Original subtitles

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

[BELL CLANGING]

The plane. The plane.

[WOMEN CHATTERING]

-Good morning, boss. -Good morning, Tattoo.

[GIRLS CHATTERING]

Smiles, everyone.

Smiles.

[HAWAIIAN MUSIC PLAYING]

TATTOO: Boss, who's that man?

MR. ROARKE: His name is Mr. Fred Simpson.

TATTOO: He looks kind of nervous.

MR. ROARKE: Perhaps, because he's suffering

from a very distressing affliction.

You see, Tattoo,

Mr. Simpson is a kleptomaniac.

A crook?

Boss, are you sure you locked up the safe in the office?

Perhaps, I should explain something to you, Tattoo.

With Mr. Simpson as with all kleptomaniacs,

the urge is to steal is not because

of personal desire or monetary rewards.

It's simply an obsession with them,

a psychological disorder, really.

What's his fantasy?

MR. ROARKE: His fantasy is to be free forever

of this compulsion to steal,

which I suspect will require a great deal

of ingenuity on our part to accomplish.

TATTOO: The pretty lady with Mr. Simpson?

MR. ROARKE: No, no, Tattoo,

the young lady is Emily Carlisle.

She's a courier

from a very high-priced New York jewelry company.

She's come to Fantasy Island to make a delivery.

She was on the plane with a thief?

I thought I just explained that to you, Tattoo.

TATTOO: Boss, that's Loretta, the waitress

who sling hash at the lodge restaurant?

That's right, Tattoo. However, for the next two days,

you will refer to her as Mrs. Loretta Wentworth,

of Wentworth mansion.

But, boss, that's crazy.

Yesterday, she served me a hillbilly hamburger

with onions.

MR. ROARKE: Nevertheless, today, she is Mrs. Wentworth,

an elegant lady of wealth and social position.

TATTOO: I get it, boss.

Her fantasy is to be the opposite of a hash slinger.

MR. ROARKE: Her fantasy, Tattoo,

is to be the fine lady of social status

she believes her daughter Lorraine wants her to be.

But, boss, her daughter will know the truth about her.

No, no, Tattoo.

You see, Mrs. Wentworth and her child

haven't seen each other

since the little girl was given up for adoption

when only nine months old.

Hmm.

My dear guests,

I am Mr. Roarke, your host.

Welcome to Fantasy Island.

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

MR. SIMPSON: It's just so embarrassing, Mr. Roarke.

Even my best friends don't want me around.

TATTOO: You mean you steal from your friends?

I can't help it.

Naturally, when I realize what I've done,

I return the stuff.

If it's valuable, I give them cash too,

double the amount of whatever I stole is worth.

But my friends are getting little tired of my habit

and so am I.

Now, tell me, Mr. Simpson,

just what happens

when this urge to steal overcomes you?

Well, first of all,

I only steal things that are shiny.

Shiny?

Yeah, if I see something shiny,

then I freeze up for a second

and then this boing sound goes around in my head.

Boing sound?

Next thing I know I've stolen something again.

I've tried everything, Mr. Roarke. Nothing works.

You've got to help me.

Well, I can't guarantee you

that I can cure you, Mr. Simpson.

But I will do everything in my power

to help you cure yourself, huh?

-That's all I'm asking. -Very well.

In the meantime,

I will assign Tattoo to stay with you

and shall we say...

keep him out of trouble.

[RELIEVED SIGH]

Oh, and, Mr. Simpson,

my pen, if you please.

MR. SIMPSON: Sorry. I couldn't help myself.

Thank you. Have a nice day.

[SWANS CRYING]

Am I really gonna fool anybody

in this fancy get up, Mr. Roarke?

Well, you look absolutely charming, Mrs. Wentworth,

doesn't she, Tattoo?

Yes, boss, and the dog too.

Well, to tell you the truth,

I prefer animals that walk on their own legs.

Ah, but for the impression that you wish to create,

I assure you the lap dog is most appropriate,

which is what you meant, isn't it, Tattoo?

-Sure, boss, sure. -I thought so.

Well, I just hope

I haven't bitten off more than I can chew.

Why do you say that?

Well, I want more than anything in this world

for Lorraine to be proud of me when she sees me.

And you know yourself, I'm just a plain old country girl.

You may be a country girl, Mrs. Wentworth,

but you are also a lady

who gave up her dream

to become a professional country singer years ago.

Instead, you worked hard your entire life

to give your daughter every social advantage

and a fine education.

And I'm proud I did too.

She's worth every blue plate special

and every tray of beer I've served.

My daughter is a beautiful young lady now.

But I thought you said that you didn't see her.

Oh, Joe and Nancy Ogden,

the couple that adopted Lorraine

sends me a picture of her every year.

-[PHONE RINGS] -Excuse me.

But your daughter

has never seen a photograph of you

even though you sent her money all these years,

supported her?

Well, she accidentally found out a few months ago

that she was adopted

and she kind of wanted to see

what her real mama looked like before she got married.

-I see. -Excuse me, boss.

The steamship is here and your daughter Lorraine

is gonna be here soon.

Oh, she mustn't see me yet.

That will spoil everything.

Go meet them, Tattoo, will you, please?

No problem.

Now.

Well, it seems to me,

that with us planning a fancy wedding

here on Fantasy Island

the least Mr. Roarke can do is to be here when we arrive.

Don't worry, Mrs. Ogden, everything is under control.

Nancy had a rough trip over on the steamer. [CHUCKLES]

Motion sickness, you know.

I'm sorry.

Most likely all that

rich food and champagne day and night.

I was just making sure

you had a good time, my dear.

It was a wonderful. Thank you, Nancy and Joe.

It was like a beautiful four-day party.

[CHUCKLES]

Hey, give me a little credit too.

All that dancing and all that romancing.

Oh, Earl, you know how wonderful you are.

Yeah.

When do I get to see my mother, Tattoo?

Lor-- Mrs. Wentworth is preparing

a wonderful reception in your honor tomorrow.

-Oh, that's wonderful, isn't it? -Great.

In the meantime,

my driver will drive you to your bungalow

and then you can do some sightseeing.

I've got to go now. See you soon.

Excuse me.

I have got business to take care of.

But don't move from here.

Okay?

Fred.

Is this what you call not moving?

If you'll excuse me, I have to powder my nose.

[GASPS]

My dress. My broach.

My God, somebody has stolen my broach.

It's gone. Somebody stole it!

-I've got it. Here it is. -Oh!

You, you stole my broach.

Don't touch me, you pervert.

Don't touch me.

[SOBBING] Don't just sit there. Help me.

This is terrible.

Wow!

I've been lost in smaller places than this, Mr. Roarke.

I'm delighted you're pleased.

Scared to death is what I am.

Do you think I'm gonna be able to pull this thing off,

you know, pretending I'm something I'm not?

With the help of some close friends, Ms. Wentworth.

I am myself will act as your butler, madam.

Oh, boy.

Yes. And may I present your associates.

Ms. Doris Lee, your personal maid.

Mr. Otis McAlister,

butler's assistant and chef.

And Mr. Buford Joe Skogins,

chauffeur and general factotum.

[LORETTA GASPING]

[STUTTERING] Handyman.

LORETTA: Oh, boy, thank you.

-We're in with you all the way. -[ALL LAUGHING]

Mr. Roarke, I hope you know what you're doing

'cause I don't know

if I'm gonna have enough money left over

after bringing Lorraine and all of them over on the boat

to pay you for all this.

I've never heard you perform. Mrs. Wentworth,

I'll consider myself amply paid

if you sing something for me now, will you?

I'd love to Mr. Roarke. But I didn't bring a...

Thanks, Mr. Roarke.

I guess maybe this song will set it off for me.

[STRUMMING CHORDS]

♪ I was born to be country ♪

♪ But my little girl Doesn’t see ♪

♪ She wants me to be Somebody else ♪

♪ But I just want to be me ♪

♪ Everybody's got a dream ♪

♪ But most dreams Don't come true ♪

♪ They all dream The same old way ♪

♪ I must've dreamed Something new ♪

♪ My little girl Just can't see ♪

♪ That I've found my fairyland ♪

♪ All those wishes On all those stars ♪

♪ Can't change who I am ♪

[MUSIC STOPS]

Thank you.

[CLEARS THROAT] I...

I hate to drop a weasel in a chicken yard,

but we're all due back at work for the next shift and...

Oh, I'm gonna go with you.

The party ain't till tomorrow and frankly, Mr. Roarke,

I could really use the money.

I understand.

Let's get out of these clothes

and get to work.

[DOG WHINING]

Hey, look at all this pulchritude.

Yeah, and pretty girls too. [CHUCKLES]

Thank you.

Is this the office?

Yes, I'm Emily Carlisle.

I was wondering when Mrs. Vanderclef is due in.

No, it's just that

I'm carrying something very valuable in my purse

that I'm supposed to deliver to her.

She wants to wear it

to Prince Rudolph's coronation ball

when she returns to Europe.

Can't you at least give me an idea

when you're expecting her?

[SIGHS]

Then I just think I'll drop it off with Mr. Roarke

for safekeeping until she gets here.

Thanks.

[SIGHS]

Look, I've got to check the dinner menu for tonight.

I want you to stay here and don't get in trouble.

Now stay put. I'll be a minute.

-Okay? -Okay.

Why don't you watch what you're doing?

-Did you see that? -Yeah.

The thing is, nobody else did.

Come on.

I may go to the coronation ball myself.

That dumb guy.

My bag... It's gone!

Somebody stole my bag.

Oh, no.

EMILY: I've got to find it.

If I don't, I'll lose my job.

I might even go to prison.

Stay here.

You know, Loretta,

you should have taken the day off.

Tomorrow is so important for you.

I'd split the tips with you.

Oh, thanks, Doris,

but to stay in that big country club

with the house for myself, no way.

Girl, with a house like that wouldn't have to be

by herself very long. You know what I mean?

[GASPS] Ouch. Darn. Darn it.

Oh, honey,

go put something on that right now

and I'll take care of your table.

Thank you.

Come on, Earl.

It's an ordinary cup of coffee.

It's not gonna permanently injure you.

Besides, I think this place is kind of quaint.

EARL: I had plans to a drive off around the island with...

with a little champagne on the beach,

swim in the warm surf and...

And I know all the rest.

Can I help it if you're irresistible

which is more than I can say about this... joint?

Well, my instincts say

that their coffee is out of this world.

Uh-huh.

Oh, Miss.

LORETTA: Menus?

No, thank you.

Just two coffees with cream and sugar.

LORETTA: Oh, that's my little girl.

-Not bad for a hash slinger. -[CHUCKLES]

Earl, you are a snob.

Is that why I love you?

Probably. [CHUCKLES]

-Probably. -Yeah.

Are you all right, Loretta?

You look like you've seen a ghost or something.

Shh, I have.

That's her.

Don't look.

Now, look.

Over at the table by the door, the girl.

Okay.

-That's her, huh? -LORETTA: That's her.

Wow.

She's some kind of pretty.

Who's her?

That's Lorraine, my daughter.

That must be her fiancé.

-Don't look. -Ow!

-I think I busted something. -Oh, I'm sorry.

That's all right.

But we can't let them get a good look

at any of us or they'll recognize us tomorrow.

What are we gonna do?

You go warn Doris and Otis.

God, ain't she pretty?

Loretta would tell me all about it.

All the plans are set.

She told me to come back and talk to you two.

[LAUGHS] Don't look.

-Thank you. -Mmm-hmm.

Thanks.

That little girl of mine is not gonna

marry that wondering-hand Romeo.

I don't care what kind of fancy pedigree he's got.

Cover for me, honey.

I've got something real important to do.

Did anyone see a man carrying a purse?

[ALL LAUGHING]

MR. SIMPSON: Wow.

Beautiful.

Boy, am I in trouble now.

Whoa!

[GROANING] Wait a minute. Wait.

[GRUNTING]

Ahhh!

TATTOO: Boss! Boss!

You mean you stole the purse.

Then someone stole it from you?

Even Ripley wouldn't believe this one.

Well, as I mentioned to Tattoo,

the lady from whom you stole the purse

is a courier.

The necklace inside the purse

was worth... $50,000.

$50,000?

Do you know what that means, Mr. Simpson?

It gets worse.

MR. ROARKE: Oh, indeed, it does.

It means that Ms. Carlisle's employer

has ordered an immediate investigation of the theft.

Pending its results,

he had her placed in jail.

However, in light of your confession,

Ms. Carlisle can now be released

and the real thief will take her place.

-You. -Me?

But, Mr. Roarke,

I saw the guy who really stole the necklace.

You did?

Well, kind of.

I was upside down.

What he's trying to say is he only saw his shoes.

His shoes?

Yeah. I got a hell of a good look at them.

Well, I regret to say this, Mr. Simpson,

but I'll have to notify the island police.

Don't worry. I'll get you out on bail.

MR. ROARKE: Oh, I'm sorry, Tattoo.

But since you've admitted being with Mr. Simpson at the time

the purse and the necklace inside was stolen,

that makes you an accomplice.

Oh, I do hate to see you go to jail too.

But... my hands are tied.

Boss, do I really have to go to jail?

Well, how would you handle it if you were in my place?

Well, I... You know...

You see what I mean?

[DIALING]

Look, I just wanna say

I'm really sorry about this, Tattoo.

[SPEAKING FRENCH]

Thanks.

LORETTA: All I'm asking you is

will you please postpone the wedding,

just give my daughter a little more time

to get to know this Earl What's-His-Name

a little better. And she'll catch on

to what kind of a bum he really is.

What he really is, is a young man

who is heir to the Brookfield oil fortune.

This is the thanks we get for seeing that

Lorraine meets the right young man.

This Earl is not the right young man.

He's a leg grabbing, skirt chaser.

He'd make my daughter' life miserable.

Believe me. I know the type.

I can imagine.

Yeah, but maybe you don't hear too good.

Earl is a rich, young man.

And he's promised to take care of all of us.

Now, it comes out.

Your little bird's leaving its nest.

That cuts off my money supply, don't it?

All you care about is a bigger and a better meal ticket.

[SCOFFS]

We've never given a thought

to our own future. [CHUCKLING]

Oh, quit whining, Joe.

We've got a right to think of ourselves a little.

After all, we adopted Lorraine.

We brought her up,

and we don't need any suggestions

from any outsiders now.

The good Lord made me her mother

and there's nothing anybody can do about it.

All I want is what's best for Lorraine.

What's best for her

is what we think is best for her.

And that's Earl Brookfield the III.

And I'm not gonna let that happen.

We only agreed to this farce because Lorraine wanted it.

Well, you open your mouth

to spoil our chances and me tell you something.

I'll ruin this whole rich lady charade of yours.

And I'll tell Lorraine

what a phony you really are, sweetheart.

Now, get out of here and let us alone,

Mrs. Wentworth.

MR. SIMPSON: Sorry. I just can't help myself.

Well, what do you mean you can't help yourself?

He's a sicky.

Well, what Tattoo means is I'm a kleptomaniac.

Oh, well, I'm sorry.

But do you know

that I'll probably lose my job because of you?

Look, Ms. Carlisle, I didn't mean to get you in trouble.

We're gonna get your necklace back for you

just as soon as we get out of here.

[SCOFFS] In 20 years, I probably won't even care.

No, no, the bails bondsman. He's on his way over here now.

We got a clue.

A clue?

His shoes.

Shoes?

Yeah, the guy that grabbed me and took the necklace away,

I got a look at his shoes.

Now, all I have to do

is find out who was wearing those shoes.

Oh, Fred, you mean you really think

we might get the necklace back?

-Well... -Oh, Fred.

[MOANING]

[CHUCKLES]

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]

Madam Wentworth will be with you shortly.

I've never been so nervous in my life.

Relax, sweetheart. And one thing I'll say for her.

Your mother has taste, a lot of class,

and money, lots of it.

Yeah, hasn't she?

Excellent. Excellent.

You all look absolutely perfect.

I'm the best short order cook

south of the Mason-Dixon, Mr. Roarke.

But I'm lost in the swamp

when it comes to this uptown grub.

All has been prepared for you, McAlister.

Just light the fires under the pots.

And don't burn anything. Now, you two,

just carry the hors d'oeuvres trays from the kitchen

and pass them around.

Don't worry. I'll keep an eye on things.

Better keep an eye on me too, Mr. Roarke.

I feel like Mrs. Esther's pet horse.

You are stunning, Mrs. Wentworth, stunning.

Your daughter should be very proud of you.

Now, go in and meet her.

Mr. Skogins.

You're beautiful.

Mother?

Baby.

Next to the day you were born,

this is the happiest day of my life.

MR. SIMPSON: If I find the shoes, I can find the guy.

[GRUNTING]

This is the life, huh, Vic?

I think the only thing to do is hit the restaurants again.

-Is it okay with you, friend? -Hold it.

There they are.

That's it?

That's it.

Now, the question is

who's gonna be the one who finds out who fits in them?

[GROANING]

[GASPS] Let's go.

We've got to get dressed. We might have a problem.

Do you know who he is?

Yes, he's Mr. Razik.

He's staying at the Lilac Bungalow

with the other man.

Oh, that's probably where they're keeping the necklace.

What do we do now?

I don't know. I better ask the boss.

Don't leave him out of your sight

for one minute.

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]

You should be very happy, Mrs. Wentworth.

I would be if it wasn't for that snake in the grass.

Huh? Which snake is that?

Earl Brookfield the III.

[LAUGHING]

Well, it's not the biggest yacht in the world.

But it's... It's about 106 foot.

My daddy always told me

when you buys something, make sure it's big.

He can't keep his eyes or hands off

of anything that's got a skirt on.

I'm not gonna let my daughter marry into that kind of trouble.

Now, assuming what you're saying is true,

what can you do about it?

I've been thinking about that.

Just give me a few minutes

and then bring her out on the porch. Okay?

Of course, if you are certain you know what you are doing.

Charming party, Mrs. Wentworth.

Oh, Loretta, please.

Loretta, of course.

To our charming, gracious and beautiful hostess.

LORETTA: We haven't had too much of a chance

to get acquainted, have we, Earl?

No, but that can always be, shall we say, remedied.

Just what kind of remedy do you have in mind?

Oh, I was thinking about lesson number one,

the Brookfield technique of

instant and rewarding romance.

[CHATTERING]

You're pretty much of a mystery to everyone, you know,

that is as much a mystery as a woman can be. [CHUCKLES]

Earl, you're a nice young man, but what about Lorraine?

You're getting married.

She's everything you'd want your daughter to be.

She's dear, sweet, innocent

but very, very immature.

-Quit. -LORRAINE: Earl.

You, you...

And you...

I don't ever wanna see either one of you again, ever.

MR. SIMPSON: Sure, we think we know

who stole the necklace.

What we don't have is proof.

Then there's only one logical solution.

You've got to steal the necklace back for me.

What, I have never stole anything

on purpose in my life. I'm afraid to.

[SCOFFS] Then I'll just have to get it back myself.

Now, those two men are in the restaurant.

I saw them go in.

I'll just take my chances that they stay in there

while I'll search their bungalow.

Wait a minute. I'm going with you.

Oh, you don't have to do that.

Look. I got you into this. Remember?

Emily,

look, I've never gone out on a limb

for anyone in my life.

I'm always been too busy, trying to get ahead,

trying to run my business.

Well, now is my chance.

I wanna be your limb.

I'm... starting to have this real special feeling for you.

You are?

Uh-huh.

Oh.

I've been looking for you, Lorraine.

I don't think you got the message.

I don't want anything to do with you.

I know.

And I'll go.

But first, honey, I want you to listen.

Why should I?

Because you deserve to know the truth.

That's why.

I saw that, didn't I?

No.

You saw a mother trying to save her only daughter

from a life of pain.

I had to show you what kind of a man

you were gonna marry.

You see, honey,

I've seen a lot of Earl Brookfield the III's.

Your father was one of them,

without the money or the name.

I made a mistake.

And before you were born, he was long gone

chasing after some other woman.

And... where we lived is mining country

and there were times we didn't have...

food for the table or roof over our head.

And I did the best thing I thought for you.

I gave you up for adoption.

And that's been the saddest mistake

I ever made in my life.

That's all very touching, Mother.

But times aren't nearly so bad for you now, are they?

Oh, you mean these fine clothes and jewels

and big uptown country house?

This is Fantasy Island, baby.

Mr. Roarke set all this up. Ask him.

I only get to wear this finery for the weekend.

[SCOFFS] What are you saying?

I made a mistake.

But I gave up my chance of being somebody

and all the years it takes to be a country singer.

Instead I slung hash

and served beer in every honky-tonk bar

from Houston, Texas, to Tallahassee.

And I sent you the money,

so you would have nice clothes,

a good education and a real shot at life.

Are you saying that you sent the money

and supported me?

All these years, it was you?

Joe and Nancy deserve a lot of credit, honey.

But I served a lifetime of beers

and sent the money to you.

I have a trunk load of canceled checks to prove it.

Joe and Nancy never mentioned your help ever.

I may never forgive them for that.

But they were there every day,

changed my diapers, they wiped my nose.

They raised me.

You understand what I'm saying?

More than you'll ever know, baby.

More than you'll ever know.

Thank you for telling me the truth.

MR. SIMPSON: I know the necklace has got to be in here.

It wasn't in the living room,

so it's got to be in here somewhere.

I'll check these drawers.

Oh, where is it?

Oh, Emily.

Oh, Freddie,

you did it.

We found it.

Oh!

That's what you think. You found nothing but trouble.

EMILY: Uh-oh.

You take care of that one, Fred.

I'll get this one.

[GRUNTING]

That will teach you to steal from me.

Get out of here.

-Go on! -[OBJECTS SHATTERING]

Go on! Get out.

Come here a minute.

-[GRUNTING] -Ow!

The window.

EMILY: Ow!

[GRUNTING]

EMILY: But wait.

[GROANS]

Come on, Emily. Run.

I am. I am running as fast as I can.

Oh.

[GRUNTING]

Come on out of there.

I want that necklace, sweetheart.

Please don't hurt us.

We'll do anything you say.

[EXCLAIMS HAPPILY]

Oh, it worked.

It worked.

Oh, we got the necklace, and we got two of them.

We even got my gun back.

A gun? He was pointing a gun at you?

Oh, my gun, Fred,

the one they stole along with the necklace.

Hey, it's okay.

It's never loaded. See.

[GUNSHOT]

EMILY: Oh.

-Never loaded, huh? -Oh, Fred.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

I wanna thank you, Mr. Roarke,

before I go back to work.

I guess I messed things up good and proper, didn't I?

Placing the happiness of your daughter

ahead of your own

is hardly messing things up, Mrs. Wentworth.

We are very proud of you, Loretta.

I mean, Mrs. Wentworth.

Loretta will do, Tattoo. Thank you both.

Thank you both.

Uh, Mrs. Wentworth...

there is one more thing.

Oh, I almost forgot.

The money for the fantasy, right?

-Wrong. -Quite wrong indeed.

No, I am talking about your future, Mrs. Wentworth.

Your lifelong dream to be a country singing star.

That part of my future is in the past. You know that.

Perhaps, not, Mrs. Wentworth,

perhaps not.

If you'll change into the costume

you'll find in the next room over there,

Tattoo and I will be ready to escort you

in about ten minutes.

-Escort me? -Yes.

-Where? -Into the future,

Mrs. Wentworth.

Into the future.

[DRUM ROLL]

MR. ROARKE: Ladies and gentlemen,

welcome to a very special event.

For tonight is the very first professional appearance

of a very special artist

and I want to especially thank Mr. and Mrs. Joe Ogden

and their lovely daughter Lorraine

for accepting my invitation to attend.

The lady you are about to hear sing up to tonight

has totally devoted her career to her other talents,

such as, unselfishness, cheerfulness...

and love.

Tonight, she begins her new career.

Now, ladies and gentlemen, if you will,

please welcome Ms. Loretta Wentworth.

-[CROWD APPLAUDING] -[MAN WHISTLING]

Sit down, Nancy.

LORETTA: Thank you, Mr. Roarke, and thank you, friends.

One time in my life,

I tried to be something that I wasn't

and I was a real flop.

And I'd like to say tonight

that I'm just me.

So, what you see is what you get.

I'd like to say thank God I'm a country girl.

[APPLAUDING]

[WHISTLING]

[COUNTRY MUSIC STARTS PLAYING]

♪ Well, life in the country Is kinda laid back ♪

♪ Ain't nothing This country girl can't hack ♪

♪ Early to rise Early in the sack ♪

♪ Thank God I'm a country girl ♪

♪ Well, a simple kinda life Never did me no harm ♪

♪ Raisin' a family Workin' on the farm ♪

♪ My days are spent With a country charm ♪

♪ Thank God I'm a country girl ♪

♪ Well, I got fine man And I got an old fiddle ♪

♪ When the sun comes up We got cakes on the griddle ♪

♪ Life ain't nothin' But a funny funny riddle ♪

♪ Thank God I'm a country girl ♪

♪ When the work's all done And the sun sets low ♪

♪ I'll pull out my fiddle And I rise up my bow ♪

♪ The kids are asleep So I keep it kinda low ♪

♪ Thank God I'm a country girl ♪

♪ I'd play "Sally Goodin" All day if I could ♪

♪ But the Lord and my man Wouldn't think it's so good ♪

♪ So I fiddle when I can And I work when I should ♪

♪ Thank God I'm a country girl ♪

♪ Well, I got fine man And I got an old fiddle ♪

♪ When the sun comes up We got cakes on the griddle ♪

♪ Life ain't nothin' But a funny funny riddle ♪

♪ Thank God I'm a country girl ♪

-[MUSIC CONTINUES] -[CLAPPING]

♪ Well, life on the farm Is kinda laid back ♪

♪ Ain't nothing This country girl can't hack ♪

♪ Early to rise Early in the sack ♪

♪ Thank God I'm a country girl ♪

♪ Well, a simple kinda life Never did me no harm ♪

♪ Raisin' a family Workin' on the farm ♪

♪ My days are filled With a country charm ♪

♪ Thank God I'm a country girl ♪

♪ Well, I got fine man And got an old fiddle ♪

♪ When the sun comes up We got cakes on the griddle ♪

♪ Life ain't nothin' But a funny funny riddle ♪

♪ Thank God I'm a country girl ♪

♪ Life ain't nothin' But a funny funny riddle ♪

Whoo!

♪ Thank God I'm a country girl ♪

-[MUSIC ENDS] -[APPLAUSE]

[APPLAUDING]

Oh, Mother, I love you.

I love you too, baby.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Thank you, Mr. Roarke.

You did what I thought nobody could ever do.

Does that mean you're cured?

Why, Tattoo, Mr. Simpson helped

put two dangerous criminals behind bars.

If he was strong enough to do that,

I'm sure he's strong enough to kick his former habit.

Especially since he has

a new habit to worry about now. Me.

Congratulations, Mr. Simpson.

-Goodbye, Mr. Roarke. -Goodbye, Ms. Carlisle.

So long, Tattoo.

Oh...

here's your watch, Tattoo.

Sorry.

Well, it probably just fell off your wrist...

or something.

Boss, where's Loretta? She's late.

How many times

have I recommended the practice of patience

to build up your character, Tattoo?

[HORN HONKING]

Ah, there she is now.

[COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO]

Hey! What do you think, Mr. Roarke?

MR. ROARKE: Exactly the right touch, Mrs. Wentworth.

May your bus be a magic carpet

for a new wonderful career for both you and your daughter.

And you...just gonna put it on the plane?

We're gonna put it

on the big steamer instead, Tattoo.

I don't know what kind of booking agent I'm gonna be

but I'm gonna find out.

MR. ROARKE: You'll do just fine.

With Lorraine, and Otis, and Doris, and Bufford,

how can we miss?

We're heading to the Deep South,

and we're gonna hit every joint from Dallas to Baton Rouge.

Look out, Nashville.

Yeah, watch out, Nashville.

-Here we come. -[MR. ROARKE LAUGHS]

-Bye-bye. Thank you. -Thank you.

-Goodbye, Mrs. Wentworth. -Thank you for everything.

Bye!

[COUNTRY SONG PLAYING]

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]