Original subtitles

[THEME MUSIC PLAYS]

[PLANE ENGINE REVVING]

[BELL TOLLING]

The plane! The plane!

[WOMEN GIGGLING]

-Good morning, boss. -Good morning, Tattoo.

[♪♪♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪♪♪]

ROARKE: Smiles, everyone. Smiles.

[HAWAIIAN MUSIC PLAYING]

ROARKE: Ah, Mr. Tom Vail, a Wall Street economist

from Montclair, New Jersey.

Sounds very glamorous.

Maybe he's looking for a partner?

No. No, Tattoo, Mr. Vail is here because he wants

to experience the world of old-time burlesque.

Burlesque? You mean like in stripper?

Oh, boss, like I say, maybe he's looking

for a partner.

Burlesque was much more than a strip tease, Tattoo.

It was a spirited variety show with song and dance

and marvelous comedy.

In fact, Mr. Vail's fantasy is to become a comic headliner.

Those other aspects of burlesque

-don't interest him at all. -Anything you say, boss.

Boss, she's a foxy lady.

Foxy? Now, really, Tattoo.

But you may be right in more ways than you can imagine.

What do you mean? What's her fantasy?

That's Mrs. Vanessa Walgren, an amateur sportswoman

who wants very much to become a professional.

She says her fantasy is to win

the first annual Fantasy Island pentathlon

being held here privately this weekend.

That should be easy

since you are judging the competition.

Yes, but while I'm judging the competition,

I'm afraid Mrs. Walgren will be judging me.

In fact, before this weekend is over...

she will appoint herself my judge, my jury...

my executioner.

My dear guests, I am Mr. Roarke, your host.

Welcome to Fantasy Island

[♪♪♪♪♪]

ROARKE: Well, I think our tailor has done an excellent job,

don't you, Tattoo?

TATTOO: I really like it.

It's my kind of outfit. It really makes a statement.

Don't you think it's a little... [CLEARS THROAT] ...loud?

I mean, my fantasy is to make people laugh,

not go blind.

Mr. Vail, you are not going to be performing on Wall Street.

You are going to be performing in a burlesque revival.

You must start thinking of Broadway 1930.

Boss, I think I know what the real problem is.

Yes, so do I. Stage fright.

You know, I've been a fan of burlesque for years.

I've seen all the film clips. I've studied all the routines.

I've imagined what it would be like to be a comic back

then for half my life.

Now, here am I with butterflies in my stomach

-the size of M-X missiles. -Tattoo.

Uh, you know, Mr. Vail, all you lack is self-confidence.

And self-confidence is all... in the head.

In this case, it's all on the head.

This straw hat has been worn by some of the greatest

burlesque comedians of all time.

When you put it on, you'll be able to perform

with the same aplomb they enjoyed.

Oh? Well, if that's true, I guess I'm ready.

Uh... not. Not yet. Not yet.

Tattoo and I will drive you to the revival house.

Oh, you'll be taking the place of someone

who came down with the flu at the last moment.

So, if you'll come with us, Mr. Vail.

[TOM YELPS]

[AUDIENCE LAUGHING AND CHEERING]

[MAN WHISTLING]

Wow! Wow! Wow! Wow!

Never mind that.

Where's the five bucks you owe me?

Don't worry about it. Don't worry.

I got it right here. Happen to have it here.

-I got it right here. -[AUDIENCE JEERING]

[MARTY SCOFFS]

-MAN: Go get him, baby! -What was that all about?

I was just putting the money in my bank.

[DRUM BEATING]

[AUDIENCE CHEERING AND WHISTLING]

You ever need a bookkeeper, give me a call.

I think I'll go make it a profit.

[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

Mr. Roarke, where's the replacement you promised me?

Don't worry, Mr. Howard, he's here.

May I present Mr. Tom Vail.

Well, there's nothing like cutting it close.

-Marty Howard. Come on, let's go, we're on. -TOM: Well, wait a minute!

-What? What? Right now? -Yeah. The suitcase bit.

Come on. We're on!

[♪♪♪♪♪]

[AUDIENCE SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

I'll tell you one thing, pal, I'm smarter than you are.

Smarter than you are.

In fact, I'm so smart, I can tell you

what you're gonna do before you do it.

Want me to prove it? Want me to prove it? I will.

See the suitcase?

[AUDIENCE MURMURING]

MARTY: See this suitcase?

-You see this suitcase? -The hat. The hat.

-[BELL DINGS] -[BOINGS]

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I see it. Yeah. What about it?

Good. Good. Good. Well, I bet you,

I bet you can't pick it up without saying "ouch."

Buddy, you got a bet. Ten bucks.

Ten bucks. You got a bet.

You got a bet. Go to it!

[TOM LAUGHS]

-Ouch! -[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

Oh, please, Michael, give me the strength to do this.

Come in.

Oh, Mr. Roarke, Tattoo, sit down.

Thank you.

Well, Mrs. Walgren, I hope you're prepared

for the competition this weekend.

It's going to be difficult.

I am. But I heard there's going to be no audience,

no spectators. Why?

Well, it's a private competition between the best men

and women in the world.

They are interested in sport, not applause.

[CLICKS TONGUE] Ah. And the five events?

Fencing, martial arts, equestrian dressage, sky diving

and the friend or foe competition.

Well, Mrs. Walgren, are the conditions

of the pentathlon satisfactory to you?

Yes, very. In fact, they're perfect.

Good. Then why don't we talk about the real reason you came

to Fantasy Island.

All right, let's.

That's my husband, Michael.

He came here a month ago to have a fantasy and died.

Michael Walgren, uh, the tennis pro?

Yes, Tattoo. Mr. Walgren's fantasy was to repeat

the famous Kon-Tiki voyage.

I warned him of the dangers of sailing

the high seas on a raft.

You warned him? What did you do to protect him?

The storm that moved in and destroyed

his raft was unpredictable.

We sent out a rescue party immediately, of course,

but it was too late. I am deeply sorry,

-Mrs. Walgren-- -I don't want apologies.

I want answers.

I wish I could give you some, but I'm afraid it's impossible.

-It was a terrible tragedy. -Tragedy?

I think there's a cover up going on.

The police won't investigate, I tried that.

I assure you, you are wrong.

That's all I can say.

[VANESSA SCOFFS]

VANESSA: Well...

[CLICKS TONGUE] ...then what I came here

to do won't be so difficult, after all.

My husband's dead. As far as I'm concerned,

you murdered him and you're going to pay.

[♪♪♪♪♪]

I've put a bounty on your head of a million dollars.

Boss, let me call the police right away.

No. Don't. Don't, Tattoo.

Mrs. Walgren, I know you feel tremendous grief

and anger.

You obviously loved your husband very much...

but if you could just wait until this weekend is over...

The bounty is on.

Very well.

I accept the challenge.

On the condition that if I'm still alive

when the weekend is over...

you promise to give up any further ideas of revenge

and go home.

[CLICKS TONGUE] Agreed.

Thank you.

Will you excuse me.

Tattoo.

[AUDIENCE CHEERING AND APPLAUDING]

[♪♪♪♪♪]

DORALEE: Oh!

It wowed them like always, Junior,

and knocked them right out of their seats.

Yes, but-- what is it, Doralee?

-The body. -Whose body?

This body.

The greatest body that ever sashayed down

the ramp.

You got two more shows this weekend, Doralee,

now you better save your energy.

If you think there's something deficient

with my energy, mister...

then there's something deficient with your eyes.

Does that thing come with batteries?

Hey, you know you had me worried there for a while.

You know that, don't you?

But once you loosen up, you're okay, kid.

I thought you were wonderful. I'm Abby Poutreau.

Uh, Tom. Tom Vail.

Uh, Abby, come on, I'll buy you a drink.

Uh, no, I can't. I'm sorry, I've got plans.

Oh? Okay.

See you later.

You got plans, huh?

I was hoping maybe you'd buy me a drink.

How long will it take you to change?

-[CHUCKLES] Ten minutes. -I'll be waiting.

-Great! -[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

TATTOO: Boss, why don't you let me call the police?

Because I can't, Tattoo.

Then why don't you leave the island?

Because Mrs. Walgren's coming here has placed her

in a very vulnerable position. I can't leave her unprotected.

You're the one who needs the protection.

Well, it's time for the friend or foe competition.

I should be getting out onto the field.

Boss, let me judge the games. I know what I'm doing.

If you go out there, you'll be like a sitting duck.

Don't worry, Tattoo, I'll be very careful.

[TATTOO SIGHS]

Tattoo, please, trust me on this.

We've been friends a long time, haven't we?

Yes, that's why I don't understand

why you're acting this way.

It looks like you have something to hide

about Mr. Walgren's death.

I do.

I do.

[♪♪♪♪♪]

TOM: Although, I'm kind of glad

that you don't undress for a living.

A man who doesn't like strip tease?

Well, now, maybe I'm a little weird,

but I don't know, watching it makes me feel cheap.

And I can't help but feel

that it makes the stripper feel cheap, too.

Um, not that I'm against nudity, mind you.

I mean, give me the right setting

and the right girl--

Hello, how are you? How's it folks? What's new?

I'm great. That's good. Uh-huh. Knock wood.

-Well, well, what do you say? -How you been? Nice day.

-I thought you had plans? -They changed.

Marty, let's go to another table.

No. I like this one.

Janet, this is Tom. Tom, Janet.

-TOM: Hi. -She's a chorus girl too.

Abby, you know, you stand out in that chorus line

like a rose in winter.

Abby, I'm gonna put you in Doralee's place.

You mean you want me to do the strip routine?

Yeah. Yeah. It will mean higher pay, bigger billing.

Think of it, Abby, your name in lights.

She's not interested.

What are you all of a sudden? Her answering service?

Tom's right. I-- I wouldn't mind moving up, Marty,

but I'd just rather do it with my clothes on.

Satisfied?

We'll talk later, Abby.

When somebody wires this guy's jaws shut.

In Marty's somewhat twisted mind,

you're trespassing.

Boss, they are moving to the third position.

Are you all right?

I'm fine, Tattoo. Don't worry. The competition's almost over.

Don't worry, he say... [MUMBLES IN FRENCH]

[♪♪♪♪♪]

Tattoo, three more points for Mrs. Walgren.

Tattoo, I'm afraid I lost track of Mr. Powers.

[♪♪♪♪♪]

-[THUDS] -[HORSE NEIGHING]

Talk to me, boss. I'm worried.

[HORSE NEIGHING]

Get off my island, Mr. Powers.

Now!

Boss? Boss, answer to me.

Give this up, Mrs. Walgren.

[CLICKS]

[THUDS]

Next time you won't be so lucky.

Boss?

[AUDIENCE CHEERING]

[♪♪♪♪♪]

[ABBY SQUEALS]

Why, you ought to be ashamed of yourself.

Why, one of these days your wife is gonna

find out about you.

What do you mean? What do you mean?

I just left the office.

I work late every night supporting that woman.

Well, if you just came from the office,

-where's your shirt. -[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

-[GASPS] I've been robbed. -[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

[♪♪♪♪♪]

Hey, that was fun. And easier than I thought

it would be too.

-ABBY: Hi. -Hi.

-You were great. -Oh, yeah?

Hey, Abby and Vail got plans for later?

-Why don't you ask them? -I'm asking you, Janet.

-[SIGHS] -Want to keep your job?

They're meeting in Tom's bungalow

after the show.

[♪♪♪♪♪]

[AUDIENCE CHEERING]

Stick around after the show.

I need you to help with a little practical joke

-I want to play. -Sure thing, lover.

[HUMS]

-[KNOCKING ON DOOR] -[EXCLAIMS]

Oh, oh, flowers, flowers.

Coming, Abby. Coming.

Ta-da!

[CRICKETS CHIRPING]

Hi.

Thank you. Got your message.

-Wh-- what message? -[GASPS] Champagne, how chic.

How wonderfully illicit. [SQUEALS]

Doralee, uh, somehow

somebody's got their wires crossed. Come on...

Oh, I can fix that.

-I mean, I can straighten-- -No! No! No!

Listen, Doralee! No! Come on! Will you? For heaven’s sake!

No! No! Come on! No! Don't! No! No!

No! No! No! No! Come on! Come on! No! No!

No! No! [LAUGHS] No!

Would you stop! [LAUGHS] No! No!

[TOM MOANING]

TOM: Oh, you're a tiger!

Oh, thanks.

You were great.

Great.

Great?

I was?

[FENCING SWORDS CLANKING]

-MAN: [WHISPERS] Now. -Touch. And match.

Congratulations, Mrs. Walgren.

You win again.

Mrs. Walgren...

excellent match.

Mr. Roarke, I should like a word with you outside. It's...

really most urgent.

Will you excuse me?

Boss?

Join me, please, Mr. Roarke.

To your health.

Exactly why did you really want to see me, Mr. Ducette?

I thought that...

it would have been obvious by now.

Obvious?

The only thing that is obvious...

is that Mrs. Walgren is no match for you.

You are the world's fencing champion

and yet you deliberately let her win.

-Why? -[CRICKETS CHIRPING]

Two hundred years ago it would have meant something

to have been the greatest fencer in the world.

Today it's meaningless.

Soon I will be too old for competition.

I have, uh, hundreds of medals, but no money.

Forgive me, but I want...

I need that million dollar bounty.

And I'm willing to kill you...

to get it.

I am in no mood to play games, Mr. Ducette.

Roarke...

don't run out on me now. It will take all the...

fun...

out of this.

[♪♪♪♪♪]

En garde.

Amort.

To the death.

[♪♪♪♪♪]

[CLANKING]

Kill him, Henri.

Kill him, now.

[BOTH GRUNT]

[HENRI GRUNTS]

[♪♪♪♪♪]

Boss, I'll make sure he leaves the island right away.

Take him away.

Boss, are you okay?

Please... stop this while you still can.

Before it turns on you.

Hurts you.

I've already been hurt.

-I don't have any feelings left. -Oh, I believe you have.

Very deep feelings.

Stop acting like a saint.

You're not a saint, you're just a man.

You bleed, Mr. Roarke.

And if you can bleed... you can also die.

[♪♪♪♪♪]

-MARTY: Rough night? -ABBY: How'd you guess?

Oh, stop thinking about it.

What you need to do is get your mind on the future.

Now, look, the offer I made you yesterday

still stands, Abby. Just say the word, kid.

Say the word, you move right into Doralee's spot.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

Abby, I've been looking all over for you.

What happened to you last night?

I don't like leftovers. Especially Doralee's.

-Look, uh, let me explain-- -ABBY: What's to explain?

I understand perfectly.

You're just like every other headliner.

Everything and everyone is just one big dirty to you.

No, I take that back. You're worse.

Because I believed.

You made me believe that you were different.

-I am different. -Not according to my dictionary.

TOM: No, wait, Abby, wait.

-Come on, let me explain... -Hey, hey, hey, hey!

The lady obviously does not wanna talk to you.

-TOM: Ah, get out of my way. -[MARTY GRUNTS]

-TOM: Come on. -Mr. Vail? Mr. Vail, please.

Please. Like it or not,

Mr. Howard is your employer for the weekend.

If you punch him out, there goes your fantasy.

Come on, Marty, I think maybe I would like to talk

about my future after all.

[♪♪♪♪♪]

[SIGHS] You're right, Mr. Roarke.

I am not gonna let her jeopardize my fantasy.

She and I are history starting right now.

It's your decision, Mr. Vail. Will you excuse us? Tattoo.

-[♪♪♪♪♪] -[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

You were thinking about your husband? Weren't you?

VANESSA: I wanted to come here with him.

But I don't blame myself, Mr. Roarke.

I'm not gonna let you off the hook that easily.

Will revenge bring him back to you?

There wasn't even a body I could bury.

I have to do something.

In that case, may I ask

how many more of these, um, attempts

I'm going to have to face?

Just one.

[INHALES] But I'm gonna make it easy on you.

I'm gonna offer you one more personal challenge.

You'll be able to judge the sky diving event

much better from up there.

Jump with us this afternoon.

With me.

-[♪♪♪♪♪] -[BIRDS CHIRPING]

Mrs. Walgren, you're one hour early.

Yes, I know. I wanna check my chute before the jump.

[SIGHS]

-Are you all right? -It's awfully hot in here.

TATTOO: Mm-hmm.

VANESSA: Oh!

Mrs. Walgren? Mrs. Walgren?

Ah, woman. I'll get you some water.

[♪♪♪♪♪]

[SIZZLING]

VANESSA: Now, let's see him try and open his chute.

[♪♪♪♪♪]

-Mrs. Walgren? -Oh. What happened?

I guess you fainted. Here's your water.

Oh, thank you.

I should have eaten breakfast.

Well, if you don't feel good,

maybe you should call off the jump.

No, I'll feel fine.

Thanks to you.

[♪♪♪♪♪]

TOM: Marty, hold on, pal, I wanna talk to you.

Sorry, pal. Either you tell her to forget the strip...

or I don't do the show.

I could still replace you, pal.

Not with me climbing all over you, you couldn't, pal.

Which is exactly what I intend to do unless you tell Abby

she's back in the line.

Is that so?

[TOM GRUNTS]

[TOM GROANS]

[GROANS]

Hey, Marty, come here a minute, luscious.

Listen to me!

What's this about me being out of the show?

Hey, hey, hey! Don't bend the suit.

You got nothing to worry about.

If Abby doesn't cut it, you go back in.

-Consider it a night off. -And what if Abby does cut it?

Consider yourself gone.

Been a long time coming, Doralee.

Try looking in the mirror sometimes.

Hey, Marty, I got three kids to support.

Get married.

[YELLS]

Oh...

gorgeous.

[♪♪♪♪♪]

Boss... don't make the jump. I've got a bad feeling about it.

I have to see this through to the end, Tattoo.

For Mrs. Walgren's sake as well as mine.

-Thank you. -[BIRDS CHIRPING]

ROARKE: Well, Mrs. Walgren, we're at 9,000 feet.

-Are you ready for your jump? -VANESSA: I'm ready, Mr. Roarke.

[ENGINE REVVING]

Mrs. Walgren...

are you certain you want to go through with this?

See you on the ground, Mr. Roarke.

[WIND WHOOSHING]

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

-Here she comes. -[BIRD CHIRPING]

[BIRD CHIRPING]

[♪♪♪♪♪]

Oh, boss, no.

[♪♪♪♪♪]

[SIGHS]

[♪♪♪♪♪]

-Good jump, boss. -Thank you, Tattoo.

-Let me take this. -Thank you.

It looks like Mrs. Walgren won.

Yes.

Well, Mrs. Walgren, I believe congratulations are in order.

You seem to be indestructible, Mr. Roarke.

Congratulations to you too.

I think this calls for our own private toast, don't you?

Then, uh... it's over?

Not quite.

You see these two glasses?

One of them has been poisoned.

To show you I'm still a good sport,

I'll let you choose.

Which is yours?

[♪♪♪♪♪]

Neither.

The game is over.

All right...

if you won't play, I will.

[♪♪♪♪♪]

-[GLASS SHATTERS] -Let go of me!

Mrs. Walgren, listen to me. Listen to me!

Your husband is alive.

Don't do this to me.

He's alive.

What do you mean?

Michael Walgren only poses as a tennis pro.

His real work is for the government

as an undercover agent.

He used to work for them. He gave it up years ago.

[WHISPERS] No.

[SIGHS] No.

He tried...

but they came back to him.

They needed him for one more assignment.

He was the only one who had the connections

to carry it through. Only it blew up in his face.

He knew he'd have to go into hiding,

perhaps for the rest of his life.

Well, he didn't want that for you.

I don't understand then, why didn't Michael tell me?

If you had known, it would have put you in danger.

Your position could have gotten to you, used you to get to him.

He thought it would be better if everyone...

yes, even you...

thought he was dead.

Why didn't you tell me this before?

I promised Michael never to reveal the fact

that his fantasy here was a sham.

-Mr. Roarke, please don't-- -Also...

I needed time...

to arrange for that.

[♪♪♪♪♪]

Go to him.

VANESSA: Michael? Oh, my-- Michael!

Boss, what's going on? He looks like her husband.

It's a long story, Tattoo.

Fortunately, it has a very happy ending.

[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING AND CHEERING]

[♪♪♪♪♪]

She's doing it!

No!

-[AUDIENCE CHEERING] -[♪♪♪♪♪]

What are you doing out there? Come on, get to it.

-Where's Tom? -Who gives a damn?

Quit stalling and start peeling.

[AUDIENCE JEERING]

Mr. Vail, what's happened?

What's happened? [SCOFFS]

It's an absolute disaster, that's what.

My fantasy was to star in a burlesque show

and I end up locked in a storage room.

But the show isn't over yet, Mr. Vail.

You can still go out there and knock them dead.

What's the use?

Last thing I feel like doing right now

is to make people laugh. I blew it, Mr. Roarke.

I fell in love.

Well, then, why are you moping around down here?

Because she's up there spiting me.

Which is nothing compared to what she's doing to herself.

-Why don't you stop her? -Because it's too late.

When it comes to matters of the heart, Mr. Vail...

it's never too late.

[TOM SIGHS]

-Mr. Vail? Wait! Mr. Vail? -Tattoo, Tattoo.

[AUDIENCE CHEERING AND APPLAUDING]

-Where's Tom? -Forget Tom. He's through.

-[SIGHS] Through? -Yeah. And so will you be

if you don't get that thing off.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

Come on!

-You're fired. -With pleasure.

Come on, Jake, we got a problem.

-What's the matter? -Oh, okay.

A little ad-libbing and then we'll do the act.

Let's go. Let's go. Let's go.

-[GIRLS SQUEALING] -[JANE AND MARTY EXCLAIM]

Beautiful girls. But you know something,

they dress in the room next to mine

and this total joint must be made out of iron.

-You ought to see my knife. -[MARTY LAUGHS]

-You did it. You really did it. -So what if I did?

[SIGHS] Yeah, but you did it for all the wrong reasons.

It just so happens... I love you.

I saw how much you loved me last night.

What you saw last night, sweetheart, was a setup.

-A Marty Howard special. -[MAN LAUGHING]

Excuse me.

...what you can do in drugstore for a hundred dollars.

-[BOTH LAUGH] -[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

[AUDIENCE LAUGHING CONTINUES]

-MAN: That's funny. [LAUGHS] -[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]

Don't get excited, folks. They always do this.

It's better than jogging.

-[DRUM BEATING] -[AUDIENCE GASPING]

[♪♪♪♪♪]

Boy, they really came up with a great finish

for this act.

-You didn't do it! -[AUDIENCE CHEERING]

[♪♪♪♪♪]

Tattoo?

-Don't even think about it. -[MAN WHISTLING]

[♪♪♪♪♪]

Mr. Roarke, I can't find the words to thank you.

I hope you forgive me.

You can thank me by staying safe and well.

Excuse me, but where's Mr. Walgren?

I don't know, Tattoo...

but I'll be with him again by tomorrow morning.

Soon as I get to the mainland,

there'll be someone waiting to take me there.

Well, when all of this is over with I hope you and Mr. Walgren

will come back and spend a real vacation with us.

We will, Mr. Roarke. That's a promise.

-Goodbye, Mr. Roarke. -Goodbye.

-Tattoo. Bye-bye. -Bye-bye.

[♪♪♪♪♪]

Well, Mr. Vail, are you ready to go back to Wall Street?

No, I still have one performance to give.

Not as a headliner, surely?

No. As a fiancé.

We're gonna stop off in Toledo so I can meet her parents.

Congratulations!

Mr. Roarke, I want to thank you.

It was my pleasure, Miss Poutreau.

Does that mean you're not gonna be stripping anymore?

Not really. It just means that I've got

-a smaller audience. -[BOTH CHUCKLE]

[CHUCKLES]

Thank you. Thanks.

-Thank you, Mr. Roarke. -You're very welcome, Mr. Vail.

-Tattoo. -Bye-bye.

-And thanks again. -Yes, sir. Bye.

[♪♪♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪♪♪]