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(Транскрибировано с помощью TurboScribe. Обновить до Неограниченного, чтобы убрать это сообщение.) What's in the bag? You can't take clothes.

Toothbrush. And my best man speech.

They gave best man to someone else, mate.

I wrote it before all this. I'm not binning it.

Back Saturday for kick-off. Tanner's bringing the beer. Save me a can.

Fuck me. Rory Whitlock in his knickers.

Captain! Everyone's got one, here.

Oh no, you're not allowed clothes, are you? Never mind.

Good to see you too, Johnna.

Right, lads. Farmhouse tonight, the plough tomorrow for the final, the barn tomorrow night.

I'm getting the train back for kick-off, Ferg. I told Johnny.

Stag's till Sunday, mate. And I'm best man now.

Johnny said you wouldn't mind, seeing as you're a chalice.

Fair enough. Someone's got to stop him crying at the altar.

Good to see you, Rory.

In the back with the beer, chalice.

Stag rules, lads. I've printed them.

Rule one. The chalice is the stag's dog for the whole weekend.

On all fours and on a lead.

Careful, Ferg. Pull at his collar and you'll be wearing one yourself.

I'm clipping the lead to the ring, not pulling at the collar. I read the rules.

I like this.

I'll see you, Snape.

Come on, Ferg. I haven't seen you lot since they put this collar on me.

I came to sit in the plum and talk shit with you like we used to, not to crawl round a kitchen on a lead.

You came because it's a stag do and you're a chalice, mate.

Rule two. The dog drinks out of a bowl.

Down, Captain!

Good boy. Now get over here and suck me off.

Never thought I'd see the Captain on his knees for me.

Have you had a wash this year, Ozzy?

He's cool.

Dog's been in all afternoon, lads. He needs taken out.

And the dog needs marking.

Hodge, not you.

Sorry, Rory. I've had four cans.

Open up, Captain.

Good boy! Who's a good boy?

Go on, then. Your turn. Dogs go on the grass.

Yay!

Are we actually allowed to do this to him?

He's a chalice, Sully. That's what they're for. It's the law.

Oi!

Right. Groom goes first, then the rest of you,

from your old shirt numbers, highest to lowest.

Number one. So I'm last, then.

And Rory wore nine. Shame the dog doesn't get a turn.

LAUGHTER

SHE SCREAMS

Cailin's mum wants to know who's sitting next to Uncle Derek's.

Not me. He grabbed my arse at the christening.

Sit him next to Rory, then. He'll have a lovely time.

SHE LAUGHS

You all right, Rory?

Just get on with it, Sully.

Good game, Cap. Get some sleep.

SHE MOANS

SHE MOANS

SHE GRUNTS

Oh, ah, ah, ah, ah.

ROOSTER CLUCKS

Afternoon, Rory.

Afternoon, Mr Dyer.

Rory Whitlock.

Last time you were in my pub,

you brought the whole bar around for your county cap.

Hello, Mr Kellogg.

Dog goes under the table, boys.

Kick off in five minutes.

Johnny, let me sit up for the first half.

I've been waiting all week for this match

and I was meant to be watching it with a mate.

Dogs don't watch rugby, captain.

ROOSTER CLUCKS

CROWD GROANS

Mr Storey had it!

CROWD GROANS

Three lovely hands from the scrumps,

and that's a try, isn't he?

That pass was slow.

What's he saying?

Nothing. It's your go, Oz.

That's our ring.

Rory here in set to keep on time.

It is greater than three for Valtteri.

Take the match and ready...

WATER SPLASHES

WATER SPLASHES

HE GRUNTS

HE GROANS

Rory, seven, kiss.

And just a Hullund and Nathan try.

His estate is 4-3, crockles and cracks.

It's Fursamara churning his dicks,

and he's got the three Rory's dicks to do with.

HE SMACKS HIS Lips

HE SIGHS

HE GRUNTS

HE SMACKS HIS LIPS

Oh!

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!

People are on the gouts,

joining Nationals Team 4 slot.

HE GRUNTS

To vetted his story, that time

Is Rory back?

Not yet.

Come in.

The match is about to start.

He said kick-off.

His train will be late.

Can you ring him?

Charlesses don't get phones, mate.

Lads, lads, found this in the dog's bag.

It's the best man's speech the captain wrote before he got his collar.

I've known Jonno since we were 16, and he still can't throw a straight line out.

The rest of it's soppy.

Who wants the dog first?

Yeah!

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,

oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,

Fuck him hard, Bazaar.

That's it.

Give it to him.

You still with Leitha?

On and off.

I always said you'd be good for something, Whitlock.

It was a good speech, Jonno.

Yeah.

Shame you'll never give it.

Last thing before the fry-up, group photo, and the groom's wearing the chalice uniform.

Fergus, don't. A chalice out of uniform in public gets arrested.

Ten minutes, mate, nobody's about.

Yes, mate!

Yay!

To Brigoo Jaws!

Stay, we'll bring you a sausage.

Sit.

Rory Whitlock, you're out of uniform in a public place.

They took it off me. My mates, they're in the cafe.

Did you take this chalice's uniform off him, sir? Because if you did, you'll be wearing one.

He took it off himself. For a bet, a tendy off Stevo. We told him not to.

Fergus! Tell him.

Did anyone else see him take it off?

Then you're coming with us, Mr Whitlock.

Hands on the wall, feet apart, bend over.

Clean. Stand up.

You'll not need a uniform in here. See chalices go naked on the wing.