Original subtitles

When I look at these pictures I think how all of them are single moments.

Well, sure. Of course they are,

that's why being present means being in the moment. - Right. Yeah.

And do you remember what you did? You old weasel.

You gave me this pink bathrobe as a gift ―

Yeah.

You had just come from the hotel

where you had been fucking your damn lover, fucking hard.

The whole night long. I was intensely jealous.

Oh.

At the end of the night you said:

"And, by the way, I gave this pink bathrobe to you as a gift

because Karoli had the same one and I wanted you to remind me of Karoli."

That was said to hurt you. - Well, exactly.

Do you remember that our first kiss was right here?

Yeah.

It was just by the old boat harbor over there.

I pulled myself together. Asked you if I could.

How old were we back then?

You were nineteen. I was twenty.

It took something like a year to get to the kiss.

MY PARTNERS

I have heard from other people and friends

that old school relationships no longer work.

But the new way is not really here yet. So how to do it?

How to create this free love, a love free of fear?

So you can really go home and tell your husband:

"God, dear Taavi, today in my shindo lesson

this really cool guy looked at me and smiled."

So Riita could express this and you could also feel what you feel

and Riita is ready to accept, that okay,

it was fun for you but it made Taavi pensive or unhappy at the time.

But in order to carry the relationship with such honesty

there is this practice all over the world

where couples entering the uncharted

world of free love will sign contracts.

So if there's a fight or a misunderstanding

they immediately turn to the contract:

"See, it says here in black and white that we can discard

these issues right now because we agreed not to argue over them."

Where are the limits? We can communicate,

smile, even go to the cafe with another woman or man

but hugging, kissing or starting a sexual relationship is forbidden.

How do you feel? Is this something you'd like to do?

Yeah! That's why we're here.

Our contract.

If we say that the relationship is completely free

and sex is allowed, we are authorizing new love, too.

Basically.

But in some sense that's good ― we're not restricting our life.

We're not.

We're liberating it as much as possible. - Exactly.

You can agree on whether you can sleep

with them in your marital bed or not.

Will the linen be washed afterwards or not?

You can allocate time to take a shower, for example.

Or when your beard is full of the smell of another woman's cunt,

can you kiss your wife on the cheek?

To Tinder or not to Tinder? - No!

We'll write down 'no'.

That's it. Write it down.

Right.

Long live love!

Long live love!

Something caught my eye:

the Biosensory Psychology Institute in Tallinn.

I feel a kind of attraction, maybe the next ―

You have to consider things a bit. What do you really need in life?

There's an infinite number of such courses, all the time and everywhere.

And how would this work in terms of the children?

Someone has to work full time for life to go on.

If I don't life won't go on here nor there.

Well, in Munich there are also courses and such.

Even some kind of a tantric school. But, well...

Well, like I said ―

after the workday I think of nothing else but "get home, lie down".

I simply don't have the energy to go anywhere else.

Blessed are you, Lord, our God, king of the universe,

who brings forth bread from the earth. Amen.

MUNICH, GERMANY

How was your day today?

Fine.

Did you go to the store on your own to get pizza or...?

Hanna went. - Hanna went alone, yeah?

And the school day was as usual?

Yeah.

I'll be there already next week.

Yeah.

We'll be able to do something together.

"You're the best in the world, I love you." With a double 'u'.

"I miss you, I hope you miss me too. This heart is just for you.

Hugs, Hanna. You're the greatest father in the world."

She's just expressing her feelings from the bottom of her heart.

Hi!

Where are the kids?

In the car. Waiting in the car. Yeah...

Well, come on, tell me, what's the solution.

We agreed between ourselves that ―

Who agreed with whom?

Me and Kay. That we won't meet any more.

Well, I want to be certain that things won't continue like this.

Or that you'll meet again next spring and it continues.

Otherwise I don't see any opportunity for our relationship anymore,

if this continues.

I've never thought that it could be some kind of polygamy.

That's why I ended up in the hospital.

The doctor said it's not normal to collapse like that.

It makes me truly unhappy

to be regularly merely faced with the fact that

"this is the situation, deal with it, you have no say."

I don't feel like a man.

I'm just the breadwinner and nothing else.

As long as this goes on our

relationship is not a happy one for me.

Are you sure you want to help me?

Of course I do! But I would like you to do something as well.

I am doing something! - What?

Whoa! You're going like this? - Yeah, I'm going like this!

Your call. I couldn't care less!

No, it's not difficult for me at all. It's really chill for me.

It's nice to talk.

So, what kind of relationships are you having?

What kind of relationships I have here?

Well, there was this... young man from Berlin.

You had what?

In the sense that I've been with him.

Chatted and... Kissed and... Made out and...

Look, you've got a boil here!

Well ―

Stop it! - But you've got pus coming out.

It's just some kind of... Stop it!

No, I can't look, empty it yourself ―

So don't look, I'm pulling my dress over it.

You're dumb.

I'm dumb? - You're dumb, yeah.

Well, I can't just... I look and there's some pus-filled thing here.

Isn't it painful?

It's inflamed, isn't it? - No.

Suit yourself.

Don't you have something to do elsewhere?

In what sense?

I don't know, go and smoke some tobacco.

No, I want to go to the concert ― - So go.

Are you mad or something? - Yeah.

Why? - You're acting like a jerk.

Oh, because of that, yeah? - Yes! Exactly.

Oh, sorry! I totally... I just noticed it and I ―

Yeah, like a child.

Yeah, the sun really is bright right now.

Oh, the sun is down?

Take care. - You, too.

We get along super nice when not together.

It's interesting.

The moment we go our separate ways

we're the best of friends.

When we're together, we're like some kind of ―

Makes you sick.

We hurt each other,

we've got these problems and all kinds of stuff.

At times I feel like a patient in an asylum.

And I really don't know what Riita thinks

because she says one thing but thinks another.

There's tantra here from dawn till dusk.

Are you're flexing? - No, I'm not flexing...

But, listen, I thought that maybe we

could meet on Monday? Or Sunday or...?

I have to be at work on Monday anyway.

It makes no difference for me

whether I have sex with you tomorrow evening or on Tuesday evening.

Right.

We have been together with Kay for

quite a long time. From the age of 18.

That's more than 30 years ago now.

This opening in our realationship took place

two years ago, I guess.

Oh?

Yeah this thing is pretty new.

But that was Kay's initiative, of course.

I think I would not have started it.

Actually last September was for me a real breakthrough.

A lot of things happened.

For the first time in my life

I had sex with several other men.

Before that was for me something

I don't even know how to say this...

Like something that is unsuitable.

I had the idea of some kind of honesty

or an exclusive partnership.

He told me he has noticed that he feels

like being in a better place now.

Opening oneself, opening himself to another women,

opening his heart.

To be frank, he is now much more alive.

Yeah?

Hello honey. - Hi.

I wanted to say that I'll try sending you a bit more money this month.

You can buy clothes for the kids and such.

Yeah.

I'll try to send you a thousand euros

but I'll see how I'll manage. I'll try.

You do know my thoughts are always with you.

So that everything would be fine.

Yes. I know that and I feel that.

I love you very much.

I love you too. Whether we're far apart or close, we're still...

Only I'd like to touch you more.

Yeah.

Are these already joined over there?

Come on in! - I brought some flowers.

Obviously Kay's physical sexuality level is very open. Right?

Yeah.

Women not used to those kinds of men

will be very frightened, let me put it like that.

He touched your heart. - Yeah.

That is clearly visible.

Yes,

he definitely

touched me, he helped open up spaces in me

that I wasn't even aware of before.

And all the time I felt very much protected.

You actually wanted to feel like a woman! Say it like it is!

You waited for a man.

Maybe Sven felt more like a friend.

Yeah, with Sven we have a very strong friendship.

That is very different.

Ideally it is all combined in one man.

Yes.

Thank you!

This is my gift to you.

A bed warmer!

Thanks!

You're welcome.

Yeah, I just discovered at one point

that love, for example

is in overbundance -

it's not like a glass of water

that is reduced more you share it, quite the opposite.

So we both at times have

so-called relationships with other people.

Love relationships. Intimate relationships.

Oh, come on, people!

Okay. And what's next?!

Nothing.

And who, where, when?

Who, where, when?

This is Marianne from Sänna.

And this is my mother Monica.

Marianne also speaks German.

Oh yeah, super.

Yeah, okay, all good.

Thanks!

Yesterday you were asking

about my relationships.

Marianne is one of my relationships.

Yes? - Yes.

Do you wish to hear more details?

Gooooood damn it!

Stupid people!

And no kids!

I started feeling

a kind of self-pity.

Like what have I actually done? Like that.

As if I had lived my life wrong

I've been thinking that I guess it has been necessary.

It's not like I can rewind the clock. What happened, happened.

Where are your mother and father now?

My biological father is dead.

Mother is... alive.

How old is the Riita who misses being loved?

Eleven. - Eleven? Very good.

You are 11-year old Riita. Enter this image.

You can close your eyes if you want to.

I don't.

Where are you? Who are you with?

The family had actually disintegrated and ―

mom had taken off somewhere already

with her young lover and my little brother.

And she promised to come to my birthday.

But she didn't.

Eleven-year old Riita ― what do you need right now?

A mother.

I feel as if I was left alone.

And I have done everything wrong.

All of my life has been wrong!

When was the last time you heard

someone tell you "I love you"?

And "I am proud of you"?

Never.

Something exciting from here. - Buckwheat cake.

One day you told me over the phone

that this Kay sent you a message and that he is here now and, well ―

I don't even know what he wrote

but I understand he wanted to meet with you.

I did pop by there.

You did go there, yeah?

Well, you know

that you wouldn't like it either if I did something like that.

I have never forbidden you from communicating with someone

but if such problems arise I will do it.

Because I've told you many times: put yourself in my situation.

I guess I would indeed start worrying at some point.

Well, put yourself in my situation and you will understand.

No average man would not discuss it at all.

He would leave and that's that ― he wouldn't discuss a single word.

And yet I talk for a year, for two years ―

I'm not like the average man, right?

He would say one sentence and if that wouldn't help

he would march off and leave everything behind.

Wouldn't send any money or anything ―

And that would be a perfectly decent, normal man, not some jerk.

Yeah, it was a surprise that Kay has to be away next week as well.

I know that he is meeting another woman

with whom he also has a relationship.

For me it is difficult

when I need intimacy or support

and that person is not actually here.

But why don't we take a plunge in the unknown waters and invite Kira over?

I feel relief

when I say I don't want that.

And I have difficulties empathizing with you in this sense.

You can leave that decision to me.

I trust my intuition quite a lot.

Well, yeah, but what are your 'intuition' and your 'motivation'?

My motivation is to open up new opportunities.

To meet people and get to know them.

All kinds of dynamic.

That eventually leads to us

somehow growing or developing as people.

But something I have learned by now

is that it's a package.

Pleasure, joy and pain come only as a package.

You're telling this to me now?

I'm speaking in general.

Yeah, but is this what you're currently trying to tell me?

So anger, pain and joy ―

You're saying: go along with the pain?

Exactly. Since it somewhat...

... comes with joy and pleasure.

And this house was built by my great-great-great-grandfather.

Sometimes I feel like saying

"Okay, I'm off, goodbye.

Enjoy yourself, I'm leaving."

That's the kind of feeling that I had before.

I cannot understand at all what's going on

and in which direction things are moving or not moving.

If I understand correctly,

you'd like to spend more time alone with Kay?

Yes.

Yeah...

But now I'm here too.

Exactly.

Maybe you two have options when I'm not here.

That's kind of the issue.

How to find the format that would suit us all.

Well, we both invited you here.

We discussed for a long time whether it is a good idea or not.

For me it's kind of important

to at least be seen.

And to be respected as Kay's partner too.

Right now I don't really have the energy to do anything.

Although I feel I should. - Should do what?

I should ask if we can make a fire here.

If we can't, we need to figure out

if we can make this room warmer.

For the massage, see.

There's plenty of room.

I went to a psychiatrist

and I was given pills.

Well, that did suppress things, yeah.

That's approximately the second time I have this deeper depression.

We got into a fight with Riita over something really small

and now...

We're no longer in an intimate relationship.

Just like Riita and I. I just don't know who's who.

I see. - Yeah, lengthwise.

It has been ripped apart

purposefully, not something impulsive.

No, I destroyed it quite calmly.

Oh, calmly? - Yeah.

But ―

In the sense that my actions were calm. Why bother?

Maybe I see this relationship differently than Riita.

How do you see this relationship?

Well, I see it in the sense that ―

Riita is only looking for fun.

The moment things get difficult, she leaves.

I felt anger towards Riita.

We had the agreement that we want to have a child

and I strived to make the situation economically suitable.

And then Riita declared she no longer wants a child.

Not only that ―

she went to live with Kaur. Kaur...

is a neighbor.

Is Riita currently at home too?

Yeah.

Shall we invite her over to drink tea? Or... I don't know?

Yes, lets invite her over. Sure. - I'd like to see her too.

Where are you?

Listen, you mind coming over to my room?

Kristina wants to see you.

We are currently at these strips, right?

The question is indeed if these contracts

support freedom or do the opposite ―

More like restrict it. I feel like it's full of fear.

You feel that? - "Can't do this, can't do that.

Must do this. Once a month, twice a month."

Not very free, in my opinion.

If you want a warm room and a nice

life, you must suffer in a relationship.

No! What are you talking about?! - Have to make an effort!

No! See, that again is exactly...

"Suffer in a relationship" ― what are you talking about?!

I said that we must make an effort for the sake of shared goals.

I said that. And it is like that.

People move on in life together. I don't think that's weird.

Yeah, you need to make a bit of an effort but it's not something...

really unpleasant, is it?

I think that's perfectly logical, I don't know.

It is, but if we don't have

the "inspiration" or the "elevation, support and trust",

then it's a huge effort.

Why isn't it there? I don't understand.

Well... we don't have it, right?

I think only the support is missing.

Inspiration is there.

I don't think it's there.

Trust isn't there either? I no longer have trust either

but we did have it, in my opinion.

Well, we didn't have support. But, again, that's my viewpoint ―

But what is this support? In your opinion?

MUNICH, GERMANY

I was just thinking that you might bring flowers.

I'd like to light one for my mother.

Your mother was very worried about me.

She thought about how Sven feels

when these things are going on.

Well, yeah, she was ultra-sensitive ―

She didn't think about what Sven should do but what Sven must feel.

How will Sven cope, how will he survive this.

When I ended up in the hospital in Germany with heart problems,

my opinion changed. My life is important too.

It's not just Marianne and the children ― my life is important, too.

Because if I'm no longer here, they will

not live in Southern Estonia anymore

and everything will collapse and our marriage has been destroyed.

When I'm dead, the marriage is destroyed, right?

One can't think that it's all about the kids, the kids

and Marianne, the relationship ―

I said: "This physical body is failing

but at one point there is a limit and I am the most important."

Sven, that's enough, I think. I grow tired of this talk.

Sven, I want to go to bed.

We have discussed some things so many times that... yeah.

Got you! You little weasel, what are you doing here?

You can't be in here.

Into the box!

Since the cat does not know we are separated

I put our pictures up. Riita and I, together.

Sometimes I just look at how the branches sway in the wind

and feel that ― without any living object in this ―

Yeah?

... in this view. I feel that life moves

all the time and I just sit and enjoy it.

I can't explain it to anyone that sometimes it is all I need.

I have sent applications and I could have gotten a job long ago.

Yeah.

Now, in some sense, all of these seem like the wrong options.

People often do that ― pick a routine,

they choose it and want it themselves.

Yeah. That I can understand perfectly well.

But, see, noticing these paths

is useless if you don't go there.

Well, yeah. - You understand?

But it starts with noticing.

So if I notice them I can choose at one point.

If I don't even notice then ―

So you were just busy noticing?

Not choosing?

I'm thinking about how to choose.

You're thinking, huh?

My concern here is indeed

whether I would trust myself into your hands.

Why would you need to trust yourself into my hands?

Well, simply... as a woman, see.

In that sense.

For me the most annoying is when someone just disappears.

Eventually he texted that he doesn't

want to communicate with you any more?

Probably you replied politely that you understand, something like this?

Something like this. - Very well.

After being such a nice person, open your other side as well.

Yes? Stay in that feeling of anger

I don't know how.

Stay in that feeling of anger. Very good.

Don't climb up there. First, put your two feet on the ground.

Stay in that feeling of anger.

The start of the next sentence, Riita, is:

"What the fuck...".

Continue.

You're entering the feeling of anger. - I don't have any feelings of anger!

Right into that feeling, whatever you have ―

Exactly.

What the fuck? What else will you tell him?

From that same place?

The fuck you're still hanging around for?

Go and humiliate someone else.

So I'm having a conversation with Kay today.

I'll meet with him and tell him about these things.

But he won't come to the manor, right? So the kids would see.

Yes. He won't come, we're meeting ―

No, it's just that ―

You know the kids don't want it.

We're meeting in a neutral place.

Don't tell the kids you and Kay are going to meet.

Yes, I'm going to tell them ―

Some other reason.

The largest part of human pain is useless.

Until life is ruled by subconsciousness,

you're creating your own pain.

POTSDAM, GERMANY

Not that easy for me anymore.

Did you go out yesterday? - Yeah.

So tell me, how was it?

No, I'm not saying anything.

You're not telling?

It's too private.

Okay. But tell me: was it good or was it shit?

No, it was good. Yeah.

Do you feel something else? Jealousy?

Definitely.

But I have never had that feeling very strongly.

Even earlier.

But, yeah,

in principle I know this feeling.

Feels like a waste.

Good morning!

You're already here.

Did you sleep well? - Yeah.

Considering that I have to leave now I slept really well indeed.

It's good to catch a bit of sleep.

Right. Good bye.

Say hi to Beate for me.

And off he goes.

And off he goes.

It was like a fast-paced intensive course.

All those moments together.

Although in reality the meetings weren't that many.

But when we were together it was really intense.

He was the one who opened my eyes in many ways.

And gave me a lot of self-confidence.

To find something inside me

that I had lost or forgotten.

And I felt that I need a male teacher for that.

Who has been studying these topics. And also knows tantric path.

I also got an inner message or guidance

that we need to meet.

I would like to do a meditation together with him.

We really haven't been in contact for a year.

Yeah, I sent him a message on Friday.

And then he responded ―

HALF A YEAR LATER

Welcome, Marianne and Sven, to the workshop

'The Path to Desired Love'!

Pencil... and a bottle of water.

And for you, Marianne. - Yeah, thanks!

Do you want to keep the sheets in your hand?

I'd rather not, actually. - I'll then... I'll keep them here.

I'm helping you and you don't have to worry at all.

And then, Marianne, you can say "I

wish to discuss with you the situation

where I feel disturbed". That is the title for this theme.

I feel very disturbed when...

you're tense...

and withdrawn, you keep to yourself.

I am actually completely alone in that situation.

I feel isolated.

When old issues have not been permanently closed

and those relationships severed, then ―

I'm totally honest with you ― these feelings can never be restored.

I feel hurt when you don't listen to me, when I tell you:

this activity hurts me and the children, don't do it!

We can be without words, I don't...

Just to listen to silence for a bit.

So is that okay for you? To be without words?

Yeah.

I really do value this silence above everything right now.

I wish to be listened to as a man and a husband,

to have my opinion taken into account.

How does it feel when you have that? "Then I will feel..."?

Then I will feel as a real man, your husband.

"So that you would notice..."

So that you would notice how important it is that I am not just

a man who goes to work but that I am the head of the family

and when he says something we listen

to him and take him into consideration.

I want to feel that I am more important

to you than other people, outsiders.

That I am important to you. - The most important.

The most important.

"I would like to feel that I am the most important to you."

Yes, I want like to feel that I am the most important to you.

You said that you want to feel that you are the most important to me.

Yeah.

Well?

Now look up there!

I'm not happy with how I look!

Let's try it one more time.

Trying to be more natural somehow ―

So be natural!

There.

A little further away, that would be better. Wait.

Well, it's ―

Whatever.

What is it with you? Huh?

I'm having all of these thoughts

You're getting those naughty thoughts, yeah?

I won't deny it.

Why should you deny it?

Don't look too much at me.

He is a German, a Baltic German who visits Estonia often.

And our age difference is precisely 12 years and 2 days.

I still consider him to be a great mentor to myself.

But you have been... It shows the past here.

You have bonds from previous lives.

You either were a couple or very close, a brother and a sister.

And something was left unfinished in your previous incarnations.

that's why you had to meet in this life like that.

It's like there's a void in your soul.

You've got a void on the masculine side

and also on the side of your childhood family.

The thing is that, look,

if a man and a woman are sexual partners, for example,

this energy will remain in the aura fields for seven years.

I can reduce this by two or three years

but you have to do this work yourself.

After we have unbound you from each other,

it would be sensible to no longer communicate with each other.

No writing, otherwise you'll restore the connection.

This is now your responsibility.

I'm severing it completely.

Put your hand down.

Bravely onward in your life, bravely onward.

Again!

Yeah! Louder!

Yeah!

Again!

Can we get a full voice or not?

Good!

Good girl.

You did it. You did it!

Thanks! - Thanks!

BERLIN, GERMANY

And I have no plans for Sunday as well.

I've got plans for Monday. - Yeah...

What I will miss most is my own room.

I was so pleased with it. - It was pretty cozy.

Yeah, it was the most beautiful room I've ever had.

Exactly in my style.

But I have to just let go.

I guess other things will come along in life.

Up to you where you want to put it.

Let's rest a bit. - Yeah.

Oh. - Tiresome, yeah.

To a happy new beginning! - Yeah.

Another home.

To peaceful proceedings here! - Yes.

And so you could only deal with the children and with your work

and wouldn't have to deal with any other nonsense.

That you shouldn't have.

Yeah, so I could focus on the important things in life.

Yeah. - Yeah.

Will you go to work tomorrow? - Yes.

I'll take the plane tomorrow.

How does this work?

How do you even start this?

You turn this here. - Oh, like that.

But I really don't know how long it will take them.

Actually we shouldn't have started a relationship.

I was the one tempting ―

I remember it very well; I ran away, you started to ―

I chased after you. Yeah.

And that's when everything went to shit.

Well, yeah. - Exactly, yeah.

I screwed up my health and you did not become happy.

So get a lover then.

Why would I need a lover? I don't even have a man!

I'd like something more...

complete.

But do you still want a child?

Not alone like that!

Today I do, tomorrow I don't. - Egotist.

Oh, an egotist, huh?! If I don't want a child?

Then you need to be sensible.

No, first I want a nice relationship, romance.

But why not ― - Because I've never had it!

Stop lying. - Even with you.

But I think if you know that your friends have ideal men ―

They are not satisfied at times ―

At times nobody is satisfied.

Then you should also be content right

now that you are on a journey, seeking ―

I am content. - the ideal man until you die.

And you'll seek him.

And you won't find him.

But all the time you're feeling good.

What are you programming here?

It's the journey that's important, not this ―

Ah, damn it!

Will you iron them? - Yes!

Well, bye!

Alright. Bye!

Beate and Kay finished their relationship in 2020.

After three more years of open relationship,

Beate now lives in a monogamous partnership.

Kay has a new partner and is still exploring the field of polyamory.

Marianne has moved to a small town in Germany

to share life with her husband Sven.

Their grown-up daughter and son in his late teens

continue living in Estonia.

Riita has not found a steady partner and leads a quiet life.

She has taken up painting as a hobby

and is in the process of putting an end

to her co-dependent personality traits

with the help of a psychologist.

Taavi is looking for his place in life, trying out new religions

from Mormonism to the Russian Orthodox faith.

He hasn't found a new partner yet.