Original subtitles

- We've done it.

It's the final episode of season one episode. Woo.

You made it. No major fights. No. No one's walked out. No.

No knives. No knives.

- Few, few rows. - Small ones. We would

- Say, I would say rows.

- Healthy discussions, - I would say. Yeah. Discussion.

- Hearty discussions. - Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I

- Just have to ask one thing.

Did you guys realize, like

as you were adults, that how much you used to bicker?

- Yeah. Yeah. I don't, I don't know.

I don't think I ever realized how much I, I used to bicker.

- It seems very normal to me.

But also now you have your own family, so you're not like,

like do you think if you went on a vacation together right

now, you would bicker the whole time?

- No. Probably. Well, - You went two

- Years ago. We

- Were all together - And we didn't bicker. It was great.

- Two, where were we all together? We were Hawaii. Hawaii.

Hawaii. That's right. Yeah.

- That was the best holiday ever.

- That was a lot of fun. - Nobody's shitting the weed.

No, no, no, no weed, no nothing. It was harmony.

Well, I don't know if you remember, but

- The format of the final episode is a little bit different.

It's a dinner with Ozzy.

He's gonna have like some fucking nine course meal.

- I don't remember - This. Is that

where he mentioned Sting? Yes. Yes.

- He mentioned, well, - Sting,

where you say it could be worse.

I could be Sting. Yes. That's

- During the T course.

- Yes. - Look at that.

- That's a fancy apple.

- I'm, I'm Ozzy Osborne. I've been called Ozzy Osborn.

Can remember my real name's. John Michael Osborne.

I was born in Aston Birmingham.

I don't know what a typical American family is

because I I, it, it's not abnormal to me

the way I live.

'cause I live that way

- There.

Straight one

- That looks - Like,

- Stop it.

Don't scream. Please don't scream it. You are screaming.

- Cut my God. On the mirror. It's up top on top. Top. Oh.

But look, dad, please don't push the mirror. Look it is Dad.

Because look at it. Look at the mirror. I know. I,

- I'm not, I just calm fucking down man.

- Oh Daddy, please. The fuck I gonna get here.

You gonna come up behind. Go. Why are you tickling? Stick?

That's an antique. Be careful. It's my computer.

- The tickling stick step on hand seems like a bad idea.

- No, no. It's a horrible idea.

I don't like this all stop.

I'm laughing. Usual smack him in the head.

That other, that other voice is Amy. It's not me.

It's an attack movement.

- It's an attack move. What the fuck is she talking about?

Shut the fuck up. Get down. Thank you. Squeeze that at it.

Squeeze that at it. Scare.

- Oh yeah. Terrified. Oh, see, it's gonna fucking get you.

It's gonna kill you. Dad, please.

- It's gonna kill you.

- Hit it with this, don't you, dad? Oh, no, no.

Oh, come on. What's up?

I,

is that your sister?

Yeah.

- Whoa. Oh, oh, the fuck.

It's on the ground. Help me.

- No, it's on the top.

- It's not. Where is it? My

- Sharon?

How did this cat get in? Were you trying to rescue it?

She was trying to rescue it.

It was, it had had kittens in our garden. Oh.

And she was trying to get a hold of it

so she could feed it and whatever.

And then I don't even know

how she got it into the guest house.

I love this news. Once again. You guys are like, yes,

- Let's team up for some chaos.

Yeah. Let's get this kid so much screaming.

- There was a lot of scream,

- Chaos.

I'm nervous. Moment I go, they start screaming.

I'm thinking the fucking thing.

Jump out and wrap my throat. Or

- I, someone would think it was like a,

a wild wolf on the loose in there.

It's a kitten. It's just a cast pretty

- To me.

He would out

- Sort that thing out.

- Let's join Ozzy for his next course.

- Oh, what are we having after the fruit?

- I know that was a wild apple, right?

- Yeah. - Who's eating that?

- My wife Sharon is the leader.

We all depend on her for everything.

You know, even me, I'm like the monkey on the piano.

I did the jumping. I She plays the tunes

- Past this.

- No. What? I don't, I don't want to taste this.

- Yes, you - Do.

- What is it? - Taste it.

- What is it, Cy? - No. Taste it.

- Cyanide. - It's

- Gum.

It's a new gum.

- You are winding me up. No. - Taste it.

- It's a fucking

stamp. Nothing. Nah.

- Do you like it? - Fucking crap. It disappeared.

- It's - Just meant to freshen your mouth.

- I gum Now you lied to me. - It's

- Fucking horrible, isn't it?

- I don't like it. - Oh, thanks a lot. You cu

- Great bathroom.

- Yeah. - The, you know what's funny?

Like, that's the first time like trying one of those things.

And most people those have been at like,

they've had them their entire lives.

- Yeah. Yeah. It was crazy when they first came out.

- Yeah. Yeah. - It was, yeah. It was like taking acid.

Yeah. And then it, and then your mouth was so fresh,

- So long.

She, she, she goes, oh my test. Tell me, try this. You like,

- You seem like you think she's pranking

you a lot of the time.

- Oh, you, you don't ever know it Joan. So wary.

- Yeah. Well, when you say cunt to Sharon, is

that a term of endearment? Yes.

- Yes. - I take no notice. No notice

- To, I just like, I can't believe how much we all used

to say cunt back then.

- I love it. We say it way more then than we do now.

- Yeah. But we, I can't believe how much we used to

curse. It's ridiculous.

- What are you talking about, dad? That's not changed.

- I, I know. All right. Know how much we do curse. Yeah.

- We do swear a lot.

- I feel right in it's, it's actually

quite a British thing.

So when a lot of Americans hear us, they're stunned.

Is it a British thing? Where,

- Where did you get that from?

It's quite a British thing.

- It is? - No,

- The swearing or the cut

- Of to to the, to the lower end of the scale.

- Yes, it is - The lower end of the,

but the last time I checked, none

of us are from the upper end of the scale.

No, we're down there.

You might make it sound Everyone in England.

- No. I should should say lower class people like

us swear a lot.

I never heard the queen say cunt. No, not once. No. Never.

- I wonder if the queen ever did that. The worst.

Saying that to a woman is the worst thing.

My ex-wife, oh God. Used to go fucking nuts.

I call her cunt. The cunt.

- Shout out. - Shout out.

Yeah. I just go.

Okay. Next.

- Well, and you were fucking with him a little bit.

So you know you're being a little double.

You know what you're up to. Let me ask you all this.

Have you ever been on a cruise together? No.

- No. Me and Sharon went, went, went to, came

to America on the QE two and I will never fucking do it

- Again.

I was pregnant and I, I was quite far pregnant.

And so I was to fly this

- Kelly.

So went Kelly was?

- Yes, it was with Kelly. And then we went on the QE two.

'cause Ozzie was doing the US festival. And so was

- Did you take the QE two back or did you fly back?

- I flew back. - Oh,

- I know.

- I mean, - How

- Long - Does it take? I said

- Five days, - Two days.

You know, it's like she from ship to ship.

Get me a fucking helicopter. I can't take this.

- A helicopter he thought was gonna hover over the, just

to pick up you two.

I wasn't gonna go pregnant.

This pregnant dangling on the button. It was

- The worst.

The only good thing about it. The food was fucking great.

Everything else sucked.

- Well, maybe this explains why

- You two, you got jogging

around the fucking deck all day long.

- Yeah. This explains why you two have no interest

in going on a cruise.

- No. - No. I'd be up for it.

- Would you? - Well, my kids just went on one

and they were like, it's the greatest thing

they've ever done in their lives.

They like are obsessed with it.

So I'm like, I'll go check it out.

- I, I feel really weird.

So many people, so many people,

- Some fucking chips now likes blocks on the floor

- And it literally takes about two

hours to get off the thing.

'cause there's so many people. Yeah.

- And people disappear on them things.

- Yeah. Or get some weird - Shit virus.

- Yeah. I knew I worked for the guy.

Do you remember when that it was like a, God,

I forgot the name of the boat.

Like a carnival cruise.

The engine died midway, like on this cruise.

And the boat was just adrift for days.

- Yeah. This was just like last year, right?

- No, this was a few years back. Oh, okay.

Like this was like maybe 2013.

- Yeah. - More than a few years. But who, who died?

No one died. The boat was just

Arif. The engine engine. I think this

- Just happened again.

- Oh, it happened again? - Or,

or maybe there was like a sickness

going around that everyone got

- Quarantined on - The ship. Yeah.

- And - They was sleeping on the, the gate and everything.

I watched this program, a guy fucking,

- Why are we talking about cruises?

- A guy was on a ship. - I'm trying to set up the next

- Clip. I,

- This guy was on a cruise in the, in the band.

On, on, on a cruise.

And the ship I just blew up or something was sinking.

He fucking get rescued.

He is, he's the last, he's the only one that can talk to the

- Wait, what's happening?

So there's a guy in a band on a boat that's sinking.

- Yeah. Okay. And he get, gets rescued, gets another ship.

The fucking same thing happens again.

- Kelly, you have a very specific,

- And he said never again.

- A specific fear at this time of going on a cruise.

- Oh, you are quarterly invited to join us.

- Are we giving - You invited? I'm not going on a

boat. Why not Kelly?

- Oh, I'm going - You're probably not you a shit on

- Boat.

Can you? You can shit on boat. Shit. On boats. Yeah.

Like airplanes and tour buses.

You can't shit on an airplane.

- Keep supposed to go two weeks on a fucking ocean liner

without taking a shit.

- Oh, this fucking, - Hey Jill,

you wanna go on a cruise with me? As long as you

- Don't take a shit, you can go

- Those visit he's back for a visit.

Just a casual visit.

Did you really think that you couldn't

shit on a cruise ship?

- Yeah. I don't Used to think that you weren't allowed

to shit on airplanes as well.

- When you, when you, when you go, when you've been on a

ship for a few days, when you get to the next,

wherever you go in, you, you, you get off

and you still watch why you've got

- The wobbly legs. Webbers

- Takes about - Days.

Wait, what was the invite for? I

- Can't remember.

Someone cordially invited the family onto a cruise.

But you seemed like the only one that

- Was into the - Idea.

- I would've been, it would've been great.

- Also. You catch it on a tour bus out of politeness.

- No, it's because the, the,

like the black water system on a, on a tour bus is

where they're not used to be.

- Sure. - Now you can,

- But you can, but you But it's not suggest you shouldn't.

Yeah. You really, really shouldn't. No, of course not.

- And what, but what the driver would often do when driving

them buses, if you had bad service at the hotel,

he'd pull up at the hotel,

let the shit go in the front door.

Oh, oh. And the chemical mixture.

I'm telling you, you have never spill anything

so fucking b in your life.

- Oh, it's - Horrible.

- Oh my God. Do

- You remember what happened with Dave Matthews in Chicago?

- Yes. It got a crushed bridge.

- Yes. What - Happened?

- His tour bus malfunctioned

and they accidentally like dumped its black water tank

as it was going over a bridge in Chicago.

And a tourist boat was going under the bridge at the time.

And they just got rained in.

Dave, Matthew, Dave Matthew's, van's

- Shit - Waist.

- We have, we have a, a rule. - That's terrible.

- No dumping on the bus. - Of

- Course, of - Course.

- So I've been on a few. An emergency fucking

bug would stink.

- It just sits there in the air. It's, ugh.

Nothing. Right. A lot. Yeah. I'm moving my alarm. Yeah.

Let's go back to dinner with Ozzy. Perfect segue.

A weird episode. It's it is weird. It's a weird finale.

- Jumps - Around.

- Yeah. - Jack's a very good boy. Yeah.

Sometimes compared to me. He's an angel. Jack's eyes.

I was drinking massive amounts of booze,

smoking puck doing speed.

And a bit several creatures. Heads up.

But you know, when you, when you're kids,

when you're younger, you do you, you, you, you go, man,

what was wrong with me man?

- 15-year-old boy should not be working around

with fucking rifles and knives.

- You, have you ever been a 15-year-old boy? No.

- Shut up. - I was the one behind the gun, right?

- Yes. I was the one that fucking

- Got shot. All right.

- Oh, here we go. Now why you still hold this,

- This grudge from, because you shot me six years ago

and you still get angry when we talk about it, Kelly,

- Because you - Fucking

- Shot me.

- Yeah. What's your point? You're an idiot.

It a pellet Kelly.

It was about the half the size of my fingernail. Oh.

Regardless, it would be no different than a rock

getting thrown at you, Kelly.

Just a very fast rock.

- It went through my fucking leg.

- You've done some fucked up shit to me.

- I haven't shot - You laugh when I got smacked in the face

with a baseball bat

- Because it was funny.

- All - Kids fight and,

and I suppose when they get older, sure.

As as they'll stop fighting each other.

But they're so close. It's not even funny.

- Jack, can you need some help of what?

Removing the cock from your mouth, Kelly. Wow. That was so,

- That was - Fucking unnecessary. Good one, Cal.

- Real good. That was fucking below the belt.

- I what? A random attack.

- Wow. Wow. That was so below the belt. That was

- A random - Attack I

- Felt. Wow. I felt that myself

- Sort of on the same level as the donkey comment.

- What donkey comment

- When you called the child hotline?

'cause I smacked you after you said it to me.

- Oh - Yeah.

- That story is two stories combined by the way.

And you have

- That was, that was fucking way down there.

That was, yeah. It's all

- Right.

- Are we missing any context or, I don't,

- I have No.

Is just outta nowhere. Yeah.

There was a, there was a time

where like Kelly loved like dick in your

mouth insults to me.

Yeah. And one time, oh, these nuts

far worse. Hold on.

- Sorry. I don't think it was far worse than Dee nuts

- Plane.

No, you dunno the story I'm gonna say,

but you, you will in a second.

We had, I don't know why,

but there was a dildo in my mom's office

and Kelly grabbed it

and fucking smacked me across the face

with this giant dildo. That's

- Painful.

- And I had a fucking dildo bruise across my face. No, it

- Wasn't a bruise.

It was like this red slap mark

that was in the shape of a dick.

- It was just like dick slap mark across my face.

- So the comments came from that. Did it.

What would bring on when you would decide

to put on the army gear? I don't know. Just,

- I was just thinking about that

- Too.

- When you said that. - What would spur you on? You don't

- Know.

It went from fucking smoking part arriving in clothes

to fucking action. Man.

- Action. - Jack. She's just been patriotic.

You know, we'd just gone to war with Afghanistan.

- Okay. - That's it.

- We were at war with Afghanistan. Yeah.

- Maybe after the den.

Random random attacks from Kelly in the kitchen. Bad.

You just had to put your armor on.

- Oh my God, it's so bad.

- Can we show Sharon's face in that again?

Because it's very funny.

You clearly want to laugh, but you have to be a mother.

A little smirk.

- There is a little smirk. - Kelly.

- And do you like my comeback? Nice one, Kelly.

- Well, you, how could you be prepared?

It came from nowhere. So vicious.

- You don't, my wife, you know

what I really noticed from this first season?

How much of it takes place at night?

- Yeah. - Yeah. There's not a whole lot

of daytime scenes with us.

- Oh, yeah. But it didn't have

to put best thing on the window.

- Yeah. But you can still see when

it's daylight, daylight outside.

Like this looks like it's middle of the night. Well,

- You, you, my, your daddy's the prince of darkness,

- Ozzy, do you feel,

do you still think Jack's a very good boy?

- Absolutely. The best.

- That's nice. Thank you.

And you, you list all the things you're afraid

that he's doing, but you're doing pretty much

- All those, all of - Them things.

Yeah. And you knew, but Well, that's,

- Listen, if I was Jack, I

and I, I had me as a dad and,

and his mom was mom, I'd have been fucking

dare away every day. I

- Did your dad know that you were drinking as a kid?

- He would've fucking killed me.

- Yeah. You were able to hide it from him pretty well.

- All he, my father thought all,

all he knew about drugs was speed.

Everything was speed.

- Really? - Oh, yeah. All, all, all in he knew knew

that it was called speed.

No. Anything about it.

- He just knew there was a drug called speed.

- No. Everything he, he, like,

when he was fucking on his deathbed,

he went straight speed, you know.

- Well, but - Obviously in a lot of pine,

I gave him pine medications.

- But if people have a lot of like, certain kinds

of jobs in the town, like factory jobs

or what, a lot of those guys are taking speed, right?

Just to work so many hours. Well,

- I used go to an all night club in Birmingham, Saturday.

It was called the Midnight City.

It was all night when I used to work in the

slaughter, just across the road.

So I finished my shift, go go into clean drink all day.

I'd pri tell myself I'll be staying at my friend's house.

Then I would carry night, I'd do the dex ring,

stay awake all night and go back

to the laughter following night.

- Yeah. Burn it down.

I can't imagine how that night

smells breaking bad over here.

- Go home. Z Zack GED outta my head here

and told to pretend to be tired

because I would be a friend staying bed.

Well,

- Horrible.

- And I always used start beans on toes or so reason

- That's what you used - To eat

- At - The end of the day.

That that was your come down food.

- Kelly, can you imagine saying that comment to Jack now?

Yes.

- That was fucking awful. It was. Woo.

Would I say years ago, Jack?

- Now? Probably. No. - How years ago was that jet?

- 23 years ago. - And still hurts me now.

- Oh, excuse me.

- No, that was pretty,

you couldn't have rehearsed it better.

- Yeah. I just wanna know why you said it.

- I - Don't know why I said it,

- Because it just seemed like I was just in the

kitchen minding my own kitchen. So I told you

- So I was sitting there sort going cold, Chuck.

Yeah, I know.

- I must, there must've been something I,

- I can't remember.

That's for sure. Mm. You wanna hear Ozzy

talk about you, Sharon?

Oh, please.

- Back to dinner.

- My wife, my wife, she don't like cooking.

She Oh, and she's like me.

She doesn't like the smell of cooking in her house.

- I'm hungry. Make me dinner. I'll be a mother. Be a mother.

You care. Make me food.

You've never haven't made us dinner in so long.

Why don't you please, come on, mom. Make me food.

Mommy make me food. I hate the smell of cooking. Kelly.

What if you make pasta? It doesn't smell. What? What

- Do you want me to do, please?

- I'll make it. It's all right.

Mom doesn't know how to cook

ke How about, how about you make me a

- Nice sandwich?

Mom? Bacon. No.

- Look at Lulu. - How I can do that.

Would you like look at her l

- What kind of sandwich you like?

- I'll make it myself. Nos. Do it. You Kelly, me, help you.

Please. Come on. You are drunk.

You are drunk. I knew

- Drunk.

You're so much. You. Beautiful. Would

- You please inform your daughter?

- You're so much. You drunk.

- You're drunk. Why were you are stoned. I wasn't.

And you are stoned. You weren't? No. Oh, you don't remember?

No. So how can you say that you are,

but do you absolutely remember that night?

You seem loose. A little loose.

- Well, I'm stoned. What?

- But if I'm, if I'm smelling it and you're, you're behaving

- Like I'm, I'm stoned.

- The sniffer dog again. - Yes.

- The nose. Yeah. - What was

- I very - Stoned.

Because this was after you'd done your foot in

and you were really, you were in a lot of pain.

A lot of pain. Yeah. Needed it a lot. So much. We

- Do an outfit check real quick.

- Kelly. Yeah, go on.

I was like, had suit like this eighties

revival thing going on.

- Hand suit. Yeah. Yeah.

We were wearing a lot of business casual attire to go

to the club at that time.

The earrings are cute.

Did you guys hang out a lot in the kitchen when you weren't

- Filming?

We always do. Yeah. We always,

- We all always gathering spots.

- But every house we ever had, we had a big kitchen

where we always, for some we should

have bought a fucking house.

Just a kitchen. We never use the house. Really?

- Ozzy, why don't you like the smell of food cooking?

- It's not that I, I don't like, like when I,

when I'm cooking for myself, if I'm doing it,

I can't eat it.

At the end of it, I'm so fucking fed up with it.

You know, when you, you cooking, you're tasting,

you're fucking timing.

And it's not a, an enjoyable thing to do.

At the end of the day, at the end of the, when you cook,

it's like you're sick of fucking

around with it, you know? Yeah.

- Why don't you like the smell

of food in the house? I don't like smell

- Fry - Of

- Food.

- I - Don't like it. If you,

if you're fry doing anything, I didn the fuck out.

She goes, what the fuck are you doing in,

she either come running down the stairs going,

- What are you doing in my house?

Yeah. I just using the kitchen. Yeah.

But I don't like, I think it stems from when I was a child

and I used to go into friends' houses.

It always smelled of dirty oil, all my friends.

And it was like,

- Because you, you know, the thing is, when you,

when you're in a certain environment to you,

that's normal.

You know? You can't smell it. It, it smells like your ass.

But when Sharon goes in

and she's like, fuck. You know, you know,

- Is there something that zy - Cooks you? But I agree

- With that.

- I do agree with her. You go into, years ago,

you'd go into pills that, and you never,

it wasn't an offensive smell,

but it was a definite odor that wasn't, not,

not, you used to,

- There's something intimate about it.

It's like smelling rumor. I'd have to say sex or something,

- Right?

- Yeah. It's intimate. It's good. When it's yours.

- Fuck are you guys talking about? I'm so long right?

You guys, literally,

this is the most insane fucking

conversation on planet Earth. Planet. Okay.

- Planet. He's at it again. - Smelling food is a

luxury for one.

- Yes. And - Like, at what point do you go?

Oh, so dis disgust. Like what? No, no.

- I, I, I'm, I'm like it, I'm saying

if I cook it, I can't eat it.

- Okay. That's not true.

Because you've cooked a shit ton of french fries

and I've seen you eat the shit out him.

- Yes, yes, yes. That's French fried.

But when you cook potato, gravy, beef, fuck all

that. I can't eat that.

- But Jacque, when you go into someone else's house

and it smells like they just had dinner

or something, that doesn't bother you at all.

- It depends what, like,

if it's something like gross that they fucking Yeah.

- Ethnic jack.

- Ethnic. Well, I mean, if it's Thai food. No, just kidding.

Well, yeah. Duh.

Clearly no ethnic food in my life. I,

- But mind you though, I do my musk agree to us.

What does this house like me?

- Yeah. My god. This house stinks.

- Oh, thank you.

I'm pretty sensitive to, it has not stung to me.

But there's been a lot of candles.

Yeah. Every time I've been here

- And there's been a lot of fucking spoil, it's,

let me tell you, there's been a lot of fucking hard fight

and I'm not, not joking

- From the decorative candle.

- Yes. Yeah. A lot. They've been fucking

forward to my knowledge.

- Yeah. - And I keep going.

You know what a candle is a fucking small fire.

Which could, the candle goes down and the fucking fat.

We had a rental, we had a rental house.

One one down on the flats. I I'm in bed.

I, I'm going, what the fuck? It's just smoke in the room.

We come in the room, I go downstairs, I opened the door.

Look over the banister, the fucking table's blasting.

And he is me at four o'clock in the morning

with fucking five and running around the out.

- Yeah. I leave my candles burning all the

time. I shouldn't.

- I'll tell you what, you gotta be careful with candles.

You gotta make sure you blow the fucking things

- Out.

Kelly had a fire in your apartment from a candle as well.

Yeah. And even as never had one.

Go back to the smell of cooking.

If people, if you go in a house

and it smells of baking, someone's baking a cake.

That's quite cookies. That's great.

Yeah. Like Mrs. Fields, why are we

- Talking about, - Why the

- Fuck are we talking about this? Can we talk about the

- Show?

Yes. The thing is about the show. No, it's not.

They were talking about the smell of food.

- Yeah, no. They were saying, oh, okay.

- Ozzie said Sharon's like me.

We don't like the smell of cooking. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Frying, manly frying.

- Okay, we get it. Move. Let's moving. Whoa, we get it.

Let's hear Ozzy say some sweet shit about Sharon.

- What really first attracted me to my wife was her laugh.

She's got such a great laugh.

- Little devil.

Okay, I'm gonna piss myself,

but I need more up here.

- Why? If you get a boob job, I'll never talk to you again.

- I want those things that start up here.

There's nothing here.

- Mom. You don't need that. I don't have that.

- Melinda - Does. Well

because Melinda has the fucking hugest jungers

in the hometown world. Melinda

- Jonas.

- Oh man. - Unzip your shirt, please, Melinda. Pardon?

Can you, can you unzip your shirt a minute

to see your T-shirt underneath?

Fuck you go on. No. Why?

- That's called sexual harassment.

- Not to - Say to your boss. Fuck you. I apologize.

- That's - Fine.

- Why do I have to unzip my shirt?

- Because I wanna see - The t-shirt.

- Look, I've got nothing on.

Look, they don't start there, mom. They do.

No, they don't. So

- Much sexual - Harassment going on.

They start me. They don't, kids don't start here mom.

They start here.

- What - Were you looking for, Sarah?

Do you know that this is piss on your chest?

Mom wants pectoral muscles.

Like we still like argue about plastic

surgery and what mom should not be doing.

And if

- We have the technology we can rebuild her. That's

- Right.

Poor Melinda. You guys are

talking about her. She's a 6 million

- Woman.

Cost me 6 million.

- She looks perfect.

Ozzy, do you remember the first time you

heard Sharon's laugh?

- Can't remember the - Roughly.

- It's a love, it's a love echoes through a building

or it's wonderful

because she still, she'll laugh at fucking anything,

but she mostly somebody in some distress of some kind.

- Kelly, what's your favorite version of your mom's laugh?

'cause I've noticed just over this short time you have,

you know, you're, I'm up to no good laugh. I, yeah,

- Probably my, my mom's up to no good laugh

because I always know something fucking

terrible is about to happen.

- I like the, I like the the hunched over cackle.

The I'm gonna piss myself off.

- Oh, and she does. - She does.

- She absolutely does herself laugh.

I've never known anybody that can laugh at that point, but,

and I've laughter.

That's a great level.

- It's amazing how much stuff though didn't make the show.

- Yeah. - Like now that it's like, now

that we're watching like the first season, like the amount

of stuff that they filmed that didn't go

- Anywhere, - Anything, all the other stuff getting

destroyed too, like

- No, - No, no. We

- Have it - The, the first, like the first week

that they filmed with us,

like when we actually were moving in, they show some of it.

Obviously you see the boxes in the first episode,

but I remember the first night at the house when Kelly

and I were there and we just didn't know what to do.

And there was just cameras.

- Yeah. - I remember just being sad. You're

- Just staring.

Yeah. Just being like, well, what

- Do we do?

- And they were just filming us. Just

- Doing and just months later.

Yeah. Do you need help with that cock in your mouth?

It happened quick. This is how I make good tv.

Okay. Moving right along. Let's hear Ozzy on Kelly.

- Kelly definitely doesn't take after Shannon

and she definitely doesn't take after me.

She, she's just Kelly.

- That's your stomach and you just,

- I refrain. You do just,

- I was gonna say, I think so.

She said that word again.

- God, - You fucking is really gross.

- Osborne - Earmuffs.

Kelly, did you be right?

- Fucking Oh my God. So gross.

You're fucking disgusting.

She's on and have a She's gonna, didn't Mariah,

Carrie does do that in cribs?

No. Oh, scrubbing. There she goes again.

- That was mental. - It's really gross.

- That was very good. Turn you licked your finger

and wiped it on your mother's face. Oh

- Wow.

I was joking.

You weren't gonna touch her with your vagina finger.

Of course she was. She's lying.

- No, I don't think mom would've done that.

- No, never. And was joking. You're chasing her around.

- Kelly, you were kind of a, you,

this was a rough episode for you.

- I know - You arm

- Fire. She's devilish.

- She's fucking really fired - Up.

- Ozzy. Do you still think Kelly's not

like either one of you?

- No. She, she's very much like a mom. Very much.

- But I'm also a lot like you too in many ways.

- Oh, it would be be like you.

- But I am, as I'm watching this, I've been like,

oh my God, this is so weird.

How mu I've ended up being just like my mom.

- Do you, do you guys think your kids are like you?

- I don't think I'm much like any of them.

- My - Kid's 17 months, so I can't, I

think your kids are like you.

- Oh, kids like ticking after

- You.

I can pose a lot like Jack.

- You gotta, you gotta, you, your body's very much like

your legs and your arm.

- Yeah. I mean you can definitely tell my kids

and my kids for sure.

Pearl and I's personality is pretty similar.

And Minnie and some Andy, my 9-year-old is,

- She's a force onto her own.

- She's a her own thing. - She's like somewhere else.

- Yeah. - Always has been. Yeah.

- She's a, yeah, she's a, she's a hurricane on her own.

But yeah, the, it's funny, like

- Minnie Mouse is - Minnie is, yeah.

She's a lot like me. I love her

- Little legs.

Minnie, I love her

- Min's - Respectful. She's

- Just so quiet. She just sits there.

- She, she talks to me and I, and she's got a little handbag

and I, I'm, she's talking to me.

I don't have a clue what she's talking to me about.

- I literally have to look at her some time

and go, Minnie, I have no idea what you're talking about.

Aw. And she's just talking. She, yeah.

- And she's doing it for about 10

minutes with She's adorable.

- She's funny. She loves science fiction.

- Does she? - She watched both Dune movies like back

to back the other day and like, loves him.

- That's so cute. Elvis. Elvis.

Do you need to get kicked out?

- I think so. No. He's all right.

- Back to dinner with Ozzy.

- If I could beat somebody for one day, I'd like

to be Paul McCartney with John Lamb

because they lit the spark lit the flat torch in my head

when I heard the Beatles, I thought I want to be a Beatle.

So I became most gospel on nothing like the Beatles.

- I'd like - To see the bad guys when I'd like

to see your favorite name.

Oh, this is when dad got his stop.

- Big Dave.

- Be metal roll.

- People don't come out like this because it's true.

They don't.

- Do you remember this day Sharon? It seems so exciting.

- It was, I know, you know, since I've talking to mom,

but it was like, you know, I'll never forget about that day.

Poor Bobby Thompson in the audience and his fucking neck.

Like a had a blow tour to

- Yeah.

So Bobby, who was his tour manager,

- This guy was a Scots guy.

Love, we spoke you

- About him before you - From the birthday. He got

- Throat cancer, but like, still like,

and he was undergoing like significant

treatment and he came out

- And he and he, and he was supposedly,

and I felt so bad he looked, I dunno, but

- Radiation - Someone took a fucking blow to, to his neck.

- Yeah. - Fuck he looked. So, and he was like in the other

- World.

Aww. That's so supportive of him though.

- Sharon said, you should go over to his house

and spend some time with him.

And I get to the house.

I don't know what the fuck do I talk to him about? You know?

He was so sad.

And he, and he came on the road with me

and he died in Mic Birmingham, Michigan all place.

- Oh. Oh wow. That's, so he died on the tour

- And I, and I went, went to his room

and I closed his eyes for him.

- Ugh. - Heartbreaking fat.

- And and you're and you're right Kelly.

Like it seems like these events aren't so like,

such a big deal anymore.

They're not a big deal anymore. But, but at this time,

that's huge.

Yeah. And just have the whole street shut

- Down his family.

This guy's family and our family were

very close for a long time.

- Mm. - And he was such a nice man.

- Alright, what

- Else?

Well, I'm not gonna stop him from talking about his dead

friend, you guys.

No, I just did. I'm not gonna shut up.

Ozzy Osborne. So we saw Marilyn Manson there.

Do you remember anybody else

besides Bonnie Williams that was at the, Rob Williams?

Was there? Marilyn Manson.

- Man, they free English guy.

- Robbie Williams. Williams. Yeah.

So when you get a star, they, they like,

I guess the rule is you have to have two celebrities,

like give a speech about you.

- Oh, interesting. - Yeah. As a part of like, the deal.

And so Marilyn Manson and Robbie Williams.

- Oh - Wow. Are you

- And Robbie Williams got out there a crowd of Boo

- Yeah.

'cause Robbie is really, he's a pop star.

He's a pop star. He's not,

- Yeah.

But, but he everywhere in the world he fucking knew.

But he, you come to America

and you see he's said, I could walk on the streets.

- Nobody knew him here at that time.

Are you all still friends with Marilyn Manson? Yeah.

- Yeah. He had just a couple of weeks ago.

- Did he give a good speech when you got your start?

- Yeah, he did - Back at dinner with Ozzy.

And there is one, oh, it's more shit talking

and you, you called it earlier, another English musician

that Ozzy does not like.

- I'm not proud of having a poor education.

I'm not proud of being dyslexic

and having attention deficit disorder.

Can you get me some equal? I'm not proud

of being a drug addict alcoholic.

I'm not proud about biting the head of a bat.

I'm not proud of a lot of things,

but I'm a real guy, you know, with real feelings.

And, and I suppose that that kind of, that kind

of scares me sometimes, you know, to be,

I was born, it could be worse.

I could be Sting

that went down in fucking, and I, I I met him

and he looked, I was walking, wait, but

- Let's cut to the story.

And you hadn't known him at this time? No, never. But we,

- The reason why - Went

back to, we went back to England. No,

- No. And they was

- Huge. The

- Reason why was because I read an article in the paper

and he was, he, he was putting down it all

heavy metal and all this.

Oh, I thought, what a fuck you don't know anything about.

So he, I, I thought, you know, you gotta be careful

what you say about people in the press.

'cause some days he comes to bite you in the ass.

- He'd just gone to China to perform Sting had.

And in the, in the papers, he goes, sting, why, why

- Quote, why sting sting

- Sting, why quotes, why quote, because he not his st name.

And he said in the newspaper,

a British reporter went from the times with him

to cover the event of him performing in China.

And he said, I am so glad that

Chinese people saw me

as Western music instead of Ozzy Osborne.

Yeah. Oh, that's unnecessary. That exactly.

And then when we got to England,

there were huge posters advertising the show.

And it was an Aussie at that dinner

and quotes, it could be worse, I could be sting.

So they were very funny everywhere.

And I think Sting's kids got very upset about it.

So whenever we would see him after that, we would, I

- Went, I, I went through going, it was one

of these situations when I first I thought, oh, here we go.

Fucking God, what am I gonna say to him?

He's walking towards me.

And he was like nervous as he was nervous as fuck.

I was a bit nervous. And we just passed in. But didn't

- Recently though, wasn't there

- Like recently somewhere.

There was no years ago. He said, this is ridiculous.

We, we see each other so often. Let's let's talk.

- Yeah. - And there was one occasion that I was having

a dinner and it was for the King Charles.

But then he was Prince of Wales

and I was one side of him and Sting was the other.

And I'm like giving him the sting eye all

night. The sting eye.

- The - Sting eye. Yeah, the sting. Eye

- Sting.

Well, it does seem like an unnecessary comment.

Like he started the fight and why even compared to a D

- Categories in actual fact, I, I I remember saying

to the guys, cut that sting back

yet I don't, I don't wanna start.

And he says, he promised me about a few days later,

come me we want to keep the sting thing in.

He's good for the show. I went, okay.

But what I did, but I did attempt, I it pulled

- Do you like stings music?

- I love the police. - Me too.

- Stings music is a bit on the sophisticated side though.

It's a bit, you know, it's like, it's like

- I, I prefer appropriation sting. I

- Mean, he is a nice, he's a nice, he's not a bad guy.

- Is Sting solo music better or worse than Owen and Paul?

Oh.

- Oh, okay. Okay. No, nothing tops Owen.

Paul. Who the

- Fuck's Owen?

The neighbor. That was the neighbor. The acoustic

neighbor. Oh,

- The neighbor that you threw the ham at.

- Oh yeah. Okay. - Well you threw the

- Log before we move into the final

montage of season one.

And then we're, and then we've done it,

which is very exciting.

We're gonna see a bunch of clips back to back.

But Ozzy,

how are you feeling now compared to when we started?

- It's been a rollercoaster of emotions,

but it it's a fact.

- Yeah. Yeah. It's a lot.

There's been so many different

emotional things. It's a lot to do

- For hours a day.

I, I I, I, I've seen snippets of the show,

but I don't really like to watch myself on tv.

Sharon doesn't like to watch yourself.

- You don't? - No, I don't either.

- How where are you at now compared

to when we started with this season?

- I think I've made, I was saying to one

of my friends on the phone the other day that it,

it feels like I'm beginning to make peace

with my inner child.

Like looking back at it

and seeing like what was in my control, what was out

of my control, what I blame myself for throughout my life.

I now realize that it's like I don't have

to blame myself for any of those things.

I was just a kid, you're a kid. This,

- This, this is Dale was saying there's a lot

of war going under the bridge and

- Yeah.

- Oh, what? I can't believe how fucking fast the time's got.

I mean, I can't believe it.

It doesn't seem that long ago, does it Bobby?

- It does to me. Yeah. It seems like,

- No, it doesn't. It

- Like time ago.

- It seems like a, a few, about 10 years ago.

- It doesn't, it doesn't, different people

- Doesn't.

- It doesn't for sure. Yeah. I you

- Don't, - These two still qua still b

but they, they've all got their own family's never. And you

- Still complain.

- I still complain. Sharon still laugh.

- The dog still shit on the floor.

It's a lot of consistency.

I'm not, but I'm not that much. I'll say

- I not that much have changed.

- I'm not telling Jack to take dicks out

of his mouth anymore.

So That's good. That's good. What about you, Jack?

Are you still happy you did this?

- Yeah. No, it's funny.

I, I was, I was talking to my wife last night about it, how

it's like watching this especially season one

because we didn't know what was gonna like it completely.

I'm like watching the last days of my life as

- A normal human - And just a a yeah. Kind of a kid in

- LA That's weird.

- And so it's weird to see.

And now, and it's just, it's weird to watch it like, oh wow.

Like my, the trajectory of my life completely changed

and it's all documented.

What led to that change?

- Yeah. Well let's see. The final montage.

- Oh boy.

- Practicality cleaning. - He doesn't

- Interest me.

Love the life I thing off is driving me mad.

I've got a pocket full of miracles to anybody.

Feed the dog. Oh my. Have too many.

When the sun doesn't get stone tonight,

if you have sex with condoms,

- Pocket full of miracles, my teeth might calm my vagina.

My business. That's right. Full of miracles.

The world's of bright and

- Shiny apple.

That's mine. All nine. Fucking hide Christmas.

I here ringing smack in

the smell of success.

She's eating the she shouldn't be drinking alcohol. Period.

So good. It's Christmas every day. Fuck.

Come see Tamara. And he walks around my head.

He scratches his fucking hand.

- Is he not wood pumpkin miracle

is the cat tied up in Christmas lights fucking cats.

She's here. She won't come out.

- Sharon Bubbles bubble.

Come on Sharon. I'm fucking out as the other, the prince

of fucking darkness.

What fucking evil. I gotta blow the fucking bubbles.

Break your mom's hearts. Yeah, but

- You're not gonna say anything

- I have to, dad.

You called it. Please.

I love you all. I love you more than you life yourself.

You don't fucking man. The then Kenny, what the fuck do you

- Want me to do, Kelly?

Oh, how? That was good.

Me and Jack have been brought up very

differently from everyone else. This fucking,

- What happened to it was the

little ring I used to wear on this.

- Don't you remember? You lost it in out welders.

But then we got you another one.

- No, the other little ring I used to.

- Yeah, I know it. - Probably upstairs.

- Little - Brother, sister. How the fuck off?

Oh no. That's the way we are. We are, we are the obos.

Oh, lovey. Aw.

That made me a little emotional.

That was a nice, that was a good way to end it

for Are we gonna do season two?

- Yes. Yeah, we will. We're gonna do season two and three

- When?

Next week. No, no,

- Right now.

Well, I have to thank you guys

- On behalf of the Oman.

Thank you Amy for everything

- Sir.

Thank you for letting me in your home.

And this has been so special and so fun.

Even if we didn't do anymore, I would never forget this.

You guys are the best now you're being a cut.

- Yes. Yes. Good for you.