Original subtitles

How's it going?

This job might do better on the unemployment line.

Yeah, but that ran out.

We might as well just go back to the equity showcases. Could you imagine?

Last week I only pulled in eight bucks tips.

Yeah, but it's better than not eating.

Oh, better than not eating. I have an idea. Maybe if we incorporate a more

personal tenure with the guests.

What do you mean?

What do you mean, what do I mean?

With the guests?

You know what I mean.

No.

Come on.

You gotta give it a try.

You think we can make a lot more money that way?

It's a great idea.

I didn't know anyone was in here. I'm really sorry.

Right. Well, you should put up the Do Not Disturb sign on your door, sir. Oh,

that's okay.

So tell me, how are you up in the world?

I've been staying here for a long time.

You're the first thing I've seen under 100 years old.

Thank you, sir.

Actually, I'm an actress by vocation. I'm just doing this to pick up a few

extra dollars.

Oh, really?

Is that all you do?

Pick up a few extra dollars?

What do you mean by that?

Well, you know, a pretty girl like you might, uh... pick up some money, you

know, any number of ways.

Just what did you have in mind?

Well, uh... You are pretty, aren't you?

I think we could work something out.

Really? You need money for acting lessons and whatnot, right?

Well... Yes, I hope so.

I think we can work something out very easily.

Yeah, just, uh, my back.

Here, let's get this, uh, this uniform.

We won't, you know, increase it for, uh, the next room.

I've never had a job like this before.

Oh, this'll be terrific for you.

Have enough money to do what you need.

torture.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Mrs.

Finally.

Oh, yeah.

I'm finally married.

That finally happened.

I don't want to go into that.

It's terrific.

Say, listen, what are you doing later on tonight?

Nothing.

Oh, well, I got a client coming over, a very important client.

Why don't you get a girlfriend and come by and we'll have a little party. What

do you think?

Okay, I have someone in mind. Oh, yeah?

Yeah. I'll tell you what, he'll be here in about an hour.

So why don't you come by about 8, 8 o'clock. Okay, it's a deal.

Okay, very good. I'll see you then. Okay.

I don't know.

We never had this problem before.

Maybe we're just over-anxious.

Because we're married?

I don't know.

Yeah.

Maybe I need more to drink.

Let me go freshen my drink.

Yes, it is. Go on about your business.

Aren't you the groom?

Yeah, married today.

Where's your wife?

Wife? In the bedroom.

Well, then, what are you doing out here?

Having a drink.

There's problems.

Is there anything I can do to help?

Sit down.

See, it's like this.

Uh, we've been going together for about five years now. I'm bawling for about

five years.

Nice. Yeah, but we just got married today and, uh, I can't make it.

I don't know what's wrong.

I think I know how you feel.

Maybe if you pretended she wasn't your wife, uh, it would work out better.

Yeah, maybe.

I mean, that sometimes really works.

Yeah?

You mean I could pretend that... You just pretend that she's somebody else.

And you won't be so nervous about just being married.

Yeah, maybe.

What should I do?

Who can I pretend?

Well, you could pretend she was me or anybody.

Somebody you really like.

If I was your wife, I don't think you'd have any trouble.

Hmm.

You know, maybe you're right.

I know I am.

Maybe since I'm married to her now that...

I don't have any problems.

Oh.

Oh.

There we go.

Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh.

Hi.

Yeah, Marvin here. How you doing?

Hey, listen. Have I got a surprise for you tonight. I got two beauties coming

over.

Your wife is meeting you here tonight?

Well, what time is she coming?

Oh, she's going to the concert first. Well, that's no problem because they're

coming over at 8. So between the time your wife comes over, we'll have

ourselves a nice little party. What do you say?

There's no chance she won't get out till about 11 o'clock.

That gives us three hours.

Oh, terrific. So you be here at 8.

I'll see you then, Smitty.

Okay, bye-bye.

I just ran into a really super guy, one of the guests, and I haven't done so bad

myself. Oh, really?

Anyway, he's planning a party tonight with a friend of his, a real important

client, and he needs another girl.

Are you available?

I can't. I've got to stand in for Susan tonight.

But I have this friend, a really good-looking chick. I think she'd do it,

and I think they'd like her.

Yeah, yeah, I'm pretty sure she'd do it. What time do they want her? Eight o

'clock.

Mary Ellen, that was fantastic.

Mary Ellen?

I mean... I mean, Carol.

Carol. Mary Ellen, I... Carol.

Carol. Fantastic Carol.

Marvin Weinstein? Oh, yes. Come in, come in. Oh, you must be Sally's friend. Hey,

you're a pervert. Somebody's going to love you. I wouldn't mind getting a

little myself.

Okay, let's go into the bedroom. I have some things I want you to try on.

So listen, can I get you a drink or something?

Yeah, I'll have a shot. As a matter of fact, why don't you just go in here and

change your clothes? What size do you wear? Let me see.

I'm a lingerie salesman, you see. I have a lot of nice things there.

Sally's already inside. In fact, Smitty will be here any minute. Yeah, go

inside, introduce yourself, and the party will begin any minute.

Marvin's lingerie.

Yeah, that's what we're supposed to wear to the party later.

Well, goody.

I guess I might as well get undressed.

Are you Sally?

No, I'm Mary Ellen.

Sally couldn't come tonight, so I'm filling in.

You a friend of Marvin?

Yes. You might say that.

I'm a friend of family.

At any rate, we'll have a good time, eh?

Yeah.

Is that an open invitation?

Sure.

To anyone?

Why not?

You play with girls.

Why don't you take them off?

Oh, I'm sorry. I thought this was my suite.

This is your suite.

Hurry up.

Wait a minute.

Hurry up.

We're going to all get it up.

Oh, my God.

Wait. What's the matter? Don't you like girls?

I've really never done it before.

Oh, don't be afraid.

It doesn't take much breath. How do you get your glasses? Right over your head,

huh? Lift up your arms.

Here we go.

Oh, my God.

Wait a minute. I mean, like, you know, like, I just got married the other day.

Really? Yeah.

Well, then you have to learn to be with girls because you might get bored with

your husband.

And if you don't do it with girls, then you just have to do it with boys, so you

might as well do it with girls, right?

Oh, my goodness.

Fresh blood.

Wait. I... I... Don't

fight. Yeah, but I've never gotten into this whole thing. Yeah, but just pretend

I'm your husband.

That's an idea.

No, that's the outside door. Get the door.

Okay.

See ya.

Oh, excuse me. I'm in the suite next door and I'm looking for my wife. And I

thought I overheard her voice over here. Is she here?

Oh. Shh.

It's my husband.

Uh, no. I don't think so. But I'll be glad to come with you and help you find

her. Okay? Sure.

Really terrific to see you again, Smitty. So how is business? How is

everything out there?

Really good, really good. I'm glad to hear that. Hey, listen, about that big

order we discussed, you know, I have the stuff all ready to ship.

Now, are you guys... Yeah, yeah, anything now. Hey, listen, Mark, how

about the broads?

You know, my wife should be here pretty soon. I know. They're just in the back

changing. I don't know what the hell broads do when they go when they... Let

me call them. Hey, girls, what are you doing back there? Come out.

Oh, here they are now.

Hey, I want you to meet... Hi, I'm Mary Ann. Hello.

How do you do?

Well,

let me show you the place, Carol. I'll just leave you two alone to get

acquainted now.

You come here often?

Well, I work here, so... What do you do?

Well, really, I'm an actress, but I'm in between jobs.

An actress.

I should have known.

You look like an actress.

Thank you. What are you doing?

Not much.

Listen, you know, I mean, you're very attractive and everything, but who the

hell are you?

Well, I'm Carol. I'm in the next suite.

Oh. Well, who's that woman out there?

Oh, she's Mary Ellen.

Mary Ellen.

That's a very important client I have out there. Listen, I'm sure she'll be

perfect for him. What happened to the girl that was here?

Sally? Where did she go?

I don't know Sally.

But what about Sharon? She just came in the door before.

Oh, you mean the girl that was in here before? Right, yeah.

Oh, she had to leave. She had to go someplace.

She's not here yet.

I just don't know where she can be.

I've checked the sauna, the pool room.

You checked the ladies' johns.

Where else could she be?

I don't know, but I'm sure we'll find her. She'll come back to you.

Yeah.

I'm just worried, that's all.

Why don't you sit over here?

Yeah.

What can we do?

I'm a married man.

So am I.

Married, I mean.

Oh.

Do

you

mind if I call you Mary Ellen?

Why?

Never mind.

Is your prick gonna get hard?

Big and fat and hard?

Are you gonna fuck me with it?

I'll think about it.

oh oh oh oh

Huh?

Oh.

. .

.

Anyway,

Smitty, about these orders. I have the stuff packed and ready to ship. All I

need is your OK. What do you say? Why aren't you coming to my office? Oh,

Smitty, the office?

Excuse me. Wait a minute. Who are you?

Oh, listen. Don't let me interrupt your party.

I was just passing through. I was bringing a blonde lady into the bedroom

in there. Oh, the blonde lady. That's the one I was telling you about, Smitty.

Carol!

What are you doing here?

What do you mean, some blonde lady?

What do you mean,

some blonde lady?

What do you mean, some blonde lady? Forget the blonde lady. What are you

doing here with this party?

I'm not asking you. I'm asking you what you're doing here with this party.

There's nothing going on with us, really. Oh, yeah, sure. You just forget

about the lingerie bit. Wait a minute.

No hard feelings now.

Oh, no, she's in there. She's waiting for you. Oh, shit, man.

Who are you again?

Hi there. I'm Smitty.

I'm Trixie.

Trixie, huh?

Yeah. What's the getup here?

Hmm? The getup. What are you dressed like this for? You look like an Eskimo.

I'm shy.

Oh, you're shy. Well, do you mind if we at least unshoe you?

Okay.

Okay.

Eat me.

Just ate but shit, I'm hungry again.

Yes.

Mmm.

You're good.

You're really good.

That's your wife. She appreciates you.

Thank you.

Oh.

Greatest come I've ever had in my life.

I'm glad you enjoyed it, Smitty.

Sharon!

So you're a friend of Sally's, are you? Listen, maybe we can look her up at the

job in the showroom. Oh, Smitty, listen, how was it, man? Did I tell you she was

terrific? This girl is something else, man. And look at the body she's got.

You must have loved it.

Now, about that order, I was thinking with an operation of your size, about

$300 would be appropriate.

I have the stuff packed and ready to ship. All I need is your payoff. Marvin,

I don't believe you've met my wife, Sharon.

Oh, your wife? No, how do you... You what?