Original subtitles

The plane! The plane!

Good grief!

Boss, it's time to play "You Bet my Face."

Have to guess-- who am I?

Um, Humphrey Bogart.

Oh, boss, stop kidding around.

I worked months

on my impression of Groucho Marx.

You know, for the big amateur show.

Now, don't you think it's too much, huh?

Definitely.

Shall we greet our guests?

Smiles, everyone, smiles.

( Hawaiian music playing )

Boss, look.

It's Danny Baker, the famous comedian.

He breaks me up.

As a matter of fact, Mr. Baker is here for a holiday,

and also to be the master of ceremonies

for the big Fantasy Island Amateur Night show.

Does he have a fantasy?

No, but that young man with him does.

He is Mr. Jerry Burton,

and for the past eight years,

he's been Mr. Baker's writer.

Wow, what a terrific job.

Perhaps, but it's a long way from

the excitement and warmth of the spotlight.

Mr. Burton wants to step out of oblivion

and into the center of the stage,

where he can fulfill his fantasy to be

what his employer is, a star comic.

Boss, I don't think even you can help him.

Mr. Burton looks like a king-sized nothing.

Miss Linda Larson.

She look like a lady

who can handle her own fantasy.

Does she even need us?

She didn't come for herself, Tattoo.

She's here to help her sister Sandy.

Sandy was well on her way to become a top fashion model

until she was injured in an automobile accident

five years ago.

That's very sad.

Yes, it is, Tattoo.

Her desire to live seemed paralyzed,

along with her legs,

until a year ago,

when she began a pen-pal relationship

with a man in prison.

His letters seemed to fill her with happiness

and a desire to live and get well.

What did the letters say?

She never shared the contents, Tattoo.

She never told her pen pal she was crippled.

Then, three months ago,

his letters stopped coming for some reason,

and she's been depressed ever since.

And that's why her sister brought her here,

to cheer her up?

Much more than that, Tattoo.

Sandy doesn't know it yet,

but she's here to finally meet

her pen pal, Mr. Michael Banning.

But boss, you said he was in prison.

Unfortunately, yes, maximum security,

and at this moment, he is being flown

from a military prison in Japan

to Leavenworth Prison in Kansas.

But boss, how are you gonna bring them together?

My dear guests, I am Mr. Roarke, your host.

Welcome to Fantasy Island!

MR. ROARKE: And this is where we'll hold

the amateur night show, Mr. Baker.

I think you'll find our stage rather well-equipped.

Yeah, everything looks okay,

but I'm gonna fix it up a little. You don't mind?

Put some more speakers in the back of the house.

I want to make sure they hear me.

And get some lights up front. Look how dark it is.

What's this schmachte hanging here?

It's gonna block about four tables.

TATTOO: Let's hear it

for another great impression

from the wonderful Tattoo.

Good evening, music lovers.

Tonight, I would like to play for you.

For my first selection,

one of my all-time favorites,

the "Beer Barrel Polka."

Hey, that's great.

Put a couple of lines

about the shrimp in my act, huh?

See you later. Bye, Roarke.

Eh, Tattoo.

Tattoo!

Yes, boss.

I think that is sufficient.

Thank you so much.

It needs a lot of work, huh?

Um, well...

Uh, Mr. Burton, why don't you have a seat.

Oh, thanks.

Donny Baker relies heavily on you,

doesn't he?

But I must say, he didn't seem unappreciative,

no, no, really, despite his abrupt behavior.

Are you sure you want to quit your job

and become a stand-up comedian yourself?

Surer than ever, Mr. Roarke.

You see, Danny's planning to fire me next month

when my contract runs out.

Why should he want to fire you after,

what is it now, eight years--

eight successful years together?

Maybe because Danny's a comic,

and comics always resent their writers.

You see, they think it's them that's funny, not the material.

Whatever the reason, my time's running out,

and I need that fantasy quick.

I see. Now, would tomorrow night

be quick enough for you?

Tomorrow night?

You got me a date that quick?

Oh, that's great, Mr. Roarke!

Yes, your first engagement as a stand-up comedian.

Yes, uh...

I've arranged for you to be the opening act

at a small nightclub on the north side of the island.

It's a bar, actually...

called The Bucket of Suds.

Its clientele consists mostly of workers

from the pineapple plantation

and off-duty sailors.

Heavy drinkers, but good laughers.

Mr. Roarke, I'll take it,

and you don't know how grateful I am.

Fine. Then I'll tell them to expect you, huh?

Great.

Oh, uh, if you'll excuse me,

I got about nine pounds of jokes to write for Danny.

At least I can leave him laughing, hmm?

Thank you.

Mr. Roarke, your island

is the most beautiful place I've ever seen.

I am delighted.

Okay, now do I find out

why you brought me here, Linda?

Well, to cheer you up.

We're quite good at it, if you'll give us the chance.

I'm sure you do, Mr. Roarke.

I just wish I could cheer up,

but I keep thinking of all the things I can't do anymore.

Your sister's morale does seem very low, Miss Larson.

I told you, Mr. Roarke, she's been like that

since Mike Banning's letters stopped coming.

I don't mind telling you I'm very skeptical.

I mean, how can you possibly get Mike Banning

out of prison and on this island?

You must have faith, Miss Larson.

This is Fantasy Island.

Mayday, mayday! Pilot to tower!

This is Air Force zebra-whiskey-zulu 2515.

What's going on? What's happening?

Lost oil pressure in the starboard engine.

Fuel pump's gone on the port side.

Gonna have to set her down in the ocean.

If I'm gonna crash, get me out of these.

Mayday, mayday!

This is Air Force zebra-whiskey-zulu 2515,

calling anyone-- can you read us?

Pilot to tower-- mayday, mayday.

Air Force zebra- whiskey-zulu 2515,

this is Fantasy Island.

You are approximately 40 miles northwest of us

on a bearing of 320 degrees.

We have an emergency landing strip

on the south end of the island.

Please alter your heading to 1-6-0.

I repeat, 1-6-0.

TOWER: Air Force zebra-whiskey-zulu 2515,

I have you in sight, and you're looking good.

We have a ten-knot crosswind out of the east. Over.

PILOT: Roger, Fantasy Island Tower.

Ten-knot crosswind out of the east.

We're now turning on final approach.

Wheels down and locked.

Zebra-whiskey-zulu, you're coming in too hot.

Throttle back.

Throttle back and good luck.

( siren wailing )

Ah, gentlemen.

I am Mr. Roarke. Welcome to Fantasy Island.

Well, thank you, sir.

My name's Victor Grennan. I'm a federal marshal.

This is my prisoner.

You got some place I can lock him up

while they're getting the plane fixed?

Does your prisoner have a name?

Yeah, Mike Banning, Mr. Roarke.

Like I was saying, where can I lock him up?

Nowhere, Marshall, uh...

- Grennan. - Marshall Grennan,

I'm afraid not only can you not lock him up,

I'll have to ask you to remove the restraining belt.

Oh, but you have nothing to worry about.

There is no escape from the island.

Look, he's my prisoner, and I'll chain him

to the plane if I have to.

Please, Marshall, uh, Grennan.

This is my island.

I am the law here,

the only law.

You listen to me, punk.

I have never lost a prisoner,

and you're not gonna be number one.

If you try getting off this island,

you're gonna get yourself killed.

MR. ROARKE: When you get a chance to change,

there is someone on the island

you might like to see.

I don't think I know anybody on this island.

I'm referring to Miss Sandy Larson.

Your pen pal, you remember?

Yeah.

Is she here?

Sandy.

She's here, on a little vacation.

Oh, and, uh, I'd prefer not to see her.

Well, that's surprising since the two of you

have corresponded for over a year and haven't met.

Yeah, it was all right for a while but I had my reasons.

I don't have 'em any more.

I think you, uh, know how it is.

No, I don't. Perhaps you should tell me.

In prison, they take away all your privacies.

They suit you down to your underwear,

go through all your mail, incoming and outgoing.

And in the outgoing, I'd slide in all those little niceties.

"Live good, do good, be good."

To impress the board. Oh, I see.

I was looking forward to the board three months ago.

As you can see, they're not exactly taking me to Mardi Gras.

No, they're not. I see.

Then her letters meant nothing at all to you.

Well, some, yeah. She's... She's good people. It's just--

I think you should see Miss Larson anyway.

Oh, really? Really.

If not, the fuel pump to fix your airplane's engine

might conveniently be found in the next few minutes.

That's how it goes, huh? That's how it goes.

Agreed?

Looks like I have no choice.

Come in!

Where would you like your sandwiches, sir?

( mumbles )

One thing about Mr. Roarke.

He has a great man at his side.

Tattoo. Tattoo has to be at his side,

because if he stood in front of him,

he'd talk into his knee.

Ha, talk into his knee! That's terrific!

Oh, thank you.

- Hey! - I never touched you.

Jerome Burtinowski!

What?

Jerome Burtinowski-- Miss Henning's French class!

Erasmus Dinowitz High?

- Uh, uh-- - It's me!

Mary Margaret Doyle!

Se tu? Frer mon!

Is it really you, Mademoiselle Doyle?

It's me.

Oh, but I can't believe it's you.

You look so, uh, distingué.

Oh, merci beaucoup.

I mean, back in high school you were always so...

shy and everything.

Senior year, you were always hunched over

with your face in that bookbag.

Well, that's because I was very sensitive about my braces.

Had so much wire in my mouth,

I couldn't even talk during an electrical storm.

That's right, they used to call you, uh, metal mouth.

Right.

Oh.

And remember what they called me?

- Skinny! - Skinny!

( laughing )

Skinny, skinny Mary Doyle,

has a build like Olive Oyl!

I filled out.

Mmm.

Um...oh.

So, Mary, if I knew you were gonna turn out so great,

I probably would have taken

my head out of my bookbag a little early.

Sit down, please.

Gosh.

Yeah.

Oh, I always thought you were so funny.

You must feel real proud about writing

for a big star like Danny Baker.

- You know what I do? - Are you kidding?

I mean, you always said you were gonna write Broadway plays,

and I guess you've even done that.

Not yet.

Mary, I'm gonna stop writing for Danny.

I'm gonna be a stand-up comic on my own,

no more invisible man.

Well, that's terrific!

I mean, if that's what you want to do,

I'm sure you're gonna make it.

You always were talented, and a hard worker.

Uh, could I come watch your act?

I'd laugh like anything.

Yeah, sure, of course.

Good!

Oh, golly, but-- but right now,

I've gotta deliver these jokes to Danny.

Uh...

But listen, we'll talk about this later, okay?

- Okay. - Wonderful to see you again,

Mary Margaret.

Au revoir.

Oh! Au revoir.

- What, now? - Now.

Not a bad- looking girl, huh?

Hello, Sandy.

Mike!

There you are, in the flesh.

You're taller than I thought you'd be.

Oh, yeah?

Well, I told you how tall I was

in one of those letters, you remember?

That's right, I remember now.

You're prettier than I thought you'd be.

Oh, well, thank you.

Do you-- are you finished?

Eating?

We could, um, take a walk if you want,

talk someplace in private.

No. No, this is fine.

I thought the two of you might want to move around.

Mr. Roarke, how could you?

Does it make any difference, Mr. Banning?

No.

Well then, why don't you help the lady?

I don't need any help.

I want to go back to my bungalow.

Oh, I suggest that our lagoon is much prettier.

Uh, why don't you take Miss Larson there?

It's okay. I don't want to go.

I think you should...

Miss Larson.

I don't need any help.

I wasn't gonna help.

I was just gonna put my hands on the handles

so it looked like I was helping.

And there you are, my dear.

It'll be $1.80.

( chuckling )

Oh, you look gorgeous, honey.

That's a terrific suit-less bathing strap you almost have on.

You'd better hide in the woods

'fore the border health closes your body.

There you go.

Hey, isn't this fun, playing in the woods?

Oh, Mr. Roarke.

Tattoo. Glad you're here to see this.

After I deliver these, I'm free.

It's arrivederci, Danny,

hello, my new career.

Unfortunately, Mr. Burton, there is a slight problem.

- Problem. - Yes.

Apparently the reputation of The Bucket of Suds

wasn't as unjust as the proprietor claimed.

It seems they had a brawl there a few hours ago.

Now, the proprietor apologized profoundly

and requested a 30-day delay for your opening.

Apparently, that's the sentence

he'll receive for assault

with intent to commit great bodily harm.

Naturally, I told him to forget the whole thing.

But Mr. Roarke, what am I gonna do now?

I mean, you promised me my fantasy.

And you shall have it, Mr. Burton.

You shall have it.

I have booked you a spot

at the amateur show tomorrow night.

You will be seen not only by the audience,

but by several booking agents who have promised to attend.

- That's terrible. - I beg your pardon?

Mr. Roarke, Danny is the MC of that thing.

When he sees me up there, he'll slice me to ribbons.

Believe me, he is a master at that.

I have seen him tear comics apart.

( sighs ) I wouldn't stand a chance against him.

He's just too good at putting people down.

Does that mean you are refusing?

If you'll excuse me,

I'd better get these jokes to him.

Boss, what's wrong with him?

I thought his fantasy was to become a comic like Danny Baker.

It takes more than desire to fulfill any fantasy, my friend.

The element of courage is indispensable

to the realization of any dream.

Folks! Folks, if I can have your attention, please, everybody.

Please, attention, everybody.

As you know, tomorrow night is our big amateur talent show

and I want you all to be there

because I'm gonna be there and I hate to work alone.

Just to give you a sample of the fun tomorrow night,

I'd like to read you some of my latest ad libs.

Oh, but first, hey, let's have a big hand for our Mr. Roarke.

[ALL APPLAUDING]

And how about a pinky for Tattoo?

[ALL LAUGH]

That Tattoo, he really is something else, lemme tell ya.

Mr. Roarke wanted to give him his fantasy,

but it was a little hard to shrink down Raquel Welsh.

[ALL LAUGH]

Then he tried dehydrating Dolly Parton,

but that was a bust too. [ALL LAUGHING]

[STAMMERS, LAUGHING] A bust, you know?

Since you didn't know about...this thing,

why'd you stop writing?

I ran out of things to say.

I don't believe you.

We were at it for a year.

I got bored, you know?

Bored of my mother before I was a year old.

Your letters didn't sound like you were bored.

But you know, if I wanted to,

I could probably sell a wristwatch

to anybody with nothing on the inside.

Your letters had insides.

They weren't the letters of a game-player.

They were filled with feeling.

But sharing a few fantasies with you

about our... making love is...

Well, it's--it's not very hard to do

for a--for a guy that's locked up.

I don't care what anybody thinks,

all I care about is getting out of prison.

You know what's really sad?

Here we are in person for the first time.

All we can do is argue over what was.

I guess I don't know why you wrote what you wrote,

but I do know what your letters meant to me.

No, you can't go in. I told you, no!

Come on, git outta my way,

short stroke, I gotta see that boss of yours.

And, uh, what is the meaning of this, Marshall?

Everything's under control, huh?

Nothing to worry about, right?

Well, that's what you said, wasn't it, Mr. Bigshot?

Mm, approximately, yes, uh-huh.

Well then, suppose you tell me

where my prisoner is.

I saw him with that crippled girl,

and now he's disappeared.

But like I told you,

he can't get off the island.

Well, now, I'm telling you

he's attempting escape,

and that's gonna git him killed.

Speaking of drunks,

what about the drunk that put a dime

in the parking meter and said,

"Hey, what do you know, I weigh an hour"?

- Hey! - ( laughing )

Come on, how about a game of one-on-one?

Oh, no, first rule of basketball--

never play it with a girl taller than yourself.

It's my ball. I'm gonna take it and go home.

Sorry.

I heard today that you turned down

a performance that Mr. Roarke set up for you.

I didn't know I was important enough

to make the local gossip.

Well, actually, nobody's talking about it,

I just, uh, happened to ask Tattoo

what was going on with your new career.

Why'd you wanna know?

Because.

Because why?

Because I like you, Jerome Burtinowski,

and I remember how,

when you were a little kid,

you were always kind of shy and afraid,

but it never stopped you.

Not even when that big bully

dared you to fight him, remember?

Oh, uh, Maniac Malone.

Right. Right.

Was he mean!

He used to go around biting dogs.

Yeah, and you showed up

in this huge pair of pants

pulled up around your chin,

and you said, "No hitting below the belt."

So what's really the matter?

Why won't you do it?

I'm scared stiff... of Danny.

I know what he could do to me.

Why put myself through it?

Oh, I see. So you have changed, then.

When you were a kid,

you would at least show up to face the bully.

You won't even do that now, will you?

Will you stop it already?

He'd make a fool out of me in front of everybody.

Not everybody!

I wouldn't think of you as a fool

no matter what happened or how it turned out.

In fact, I'd be very proud of you.

Suppose nobody laughed at my material?

I'll laugh,

'cause I happen to think

you're the funniest person

in the whole wide world.

And an excellent basketball player.

You kiss much better without braces.

( chuckles )

Hold it right there.

I told you you was gonna get yourself killed.

Marshall Grennan,

as I warned you, you have no jurisdiction

on this island.

You pull the trigger, and it's murder.

You would be tried like a common criminal.

There are guys all over the world in prison

who'd like to see you again, ape.

I suggest you go back to your quarters.

You can ride with me, Mr. Banning.

Thanks. I owe you one.

I believe you left Miss Larson

in the middle of a conversation.

Perhaps you should explain to her

why you stopped writing.

It's terrible. You'd better do something quick.

MR. ROARKE: But what, Tammy, what happened?

We were out on a boat ride with Danny Baker,

and the engine conked out.

We swam ashore, but Danny can't swim,

and he's stuck out in the bay.

But he's got a show to do tonight.

No way!

Uh, well, there's only one answer.

Instead of just a guest appearance,

you will have to go on

in Mr. Baker's place as MC tonight.

- Me? - Yes.

- Tonight? - Yes.

I can't do that.

Of course you can.

You can use the material you wrote for Danny.

Certainly.

I will make an announcement,

and then call you at the proper moment.

Oh, and, uh...

Mr. Burton...

break a leg.

Break a leg?

Yeah, that means

"good luck" in show business,

and boy, am I gonna need it.

What brings you back?

Well, got caught.

I just thought you had a right to know the truth.

It doesn't matter.

Yes, it does.

Ted Hassoff, one of the guards back in the prison,

he had it in for me, see.

Played around the laundry room at night

and tried to do me in with his club.

He's the one that got done in.

Anyway, he told the brass that I started it,

so they denied me parole and gave me another three years.

What's that got to do with me?

It's got everything to do with you.

You're a good girl, and I didn't want you

to sit around for three years waiting for those dumb letters.

Dumb letters? I'll tell you about those letters.

I was lying in bed rotting away

waiting to die when that first letter arrived.

Do I look like I'm lying in bed waiting to die right now?

- No. - No, but nothing.

What was it you said when you were writing

all those positive things for the censors--

"no one should give up, play it straight,

find out where you fit and keep reaching higher"?

Maybe you didn't believe that stuff, but you sure convinced me.

What are you trying to do, drown yourself?

Let go of me!

It's those dumb letters you wrote

that gave the idea to get in the pool.

No, I can do it.

Uh!

Well, you're a good swimmer.

Those dumb letters had reason and purpose.

You know, I fantasized long before I came

to this island about you and me.

I even thought that maybe my legs wouldn't matter to you.

Was that dumb?

No, it wasn't.

Don't move. Stay there.

What are you doing?

I'm good in the water.

I fit in the water,

but you said "keep reaching higher.

Don't let anyone limit you."

You said you'd hang in there

and keep trying.

You said with love in your heart

and faith in your mind,

you could do anything.

You said-- you were right.

That's not bad for a girl

who's lying there waiting to die

when a dumb letter from a convict showed up.

( laughing ) You know,

it took a beautiful man

to write--write those thousands of words.

I'm not going for it.

You did it, not me.

I'm no hero, I'm no god,

I don't want any credit,

and I sure don't want any responsibility for you,

so just forget it.

Mike?

MR. ROARKE: Let us give a fantastic welcome

to Mr. Freddy Weller.

( begins to play )

♪ I wanna go to Fantasy Island ♪

♪ Fantasy Island ♪

♪ And let my desires run free ♪

♪ I wanna go where there's nothing but fun ♪

♪ And I can become someone I've always wanted to be ♪

♪ I see me now on Fantasy Island ♪

♪ Fantasy Island ♪

♪ Where everyone's smiling at me ♪

♪ With someone to fan me, and someone to hand me ♪

♪ A drink when I want it ♪

♪ As I lay beneath the coconut tree ♪

Maybe Danny will show up.

Maybe what...

Maybe Danny will get back in time,

and I won't have to go on.

Come on, now, you're gonna be great.

Shh.

♪ Let's take a trip ♪

♪ To Fantasy Island ♪

Thank you so much, Mr. Weller.

You see, I promised you a pleasant surprise.

And now, to kick off our amateur contest,

your master of ceremonies for the evening

is a young man who will be making

his own comedy debut on our stage.

I think you'll find him most amusing.

It gives me great pleasure, ladies and gentlemen,

to present to you Mr. Jerry Burton.

( fanfare plays )

Thank you. Thank you very much.

Thank you, Mr. Roarke, and thanks to all of you.

I'd just like to say right at the outset

what a tremendous thrill it is

to be working in a classy place like Fantasy Island,

because most of the joints I work in

are very tough, and I'm talking tough, here.

I mean, I worked in a place that was so tough,

the doorman used to shove you through the mail slot.

Pfft--just like--pfft-- just like that.

And, uh, this place was tough.

I said to the bartender, "Hey, I'm looking for a very cold martini."

He showed me a dead Italian in a meat locker.

Freezer, excuse me.

In a freezer, wasn't in the meat locker.

And, uh, the food in this place, tough food.

They had a thing there that they call, um...

They call it a do-it-yourself ham sandwich.

Loaf of bread and a live pig...

or a loaf of pig and a live bread,

I don't remember which one.

I found a fly in my soup at this place.

Had cement around its feet.

Or asphalt. But this is tough, I mean...

not as tough as this.

But, ladies and gentlemen,

the first contestant

on the Amateur Night bill.

He is the one man on Fantasy Island

with a one-man band.

Come on out here, Don.

♪ We're gonna rock it here ♪

♪ We're gonna rock it everywhere ♪

You were wonderful.

Oh, sure, they loved me.

That's why they didn't laugh.

Mary, I can't get to them. I'm not funny,

not the way Danny is.

There is only one Danny Baker,

but there is also only one Jerry Burton.

Don't try to do your material

the way Danny would do it.

Be yourself.

♪ Rock it ♪

♪ Roll it there ♪

( crowd laughing )

♪ Rock it, roll it, rock and roll ♪

Boss, Danny Baker is back.

He's gonna kill Jerry.

Thank you, Donny.

What's this?

Looks like a knockwurst wrapped in the French flag.

Who needs it.

Hey, listen folks, you know,

Don is not a professional musician.

He is actually a VIP, very important person.

He's got 5,000 people under him.

Mows lawns in a cemetery.

Um, you all know Mr. Tattoo.

He's a wonderful guy. So is Mr. Roarke.

They gave me a big opportunity here tonight...

and I'm blowing it.

I'm sorry.

Hey, Burton, do you know you happen

to be my favorite comedian?

Danny? Is that you?

No, it's Fidel Castro, but since I shaved,

nobody knows me.

Of course it's me, silly, in the flesh.

Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Danny Baker.

( applause )

Well, I don't care about anything.

I think you're hilarious.

As a matter of fact, I was gonna send you a fan letter.

Why couldn't you send me a fan letter?

Well, I didn't know how to spell "pffth."

( laughing )

Listen, Danny, I'm not gonna get into

- a battle of wits with you. - Why not?

Because I never fight an unarmed man.

But seriously, folks,

you have to admire a man like Danny Baker.

He has probably the finest comedy mind in the world.

That's true.

Unfortunately, it happens to be in my head.

- Eugh. - Hey, Danny,

come on, isn't that true?

Haven't I written all your lines

for the last eight years?

- I can't answer that right now. - Why not?

Because you didn't give me anything to say.

But I don't need a writer to say this, kid,

and this comes right from the gut.

You make me sick.

But seriously, Jerry, why don't you tell the folks

what you really and truly think of me?

I'd be glad to, Danny.

I always look upon you as my melancholy baby.

Your melancholy baby.

Head like a melon, face like a collie.

I'm making 'em laugh!

No, we're making 'em laugh, together,

and we'll go on doing it this way. This is great.

Hey, how about this Fantasy Island?

Is this some terrific island?

And how about this hotel, huh?

What a hotel!

Listen, I wouldn't wanna say the bellboys are tip-hungry,

but when I ordered a deck of cards,

they made 52 trips!

And the rooms-- do you believe

how small these rooms are?

Small rooms. My room is so small--

ALL: How small is your room?

My room is so small, when you get into the bed,

the doorknob gets in there with you.

So small, you gotta go out in the hallway to change your mind.

Right. My room is so small,

even the mice are hunchbacked.

Terrific!

( knocking )

I was hoping you'd come.

There's something I have to tell you.

Your letters did me good, too.

I've been bad since the day I was born...

...and after you,

I started to straighten my act out.

I stopped taking things from guys,

stopped intimidating people.

That's what you call a model prisoner,

until that guard gave me that hassle.

What happened back at the swimming pool?

Why'd you leave me?

You scared me.

How?

Well, you...

you thought I did something great, and I didn't.

I mean, I'm not always faith-filled and strong.

I can get weak, scared.

You started to depend on me.

I was afraid one day you'd turn to me,

and I couldn't deliver when you needed me most.

I needed you when you wrote that first letter,

and I needed you desperately

when you walked in here and sat down.

You've always delivered when I needed you.

Yeah, but I just see all that faith stuff,

and reaching higher and all that.

That's--that came from inside of me

after I knew you.

Don't you realize why I stopped writing you?

'Cause I was falling in love with you.

Those are the nicest words I've ever heard...

...and I love you, too.

We don't have much of a chance.

Don't we?

A year ago, you didn't care about anybody,

and I was a cripple.

Now you tell me you love me,

and I've taken a couple of steps.

I'd say together we've done a great job.

Do you...

Do you have any idea how much I love you?

How afraid I am of losing you?

Are you afraid right this minute?

No.

Neither am I.

Can you imagine what we'll do

when there's no mailman in the middle?

Huh. Come here.

MICHAEL: I want to thank you, Mr. Roarke.

Three years should go by pretty fast

as long as she's waiting for me.

Oh, you may not have to wait three years.

Information has come to light

that the guard was responsible for the incident

that prevented your parole,

and they've sent another marshal from Japan

to take you back for a new parole hearing.

TOGETHER: No more mailman!

Well, I learned a great lesson, Mr. Roarke--

never let Tattoo set up your boat trips.

You might not make it back to shore.

But I'm really glad it happened, though.

It made me realize that Jerry was more than just a kid,

and if let him go when his contract ran out,

I'd be losing the best part of my act.

( laughing )

- Good-bye, Mr. Roarke. - Good-bye, Mr. Baker.

Good-bye Mr. Roarke. Thanks from me, too.

Oh, a pleasure, Mr. Burton.

- Bye-bye. - Good-bye.

And thanks for making my fantasy come true, too.

I guess I've been in love with Jerry since high school.

( Bing Crosby's voice ) ♪ Tura lura lural ♪

♪ Tura lura lie ♪

♪ Tura lura lural ♪

♪ Hush, now, don't you cry ♪

Hey, boss, how do you like it?

Amazing.

Tattoo, I take it back.

That is the best Bing Crosby impersonation

I have ever heard.

Please sing some more, please, please.

♪ Over in Killarney ♪

♪ Many years ago ♪

♪ My mother sang a song to me ♪

♪ In tones so soft and low ♪

♪ And low ♪

And low.

♪ And low ♪

And low.

♪ And low ♪

♪ And low ♪

And low.

♪ And low ♪

And low.

♪ And low ♪ ( gibbering )

♪ And low ♪

♪ And low ♪

♪ And low ♪