Original subtitles

[BELL TOLLING]

[GIGGLING]

-Good morning, Mr. Roarke. -Good morning, Lawrence.

[BIRDS CHIRPING]

[♪♪♪♪♪]

[GIGGLING]

Smiles, everyone, smiles.

[TROPICAL MUSIC PLAYING]

LAWRENCE: Ah, such a nice, young couple.

Here for a romantic holiday, I presume?

Mmm, that remains to be seen, Lawrence.

-But they look so happy. -And one of them is.

Mr. Gary Tucker is a very happy man.

His wife Kathleen is another story.

She's here to try to save their marriage.

I don't follow you.

Well, you see, Mrs. Tucker has recently discovered

that her husband...

has a mistress.

-LAWRENCE: A mistress? -Yes.

And he doesn't know he's been found out.

No wonder he looks happy.

-And not that I approve, sir. -Neither does Mrs. Tucker.

Her fantasy is for her husband to make a choice

between his wife and his mistress

before they leave the island.

LAWRENCE: Oh, dear. They're starting

a vacation together, they're not even speaking.

It doesn't bode well, does it, sir?

I'm afraid you're jumping to conclusions, Lawrence.

The lady is Mrs. Joan Mallory, a widow from Coos Bay, Oregon.

The gentleman is Mr. Alan Reynolds,

a widower from Bangor, Maine. They have never seen each other

-before today. -I stand corrected.

There will be no more jumping to conclusions from me.

That's good.

I assume her fantasy is to recapture

her lost, wild youth.

No, Lawrence.

-No? -No.

Her fantasy is to get to know

a suitable gentleman of her own age.

-Object, romance. -Uh-huh.

Then, it is safe to conclude that Mrs. Mallory

and Mr. Reynolds will not be strangers

-for very long? -Yes, but I'm afraid

Mrs. Mallory's problem cannot be solved

with a mere kiss or two.

My dear guests, I am Mr. Roarke, your host.

Welcome to Fantasy Island.

[♪♪♪♪♪]

[SOFT MUSIC PLAYING]

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

Oh, Gary, isn't it beautiful?

You and me alone in a tropical paradise.

Oh, it's been so long.

Kathy, please, I know how long it's been.

I know I've been spending too much time at the office.

Gary, I didn't mean--

I know what you meant, all right,

but making a career work takes time, lots of it,

and I don't want you making me feel guilty about it.

I didn't mean to make you feel guilty, Gary.

Sometimes, well, sometimes, things just come out wrong.

All right, hey, forget it.

You practically kidnapped me for this vacation, so,

let's enjoy it.

What do you say, I check this place out,

make some plans for us while you, you unwind?

You can call the concierge on the house phone.

Well, I know, but I kind of feel like stretching my legs.

See you soon.

May I direct you some place, Mr. Tucker?

No, thank you, Mr. Roarke. I'll find my way around.

Uh, may I?

-Please. -Thank you.

I just hope he's not finding his way around to a phone

to call her.

Why upset yourself by jumping to conclusions, Mrs. Tucker?

Because that's all I seem to do anymore

ever since I found out about them.

When he's not with me, I'm sure he's with her.

And when he's with me, I'm sure he's thinking about her.

What are you willing to risk

to find out the truth?

Anything. Anything.

Well, then, will you and Mr. Tucker be good enough

to join me in the Renaissance Garden

at, uh, noon?

All right.

[SIGHS] Any member of my staff will direct you there.

-Will you excuse me? -Thank you.

Well, Mrs. Mallory, I see your fantasy

is well underway.

I see your fantasy has begun.

What?

-Can you hear me, Mrs. Mallory? -[SHOUTS] What?

-How you doing? -[SIGHS]

Oh, better now that I know I'm not deaf.

[CHUCKLES] Good.

Mr. Roarke, if you have a minute,

I'd like to talk to you about something.

Oh, certainly. Uh, do you mind?

Thank you.

[EXHALES] Now.

I'm starting to have second thoughts

-about my fantasy. -Oh?

Well, back home in Coos Bay, in the middle of a cold drizzle,

coming to a tropical island, and having a--

well, a romance,

it seemed like just what the doctor ordered.

But, well, now that I'm here, I feel...

well... maybe stupid is an understatement.

Is that really how you feel about it?

Huh?

I can't fool you, can I, Mr. Roarke?

[CHUCKLES]

My real problem is it seems too soon.

My husband hasn't been dead that long.

How long has it been?

-Ten years. -Ten years?

-So it wasn't exactly yesterday. -[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Here are the dresses for Mrs. Mallory's perusal, sir.

Excellent, Lawrence, excellent. Uh, Mrs. Mallory,

may I suggest that these, uh, gowns would be

a wonderful addition to your wardrobe,

that is, if you decide to go ahead with your fantasy.

These gowns would be my wardrobe?

Indeed.

Let's go for it, Mr. Roarke.

On with the fantasy.

You look lovely, Mrs. Mallory, lovely.

Thank you.

I-- I don't even feel like me,

-and this is very nice. -Oh, better than nice.

And now, there is someone I'd like to you meet. May I?

Mrs. Joan Mallory, Mr. Alan Reynolds.

-Don't I know you? -Don't I know you? Oh!

[JOAN LAUGHS]

Even if you don't, I'm sure you'll both soon remedy that.

-Will you excuse me? -I'll see you later, Mr. Roarke.

Thank you.

[ALAN SIGHS]

It's a beautiful day.

What do you say we make some memories together?

[ALAN AND JOAN CHUCKLE]

[GARY SIGHS]

-Hi. -Hi.

We're expecting Mr. Roarke.

LAWRENCE: What a nice-looking couple.

MR. ROARKE: Yes.

And, uh, Miss Sinclair, did you extend my invitation?

Yes, sir. In fact, she's on her way now.

-Good. -If you don't mind, sir,

I checked on the lady. Miss Sinclair does not seem

to appear on any of our lists as having put in a request

-for a fantasy. -Yes, Lawrence, I know, I know.

Then why is she here?

Because she is Mr. Tucker's mistress.

The mistress of that Mr. Tucker?

I believe there is only one Mr. Tucker registered with us.

Isn't that so, Lawrence? Hmm.

Ah, Miss Sinclair.

-You must be Mr. Roarke. -Welcome to Fantasy Island.

[EXHALES] Well, thank you for the intriguing invitation.

-You are most welcome. -And do you still promise me

that mysteriously

unforgettable weekend you spoke of?

Absolutely.

It will begin if you come right this way.

Uh, but, sir, don't you think it's a bit crowded over there?

It will be by at least one. Miss Sinclair.

[CHUCKLES]

Mr. Roarke, I love fun and games as much as anyone else,

uh, but I do like to know what game I'm playing.

-What's this about? -A marriage, Miss Sinclair.

Uh, no, more precisely, a triangle,

and the bringing together of the principle players.

[SCOFFS] Well, you sound like you need a social worker

or a stage manager, but not me, Mr. Roarke.

-I mean, where would I fit in? -Unfortunately, in the middle.

Mrs. Kathleen Tucker, I'd like you

-to meet Miss Helen Sinclair. -GARY: Helen?

-Gary? -Helen?

And now, if you'll excuse me, I must work

on the afternoon plane. Uh, Lawrence.

-Uh. -All right, I'll go first.

What is this, some kind of a joke?

Some kind of a rotten, lousy joke?

-She knows. -Of course I know.

What do you think, I'm stupid? You have to be deaf, dumb,

and blind not to know.

It's not what you think, Kathleen.

-Oh? What is it then? -Uh, it's-- it's a mistake.

What, you having a mistress or us all

-ending up here together? -[STUTTERS] I-- I'm sorry.

I-- I'm really sorry...

uh, but I-- I'm leaving.

-Kathleen, I can explain. -I doubt it.

[♪♪♪♪♪]

Ah! Oh! [CHUCKLES]

-ALAN: Very good. -I haven't had so much fun

since-- well, I can't remember.

-ALAN: Aw, it's been too long. -Oh!

Now, what do you want to do?

That is unless I have a stroke within the next five minutes.

Well, I'm happy just being with the most attractive lady

-on the island. -Well, that's a very nice thing

-to say, Alan. -I mean it, Joan.

Tell me, uh, do you think that love at first sight

is just for kids?

Well, I've never really thought about it...

until now.

Well, then, how about giving it your immediate attention?

I've thought about it,

and I definitely don't think the kids have a lock on it.

[ALAN CHUCKLES]

[PANTS]

Well, Mrs. Mallory, you look very jaunty and dashing.

Oh, Mr. Roarke, I'm having such a wonderful time.

I hope to get to the boutique before it closes.

I have to get some new lipstick, and perfume, and--

Listen to me, I'm carrying on like a schoolgirl.

[CHUCKLES] I am glad everything is turning out

as you had planned. Oh!

Uh, there is one thing.

Well, but, I'm sure it will make no difference.

What is that?

Your son and his family have just arrived on the island.

Oh, no.

[SIGHS]

How did they find me?

Well, your son told me that, um, he became worried

when he noticed your suitcases and some of your personal items

were missing. And then, he apparently found

the itinerary for your trip.

Was there some reason you didn't wish your son

to know your whereabouts?

I couldn't very well tell him I was running away

from home to...

you know.

Mother? Mother!

We were so worried about you.

-Oh, Mom, you look terrific! -Thanks.

I-- I'm glad to see you, but I, uh...

-I really must be going. -What's going on here?

Nothing, I'm just having a little holiday.

A holiday, uh-huh? That's it, isn't it?

You think we've been neglecting you at home,

so you decided to teach us a lesson.

Richard, I have no idea what you're talking about.

I've never thought that ever.

And now, I really must be on my way.

Where are you going? We just got here.

Nice seeing you all.

-Mr. Roarke? -Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Mallory,

I'm sorry. I never interfere in family matters.

Uh, well, almost never. Will you excuse me?

Mr. Roarke.

I thought you might need to talk.

How could you do that to me? How could you spring

his mistress on me like that?

It's called confrontational therapy.

It's very difficult to fight an enemy you've never seen.

Oh, and what did I see? Mr. Roarke,

she's not as gorgeous as I expected,

and she's not some 18-year-old nymphet.

Oh, what's wrong with me anyway, if he's so anxious to have her?

It's not necessarily that anything

is wrong with you, Mrs. Tucker.

Some men just like the adventure,

the excitement of someone new.

So the marriage gets stale,

and the romance isn't there anymore.

Oh, who am I kidding? It's over between Gary and me.

You wouldn't be here if you really thought so.

Would you? No, no, no.

No, Mrs. Tucker, you've come to Fantasy Island

to find out if you can save your marriage

when other women might have given up.

Oh, do you think there's still a chance?

The answer to that question is exactly

what your fantasy is all about, isn't it?

Okay. I may not win, but that octopus is gonna know

-she's in for a hell of a fight. -Good girl.

He wants adventure, he wants surprise,

he wants something new? I'll give him something new.

He ain't seen nothing yet.

Thank you.

[JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING]

Well, what'll it be, Joan...

a dance or a stroll on the beach?

How about just being together?

I'll buy that.

You are a beautiful lady, Mrs. Mallory.

And you're a wonderful fella, Mr. Reynolds.

-Hmm. -[CHUCKLES]

How about that night cap?

[TRIBAL MUSIC PLAYING]

[SPECTATORS EXCLAIMING]

You must think I'm a real lowlife, don't you?

I don't take it upon myself to judge people, Mr. Tucker,

but now that you mention it...

Well, I-- I didn't mean to hurt either one of them.

Sadly, there are some situations which do not have within them

the ingredients of success.

They're, uh, they're both terrific.

Kathleen is-- is safe.

Helen is-- is exciting.

I need them both.

Yes, I tried to explain your attitude

-to your wife. -GARY: And?

Men have been trying to expound upon your theory

for thousands of years.

Perhaps you'll have better luck. And if you do, Mr. Tucker...

you'll be a legend in your own time.

Will you excuse me?

[CRICKETS CHIRPING]

This should complete the picture, Madam.

-Oh, Lawrence, it's perfect! -Hmm, very effective.

-Yes. -Please let me know if I can be

of any further service.

Thank you, but now, it's time for me to go to work.

Kathy.

[SIGHS] I've been waiting for you.

Wow.

I thought you'd be packing, or I thought you'd be gone.

I didn't think you'd--

[MOANS]

And where would I go?

I came here to be with my husband,

and I'm going to leave with my husband.

-Listen, about Helen-- -Forget about Helen.

-I want to talk about us. -Whoa!

Now...

I love you,

and I think our marriage is worth saving, don't you?

Of course and I love you too.

I didn't want a divorce, if that's what you thought.

I know you, Gary.

I knew you'd realize how much we meant to each other.

I knew you would make the right choice.

-Choice? -Mm-hmm, between Helen and me.

I know you feel bad about what happened.

I know you do, I can see it in your eyes,

although it was a rotten thing to do.

But if I wasn't there for you, if I let you down,

well, it won't happen again.

So, when's she leaving?

Who?

Who we've been talking about, Helen.

Oh, Helen's not leaving.

Of course, she is, once you tell her

how much your marriage means to you.

Why would I tell her that?

-Why? -Yeah.

Gary,

you just said you didn't want a divorce.

-I don't. -Well?

I don't want a divorce,

but I don't want to stop seeing Helen either.

I thought you understood.

I understood nothing of the kind.

What is it going to be, her or me?

Kathy, baby,

times have changed. Where were you

during the sexual revolution, hmm?

Probably buried under a pile of your laundry.

So what's it gonna be, pal?

I won't choose.

Oh, really?

You won't choose, huh?

Okay, okay.

Then, I'll choose for you.

-Kathy. -Out.

Out!

[GROANS]

Is this the way to our bungalow?

No, it's the way to Mother's bungalow.

[WHISPERS] Alan...

Alan...

I'm not sure.

Not sure about what, Joan?

Your feelings for me?

No, not that.

It's a magic I never thought I'd feel again.

-[SIGHS] -I don't want it to go away.

-Do you? -No.

I feel that magic too.

Then?

Then...

kiss me.

-[KNOCKING ON DOOR] -Mother?

Excuse me, I didn't mean to interrupt.

We just stopped by to tell you

that we love you and need you.

But you obviously don't need us.

[DOOR CLOSING]

INSTRUCTOR: Now, walk it out.

Two, three, four, five.

Seven, and eight. Take a breath.

Exhale, stretch it all the way down.

And now, shake it out.

Bend those knees and slowly round up.

-All right, very good. -Woo!

-[JOAN PANTING] -INSTRUCTOR: Great, now,

I'd like you to come over here, and let's go through

a few more things.

All right, stamp your feet hard. Shake out those shoulders.

Deep breath.

Drop those heads forward...

Here you are. I've been looking all over

for you all morning.

As opposed to avoiding me yesterday, yes?

I wasn't ready to see you yesterday.

Or last night, correct?

Especially last night.

I'm sorry about that.

Why be sorry if that's what you wanted to do?

-Oh, Richard, try to understand. -Oh, I do understand.

Poor mother,

she thinks she's been a burden to her son and his family.

So what does she do? She packs her stuff off

to some fancy resort island, and...

she falls into bed with the first man

that she sees.

That is not what happened.

You've been here one lousy day!

You're my mother.

And you think your mother is the only woman in the world

who doesn't have need for companionship,

and sharing, and love?

We love you.

Oh, grow up, Richard. I haven't done anything wrong.

Maybe not in your eyes,

but what about your granddaughter's?

Did you give a moment's thought to Michelle?

-What about Michelle? -She knows as well as I do that

that was some guy you never saw in your life before yesterday.

She was there last night too, remember?

Oh, Richard.

Hi, how did you get out?

Kathleen threw me out last night.

-What? -Kathleen really put the screws

on me to make a choice between you.

Oh, honey, my nails are wet.

And, uh, when I refused to make that choice,

she made it for me.

[CHUCKLES] She'll come around.

She'll take you back.

Oh, no.

No more sneaking around.

We're out in the open now.

Mine'll be the first face you see in the morning

and the last one at night.

Oh, no.

Gary, you're moving too fast.

Your wife is a lovely woman. I really mean that.

You two have too much time invested together and memories.

Well, it would be a shame.

No, it would be a crime to throw that away.

I always knew you were beautiful, Helen,

but-- but to be honest, I never knew

how really good you are and-- and-- and noble.

Boy, I've really been a bum, and I swear to you

I'm gonna make it up to you.

All these months of making you my back-street woman,

they're over. From now on, it's you and me, kid,

right out there for the whole world to see.

I'm sorry I'm late, Alan.

I was just having a little chat with my son.

Hmm, explaining the facts of life to him?

Oh, he-- he knows them.

I'm afraid it's the fantasies of life he's weak on.

I'm sorry, Joan, I--

I wish last night hadn't have happened, but--

Well, at least now, we can have our brunch

and map our itinerary for the rest of the day.

Oh, I've already ordered for us. I-- I hope you don't mind.

Oh.

Have you ever seen anything so wonderful?

Doesn't that look glorious? [SIGHS]

I've never seen anything like it until just this moment.

Papaya, and guava, and...

-What's this? -Baloney.

This is all baloney, Joan.

You're acting as if we were two strangers.

I'm afraid I'm upset.

What did your son say to you?

Words to the effect...

I should set an example for my granddaughter.

[INHALES] Joan, what we have here

is the beginning of something that's truly lovely.

He doesn't seem to understand that.

I know, Alan, and I agree with you.

But...

from his viewpoint...

he may be right. [BREATHES HEAVILY]

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]

Bartender.

Could you send a drink to that gentleman down there,

the one with the mustache?

Thanks for the drink.

-I'm Matt Vernon. -I'm Kathleen Tucker,

and I've never done anything like that

-in my whole life. -Well, I never would've guessed.

You did it with great finesse and style.

-Are you an American? -Don't I sound like one?

Oh, yes, of course.

I always seem to ask that question whenever I travel.

Hmm.

-Do you travel a lot? -Almost never.

[SIGHS]

Well come on, Kathleen Tucker, I'll make it easy for you.

Let's dance.

All right.

Do you remember, sir,

when the music we listened to had lyrics,

and the dances we did had names?

-Ah, yes, yes. -The Rumba...

the Cha-Cha, the Tango. Such fire, such grace.

Why, Lawrence, a side of you I've never seen before.

Most dashing.

Why, thank you, sir.

Oh, look, there's Mrs. Tucker now.

Apparently, the lady has taken charge

of her own destiny.

-And I say bully for her. -[CLAPPING]

[SLOW JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING]

I know a good girl isn't supposed to come on

the way I did, but you know something?

What's that?

Sometimes, a good girl has got to be a woman.

Terrific, a lady with brains and sex appeal.

What do brains have to do with it?

MR. ROARKE: May I?

-Of course. -Thank you.

-May I? -Oh, I didn't know the fantasy

included a dance with the host.

Are you enjoying your fantasy, Mrs. Tucker?

Well, it didn't turn out exactly like I expected,

but yes, I'm enjoying it.

With strange men you meet at bars?

Why not?

He thinks I'm smart, and he thinks I'm sexy,

two things about me my husband has seemed to have overlooked.

Are you ready

to end your fantasy, Mrs. Tucker?

Uh-oh, something bad's gonna happen, right?

-I knew it, I knew it! -I can only control the present.

The future is up to you.

[SIGHS] Well, I don't seem to have that much to lose,

so I'm gonna stick with it.

-Excuse me. -Of course.

LISA: There you go!

[LAUGHS]

Richard, why don't you come in and join us?

Because I don't want to.

Good answer.

-Is daddy still mad at Grandma? -Shh.

Uh, excuse me, uh, Richard?

Uh, I'm Alan Reynolds,

and I'd like to talk to you about last night,

-about your mother. -Get lost, will you?

ALAN: Listen, I didn't expect this to be easy,

but give me a break, will you?

Look, you may not want to hear me out,

you may not believe me, but I am not in the business

of corrupting lonesome widows.

-What would you call it? -Attraction, admiration,

appreciation for who she is as a woman.

She fell for that line of bull?

That is demeaning to her and not very flattering to you,

and it doesn't say an awful lot for me either.

Frankly, Richard, you can go to hell.

-Did you hear him? -Loud and clear. We all heard.

You-- you know, my apartment's not that big.

So, we'll move.

I like my apartment

and you hate my dog.

We'll all get used to each other.

[SIGHS] Gary, uh, you know, we've never even spent

a whole night together.

I snore.

So do I.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Your hat, Madam, you left it on the table yesterday.

-Oh, Lawrence, come in. -Oh, I don't want to intrude.

Oh, please, intrude.

-Uh, Mr. Tucker. -Lawrence.

Uh, would you like a drink? Uh, play some cards,

watch a little TV?

[STAMMERS] Perhaps I could just help Mr. Tucker.

-Um, unpacking, are you, sir? -Uh, that's right, Lawrence.

Uh, maybe you could hang these pants for me.

Yes, sir.

There doesn't seem to be any room.

Oh, that's another thing, Gary. I'm an absolute clothes horse.

I buy, buy, buy.

Why, I owe every store in town money.

I'm an absolute clothes junkie.

Do you realize that there are clothes

in that closet that still have the price tag on them?

Well, that's why you always look so wonderful.

Gary, would you listen to me?

Would you please listen to what I've been trying

to tell you for the last four hours?

Well... you have your hat,

he has his pants and I'll be taking my leave.

I have heard everything you have said.

What you are trying to warn me about

is all the terrible things about you,

none of which is terrible.

Don't worry so much. Everything is gonna be just fine, baby.

Everything's not going to be fine,

and don't call me baby.

[SIGHS] Read between the lines, Bozo.

Everything's not gonna be fine

because I don't want everything to be fine.

-I don't understand. -Obviously.

Read my lips.

The reason that you and I have had

such a great thing going is because we didn't have

to deal with each other on a daily basis.

[EXHALES] All you think about is what you want.

Well, we don't happen to want the same things.

I don't want a roommate...

and I don't want a husband.

I love my job, I love my apartment,

I love my dog, and I love married men

because they're somebody else's problem.

Helen, what did I do that was so terrible?

You left your wife!

Married men never leave their wives.

MICHELLE: You know Mom and Dad aren't talking to each other.

Mom went to go take her tennis lesson,

and dad went off to mope somewhere.

Your father always did that, take it out in junk food,

eat himself into a coma, and then upchuck all night.

Yeah, I know.

Your boyfriend told him off

and said a lot of nice things about you.

They argued in front of you?

Well, sort of, but it was fun.

Michelle, darling, do you know what all this means?

And don't start out indignantly with,

-"Grandma, I am 12 years old." -Almost 13.

But anyway...

Mom always says that a meaningful relationship

is for two people who are old enough

and-- and who really care about each other

because if you don't care about each other,

sex doesn't mean anything,

and you might as well go bowling.

[CHUCKLES] What does your father say?

Well, mostly, he lets Mom do the talking

about stuff like that.

Michelle, there's one very important thing

happening here, and I want you to be aware of it.

Well, what is it, Grandma?

Whatever you do in life, whatever,

is going to affect people around you and...

you have to be absolutely sure you don't hurt them.

And in some way, even though I didn't mean to,

I have hurt your father.

How?

I'm not quite sure...

but I think it had something to do with the fact

that I behaved in a way that disappointed him.

[SIGHS]

What's the matter?

I sure hope when I'm your age,

I'm not letting other people push me around.

I thought that was just supposed to be when you were a kid.

I am more than astonished. I am absolutely appalled

that you obviously have no idea

about the shamelessly flagrant behavior

that's running rampant on this island of yours.

You no doubt are referring to your wayward mother

and the infamous Mr. Reynolds,

who are fast becoming the scandal of Fantasy Island.

They certainly are, cavorting around the way they are.

Cavorting? By whose sense of morality?

Morality, ha-ha! There, you've said it.

I'll tell you there would have been no mistake

in my mother's mind what morality meant

when my father was alive, you can bet.

Well, then, perhaps it would've been better all around

if she had just jumped into his funeral pyre.

-That's a low blow, Mr. Roarke. -But close to the mark,

-nevertheless. -Now, wait a minute--

So you've become the judge of when grandmothers

can no longer think about romance.

-I didn't say that. -What about your own wife,

Mr. Mallory?

Would you leave my wife out of this?

How can I?

At what age will you decide

to move her into a separate bedroom?

At 60? 62?

Perhaps when you put in for social security,

sixty five.

Yes, that seems to be the universally-accepted age

for some to assume that life is over.

When you make me look at myself like that,

I really don't like what I see.

I had a very nice night.

Thank you.

Good night.

Excuse me?

Okay. [CHUCKLES]

I'm handling this badly.

Hmm. You don't want to invite me in.

[SIGHS] It was something I said?

Something I did?

No.

Huh, well, I like guessing games.

-Let me see, uh-- -Look.

It has nothing to do with you, honest. I...

[CHUCKLES] I-- I just made a mistake.

I thought I could forget my problems

by having an affair with you, but...

I can't.

You-- you see, I really came here

with my husband and just before I met you,

I threw him out. And now, he's off somewhere

with his mistress. And now, I have to figure out

what I have to do with the rest of my life.

So if I went to bed with you, it really wouldn't be any fun.

I'm preoccupied.

Right.

Kathleen, that's too terrible a story to be a lie.

[SCOFFS]

Here.

You need this more than I do.

Good luck.

Thank you.

I know somebody who's going to need this a lot more than me.

[CORK POPS]

♪ The party's over ♪

♪ It's time to call it a day ♪

♪ They burst Your pretty balloon ♪

♪ And taken the moon away ♪

[WHIRLPOOL POWERS DOWN]

[SIGHS]

Shoe.

Thank you.

[KATHLEEN GROANS]

Wet.

Water.

I'm sorry.

You're a very nice lady.

I-- I didn't mean to break up your marriage.

It was his choice. Anyway, it's decided.

Uh, I don't want him.

[CHUCKLES] I'm a professional girlfriend,

not a wife.

Uh, if it had worked out some other way,

I might have been a wife.

But as things are...

I'm the mistress, you're the wife.

Was.

Was a wife.

Come in, everyone.

Food, drink, the party's on the house.

-Wait, wait, what about dinner? -I made reservations.

Excuse me, uh, that's supposed to be my line.

Come in, Alan, join us.

Would you do the honors?

I suppose you're all wondering why I asked you here.

Mother, really, you needn't go on. I--

All those things that I said to you, uh...

I just want to apologize to you for sticking my nose in.

Thank you, Richard.

And I'm sorry too...

that I didn't come right out and say what was on my mind.

You're a grown woman.

You don't have to account to me for everything that you do.

That's wonderful, Richard.

That's all people who love each other should expect.

And you know I love you all.

All.

-Richard. -Thank you.

Your mother's a wonderful woman.

I only hope she'll let me live up to it.

If that's what she wants, I do too.

I'm gonna move out,

get my own place when we get back home.

-It's about time. -What are you talking about?

-You can't do that. -Can't I?

Only if you promise to come over to dinner once a week,

if you want to.

I'll think about it.

Now, listen to me, Kathleen.

I don't love him.

I never loved him.

He was just...

what all married guys are to me...

Something I can count on

that doesn't give me any grief, you know.

No, I don't know.

But I don't love him anymore either.

I used to, a lot.

But he's not the same Gary I married.

He's not nice anymore.

He's not nice to me.

Nope, he's all yours, honey. Congratulations.

Well, I-- I don't see why either one of us

have to take him.

Let's throw him back.

That's good.

-I like that. -[LAUGHS]

I don't want him, and you don't want him.

Let's throw him back!

[BOTH LAUGH]

Hey, how about this? I knew it would work out

once the two of you got to know one another.

Oh, that's funny!

-This is it, huh? -HELEN: Oh, yeah!

One big, happy family, just the three of us.

I saw your son and his family off on the early plane,

Miss Mallory. They said they'd see you at home.

I would have joined them, but I had other plans

-this morning. -It appears you've had

a very successful fantasy.

Oh, more than a fantasy, Mr. Roarke.

A wonderful new reality.

I'm very grateful to you and Alan.

It was my pleasure.

No more so than it was mine, Mr. Roarke.

And for that, I thank you too.

You're very welcome, Mr. Reynolds. Goodbye.

Excuse me, sir, but you never did tell me

what Mr. Reynolds' fantasy was.

Surely you must have guessed, Lawrence.

His fantasy was realized

at the same time as Mrs. Mallory's.

Smashing, sir. Simply smashing.

-Well, Mrs. Tucker-- -Shh.

Oh, I'm terribly sorry.

Thank you, Mr. Roarke, for everything,

for showing me how to make my own choice.

I realize now that's what you were trying

to get me to do all along.

No, when you deal with a, uh, I'm terribly sorry.

When you deal with a thoroughbred,

there is no need to go to the whip.

-A little nudge. -Thank you for using

a velvet glove while you were at it.

Thank you.

Lawrence.

Oh, I hope they have aspirin on the plane.

[♪♪♪♪♪]