Original subtitles

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

[BELL TOLLING]

The plane! The plane!

-Good morning, boss. -Good morning, Tattoo.

ROARKE: Let's go.

[♪♪♪♪♪♪]

[LAUGHING]

Smiles, everyone! Smiles!

[POLYNESIAN MUSIC PLAYING]

Boss, those people, are they here for a fantasy?

ROARKE: Indeed they are.

They look like they cannot afford it.

What kind of deal did you make?

First, I will tell you their story,

and then you tell me about the deal I made, all right?

TATTOO: Don't be sore, boss.

Sometimes you're a sucker for sad stories.

Am I?

We shall see.

Senor Manuel Lopez is a farmer.

He owns a small piece of arid land in Durango, Mexico.

The lady is Consuelo, his devoted wife.

The boy is Paco, their son.

He's almost eight.

Last year he was on his deathbed from an infection.

ROARKE: He talked of nothing but a birthday party.

Manuel and Consuelo promised God that if Paco lived,

they would give him a birthday party he would never forget.

Do you have you something to say now, Tattoo?

Yes. Give them the full treatment, first-class.

Unfortunately for the Lopez family,

they are about to be treated,

but in a way that definitely may not be first-class.

TATTOO: Boss, I like her. Who is she?

ROARKE: Miss Nancy Harvester of Toledo, Ohio.

For years, she has been the nurse to her aged uncle, who was an invalid.

And if she knows anything at all about life,

it is only from the pages of the many books

that have been her only companions.

TATTOO: What's her fantasy, boss?

The lady has no fantasy.

She is here for the reading of her uncle's will,

of which I am the executor.

-You mean... -ROARKE: Exactly, Tattoo.

Among the many assets she has inherited,

Miss Nancy Harvester has also been willed a fantasy.

A fantasy she knows nothing about.

That's weird. We never had that before.

My dear guests, I am Mr. Roarke, your host.

Welcome to Fantasy Island.

[♪♪♪♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪♪♪]

[WOMEN GIGGLING]

[EXCLAIMS]

What do they call this place, Mr. Roarke?

Manuel, stop questioning Mr. Roarke. He's tired from the drive.

Well, I'm just asking for a name.

I want to tell my friends where I was.

Mr. Roarke, I was going for a ride. Later, Jose, please.

Dona Dolores, we drove as fast as we could.

May I present your guests, Mr. And Mrs.--

Manuel. Consuelo.

Paquito.

This is her place?

Jose, do you mind taking the pinata into the house?

Certainly, Mr. Roarke.

You brought me here?

What a pleasant surprise, cousin Dolores.

[SCOFFS] Mr. Roarke, will you take us back, please?

Where did he go? Mr. Roarke!

Manuel, my home is your home.

Now stop this nonsense and come inside.

Paquito, take my hand.

If you intend to walk back to the Fantasy Island Hotel,

it is 37 miles that way.

I once had an ox that made it in three days.

You should do at least as well.

[♪♪♪♪♪]

I have avoided that woman for 15 years.

Manuel, God gave us our son back.

We promised him a very special birthday.

Please, just until the party, then we'll go.

What harm?

[♪♪♪♪♪]

Let me see, um...

Ah. "And for my niece, my sole surviving heir,

"in addition to material rewards..."

Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera...

Here. "A fantasy all her own

"to repay my dear and devoted niece

"for the youthful years she sacrificed on my behalf.

"I wish her to laugh and cry and dance till dawn,

"and have an affaire du coeur."

A romantic affair?

-Precisely. -NANCY: No, please! No affair.

Um, I've never had one!

It's just not me. I just couldn't do it.

What is it, Miss Harvester?

Gene. Gene Jefferson.

Oh?

-[LAUGHING] -Hi.

Hi, Gene.

Nancy. Nancy Harvester.

From back home. Maple Street.

Big house with all the barns.

Oh, the girl in the upstairs window.

Old man Harvester's niece. Yeah. Yeah.

Right. Yeah.

[♪♪♪♪♪]

Isn't it great meeting like this?

Yeah, sure, it's a nice coincidence.

See you around.

Oh, Mr. Roarke.

I don't know what to say.

I mean, I never had a sister or a girlfriend

or anybody to talk to about these things.

Oh, there's so much I want to know.

I suggest that now you reconsider

your uncle's kind bequest of a fantasy.

As a matter of fact, I know a certain woman,

a lady of infinite grace and charm.

I could prevail upon her to come to Fantasy Island and act as...

shall we call her, your own personal technical advisor.

Oh, Mr. Roarke. Please, anything.

[♪♪♪♪♪]

Young man, do you like iced tea?

You better say yes. I don't like drinking alone. Come on.

She thinks I'm trash.

She never called you trash.

She doesn't have to say it.

That's the way the rich are.

No! That's the way the poor like you are!

When the well dried out,

you didn't let me write and ask her for a loan

so we could drill a new one.

And then the taxes went up and you wouldn't let me write her then.

Now the bank says we have to bring up our mortgage payments to date.

You want me on my knees to her because she has money.

No!

It's a coincidence that we're here. Ask Mr. Roarke.

My cousin's rich. I don't have a peso.

You're tired of working like a dog. It's true.

I'm a failure, as a father, as...

as a farmer... [SCOFFS]

and lately, as a husband.

What are you doing?

[SIGHS] I'm unpacking.

We'll stay. I...

I just want to change my shirt.

[SIGHS] We paid to give the boy a fantasy.

We might as well get our money's worth

before I drag you back to that rock I call a farm.

MANUEL: What was it Paquito said?

Our place reminds him of a picture he saw of the moon.

It's mine.

Where'd you get that dress?

Dolores had so many that don't fit her anymore.

She said I could take my pick.

You won't find me wearing hand-me-downs.

[♪♪♪♪♪]

TATTOO: Hey, boss.

Where are you going?

Miss Nancy Harvester's fantasy requires immediate and expert assistance.

Okay. I'm ready.

Well, this time the expert must be a woman of specific feminine abilities.

Oh, no. Not her again?

Yes, Tattoo. The situation is...

critical.

[♪♪♪♪♪]

SOLDIER: To the walls of Troy!

[NEIGHING]

[SWORDS CLANKING]

[MEN GRUNTING]

Well,

shall I jump to my feet and embrace you to my bosom?

My dear Helen of Troy,

just seeing you satisfies my appetite for normal pleasures.

Then you can't be very hungry.

How long has it been?

A few hundred years, more or less?

Only that?

It seemed like a thousand.

Do you remember where?

Yes. The empress lent us her house outside Ching-Hwa.

We both have our duties, which is why I am here.

-What? -Yes.

Work?

Yes.

You just snap your fingers whenever you need me

and expect me to come to your aid?

There is a young lady, a Miss Nancy Harvester.

There are great difficulties with her fantasy. My dear Helen,

the child has never lived.

And if we do not help her, she may never know what it is to be a woman.

No experiences at all?

None.

Are there really some left like that?

At least one.

Grant me a wish if I help you?

If it is within my power.

Oh, it is.

Now, take me to your young lady,

and I shall transform her into a brilliantly charming, in-control winner overnight.

Lady Helen, I caution you, please.

Your power can sow havoc.

We don't want to destroy this child.

Flatterer.

Okay, just a touch of class for the young lady.

If you will only remember that your goal is simply

to get her caught up on living.

No more.

Don't you trust me?

[CHUCKLES]

[♪♪♪♪♪]

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

[♪♪♪♪♪]

Mama.

Dona Dolores has a million cows

and ten million chickens.

Come on, now. You have to take a nap.

It's been a long, hard trip.

But I wanted to see the horses.

CONSUELO: Tomorrow.

I like her, Mama. But Papa doesn't.

PACO: Why?

Shh.

You must be very proud.

Oh, yes. He's a fine boy.

Oh, fine is not the word. I never met a child like that.

The intelligence. The questions he threw at me!

How is he being educated?

Where does he go to school? Has he other interests?

He told me he likes music.

Well, now he's here, we shall talk about it.

[♪♪♪♪♪]

ROARKE: Lady Helen, I caution you again,

please, we don't want to destroy this child.

HELEN: My dear Roarke, relax. Be calm.

It's in my hands.

[CLEARS THROAT]

Oh, Mr. Roarke.

Miss Nancy Harvester, Lady Helen...

Trask, your technical advisor.

Um, it won't work.

My dear, if I could get Josephine ready for Napoleon's court,

I can certainly help you.

Mon Dieu! The competition that woman had!

Please don't tease me.

I'd like to forget the whole project.

Oh, please don't be afraid, Miss Harvester.

Miss Trask is the very best in her business.

HELEN: Now, I've brought some clothing for you.

Mr. Roarke has told me your sizes.

And I have enough make-up for the corps de ballet.

Why don't you go in and take a look?

She is sweet.

Yes.

I caution you once more.

Push her too hard

and she may retreat back into that shell for the rest of her life.

Haven't you read your history books about Helen of Troy?

Oh, forgive me. Yes,

the historians describe you as an innocent symbol of purity.

I know, you're gonna throw that damn Trojan war in my face again!

Lady Helen, please, please. Calm yourself.

HELEN: Paris kidnapped me!

Ask Aphrodite! Ask Zeus!

There was nothing I could do about it. I didn't want to be there.

And then that damn Trojan horse, I mean...

What the hell could I do about it? I was totally helpless!

You were. You were.

I won't let your lady down.

Oh, I have no fear of that.

I will be watching you

closely.

Very closely.

[LAUGHS]

[♪♪♪♪♪]

-DOLORES: Two balls or one? -PACO: Two.

[LAUGHS]

You show off.

No, I don't.

Am I having two birthdays?

No, my dear. Oh, no, no, this is just dinner.

Your party is tomorrow, after Elena and Jose's wedding.

Senora, disculpe, my brother's table is too small for our wedding party.

But there is a large old table in the attic.

Of course you may have it, Jose.

DOLORES: But why not have the wedding here?

Gracias, Senora, muchas gracias.

[IN SPANISH] Excuse me.

PACO: Do they live here, too?

They used to.

This is me and my dear husband when we were young.

He was a lovely man from a very fine family.

He died many years ago.

Is that why you have no children?

Paco!

I could never have children, Paquito. That's why I live in this big house alone.

PACO: That lady's dancing.

Oh, I used to dance almost all of the regional dances of Mexico with the best of them.

Right, Manuel?

She was pretty good as a kid.

I am still good.

Let's see.

[GIGGLING] What?

[DOLORES SINGING SPANISH SONG]

Oh, my darling, I'm so pleased you are here.

[GASPS] Oh, Paquito.

Paquito, are you happy to be here with me?

PACO: Oh, yes, Dona Dolores.

I wish I could live with you forever.

Oh, my darling!

I would like nothing better, Paquito! Nothing better.

[DOLORES SOBBING] Oh!

[DOLORES] My wonderful little Paquito.

[DISCO MUSIC PLAYING]

I feel naked.

You look ravishing!

I guess this is one of those times you'd say...

Oh, here goes everything!

Come on!

You'll do just fine!

At what? Who are we kidding? I can't even dance.

Listen to me.

On second thought, what's wrong with a nice, quiet, single person

now that they've developed microwaves.

This is one of those occasions when you say, "One more time."

Now concentrate.

Love is exciting.

And sex comes with love.

The world can be crashing around you, but you remain playmates.

Try to suggest forbidden sinfulness even when you eat.

HELEN: Males are mischievous.

You show me a great man and I'll show you a fine boy grown up.

[SIGHS]

Now, do you have it?

I have it, Helen.

[ALL LAUGHING]

[SPANISH MUSIC PLAYS]

I'm telling you. We had better get out of here.

No. Paco must have his birthday party.

Consuelo, she looks at our son like a vulture looks at a lamb.

What do you think she can do, steal him?

I don't know what she can do.

She's rich. The rich can do anything.

You see, Paquito, the bride is getting presents to help her become a good housewife.

A sewing machine.

Suppose she can't sew.

Jorge's sister can't sew.

How old is she?

Six. Yeah.

Well, I'm sure she will learn.

They will be a happy family.

Don't you need a baby to be a family?

Indeed, Paquito.

The child is the most important part of any family.

Yeah.

Excuse me.

My dear Lady Helen, I will assist you in any way I can

except that I will not give you permission

to possess the body of Nancy Harvester.

I simply cannot countenance that.

Roarke, don't handcuff me or I warn you,

for the first time in my existence I shall fail.

Oh, I beg your pardon. You also failed with Marie Antoinette.

You never did get your facts straight on that one.

Marie Antoinette would still have her head if she'd only listened to me.

Now, Roarke, give me the tools I need to work with,

or let me out of it!

The fantasy has already begun.

You cannot quit. You know that.

HELEN: Roarke, please!

I'll even give you back the wish you promised to grant me.

HELEN: All I want are a few opportunities

to guide her through the steps!

Like a mother would put her child's feet on hers.

Give her some confidence.

Show her how to take one step at a time.

Lady Helen.

My sweet

friend and associate.

Given Nancy Harvester's body for one moment,

I would never get you out.

You know that, I know that.

You will live a lifetime in her form

while incidentally cutting a swath of sexual devastation completely across the world.

Would it really be so bad to have me around all the time?

On the contrary.

But that particular young lady is fully entitled to experience

every single moment of her life completely unfettered.

You do agree with me, don't you?

The trouble is I've gotten to like her.

She's so eager, so hungry to live,

and life is just waiting out there to punch her right in the mouth.

[♪♪♪♪♪]

-Manuel. -Can I help in any way?

There's been a flood.

[SIGHS] Most of our land is under water.

The livestock is in danger. The house is damaged.

I must go back.

Oh, of course.

I'll drive you both to the Fantasy Island plane.

There is a late flight.

The two of you can leave right after Paco's party.

The two of us?

What do you mean, the two of us?

When we came here, I counted three of us.

I assumed you would leave the boy here.

Oh, Manuel, listen to me.

I want you to understand where my heart is.

I want Paquito to stay here with me,

for his sake as well as mine.

DOLORES: It is a perfectly natural arrangement.

What is so natural, Senora, about separating a boy from his family?

You said it yourself, your hands are going to be full

with that rock you're trying to farm.

And now it is under water.

Don't feel sorry for us!

We've had floods before.

We've lost our crops before.

That's our way of life.

Listen to me, both of you. I want to give him security,

provide for his every need.

He will be my legal heir!

Manuel,

maybe she's right.

Why must it be Paco's way, too?

He deserves better.

She's turned your head!

He just started to get better.

It's the only practical thing to do.

CONSUELO: When we get back on our feet again, we'll send for him.

Consuelo.

The child can only belong to one family, not to two.

You're both young and strong and will have many children.

I want Paquito as my own son.

I know he will learn to love me, too, when I have him to myself.

DOLORES: You'll be compensated.

DOLORES: I own other property back on the mainland,

including a large, successful working ranch.

You mean we may never see him again, never?

You can't sell me!

I won't let you! I won't!

-MANUEL: Paquito! Wait, Paquito! -CONSUELO: Paco.

[♪♪♪♪♪]

I can still hear them laughing at me at the disco.

All you need is one positive, successful experience.

And you'll have it tonight. You will!

The problem is, I'm not you.

Would that help?

Would you like to be me for a little while?

Oh, Helen, if I could be you with him, just this once,

from then on I'd be fine. I know I would be.

Mr. Roarke refused me permission to do it.

But we women must stick together!

After all, it's our world, too!

You mean...

I... You and I would be together?

As all women are one, we are all women.

United for this one night only.

One heart. One soul. One being.

How about that?

Who are you?

[LAUGHING]

Go wash your face. Your make-up's smeared.

Oh, Nancy.

When you come out, you're going to be the new Nancy.

You're going to be oozing confidence.

That little body of yours might be a bit crowded with the both of us in there,

but I promise you, we're going to have a wonderful time.

[♪♪♪♪♪]

ROARKE: Paquito. Paquito.

I guess...

I'm in trouble for running away.

Just a little bit.

ROARKE: But a man has a right to think things over,

live his own life.

Sit here, Paquito.

Tell me something. Don't you like it here?

Oh, yes, I love it.

I'd rather be here than anywhere else in the world.

Well, then why are you running away. This could be your new home.

Without my Mama and Papa?

You just said that you'd rather be here than anywhere else in the world.

But Senor Roarke, if my Mama and Papa don't have me, they're not a family.

And they'll be sad and lonely, like Dona Dolores.

Don't you feel sorry for her, Paco?

Oh, she's a very nice lady.

But she's not my mother.

[DISCO MUSIC PLAYING]

What do you say you and me...

boogie.

You've got the right idea, but the wrong chick.

Whoa!

Just in time!

Just in time?

I know, I know, you forgot our date.

I'm crushed, and I'm devastated, but I forgive you.

You're here, one night late, but you are here.

[EXHALES] You certainly are here.

Oh, we had a date, did we?

Did we have a date? Look at me.

I showered. I shaved. I even put on clean socks. Where have you been?

Aren't we going to dance?

Nancy Harvester, girl in the upstairs window,

you and I have a lot to talk about.

[♪♪♪♪♪]

I'm sorry to scare everybody.

But Senor Roarke said, "A man has to think things over."

Tomorrow you will have a birthday party you will never forget.

And afterwards, you will go home with your parents.

Thank you for having me.

You're so welcome.

PACO: Dona Dolores?

Yes, Paquito.

I'm sorry that you have to be alone.

[♪♪♪♪♪]

GENE: I don't know what it is. You're so different.

Nancy Harvester, you are the most marvelous,

incredibly sensuous...

Turn-on?

GENE: Experience.

I had no idea it was humanly possible for any woman to do to me...

Shut up!

GENE: I've got to tell you,

you are absolutely not real.

Senora Lopez, when you wrote to me that in addition

to giving your son a birthday party at a fine hacienda,

you also had another fantasy.

I warned you that the second one might fail.

All I hoped for was that his cousin might help us

get back on our feet once and for all.

You knew that your husband had avoided her for years.

Yes, but I didn't know he hated her.

Oh, he doesn't hate her.

He's simply frustrated and embarrassed by his poverty.

He's desperate to hang onto every last vestige of his pride,

to honor his role as husband and father.

Vanity!

I beg your pardon?

[CHUCKLES] That's what it is.

I didn't realize he was vain.

Oh?

Well, perhaps you are right.

But even though you are a very lovely woman, Senora,

do you not sometimes worry that you might be less desirable to him?

Hm?

Well, he's only a man who is afraid of being less of a man in your eyes.

You see, a certain amount of vanity plays a role in all our lives.

Take it away from him,

and you may destroy him.

[♪♪♪♪♪]

Damn it, Nancy, I'd love to take you home to my folks and walk right in and say,

"Here, Mom and Pop, here's Nancy Harvester!"

Okay.

Sure, that's what I'd like to do.

Well, let's do it.

Nancy, my dad owns the tool and die factory,

half of downtown,

and he owns me.

He's a great one for social structure, family tradition,

and that stuff.

And you're a great one for sticking close to the family money, right?

Now, wait a minute.

Forget it!

How long have you been standing here?

Not long.

Oh?

You thought had I disobeyed your orders and possessed her body, didn't you?

HELEN: Don't answer.

She has been on her own from the moment she left the bungalow.

I simply suggested that I would be along,

the way a mother sends her child to school for the first time.

Oh, hi, Mr. Roarke, Helen.

Forgive us for disturbing you, Miss Harvester.

GENE: Nancy!

Miss Harvester, I am terribly sorry that your fantasy turned out badly.

It's my fault. I urged you to accept it.

Badly?

Oh, no, Mr. Roarke.

My uncle wanted me to catch up on life quickly.

And the Gene Jeffersons of this world are a big part of it.

You will do very well in life.

Now that I've learned how to begin living, I will.

Thank you, Helen, Thank you, Mr. Roarke.

Helen, were you with me?

I mean, like, the whole time?

Do you mean, did she possess you before?

-Well-- -Miss Harvester, I assure you

there is a bit of Helen Trask in every woman...

GENE: Nancy!

Please, young man...

Please, Mr. Roarke, I know how I acted.

But I was walking away and suddenly I asked myself,

"Why are you walking away from her?"

-Nancy, would you talk to me? -I'm busy.

Mr. Roarke, would you ask her to talk to me, please?

Well?

In front of them?

Are you ashamed of what you have to say?

No, I am not.

Nancy, I'm crazy about you.

GENE: I was always crazy about you.

Suddenly, I'm walking away from you.

Again! Like I did back home.

Is that what you came back to say to me?

I love you.

That's what I came back to say.

What do you think?

Well, he, uh...

seems sincere.

Don't you think so, Helen?

The relationship has its possibilities.

Yes.

Let's talk.

Oh, my dear Lady Helen, I have never doubted that

behind your abundance of guile and self-interest

lies the honor of a noble woman.

[♪♪♪♪♪]

ROARKE: Happy birthday, Paquito!

Also in that pile are some presents

from people you've met since you arrived at Fantasy Island.

Ooh!

And Dona Dolores and I have an extra special surprise for you.

Is it something to eat?

You better not try!

Why don't you open this door, Paco, and find out.

PACO: A pony! Mine?

Happy birthday, Paquito!

If I was staying, everybody could have a ride!

Ladies and gentlemen, Dona Dolores has something to say to you.

My friends, you all know how difficult it has been for me

to run this large ranch since my husband's death.

My dear cousin Manuel has graciously consented

to move over here to the hacienda

and take over the running of my property

which in the end will be his property.

So he might as well start sweating over it!

[ALL CLAPPING]

[KIDS CHEERING]

Oh!

Of all the happiness to behold, my dear friends,

that is perhaps the most joyful.

[♪♪♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪♪♪]

It's so lovely here.

It reminds me of the gardens of Troy before the siege.

It's time to go.

Oh, no. Not yet. You granted me a wish.

Oh.

Indeed I did.

That's right.

And you deserve it. What shall it be?

The same wish it always was.

To be with you. To be yours forever.

My dear, you are femininity perfected.

ROARKE: Oh, if it could only be.

But we both know no man will ever possess Helen of Troy,

not even I.

That is why you have remained as you are throughout the ages,

belonging to all men

and all women.

You are indeed

timeless.

You will need me again, my dear.

And I shall be ready.

[LAUGHING]

[POLYNESIAN MUSIC PLAYS]

What can I say, Senor?

Your faces say it for all of you, Senor Lopez.

Now you go on back to Durango

and sell that place of yours as soon as possible.

I don't want your wife and child crying all over me out of loneliness.

DOLORES: There has been enough of that in our family.

Take care of Mama.

-Thanks again. -You're welcome, Senor Lopez.

Tattoo.

Tattoo, Mr. Roarke, would you come and visit us?

Of course they will. Come on.

Boss, that family got a good deal.

Well, I simply took your advice, Tattoo.

Well, you did say to give them a first-class treatment.

Did you not?

Miss Harvester, you look enchanting.

Suddenly I'm starting to believe it.

And you, Mr. Jefferson, look like you are your own man at last.

Nancy makes me feel like I've never felt before. It's magic.

It was thanks to you, Mr. Roarke, and to Helen Trask.

Who was she really?

Enjoy much happiness, Miss Harvester, Mr. Jefferson.

Oh, we will.

I'm down from that second-story window for good.

I'm delighted.

-Good-bye. -Bye-bye.

Good-bye, Mr. Jefferson.

-Good-bye. -Good-bye.

-Boss? -Yes?

Can you fix me up with her?

Miss Harvester?

No. Helen of Troy.

Oh, you're asking a great deal, Tattoo.

Helen of Troy is a lot of woman to handle.

Perhaps later.

TATTOO: Okay, I can wait.

How much later?

Oh, give me a reminder, say, two or three hundred years from now.

[♪♪♪♪♪]