Original subtitles

[♪♪]

[BELL CLANGS]

The plane! The plane!

[GIGGLING]

Tattoo?

Tattoo?

Tattoo!

TATTOO: I’m coming, boss. I’m coming.

Good morning, boss.

I’m sorry to be late,

but my britches keep falling down.

Might one ask why you are wearing that rather, uh,

bizarre outfit?

Oh, boss, think.

Miss Vera Templeton,

the millionaire lady who owns Moon Madness Cosmetics

is coming to Fantasy Island.

Right? Indeed, she is, Tattoo.

And she’s gonna film a lipstick commercial.

So?

So maybe she’s gonna need a director.

And who is the most "talentfied"

and talented and experienced filmmaker on the island?

Tattoo, you’ve been fantasizing again.

Boss, you know a better place to do so?

[♪♪]

Smiles, everyone. Smiles.

[HAWAIIAN MUSIC PLAYING]

[DOG BARKING]

Boss, here she comes.

Miss Vera Templeton

of Moon Madness Cosmetics Incorporated.

Correct, my friend.

The girl with her is her niece, Tracy,

who she has raised from infancy.

The rather proper gentleman is Benson,

the family butler, chauffeur and man of all word.

Well, I think I do better to see her

and see if she needs a director.

Uh, Tattoo, it is just possible that, uh,

Miss Templeton might find use for your talents on the set.

But I must tell you that making the commercial

is not her primary purpose for being here.

Uh...it is not?

No. You see, the lady has a fantasy.

She does? Mrs. Templeton

is on the verge of bankruptcy.

It is therefore her fantasy to find a husband

who is wealthy enough to keep her from losing her business

and thus saving what she feels

is her niece’s rightful inheritance.

Because she is an impulsive and warmhearted lady,

she has made a great many unwise investments.

Including loans to people

who had no intention of paying her back.

TATTOO: Boss, she looks like a very nice lady.

But kind of cuckoo.

Where we gonna find a rich pigeon

to marry her and her niece

and her butler and her dogs?

That, my friend, is my fantasy.

TATTOO: Boss, I’ve seen that man before.

It’s Leo Drake, the famous actor.

That’s right.

And the pretty lady with him

is his wife, Carmen.

TATTOO: Which one of them has a fantasy, boss?

ROARKE: Mr. Drake.

You see, he is what they call a method actor.

Oh, I see.

He likes to become the part he plays.

Just like Sylvester Stallone of Rocky.

Precisely. Precisely, Tattoo.

And because he is a method actor,

he has come here to prepare for his next

and most challenging movie role.

A preparation that could prove

very dangerous.

Boss, uh, what movie is he gonna work on?

A remake of...

Dracula.

[♪♪]

You mean, Leo Drake’s fantasy is to become

a vampire?

My dear guests, I am Mr. Roarke,

your host.

Welcome to Fantasy Island.

[♪♪]

[♪♪]

Uh, hello, Tracy, Benson.

How is the Moon Madness lipstick commercial coming along?

It’s the pits, Mr. Roarke.

Aunt Vera, she got

Sidney Tempest to direct.

He couldn’t direct traffic in a one-way town.

What a meatball.

Aunt Vera has a weakness for yo-yos.

Stella, are you in the mood?

I think so.

Quiet on the set, please.

I must have quiet to create the proper mood.

Good morn.

How nice to see you again, Mr. Roarke.

Thank you, Mrs. Templeton.

Your island is divine. Tomorrow morning

I shall dash on the beach in the nude and throw

seashells up to the rising sun.

[VERA GIGGLES]

Ah, Monsieur Tattoo.

Enchanté. How nice to see you.

I understand that you are a vivid fan of the cinema.

VERA: I hope that you shall give me

an honest critique of my commercial.

SIDNEY: Everybody, take your places.

Mrs. Templeton will be ready for the run through at any moment.

Ah, Sidney, darling.

Yes, Mrs. Templeton? Sidney, darling.

Can we have a run through?

[BLOWS WHISTLE] Run through!

VERA: Run through!

Is your Aunt always so um, energetic?

Wait ’till you see her after she has a couple of martinis.

Flames shoot out of her nose.

SIDNEY: Quiet on the set!

Quiet on the set!

SIDNEY: I shall read the commercial copy

during the performance.

Music.

[MUSIC STARTS PLAYING] Wind.

SIDNEY: Camera.

Action!

SIDNEY: A tropical night.

Drums, the maddening beat of the drums.

And you are alone.

Alone.

Then he is there.

[SQUAWKS]

I’m still waiting for my breeze.

And then you know what you must do.

SIDNEY: Where’s my tropical breeze?

I need wind blowing through my palms at once.

Moon Madness to the rescue.

Where’s my breeze?

Turn on the machine! Turn it on!

And now, loneliness is vanished,

thanks to Moon Madness’ exciting new lipstick!

[MACAW SQUEAKS]

[WIND BLOWING]

[SQUEAKS]

[LOUD BANGING]

[BLOWS WHISTLE]

Cut! For Pete’s sake, cut!

I’ll do better next time.

Sidney, darling, it pains me to tell you this.

But you are too immature to direct my commercial.

But luckily, I kept

the position for you as a parking lot attendant.

Better luck next time.

Of course. Oh!

Oh, oh.

What am I going to do? No director.

Nobody to direct my commercial.

Oh, Monsieur Tattoo.

[♪♪]

Monsieur Tattoo,

you are my only hope.

I am?

Could you take over the direction

of my commercial, please?

[MACAW SQUEAKS]

Of course. For you, I do anything.

Trust me, darling.

But first I’ve got to check with my actors.

Uh, Tracy, Benson,

why don’t you go ahead and see if you can be of any help

to Monsieur Tattoo. Okay.

Well?

How did I do?

Perfect, Mrs. Templeton.

You made a commercial seem of vital importance to you.

Nobody will ever suspect it was just your, uh,

cover story while you’re actually hunting

for a rich husband. Good. Good.

No man is more nervous than when he finds out

that the woman is on the prowl for a mate.

Oh, by the way,

where am I going to meet my prospective mate?

At a, uh, cocktail party I’ve arranged for this afternoon.

Uh-huh. Uh-hmm.

[♪♪]

ROARKE: Uh, Mr. and Mrs. Drake,

there is one thing you should know

about the people of this village.

They don’t care much for strangers.

CARMEN: Then you’d advise us to stay close to the castle.

ROARKE: Oh, I would.

But I should also explain that

even though the castle has been vacant for a long time,

it still does not enjoy a good reputation.

What do you mean, Mr. Roarke?

The people of the village

believe there is something evil about the place.

No one ever goes near it.

And now, on to your castle.

Grandmother, is something wrong?

He’s come back, just as I knew he would.

Who?

Him.

[♪♪]

CARMEN: Ever since we left the village, I’ve had an uneasy feeling.

And now this place, it scares me.

ROARKE: Perhaps it’s the old world ambiance.

The area is populated by rather interesting people.

Descendents of immigrants who came from somewhere in Romania,

many generations ago.

They live very much as did their forebears.

Romania, huh? Yes, where Transylvania is.

Or was. Yes, we know.

Leo’s ancestors came from there.

Well, the history’s a little obscure.

Some say my ancestor might have been the original.

Count Dracula. So I’ve heard.

Yes. Excuse me.

Oh, uh, one more thing, Mr. Drake.

I mentioned before that, um,

this castle has a sinister reputation.

Uh, every time I’ve come here I’ve felt...

well, I wouldn’t exactly call it fear.

But there is a definite presence of evil here.

Oh, but that’s good. That’s very good.

Please be careful, Mr. Drake.

Don’t confuse imagination with reality.

[SCOFFS]

And don’t allow yourself to become...

Possessed?

Is that the word you were going to use?

[♪♪]

I must be leaving.

I will see you in two days.

Excuse me.

[♪♪]

[LAUGHS]

This atmosphere.

Leo?

Hmm? I hate to say this.

I mean, I know it’s your fantasy and everything.

But I just don’t like it.

[CHUCKLES]

Honey, don’t be foolish.

Oh, what could possibly go wrong?

[♪♪]

ROARKE: The gentlemen don’t realize this little gathering

has been arranged for your benefit, Mrs. Templeton,

of course. VERA: Oh, of course.

When you are ready...

I am ready for the number one contestant

of my Prince Charming sweepstakes.

Very well.

Ah, that, exotic gentleman is Sheik Kamal Fussi,

popularly known as the Hawk of the Desert.

Uh, majority stockholder of Transglobal Petroleum.

[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

VERA: I’ll keep him in mind if I’m desperate.

Very well.

Mr. Cecil Antwistle of Antwistle Tool And Die.

Next.

Uh...

Well, I’m afraid we’ve come to the last candidate.

Mr. Hollis Buford, Jr.,

of H.B. Property Enterprises in Dallas, Texas.

He isn’t exactly Prince Charming, is he?

But then beggars can’t be choosers.

Are you sure he’s loaded?

Oh, Mr. Buford owns more than 500 acres

of choice property.

Oh, 500 acres isn’t so much.

Where are they?

Downtown Dallas.

Oh.

Excuse me, Mr. Roarke.

By all means, Mrs. Templeton.

Pardon me, sir.

I need some assistance.

You do?

Could you order me a beverage from the bartender?

I seem to be plum out of grape juice.

You just name your poison, ma’am.

I’d bite the head off a rattlesnake for you.

You would?

Yeah, ma’am. My word.

[♪♪]

MAN: Erica, Erica.

WOMAN: Erica, Erica.

MAN: Your business is good, but you, you look troubled.

WOMAN: Troubled? Huh. Of course I’m troubled.

All of you saw what I saw today.

MAN: We saw Mr. Roarke, taking some tourists to the castle.

WOMAN: He is back. I saw him! [MAN LAUGHS]

Magda saw him. You all saw him,

but you’re too afraid to admit it.

Please, Erica, do not start that again.

You are fools, all of you.

I warned you that this day would arrive,

for years I have predicted it.

And now it has. [MAN LAUGHS]

MAN: Erica and her predictions.

First she predicts rain, and it never comes.

Then she predicts clear weather for planting, and it pours.

And now she predicts vampires.

I know the person in that castle is Count Dracula.

And he has found us at last.

We’re the descendents of those who fled Transylvania

and all that evil, hundred of years ago.

Grandmother, I’m frightened.

I’ll see no harm comes to you.

Leo?

Leo?

Up here.

Oh, I was wondering where you were.

This place is terrific.

There are secret rooms and corridors and--

I’m cold.

This place gives me the creeps.

Yeah. Where did you get that outfit?

Mr. Roarke. He didn’t forget a thing.

How about this?

You know, what do you think?

Oh, Leo, please take those things off.

You know, this place has a huge basement.

Lots of rooms and you’ll never guess what’s in one of them.

What? A coffin.

Transylvanian dirt. You’re not gonna go that far.

What’s really weird...

I feel kind of

at home here.

Like me and great-great granddad have

a lot in common. Oh, Leo, don’t say that.

I’m starving.

You wouldn’t want your favorite vampire to die of malnutrition,

would you? Oh, that’s not funny, Leo.

Everybody knows there’s only one way to kill Dracula.

A wooden stake right through the heart.

You are cold, aren’t you?

Why don’t you go on? I’ll be down in a minute.

[♪♪]

VERA: I am sure Buford will be riding this way.

Aunt Vera, I can’t let you do this.

You’ve never been on a horse in your life.

And Benson can’t ride either.

You could get hurt. Nonsense, darling.

Animals love me.

Oh, Benson,

do you have your chaw?

Is this part really necessary, Mrs. T.?

Oh, Benson, please.

Please, help me in my hour of need.

Okay, Aunt Vera.

But you know what? I think you’re bananas.

Hollis Buford is a giant nerd.

All right, darling.

Come on, Benson, let’s mount up.

[BARKS]

[WHINNYING] Help!

Help!

Good grief!

Hold on, Mrs. T.! I’m coming!

[DOG CONTINUES BARKING]

[♪♪]

Good grief.

You’re doing this all wrong!

Benson!

Hang on, Mrs. T.! Hang on!

[SLURRED SINGING]

Are you sure this is the way to do it?

Courage, Mrs. T.! I’ll get this animal straightened out.

♪ At throwing good riders He’s had lots of luck ♪

♪ Oh, that strawberry ♪

[SCREAMING] Slow down, horse!

Oh! Oh!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Slow down, horsey!

Ah! Ah!

[VERA SCREAMS]

Why, it’s so nice to see you again, Mr. Buford.

Likewise, ma’am.

It’s a real pleasure meeting up with you again.

Especially seeing as how you hung in there

with that runaway.

Why thank you, sir. Thank you so much.

Nothing at all. TRACY: Aunt Vera.

Are you all right?

Why sure enough, Tracy Sue, honey.

Say howdy to Mr. Buford.

Howdy. VERA: Mr. Buford,

this is my niece, Tracy Sue Templeton, sir.

Oh, glad to meet you.

Nothing like seeing a family that rides together.

VERA: Oh, yes.

All of us Templetons ride, cuss and chew.

BENSON: Whoa!

Whoa! Whoa!

[BENSON SCREAMING] [WATER SPLASHING]

VERA: That’s my foreman Benson.

Sure loves them trick riding stunts.

Hot dang!

You really are my kind of folks.

Say listen,

I was just about to catch myself

some nice, fat jackrabbits

or maybe a juicy iguana for dinner on the trail.

I’d be mighty proud if you’d consent to join me.

Well, I would be delighted.

Delighted!

Dang.

[♪♪]

[♪♪]

[DOOR OPENS]

Leo! Oh, thank God you’re back.

I was worried about-- What is it?

What’s wrong?

I don’t know.

I’m not sure who I am.

[BUFORD AND VERA LAUGHING]

I’ll bet you’re gonna like this.

Oh, sure!

♪ Out on the prairie Where the Snake River bends ♪

♪ A masked desperado Was shot by his friend ♪

♪ One bullet for vengeance One bullet for sin ♪

♪ And after they shot him They shot him again ♪

[LAUGHS]

♪ Bang-de-de-bang-bang Bang-de-de-boom ♪

♪ Bang-de-de-bang Bang-bang-boom ♪

[DOG WHIMPERS] Listen to him.

He sounds like a sheep with the cramps.

Of all the weird boyfriends Aunt Vera has ever had,

he is the lowest.

Boy, am glad you brought this chicken.

If I even had to look at that gunk Hollis was frying,

I’d have fainted.

I don’t think Hollis is so bad.

That Cossack poet your aunt brought home,

who kept filling the bathtub with homemade yogurt,

he was really rotten news.

I know.

Aunt Vera’s picked some real winners.

But what does she see in a cow-kicker like Buford?

It beats me.

But I’ll tell you something.

Any man who gets the interest of your Aunt Vera

is one lucky so-and-so.

She’s honest, smart, funny and beautiful.

She... Benson,

you’re in love with Aunt Vera, aren’t you?

Well, I...

I guess I’ve-- I’ve always been, kind of.

But don’t tell her I said so.

You know, maybe someday she’ll need me

for something more than toting luggage

and paying the liquor store.

But you never can tell.

♪ Bang-bang-bang Bang-boom ♪

[BUFORD AND VERA LAUGH]

How do you like it?

I love it, cowboy.

Play it again.

Why sure, ma’am.

♪ Out on the prairie Where the Snake River bends ♪

♪ A masked desperado Was shot by his friend ♪

♪ One bullet for vengeance One bullet for sin ♪

This could go on for some time.

We might as well keep busy.

What do you like in industrials today?

United Magnesium Alloy looks like a comer.

I don’t know.

Before I sell any of my Moon Madness stock

to go for those high-risk issues,

I’d rather look into gold mine stock on the big board.

What do you think?

♪ ...they shot him again ♪

Well...

[BOTH LAUGHING]

All right, take me down, please.

Places. Places, everybody. Places.

All right.

Remember, on a movie set,

the director is king.

I want to do this scene my way.

Now, remember, be passionate.

All right, let’s do it.

TATTOO: Sound.

Music.

[PERCUSSION MUSIC PLAYS]

Louder! Wind.

Camera.

Action!

Now remember, Stella,

the man you love ignores you.

So you put on your Moon Shadow Madness lipstick

and suddenly he sees you.

You love each other,

but you resist.

But the attraction is too strong.

Suddenly you run into each other’s arms.

Run.

Run.

Cut!

All right, take a break. We do it later on.

[BUFORD AND VERA LAUGH]

Ooh.

Ooh!

Mrs. T., may I? Yes.

Yes. Yes.

Whoops. Miss Vera,

you made me the happiest hombre in the world.

Well, I’m plum delighted.

Bye, Sugar Puss.

Adiós, ma’am.

Hyah! Hyah!

[SIGHS]

Help me, Benson.

I think I have a blowout in my body.

I’ve been out all morning branding cows.

Revolting.

Why’d Buford say you made him happy, Aunt Vera?

Because--

Because I-- I promised to marry him.

Isn’t that marvelous?

You have to call him uncle at once.

The wedding is tomorrow.

VERA: Benson, get me to the nearest sauna.

I’ve got a headache in my legs.

This way, Mrs. T.

Don’t forget to call him uncle.

I won’t ever call him uncle!

I’d rather chew tobacco first!

I’m sorry you’re unhappy with your aunt’s choice, Tracy.

But I suppose financial pressures

are liable to affect anyone’s judgment.

What financial pressures?

Aunt Vera’s majority stockholder

and she’s chairman of the board of Moon Madness.

She’s loaded.

Oh, I’m sorry, Tracy.

Perhaps I’ve said too much already.

I’m sorry.

Mrs. T. will be okay, Tracy.

I’ve got the masseuse working her over in the steam room.

You okay, kiddo?

Benson, let’s get out

the stockholder’s financial report

on Moon Madness.

I think Auntie Vera’s been keeping something from us.

Hmm.

Is that so?

Mm-hmm.

[♪♪]

CARMEN: Leo, please don’t go out again.

Leo, you’re going way too far with this.

It’s like you’re not acting the role anymore.

It’s like you’re actually becoming Count Dracula.

Leo?

Leo?

[♪♪]

Precious!

Precious, why aren’t you in beddy-bye?

I want you to be beautiful and rested tomorrow morning

for auntie’s wedding.

Oh, it’s going to be beautiful.

The preacher is going to stand in the back of the chuck wagon.

Cut the act, Aunt Vera.

I know Moon Madness is in the dumper.

Benson and I just went through the figures.

Oh, that’s nothing.

It’s just a passing little problem. It’s nothing.

The board of directors will vote you out

at the very next meeting.

You’ll lose the company and every penny you have.

That’s why you’re marrying that rich clodhopper.

Isn’t it? Darling,

it’s my foolishness that got Moon Madness into trouble.

So it’s my responsibility to get it out.

You see, if I lose control of the business,

400 of the most trusted employees could lose their jobs.

And I squandered away your inheritance.

Because you see, darling,

I want this business to be yours one day.

Because you are the little girl

I always wanted and I never had.

But Hollis Buford’s such a jerk.

[LAUGHS] He’s such a nice jerk.

And I’m going to try to make him happy.

Now, come on, let us have a nice smile. Come on.

And let me do what I have to do.

Well, I have those shares of Moon Madness

you gave me for my birthday and Christmas and everything.

And if we put our shares together,

maybe we’ll have enough votes to keep you up on the board.

And Benson has some shares too.

Darling, I-- I do love you.

And I really do appreciate the offer, but...

you see, we have to be practical.

I have only 30 percent of the voting share.

And I need another 21 percent to be in control,

which is thousands and thousands of shares.

[♪♪]

Be strong, my darling.

I need your strength.

[DISTANT HOWLING]

[♪♪]

[SCREAMING]

WOMAN: Oh, God, no!

My baby! My baby!

[WOMAN SCREAMING]

Down the hall! Down the hall!

[YELLING]

MAN: This way! This way!

WOMAN: Oh, my child.

Do you see what the vampire’s done?

He’s killed her.

Can there be any doubt in your mind now?

Can there?

Still, we have no proof.

How much proof do you want?

How many more young bodies do you want ravaged

by that monster?

Answer me?

The vampire must be destroyed

or there will be no peace in our village.

Not one of us will be safe.

Oh, we’ll all sit in our houses at night, waiting.

Just waiting for that monster to attack.

We must destroy him first.

With a stake through his heart.

Yes!

[RACKETING]

[♪♪]

[ANGRY SHOUTING]

Leo, where have you been?

[PANTING]

What happened?

Leo, I know something is wrong.

You were gone for hours.

Try to remember.

Try to remember, Leo.

[INDISTINCT SHOUTING] [DOG BARKING]

[UPROAR GETTING CLOSER]

Get them in!

They’re coming for me.

[DOGS BARKING]

[BANGING]

They’re coming for me.

Leo?

[WOOD CRACKS]

[MOB SHOUTING]

The basement!

He must be here!

He should be here!

Yes!

Open the casket!

No!

[♪♪]

Where is the Count?

There is no Count Dracula, my friends.

Except in fiction.

It doesn’t matter what his name is.

He is a vampire!

ROARKE: The man you seek is an actor.

Not a vampire.

You’ve not seen what he did to her,

your so-called actor.

We all know a great deal about vampires, don’t we?

Including the fact that they cannot survive

the light of day. Isn’t that right, madam?

They crumble to dust when the sun hits them.

Then all we need to do is find the vampire

and expose him to sunlight.

The evil creature will be no more.

And none of you good people will be...

murderers.

[ROOSTER CROWING]

The rooster crows.

Soon, daylight will be upon us.

Mrs. Drake,

do you believe that your husband is a vampire?

Certainly not.

But I’m not sure what he believes.

Will you excuse me, please?

[PEOPLE GASP]

Mr. Drake, will you please follow me?

Will you please stand there.

[♪♪]

So...

you can see Mr. Drake is not a vampire.

He never was.

MAN: What about Magda?

What about--?

I can clear that up also.

Tattoo?

MAN: She’s alive.

You see?

No teeth marks on her pretty neck.

And your own village doctor confirmed

that this young lady was drugged.

She’s still a bit sleepy, I think.

Where is Erica?

Where is she? ROARKE: Gone.

Vanished somewhere.

You see, she knew the girl, Magda, was unharmed.

In fact, she even placed

the puncture marks on her neck herself.

DRAKE: But why?

To incite her fellow villagers to murder you, Mr. Drake.

And using the secret of that crime

to gain power over them.

Praying upon the unconscious fears,

the latent superstitions of others,

only to fatten her own feelings of self-importance.

[♪♪]

Mr. Roarke?

Thank you.

You’re quite a performer yourself.

Dearly beloved, and howdy friends.

I’ll commence my service

just as the bridegroom arrives.

And that ought to be any moment now.

I wonder why Tracy and Benson aren’t here.

Yes. Well, I’m sure they’ll turn up, Mrs. Templeton.

Now I hope so.

Boss, I wish they hurry up.

I want to re-shoot my commercial.

Yes.

How thoughtless of them

to put an unimportant thing like a wedding ahead of that.

[CAR HORN LOWING]

[LAUGHING]

Yeah!

The bridegroom’s here!

[CACKLING]

Hey, Judge Randolph,

now you can get on with this serious marrying.

Come on, honey.

Well, now that the whooping and the hollering

ceremonial is over, I shall proceed.

Do you, Vera Grovsner Meredith Dunstable Templeton,

little darling, take this old cowhand

as your lawful wedded husband?

TRACY: Stop the wedding!

Stop the wedding!

Stop the wedding!

Tracy, Tracy, what are you saying?

BENSON: I can tell you what she’s saying.

You don’t need to marry him.

Here are all the shares you need

to retain control of Moon Madness.

You don’t need Buffalo Bull to bail you out.

What do you mean?

Well, it’s really quite simple.

All those years Tracy and I

were studying the market as a hobby,

I was investing the shares you gave us

for birthdays and bonuses.

Tracy’s too?

I’m afraid so.

Tracy didn’t know about it till this morning.

I just got off the phone with our broker

and, uh, here’s the current tally.

I have 43,000 shares

and Benson has 51,855,

for a grand total of 94,855.

Auntie Vera, you can keep the company!

Yahoo!

Oh, don’t take this personally.

It just seems that you and I will have to remain

ships that pass in the night.

Dagnabbit!

Now I gotta get me a date for the rodeo.

[♪♪]

What are you doing?

He’s doing what I asked him to, Aunt Vera.

If you want to keep the company,

there’s a string attached.

And I’m it.

Mrs. T., Vera,

I love you.

I’ve loved you for years.

But I’m through standing in the background

while you marry anyone who can walk you to the altar.

If you want these Moon Madness shares,

you have to marry me.

Why, I never knew

you could be so masterful, Benson.

Maurice.

Maurice.

Maurice.

I love to marry you.

[♪♪]

[HAWAIIAN MUSIC PLAYING]

Goodbye, Mr. Roarke.

Tattoo.

Thank you for all your help.

Oh, it was a pleasure, Mrs. Drake.

Uh, should you require assistance

in any of your future acting roles,

please feel free to return.

Oh, thank you, but I prefer him rehearsing his roles

in a good old library back home.

[CHUCKLES]

Oh, uh, one last thing, Mr. Drake.

Uh, I had your genealogy traced.

And, um, it appears that one of your ancestors

did indeed come from Transylvania.

What’d I tell you?

However, your forebear was not Count Dracula.

But he was the count’s caretaker.

Well, maybe it wasn’t in my genes.

Maybe it was all imagination.

Perhaps it was, Mr. Drake.

Thanks, gentlemen. You’re very welcome.

Mr. Drake. Goodbye.

Goodbye.

Well, Mr. and Mrs. Benson.

And how are our two newlyweds?

Ecstatic, Mr. Roarke.

And as for your fantasy,

there is only one word: fantastic.

ROARKE: Oh, I am so pleased.

By the way,

do you have any news of the TV commercial’s screening?

VERA: As a matter of fact,

all of our board of directors saw the commercial this morning.

And they wanted me to convey to you our undying gratitude.

Uh, well then,

and they want to know if I’m free

to shoot the next commercial?

As a matter of fact, no.

You see, after they saw the commercial,

they decided to drop Moon Madness lipstick

completely from our line.

[♪♪]

Goodbye, Mr. Benson.

VERA: Goodbye and thank you.

[♪♪]

[♪♪]