that. Is

- She alive?

- Yeah. Singing live. - Yeah.

- It's - Fucking nerd.

You used to sing what they were doing.

The top of the pops musicians union would've to come down

to the, you have to go sort record the studio

and rerecord the single and be at the vocal line.

Do the vocal line live.

But what you do, you BB the guy a few bucks

and you sweep the chase sink.

- Really? - But that was not going on for years isn't it?

- Yeah, it was going on for years.

- So it was like a thing where they wanted you

to sing live but you would like

- Yeah.

- You would flood it. Yeah. And

- Go to hundred and bribe someone. Hundred qui.

- Wow. It's kind of a good deal.

- Jesus. - And there was 10 acts,

there was there wasn't there 10 Perform? No.

- 10. I can't remember 10. But they'd go through the top

- 10. Yeah.

- And you'd see, - So you at least, so

what if you're paying someone 800 bucks per song

and there's at least five songs.

- It's a, you know, when you look back,

I forget about all those moments that were so exciting.

Did you feel like that was bigger for you than,

than MTV movie awards or just I think Top Yeah.

Meant more to me than the MTV awards just

because of, I didn't grow up watching top of the, sorry,

MTV the way that I grew up watching Top of the Pops.

- Yeah. But the MTV went worldwide

and top of the pops was for the

- Uk.

- Yeah. - Yeah. And Sharon, you finally made it outside

to enjoy the fire

- I did - With the Aussie fishing.

Do you feel like he does some of this shit

to just make you laugh and cheer you up

or just mental or both?

Both. Combo. Okay.

- Both. Definitely both. Yeah.

- Dad doesn't realize how funny he is.

- Hilarious. - And I think sometimes he thinks people are

laughing at him but they're laughing with him.

And fish do like cheese. They do.