Original subtitles

[♪♪]

[BELL CLANGS]

The plane! The plane!

[GIGGLES]

Good morning, boss. Good morning, Tattoo.

Do I dare ask what that is under your arm?

They are my new samples

for my new business.

I’m gonna sell it to a big company and make

a lot of money. Not encyclopedias again?

Oh, no, boss. Oh.

Greeting cards. You wanna see some?

"Congratulations on your divorce.

Next time look before you leap."

Read some more, boss.

"Condolences on your fortieth birthday.

Is your insurance paid up?"

Tattoo, greeting cards

are supposed to reflect love and sentiment.

I know that, boss,

that’s why I’m gonna make a lot of money.

Because mine are different.

Of that there is no doubt.

Come, let’s meet our guests.

[♪♪]

[GIGGLES]

Smiles, everyone. Smiles.

[HAWAIIAN MUSIC BEING PLAYED]

Miss Cindy Barker,

a librarian from Beaver Falls, Pennsylvania.

What’s her fantasy?

One shared by millions of women the world over, Tattoo.

She wants to meet the man of her dreams,

fall madly in love and get married.

TATTOO: Uh, but wait a minute, isn’t that, uh,

the same Miss Barker who already paid us some money

for a wedding reception on Sunday?

She is indeed.

But how can she plan

on a wedding reception

when she don’t even know her husband?

Well, precisely why Miss Barker has come to us, Tattoo.

She’s asked that we help her find the right man this weekend

so she can be married to him

before her invited guests arrive on Sunday.

Mr. Jordan Montgomery.

A tool and die maker from Canoga Park, California.

He looks like a nice guy.

What’s his fantasy?

Ah, one of pulse bounding excitement,

thrills, even danger.

He wants to experience the glamorous elite circles

of the very rich.

Much like his favorite movie characters did,

like David Niven in Raffles

or Cary Grant in To Catch A Thief.

But, uh, both men were cat burglars,

jewel thieves.

Precisely what Mr. Montgomery

will be this weekend.

My dear guests,

I am Mr. Roarke, your host.

Welcome to Fantasy Island.

[♪♪]

[♪♪]

Well, Mr. Montgomery, here you are.

This is mighty rich, Mr. Roarke.

You really think I’ll fit in? Oh, of course.

The guests are arriving for the annual

Fantasy Island charity ball tonight,

and you are expected.

No kidding. Oh, yes, yes.

All that you have to do is, uh, to sip champagne,

watch girls and case the place.

Yes, yes. Uh, however, first I must admonish you.

In a fantasy as potentially bizarre

as yours, it must be

understood that any item taken

is only exotically borrowed,

and you are responsible for its safe return.

Now, is that clear?

Of course, it’s no problem.

[CHUCKLES] I mean, I could be a real burglar anywhere.

Where else could I be the dashing English jewel thief

for a weekend, without leading a double life

or risking 20 years in prison.

That’s very good. Very good.

You have an unusual understanding

of a purpose we try to serve.

Well, enjoy yourself.

Um, look around,

and, uh, we’ll see you again this evening.

Tattoo.

[♪♪]

Is Mr. Roarke in?

He’s waiting for you, Miss Barker.

Oh, my dear Miss Barker, please come in.

Do have a seat, won’t you?

You know, I feel so foolish, just-- Just coming here.

Oh, Miss Barker, we’re here to help you.

In fact, we’ve already taken certain steps

to fulfill your fantasy.

But your letter didn’t fully explain

your present problem.

Well, it’s-- It’s very simple really.

I’ve been going with a man for three years,

and 18 months ago he-- He finally proposed.

Oh.

Since then he’s changed the wedding date three times.

And each time he postponed it for a different reason.

Sometimes for business, sometimes...

well, he’d always have a reason.

He’d get sick or something.

You mean, he’d chicken out.

I guess so.

Mr. Roarke, I’m just--

I’m just a normal girl,

and I want what every normal girl wants.

To get married.

[SCOFFS]

I know this sounds corny and old fashioned, but I--

I even-- I even have a hope chest,

and, um, before the termites take over or--

Or my beautiful linens turn yellow, I...

I want a husband.

By Sunday.

Can you do it?

Mr. Roarke can do anything.

Have faith, Miss Barker. Have faith.

This is Fantasy Island.

[♪♪]

ROARKE: Take a good look, Tattoo.

We are witnessing the exquisite

mystery of mutual attractions,

and the results of careful advanced planning.

Your computer matching of a gentleman

was a good piece of work.

Uh-oh.

He looks mad. Who is he?

Miss Barker’s former fiancée,

the gentleman who so studiously avoided marrying her.

What is he mad at?

I suspect he intended

to have his cake and eat it too.

It’s a little too late for that.

[♪♪]

Cindy. Eddie.

What are you doing here?

What did you expect me to do after I read that

"Dear John" letter that you left behind.

Speaking of left behind,

who left who standing in the church?

I would’ve explained that,

if you hadn’t flown off on this tangent.

I was sick, honey. I wa-- I was really sick.

I am tired of hearing your excuses.

I want you to listen to my point of view for a change.

I’m 28 years old, Eddie, and I’m not getting any younger,

and I want some real things in my life.

I know that.

I just explained how none of that’s my fault.

Well, in case there is still any doubt,

let me tell you how I felt.

Humiliated and degraded and-- And a fool because I spent

every dime I had for a reception here,

so that we could get started out right.

And stupid because I always let you explain everything away,

including your psychosomatic sneezing every time anybody

mentions the word-- Ah-ah, don’t say it, don’t.

Marriage. Oh!

[SNEEZES]

Ah, Cindy. Cindy.

Can’t we sit down and talk this thing out?

Look, you-- You can’t solve our problem by hiring

gigolos like those characters over there.

Hiring them?

You actually don’t believe

any man could care about me to mar--

Uh-uh.

Marry me. [SNEEZES]

Let me tell you something else, Eddie.

I am not gonna have to watch my language anymore,

because I’m not gonna have you to worry about any longer.

Ah, Cindy.

Cin-- Cin...

[♪♪]

[JAZZY DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]

ROARKE: The Duke and Duchess of Charleston.

It is said one can meet her every day

for a month and never see the same jewels twice.

Princess Okuna.

Legend has it

the jewelry came from King Solomon’s Mines.

Intriguing.

JORDAN: But perhaps just a legend.

JORDAN: There.

That’s the one, Mr. Roarke.

Eye of Argus.

One of the world’s truly great pieces.

Brilliant, perfectly matched blue white diamonds.

Oh, I’ve never seen anything more beautiful.

And the necklace, not bad either, hmm?

Who is she?

Miss Leslie Tarlton, New York City.

We do not know a great deal

about the lady,

except that she travels in the wealthiest

social circles.

If you would like, I could keep it safe for you.

You get the necklace when we make the exchange,

and not a moment before.

If you’d excuse me a moment--

Circumstances force me to have to deal with you.

LESLIE: It’s strictly business.

It’s my game, Leslie, and we play by my rules.

I say, Leslie.

Oh, you do look perfectly charming.

Forgive me for being late.

You don’t mind, old boy.

I’ll be on my boat tomorrow.

Don’t be late.

I appreciate the rescue, but I--

Don’t remember me.

I’m not surprised. That’s because we’ve never met.

My name is Jordan.

Jordan Montgomery. And you?

Leslie Tarlton.

Who’s the dude with her?

I don’t know.

Find out and keep an eye on the two of them.

That is a stunning, perfectly beautiful necklace.

I should take good care of it if I were you.

Oh, please excuse me.

I don’t mean to be rude, but I feel very tired.

Oh, well, I’ll take you to your room.

No, that won’t be necessary.

Look, at least let me get you a fresh cocktail.

Who knows when we’ll meet again.

Don’t leave.

Sleep soundly, Leslie.

You won’t know, but we have a rendezvous tonight.

[♪♪]

[DISCO MUSIC PLAYING]

Wally.

Never danced like that with me.

Who? Huh, Cindy.

My fiancée. The woman I love.

She never dressed like that, either.

You know something, Wally?

She’s gonna get tired of all this and she’s gonna

beg me to take her back.

You just wait and see.

WALLY: Yeah, anyone with 20-20

can see she’s having a lousy time.

[LAUGHS] You-- You-- Ooh.

[GASPS] Oh, I’m-- I’m sorry.

I’m sorry. Hey, listen, can I buy you another drink?

You did that on purpose, you chauvinist.

No. I didn’t. I-- I swear, I-I--

I like to be friendly. Exactly.

Looking for an easy pickup?

No.

Oh, you men. You’re all alike.

Hey, what did I do?

A bunch of animals.

All you’re interested in is our bodies.

Never our minds.

Wa-- No-- Ho...

EDDIE: Animals.

All we want is her body.

[CHUCKLES]

[LAUGHS]

Hey, lady.

Lady. Thanks.

For a great idea.

[DISCO MUSIC CONTINUES]

Hey, friend.

I have a very valuable piece of information for you

about that young lady.

You know what that guy said?

Our little girl is for hire.

A bimbo.

[♪♪]

[GRUNTS]

[DOOR OPENING]

[EXHALES] [DOOR CLOSES]

[♪♪]

[MOANS]

[BEEPING]

[LOUD, SUSTAINED BEEP]

[SOUND WAVE CHANGING]

[BEEPING]

[BEEPING STOPS]

[♪♪]

[PHONE RINGS]

Hello?

Oh, no, I’m sorry, but you have the wrong room.

[♪♪]

Cindy.

I was starting to feel like "Typhoid Annie" in there.

Why’d everybody suddenly dump me?

Well, Cindy, it takes getting used to...

Getting used to?

I thought it over. It doesn’t make any difference.

Uh, your place or mine?

Will you run that by me again?

Champagne, soft music, you wear something sexy,

something I can see through and then,

Marty and Cindy go beddy-bye, huh?

We’ll talk about price later, okay?

What has gotten into you, Marty? Now, come on.

Stop it! Oh, what the hell.

I still might even marry you anyway.

I’ll flip you for her, Marty. Flip? For me?

Look, it may sound a little kinky,

but if you’ll dress up in a cheerleaders outfit,

I’ll pay double what he offered. Will you let go of me?

I mean it, creep, let go of me.

I like a spirited Philly. [LAUGHS]

[♪♪]

Was it something we said?

It might hurt now, Cindy, but it’s the best thing for you.

Honest.

I love you.

JORDAN: It was an absolute ball, Mr. Roarke.

A fantastic high, like...like, um...

I don’t know how to tell you.

Well, I am most pleased. There’s just one thing.

Yes? Um...

I don’t want you to think I’m being critical,

but it was almost too easy.

It went off like a piece of cake.

Well, perhaps a tribute to your skill, huh?

Mr. Roarke.

Mr. Roarke. Yes?

My necklace, it’s been stolen.

Leslie.

Leslie, I wouldn’t be too upset.

Now, if you’ll come with me,

to my room? Your room? Why?

Trust me.

Go on, Miss Tarlton. Everything will be all right.

Trust me.

[♪♪]

After the thief came in through your window,

you received a phone call.

It was a wrong number.

You went back to sleep,

this morning you found a rose on your pillow.

You were the thief.

Leslie, I’m not a thief, but I did take your necklace.

Don’t know the difference.

Well, the difference is motive.

I came here to fulfill a fantasy.

To be a society cat burglar.

To pull off a slick jewel robbery.

And I had to be your first victim.

Leslie, I am sorry.

It’ll all be over in a minute.

You’ll get your necklace back. I guarantee you.

[♪♪]

Oh, no.

It’s gone.

I had it taped to the back of that drawer.

What are you saying?

I’m saying I’ve been robbed.

Do you know what you’ve done?

That necklace wasn’t even mine.

Not yours?

No, I-- I stole it myself.

Not really, but I’m going to go to jail for it just the same.

[♪♪]

Miss Tarlton,

what exactly do you mean that you stole the necklace?

I’m as phony as he is.

You see, I’m not one of the so-called beautiful people.

I work for a living.

I work for Chesler’s of New York.

The fashionable jewelry house.

LESLIE: That’s right.

You see, I’m sort of a high class sales woman.

I go to where the rich are.

I kind of model our jewelry

and if someone sees something they like I’ll sell it to them.

About a month ago we bought the Eye of Argus

at a private auction

and put it on the market.

Oh, well, then the necklace is insured.

No.

I borrowed it for this weekend

and I didn’t tell my boss.

Well, you-- You borrowed a million-dollar necklace?

Why?

To keep my little brother out of jail.

You see, it’s all because of a man by the name of Carl Decker.

He’s a professional blackmailer.

He’s got hooks into a dozen people

at the charity ball.

Terry, my brother,

he got himself into a little bit of a mix up.

They charged him with embezzlement.

But there was written proof that he was innocent.

Well, somehow Decker got his hands on that proof.

He came to see me a week ago,

and he offered to trade the proof for the Eye of Argus.

I produce the necklace, or my brother went to jail.

I understand.

And, um, you accepted his proposition.

Not exactly.

Once he produced the proof,

I was going to use this

to get the necklace back

and have it in the shop by Monday morning.

A desperate plan, Miss Tarlton, but not very inspired.

Well, it’s not like I do a lot of this sort of thing.

I’m sorry.

[♪♪]

WEBSTER: Psst. Mr. Roarke.

Mr. Roarke!

Mr. Roarke.

Oh, Mr. Webster. What are you doing down there?

I’m hiding.

But I just wanted to tell you what a wonderful time

I’m having with my fantasy.

Oh, we are so pleased.

Imagine me,

Harry Donald Webster,

a postal clerk from Woodland Hills, California,

being the one and only Judge of the First International

Beauty Contest, with a prize of $50,000.

WOMAN: Where’d he go?

[YELLING]

Where is he?

Where is he? I gotta go, Mr. Roarke.

Mr. Webster, if we can give you any help...

Help?

Who needs help?

The semifinals aren’t until tomorrow.

Paradise. WOMAN: There he is.

[♪♪]

[SCREAMING]

Boss, that’s my kind of fantasy.

[CHUCKLES]

[CAR HORN HONKING]

[TIRES SCREECH]

Look at this, boss.

A new book on traffic safety.

Really?

I might suggest that you read it very carefully.

But I already did.

From cover to cover.

Mr. Roarke, I want my money back.

Oh, calm down, Miss Barker. Please join us. Please.

Um, coffee?

Yes, thanks.

Now, exactly why do you insist on a refund?

I wanna get married, but I’m not crazy.

Maybe on a liberated scale of 10 I’m only a 4,

but Mr. Roarke, the men that you’ve been matching me with,

they’re acting like, like oversexed maniacs.

Uh, for that I apologize, Miss Barker.

But there was a good reason

why your admirers so suddenly changed.

I am reliably informed that someone spread a rather

dastardly rumor about you.

The word is out that, uh, you are a...a hooker.

What? Me a--? Indeed. Those, uh,

men were totally convinced that you were a...

shall we say, uh, a lady of easy virtue.

Who would tell a lie like that?

Well, ask yourself this question.

Who would most like to see you leave this island?

Why, Eddie, but--

Oh, no, Mr. Roarke,

he would never do that.

In his own way he loves me.

Precisely.

But how better to eliminate the competition?

Why that dirty, no good, rotten dog in a manger, bum.

I mean, how could he do that to me?

Rest assured, Miss Barker, no harm has been done.

The other gentlemen in question are now aware

of the terrible hoax perpetrated both on you and them.

I’m sure if you want to go through with your fantasy,

you can still be married to one of them before the reception.

But first things first, Mr. Roarke.

Right now, all I want is revenge, not love.

Are you really positive of that, Miss Barker?

You bet I am. I wanna make him pay.

You mean, you wanna make him squirm.

I wanna make him suffer. Ooh!

I see.

Well, perhaps we should teach Eddie a lesson.

And after all, he did make fools of the other suitors too.

Um...Tattoo,

alert the gentlemen that, uh, we might need their help

on a mission of vengeance.

[♪♪]

[♪♪]

May I ask where you’re going, Conlin?

Yes. I’m going to pick up my girl,

and I’m going to put this island behind us.

Uh, Mr. Conlin. Uh, Mr. Conlin.

May I ask your help? Of course.

Something frightful has happened to Cindy.

Is she hurt?

Deeply. Psychologically.

Uh, she said to me,

"If I have the name,

I may as well play the game."

Now, I don’t know what she meant,

but then she...

Oh, it’s too painful to talk about.

You must see for yourself.

Please come. Yeah, yeah.

[♪♪]

You need more makeup.

I’ve got two inches of the junk on now.

Can you show a little more legs?

I can, but I won’t.

Everybody got it straight?

I’ll be the pimp. Why you?

Oh, I wanna be the pimp. I can do it better.

Besides that, the hat fits me.

Here they come.

Here. Here’s the gum. Yeah.

Make it good, kid. We’re all behind you.

Come on. Come on. Good luck.

Mr. Roarke, that girl looks like Ci--

Hi, sailor.

Naw, it couldn’t be.

Oh, but I’m afraid it is, Mr. Conlin.

Well, what’s she doing here?

Why is she looking like that?

This is the first fantasy I’ve ever had that went sour.

Well, it’s a mixture of the island, the sea, the moonlight.

But the worst part is my own mistake.

How could I have been so wrong about those...

gentlemen?

Scandalous.

It seems they are nothing more than animals

out to exploit the lady.

Oh, I’m furious with them.

[♪♪]

For me.

What have I done?

All right. If I can keep this up,

I won’t need social security.

This may ruin the reputation of Fantasy Island.

What’s happening?

He’s really squirming, isn’t he?

Yeah.

Oh, this is tragic.

We’ve gotta save her.

It’s too late now.

Three at a time?

Patience, Mr. Conlin.

We must choose the precise moment to confront your fiancée

with the sordidness of her deeds.

He’s really suffering.

[♪♪]

Howdy, Cindy.

Hi, Cindy. Hello, gorgeous.

See you later. We’ve got a lot to talk about.

Ah...

Uh, Mr. Roarke.

Okay, boys. We take it from here.

Watch your head.

And now for the sound effects.

MAN: More champagne, Cindy? CINDY: And why not?

My nose couldn’t be anymore tickly than it is already.

[LAUGHTER] MAN: No more for me.

I’m smashed out my gourd.

CINDY: What’s a matter? What?

MAN: Well, you. You look so funny standing there

drinking champagne with no clothes on.

[LAUGHTER]

Tsk, tsk, tsk. CINDY: No funnier than you,

and a lot less ticklish.

I got you.

[LAUGHTER] MAN: I’m next.

Do it for me. CINDY: Come on. You love it.

I got you again.

MAN: Oh, what a picture...

This is it, Mr. Roarke.

[♪♪]

Where are they? Huh?

Ah-ha!

Huh, where are they?

Hey.

Where did you come from? Paris.

No, I saw them come in.

Where’d they go? To the fire escape.

I don’t understand.

Miss Barker will be happy to explain.

Come, Tattoo.

Oh.

Oh, I get it.

This has all been a put on, huh?

You’ve been making a fool of me.

Turn about is fair play, Eddie.

After all the years that you were making a fool out of me.

Oh, now, Cindy. Cindy, wait a minute.

There’s more I have to-- Cindy.

Cindy, now come back! Cindy!

I-- Maybe there’s hope.

Cindy, there’s more I have to say!

I...Cindy!

Aw, Cindy, listen to me.

More explanations. No, no.

The only reason I pulled that trick is because,

I was afraid I’d lose you.

Oh, ha. Oh, no, it’s true.

When I thought you really had become a--

Well, I-I knew that whatever you were,

I couldn’t lose you because I love you.

I can’t live without you. I wanna marry you.

[♪♪]

[SNEEZES]

Bless you. Thank you.

Look, I really mean it. I-- I wanna marry you.

I wanna marry you this afternoon if it’s okay.

Please. It’s okay.

As long as this time you came to me.

Oh.

[♪♪]

Leslie.

I really am sorry.

Thank you for meeting me here this morning.

Okay.

I guess we were both playing a little bit above our heads.

Maybe we were.

That’s the first smart thing I’ve done since I came here.

Even Cary Grant would approve.

Ah, I’m not so sure he’d approve of your timing.

There may never be a better time.

You and I are gonna steal back that necklace.

Maybe it’s too dangerous.

Look, Mr. Roarke told me the necklace

is aboard Decker’s yacht.

If what I have in mind works,

you’ll keep them distracted while I get aboard.

Come on.

[♪♪]

That is funny, it really--

It looks like fun.

[CHUCKLES] You’d break your neck.

[♪♪]

There’s something familiar about her.

I think that’s the Tarlton girl.

Get my binoculars.

It is her.

[BEEPING]

What’s she doing out here?

Oh, you worked before.

[BEEPS]

That’s better.

Keep an eye on her.

Come on, honey.

Blackmail file.

I don’t wanna take a nap in my cabin.

I’m not sleepy.

[♪♪]

Come on!

[SCREAMS] My, God!

Stop him. Come on.

[♪♪]

Well, don’t stand there! After him! Jump!

[HAWAIIAN MUSIC PLAYS]

I am delighted everything turned out so well.

Thanks to my friend, the former cat burglar.

My first and last caper.

Tell me about Decker.

When you returned his blackmail files to his victims,

you wiped out his income.

You see, that kind of person, when he don’t have an income,

they have a lot of dangerous enemies.

Rest assured, you will have no more worries from him.

Well, goodbye, Mr. Roarke.

Thanks for everything.

Not at all. Thank you.

Goodbye, Miss Tarlton.

Goodbye.

Well, boss, another satisfied customer.

Uh, since he apparently won Miss Tarlton,

it seems that crime paid beautifully in this case.

I can’t thank you both enough. It’s been terrific.

Thank you so much, Mr. Roarke.

You’re very welcome, Miss. Bye, Tattoo.

It was a beautiful wedding.

Uh, how is your allergy, Mr. Conlin?

Uh, marry, married, marriage, marrying, matrimony. How’s that?

[SNEEZES]

[LAUGHTER]

[LAUGHS]

Thanks for everything. Goodbye.

Goodbye. Goodbye, Tattoo.

Bye, bye. Bye.

Well, Tattoo, how goes your, um, greeting card efforts?

Not very good, boss.

Well, then I know why.

The company you were trying to sell them to

thought they were too negative, right?

That’s right, but, uh, they ordered some more samples.

You want to see one?

"Dear Graduate,

congratulations on your graduation."

Now, that’s better.

"Too bad they had to burn the school down."

Don’t you love it?

[♪♪]

[♪♪]