Original subtitles

Previously on Georgie and Mandy's First Marriage.

Fred, would you like to have dinner with me? I would love to. As long as this

Fakenbunker thing is going on, I ain't got nothing to say to you.

I can live with that.

How about this?

Troy Aikman, Dallas Cowboys cheerleader, and a footballer. Oh, yeah, that could

be fun.

What are y'all talking about?

Clearly, they're trying to keep their marriage spicy.

We're trying to come up with a family Halloween costume.

Oh, Cece would be such a cute football.

I know, and this might be the last year that we get to pick before she starts

having her own ideas.

I remember when Connor was five, I wanted him to go as Pete Rose.

He wanted to go as Pants.

As what?

You heard me.

Pants.

I got it. Dress at park.

I'll be Jeff Goldblum, you'll be the hot blonde lady, and Cece can be the T-Rex.

Hey, that hot blonde lady has a name.

What is it?

Just because I don't know it doesn't mean she doesn't have one.

You think Mary can make a T-Rex costume?

As long as my mom's dating Fakenbacher, I ain't asking her for nothing.

Can't you make it?

Not all girls know how to sew, Georgie.

Well, I think girls can do anything, but I guess I'm a feminist.

I'll make it for you.

Are you sure? Sounds pretty complicated.

Don't listen to him, you... girl?

So, any Halloween plans?

Well, Missy's going to a party, and Georgie won't let me trick-or-treat with

you. Well, of course you can. Just wear a mask, carry an accordion, and I'll

tell everyone you're Connor.

That's fine. I'll just be here by myself.

So, uh, no friends or coming over?

Fred is out of town, if that's what you're asking.

Well, I could have met any friend, like Pastor Jeff or... or Jesus.

Jesus will be here. Pass now candy and Bible verses with me.

Okay, I don't want to tell you what to do, but it better be good candy.

Bye. Where are you going?

To the mall with Heather. We're getting stuff for our costumes.

Okay, but you know the rules.

No demons, no killers, no cleavage.

And if you were going to be a ghost, it better be the Holy One.

So when are you going to ask? Me and my friends are going to be the Spice Girls.

That sounds cute.

So everyone's a different spice?

Exactly. I'm Ginger.

That's a good one. Very seasonal.

That's why I chose it. Gotta go.

Well, speaking of costumes, what are you going as?

A dinosaur.

Yeah, we're doing a little Jurassic Park thing.

Oh, that'll be fun to make. I better get started.

Oh, um, actually, my mom is gonna make it this year.

Really? Yeah, she wanted to, and... Georgie... Is punishing me.

Yeah.

Your mother must be loving this.

She just wants to help.

Help Georgie punish me? Yeah.

Damn it!

Problem? Oh, everything's fine.

So that was a damn it of victory?

I'm figuring it out.

I still have a couple more days.

My costume should be easy. I'm going as Phantom of the Opera.

Or you could be a grown-up.

Phantom is a grown-up. Kids don't go to the opera.

Please tell me you're not trick-or-treating.

Don't be ridiculous.

I'm gonna sit on the front porch with my keyboard and terrify the children

musically.

This is so frustrating.

Let's see what you got.

Hey, that's pretty good.

Really? Yeah.

There's the head, and then you got that, you know, circle thing on the chest, and

then triangles.

You really know your shapes, Dad. Good job.

It's terrible.

I'm gonna have to go back to the fabric store and start all over.

You can always tell people Cece made the costume herself.

Do you think that's helpful?

No, I thought it was funny.

Honey, you're overthinking this, okay? She's three.

You could dress her in a garbage bag, and she'd be happy.

I sure was the year I went as a garbage bag.

So, you gonna come trick-or-treating with us tonight?

You mean do I want to walk around with a kid who's having a meltdown because of

an itchy costume and a sugar high?

We ain't gonna let her have that much candy. I was talking about you.

Sorry I'm late.

Hey, what you got there?

Picked up some horror movies for tonight.

Ooh, scary movies on Halloween.

Someone's got a date.

Is it that Sophia girl?

Oh, they broke up a few weeks ago.

Is it... What's her name? The dental hygienist?

No, he lied to her about flossing, so she couldn't trust him anymore.

You guys know way too much about my life.

Excuse us for Karen.

Karen. Her name was Karen.

So what'd you get?

Friday the 13th. What's wrong with that?

The girls who have sex in that movie are the ones that get killed, not the

message you want to send.

What else you got?

Dawn of the Dead.

Zombies? Their skin's falling off. They're eating people. If she's turned

on by that, get out.

What about child's play?

Do yourself a favor. Go back and rent a vampire movie. Everybody knows they're

the sexiest monsters.

Everybody knows that.

I'm sorry. What do you think the sexiest monster is?

I don't know.

Creature from the Black Lagoon, lives underwater, watch girls swim.

That is not okay. What is wrong with you?

Okay, Mom, which is spookier?

One... or two?

Those sound the same.

One's a pipe organ and one's a church organ. Are you even listening?

Connor, I'm trying to get this ready for tonight.

What do you think?

Looks much better.

It does, doesn't it?

Took a couple of do-overs, but I stuck with it.

I hope that's a lesson to you.

Don't volunteer to do something I can't do. Got it.

Oh, yeah, that's the one.

Mary? Don't worry, I'm not staying. I just want to drop something off for

Cece. That is so sweet.

I'm so sorry she isn't here.

I would have loved for you to have seen her in her costume, which I made.

Well, isn't that precious?

It was challenging, but Cece's worth it.

Well, I guess there was no reason for me to bring this by.

You made her a costume?

Would you get...

I made it just in case.

Just in case what? Mine was terrible?

But it's not.

It is perfectly fine.

It is perfectly fine.

That is what I said.

You know, this is petty, even for you.

I have always made Cece's costumes, and you stole it from me.

Twice isn't always.

It is when you're three.

It's not my fault your son doesn't want you around.

I am just trying to give my granddaughter a great Halloween.

Well, if all you care about is Cece, then you should want her to wear

whichever costume is best.

Hmm. Which one is that?

Get out of my house.

Gladly. I'm just gonna leave this right here for Cece.

Damn, that's well made.

Mom, why would you throw this away? It's amazing.

Ew, you owe an apology. I didn't think you could pull this off.

Mary made that to spite me.

You know, now that I look at it closer... Oh, stop it.

Well, she wasted her time because I want Cece to wear your costume.

Really? Yeah, of course. Where is it?

Dang, that's incredible.

No, no, no.

No. No, it's not. What are you talking about? It's like the best costume I've

ever seen.

Your mom made this one?

You know, now that I look at it... No, I already tried that.

Don't worry. Cece ain't wearing that. She's wearing yours.

No. I don't want her to wear mine.

I'm sure it's great. Go get it.

I don't want to.

Mom, come on. Amanda, I said no.

Cece can wear this one because it's her Halloween.

Mary may be the better sewer, but I'm the better person.

Dang, I feel terrible.

Me too.

This costume is amazing.

I know. We're going to take so many pictures.

Costume. Why are you wearing a coat?

It's my costume. See, it's the color of ginger.

Melissa Cooper, what are you hiding under there?

Nothing. Give it to me.

Absolutely not.

It's not that short.

You look like a British stripper.

She's a singer, and she's super popular.

I bet she is.

You are not.

I don't like that.

I have to. It's a group costume. There's five Spice Girls.

Well, tonight there can be four Spice Girls and their decent friend with self

-respect.

Fine. I'll change.

Maybe I'll go with this girl whose psycho mom is trying to control her

life. Great. Sounds like a costume with pants.

Take some candy.

If you dare.

You are not scary.

Really? That chord is an augmented fourth, better known as the devil's

interval.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! One piece, one piece!

Didn't even say trick-or-treat.

Dinosaur! Oh, look at that little dinosaur!

That is just the cutest costume I've ever seen.

I like that costume.

Her nana did.

You're lucky you have such a talented nana.

Thank you, honey.

Wow! That is the best color. We know!

What are you doing here?

Forgot my wallet. What are you doing here? Wait.

Is your date here?

Is she in the bathroom? Because I think that's where I left my wallet.

No, no one's here.

Oh, she stands you up?

That's sad.

There's no date.

There was never a date.

Abuela's got a guy over, so I'm watching movies by myself.

That's even sadder.

Thank you. That helps.

All right, well, I'll grab my wallet and get out of your... I was gonna say hair,

but you're having a tough night.

I'm fine.

You know, I could pick up a six-pack, hang out, maybe order some pizza.

You really want to do that?

Well, my wife's upset about some dumb costume and my son's sitting on the

porch wearing a cape. I really, really want to do that.

Sounds good. All right.

You order the pizza, I'll be right back with the beer.

Forgot my wallet again.

What are you doing?

Do not play dumb with me.

We got egged.

Do people think Sheldon still lives here?

I know you were mad about your costume, but that is no excuse.

I didn't do this.

Well, then who did?

I don't know. Did you hand out Bible verses again?

Okay, that is it. You are grounded. Get inside.

Fine. Actually, no. I am going inside. You clean this mess up.

Answered! That eggs you!

Well, that was dumb. It's a dog with a knife.

Sorry it's not a black-and-white movie about an underwater pervert.

He wasn't a pervert, and they were in his lagoon.

Thanks for sticking around.

No problem.

You don't think Halloween's gonna be one of those holidays that make you feel bad

about being single?

But everywhere you look, it's happy families.

You did not look at my house.

I just always thought at this point in my life I'd have kids to take trick-or

-treating in.

Not even close.

Oh, you got plenty of time.

You know, Clint Eastwood's having a baby in his 60s, which sounds terrible, but

you can do it.

I don't know.

The girls that like me I don't like, and the girls I like are crazier than that

doll with a knife.

Hey, just keep looking. You'll find someone.

Easy for you to say.

I'm serious.

Women just want a good guy with a steady job who's smart and kind.

That's you.

Thanks. I mean it.

You'll be a great dad someday.

Gotta say, you're better at this than I thought you'd be.

I have a teenage daughter. I know how to talk to drama queens about their love

life.

That's more like it.

At least I don't have to pretend your new bangs look great.

Well, she cried a lot. She's asleep.

Your mom or Cece?

Cece. I think my mom is taking one of her wine baths.

Are we terrible parents if we eat this candy?

Are you kidding me? We carried her for 20 blocks. Get in there and find me a

Snickers.

A little light for trick-or-treaters. That's probably some teenager not even

in a costume.

Nailed it.

I cannot deal with Mom right now.

What'd she do?

She saw my costume and freaked out. And then we got into a huge fight, and she

accused me of egging the house.

You egged the house?

No. It's okay. We've all thought about it.

I didn't do it.

Didn't do what?

Mary thinks Missy egged their house.

Which I didn't, and no one believes me.

Well, I believe you.

Why?

Because I don't think Missy would lie to me.

Why?

Can I stay here?

I don't know if that's a good idea.

Yeah, if you don't go home, your mom's gonna go ballistic.

Of course you can stay here as long as you want.

Mom.

What? We can't let her go home to that woman.

Fine, but someone should call my mom and let her know Missy's here. I'd be happy

to call her. Not you!

totally ignored me, and spent the whole night talking to Heather.

Look, I know you're upset, but take my word for it, do not get bangs.

Missy, grab your backpack. I'll take you to school.

I don't think I can go to school. I had such a rough night. Nice try.

Oh, my God. Last night was crazy. Sorry, I'm tapped out.

I am here for my daughter.

She left for school.

You took my son, my granddaughter, and now Missy? Is there anything else you

want to take from me?

I didn't take anything from you.

Missy is free to leave whenever she wants.

I don't care what she wants. She is coming home tonight.

Well, you can take her, but can you keep her? She seems a whole lot happier here.

You know what?

You want her?

She's yours.

Great. Congratulations.

Enjoy having a teenage daughter.

So, I have some news.

Where are all the eggs?

Missy, other people need the bathroom.

Is she still in there?

Yeah, and I gotta get to work.

Is there anybody in Mom and Dad's shower?

I don't think so.

Dibs!

What are you doing?

Missy's hogging the shower.

I can use dish soap, right?

It ain't gonna burn any sensitive areas.

So this is how we live now.

It's fine, Jim. We are winning.