Original subtitles

[♪♪]

[BELL CLANGS]

The plane! The plane!

[GIGGLES]

Ah, good morning, Tattoo.

Good morning, boss.

What’s that?

Oh, it’s a mini computer.

My cousin, Igor, sent it to me.

Oh. And how does the computer work?

Oh, it beats me, boss.

He forgot to send the instructions.

But I’m sure it’s very good.

Computer can save a lot of guesswork.

So can bikinis.

Uh, shall we go and meet our guests?

[♪♪]

[GIGGLES]

Smiles, everyone. Smiles.

[HAWAIIAN MUSIC PLAYING]

Boss, who are those gorgeous ladies?

ROARKE: Miss Ginny Winthrop,

Miss Amber Ainsley

and Miss Claudia Hayes.

What’s their fantasy?

One of danger and excitement, Tattoo.

You see, those young ladies,

all of them secretaries for a major insurance company,

have come in hopes of being able to live an adventure

like their favorite television heroines.

Charlie’s Angels.

Charlie’s Angels?

Yes.

Boss, my fantasy always has been to be Bosley.

Indeed.

Uh, perhaps this weekend

a number of fantasies can come true.

Boss, you really mean that?

ROARKE: The four gentlemen disembarking now

are all veterans of World War II,

who while incarcerated in the German prison camp,

Stalag 3,

ran a network of escape routes

for the other prisoners.

That sounds very dangerous.

ROARKE: Oh, indeed, it was.

Their last big escape was their own.

It is said that the comandante of Stalag 3

never recovered from the disgrace

and mortification he suffered because of those four.

They are all very wealthy now, except Danny Ryan.

The other three affectionately call him,

"Daring Danny, the craziest guy we ever knew."

He saved his friends’ lives when they escaped from Stalag 3.

Whose fantasy is this, boss?

Mr. Ryan’s.

He wants to relive the good old days

of World War II again.

But there is more to it than that.

Is that what you mean, boss?

ROARKE: We’re going to give him that, Tattoo,

and much more.

My dear guests,

I am Mr. Roarke, your host.

Welcome to Fantasy Island.

[♪♪]

ROARKE: Your fantasy was to return to the village of Bugeval.

Well, my friends, welcome to Bugeval.

DANNY: Incredible.

I mean, just like it was in 1944.

Even the Chez Fifi...

where we spent those 30 miserable nights

in that dark cellar after our escape, huh?

DANNY: Tell him, Mr. Roarke.

How did you do all of this?

Well, um, it so happens that the village of Bugeval

was scheduled for demolition, to make way for an airport.

It was imported here, stone by stone.

Far out.

Uh, I don’t suppose any of the...

same people of...

MAN: Uh, what Danny is trying to say

is that, Chez Fifi used to be run

by a very special lady.

Oh.

[LAUGHS] Fifi Aprea.

She wouldn’t still be around, would she, Mr. Roarke?

Why not see for yourself, Mr. Ryan.

Let’s go. [LAUGHS]

[CANCAN MUSIC PLAYING]

Hey, look at this.

What do you think? Hey?

[SPEAKS FRENCH]

Oh, Danny! DANNY: Fifi!

[SMOOCHING]

[LAUGHS]

Oh, mon cher.

You have come back.

Ooh-la-la-la-la-la.

[BOTH LAUGH]

Oh. Mwah.

Fifi.

Isn’t that something? Fifi.

You have all come back.

Fifi, the years have hardly touched you.

Oh, that’s very kind of you to say so.

But you always were an outrageous flatterer.

[BOTH LAUGH]

Fifi, those cancan girls are really gorgeous.

FIFI: Doesn’t Fifi always have the most gorgeous girls?

Why don’t we all join them?

Why don’t we?

Yo!

Let’s go!

Hey!

I told you guys to trust Roarke.

He never forgets anything.

[LAUGHS]

I...I don’t quite know how to say this because

nothing like it has ever happened in the past.

I’m afraid I find it necessary to cancel your fantasy.

Mr. Roarke,

you promised we could have an adventure

like Charlie’s Angels.

Yes, I know.

What happened that’s so all-fired tragic?

Ironically enough, a robbery.

Well, over half a million dollars was stolen.

Whoever perpetrated this crime plays for high stakes

and could be extremely dangerous.

But Mr. Roarke, that is our fantasy.

You promised us we could handle a caper.

Yes, but I had something else in mind.

Something far less perilous.

Now I simply cannot place three of my guests in jeopardy.

I can’t.

Mr. Roarke, we insist.

Sorry, it’s out of the question.

Unless...

Unless what?

Unless my assistant, Tattoo here,

were willing to work with you.

With him at your side, I wouldn’t be unduly concerned

about your safety.

Don’t worry, boss.

I will let nothing happen to them.

Nothing.

It is agreed then.

Hmm, I suggest that, um,

you ladies adopt adequate covers

before you’re introduced to Lizzie Clark.

Who is using our facilities here

as headquarters for her sensitivity training program.

And, please,

do be careful in the meantime, won’t you?

[♪♪]

Hi, short, dark and handsome.

Give me a kiss.

Mwah.

Liz, this is, uh, Amber,

Claudia and Ginny.

How do you do? Hello.

Mr. Roarke phoned me. I hope you can help out.

Oh, yeah. We’re sure gonna take a run at it.

According to Mr. Roarke, you’re keeping the robbery a secret.

As long as I can get away with it.

One word leaks out and my business could be ruined.

Maybe we can find the missing loop before that happens.

Any suspects?

LIZ: Whoever did it is still here.

There were no check outs since last night.

The stolen half million dollar broach

belongs to the one at the bar.

[♪♪]

[LAUGHS]

TATTOO: Her husband is called

the Boy Wonder of Real Estate.

Any questions?

No. No. Got it.

All right. Well, here’s

a schedule of the classes

and the meals, the times.

You’ll love it. Sounds like fun.

It will be. You won’t regret it.

[ACCORDION MUSIC PLAYING]

See, this is one of the reasons for the reunion.

It’s a can’t miss proposition.

The four of us put up the cash, we all go in together.

Hey, there’s me darling.

Think about what I said. Oh, absolutely.

Cheri.

I can’t get over it.

Everything exactly as it was in 1944.

Even Danny’s trying to cook up a deal.

And he still owes us from the last one.

[MEN LAUGH] If everything were the same,

we’d probably be hearing the clank-clank of tanks

any day now. [MEN LAUGH]

[TANK APPROACHING]

Did you say any day now?

That sounds like a tank, all right.

Hey, Danny,

this is a terrific fantasy you dreamed up.

But how much further does it go?

Surely, you did not look to recreate World War II.

[LAUGHS]

[SCREAMING]

MAN: Everyone stand still!

Do not move!

Von Stern?

Jawohl.

Colonel Horst Von Stern.

Comandante of Stalag 3.

I think you remember me well.

We remember you, all right.

But the war’s over, old boy.

Your side lost.

Von Stern forgets those minor details.

But what I do remember very well

is the humiliation that I suffered at your hands.

Danny, what the hell is this?

You think comandantes have no fantasies?

This is mine.

You are my prisoners.

This is ridiculous.

And it’s gone far enough.

Take them away.

[♪♪]

What’s that?

Oh, that’s a computer.

Very complicated.

You know, life is very complicated.

That’s why I came here,

to uncomplicate my life.

Stupid machine.

So you’re a freelance magazine writer?

Yes, ma’am. I’m doing a piece

on Miss Clark’s sensitivity training techniques.

Oh. So that’s why you ask so many questions.

Being a photographer’s model is like anything else.

It’s got its good and its bad points.

But it’s, a good living.

And so does interior design.

But I get so bored.

What about you, Mr. Matthews?

What do you do for a living?

I sell iceboxes to Eskimos.

Anything else? [CLEARS THROAT]

Yes.

Why so hostile?

Because I don’t enjoy being grilled

like some penny-ante crook.

Well, I wonder what Charlie’s Angels

would be doing right about now?

Hmm. Unless I missed my guess,

they’d be checking out the mysterious Joe Matthews,

very carefully.

Starting out with his bungalow, right?

Hmm.

[MILITARY MUSIC PLAYING]

VON STERN: Open the gate!

[VON STERN SHOUTS]

I’m all for déjà vu,

but this is a touch more than I ever counted on.

I don’t believe this.

Silence!

Talk is reported!

As you can see, there are four graves.

And there are one,

two, three, four of you.

This bloke’s out of his tree.

He always was psycho.

This time there will be no attempt at escape

from Stalag 3.

Do I make myself clear?

Jawohl, Colonel. Jawohl.

There will be no more escape attempts from Stalag 3.

[♪♪]

Take those prisoners to the barracks.

SOLDIER: Jawohl, Mein Comandante.

[SITAR MUSIC PLAYING]

You came here for sensitivity training,

so that’s what you get.

Now we’re going to start out

by experiencing human contact

in its most primitive form.

LIZ: Now I want you... I just love doing this.

Do you love doing this?

If you do, I do. [GIGGLES]

All right, now that we’re all comfortable,

we’re going to take turns touching each other.

[PEOPLE LAUGHS]

LIZ: You heard me, touching.

Reach across and touch your partner’s hand.

Okay. Now, touch...

and feel.

Touch and feel.

[LAUGHTER]

Excuse me.

GINNY: Are you sure this is Matthews’ bungalow?

AMBER: Positive.

There’s nothing in here.

Okay.

If I cracked a safe,

where would I stash the loot?

Remember that Charlie’s Angels episode

where Sabrina got involved with a pole-vaulter?

Where he stole a necklace and hid it in the fridge?

Right.

I got a better idea.

Come on, baby.

Pay dirt.

These had to come from Lizzie’s safe.

Look, this one belongs to Dick Stanton.

Still got the cash in ’em.

It’s chicken feed.

I want to know where the valuable items are.

Like the half-a-million-dollar broach.

Hey, Amber, what’s that?

I’ve seen one of these before

in my police science class.

It’s an M206 Supercam scanning device.

What do you do with it?

It’s the most sophisticated device going for opening safes.

It takes an electronic genius to know how to work this thing.

All right, turn around and face this way.

That’s right.

Come on, get back into the room.

Put that down.

Put it down! Go on. Get back.

Um, who wants to explain what’s going on?

Nobody!

[GUNSHOT]

All right,

like I said, what’s going on here now, huh?

We just discovered where you stash piled the loot

after ripping off Liz Clark’s safe.

Are you saying somebody knocked off Liz’s safe?

Because if you are, I’m in a lot of trouble.

You better believe you’re in trouble.

Safe-cracking.

Oh, that used to be my racket, but I’m retired now.

Any particular reason why we should believe you?

Yeah.

Because this whole thing is too pat.

Like my trip to this island.

I didn’t pay for it.

It was an all-expense-paid vacation

sent to me by anonymous.

Now I’m betting it’s that same anonymous

that busted Liz’s safe, framed me with this junk

and then took off with the heavy stuff.

Reasonable?

It won’t wash, Matthews.

God as my witness...

Stop name-dropping.

All right, nobody gets crazy here.

And nobody leaves this cabin for five minutes, all right?

Got it? Five minutes.

[ALL SIGH]

Well, we certainly handled that suspect.

Yeah.

We better check in with Bosley.

You mean Tattoo.

I don’t think Mr. Matthews cracked the safe.

What makes you say that?

I’ve gone into his police report.

He’s more a powder than real man.

I couldn’t find any scratch on the safe.

But like I told you, we found the M206 scanner

that he used to open it.

Criminals rarely change their M.O.’s that’s a fact.

Charlie’s always telling that to the Angels.

If Matthews is telling the truth about not being guilty,

somebody could have planted that M206

as evidence to frame him.

Or Matthews could have an accomplice.

Someone who was an expert in electronics.

That’s a possibility.

I better call Charlie, I mean, Mr. Roarke.

[♪♪]

What do you suppose Von Stern wants us for?

Oh, who knows? Revenge?

We sure made a klutz out of him in 1944.

[LAUGHS]

Danny’s right. Up until then

he was a high muckety-muckety with the Nazis.

Yeah.

And charged with official looting in the area.

Paintings, gold, jewelry,

anything they could get their crummy hands on.

I remember reading somewhere

that he and a bunch of other ex-war criminals

were living in South America,

trying to raise funds for a Fourth Reich.

Hmm.

[DOOR OPENS]

[♪♪]

Lieutenant Everett Hodges.

Mr. Hodges, if you don’t mind.

It’s one thing for Von Stern to be bombing.

But how did he persuade those young men to come with him?

Maybe he promised them that this time around

they’d win the war.

[♪♪]

[SPEAKING GERMAN]

1944.

Are you the one who crept into my room

while I slept and stole my symbol of authority?

I haven’t the slightest idea what you’re talking about.

A riding crop,

similar to this one!

Who’d want to steal that?

You and your men dug tunnels,

some to the south and some to the north.

And while we waited for hours patiently

for the prisoners to crawl out,

they escaped to the east. Deception?

We were deceived and they escaped.

Now Mr. Garner,

what kind of deception was used

when you stole my riding crop?

And where is it now?

I’m warning you, I’m at the end of my patience!

Either you return my riding crop,

or your life is at an end.

I’ve been telling you for two hours,

I don’t know anything about your stupid riding crop.

So you refuse to tell me.

Don’t you understand you will all die?

Herr Comandante, why don’t you take two aspirin

and call me in the morning.

Captain Ryan,

either you will talk

or the four of you will occupy the four graves.

And that is a promise.

[♪♪]

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

Oh, Mr. Roarke.

Miss Ainsley.

Why are you here?

Is there a problem? Is something wrong?

Good evening, ladies.

ALL: Good evening. Tattoo.

In answer to your question,

I have come here out of concern for your safety.

Yes, yes.

You see, Tattoo phoned me about your encounter

with Mr. Matthews.

Fighting for a gun?

One or more of you could have been killed.

I thought we handled ourselves pretty well.

I’m sorry. I’m afraid it is as I said in the beginning.

This fantasy is too dangerous for neophytes.

Now for your own safety,

I strongly urge that you give up

this investigation.

I’m sorry, Mr. Roarke. We can’t quit now.

Amber’s right.

We’re committed.

And so are you, Mr. Roarke.

You said this was our caper. And it is.

And we’re going all the way.

I see.

This is your final decision?

Final and irrevocable.

Tattoo?

I stick with them, boss.

[DOG BARKS]

Heil Hitler.

[FRENCH MUSIC PLAYING]

[SPEAKS FRENCH]

Danny.

Mon cher.

I thought you were a prisoner.

When was I ever a prisoner, anyplace, anytime,

for very long?

[CHUCKLES] Now, Fifi,

during those days, when you let us hide in your cellar,

I gave you something to keep for me.

Uh, there was so much going on in those days.

A riding crop.

The comandante’s black riding crop.

You remember, don’t you? No.

I used to parade up and down with it, remember?

[LAUGHS] Oh, mais oui.

I remember now.

I was still afraid of the Germans.

So I hid it.

In the cellar.

The cellar? Mm-hmm.

But wait.

If Mr. Roarke had the whole village moved,

stone by stone, building by building,

everything practically intact,

it could still be there in the cellar.

Anyway, there’s a chance. Huh?

[SPEAKS GERMAN]

[SPEAKS GERMAN]

If you want to live,

you will remain quiet

and do as the gentleman says.

[SPEAKS GERMAN]

[SQUEAKS]

Well?

Ah. Voilà.

Ah.

[LAUGHS]

This is it.

This is it. This is it.

Qu’est que ç’est?

Ah.

Here we go.

Look at them, Fifi. Diamonds.

Look at the size of those diamonds.

FIFI: Ooh-la-la-la-la.

Ooh-la-la-la-la.

This is what Von Stern risked his life to come back for.

[LAUGHS]

Blows my mind.

A two-bit riding crop

for the fortune hidden inside.

And it’s all ours.

All we’ll ever need forever. [LAUGHS]

Let’s get out of here while it’s still dark,

before they miss him.

You mean back to Stalag 3?

Are you kidding? Back to the States.

But what about Fox and Garner, Hodges?

We’ll send help for them when we get back to Roarke.

Oh, Danny.

You would not desert your comrades.

I’m not deserting them, baby.

What could I do if I went back? I’d never get out again.

This way there’s a chance to get the others out,

even buy their freedom.

But Von Stern is crazy.

When he finds out you’re gone, he, he might kill them.

Nah, Von Stern? [SCOFFS]

He’ll hold them for hostage, to bargain with.

But you can’t be sure of that, can you?

Look, Fifi,

if I go back, I lose everything.

My one big break.

I’m 54 years old.

I haven’t got two nickels to rub together.

Why do you think I came on this fantasy?

I was hoping to raise money from them, for a deal.

Those guys, I mean,

they live high on the hog. Fat cats.

Me, this is my one chance.

But they’re your friends.

They rely on you.

They’ve got no right to.

I couldn’t get us all out.

But you can!

You’ll find a way.

Only you can.

Why do you think they came with you on your fantasy?

I don’t know. To get away from the rat race

for a few days, whatever. No, Danny.

They came because of you.

Me?

You are a vanishing breed, Danny Ryan.

You are what every man dreams of being.

You are a hero.

[♪♪]

LIZ: Oh, there you are.

I’ve been looking for you. Come.

We have to talk.

Oh. Oh.

TATTOO: What’s going on? Doomsday.

Mr. and Mrs. Stanton have decided

to throw a party for all the guests tonight.

Formal.

So?

They’ll all want their valuables from my safe

to wear to the party.

Right. And you can’t produce them.

Trust us.

GINNY: Right, girls?

Right. Trust us.

Why should she trust us?

AMBER: Because...

Because we’re going to return

every missing item from your safe,

no later than 5:00 p.m. today.

Oh, thanks, kids.

Thanks a million.

Half a million.

How are we going to do that?

Mm-hmm. I don’t have a clue.

Oh.

But let’s worry about it over breakfast.

I’m starved.

Great.

Hello. Table for four, please.

Yoo-hoo.

Thank you very much.

We saved some seats for you. Won’t you join us?

Yes. Thank you. Good morning.

Good morning. Good morning.

I understand that you are throwing a party.

Yes. I do hope you can all come.

No reason why we can’t.

MRS. STANTON: I had to talk Dick into it.

He doesn’t understand a woman’s need

to get all dolled up. [LAUGHS]

If I had a broach like yours, I’d go formal all the time.

Oh?

You’ve seen my broach?

Uh, no, no. Word of mouth, ha, ha.

Stupid machine.

That’s a real beauty.

You mind if I have a look at it?

No, that’s okay. But it’s very complex.

What are you doing?

Oh, just a simple calculus problem.

It does calculus?

Calculus, algebra, geometry, trig.

It’s a great little machine.

Ah, I see you’ve got the random access memory.

And floating decimal.

Redundant recording scheme.

Geometric recall and the solution interlace.

You do understand all this, don’t you?

Oh, yes, of course.

You seem to be very comfortable with that computer.

Well, he should be.

Dick’s got two degrees in electronics.

[DICK LAUGHS]

I was with the space program,

till it dried up.

That’s when I went into real estate.

Interesting.

Very interesting.

[♪♪]

Merry Christmas!

Santa Claus has arrived!

Where in blazes have you been?

Look at the outfit. In town.

And this is what it was all about.

Von Stern’s riding crop.

The little slob’s symbol of authority.

And it is filled

with the biggest diamonds

you have ever seen. Look at this.

Diamonds, of course.

High muckety-muck in charge of looting.

Stashes away a fortune for himself.

If we give it to him, maybe he’ll drop the whole thing.

DANNY: You’ve gotta be kidding.

We give him this,

it’ll just make it time to fill those four graves.

Yeah, well, we gotta do something.

Before Von Stern starts his inquisition again.

Yes. Well, during my travels,

I inspected that tank up there.

The one with the cannon and the machine gun.

Blast out of here in broad daylight?

It’s suicide.

It’s suicide to stay here.

Besides, I want to see Von Stern’s face

when we bust out on him a second time.

[ALL LAUGH]

GINNY: Don’t you see? It all fits.

He’s an electronics expert.

Ginny, where can it be?

Amber, maybe we’re wrong.

Just because Stanton has degrees in electronics--

Even if they did steal their own broach,

for whatever reason.

--why would they throw a formal party

when the broach is bound to be discovered missing?

Ginny, don’t you see?

The party makes everything fit.

When the safe is opened in front of witnesses

and the broach is gone,

they’ll have an ironclad claim for the insurance money.

Now I just know that that broach is in here somewhere.

[KEYS JINGLING]

[DOORKNOB RATTLES]

[♪♪]

[SHOWER RUNNING]

[♪♪]

[DOG BARKS]

GUARD: Out!

Out!

[GUNFIRE]

[SIREN WAILING]

GUARD: Out! Out!

Out!

Out!

[GUNFIRE]

Hold on, here we go!

[GUNFIRE]

We’ve got it, baby!

All right, boys. About time we did it.

Yeah!

LIZ: What we’re gonna do next

is get in touch with our animal instincts.

Now once you’ve made contact, start to become that animal.

Just let go of all your inhibitions.

Just concentrate.

LIZ: Feel it. That’s it.

That’s it. Now you’re starting to do it.

Now you’re starting to feel it. That’s marvelous.

They’ll be opening the safe in about five minutes.

I’ve gotta be there to pick up your broach.

[WOMEN MAKING ANIMAL SOUNDS]

[MEOWS]

Fire!

Fire! Fire!

What’s on fire? Your bungalow!

What?

I hope these smoke bombs fool Stanton.

I’ll see if he’s coming.

He’s coming, all right.

[COUGHING]

Oh, please, make it work.

[COUGHING]

[♪♪]

All right! Freeze!

[GRUNTS]

Let’s go, girls.

Whoa!

Joyce!

Get out of here! Go!

Very good, ladies.

Should I bring the lifeguard?

Let him soak for a while.

Yeah. Diamonds don’t rust, do they?

I don’t think so.

Well, Tattoo, how did we do?

Very well. Just like Angels.

[SIGHS]

Great.

[HAWAIIAN MUSIC PLAYING]

Well, we got rather more than we bargained for.

Oh, delighted. Thank you so much.

Mr. Hodges, Goodbye, Tattoo.

Goodbye. Goodbye, goodbye.

Thank you.

Well...

I...I sincerely regret you cannot keep the diamonds.

But they are being returned to the Milereaux family,

from whom they were looted.

No sorrier than I am.

Uh, perhaps there is something to cheer you up.

The Milereaux family has asked me

to give you this in appreciation.

A hundred-thousand-dollar finder’s fee.

A hundred, hey...

Hey, they’re okay folks.

That’s exactly what I needed for my deal.

Plus, Fifi.

You know, this is one fantasy that’s been really fulfilling.

Ah.

Tell me, Monsieur Roarke,

what ever happened to Von Stern?

Well, the colonel may have come to my island unannounced.

But I assure you, that’s not the way he’s leaving.

No, he is being returned to Germany,

where he will face trial.

All right. Thanks again.

You’re very welcome, Mr. Ryan.

Great pleasure. Goodbye.

Fifi. Au revoir.

Au revoir. See you.

Hello, thank you.

Hello, Mr. Roarke. Tattoo.

And here are our three angels.

[GIGGLES]

Well, how did you enjoy your fantasy?

More than we ever expected, Mr. Roarke.

Oh, I’m delighted.

There for a while, it looked as if these angels

were about to get their wings singed.

[LAUGHS]

But the important thing is

we accomplished what we set out to do.

Yes. And the question is...

what now, ladies?

We thought about applying for police cadet training,

to become real police officers.

Oh. And?

No way. We’re going back to being secretaries.

All the gorgeous clothes the Angels wear

and the glamorous places they go,

that’s on television I guess.

I guess.

You see, the last time I talked to the Angels,

their fantasy was to be secretaries.

[LAUGHS]

Well, it was nice meeting you, Mr. Roarke.

Thank you very much.

Nice working with you, Bosley.

Lovely... Thank you so much.

Lovely having you. It was wonderful.

Bye. Goodbye.

Boss? Yes?

Did you really speak to the Angels?

Oh, all the time, Tattoo. All the time.

Oh, but tell me, how did your fantasy go?

Not very good, boss.

And why not, pray tell?

Well, no time.

All that touching and feeling,

I was just getting the hang of it.

Tattoo, you were supposed to be playing detective.

Well, that brings another problem.

What’s that?

When I was playing detective,

they stole my computer.

[LAUGHS]

I’m sorry, but--

[♪♪]

[♪♪]