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1
00:00:00,566 --> 00:00:03,333
( MUSIC PLAYING )
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00:00:31,500 --> 00:00:34,566
( MUSIC CHANGES )
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00:01:24,166 --> 00:01:25,133
Yeah!
4
00:01:50,633 --> 00:01:52,266
How'd it go?
5
00:01:52,300 --> 00:01:55,300
Oh, I think the people who
enjoyed it the most...
6
00:01:55,333 --> 00:01:57,300
were the ones who caught up
on their sleep.
7
00:01:57,333 --> 00:02:01,266
Er, Laura and the kids have
started eating.
8
00:02:01,300 --> 00:02:02,700
Where'd they go?
9
00:02:02,733 --> 00:02:05,400
Er... er, La Petit Vérité.
10
00:02:05,433 --> 00:02:09,433
Oh. Man, Jesus.
11
00:02:09,466 --> 00:02:10,766
You're not in the mood
for French food?
12
00:02:10,800 --> 00:02:14,033
No, it's not that, it's just...
13
00:02:14,066 --> 00:02:15,400
Are you‐‐ are you okay?
14
00:02:15,433 --> 00:02:18,233
No, I‐‐ I‐‐ you know,
it's just...
15
00:02:18,266 --> 00:02:20,100
I mean, I don't get the idea
of drama.
16
00:02:20,133 --> 00:02:23,500
I mean, it doesn't make
people happy, right?
17
00:02:23,533 --> 00:02:25,566
Er, and‐‐ and you know,
like people‐‐
18
00:02:25,600 --> 00:02:29,333
I know there's some people who‐‐
who, er, feel stuck in comedy...
19
00:02:29,366 --> 00:02:31,600
and they wanna prove themselves
a serious actor.
20
00:02:31,633 --> 00:02:33,400
I don't.
21
00:02:33,433 --> 00:02:36,300
I mean, I love doing comedy.
I love making people laugh.
22
00:02:36,333 --> 00:02:39,166
I‐‐ I don't feel like I need
to win an award...
23
00:02:39,200 --> 00:02:41,333
for long day's journey into
boredom, you know?
24
00:02:41,366 --> 00:02:44,266
And yet here I am, doing another
drama.
25
00:02:44,300 --> 00:02:47,333
You know, like a guy who‐‐
who's, er, you know...
26
00:02:47,366 --> 00:02:50,400
addicted to a drug that doesn't
even get him high, you know?
27
00:02:50,433 --> 00:02:52,633
Like a cigarette smoker
who doesn't even...
28
00:02:52,666 --> 00:02:54,366
like cigarettes, you know?
29
00:02:54,400 --> 00:02:57,133
And yet, here he goes, having
another cigarette...
30
00:02:57,166 --> 00:02:59,133
and another cigarette and
another cigarette...
31
00:02:59,166 --> 00:03:01,600
and another cigarette.
32
00:03:01,633 --> 00:03:03,266
I get the idea, Woody.
33
00:03:03,300 --> 00:03:04,733
[WOODY]
Have you ever had that...
34
00:03:04,766 --> 00:03:07,666
where you were addicted to
something you didn't even like?
35
00:03:07,700 --> 00:03:09,566
Yeah, my girlfriend.
36
00:03:09,600 --> 00:03:11,233
[WOODY]
Oh, no kidding?
37
00:03:11,266 --> 00:03:14,133
Yeah, she just says the most
awful things like...
38
00:03:14,166 --> 00:03:16,233
I brought her to dinner to meet
my parents, right...
39
00:03:16,266 --> 00:03:18,766
and before we started eating my
mum says, "Let's pray".
40
00:03:18,800 --> 00:03:21,033
She goes, "I'm an atheist".
41
00:03:21,066 --> 00:03:23,666
Like she couldn't just
go along with it.
42
00:03:23,700 --> 00:03:26,500
[WOODY]
Wow, brutally honest.
43
00:03:26,533 --> 00:03:27,733
Yeah, definitely brutal.
44
00:03:27,766 --> 00:03:30,366
So we bow our heads, close our
eyes, and she just sat there...
45
00:03:30,400 --> 00:03:32,666
staring at us like we're morons.
46
00:03:32,700 --> 00:03:34,600
[WOODY]
Well, how‐‐ how'd you know that?
47
00:03:34,633 --> 00:03:35,800
What?
48
00:03:35,833 --> 00:03:37,100
[WOODY] I mean, if your eyes
are closed...
49
00:03:37,133 --> 00:03:38,600
how'd you know what
she was doing?
50
00:03:38,633 --> 00:03:39,766
Oh, I peeped.
51
00:03:39,800 --> 00:03:40,933
[WOODY] Oh.
Yeah.
52
00:03:40,966 --> 00:03:43,366
So anyway, we get through the
prayer, we start eating.
53
00:03:43,400 --> 00:03:47,066
It's dead quiet in the room,
uncomfortable quiet.
54
00:03:47,100 --> 00:03:50,333
And then she goes,
"This chicken's overcooked".
55
00:03:50,366 --> 00:03:52,766
I'd rather her choke on that
chicken, than say that.
56
00:03:52,800 --> 00:03:54,633
( WOODY CHUCKLES )
57
00:03:54,666 --> 00:03:59,333
My god, that could not have gone
over good with the parentals.
58
00:03:59,366 --> 00:04:01,100
No... well, my dad loves her.
59
00:04:01,133 --> 00:04:03,266
He says she's been over‐cooking
the chicken for 25 years...
60
00:04:03,300 --> 00:04:05,366
and someone's finally called
her out on it.
61
00:04:05,400 --> 00:04:08,066
My mum asks me every day if I've
managed to get rid of her yet.
62
00:04:08,100 --> 00:04:10,133
Ah!
63
00:04:10,166 --> 00:04:14,033
Well, I'm sorry about that,
dude, you know...
64
00:04:14,066 --> 00:04:17,733
but I feel‐‐ I feel lucky,
you know?
65
00:04:17,766 --> 00:04:22,600
It's like, er, Laura is so cool,
you know?
66
00:04:22,633 --> 00:04:25,366
I mean, I‐I think that's true,
that statement...
67
00:04:25,400 --> 00:04:28,466
happy wife, happy life.
68
00:04:28,500 --> 00:04:31,566
Um, yeah.
69
00:04:32,700 --> 00:04:34,166
[WOODY] Huh?
70
00:04:34,200 --> 00:04:36,233
What?
71
00:04:36,266 --> 00:04:37,033
[WOODY] What was that?
72
00:04:37,066 --> 00:04:40,066
What was what?
What you just said.
73
00:04:40,100 --> 00:04:41,500
What'd I just say?
74
00:04:41,533 --> 00:04:43,466
Dude, is everything cool?
75
00:04:43,500 --> 00:04:45,433
Um, yeah.
76
00:04:45,466 --> 00:04:47,666
Okay, now that's twice.
77
00:04:47,700 --> 00:04:49,633
Yeah, I said "yeah" twice.
78
00:04:49,666 --> 00:04:51,633
Is there something you're not
telling me?
79
00:04:51,666 --> 00:04:53,100
No.
80
00:04:53,133 --> 00:04:55,033
Are you sure?
81
00:04:55,066 --> 00:04:56,600
Um, yeah.
82
00:04:59,266 --> 00:05:01,766
Hi, Woody.
Hi.
83
00:05:03,100 --> 00:05:04,533
Heavy play.
84
00:05:04,566 --> 00:05:06,066
Oh, tell me.
85
00:05:06,100 --> 00:05:08,566
I miss 'Cheers'.
Me, too.
86
00:05:08,600 --> 00:05:11,133
You were so young and innocent
back then.
87
00:05:11,166 --> 00:05:14,500
Yeah, be a‐‐ give a lot to be
either one of those things now.
88
00:05:14,533 --> 00:05:16,500
You're all right, Woody. Would
you sign that for me, please?
89
00:05:16,533 --> 00:05:19,066
Dave.
Don't sign for paparazzi, Dave.
90
00:05:19,100 --> 00:05:22,333
Apparently, you do pose
for them, though, mate.
91
00:05:22,366 --> 00:05:25,733
Oh, yeah, lovely, lovely, mate.
Lovely, thank you.
92
00:05:25,766 --> 00:05:27,400
Woody. Woody. Woody.
93
00:05:27,433 --> 00:05:31,300
Oh my god, I knew something
was going on, dude.
94
00:05:31,333 --> 00:05:32,766
Yeah.
95
00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:35,100
When‐‐ when did you see this?
96
00:05:35,133 --> 00:05:36,600
Just this morning.
97
00:05:36,633 --> 00:05:38,300
And you kept it from me all day?
98
00:05:38,333 --> 00:05:39,600
I didn't know you didn't know.
99
00:05:39,633 --> 00:05:42,266
Dude, of course you knew
I didn't know.
100
00:05:42,300 --> 00:05:44,600
What would it have helped to say
something earlier?
101
00:05:44,633 --> 00:05:47,266
Because knowledge is power,
all right?
102
00:05:47,300 --> 00:05:51,033
For one thing, I never would've
had Laura meet me out, okay?
103
00:05:51,066 --> 00:05:53,400
The second she walks out
that door...
104
00:05:53,433 --> 00:05:56,800
the chances of her seeing
it double, quadruple.
105
00:05:56,833 --> 00:05:59,600
Sept... sept‐‐
106
00:05:59,633 --> 00:06:01,066
I'm sorry, Woody.
107
00:06:01,100 --> 00:06:02,566
Oh, man, oh, man, oh, man.
108
00:06:02,600 --> 00:06:06,066
Just relax, just relax,
don't get worked up.
109
00:06:06,100 --> 00:06:08,133
Remember your chi,
you taught me that.
110
00:06:08,166 --> 00:06:10,466
It's fine, this is nothing new.
111
00:06:10,500 --> 00:06:13,466
Losing my wife is new, dude.
112
00:06:13,500 --> 00:06:17,633
Yeah. No, no, you're fine,
maybe she hasn't even seen it.
113
00:06:17,666 --> 00:06:20,533
Oh, that's true, I mean,
maybe she hasn't seen it.
114
00:06:20,566 --> 00:06:22,466
Yeah, you'd be able to tell,
as soon as you see her...
115
00:06:22,500 --> 00:06:23,600
if she's seen it or not.
116
00:06:23,633 --> 00:06:25,700
Right.
If she hasn't, get her home.
117
00:06:25,733 --> 00:06:27,300
Right, get her home immediately.
118
00:06:27,333 --> 00:06:28,600
And there's a good chance
she never will see it.
119
00:06:28,633 --> 00:06:30,300
Right, right. Yeah, yeah,
that's true.
120
00:06:30,333 --> 00:06:31,666
Stay positive, life's good.
121
00:06:31,700 --> 00:06:34,400
Right, right, positive,
yeah, life is good.
122
00:06:34,433 --> 00:06:35,533
Life's great.
123
00:06:35,566 --> 00:06:36,733
Right, right, life is great.
124
00:06:36,766 --> 00:06:38,033
It's a good day.
125
00:06:38,066 --> 00:06:40,033
It's a great day, man.
126
00:06:40,066 --> 00:06:41,566
Yeah, you got it, Woods.
127
00:06:41,600 --> 00:06:44,366
Alex, you are such a good buddy,
man.
128
00:06:44,400 --> 00:06:46,666
Hey, will you come in there
with me?
129
00:06:46,700 --> 00:06:48,333
God, no, no, if she has
seen it...
130
00:06:48,366 --> 00:06:49,600
I don't wanna be anywhere
near you, mate.
131
00:06:49,633 --> 00:06:51,266
Good luck, though, yeah.
132
00:07:06,433 --> 00:07:09,333
Good evening, sir.
Thank you.
133
00:07:09,366 --> 00:07:12,400
Hi, hon.
Hi, love.
134
00:07:12,433 --> 00:07:14,100
How you doing?
I'm good.
135
00:07:14,133 --> 00:07:15,300
Yeah?
Yeah.
136
00:07:15,333 --> 00:07:17,500
Everything's groovy?
137
00:07:17,533 --> 00:07:19,400
Why are you acting so strange?
138
00:07:19,433 --> 00:07:22,100
I'm not, I'm not acting str‐‐
139
00:07:22,133 --> 00:07:23,666
Because it's coming and I‐‐
140
00:07:23,700 --> 00:07:26,333
It's cold out there
and my lips‐‐
141
00:07:26,366 --> 00:07:29,266
It's coming off as strange,
but I'm just strangely happy.
142
00:07:29,300 --> 00:07:32,800
Er, did you eat?
Yeah, we ate.
143
00:07:32,833 --> 00:07:34,266
Let's get the check.
144
00:07:34,300 --> 00:07:35,433
Whoa, whoa, whoa, what's
the rush?
145
00:07:35,466 --> 00:07:37,166
Sit down. Look, I got this
for you. You're not hungry?
146
00:07:37,200 --> 00:07:38,366
Well, let's doggy bag it,
you know‐‐
147
00:07:38,400 --> 00:07:41,266
No, sit down, tell me how
the show was tonight, come on.
148
00:07:41,300 --> 00:07:43,533
It was‐‐ it was good. It was
just, er‐‐
149
00:07:43,566 --> 00:07:46,433
You know, I, I wanna get
you home and, you know...
150
00:07:46,466 --> 00:07:49,100
er, maybe get you, and run you
a hot bath.
151
00:07:49,133 --> 00:07:51,100
And‐‐ and maybe give you
a massage...
152
00:07:51,133 --> 00:07:52,766
and then get you drunk and
take advantage of you.
153
00:07:52,800 --> 00:07:55,100
Really?
Yeah.
154
00:07:55,133 --> 00:07:57,300
Wow, what has gotten into you?
155
00:07:57,333 --> 00:08:01,533
Nothing, I just‐‐ I feel so
lucky to be your husband.
156
00:08:01,566 --> 00:08:04,033
You are lucky.
157
00:08:04,066 --> 00:08:05,600
So am I.
158
00:08:05,633 --> 00:08:09,166
And maybe, if you're
really, really lucky...
159
00:08:09,200 --> 00:08:11,500
I might just let you
take advantage of me.
160
00:08:13,800 --> 00:08:16,500
Um, so where's the rascals?
And you know what?
161
00:08:16,533 --> 00:08:18,133
There's still plenty of wine
left in this bottle.
162
00:08:18,166 --> 00:08:19,333
You want me to pour you
a glass?
163
00:08:19,366 --> 00:08:20,600
Let's just cork it, drink
it in the tub.
164
00:08:20,633 --> 00:08:22,100
Where's the munchkins?
165
00:08:22,133 --> 00:08:24,566
They're around here somewhere.
Here you are, sir.
166
00:08:24,600 --> 00:08:26,100
Oh, wonderful, wonderful.
167
00:08:26,133 --> 00:08:28,300
Can we get the wine and the
food to go, please?
168
00:08:28,333 --> 00:08:29,400
Oh, certainly, sir, no problem.
169
00:08:29,433 --> 00:08:31,133
Okay, great.
170
00:08:38,100 --> 00:08:39,566
I'm just kidding.
171
00:08:39,600 --> 00:08:41,700
No, what's the best tip
you ever got?
172
00:08:41,733 --> 00:08:44,333
To buy Apple.
173
00:08:44,366 --> 00:08:46,133
That's funny, you're funny.
174
00:08:46,166 --> 00:08:48,466
Yeah, people have accused
me of that.
175
00:08:49,800 --> 00:08:52,133
Er, so can I get some
candles, maybe?
176
00:08:52,166 --> 00:08:54,700
Whoa, whoa, what has
gotten into you tonight?
177
00:08:54,733 --> 00:08:56,266
Well, you know, for the
tub, you know.
178
00:08:56,300 --> 00:08:58,266
Er, 'Be Prepared', Boy
Scout motto.
179
00:08:58,300 --> 00:09:00,233
Wait, you were a Boy Scout?
180
00:09:00,266 --> 00:09:02,266
Er, Cub, but highly decorated.
181
00:09:02,300 --> 00:09:04,166
Oh, I wish I could have
known you then.
182
00:09:04,200 --> 00:09:07,466
Honey, that's almost weird,
you'd be way too old for me.
183
00:09:07,500 --> 00:09:09,466
I bet you were a hot,
little Cub Scout.
184
00:09:09,500 --> 00:09:13,166
Honey... I think she's having
a Chinese reaction to the wine.
185
00:09:13,200 --> 00:09:15,300
500.
Huh?
186
00:09:15,333 --> 00:09:17,466
The biggest tip I've
ever gotten, 500 pounds.
187
00:09:17,500 --> 00:09:19,500
Holy moly.
188
00:09:19,533 --> 00:09:20,733
Is this 'Natural Born Killer'...
189
00:09:20,766 --> 00:09:22,100
making you an 'Indecent
Proposal'?
190
00:09:22,133 --> 00:09:23,100
Oh...
191
00:09:23,133 --> 00:09:24,666
Hey, you can tell me, 'White
Men Can't Jump'.
192
00:09:24,700 --> 00:09:26,400
Oh, that's, that's good.
Yeah.
193
00:09:26,433 --> 00:09:29,333
500.
Oh, oh, right, right.
194
00:09:29,366 --> 00:09:33,500
Hey, yeah... that's sizeable.
Okay, here you go.
195
00:09:33,533 --> 00:09:35,466
That's a little‐‐ you know what?
196
00:09:35,500 --> 00:09:40,466
I'm not gonna be able to meet
that, er, huge, er, number...
197
00:09:40,500 --> 00:09:43,266
that‐‐ whoever that guy,
Aristotle‐fricking‐Onassis.
198
00:09:43,300 --> 00:09:45,666
Here, this is‐‐ okay, that's
for you.
199
00:09:45,700 --> 00:09:47,066
Very kind, sir.
200
00:09:47,100 --> 00:09:49,633
Ah, to whom much is
given, much is required.
201
00:09:51,133 --> 00:09:52,666
Hello, Laura.
Hi.
202
00:09:52,700 --> 00:09:54,266
Woody, how are you?
203
00:09:54,300 --> 00:09:56,700
Oh, yeah, hey, hey, uh, good,
good. How are you doing?
204
00:09:56,733 --> 00:09:59,566
Excellent, yeah. D'you
remember my name?
205
00:09:59,600 --> 00:10:03,466
Oh, your name, er, let's
see. Don't tell me.
206
00:10:03,500 --> 00:10:07,066
Moo, Moo, Momah, Mohammed...
no, Mu, Musta...
207
00:10:07,100 --> 00:10:09,166
It starts with an 'M', right?
208
00:10:09,200 --> 00:10:11,366
Alan.
Alan, right, sorry, yeah.
209
00:10:11,400 --> 00:10:12,800
Just another handsome Arab
to you, aren't I?
210
00:10:12,833 --> 00:10:15,400
Right, you really are a
handsome Arab.
211
00:10:15,433 --> 00:10:16,733
I'm Iranian.
212
00:10:20,745 --> 00:10:22,645
Oh, it's a pretty language, huh?
213
00:10:22,678 --> 00:10:23,845
Would you like to meet
the prince?
214
00:10:23,878 --> 00:10:27,311
Oh, yeah, I never met a prince
before, other than Prince.
215
00:10:27,345 --> 00:10:28,545
You wanna meet a prince?
Yeah.
216
00:10:28,578 --> 00:10:31,278
Woody, this is Prince Abu Ali
Adullah Bin Saltan Al Rahmanil.
217
00:10:31,311 --> 00:10:34,611
Oh, hey, nice to...
Oh my god!
218
00:10:34,645 --> 00:10:36,978
Hey, careful, there's
gravity there.
219
00:10:37,011 --> 00:10:39,211
[WOODY] Good one.
You okay, Papa?
220
00:10:39,245 --> 00:10:41,478
[WOODY] Er, yeah.
221
00:10:41,511 --> 00:10:43,578
Oh, no, you tied
other people's shoes?
222
00:10:43,611 --> 00:10:45,711
We tied everybody's.
223
00:10:45,745 --> 00:10:47,411
What should we do, Papa?
224
00:10:47,445 --> 00:10:49,378
Oh, er, well, if I raised you
right, you'll go over there...
225
00:10:49,411 --> 00:10:51,211
and apologize to 'em.
226
00:10:51,245 --> 00:10:52,378
Okay.
227
00:10:54,178 --> 00:10:55,578
( GLASS SMASHING )
228
00:10:59,245 --> 00:11:01,145
What do we do now?
[WOODY] Run!
229
00:11:01,178 --> 00:11:03,145
That barman needs to cut
these people off.
230
00:11:05,645 --> 00:11:07,478
Hey.
231
00:11:07,511 --> 00:11:08,645
Nice to meet you.
232
00:11:08,678 --> 00:11:10,511
It's a real pleasure to
meet you.
233
00:11:10,545 --> 00:11:11,478
Oh...
234
00:11:11,511 --> 00:11:15,245
You know, you have given
me many, many, many...
235
00:11:15,278 --> 00:11:19,011
many, many, many, many,
many, many...
236
00:11:19,045 --> 00:11:21,578
many hours of entertainment.
237
00:11:21,611 --> 00:11:24,411
So many "manys". This is my
wife, Laura.
238
00:11:24,445 --> 00:11:26,345
Hello.
Oh...
239
00:11:28,578 --> 00:11:30,645
Enchanté.
240
00:11:30,678 --> 00:11:33,645
Wow, you are a real beauty.
241
00:11:33,678 --> 00:11:35,345
Oh, thank you.
Truly.
242
00:11:35,378 --> 00:11:36,478
You're sweet.
243
00:11:36,511 --> 00:11:40,478
No, no, no, no, no, you're
sweet, like sticky honey.
244
00:11:40,511 --> 00:11:42,445
Er... thank you.
245
00:11:42,478 --> 00:11:43,678
Um...
246
00:11:43,711 --> 00:11:47,445
Well, I'm just gonna, er, run to
the little girls' room, Romeo.
247
00:11:47,478 --> 00:11:48,978
Oh, we got‐‐ we got
a bathroom...
248
00:11:49,011 --> 00:11:51,645
back at the‐‐ back at the
hotel, Juliet.
249
00:11:51,678 --> 00:11:53,111
I'll be right back.
250
00:11:53,145 --> 00:11:55,211
Okay, I'll meet you back
here in a trice.
251
00:11:55,245 --> 00:11:57,111
And, I don't even know what
that word means.
252
00:11:57,145 --> 00:11:59,111
Oh.
Ow.
253
00:11:59,145 --> 00:12:01,278
There's more where that
came from.
254
00:12:01,311 --> 00:12:03,578
Wow, you are really
feeling randy tonight, huh?
255
00:12:03,611 --> 00:12:06,111
"Randy", that's a good
word, too, right?
256
00:12:06,145 --> 00:12:07,278
You scallywag.
257
00:12:07,311 --> 00:12:09,278
Oh, um, you rapscallion.
258
00:12:09,311 --> 00:12:11,445
You scamp. Miscreant.
259
00:12:11,478 --> 00:12:13,078
Bitch.
260
00:12:14,578 --> 00:12:16,745
So, er, how do you know
the prince?
261
00:12:16,778 --> 00:12:18,378
Er, he adopted me.
262
00:12:18,411 --> 00:12:20,745
I was a bastard child and
he raised me like a baby fawn.
263
00:12:20,778 --> 00:12:25,278
He is a fawn in my side.
Fawn in my side.
264
00:12:25,311 --> 00:12:26,745
You'd tell me if I smelled
like BO, would you?
265
00:12:26,778 --> 00:12:28,311
Oh my god, babe, of course.
266
00:12:28,345 --> 00:12:29,678
My god, I thought it was me...
267
00:12:29,711 --> 00:12:31,211
and then I hugged that guy
Alan‐‐
268
00:12:31,245 --> 00:12:33,978
In the green velvet jacket?
Yeah, he stinks.
269
00:12:34,011 --> 00:12:36,645
His laugh annoys me as
well, I've gotta be honest.
270
00:12:38,078 --> 00:12:40,978
♪ I'm learning to love myself ♪
271
00:12:41,011 --> 00:12:44,078
♪ Yeah I'm learning
to love myself ♪
272
00:12:44,111 --> 00:12:46,045
♪ I'm learn‐‐ ♪
273
00:12:46,078 --> 00:12:47,711
No, keep going.
My God.
274
00:12:47,745 --> 00:12:51,011
Keep going.
I'm‐‐ I'm so embarrassed.
275
00:12:51,045 --> 00:12:54,578
Cute.
Yeah... oh, no.
276
00:12:54,611 --> 00:12:57,445
Okay, I'm gonna ask you
honestly and just the once...
277
00:12:57,478 --> 00:13:00,578
but d'you feel like my
neck has grown?
278
00:13:00,611 --> 00:13:04,411
Look at me, like out, like
the circumference of it?
279
00:13:04,445 --> 00:13:06,078
Well, that's a 'yes', 'cause
I can see it in your face. What?
280
00:13:06,111 --> 00:13:07,278
Babe, babe, do you know what
you should do?
281
00:13:07,311 --> 00:13:09,345
Do this, but with your neck.
Really? How often?
282
00:13:09,378 --> 00:13:11,611
Just like every morning when
you wake up.
283
00:13:11,645 --> 00:13:13,378
I mean, the fat might displace
to another part of your body...
284
00:13:13,411 --> 00:13:15,078
but I'm sure you'll be fine.
285
00:13:15,111 --> 00:13:18,178
I used to hate my nose,
now it's my neck.
286
00:13:18,211 --> 00:13:20,511
Your nose is fine.
Come in sooner with that.
287
00:13:20,545 --> 00:13:23,545
Babe, your nose is fine,
you're being ridiculous.
288
00:13:23,578 --> 00:13:26,178
Okay. So which one do
you want?
289
00:13:26,211 --> 00:13:28,745
I don't know. I think Sayed
is really sexy.
290
00:13:28,778 --> 00:13:31,011
I'm so glad you said
that because, honestly...
291
00:13:31,045 --> 00:13:32,478
the prince is mine tonight.
292
00:13:32,511 --> 00:13:33,678
If I get rid of this neck
thing...
293
00:13:33,711 --> 00:13:37,478
I'm gonna sit on that
throne. Am I right?
294
00:13:37,511 --> 00:13:38,611
The prince?
Too much?
295
00:13:38,645 --> 00:13:40,611
He's like four times your age.
296
00:13:40,645 --> 00:13:42,245
And that's your judgement face.
297
00:13:42,278 --> 00:13:43,711
Babe, I'm your friend,
I don't judge you.
298
00:13:43,745 --> 00:13:47,311
Yeah, exactly, okay, so
the prince is mine tonight...
299
00:13:47,345 --> 00:13:49,978
and you can have Seaweed.
300
00:13:50,011 --> 00:13:50,978
Seaweed?
301
00:13:51,011 --> 00:13:52,078
Am I saying that wrong?
302
00:13:52,111 --> 00:13:53,978
Babe, his name is Sayed,
it's not that hard to say.
303
00:13:54,011 --> 00:13:55,545
Wait, did you see this?
304
00:13:58,011 --> 00:13:59,545
No, no, no, no.
Grim.
305
00:13:59,578 --> 00:14:02,645
No, look, and the funniest thing
about this is that...
306
00:14:02,678 --> 00:14:05,678
he's actually upstairs right
now with his wife.
307
00:14:05,711 --> 00:14:07,011
You know, the Asian one?
308
00:14:07,045 --> 00:14:08,211
That's his wife?
Yes.
309
00:14:08,245 --> 00:14:10,445
And they're okay with this?
Well, she didn't seem upset...
310
00:14:10,478 --> 00:14:11,545
and they actually seemed
quite happy.
311
00:14:11,578 --> 00:14:14,711
Although, Asians are the
masters of hiding emotion.
312
00:14:14,745 --> 00:14:17,078
So true.
Mmm‐hmm.
313
00:14:17,111 --> 00:14:19,478
Oh, she's so fit, so much fitter
than any of these.
314
00:14:19,511 --> 00:14:22,378
God, so much surgery in
one photograph.
315
00:14:22,411 --> 00:14:23,211
Do I need surgery here?
316
00:14:23,245 --> 00:14:25,278
Babe, just slap it, you'll
be fine.
317
00:14:25,311 --> 00:14:26,311
D'you know what I think?
318
00:14:26,345 --> 00:14:29,445
This is options though, for
you, for tonight.
319
00:14:29,478 --> 00:14:31,445
Come on, they're obviously not
happily married.
320
00:14:31,478 --> 00:14:33,445
If you don't wanna go
for Seaweed, I'd go for him.
321
00:14:33,478 --> 00:14:34,678
I think he's an actor.
322
00:14:34,711 --> 00:14:35,678
I don't do 'married'.
323
00:14:35,711 --> 00:14:37,178
He likes Asians anyway.
324
00:14:37,211 --> 00:14:39,345
Babe, none of these women are
Asian.
325
00:14:39,378 --> 00:14:42,011
Well, not with those boobs, no.
326
00:14:42,045 --> 00:14:43,245
Okay, you good?
327
00:14:43,278 --> 00:14:46,545
Yeah. I'm just checking
I have it. Yeah.
328
00:14:46,578 --> 00:14:49,245
You good?
Fine, let's go.
329
00:14:49,278 --> 00:14:50,245
Yeah.
330
00:14:50,278 --> 00:14:51,478
Oh, teeth, teeth, teeth, teeth.
331
00:14:51,511 --> 00:14:53,411
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, check me.
Am I okay?
332
00:14:53,445 --> 00:14:55,011
Okay and me?
Definitely?
333
00:14:55,045 --> 00:14:56,445
Yeah, you're fine.
Are you sure? No Seaweed?
334
00:14:56,478 --> 00:14:58,978
Not yet there isn't.
( BOTH LAUGHING )
335
00:14:59,011 --> 00:15:00,511
Can you just check the
bogies for me?
336
00:15:00,545 --> 00:15:01,611
Yeah.
Okay, you're good. Me?
337
00:15:01,645 --> 00:15:03,311
Am I clear?
Clear skies, yeah.
338
00:15:03,345 --> 00:15:04,445
Are you sure?
Yeah.
339
00:15:04,478 --> 00:15:05,711
Wait, is he an actor...
340
00:15:05,745 --> 00:15:07,478
or am I just completely
getting that wrong?
341
00:15:07,511 --> 00:15:09,511
Oh my god, yeah, babe,
he's been in so many films.
342
00:15:09,545 --> 00:15:13,345
I feel like it's TV. Yes.
Oh my god, what's it called?
343
00:15:13,378 --> 00:15:16,478
It's so famous, and it made him.
344
00:15:16,511 --> 00:15:17,578
'Full House'.
345
00:15:17,611 --> 00:15:19,011
D'you know what?
I never saw that.
346
00:15:19,045 --> 00:15:23,345
Woody, I wonder if I can
interest you in, um...
347
00:15:23,378 --> 00:15:26,078
going out with us
for a few drinks?
348
00:15:26,111 --> 00:15:28,211
Uh, no, any other night but,
you know, it's‐‐
349
00:15:28,245 --> 00:15:31,078
It's actually 'date' night
for me and the wifey‐poo.
350
00:15:31,111 --> 00:15:32,478
You know, we're like newly‐weds.
351
00:15:32,511 --> 00:15:33,578
I mean, she's so...
Really?
352
00:15:33,611 --> 00:15:34,678
...ravenous for me.
353
00:15:34,711 --> 00:15:35,645
Wow.
354
00:15:35,678 --> 00:15:37,311
Yeah, I mean, she's like
a jaguar on the hunt.
355
00:15:37,345 --> 00:15:40,178
I can picture her now,
tearing at your flesh.
356
00:15:40,211 --> 00:15:43,545
Yeah.
Whoa, whoa, a jaguar.
357
00:15:43,578 --> 00:15:46,178
Honey?
358
00:15:46,211 --> 00:15:48,011
Were you just hoping I
wouldn't see this?
359
00:15:48,045 --> 00:15:50,211
I am so sorry, honey.
360
00:15:50,245 --> 00:15:53,678
Three women? How, how does
that even happen?
361
00:15:53,711 --> 00:15:58,145
Well, I mean, they‐‐ they came
up to me outside of this bar...
362
00:15:58,178 --> 00:16:01,578
and they‐‐ er, they asked me...
363
00:16:01,611 --> 00:16:05,578
if I wanted to take a walk
on the wild side.
364
00:16:05,611 --> 00:16:07,645
A walk on the wild side?
365
00:16:07,678 --> 00:16:11,511
Honey, I'm so sorry. I
was really, really drunk.
366
00:16:11,545 --> 00:16:13,611
An apology followed by an
excuse is bullshit.
367
00:16:13,645 --> 00:16:15,645
I'm not excusing, I'm
giving context, you know.
368
00:16:15,678 --> 00:16:17,545
Well, you know, maybe I'll get
really, really drunk tonight...
369
00:16:17,578 --> 00:16:20,311
and find myself three
hot, young Englishmen.
370
00:16:20,345 --> 00:16:21,978
Honey, the children might
hear you.
371
00:16:22,011 --> 00:16:22,978
Fuck the children!
372
00:16:23,011 --> 00:16:23,978
Oh!
373
00:16:24,011 --> 00:16:26,211
Excuse me.
No, excuse me.
374
00:16:29,445 --> 00:16:31,278
Are you okay?
375
00:16:31,311 --> 00:16:33,245
No.
376
00:16:33,278 --> 00:16:34,445
The, um...
( CLEARS THROAT )
377
00:16:34,478 --> 00:16:36,611
the, er, prince is, is leaving.
378
00:16:36,645 --> 00:16:38,478
Okay.
379
00:16:40,545 --> 00:16:45,045
Woody... I do hope
everything's okay.
380
00:16:45,078 --> 00:16:46,611
Yeah. Yeah, me, too.
381
00:16:46,645 --> 00:16:51,378
Asian women, they are beautiful,
but they are problem.
382
00:16:51,411 --> 00:16:53,511
No, I think I might be
the problem on this here.
383
00:16:53,545 --> 00:16:54,511
No, no, no, no, no.
384
00:16:54,545 --> 00:16:55,678
I can't find the kids.
385
00:16:55,711 --> 00:16:58,145
They're, they're fine, trust me.
386
00:16:58,178 --> 00:16:59,145
Trust you?
387
00:16:59,178 --> 00:17:01,178
Laura, I wonder...
388
00:17:01,211 --> 00:17:04,211
can I steal your husband away
for one drink?
389
00:17:04,245 --> 00:17:07,245
Oh, you wouldn't be stealing.
Take him. Keep him.
390
00:17:07,278 --> 00:17:09,245
No, no, I'm‐‐ I'm coming
with you, honey.
391
00:17:09,278 --> 00:17:10,178
No, you should go with the
prince.
392
00:17:10,211 --> 00:17:11,078
No, no, no, I'm coming with you.
393
00:17:11,111 --> 00:17:13,678
I don't want you.
Excuse us one second.
394
00:17:13,711 --> 00:17:15,611
Take two.
395
00:17:15,645 --> 00:17:18,311
Honey, you have every right
to be angry.
396
00:17:18,345 --> 00:17:24,211
I'm not angry. I am so
disappointed.
397
00:17:24,245 --> 00:17:26,111
Why didn't you tell me?
398
00:17:26,145 --> 00:17:31,478
Because I was just... I, I mean,
I was terrified of losing you.
399
00:17:31,511 --> 00:17:33,478
I don't know if just
being with me...
400
00:17:33,511 --> 00:17:35,478
is ever gonna be enough
for you.
401
00:17:35,511 --> 00:17:38,511
Honey, I promise you, this
will never happen again.
402
00:17:38,545 --> 00:17:40,178
Never.
403
00:17:40,211 --> 00:17:42,511
I don't wanna compel you to do
something...
404
00:17:42,545 --> 00:17:44,478
that you don't want to do.
405
00:17:46,611 --> 00:17:49,645
Why am I not enough for you?
406
00:17:49,678 --> 00:17:51,211
Oh, honey, you are,
you are, honey.
407
00:17:51,245 --> 00:17:52,645
No, no, do not touch me.
408
00:17:52,678 --> 00:17:54,045
Stop apologizing. ry. I‐‐
409
00:17:54,078 --> 00:17:55,411
Okay, okay.
410
00:17:55,445 --> 00:17:58,345
Maybe... maybe we need some
time apart.
411
00:17:58,378 --> 00:17:59,278
No.
Yeah.
412
00:17:59,311 --> 00:18:00,245
No, no, honey.
I'm gonna get the kids...
413
00:18:00,278 --> 00:18:01,411
...and I am gonna go.
No, we don't. No, honey.
414
00:18:01,445 --> 00:18:03,645
Yes. Yes, we do. I am going.
Honey. Honey, no, no, no.
415
00:18:03,678 --> 00:18:05,111
Woody! Get up.
Please, honey.
416
00:18:05,145 --> 00:18:06,245
Honey, don't leave me.
Get up.
417
00:18:06,278 --> 00:18:08,011
Please don't leave me. Please
don't leave me, honey.
418
00:18:08,045 --> 00:18:11,711
Just listen to me. I can't be
near you right now.
419
00:18:11,745 --> 00:18:17,078
I can't. I need some time
to think about this.
420
00:18:17,111 --> 00:18:21,645
Okay, but I wanna come with
you and we can think together.
421
00:18:21,678 --> 00:18:24,378
It's not about what you want.
422
00:18:24,411 --> 00:18:26,378
Is it?
No.
423
00:18:26,411 --> 00:18:28,378
Okay, okay, okay, look, I'll
go have one drink...
424
00:18:28,411 --> 00:18:32,045
with the prince and then I'll
meet you back at the hotel.
425
00:18:32,078 --> 00:18:34,045
One drink? Well, that will
be a first.
426
00:18:34,078 --> 00:18:36,045
No, no, that's, that's a
hundred per cent guaranz.
427
00:18:36,078 --> 00:18:38,045
I'll just, let's see, it's
10:45 now.
428
00:18:38,078 --> 00:18:41,578
I'll have one drink and I'll
meet you, er, at midnight.
429
00:18:41,611 --> 00:18:42,578
Okay? Midnight.
430
00:18:42,611 --> 00:18:44,578
Just get there when you
get there.
431
00:18:44,611 --> 00:18:46,045
Midnight pumpkin,
midnight pumpkin.
432
00:18:46,078 --> 00:18:47,545
What?
Oh, just a mnemonic device.
433
00:18:47,578 --> 00:18:50,478
I just, I'm, I'm glad we're
gonna talk.
434
00:18:53,278 --> 00:18:55,145
Just call the kids.
435
00:19:00,545 --> 00:19:03,445
Can you spot me a couple of LBs?
436
00:19:03,478 --> 00:19:04,978
Why do you need money?
437
00:19:05,011 --> 00:19:06,978
You're going out with
the prince.
438
00:19:07,011 --> 00:19:08,111
Daddy!
439
00:19:08,145 --> 00:19:11,578
Oh, hey, kids.
440
00:19:11,611 --> 00:19:13,578
Alright, I want you to
look after your mom.
441
00:19:13,611 --> 00:19:14,578
Okay?
442
00:19:14,611 --> 00:19:15,578
Can you do that?
443
00:19:15,611 --> 00:19:16,511
And I'll see you later.
444
00:19:16,545 --> 00:19:17,745
I thought you were coming
home with us.
445
00:19:17,778 --> 00:19:18,978
Let's watch a movie.
446
00:19:19,011 --> 00:19:21,478
Well, no, remember you guys
gotta get some rest tonight...
447
00:19:21,511 --> 00:19:24,111
because you're gonna meet
Harry Potter in the morning.
448
00:19:24,145 --> 00:19:25,445
Come home with us, Daddy.
449
00:19:25,478 --> 00:19:26,711
I can't.
You won't!
450
00:19:26,745 --> 00:19:28,278
I will, I'm just having
one drink.
451
00:19:28,311 --> 00:19:30,278
You always say that.
I don't always say that.
452
00:19:30,311 --> 00:19:32,211
Then why can't you have
a drink with us?
453
00:19:32,245 --> 00:19:33,478
With you lightweights?
454
00:19:33,511 --> 00:19:35,311
I mean, they're not gonna let
you in to a pub.
455
00:19:35,345 --> 00:19:37,345
They give hot toddies
to toddlers here.
456
00:19:37,378 --> 00:19:39,011
We can drink orange juice.
457
00:19:39,045 --> 00:19:40,645
Well‐‐
Come on, Daddy, come on.
458
00:19:40,678 --> 00:19:41,645
Okay, okay...
459
00:19:41,678 --> 00:19:44,411
Hey, honey, I... please,
please let me come home.
460
00:19:44,445 --> 00:19:46,545
You know what? Here.
461
00:19:51,445 --> 00:19:53,746
Don't spend it all on one whore.
462
00:19:59,406 --> 00:20:03,006
Hey.
Honey, Deni? You have‐‐
463
00:20:03,039 --> 00:20:05,172
Here, Daddy, take this magic
feather.
464
00:20:05,206 --> 00:20:06,539
Oh, is that a magic feather?
465
00:20:06,572 --> 00:20:08,039
It came from a magic owl.
466
00:20:08,072 --> 00:20:09,239
Oh, really?
467
00:20:09,272 --> 00:20:10,339
Yes.
468
00:20:10,372 --> 00:20:12,239
With this feather you can
talk directly to God...
469
00:20:12,272 --> 00:20:14,106
and He'll grant you one wish.
470
00:20:14,139 --> 00:20:16,306
Oh, can He make your mom love
me again?
471
00:20:16,339 --> 00:20:18,439
You can't make everyone happy,
Daddy.
472
00:20:18,472 --> 00:20:20,439
You aren't a box of puppies.
473
00:20:20,472 --> 00:20:23,472
Huh, yeah, okay.
474
00:20:23,506 --> 00:20:25,272
Well, thanks for the
feather, kid.
475
00:20:25,306 --> 00:20:27,972
Don't stress or you'll lose
your kid juice, Daddy.
476
00:20:28,006 --> 00:20:29,672
That is good advice.
477
00:20:29,706 --> 00:20:30,972
Very good advice.
478
00:20:31,006 --> 00:20:31,972
I love you.
479
00:20:32,006 --> 00:20:33,072
One wish, Daddy.
480
00:20:33,106 --> 00:20:34,439
Woody, are you ready?
481
00:20:34,472 --> 00:20:37,239
I love you, honey.
482
00:20:39,039 --> 00:20:42,006
Okay. Come.
( ENGINE STARTING )
483
00:20:42,039 --> 00:20:43,439
Let's go.
484
00:20:52,172 --> 00:20:55,506
Hey, hippie, gypsy mobile,
Scooby Doo‐style.
485
00:20:55,539 --> 00:20:57,272
Er, I didn't think it was
your best move...
486
00:20:57,306 --> 00:21:00,106
to pop into a limo full of
scantily clad ladies right now.
487
00:21:00,139 --> 00:21:01,972
Right.
488
00:21:04,572 --> 00:21:06,939
Is everything okay, Mommy?
489
00:21:06,972 --> 00:21:09,106
No.
490
00:21:14,472 --> 00:21:17,606
( MUFFLED MUSIC PLAYING )
491
00:21:29,072 --> 00:21:30,139
Tight squeeze or what.
492
00:21:35,272 --> 00:21:36,939
I'm Sayed.
493
00:21:36,972 --> 00:21:38,139
Oh, hey, Woody.
494
00:21:38,172 --> 00:21:39,706
Omar.
Hello.
495
00:21:39,739 --> 00:21:43,406
Love Annie Hall.
You‐‐ you all right?
496
00:21:43,439 --> 00:21:46,039
Er, I'm a little glum.
497
00:21:46,072 --> 00:21:47,539
Glum? Why are you glum?
498
00:21:47,572 --> 00:21:51,439
Er, just me and the wifey
have, we're just...
499
00:21:51,472 --> 00:21:53,372
we're in a little rut,
you know.
500
00:21:53,406 --> 00:21:55,239
You been with her a while?
501
00:21:55,272 --> 00:21:57,506
Yeah, since '87.
502
00:21:57,539 --> 00:21:59,506
She's the best thing that
ever happened to me.
503
00:21:59,539 --> 00:22:00,472
You know, I think being born...
504
00:22:00,506 --> 00:22:02,506
was the best thing to
ever happen to you.
505
00:22:02,539 --> 00:22:04,506
No, honestly, I wouldn't have
wanted to have been born...
506
00:22:04,539 --> 00:22:05,339
if I hadn't met her.
507
00:22:05,372 --> 00:22:08,272
I mean, she's made my
life great.
508
00:22:08,306 --> 00:22:10,272
This is‐‐ this is over
the magazine?
509
00:22:10,306 --> 00:22:12,206
Yeah. I wonder if anybody
didn't see this?
510
00:22:12,239 --> 00:22:14,272
No, everyone saw it.
511
00:22:14,306 --> 00:22:15,372
Yeah, it's on every newsstand.
512
00:22:15,406 --> 00:22:17,272
And even the people that
don't buy it, you know...
513
00:22:17,306 --> 00:22:19,272
they see the picture,
the headline.
514
00:22:19,306 --> 00:22:21,272
It's a good picture,
it's proper, sexy.
515
00:22:21,306 --> 00:22:23,272
Oh, thanks.
Not you, the birds.
516
00:22:23,306 --> 00:22:25,239
Why do you buy that filth?
517
00:22:25,272 --> 00:22:26,672
'Cause you're on the bloody
front cover.
518
00:22:26,706 --> 00:22:28,206
You're never on the front
cover of anything.
519
00:22:28,239 --> 00:22:30,339
You think I wouldn't drop
40 pence for you?
520
00:22:30,372 --> 00:22:32,106
Let's go on, boys.
521
00:22:34,306 --> 00:22:35,339
What are you doing?
522
00:22:35,372 --> 00:22:37,506
It's a hippie gypsy party.
523
00:22:37,539 --> 00:22:39,106
Did you really shag
three birds at once?
524
00:22:39,139 --> 00:22:40,639
Bruv, that is more fun than
I ever had.
525
00:22:40,672 --> 00:22:41,706
Well of course, you just
got your own two paws...
526
00:22:41,739 --> 00:22:43,572
to maul at your man clam.
Oh, shut up. Shut up.
527
00:22:43,606 --> 00:22:46,706
He's got six helping hands.
Alright, we'll see tonight then.
528
00:22:46,739 --> 00:22:48,472
Yeah, that's it...
529
00:22:48,506 --> 00:22:52,672
Hey, hey, shut up.
Hey! Shut up!
530
00:22:52,706 --> 00:22:55,339
Can't you see what the man
is going through?
531
00:22:55,372 --> 00:22:56,272
[BOTH] Sorry.
532
00:22:56,306 --> 00:22:58,606
[WOODY] You have very expressive
bodyguards.
533
00:22:58,639 --> 00:23:02,472
Bodyguards? If a bullet were
to come...
534
00:23:02,506 --> 00:23:04,039
they would shove me in
front, you know.
535
00:23:04,072 --> 00:23:05,306
They're his sons, you daft
wanker.
536
00:23:05,339 --> 00:23:07,706
Hey, hey, hey.
Oh.
537
00:23:07,739 --> 00:23:11,372
Woody, I'm sorry for what
you're going through.
538
00:23:11,406 --> 00:23:14,672
Yeah, man, this has rocked me
to my core, I gotta say.
539
00:23:14,706 --> 00:23:17,572
You know, I used to be
very religious and...
540
00:23:17,606 --> 00:23:21,606
I don't know, I guess I got
kind of side‐tracked.
541
00:23:21,639 --> 00:23:24,239
But, you know, I, I feel like...
542
00:23:24,272 --> 00:23:27,206
I need to get more
spiritual, you know.
543
00:23:27,239 --> 00:23:29,072
Like more meditation and yoga.
544
00:23:29,106 --> 00:23:31,939
And all, all signs are
pointing the same direction.
545
00:23:31,972 --> 00:23:33,572
Soul.
546
00:23:33,606 --> 00:23:35,139
So listen to more Marvin
Gaye, then.
547
00:23:35,172 --> 00:23:36,306
Ah, I see what you did there.
548
00:23:36,339 --> 00:23:38,939
You've gotta laugh to keep
yourself from crying sometimes.
549
00:23:38,972 --> 00:23:41,572
Smile though your heart
is breaking.
550
00:23:41,606 --> 00:23:44,206
Yeah, force a smile, pop a
pill, eat a pizza.
551
00:23:44,239 --> 00:23:45,939
Anything but feel it, right?
552
00:23:45,972 --> 00:23:47,972
You need a drink?
Big time.
553
00:23:48,006 --> 00:23:50,506
Well, I got just the thing
for you, baby girl.
554
00:23:50,539 --> 00:23:53,072
I know exactly what
you're going through.
555
00:23:53,106 --> 00:23:56,639
Their mother gives me no
end of torment.
556
00:23:56,672 --> 00:23:58,372
Always moody.
557
00:23:58,406 --> 00:24:00,706
I want to blow my brains
over her shoe closet.
558
00:24:00,739 --> 00:24:02,706
Yeah, all right, Pops, wouldn't
that make her moodier?
559
00:24:02,739 --> 00:24:04,506
She loves her shoes.
560
00:24:04,539 --> 00:24:08,072
Fortunately, my other
wives are more cheerful.
561
00:24:08,106 --> 00:24:11,339
More, er, youthful.
Yeah, d'you want one?
562
00:24:11,372 --> 00:24:12,606
Sort you out nicely.
Yeah?
563
00:24:12,639 --> 00:24:14,339
We got a spare one, actually.
564
00:24:14,372 --> 00:24:16,272
It's, er, Miss Skegness 1995.
565
00:24:16,306 --> 00:24:21,006
Hold on, boobs or bum? Bruv.
D'you like boobs or bum?
566
00:24:21,039 --> 00:24:21,939
Skegness.
567
00:24:21,972 --> 00:24:24,006
He's got one from
Uzbekistan. Pakistan.
568
00:24:24,039 --> 00:24:25,139
Kazak... all the 'stans'.
569
00:24:25,172 --> 00:24:27,272
Variety is the, the, the
spice of life.
570
00:24:27,306 --> 00:24:28,272
Equal opportunities.
571
00:24:28,306 --> 00:24:30,272
Equal opportunity, yes.
I like it.
572
00:24:30,306 --> 00:24:32,406
Ooh, ooh, you have reached
your destination.
573
00:24:32,439 --> 00:24:33,939
Please mind the gap.
574
00:24:33,972 --> 00:24:38,906
Okay, boys, behave yourselves.
575
00:24:47,706 --> 00:24:49,672
Okay?
Always, Pops.
576
00:24:49,706 --> 00:24:51,672
I hope I fall into a bowl
of pussy soup tonight, boy.
577
00:24:51,706 --> 00:24:52,506
Give me a second, eh.
578
00:24:52,539 --> 00:24:55,606
Let me, er, go wave my magic
wand.
579
00:24:55,639 --> 00:24:56,806
So where is your wife?
580
00:24:56,839 --> 00:25:00,472
Oh, she's, er, she's probably
heading back to the hotel.
581
00:25:00,506 --> 00:25:01,272
Oh.
582
00:25:01,306 --> 00:25:03,472
Oh, she'll be fine.
Yeah, yeah.
583
00:25:03,506 --> 00:25:07,372
I mean, I'm gonna meet
up with her later.
584
00:25:07,406 --> 00:25:08,539
Yeah, that's later.
585
00:25:08,572 --> 00:25:11,272
For now, you come with us
and have a few drinks, okay?
586
00:25:11,306 --> 00:25:13,439
Well I told her I'd have
one drink.
587
00:25:13,472 --> 00:25:15,672
One drink, that's all
I'm having.
588
00:25:15,706 --> 00:25:19,106
So we have a drink,
dance, laugh.
589
00:25:19,139 --> 00:25:22,506
Later, you go home, everything
will be okay.
590
00:25:22,539 --> 00:25:23,972
You think so?
591
00:25:24,006 --> 00:25:25,239
I know so.
592
00:25:25,272 --> 00:25:27,039
I like your confidence.
593
00:25:27,072 --> 00:25:31,372
What did you do wrong, eh?
Are you a man?
594
00:25:31,406 --> 00:25:33,539
Well, yeah, I mean, yeah.
595
00:25:33,572 --> 00:25:36,272
Every man deserves at
least three wives.
596
00:25:36,306 --> 00:25:39,139
Well, okay, I mean, I'll talk
to the missus, but‐‐
597
00:25:39,172 --> 00:25:40,539
Yeah, that's all good and all
that but what are we gonna do...
598
00:25:40,572 --> 00:25:42,272
about this God awful line?
599
00:25:42,306 --> 00:25:44,006
I wouldn't worry about that.
600
00:25:44,039 --> 00:25:45,006
Oh, yeah, why is that?
601
00:25:45,039 --> 00:25:46,239
TV‐Q.
602
00:25:46,272 --> 00:25:47,406
TV‐Q, what's that?
603
00:25:47,439 --> 00:25:48,539
Television quotient.
604
00:25:48,572 --> 00:25:50,672
You know, it's just a read
of how popular you are...
605
00:25:50,706 --> 00:25:55,306
in a given culture and
luckily my, my, er, TV‐Q...
606
00:25:55,339 --> 00:25:57,206
is pretty strong
in the Mother Country.
607
00:25:57,239 --> 00:25:58,672
Yeah. Right.
[DOORMAN] Green light. Let's go.
608
00:25:58,706 --> 00:26:00,372
Oh, yeah. See?
609
00:26:01,051 --> 00:26:04,884
And it's, Hollywood is almost
like royalty without borders.
610
00:26:04,917 --> 00:26:06,584
I, I hope that doesn't
sound arrogant.
611
00:26:06,617 --> 00:26:07,851
Don't sound humble.
612
00:26:07,884 --> 00:26:09,051
Well...
613
00:26:09,084 --> 00:26:11,917
Hey, by the way, I was wanting
to ask you, what country‐‐
614
00:26:11,951 --> 00:26:15,151
Prince Abu Ali Adullah
Bin Saltan Al Rahmani.
615
00:26:15,184 --> 00:26:16,651
That's very impressive, though.
616
00:26:16,684 --> 00:26:17,784
[WOODY] Wait, just tell 'em
I'm with you.
617
00:26:17,817 --> 00:26:19,317
Use your TVQ.
Hey.
618
00:26:19,351 --> 00:26:21,817
Spare change?
619
00:26:21,851 --> 00:26:23,984
Er, no. I don't have it.
Dude, dude, er...
620
00:26:24,017 --> 00:26:25,751
What?
I'm with him.
621
00:26:25,784 --> 00:26:28,717
With who?
With‐‐ with him, the prince.
622
00:26:28,751 --> 00:26:30,884
Which prince?
623
00:26:30,917 --> 00:26:34,584
The one‐‐ the one who just
went in. How many you got?
624
00:26:38,051 --> 00:26:39,351
Five.
625
00:26:39,384 --> 00:26:41,651
Yeah, the one who just went
in, okay?
626
00:26:41,684 --> 00:26:43,151
Well, you need to get back
down that road there.
627
00:26:43,184 --> 00:26:44,884
Yeah, get to the back, yeah?
Dude, I just came with him...
628
00:26:44,917 --> 00:26:47,951
in that van, right there.
629
00:26:47,984 --> 00:26:50,784
The prince, the prince came
in that, in that van there?
630
00:26:50,817 --> 00:26:51,917
Yeah.
631
00:26:55,184 --> 00:26:57,317
What is the prince's name?
632
00:26:57,351 --> 00:27:03,117
Er... Moham... Mustaf...
Moosh... er, His, His Highness.
633
00:27:03,151 --> 00:27:05,151
Right?
634
00:27:06,684 --> 00:27:08,784
You're not getting in here.
635
00:27:09,884 --> 00:27:12,651
Can I speak plainly?
636
00:27:12,684 --> 00:27:14,617
Why are you whispering?
637
00:27:14,651 --> 00:27:16,051
Er, I‐‐ I'm an actor.
638
00:27:16,084 --> 00:27:18,684
I thought actors were handsome.
I was.
639
00:27:18,717 --> 00:27:21,584
What have I seen you in?
Um, 'White Men Can't Jump'.
640
00:27:21,617 --> 00:27:24,184
What, from the '70s?
'90s.
641
00:27:24,217 --> 00:27:26,117
Er, 'Indecent Proposal'?
642
00:27:26,151 --> 00:27:27,951
Tear‐jerker?
Yeah. You saw it?
643
00:27:27,984 --> 00:27:30,217
No, but my grandmother loved it.
644
00:27:30,251 --> 00:27:31,917
Oh, well, tell her 'hi' from me.
645
00:27:31,951 --> 00:27:33,851
She's long dead.
646
00:27:33,884 --> 00:27:35,884
Not unlike your career.
647
00:27:39,117 --> 00:27:41,651
Anything else in this century?
648
00:27:41,684 --> 00:27:44,717
Um, okay, I'm in a play
on the West End.
649
00:27:44,751 --> 00:27:46,651
You‐‐ you like drama?
What, pay to be depressed?
650
00:27:46,684 --> 00:27:48,184
Come on, mate, get to the
back of the line.
651
00:27:48,217 --> 00:27:50,584
Oh, just go to The Edge,
alright? Go away from here.
652
00:27:50,617 --> 00:27:53,017
Okay. Er...
653
00:27:53,051 --> 00:27:54,884
♪ Making your way in the
world today ♪
654
00:27:54,917 --> 00:27:56,717
♪ Takes everything you've got ♪
655
00:27:56,751 --> 00:27:57,684
What is wrong with you?
656
00:27:57,717 --> 00:27:59,284
♪ Taking a break from all
your worries ♪
657
00:27:59,317 --> 00:28:00,684
♪ Sure would help a lot ♪
658
00:28:00,717 --> 00:28:01,784
Oi, Sinatra.
659
00:28:01,817 --> 00:28:03,684
♪ Isn't it nice to get away ♪
660
00:28:03,717 --> 00:28:06,251
♪ Sometimes you wanna go
where everybody knows ♪
661
00:28:06,284 --> 00:28:07,917
Hey, hey, hey, hey,
stop making noise there.
662
00:28:07,951 --> 00:28:11,151
Just go to the back of the line
now, you daft twat. Rubbish.
663
00:28:11,184 --> 00:28:13,184
That's what happens when
they're off the telly, isn't it?
664
00:28:13,217 --> 00:28:16,584
Yeah, no sense.
Sad, knob jockey.
665
00:28:23,917 --> 00:28:26,217
Hi.
Hi.
666
00:28:31,084 --> 00:28:34,151
Woody Allen?
Yeah.
667
00:28:34,184 --> 00:28:37,684
Hi, I'm Zrinka.
Oh, hi, nice to meet you.
668
00:28:37,717 --> 00:28:38,717
Hi, hi.
669
00:28:38,751 --> 00:28:42,084
You don't look like
you're having a good time.
670
00:28:42,117 --> 00:28:45,151
Yeah, well my friends just
went in without me.
671
00:28:45,184 --> 00:28:47,851
Well, some friends are not
very nice.
672
00:28:47,884 --> 00:28:49,151
Do you have the time?
673
00:28:49,184 --> 00:28:51,017
Um, I think it's almost 11:00.
674
00:28:51,051 --> 00:28:52,251
Yeah.
675
00:28:52,284 --> 00:28:56,017
I mean I don't even wanna go in.
I just, I gotta kill an hour.
676
00:28:56,051 --> 00:28:59,051
Whoa, kill an hour?
677
00:28:59,084 --> 00:29:01,984
Can we kill time?
678
00:29:03,617 --> 00:29:04,951
Yeah.
679
00:29:07,117 --> 00:29:09,651
Why are you holding your
breath, Woody?
680
00:29:09,684 --> 00:29:12,984
Oh, yeah, I‐‐ God, I do that.
I do that when I get stressed.
681
00:29:13,017 --> 00:29:14,584
I just‐‐
Well, don't.
682
00:29:14,617 --> 00:29:17,117
Yeah, right.
Just‐‐ just breathe.
683
00:29:17,151 --> 00:29:19,151
All doors will open.
684
00:29:20,751 --> 00:29:22,351
Yeah. Good.
685
00:29:22,384 --> 00:29:24,851
[DOORMAN]
Woody! Woody, my friend.
686
00:29:24,884 --> 00:29:26,751
Come, come, come, your prince
is looking for you.
687
00:29:26,784 --> 00:29:27,917
See?
Really?
688
00:29:27,951 --> 00:29:30,717
Yes, yes, come. Now fine boy,
eh?
689
00:29:30,751 --> 00:29:32,917
Okay, the prince wants me, okay.
690
00:29:32,951 --> 00:29:34,917
Yes, yes, the prince that
came in that crappy‐‐
691
00:29:34,951 --> 00:29:38,217
Look at the car you came inside
now, eh? Ah, funky, funky.
692
00:29:38,251 --> 00:29:39,684
Bye.
All right, come on, come on.
693
00:29:39,717 --> 00:29:42,151
No, no, just, just you.
Just you, just you.
694
00:29:42,184 --> 00:29:46,017
Oh, oh, okay, well, er, tell
the prince that I just will...
695
00:29:46,051 --> 00:29:49,117
er, wait out here until
my friend's admitted.
696
00:29:49,151 --> 00:29:51,351
Well, you just met her now.
697
00:29:51,384 --> 00:29:54,751
Yeah, but I find that friends
are easily identifiable...
698
00:29:54,784 --> 00:29:56,917
as are enemies.
699
00:29:56,951 --> 00:30:01,617
See, okay, see I'm not, I don't
want to hassle anybody, eh?
700
00:30:01,651 --> 00:30:03,284
Okay, okay, okay, come, come,
eh, come inside, come inside.
701
00:30:03,317 --> 00:30:05,851
Yeah? Okay.
We're friends now?
702
00:30:05,884 --> 00:30:08,951
Yes, now of course we are
friends. This my number, eh.
703
00:30:08,984 --> 00:30:10,651
Oh, okay.
Any time you want to come...
704
00:30:10,684 --> 00:30:11,684
Hmm.
I'll put you on the list.
705
00:30:11,717 --> 00:30:15,751
Just call me. V‐V‐I‐P,
very, very important person.
706
00:30:15,784 --> 00:30:16,917
Okay.
707
00:30:16,951 --> 00:30:17,984
Also, er, if you want to come
to my mother's house...
708
00:30:18,017 --> 00:30:22,751
she makes the best
authentic Nigerian lamb stew.
709
00:30:22,784 --> 00:30:25,784
Sweet meat.
Okay, well, I'm a vegetarian.
710
00:30:25,817 --> 00:30:28,851
Why, man? Why?
711
00:30:30,351 --> 00:30:32,717
Wait. My card is there so just,
it's there.
712
00:30:32,751 --> 00:30:35,717
Okay. I got it, so, thank you,
no, no, I got your‐‐ I got‐‐
713
00:30:35,751 --> 00:30:38,151
I'm gonna call you and
then you'll have my digis.
714
00:30:38,184 --> 00:30:39,751
[DOORMAN] Yes, Woody‐Woody.
Thanks, guys.
715
00:30:39,784 --> 00:30:40,917
Yeah, yeah.
[DOORMAN] Five boy.
716
00:30:40,951 --> 00:30:42,651
Oh, that's, that's great.
717
00:30:45,151 --> 00:30:48,017
Okay. Butthole.
718
00:30:48,051 --> 00:30:50,851
Whoa... is this your best self?
719
00:30:50,884 --> 00:30:53,217
I'm not sure I own a best self.
720
00:30:53,251 --> 00:30:55,117
Well you need to love
yourself...
721
00:30:55,151 --> 00:30:57,217
before you can be your best
self.
722
00:30:57,251 --> 00:31:00,584
Well, that's exactly why I
drink. Can I get you something?
723
00:31:00,617 --> 00:31:02,617
No, no, no, I'll get
you something.
724
00:31:02,651 --> 00:31:04,317
Well, no, no, it's on me,
I insist.
725
00:31:04,351 --> 00:31:07,284
Okay. Thank you.
726
00:31:07,317 --> 00:31:09,017
Do you wanna know what I want?
727
00:31:09,051 --> 00:31:11,351
I know what you need.
728
00:31:11,384 --> 00:31:15,151
( MUSIC PLAYING )
729
00:32:00,384 --> 00:32:03,684
Hey, TV‐Q, you made it!
Oh, hey.
730
00:32:03,717 --> 00:32:04,884
I'm just messing with you,
you know that, mate.
731
00:32:04,917 --> 00:32:06,117
Yeah, thanks for your help
on that.
732
00:32:06,151 --> 00:32:09,617
It's all good.
Wassup!
733
00:32:09,651 --> 00:32:10,817
You want a shot of Patrón?
734
00:32:10,851 --> 00:32:13,251
Come on, let's get off our tits
and dance like Tina Turner.
735
00:32:13,284 --> 00:32:16,317
Okay.
Right, look at me. Look at me.
736
00:32:16,351 --> 00:32:18,051
I love you, baby girl,
and you love me.
737
00:32:18,084 --> 00:32:19,151
Right.
738
00:32:19,184 --> 00:32:20,251
And never would I steer
you wrong.
739
00:32:20,284 --> 00:32:22,984
I love you all to the maximus.
740
00:32:23,017 --> 00:32:25,317
Oh, bring it in, come on,
yes, that's it.
741
00:32:25,351 --> 00:32:27,684
Got a lot of love.
742
00:32:27,717 --> 00:32:30,117
Guys, shots all round, yeah?
743
00:32:32,984 --> 00:32:34,684
Hey, Woody, are you okay?
744
00:32:34,717 --> 00:32:37,684
Er, it's just the wifey and
I are having a little issue.
745
00:32:37,717 --> 00:32:41,117
Yeah, I read the news today.
Oh, boy.
746
00:32:41,151 --> 00:32:42,984
I guess these things just
happen, though.
747
00:32:43,017 --> 00:32:44,717
Here.
Oh, thanks, babe.
748
00:32:44,751 --> 00:32:46,984
You know, weirdly, a
similar thing happened...
749
00:32:47,017 --> 00:32:48,284
to me and my boyfriend.
750
00:32:48,317 --> 00:32:50,884
Oh, really? Well, what'd you do?
751
00:32:50,917 --> 00:32:53,851
Well, I left him. Shot?
752
00:32:53,884 --> 00:32:54,884
Come.
753
00:32:56,217 --> 00:32:58,084
Thank you.
754
00:32:58,117 --> 00:33:01,284
Right, here's to friends...
755
00:33:01,317 --> 00:33:06,351
through thick and thin, Peter
out or Peter in.
756
00:33:06,384 --> 00:33:10,951
Eh, eh, eh, eh, and here
is to Woody, a real man.
757
00:33:10,984 --> 00:33:12,917
A real man!
758
00:33:18,217 --> 00:33:19,784
I don't like it!
759
00:33:19,817 --> 00:33:21,851
( MUSIC CONTINUES )
760
00:33:35,884 --> 00:33:37,684
Where you going?
Go to the side, mate.
761
00:33:37,717 --> 00:33:40,051
Yeah.
762
00:33:40,084 --> 00:33:42,784
That's it, reel 'em in,
reel 'em in.
763
00:33:57,817 --> 00:34:00,917
( MUSIC CHANGES )
764
00:34:33,884 --> 00:34:36,151
Dude.
765
00:34:36,184 --> 00:34:37,851
Dude.
Dude.
766
00:34:37,884 --> 00:34:40,684
Dude, what are you doing
here, man?
767
00:34:40,717 --> 00:34:42,917
I just came in for a
meeting, but dude...
768
00:34:42,951 --> 00:34:44,684
Ah, just who I needed to
see right now.
769
00:34:44,717 --> 00:34:46,884
What happened?
Oh, you see it?
770
00:34:46,917 --> 00:34:49,651
Yeah, I don't understand
how it came out.
771
00:34:49,684 --> 00:34:50,451
Oh, I don't know.
772
00:34:50,484 --> 00:34:52,651
I mean these things do come
out.
773
00:34:52,684 --> 00:34:55,651
I know, but didn't you talk to
Marty? Everybody talks to Marty.
774
00:34:55,684 --> 00:34:57,184
Yeah, I did, I‐‐ I talked
to Marty, of course.
775
00:34:57,217 --> 00:34:59,684
Right?
Yeah, and he wanted 30K.
776
00:34:59,717 --> 00:35:01,017
Okay.
777
00:35:01,051 --> 00:35:02,851
I mean, that's highway
robbery, dude.
778
00:35:02,884 --> 00:35:05,884
Wait a second, Woody,
you didn't pay?
779
00:35:05,917 --> 00:35:07,651
No, I, I, I tried to negotiate.
780
00:35:07,684 --> 00:35:10,084
No, you can't negotiate
with Marty.
781
00:35:10,117 --> 00:35:12,684
Well he, he's a lawyer,
lawyers do negotiate.
782
00:35:12,717 --> 00:35:15,151
No, no, you, you wanna know who
tried to negotiate?
783
00:35:15,184 --> 00:35:17,717
Peewee and Tiger...
you wanna know who didn't?
784
00:35:17,751 --> 00:35:20,651
Clooney, with Lady Gaga and the
midgets, the little people.
785
00:35:20,684 --> 00:35:23,017
I never heard about that.
Because they didn't negotiate.
786
00:35:23,051 --> 00:35:25,651
I mean, d'you ever hear
about Daniel Day Lewis?
787
00:35:25,684 --> 00:35:26,951
No.
Exactly.
788
00:35:26,984 --> 00:35:29,884
And you never will,
because he paid.
789
00:35:29,917 --> 00:35:32,984
Come on, how can you think you
can get away without paying?
790
00:35:33,017 --> 00:35:35,051
I mean, you know from
McConaughey, if something...
791
00:35:35,084 --> 00:35:36,717
terrible's coming out.
What?
792
00:35:36,751 --> 00:35:38,051
You know from your buddy
McConaughey...
793
00:35:38,084 --> 00:35:39,317
if something terrible's
gonna come out‐‐
794
00:35:39,351 --> 00:35:41,651
No, dude, wait, wait, I don't
know about McConaughey. What?
795
00:35:41,684 --> 00:35:44,617
You don't know about that?
No, no, what happened?
796
00:35:44,651 --> 00:35:46,251
I don't wanna be the one
to tell you.
797
00:35:46,284 --> 00:35:47,951
Oh, dude, just, just tell me.
798
00:35:47,984 --> 00:35:50,184
They got a picture.
Oh, no.
799
00:35:50,217 --> 00:35:51,284
Yeah.
What?
800
00:35:51,317 --> 00:35:53,017
Fat.
Fat?
801
00:35:53,051 --> 00:35:54,717
Fat.
802
00:35:54,751 --> 00:35:57,717
Dude, he, he's got the
best torso in the business.
803
00:35:57,751 --> 00:35:59,951
El Gordo. Buddha.
804
00:35:59,984 --> 00:36:02,751
That's why he paid, so
you never saw it.
805
00:36:02,784 --> 00:36:05,617
I'm amazed.
Come on, let's get a drink.
806
00:36:05,651 --> 00:36:07,317
Dude, why didn't I pay, man?
807
00:36:07,351 --> 00:36:09,117
Can we get a drink here?
808
00:36:12,817 --> 00:36:14,217
Does Laura know?
809
00:36:14,251 --> 00:36:15,617
Er, yeah, yeah.
810
00:36:15,651 --> 00:36:17,784
You know, we're gonna talk,
er, tonight.
811
00:36:17,817 --> 00:36:21,617
Oh... what are you gonna say?
812
00:36:21,651 --> 00:36:23,984
I don't know.
Yeah, what am I gonna say?
813
00:36:24,017 --> 00:36:25,984
What?
To people.
814
00:36:26,017 --> 00:36:27,984
I mean, it's well known I'm
your best friend.
815
00:36:28,017 --> 00:36:29,984
This doesn't look good for
me either.
816
00:36:30,017 --> 00:36:32,717
And I guarantee my mom's
gonna grill me about this.
817
00:36:32,751 --> 00:36:35,117
I'm gonna be like "I don't
know what Woody's problem is".
818
00:36:35,151 --> 00:36:37,884
It's like, I mean obviously it's
not about me right now, but...
819
00:36:37,917 --> 00:36:39,284
( SIGHS )
820
00:36:39,317 --> 00:36:42,184
What was Laura's reaction
when you told her?
821
00:36:42,217 --> 00:36:44,017
Um...
How did‐‐
822
00:36:44,051 --> 00:36:47,684
I‐‐ I...
You let it blindside her?
823
00:36:47,717 --> 00:36:50,684
Dude, you know what? I‐‐ I hate
Murdoch, man, I hate tabloids.
824
00:36:50,717 --> 00:36:52,684
He's a cancer.
Hey, wait a second.
825
00:36:52,717 --> 00:36:55,684
No, no, Woody, it's not
Murdoch. Come on, it's you.
826
00:36:55,717 --> 00:36:58,351
I think we gotta start with
accepting some responsibility.
827
00:36:58,384 --> 00:37:02,684
Yeah, I... I mean I was weak,
I guess, you know, and...
828
00:37:02,717 --> 00:37:05,051
Yeah, and a little bit
of a coward.
829
00:37:05,084 --> 00:37:06,051
What?
830
00:37:06,084 --> 00:37:07,351
Coward for not telling her.
831
00:37:07,384 --> 00:37:08,417
Yeah.
832
00:37:08,451 --> 00:37:10,351
Look, I don't wanna judge
you for what you did.
833
00:37:10,384 --> 00:37:12,351
Clearly it was wrong,
but the thing is...
834
00:37:12,384 --> 00:37:14,351
But that feels like a
judgement, O.
835
00:37:14,384 --> 00:37:15,184
No, no, no, that's a fact.
836
00:37:15,217 --> 00:37:17,351
And right now we gotta face
facts.
837
00:37:17,384 --> 00:37:20,084
Fact: you cheated on Laura
with a bunch of hookers.
838
00:37:20,117 --> 00:37:22,784
They weren't hookers.
Fact: you let it blindside her.
839
00:37:22,817 --> 00:37:23,984
Well, yeah.
840
00:37:24,017 --> 00:37:27,017
Fact: you gotta brace yourself
for maybe a big element...
841
00:37:27,051 --> 00:37:30,017
of the public that's just gonna
think you're a scumbag.
842
00:37:30,051 --> 00:37:32,017
Obviously not me, I'm your
friend.
843
00:37:32,051 --> 00:37:34,217
I'm gonna support you, but‐‐
Thanks, buddy.
844
00:37:34,251 --> 00:37:36,851
How do you support a scumbag?
That's our challenge.
845
00:37:36,884 --> 00:37:38,851
Owen Wilson.
Yeah.
846
00:37:38,884 --> 00:37:40,317
Hi, I knew it was you, dude.
I love you.
847
00:37:40,351 --> 00:37:41,484
I must have seen 'You, Me and
Dupree and Zoolander'...
848
00:37:41,517 --> 00:37:44,117
like 50 times, like everything
you do, you are the man.
849
00:37:44,151 --> 00:37:46,284
I gotta admit, my ears do prick
up with a little praise...
850
00:37:46,317 --> 00:37:48,584
but I got a man
overboard right now.
851
00:37:48,617 --> 00:37:51,717
So let me just shake your
hand and ask you to step off.
852
00:37:51,751 --> 00:37:53,251
Thank you, 'cause we're in
crisis mode.
853
00:37:53,284 --> 00:37:54,684
Yeah, sure.
Thank you.
854
00:37:54,717 --> 00:37:57,017
Okay, where were we?
I'm a scumbag?
855
00:37:57,051 --> 00:37:58,817
Yeah, and what are we gonna
do about it?
856
00:37:58,851 --> 00:38:00,917
Because we gotta do something...
857
00:38:00,951 --> 00:38:03,651
because I can't imagine
you without Laura.
858
00:38:03,684 --> 00:38:05,684
I can imag‐‐ and I'm not saying
this to be mean...
859
00:38:05,717 --> 00:38:07,651
I can imagine Laura
without you...
860
00:38:07,684 --> 00:38:10,651
but you without Laura
does not work.
861
00:38:10,684 --> 00:38:11,617
Well, that's true, man,
I mean‐‐
862
00:38:11,651 --> 00:38:14,351
Right? I mean it's like,
it's just really sad.
863
00:38:14,384 --> 00:38:16,917
Yeah, I mean it's like a, like
a mangy dog...
864
00:38:16,951 --> 00:38:18,584
that no one wants to pat or...
865
00:38:18,617 --> 00:38:19,951
'Cause it smells bad and
you're just like...
866
00:38:19,984 --> 00:38:21,351
"Get this dog out of here".
867
00:38:21,384 --> 00:38:23,017
Yeah, it's like blind in
one eye...
868
00:38:23,051 --> 00:38:25,117
wandering down the road at
night. It's just...
869
00:38:25,151 --> 00:38:27,317
And you know he's never
gonna make it to daybreak...
870
00:38:27,351 --> 00:38:29,851
'cause he's gonna get run over
by a cab or something.
871
00:38:29,884 --> 00:38:32,617
Dude, dude, I can't‐‐
I can't lose her, man.
872
00:38:32,651 --> 00:38:34,217
And, hey...
I cannot lose her.
873
00:38:34,251 --> 00:38:36,684
Whoa, whoa, you're not, hey,
we can figure this out.
874
00:38:36,717 --> 00:38:37,917
Look at me.
Really?
875
00:38:37,951 --> 00:38:40,951
Yes, okay? Where there's a will
there's a way, all right?
876
00:38:40,984 --> 00:38:41,984
But we gotta change your
energy...
877
00:38:42,017 --> 00:38:44,584
because I feel like I'm talking
to a dead man.
878
00:38:44,617 --> 00:38:46,884
It's like you got ghost eyes
right now. Come on, hydrate.
879
00:38:46,917 --> 00:38:48,117
Dude, I feel...
Drink this.
880
00:38:48,151 --> 00:38:49,884
Okay, okay, what is it?
Just down it.
881
00:38:49,917 --> 00:38:52,351
It's a Cosmopolitan,
it's a man's drink, come on.
882
00:38:52,384 --> 00:38:56,651
You gotta get like, loosen up
a little bit.
883
00:38:56,684 --> 00:38:59,017
Okay, come on, roll the
shoulders. Let's start moving.
884
00:38:59,051 --> 00:39:00,151
How do you‐‐
885
00:39:00,184 --> 00:39:01,084
Get the blood flowing.
Okay, yeah.
886
00:39:01,117 --> 00:39:02,051
Okay, it feels better to
start moving, right?
887
00:39:02,084 --> 00:39:03,184
You're right, yeah,
I haven't been exercising.
888
00:39:03,217 --> 00:39:05,351
Okay, let's figure this out.
Come on, throw some punches.
889
00:39:05,384 --> 00:39:06,917
Okay.
Change your energy a little bit.
890
00:39:06,951 --> 00:39:08,151
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
891
00:39:08,184 --> 00:39:10,251
Okay, now I've known you and
Laura for a long time, right?
892
00:39:10,284 --> 00:39:11,484
Yeah.
893
00:39:11,517 --> 00:39:14,184
Okay, now the one beautiful
thing that I've always seen...
894
00:39:14,217 --> 00:39:16,584
between the two of you is...
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
895
00:39:16,617 --> 00:39:18,017
No fighting.
896
00:39:18,051 --> 00:39:20,251
No, no, no, we're not fighting,
we're...
897
00:39:20,284 --> 00:39:22,817
We're actually saving a
man's life right here.
898
00:39:22,851 --> 00:39:25,217
Yeah, it's cool, it's cool.
It's okay.
899
00:39:25,251 --> 00:39:29,017
Okay.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
900
00:39:29,051 --> 00:39:30,317
Okay.
901
00:39:30,351 --> 00:39:32,017
So what, what is it
I say to Laura?
902
00:39:32,051 --> 00:39:34,717
It's not what you say, I think
it's what you do, but...
903
00:39:34,751 --> 00:39:37,317
get your energy up, come on.
Okay, okay, I'm like...
904
00:39:37,351 --> 00:39:39,051
Come on, it's like a zombie.
Right.
905
00:39:39,084 --> 00:39:42,357
Loosen up, do your Elvis.
You're good at your Elvis.
906
00:39:47,451 --> 00:39:49,418
Okay.
Give me a smile.
907
00:39:49,451 --> 00:39:51,418
Let me see a little twinkle.
Give me a smile.
908
00:39:51,451 --> 00:39:53,418
Come on, a real one...
both rows of teeth.
909
00:39:53,451 --> 00:39:55,418
There you go, keep punching,
keep punching.
910
00:39:55,451 --> 00:39:57,418
Yeah, yeah.
Okay, you ready?
911
00:39:57,451 --> 00:39:58,418
Yeah, I'm ready, man.
912
00:39:58,451 --> 00:40:00,418
Okay, I'm gonna sprinkle you
with some gold dust.
913
00:40:00,451 --> 00:40:02,418
Oh, that's what I want.
I'm gonna lay it on you.
914
00:40:02,451 --> 00:40:04,318
Come on, buddy, what do I do?
915
00:40:04,351 --> 00:40:05,284
Pray.
916
00:40:05,318 --> 00:40:08,318
Oh, dude, pray? Dude, are you
kidding me?
917
00:40:08,351 --> 00:40:10,318
Jesus, I mean, that's
just begging in disguise.
918
00:40:10,351 --> 00:40:12,318
What, have you been tap
dancing this whole time?
919
00:40:12,351 --> 00:40:13,418
No, no, no‐‐ that,
that's step one.
920
00:40:13,451 --> 00:40:15,184
You didn't let me get
to step two.
921
00:40:15,218 --> 00:40:19,718
Obviously, prayer without
action is meaningless. Okay?
922
00:40:19,751 --> 00:40:21,851
Now's the action part.
Okay.
923
00:40:21,884 --> 00:40:24,251
Sometimes we gotta admit we need
something, we gotta be able...
924
00:40:24,284 --> 00:40:27,018
to lean on something
stronger than us, right?
925
00:40:27,051 --> 00:40:28,284
Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.
926
00:40:28,318 --> 00:40:32,018
So maybe you're not the best
person to carry this message...
927
00:40:32,051 --> 00:40:33,818
of contrition to Laura.
928
00:40:33,851 --> 00:40:35,184
Okay, right, right.
Okay, so...
929
00:40:35,218 --> 00:40:36,751
You see where I'm going?
Where are you from?
930
00:40:36,784 --> 00:40:37,884
Er, Texas.
931
00:40:37,918 --> 00:40:39,818
Where am I from?
Texas.
932
00:40:39,851 --> 00:40:41,818
And who's the Texas Dalai Lama.
933
00:40:41,851 --> 00:40:43,751
[GIRL] Eli Cash?
Come on, you know this.
934
00:40:43,784 --> 00:40:45,284
Hi.
Hi.
935
00:40:45,318 --> 00:40:46,784
Yeah, hi.
936
00:40:48,818 --> 00:40:50,218
This is Owen.
No, no, she's talking...
937
00:40:50,251 --> 00:40:52,118
about my character...
She's, she's saying Eli.
938
00:40:52,151 --> 00:40:53,351
from 'The Royal Tenenbaums'.
939
00:40:53,384 --> 00:40:55,051
I love that scene.
940
00:40:55,084 --> 00:40:56,918
Which scene?
Well, every scene...
941
00:40:56,951 --> 00:40:59,984
but what is the book that your‐‐
your character writes about?
942
00:41:00,018 --> 00:41:01,118
Is it Geronimo?
943
00:41:01,151 --> 00:41:02,218
Hey, guys.
No, no, Custer.
944
00:41:02,251 --> 00:41:03,418
Old Custer, remember?
945
00:41:03,451 --> 00:41:04,551
Of course, 'cause...
946
00:41:04,584 --> 00:41:07,084
everybody knows that Custer
died at Little Big Horn.
947
00:41:07,118 --> 00:41:10,384
What this book presupposes
is "Maybe he didn't!".
948
00:41:10,418 --> 00:41:13,284
I love that, honestly, it's...
That's a good scene, yeah.
949
00:41:13,318 --> 00:41:15,218
one of my favorite moments, in
one of my favorite films ever.
950
00:41:15,251 --> 00:41:16,218
Yeah, thank you.
951
00:41:16,251 --> 00:41:18,318
But I also love 'Did You
Just Call Me Coltrane?'.
952
00:41:18,351 --> 00:41:20,251
Uh, no, but if I did, you...
953
00:41:20,284 --> 00:41:21,651
O...
..couldn't do anything about it.
954
00:41:21,684 --> 00:41:23,118
You don't think so?
O, Owen.
955
00:41:23,151 --> 00:41:25,251
Oh, no, I don't. Oh, you
wanna talk some jive?
956
00:41:25,284 --> 00:41:26,884
Oh, I'll talk some jive
like you've never...
957
00:41:26,918 --> 00:41:28,784
Owen, Owen, can we get back to
me for a second, dude?!
958
00:41:28,818 --> 00:41:31,818
Sit down! I said sit down!
Hey, whoa.
959
00:41:31,851 --> 00:41:34,318
It's always me, me, me
with this guy.
960
00:41:34,351 --> 00:41:36,751
Early onset narcissism.
Really?
961
00:41:36,784 --> 00:41:37,951
No, dude, it's not that.
962
00:41:37,984 --> 00:41:40,684
It's just that I don't have
time to attend a Wes Anderson...
963
00:41:40,718 --> 00:41:43,218
film festival while my life
is imploding.
964
00:41:43,251 --> 00:41:45,351
Okay, but there's a polite
way to say that.
965
00:41:45,384 --> 00:41:47,851
Yeah, there's also a polite,
less vain way to say...
966
00:41:47,884 --> 00:41:49,784
thank you when someone
compliments your film...
967
00:41:49,818 --> 00:41:51,951
as opposed to acting every scene
out for 'em...
968
00:41:51,984 --> 00:41:53,218
like Norma frickin' Desmond.
969
00:41:53,251 --> 00:41:55,284
Okay, take the bass out of your
voice when you're talking to me.
970
00:41:55,318 --> 00:41:56,951
No, no, no, I'm sorry,
I shouldn't have bothered you.
971
00:41:56,984 --> 00:41:58,184
Listen, I know you're going
through a divorce.
972
00:41:58,218 --> 00:41:59,684
That's heartbreaking for you.
No, it's all right, it's jus‐‐
973
00:41:59,718 --> 00:42:00,651
You gotta forgive this guy...
974
00:42:00,684 --> 00:42:02,318
Wes Anderson movies go right
over his head.
975
00:42:02,351 --> 00:42:03,384
[GIRL] Okay.
976
00:42:03,418 --> 00:42:04,184
Let's shake it off.
No, no, dude, I get 'em fine.
977
00:42:04,218 --> 00:42:06,384
The fact is, I just don't
care.
978
00:42:06,418 --> 00:42:08,351
Oh, now all of a sudden
you don't like Wes.
979
00:42:08,384 --> 00:42:10,051
You're like a pit bull tonight.
980
00:42:10,084 --> 00:42:11,651
No, dude, it's not that.
981
00:42:11,684 --> 00:42:14,318
It's just that he's just,
he's kind of, I don't know...
982
00:42:14,351 --> 00:42:16,784
What?
Precious.
983
00:42:16,818 --> 00:42:17,951
Precious?
Yeah.
984
00:42:17,984 --> 00:42:19,118
No, he's not.
Precious.
985
00:42:19,151 --> 00:42:22,118
His films, they're just, they're
kind of precious, really.
986
00:42:22,151 --> 00:42:23,351
You know?
987
00:42:23,384 --> 00:42:25,884
When you're talking about his
films, you know, I'm involved...
988
00:42:25,918 --> 00:42:28,851
in some of those, so you're kind
of insulting me also.
989
00:42:28,884 --> 00:42:30,418
No, dude, it has nothing
to do with you.
990
00:42:30,451 --> 00:42:31,851
Yes, it does have something‐‐
It's just the way that he...
991
00:42:31,884 --> 00:42:33,218
shoots 'em is a little,
you know...
992
00:42:33,251 --> 00:42:34,818
Precious, I know, you
keep saying that.
993
00:42:34,851 --> 00:42:36,151
No, it's like he's trying
too hard.
994
00:42:36,184 --> 00:42:38,884
You know‐‐ it's self‐conscious,
you know what I mean?
995
00:42:38,918 --> 00:42:41,351
I really don't feel like sitting
here and letting you insult...
996
00:42:41,384 --> 00:42:42,518
my best friend Wes...
997
00:42:42,551 --> 00:42:45,018
especially when I'm trying to
help you and trying to‐‐
998
00:42:45,051 --> 00:42:47,184
Your best friend?
Yeah, Wes, my best friend.
999
00:42:47,218 --> 00:42:48,318
I think it's kinda bad taste
'cause I'm...
1000
00:42:48,351 --> 00:42:49,518
Dude, what are you talking...
1001
00:42:49,551 --> 00:42:52,684
You, you've said for years and
you just said a few seconds...
1002
00:42:52,718 --> 00:42:54,351
ago that you're my
best friend.
1003
00:42:54,384 --> 00:42:56,318
Yeah, I'm your best friend.
1004
00:42:56,351 --> 00:42:58,151
But just because you're the
best man...
1005
00:42:58,184 --> 00:43:00,018
at somebody's wedding, doesn't
mean they're gonna be...
1006
00:43:00,051 --> 00:43:01,318
the best man at your wedding,
right?
1007
00:43:01,351 --> 00:43:02,951
Dude, dude, okay, I cannot‐‐
1008
00:43:02,984 --> 00:43:05,084
I can't even process this
right now.
1009
00:43:05,118 --> 00:43:07,784
But even if I could, why would
you say this to me now...
1010
00:43:07,818 --> 00:43:10,784
when I'm at my lowest point
and I most need uplift?
1011
00:43:10,818 --> 00:43:13,351
I'm sorry , but I am trying
to give you uplift.
1012
00:43:13,384 --> 00:43:15,418
But we were talking about
facing facts...
1013
00:43:15,451 --> 00:43:17,418
I mean we're not
in kindergarten.
1014
00:43:17,451 --> 00:43:18,918
So what if Wes is my
best friend?
1015
00:43:18,951 --> 00:43:20,384
Would you stop saying
that, dude?!
1016
00:43:20,418 --> 00:43:22,384
Hey, you need to snap out
of it and face reality...
1017
00:43:22,418 --> 00:43:24,751
okay, 'cause in the real
world...
1018
00:43:24,784 --> 00:43:26,918
I've known Wes a decade
longer than you.
1019
00:43:26,951 --> 00:43:29,318
He's a great film‐maker and
he's my best friend.
1020
00:43:29,351 --> 00:43:30,518
Now can we get back to‐‐
1021
00:43:30,551 --> 00:43:33,051
Oh, okay, real world, real
world? You want real world, O?
1022
00:43:33,084 --> 00:43:34,884
Huh?
That's where I try to live.
1023
00:43:34,918 --> 00:43:37,951
Okay, in the real world,
your best friend, Wes...
1024
00:43:37,984 --> 00:43:39,884
is a Woody Allen wannabe...
1025
00:43:39,918 --> 00:43:42,684
and he hasn't made a good
movie since 'Bottle Rocket'.
1026
00:43:42,718 --> 00:43:46,151
And, come to think of
it, neither have you.
1027
00:43:46,184 --> 00:43:48,384
That's a dumb line, you know...
1028
00:43:48,418 --> 00:43:52,018
that's a really, that's
a dumb thing to say.
1029
00:43:53,751 --> 00:43:54,818
Yeah.
Yeah.
1030
00:43:54,851 --> 00:43:56,051
Yeah... yeah.
1031
00:43:56,084 --> 00:43:59,051
Yeah. You know what?
I've never, er... hey...
1032
00:43:59,084 --> 00:44:00,918
Yeah, and you know what?
And here's the thing...
1033
00:44:00,951 --> 00:44:02,651
is I got a movie star chin...
1034
00:44:02,684 --> 00:44:04,351
and you got a weak,
little, chia‐seed chin.
1035
00:44:04,384 --> 00:44:07,684
You ever noticed that? Huh?
1036
00:44:07,718 --> 00:44:08,918
You know, I've never told
you this...
1037
00:44:08,951 --> 00:44:12,018
but maybe now's a good time,
they offered me 'Larry Flynt'.
1038
00:44:12,051 --> 00:44:16,018
What? The Ed Norton part?
1039
00:44:16,051 --> 00:44:17,784
Er, no, your part.
1040
00:44:17,818 --> 00:44:19,651
No, dude, you couldn't play
that.
1041
00:44:19,684 --> 00:44:22,251
Oh, I couldn't? "Hey, look at
me, I'm Larry Flynt.
1042
00:44:22,284 --> 00:44:24,918
"I'm in a wheelchair.
You're out of order."
1043
00:44:24,951 --> 00:44:27,418
Hey, it's a lot more than
just being in a wheelchair.
1044
00:44:27,451 --> 00:44:30,118
The fact is it's, it's, it's
a love story.
1045
00:44:30,151 --> 00:44:32,751
Yeah, you know what I find
helps to sell a love story...
1046
00:44:32,784 --> 00:44:34,751
is having a little sex appeal...
1047
00:44:34,784 --> 00:44:36,751
which you haven't had
since the '80s.
1048
00:44:36,784 --> 00:44:38,318
I had it well into the
'90s, dude.
1049
00:44:38,351 --> 00:44:41,651
Oh, yeah, you were just oozing
sex appeal in 'Kingpin'.
1050
00:44:41,684 --> 00:44:44,951
You know Will Farrell
stole 'Wedding Crashers'.
1051
00:44:44,984 --> 00:44:46,051
Yeah, and he stole 'Semi Pro'...
1052
00:44:46,084 --> 00:44:48,784
but no‐one saw it probably
because you were in it.
1053
00:44:48,818 --> 00:44:51,318
You got out acted by a dog...
1054
00:44:51,351 --> 00:44:52,651
in 'Marley and Me'.
No, I didn't.
1055
00:44:52,684 --> 00:44:55,351
Oh, Marley, Marley, Marley.
1056
00:44:55,384 --> 00:44:58,084
You're... you're a child.
You're a punk.
1057
00:44:58,118 --> 00:44:59,818
You're a prick.
You're a dick.
1058
00:44:59,851 --> 00:45:02,718
It's like I always say, you're
the world's angriest hippy.
1059
00:45:02,751 --> 00:45:04,951
Hey, I'm not angry, asshole.
1060
00:45:10,084 --> 00:45:13,384
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Is
that... he's got TV‐Q, mate.
1061
00:45:15,184 --> 00:45:17,218
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
1062
00:45:17,251 --> 00:45:21,184
Go on, bruv, go on.
Get him, get him. Go on.
1063
00:45:21,218 --> 00:45:24,651
Hey, hold on. This bloke,
he looks familiar.
1064
00:45:24,684 --> 00:45:25,851
I was just gonna say, don't
he look like that guy...
1065
00:45:25,884 --> 00:45:28,051
Er, hang on. Jennifer Lopez in
the jungle with the snake.
1066
00:45:28,084 --> 00:45:29,284
What's it called?
1067
00:45:29,318 --> 00:45:30,318
[OWEN] 'Anaconda'.
1068
00:45:30,351 --> 00:45:33,118
Yes! He's got the voice as well.
I love this guy.
1069
00:45:33,151 --> 00:45:34,118
Yeah, me too, mate.
[OWEN] Yeah, that's me.
1070
00:45:34,151 --> 00:45:35,984
Can we get a quick picture?
Is that alright?
1071
00:45:36,018 --> 00:45:38,818
I'd like to look a little
bit more presentable.
1072
00:45:38,851 --> 00:45:40,884
No, you look great. You look
fine. Come on. Here we go.
1073
00:45:40,918 --> 00:45:42,784
Feeling alright? Let's do that.
Alright, let's do this.
1074
00:45:42,818 --> 00:45:44,251
Alright? You ready?
1075
00:45:44,284 --> 00:45:46,418
Three... two, one.
1076
00:45:46,451 --> 00:45:48,718
Yes! Let's get him a drink.
Come on.
1077
00:45:48,751 --> 00:45:50,318
What's your Facebook?
Mojito, yeah?
1078
00:45:50,351 --> 00:45:52,218
With mint and cocktail sticks.
1079
00:45:57,451 --> 00:45:59,384
[MAN IN CROWD] Cops are here!
1080
00:46:03,318 --> 00:46:05,784
Hey, hey, in a little trouble,
wake up.
1081
00:46:05,818 --> 00:46:08,284
Look, Mommy, there's
an airplane up in the sky.
1082
00:46:08,318 --> 00:46:10,351
Come on. Okay, er, you'll have
to come with me, okay?
1083
00:46:10,384 --> 00:46:12,751
What, what‐‐ what happened?
1084
00:46:12,784 --> 00:46:15,151
You were fighting, the police
are here.
1085
00:46:15,184 --> 00:46:17,384
Where, where, where's,
where's Owen?
1086
00:46:17,418 --> 00:46:19,418
Just go, just go. Okay?
1087
00:46:19,451 --> 00:46:22,051
Where is he? Oh, no.
1088
00:46:22,084 --> 00:46:23,984
I, I have to, I have go back,
I have to go...
1089
00:46:24,018 --> 00:46:26,118
No, no, no, no, no.
No, no, cops are there.
1090
00:46:26,151 --> 00:46:29,084
Come on.
Oh, no, man. Oh, no.
1091
00:46:29,118 --> 00:46:30,951
Oh god.
What is it?
1092
00:46:30,984 --> 00:46:33,784
Are you okay?
I just got into a fight with...
1093
00:46:33,818 --> 00:46:37,318
I, I, I just‐‐
why are you helping me?
1094
00:46:37,351 --> 00:46:39,318
Because you looked like
you needed help.
1095
00:46:39,351 --> 00:46:40,818
I mean, do you always
help people?
1096
00:46:40,851 --> 00:46:45,884
Ah, people, birds, dogs,
yeah, that's me.
1097
00:46:50,751 --> 00:46:52,818
Okay, okay, okay, hurry up.
1098
00:46:58,418 --> 00:47:00,051
Go in there.
1099
00:47:00,084 --> 00:47:03,151
Oh my god, what is going
on tonight?
1100
00:47:03,184 --> 00:47:06,418
It's just like I'm being
tested or something.
1101
00:47:06,451 --> 00:47:09,351
What is going on?
1102
00:47:09,384 --> 00:47:11,951
Hey, don't cross your arms...
1103
00:47:11,984 --> 00:47:13,418
you're blocking your heart
chakra.
1104
00:47:13,451 --> 00:47:16,818
Oh... yeah.
1105
00:47:16,851 --> 00:47:19,184
Can I touch you?
1106
00:47:19,218 --> 00:47:20,751
Wh, where? What? Why?
Ssh.
1107
00:47:20,784 --> 00:47:23,884
Sshhh, sshhh.
1108
00:47:27,418 --> 00:47:31,218
Here you have a problem.
1109
00:47:31,251 --> 00:47:34,118
And here even bigger problem.
1110
00:47:34,151 --> 00:47:36,951
I believe you.
1111
00:47:36,984 --> 00:47:38,951
I need you to close your
eyes now.
1112
00:47:38,984 --> 00:47:41,018
Why?
1113
00:47:41,051 --> 00:47:42,784
Just trust me.
1114
00:47:46,151 --> 00:47:50,151
( SINGING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE )
1115
00:48:28,051 --> 00:48:31,084
You can open your eyes now.
1116
00:48:31,118 --> 00:48:33,651
That was beautiful.
1117
00:48:33,684 --> 00:48:35,918
I know.
1118
00:48:35,951 --> 00:48:40,951
It says how all the gypsies
want jewelery and horses.
1119
00:48:40,984 --> 00:48:45,784
But how she's a gypsy and she
just needs love.
1120
00:48:45,818 --> 00:48:48,084
This is how you solve
your problem.
1121
00:48:48,118 --> 00:48:51,951
You need to find what you love.
1122
00:48:51,984 --> 00:48:53,418
( BANGING ON DOOR )
1123
00:48:53,451 --> 00:48:55,018
[PADDY]
Anyone in there? Police!
1124
00:48:55,051 --> 00:48:56,018
Oh.
1125
00:48:58,251 --> 00:49:00,684
Get up on the seat, come on.
1126
00:49:02,718 --> 00:49:04,051
( LOCK CLICKS )
1127
00:49:09,761 --> 00:49:11,494
Hello?
1128
00:49:15,294 --> 00:49:17,394
Hello?
1129
00:49:30,461 --> 00:49:31,294
Hello?
1130
00:49:31,328 --> 00:49:33,461
[ZRINKA]
Sorry, this one's occupied.
1131
00:49:41,461 --> 00:49:43,361
Why can't I see your feet?
1132
00:49:43,394 --> 00:49:46,361
[ZRINKA]
Why are you looking?
1133
00:49:46,394 --> 00:49:47,561
What are you doing?
1134
00:49:47,594 --> 00:49:51,928
[ZRINKA] I am a Moroccan,
we squat on top of the toilet.
1135
00:49:51,961 --> 00:49:55,261
Okay, er, have you got someone
in there with you?
1136
00:49:55,294 --> 00:49:57,661
[ZRINKA]
No, I can pee on my own.
1137
00:49:59,694 --> 00:50:01,328
[ZRINKA]
Hey, bugger off, weirdo!
1138
00:50:01,361 --> 00:50:03,361
Excuse me, miss.
1139
00:50:11,828 --> 00:50:14,994
He's gone.
Okay, let's go.
1140
00:50:15,028 --> 00:50:17,994
Hey, promise me you'll
stop resisting.
1141
00:50:18,028 --> 00:50:19,694
Oh, I'm, I'm not resisting.
1142
00:50:19,728 --> 00:50:22,828
Hey, you are holding a lot
of fear, my friend.
1143
00:50:22,861 --> 00:50:24,661
Yeah, that's true.
1144
00:50:24,694 --> 00:50:27,861
Are you afraid of me?
A little.
1145
00:50:29,828 --> 00:50:31,461
Just breathe.
1146
00:50:31,494 --> 00:50:32,794
This is a weird place
to breathe.
1147
00:50:32,828 --> 00:50:35,461
Hey, breathe.
I can't.
1148
00:50:35,494 --> 00:50:36,928
Yes, you can.
I can't.
1149
00:50:36,961 --> 00:50:39,661
Yes, you can.
I can't.
1150
00:50:43,328 --> 00:50:46,428
I'm going to help you now.
1151
00:50:46,461 --> 00:50:48,828
Take my breath.
1152
00:50:56,694 --> 00:50:58,461
Oh, god, I'm so sorry.
1153
00:50:58,494 --> 00:51:02,861
You threw up on me.
I am so, so, so sorry.
1154
00:51:02,894 --> 00:51:07,394
Oh my god, you threw up on me!
1155
00:51:09,628 --> 00:51:11,794
Oh, please forgive me,
I'm so sorry.
1156
00:51:11,828 --> 00:51:13,861
Oh my god!
Can I just...
1157
00:51:13,894 --> 00:51:16,761
It barely got you. Let me see.
It's not that bad.
1158
00:51:16,794 --> 00:51:21,294
Don't, just don't.
No. Let me... just‐‐
1159
00:51:21,328 --> 00:51:22,594
Oh god.
Oh, please forgive me.
1160
00:51:22,628 --> 00:51:23,994
I don't know where that
came from.
1161
00:51:24,028 --> 00:51:24,961
What, what are you two
doing here?
1162
00:51:24,994 --> 00:51:27,561
I said... can you take
that commotion outside.
1163
00:51:27,594 --> 00:51:30,494
He threw up inside my mouth.
Blood of Jesus.
1164
00:51:30,528 --> 00:51:31,761
Oh god.
1165
00:51:31,794 --> 00:51:33,694
Get out, the police are
looking for‐‐
1166
00:51:38,294 --> 00:51:41,028
Are you okay?
Yeah.
1167
00:51:41,061 --> 00:51:43,361
Oh, please, please forgive me.
I'm so sorry.
1168
00:51:43,394 --> 00:51:46,594
( ROCK MUSIC FADES UP )
1169
00:51:46,628 --> 00:51:48,428
[ZRINKA] Oh God, I...
1170
00:51:48,461 --> 00:51:51,528
Hey, it, it, it's all vegan
and organic if that helps.
1171
00:51:51,561 --> 00:51:53,628
Are you kidding me?!
1172
00:51:53,661 --> 00:51:55,761
I, I'm just...
1173
00:51:55,794 --> 00:51:58,028
Oh my God.
1174
00:51:58,061 --> 00:52:00,628
I don't know, I just got
nauseous, I...
1175
00:52:00,661 --> 00:52:03,894
God, this is the worst
night of my life.
1176
00:52:03,928 --> 00:52:07,961
Oh God. I wish we could‐‐
1177
00:52:07,994 --> 00:52:10,694
Where are the cops?
1178
00:52:10,728 --> 00:52:13,028
Thank you.
1179
00:52:13,061 --> 00:52:15,561
Okay.
1180
00:52:15,594 --> 00:52:16,861
♪ Until the end of darkness ♪
1181
00:52:16,894 --> 00:52:20,394
♪ Let the subtle shadesof light begin to play ♪
1182
00:52:20,428 --> 00:52:23,494
Excuse me, excuse me, hi.
Sorry to bother you, er...
1183
00:52:23,528 --> 00:52:24,761
have you got like a few
quid for a sandwich?
1184
00:52:24,794 --> 00:52:26,628
No, no, I don't. Listen,
I gotta go home.
1185
00:52:26,661 --> 00:52:28,261
Like three quid, two quid.
I'm so sorry.
1186
00:52:28,294 --> 00:52:29,461
Anything at all.
1187
00:52:29,494 --> 00:52:30,694
No, no, I don't have
anything, dude.
1188
00:52:30,728 --> 00:52:32,894
Actually, actually I don't even
have money for a cab to get‐‐
1189
00:52:32,928 --> 00:52:35,294
Hey.
Can you just give me...
1190
00:52:35,328 --> 00:52:37,994
Ah, great, I thought you.
Go.
1191
00:52:38,028 --> 00:52:40,294
Oh.
Holy Mary, Mother of God.
1192
00:52:40,328 --> 00:52:41,894
Oh, thank you so much.
1193
00:52:41,928 --> 00:52:43,861
You are such a nice person,
you really are, thank you.
1194
00:52:43,894 --> 00:52:44,961
Hold, hold on...
1195
00:52:44,994 --> 00:52:46,194
Life has been hard
for you enough.
1196
00:52:46,228 --> 00:52:48,394
No, no, no, no, no, no. Hold
it, hold it, that's, that's‐‐
1197
00:52:48,428 --> 00:52:50,561
You're an angel sent from
God, you really are.
1198
00:52:50,594 --> 00:52:52,894
No, no, no, no. I mean,
I'm the angel, dude.
1199
00:52:52,928 --> 00:52:55,494
I gave that to her and I need
it because I gotta get a cab.
1200
00:52:55,528 --> 00:52:57,261
Well, it doesn't, it doesn't
look like you need it.
1201
00:52:57,294 --> 00:52:59,728
I mean, I mean, look, you're
stood there like all smug...
1202
00:52:59,761 --> 00:53:01,561
and stuff and like with all
your flash gear on.
1203
00:53:01,594 --> 00:53:03,561
I'm like in a wheelchair, mate.
1204
00:53:03,594 --> 00:53:05,928
Dude, I, I just, I just
need enough to get home.
1205
00:53:05,961 --> 00:53:07,294
Do you, do you have like
five quid or something?
1206
00:53:07,328 --> 00:53:08,461
Yeah, well I need a sandwich.
1207
00:53:08,494 --> 00:53:10,561
I haven't eaten in like
three days.
1208
00:53:10,594 --> 00:53:12,761
Well, what do you need a
fifty‐pound sandwich?
1209
00:53:12,794 --> 00:53:13,861
I mean, do you have any
more money?
1210
00:53:13,894 --> 00:53:15,494
No.
1211
00:53:15,528 --> 00:53:17,428
Dude, please, can I...
1212
00:53:17,461 --> 00:53:19,861
I, I know you have something
for me. I just need five...
1213
00:53:19,894 --> 00:53:21,461
Are you begging a beggar
for money?
1214
00:53:21,494 --> 00:53:23,328
No, no, I'm just, I need
to get home, okay?
1215
00:53:23,361 --> 00:53:24,494
You're getting too close.
No, no, no, dude‐‐
1216
00:53:24,528 --> 00:53:25,528
I just need to get home.
Don't come any closer, please.
1217
00:53:25,561 --> 00:53:27,628
Don't scare him!
Look, just stand back, will you!
1218
00:53:27,661 --> 00:53:28,561
Okay.
1219
00:53:28,594 --> 00:53:30,261
How many times do I have
to bloody tell you!
1220
00:53:30,294 --> 00:53:31,461
Okay, calm down, man.
I'm so sorry, miss.
1221
00:53:31,494 --> 00:53:32,594
It's absolutely nothing to do...
No, it's okay, it's not you.
1222
00:53:32,628 --> 00:53:34,661
with you, it really hasn't.
But you're a dick, mate.
1223
00:53:34,694 --> 00:53:35,628
Dude...
1224
00:53:35,661 --> 00:53:37,961
I've told you once before,
now bugger off!
1225
00:53:37,994 --> 00:53:39,828
Give me that!
Get...
1226
00:53:39,861 --> 00:53:43,294
Give me that.
No, no! No, stop! Stop!
1227
00:53:44,628 --> 00:53:47,494
Oh lovely, lovely, Woody.
Lovely.
1228
00:53:47,528 --> 00:53:48,494
Stop it!
1229
00:53:48,528 --> 00:53:50,494
Get angry, that's it, lovely,
mate. Lovely.
1230
00:53:50,528 --> 00:53:53,394
My camera! He's broken my
camera! Lovely.
1231
00:53:53,428 --> 00:53:55,994
Stop it!
1232
00:53:58,328 --> 00:54:01,561
Woody Allen, this is not
your best self!
1233
00:54:12,028 --> 00:54:13,994
Sloane Hotel, please.
1234
00:54:18,494 --> 00:54:20,728
Everything alright there, mate?
1235
00:54:20,761 --> 00:54:23,028
Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's fine.
It's fine.
1236
00:54:23,061 --> 00:54:24,794
Do you know what time it is?
1237
00:54:24,828 --> 00:54:27,394
Er, 11:30. What's going
on back there?
1238
00:54:27,428 --> 00:54:29,461
Er, nothing, nothing, it's
all good.
1239
00:54:29,494 --> 00:54:30,694
Yeah, well it looks like
a lot of something...
1240
00:54:30,728 --> 00:54:31,894
to be nothing, eh, mate?
1241
00:54:31,928 --> 00:54:33,961
No, no, dude, dude...
1242
00:54:33,994 --> 00:54:35,661
Er, are you bleeding?
What?
1243
00:54:35,694 --> 00:54:37,694
Are you bleeding? Are you
bleeding, mate?
1244
00:54:37,728 --> 00:54:38,628
You're bleeding!
1245
00:54:38,661 --> 00:54:40,828
No, no, no, I'm not bleeding.
I'm fine.
1246
00:54:40,861 --> 00:54:43,828
Yes, you are. You're like a
bloody geyser, mate.
1247
00:54:43,861 --> 00:54:44,828
No, I'm fine, mate.
1248
00:54:44,861 --> 00:54:46,694
Ah, are you being real with me?
1249
00:54:46,728 --> 00:54:48,794
I'm not being anything
with you, dude.
1250
00:54:48,828 --> 00:54:51,728
Just‐‐ I'm just...
everything's fine.
1251
00:54:51,761 --> 00:54:54,828
Don't you get anything‐‐ don't
you get anything on my seats.
1252
00:54:54,861 --> 00:54:56,828
Dude, d'you have any,
do you have a Kleenex?
1253
00:54:56,861 --> 00:54:58,828
Don't you get anything on
my damn seats!
1254
00:54:58,861 --> 00:55:00,828
Dude, I won't get any blood
on your filthy seats.
1255
00:55:00,861 --> 00:55:02,828
If you give me a Kleenex,
I'll get it...
1256
00:55:02,861 --> 00:55:04,994
Or, or you will be paying for
the cleaning of this cab.
1257
00:55:05,028 --> 00:55:07,994
Dude, I'm not gonna have
to pay for anything. Okay?
1258
00:55:08,028 --> 00:55:09,994
Oh, oh yes you will, mate.
You'll be paying.
1259
00:55:10,028 --> 00:55:12,661
If there is the slightest
drop of blood...
1260
00:55:12,694 --> 00:55:14,561
anywhere in this cab, you will
be paying.
1261
00:55:14,594 --> 00:55:17,561
Okay. Shouldn't you just be
focused on your driving?
1262
00:55:17,594 --> 00:55:21,794
Oh, no, you will be charged
a full valet. Right?
1263
00:55:21,828 --> 00:55:23,794
You will be steam‐cleaning
the bleedin' engine...
1264
00:55:23,828 --> 00:55:25,728
after this ride, my friend.
1265
00:55:25,761 --> 00:55:28,728
Okay, okay, mate. Okay, great.
1266
00:55:28,761 --> 00:55:30,728
Just, just focus on
your driving, alright?
1267
00:55:30,761 --> 00:55:33,794
Just take that and stop
the blood, mate.
1268
00:55:33,828 --> 00:55:36,261
Thanks, mate, that's all I
ever asked you for.
1269
00:55:36,294 --> 00:55:38,528
Alright, just, just stop
the damn blood, will ya?
1270
00:55:41,494 --> 00:55:42,594
Is this used?
1271
00:55:42,628 --> 00:55:44,828
Well, I got sinuses, ain't I?
1272
00:55:44,861 --> 00:55:46,928
I'm not pulling out brand new
ones just for you.
1273
00:55:46,961 --> 00:55:49,594
Dude, that is disgusting.
1274
00:55:55,728 --> 00:55:58,594
Er, er, what's going on back
there? What was that noise?
1275
00:55:58,628 --> 00:56:00,761
No, no, it's nothing,
it's just the ashtray.
1276
00:56:00,794 --> 00:56:01,894
What, what d'you mean just
the ashtray?
1277
00:56:01,928 --> 00:56:03,261
What you done?
Nothing.
1278
00:56:03,294 --> 00:56:04,561
Oh, you've, you've broken
it, ain't ya?
1279
00:56:04,594 --> 00:56:06,294
No, dude, it, it was like this.
1280
00:56:06,328 --> 00:56:08,894
Oi, what the hell are you doing
messing with the ashtray?!
1281
00:56:08,928 --> 00:56:11,594
Dude, I don't know, what
is this, like an antique cab...
1282
00:56:11,628 --> 00:56:13,928
with, with like ornamental
ashtrays or something?
1283
00:56:13,961 --> 00:56:16,961
Oh... I mean, what... what
the... you know what?
1284
00:56:16,994 --> 00:56:19,928
Just stop the car.
No, no.
1285
00:56:19,961 --> 00:56:21,928
Stop the car cos I'm
getting out.
1286
00:56:21,961 --> 00:56:23,928
No, you're not getting out
this cab.
1287
00:56:23,961 --> 00:56:24,761
Dude...
1288
00:56:24,794 --> 00:56:26,928
Not until you pay for
the ashtray.
1289
00:56:26,961 --> 00:56:28,928
stop this damn car because
I'm getting out now.
1290
00:56:28,961 --> 00:56:29,928
No!
1291
00:56:29,961 --> 00:56:30,728
You're not getting out
the cab!
1292
00:56:30,761 --> 00:56:32,928
Not till you pay for
the ashtray!
1293
00:56:32,961 --> 00:56:33,894
Dude, this is kidnapping.
1294
00:56:33,928 --> 00:56:35,928
No, you stupid
bastard, destroying my cab!
1295
00:56:35,961 --> 00:56:37,528
Dude, you better stop
this friggin' cab right now.
1296
00:56:37,561 --> 00:56:39,394
No. No. No.
Stop it! Stop it!
1297
00:56:39,428 --> 00:56:42,494
No. No. No.
Stop this damn cab!
1298
00:56:42,528 --> 00:56:44,461
Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!
Everybody calm down!
1299
00:56:44,494 --> 00:56:46,261
Everybody calm down!
1300
00:56:46,294 --> 00:56:47,761
Dude, I will break this
fucking thing...
1301
00:56:47,794 --> 00:56:49,761
No, don't you dare! I'm pulling
over! Pulling over!
1302
00:56:49,794 --> 00:56:52,794
Get out! Out, out!
1303
00:56:58,061 --> 00:57:00,261
You silly bollocks!
1304
00:57:00,294 --> 00:57:02,961
You're the silly bollocks!
Piss off!
1305
00:57:02,994 --> 00:57:06,328
( MUSIC PLAYING )
1306
00:57:47,561 --> 00:57:49,628
Sloane Hotel, please.
1307
00:57:53,661 --> 00:57:55,928
So just, can you, can you hurry?
Eh?
1308
00:57:55,961 --> 00:57:58,828
Just go a little faster.
Uh?
1309
00:57:58,861 --> 00:58:01,461
Go right on, go right on.
Please.
1310
00:58:01,494 --> 00:58:02,961
Go... shit.
1311
00:58:02,994 --> 00:58:05,261
Go through the lights, dude,
just go through the lights.
1312
00:58:05,294 --> 00:58:06,928
What's the hurry?
1313
00:58:06,961 --> 00:58:10,594
Life is about the journey
not the destination.
1314
00:58:10,628 --> 00:58:13,694
No, no, I assure you right now
it is about the destination.
1315
00:58:13,728 --> 00:58:15,828
We're in the hands of
the Goddess Kali.
1316
00:58:15,861 --> 00:58:18,828
She's a creator and destroyer.
1317
00:58:18,861 --> 00:58:20,661
It all depends on the mood
she's in.
1318
00:58:20,694 --> 00:58:23,628
Well, I don't think she's in
a very good mood tonight.
1319
00:58:26,061 --> 00:58:30,728
The stars can't shine
without darkness.
1320
00:58:34,928 --> 00:58:37,461
In the spirit of full
disclosure, I gotta tell you...
1321
00:58:37,494 --> 00:58:38,561
I don't have any money on me.
1322
00:58:38,594 --> 00:58:40,494
Mmm.
1323
00:58:42,961 --> 00:58:45,794
Can you speak a piece
of verse for me?
1324
00:58:45,828 --> 00:58:47,994
Something uplifting.
1325
00:58:48,028 --> 00:58:50,294
( DISTANT SIRENS WAILING )
1326
00:58:50,328 --> 00:58:52,361
I, I, I memorized this when
I was seven.
1327
00:58:52,394 --> 00:58:57,294
I told the sun that I was glad,
I'm sure I don't know why.
1328
00:58:57,328 --> 00:59:00,761
Somehow the pleasant way it
had of shining in the sky...
1329
00:59:00,794 --> 00:59:03,794
just put a notion in my
head that wouldn't it be fun...
1330
00:59:03,828 --> 00:59:08,794
if while walking on the hill,
I said I'm happy to the sun.
1331
00:59:08,828 --> 00:59:13,394
That's beautiful. I feel
I should be paying you.
1332
00:59:13,428 --> 00:59:16,794
No, no, no, we'll just call it
even, you know, and that's fine.
1333
00:59:16,828 --> 00:59:19,828
I'll tell you what...
Uh?
1334
00:59:19,861 --> 00:59:23,028
You, you, you just pull over
right here, this is fine, sir.
1335
00:59:23,061 --> 00:59:26,394
Thank you so much.
You're a gentleman.
1336
00:59:26,428 --> 00:59:29,628
( SIRENS WAILING )
1337
00:59:29,661 --> 00:59:31,694
Stop there! Stop there!
Don't make me run.
1338
00:59:31,728 --> 00:59:35,528
Stop there now! Go, go, go.
1339
00:59:39,328 --> 00:59:41,594
[OFFICER]
Suspect is on the playground.
1340
00:59:47,728 --> 00:59:50,794
Spread out. He's in here
somewhere.
1341
00:59:55,028 --> 00:59:59,561
Come on down. Come on down,
we know you're up there.
1342
01:00:01,728 --> 01:00:04,261
How?
I can see you.
1343
01:00:09,028 --> 01:00:12,861
Don't. Don't!
1344
01:00:12,894 --> 01:00:15,694
Put your hands on your head.
Put your hands on your head.
1345
01:00:15,728 --> 01:00:18,028
This is over an ashtray.
Put your hands on your head now!
1346
01:00:18,061 --> 01:00:21,294
I can't. If I take my hands off
my knees, I'm gonna fall down.
1347
01:00:21,328 --> 01:00:22,328
You have the right to
remain silent.
1348
01:00:22,361 --> 01:00:23,594
Put your hands on your head!
Oi, he's a menace.
1349
01:00:23,628 --> 01:00:25,294
You don't have to say anything,
but it may harm your defense...
1350
01:00:25,328 --> 01:00:27,528
He's an absolute menace!
You're a menace!
1351
01:00:27,561 --> 01:00:29,661
He's a raving lunatic.
Lock him up.
1352
01:00:29,694 --> 01:00:32,028
Anything you do say may be
given in evidence.
1353
01:00:32,061 --> 01:00:33,894
You understand?
Yeah.
1354
01:00:33,928 --> 01:00:36,294
Are you who I think you are?
I hope not.
1355
01:00:36,328 --> 01:00:38,328
Were you in a fight with
Owen Wilson earlier?
1356
01:00:38,361 --> 01:00:39,494
Maybe.
1357
01:00:39,528 --> 01:00:40,628
Do you know what the cops
in the US would do to you...
1358
01:00:40,661 --> 01:00:41,861
for running like that? Yeah,
they would have shot ya.
1359
01:00:41,894 --> 01:00:45,894
And you'd be dead by now and the
world would be a better place.
1360
01:00:45,928 --> 01:00:47,361
You see what I'm dealing
with, man?
1361
01:00:47,394 --> 01:00:48,628
I think I do.
1362
01:00:48,661 --> 01:00:50,294
He kidnapped me. He wouldn't
stop the car.
1363
01:00:50,328 --> 01:00:52,328
You were the one running, sir.
1364
01:00:52,361 --> 01:00:56,328
[CABBIE] He's off his conkers,
mate. Hang him. Hang him!
1365
01:01:06,028 --> 01:01:08,894
You seem kinda young to be
doing this.
1366
01:01:08,928 --> 01:01:10,761
You're my first arrest.
1367
01:01:10,794 --> 01:01:13,694
Really? I'm flattered.
1368
01:01:13,728 --> 01:01:16,961
I'm not sure you mean it.
1369
01:01:16,994 --> 01:01:19,461
Listen, is, is it necessary
to go to the station?
1370
01:01:19,494 --> 01:01:22,628
I mean, is there any way I could
just pay a fine or something?
1371
01:01:22,661 --> 01:01:25,361
Are you offering me a bribe?
No.
1372
01:01:25,394 --> 01:01:27,361
Then you're going to
the station.
1373
01:01:27,394 --> 01:01:33,261
Oh, that's good, you got me.
You Irish?
1374
01:01:33,294 --> 01:01:35,761
Through and through.
1375
01:01:35,794 --> 01:01:38,428
Oh, you know, I spent a month
in Galway one time.
1376
01:01:38,461 --> 01:01:40,461
I drank a lorry load
of Guinness.
1377
01:01:40,494 --> 01:01:42,294
I love Guinness.
1378
01:01:42,328 --> 01:01:43,994
Well, my wife says I love it
too much.
1379
01:01:44,028 --> 01:01:46,594
Oh, ah, married, huh? Kids?
1380
01:01:46,628 --> 01:01:48,594
Son. Seven year old.
1381
01:01:48,628 --> 01:01:51,794
Oh, must have had him
in high school.
1382
01:01:51,828 --> 01:01:53,694
I did actually, yeah.
1383
01:01:53,728 --> 01:01:56,261
What, you did the right
thing, got married?
1384
01:01:56,294 --> 01:01:58,428
Yeah... did the right thing,
yeah.
1385
01:01:58,461 --> 01:02:00,428
Isn't that life's great mission?
1386
01:02:00,461 --> 01:02:02,428
Were you at the birth?
1387
01:02:02,461 --> 01:02:03,994
Yeah, yeah, of course.
1388
01:02:04,028 --> 01:02:07,394
Oh, man, the greatest feeling
in the world. I had home births.
1389
01:02:09,028 --> 01:02:11,328
You?
Er, hospital.
1390
01:02:11,361 --> 01:02:12,894
She had a difficult pregnancy.
1391
01:02:12,928 --> 01:02:14,028
Oh, the kid's okay?
1392
01:02:14,061 --> 01:02:18,894
Yeah, yeah. He's, er, er...
1393
01:02:18,928 --> 01:02:22,461
That'll be us nearly there now.
Won't be long.
1394
01:02:22,494 --> 01:02:23,661
Oh, dude, I'm sorry to pry.
1395
01:02:23,694 --> 01:02:28,394
No, no, he's, er, he's just
special. He's got special needs.
1396
01:02:28,428 --> 01:02:30,761
Well you must love him all
the more.
1397
01:02:30,794 --> 01:02:33,928
I do. I do, he's incredible.
1398
01:02:33,961 --> 01:02:37,961
It must be tough sometimes.
1399
01:02:37,994 --> 01:02:39,728
Yeah. Yeah, it can be.
1400
01:02:39,761 --> 01:02:41,661
I mean I don't know why
I worry...
1401
01:02:41,694 --> 01:02:43,561
he's as happy as can be,
you know.
1402
01:02:43,594 --> 01:02:46,694
It's just he's so pure,
you know...
1403
01:02:46,728 --> 01:02:50,328
and the world can be a little
bit, er... um...
1404
01:02:52,661 --> 01:02:54,428
Oh, hey, um, I'm, I'm
sorry, man.
1405
01:02:54,461 --> 01:02:55,561
No, it's alright, man.
1406
01:02:55,594 --> 01:02:57,928
I'm a fixer, I wanna fix
everyone's problems. Stupid.
1407
01:02:57,961 --> 01:02:59,961
Well, you... my kids are
six and nine.
1408
01:02:59,994 --> 01:03:02,961
We should, I mean we should
get 'em together sometime.
1409
01:03:02,994 --> 01:03:04,661
Really?
Yeah.
1410
01:03:04,694 --> 01:03:06,961
You, er, they could use
a playmate.
1411
01:03:06,994 --> 01:03:09,994
What's your name?
I'm Constable Hughes.
1412
01:03:13,694 --> 01:03:17,528
Yeah, so, er, you, you
like Bono?
1413
01:03:17,561 --> 01:03:19,694
Just because I'm Irish,
I'm supposed to like him?
1414
01:03:19,728 --> 01:03:21,694
No.
I love him.
1415
01:03:21,728 --> 01:03:23,694
Oh, you got me again.
1416
01:03:23,728 --> 01:03:24,928
Well, I mean, what you put
your energy into...
1417
01:03:24,961 --> 01:03:26,761
tells me all I need to know
about you.
1418
01:03:26,794 --> 01:03:27,928
Bono could do anything
he wants...
1419
01:03:27,961 --> 01:03:29,294
in a world full of suffering
people.
1420
01:03:29,328 --> 01:03:31,294
He just tries to help on
a massive scale.
1421
01:03:31,328 --> 01:03:33,294
I quite admire that in the man.
I think he's a poet.
1422
01:03:33,328 --> 01:03:35,694
And, yeah, I'm damn proud
he's Irish.
1423
01:03:35,728 --> 01:03:37,961
You wanna talk with him?
1424
01:03:37,994 --> 01:03:40,461
You what?
Talk with Bono?
1425
01:03:40,494 --> 01:03:43,561
Talk with Bono now?
Yeah, right now. Right now.
1426
01:03:43,594 --> 01:03:44,494
What like you could just
call him?
1427
01:03:44,528 --> 01:03:47,628
Yeah. Yeah, just, er, grab
my Blackberry.
1428
01:03:47,661 --> 01:03:48,628
It's right there in my pocket.
1429
01:03:48,661 --> 01:03:50,628
It's right there.
Okay.
1430
01:03:50,661 --> 01:03:54,294
Yeah, just grab it and he's‐‐
he's‐‐ he's under 'B'.
1431
01:03:54,328 --> 01:03:56,694
Oh, 'B' like 'buzzing'?
1432
01:03:56,728 --> 01:03:58,494
Er, 'B' like after 'A'.
1433
01:03:58,528 --> 01:04:01,828
All right, here we go...
it's a 3‐4‐3 number.
1434
01:04:01,861 --> 01:04:03,594
Yeah, yeah, Ireland.
1435
01:04:03,628 --> 01:04:07,494
All right, here we go,
Bono on speaker phone.
1436
01:04:07,528 --> 01:04:09,561
( CALL RINGING )
1437
01:04:12,428 --> 01:04:13,628
ALI (OVER PHONE)
Hello?
1438
01:04:13,661 --> 01:04:16,294
Ali, how you doing? It's Wood.
1439
01:04:16,328 --> 01:04:17,994
Woody, great to hear from you.
1440
01:04:18,028 --> 01:04:20,361
You're not back in Dublin,
are you?
1441
01:04:20,394 --> 01:04:22,428
No, no, no, I'm in London.
1442
01:04:22,461 --> 01:04:25,328
Well you certainly made a big
impression on your last trip.
1443
01:04:25,361 --> 01:04:26,961
What d'you mean?
1444
01:04:26,994 --> 01:04:30,828
You told Bono smoking pot
would fix his glaucoma.
1445
01:04:30,861 --> 01:04:34,461
Now the tour has been put off,
the album's been put back...
1446
01:04:34,494 --> 01:04:38,894
and he tells anyone who listens
the Irish invented Reggae.
1447
01:04:38,928 --> 01:04:42,828
I hope you're happy.
Hold on.
1448
01:04:42,861 --> 01:04:46,328
BONO ( OVER PHONE)
Irie man... good vibrations...
1449
01:04:46,361 --> 01:04:49,294
all across the nation.
What's up with man?
1450
01:04:49,328 --> 01:04:50,528
Oh, hey, hey, buddy.
1451
01:04:50,561 --> 01:04:53,828
You know you gotta be a little
bit cautious with that medicine.
1452
01:04:53,861 --> 01:04:54,994
It's very strong.
1453
01:04:55,028 --> 01:04:59,394
Um, but listen, I, I got a,
a friend here, you know...
1454
01:04:59,428 --> 01:05:00,861
er, who wants to say hi,
a fellow Irishman.
1455
01:05:00,894 --> 01:05:02,861
Hello, this is Paddy
Hughes speaking.
1456
01:05:02,894 --> 01:05:06,294
BONO (OVER PHONE) Any friend
of Woody be a friend of mine.
1457
01:05:06,328 --> 01:05:07,461
He's not me friend.
1458
01:05:07,494 --> 01:05:10,794
All brethren are friends,Paddy Hughes...
1459
01:05:10,828 --> 01:05:14,261
for the kiss of the serpent
is like sugar...
1460
01:05:14,294 --> 01:05:17,528
in comparison to the heart
of a friendless man.
1461
01:05:17,561 --> 01:05:20,628
Yeah, okay. Er, but he's broken
the law, Bono.
1462
01:05:20,661 --> 01:05:22,628
BONO (OVER PHONE)
Are you his cell mate?
1463
01:05:22,661 --> 01:05:25,628
More like his jailer. Listen,
sir, I really respect you.
1464
01:05:25,661 --> 01:05:28,594
I've always wanted to meet you.
I think you're just brilliant.
1465
01:05:28,628 --> 01:05:30,294
BONO (OVER PHONE)
Jah, bless you, sir.
1466
01:05:30,328 --> 01:05:31,628
I mean I loved your first
album and your second album.
1467
01:05:31,661 --> 01:05:34,661
Just absolutely the best.
1468
01:05:34,694 --> 01:05:35,961
But...
BONO (OVER PHONE) But?
1469
01:05:35,994 --> 01:05:38,294
No buts.
Well, I've just...
1470
01:05:38,328 --> 01:05:39,461
BONO (OVER PHONE)
Yeah?
1471
01:05:39,494 --> 01:05:40,461
Well, I mean after 'October'...
1472
01:05:40,494 --> 01:05:42,561
it feels like you just kinda
sold out a bit.
1473
01:05:42,594 --> 01:05:43,894
BONO (OVER PHONE) Sold out?
No, dude.
1474
01:05:43,928 --> 01:05:45,828
Yeah, it's like you've kinda
let yourself down.
1475
01:05:45,861 --> 01:05:50,361
No, er, Bono, Constable Hughes
is a big fan of yours and, and‐‐
1476
01:05:50,394 --> 01:05:52,428
I mean I quite like Larry.
I mean he's the business.
1477
01:05:52,461 --> 01:05:54,794
Tune me into your
thinking there, Wood.
1478
01:05:54,828 --> 01:05:56,294
No, I, I just thought that
it'd be good...
1479
01:05:56,328 --> 01:05:57,894
for you guys to talk, you know.
1480
01:05:57,928 --> 01:05:59,461
I don't, I don't think Larry
would let fame...
1481
01:05:59,494 --> 01:06:00,894
get to his head as such,
you know.
1482
01:06:00,928 --> 01:06:04,428
BONO (OVER PHONE) Rasta can'tdeal with Babylon right now.
1483
01:06:04,461 --> 01:06:05,761
Okay?
1484
01:06:05,794 --> 01:06:08,394
Hey, er, Bono, I think that
you guys could be...
1485
01:06:08,428 --> 01:06:12,294
very, very good friends,
I really do. Bono?
1486
01:06:13,528 --> 01:06:14,928
I think he's hung up.
1487
01:06:14,961 --> 01:06:16,928
Why did you tell him he
sold out?
1488
01:06:16,961 --> 01:06:18,961
Well someone had to tell him.
1489
01:06:18,994 --> 01:06:22,028
Well, I mean, but what happened
to all the good stuff...
1490
01:06:22,061 --> 01:06:23,794
he does for mankind?
1491
01:06:23,828 --> 01:06:24,828
And, then like you know
he's a poet.
1492
01:06:24,861 --> 01:06:27,361
Well, he needed to be told.
He needed to be told.
1493
01:06:27,394 --> 01:06:28,594
Well, alright, it's good
that you met.
1494
01:06:28,628 --> 01:06:30,828
Listen, dude, is there anyway
you could give me a break here?
1495
01:06:30,861 --> 01:06:32,694
I mean, just let me loose.
You ask for this favor...
1496
01:06:32,728 --> 01:06:34,928
a little quick off the heels
of making nice. Let's go, sir.
1497
01:06:36,394 --> 01:06:38,794
Okay, but... listen, my kids...
1498
01:06:38,828 --> 01:06:41,394
they're going to Leavesden
Studios in the morning...
1499
01:06:41,428 --> 01:06:43,528
because they're going to the
Ha‐Harry Potter set.
1500
01:06:43,561 --> 01:06:46,428
And it's the last day of filming
and we have to be there by 7:30.
1501
01:06:46,461 --> 01:06:47,528
Yeah, let's get you in there.
1502
01:06:47,561 --> 01:06:48,828
Oh, okay but I mean...
1503
01:06:48,861 --> 01:06:49,994
Can I call my wife?
1504
01:06:50,028 --> 01:06:52,928
I, I gotta, I told her I'd be
home by midnight and...
1505
01:06:52,961 --> 01:06:54,628
er, what, what time can I
be released?
1506
01:06:54,661 --> 01:06:55,928
Well, that depends.
On what?
1507
01:06:55,961 --> 01:06:57,428
On whether you need to see
the magistrate.
1508
01:06:57,461 --> 01:06:59,361
When's the magistrate?
Let's go.
1509
01:06:59,394 --> 01:07:00,794
You like Paul McCartney?
1510
01:07:00,828 --> 01:07:02,294
Let's go.
1511
01:07:05,694 --> 01:07:07,728
Stand behind the yellow line.
1512
01:07:10,961 --> 01:07:12,494
Did I tell you to uncuff him?
1513
01:07:12,528 --> 01:07:13,694
Sorry.
1514
01:07:14,894 --> 01:07:15,994
Uncuff him.
Yeah.
1515
01:07:16,028 --> 01:07:19,361
So, you're the one.
1516
01:07:19,394 --> 01:07:22,361
Well, yeah, I'm the one
who assaulted an ashtray.
1517
01:07:22,394 --> 01:07:23,628
You drunk?
1518
01:07:23,661 --> 01:07:24,794
I wish.
1519
01:07:24,828 --> 01:07:27,728
Empty your pockets.
1520
01:07:27,761 --> 01:07:29,694
Well you're, you're not gonna
strip search me and make me...
1521
01:07:29,728 --> 01:07:31,928
spread my cheeks and all that,
are you?
1522
01:07:32,686 --> 01:07:35,219
Do you expect special treatment?
No.
1523
01:07:35,253 --> 01:07:37,653
Then, no.
You guys are funny.
1524
01:07:37,686 --> 01:07:42,153
Er... hey... there you go.
1525
01:07:42,186 --> 01:07:45,186
One Blackberry.
1526
01:07:48,586 --> 01:07:53,986
One room key, to the
Sloane Hotel.
1527
01:07:54,019 --> 01:07:56,053
Dude, you don't have to let
every criminal in here...
1528
01:07:56,086 --> 01:07:57,286
know where I live.
1529
01:07:57,319 --> 01:08:00,653
Oh, they know where you live,
with them.
1530
01:08:03,153 --> 01:08:06,086
Er...
One pen.
1531
01:08:08,319 --> 01:08:11,053
One Chelsea lighter.
1532
01:08:11,086 --> 01:08:13,386
You, you don't like those
overpaid poofters, do you?
1533
01:08:13,419 --> 01:08:16,053
No, I mean, someone just gave‐‐
who do you like?
1534
01:08:16,086 --> 01:08:17,553
Charlton Athletic.
1535
01:08:17,586 --> 01:08:20,653
Charlton? Oh, there's, there's a
great group, gang, squad, um...
1536
01:08:20,686 --> 01:08:22,653
they're, they're, they're
just, er, they're strong.
1537
01:08:22,686 --> 01:08:24,753
And bottom of the league.
1538
01:08:24,786 --> 01:08:30,719
Bottom? Well, nowhere to go
but up. That's good news.
1539
01:08:30,753 --> 01:08:33,419
One comb. What's that for?
1540
01:08:33,453 --> 01:08:36,219
To comb with.
1541
01:08:36,253 --> 01:08:39,453
What do you comb? Lice out
your pubes?
1542
01:08:39,486 --> 01:08:42,319
What, what, er...
1543
01:08:42,353 --> 01:08:44,419
Do you know what time it is?
It's 11:45.
1544
01:08:44,453 --> 01:08:46,519
My tea‐time.
Can I make a phone call?
1545
01:08:46,553 --> 01:08:47,753
No.
Yeah.
1546
01:08:47,786 --> 01:08:50,686
When's the magistrate come?
9:00 AM.
1547
01:08:50,719 --> 01:08:52,653
Dude, 9:00 AM? That's way
too late.
1548
01:08:52,686 --> 01:08:55,619
I'm going to Leavesden Studios.
I have to be there 7:30 sharp.
1549
01:08:55,653 --> 01:08:57,986
My kids are gonna meet
Harry Potter.
1550
01:08:58,019 --> 01:09:02,119
Ooh, lah‐ti‐dah. Life of a
Hollywood star, eh.
1551
01:09:02,153 --> 01:09:03,686
You just seem predisposed
to dislike me.
1552
01:09:03,719 --> 01:09:06,186
That was my brother.
Your brother?
1553
01:09:06,219 --> 01:09:08,186
In the cab.
In the cab?
1554
01:09:08,219 --> 01:09:09,186
Brother‐in‐law.
1555
01:09:09,219 --> 01:09:11,186
Your brother‐in‐law was
the guy...
1556
01:09:11,219 --> 01:09:14,219
So when he was calling someone
on the phone, that was...
1557
01:09:14,253 --> 01:09:15,453
Moi.
1558
01:09:15,486 --> 01:09:16,953
Parlez vous francais?
No.
1559
01:09:21,686 --> 01:09:24,086
Listen, if I'd have met your
brother‐in‐law under different..
1560
01:09:24,119 --> 01:09:26,753
circumstances, we would have had
a pint and a laugh, you know.
1561
01:09:26,786 --> 01:09:29,386
We just, just had some
bad luck.
1562
01:09:29,419 --> 01:09:31,386
You certainly did.
1563
01:09:31,419 --> 01:09:33,286
And tonight, while you're
lying in a cold cell...
1564
01:09:33,319 --> 01:09:38,019
on a metal slab where hundreds
of guys have sweated, belched...
1565
01:09:38,053 --> 01:09:40,186
farted, pissed, puked, bled,
wanked and defecated...
1566
01:09:40,219 --> 01:09:44,119
and you can't sleep from
the stench...
1567
01:09:44,153 --> 01:09:48,286
picture me sitting with my
brother‐in‐law in a warm pub...
1568
01:09:48,319 --> 01:09:50,986
with a pint and a packet
of salt and vinegar crisps...
1569
01:09:51,019 --> 01:09:52,953
having a laugh, over you.
1570
01:09:55,186 --> 01:09:57,153
What's that?
Ah... nothing.
1571
01:09:57,186 --> 01:09:59,453
Is that what I think it is?
No, no, no, it's nothing.
1572
01:09:59,486 --> 01:10:00,553
It's just I‐‐
It's cannabis.
1573
01:10:00,586 --> 01:10:01,719
I don't even know what
it is, dude.
1574
01:10:01,753 --> 01:10:03,986
We shall see. Give it to me now.
I‐‐ I don't know where‐‐
1575
01:10:04,019 --> 01:10:06,353
Give it to me now.
Give it to him now!
1576
01:10:06,386 --> 01:10:10,153
You bastard... you had a
cannabis cigarette...
1577
01:10:10,186 --> 01:10:12,186
and that's going in the records,
search him.
1578
01:10:29,119 --> 01:10:31,519
Only this.
1579
01:10:31,553 --> 01:10:37,686
A feather. What's that for?
Hmm, tickle your balls, eh?
1580
01:10:37,719 --> 01:10:41,719
Tickle, tickle, dirty, dirty
little Yankee doodle dandy, eh?
1581
01:10:41,753 --> 01:10:44,653
My daughter gave that to
me for luck.
1582
01:10:44,686 --> 01:10:47,453
Well, it don't seem to
be working, does it, eh?
1583
01:10:47,486 --> 01:10:49,219
Step this way.
1584
01:10:52,119 --> 01:10:54,253
Hey, take it easy.
1585
01:10:54,286 --> 01:10:56,053
Hey, Woody, how you doing,
man?
1586
01:10:56,086 --> 01:10:57,253
Oh, never better.
1587
01:10:57,286 --> 01:11:01,986
Ah, I saw your play.
Oh, great, thanks.
1588
01:11:02,019 --> 01:11:05,353
What a load of bullshit.
1589
01:11:05,386 --> 01:11:08,753
I thought I'd ask for my money
back but, er, I snuck in.
1590
01:11:08,786 --> 01:11:11,453
You ever gonna make us
laugh again?
1591
01:11:11,486 --> 01:11:13,053
Well I, I doubt it, dude.
1592
01:11:13,086 --> 01:11:15,519
I feel like I'm stuck in a
drama bubble.
1593
01:11:15,553 --> 01:11:17,386
What they got you for?
1594
01:11:17,419 --> 01:11:19,253
Oh, molesting an ashtray.
1595
01:11:19,286 --> 01:11:21,253
Can you mind your own
business, please.
1596
01:11:21,286 --> 01:11:24,253
They'll let you go if you pay
them. It's all about the money.
1597
01:11:24,286 --> 01:11:26,453
Shut it, Eugene.
Euu‐jen.
1598
01:11:26,486 --> 01:11:29,119
Is that true?
Step aside and wait your turn.
1599
01:11:29,153 --> 01:11:33,086
Moron. Watch the birdie.
1600
01:11:33,119 --> 01:11:35,086
Right hand first, starting
with the thumb...
1601
01:11:35,119 --> 01:11:36,586
rolling from left to right.
1602
01:11:36,619 --> 01:11:39,453
Er, but, dude, can I get
out if I post, post bail?
1603
01:11:39,486 --> 01:11:40,753
Yeah.
No.
1604
01:11:40,786 --> 01:11:42,719
Well, if we decide you're
not a flight risk.
1605
01:11:42,753 --> 01:11:44,386
Did someone ask you, Paddy?
No, sir.
1606
01:11:44,419 --> 01:11:45,986
And are you doing the deciding?
I am not, sir.
1607
01:11:46,019 --> 01:11:47,153
Then stay out of it.
1608
01:11:47,186 --> 01:11:49,319
But you know I'm not a flight
risk, you know where I live.
1609
01:11:49,353 --> 01:11:52,386
The Sloane Hotel...
bail is 1,000 pounds.
1610
01:11:52,419 --> 01:11:56,386
Dude, that ashtray was useless.
It was like the cab's appendix.
1611
01:11:56,419 --> 01:11:58,286
Just pay it, man.
1612
01:11:58,319 --> 01:11:59,753
I don't have any cash, man.
1613
01:11:59,786 --> 01:12:01,753
Well, you can use a credit
card, but they don't take Amex.
1614
01:12:01,786 --> 01:12:03,753
Shut up!
Nazis.
1615
01:12:03,786 --> 01:12:07,086
I‐I don't have my wallet
on me, because‐‐
1616
01:12:07,119 --> 01:12:08,586
Then I guess you'll have to
wait for the magistrate.
1617
01:12:08,619 --> 01:12:10,986
Whoa, pity.
You travel without a wallet?
1618
01:12:11,019 --> 01:12:13,719
You're so ghetto, aren't you?
So Hollywood.
1619
01:12:13,753 --> 01:12:16,019
Dude, can I please call my wife?
1620
01:12:16,053 --> 01:12:18,986
I mean, we've been, we've
been having some trouble...
1621
01:12:19,019 --> 01:12:20,419
and, and I‐‐ I‐‐ I have
to call her.
1622
01:12:20,453 --> 01:12:22,019
I told her I'd be there
by midnight.
1623
01:12:22,053 --> 01:12:24,153
Can I please make a call?
1624
01:12:24,186 --> 01:12:27,453
After you make your statement,
you can make one call.
1625
01:12:27,486 --> 01:12:29,386
Take him away.
Thank you.
1626
01:12:29,419 --> 01:12:31,619
I mean, I think you're a
closet people person.
1627
01:12:31,653 --> 01:12:33,086
Thank you, sir.
1628
01:12:33,119 --> 01:12:34,286
Hey, get a new agent, man.
1629
01:12:37,353 --> 01:12:39,519
Are you trying to make
trouble for yourself?
1630
01:12:39,553 --> 01:12:42,519
No, no. I mean my wife is
gonna liberate me.
1631
01:12:42,553 --> 01:12:43,353
Well that's up to him...
1632
01:12:43,386 --> 01:12:45,019
if he decides you're not
a flight risk.
1633
01:12:45,053 --> 01:12:47,019
He decides?
Yeah, he's the boss.
1634
01:12:47,053 --> 01:12:49,419
Dude, who put him in charge?
1635
01:12:49,453 --> 01:12:50,753
I don't know, but he's the boss.
1636
01:12:50,786 --> 01:12:52,519
Guy's a maniac.
1637
01:12:54,719 --> 01:12:58,286
I mean that's ridiculous.
1638
01:12:58,319 --> 01:13:01,286
How long do you think before
I can wrap all this up?
1639
01:13:01,319 --> 01:13:02,386
I don't really know, sir.
1640
01:13:02,419 --> 01:13:04,286
I'm new here, too. Let's go.
1641
01:13:06,286 --> 01:13:08,519
Take a seat.
1642
01:13:13,053 --> 01:13:14,419
Oh god.
1643
01:13:29,186 --> 01:13:31,386
Detective Sergeant Dante.
1644
01:13:31,419 --> 01:13:33,153
Yeah, I‐‐ I know, I met you.
1645
01:13:33,186 --> 01:13:35,053
Remember, you hate me?
1646
01:13:35,086 --> 01:13:36,086
You met my twin brother.
1647
01:13:36,119 --> 01:13:38,719
What, are you putting me
on, dude?
1648
01:13:38,753 --> 01:13:44,386
You had quite an eventful night,
I understand, Mr. Harrelson.
1649
01:13:44,419 --> 01:13:46,053
No, no, hold on.
1650
01:13:46,086 --> 01:13:47,586
What, did you just change
clothes and it's like...
1651
01:13:47,619 --> 01:13:51,519
an interrogation technique
or something?
1652
01:13:51,553 --> 01:13:53,519
What drugs did you imbibe
this evening?
1653
01:13:53,553 --> 01:13:56,519
I‐‐ I don't‐‐ I don't do drugs.
1654
01:13:56,553 --> 01:13:57,519
Ever.
1655
01:13:57,553 --> 01:13:59,153
I, I, I'm straight edge...
1656
01:13:59,186 --> 01:14:01,153
and I think it's a terrible
example for children.
1657
01:14:01,186 --> 01:14:05,086
Hm, and yet you had cannabis
on your person.
1658
01:14:05,119 --> 01:14:06,619
No, sir, I did not.
1659
01:14:06,653 --> 01:14:08,519
Will you submit to a blood test?
1660
01:14:11,286 --> 01:14:15,486
But I‐‐ I‐‐
1661
01:14:15,519 --> 01:14:19,553
I don't, I don't...
um, do, er, needles.
1662
01:14:19,586 --> 01:14:21,653
We use hair samples.
1663
01:14:21,686 --> 01:14:23,653
No, I can't afford to lose
any more hair.
1664
01:14:23,686 --> 01:14:24,786
I'm an actor, you know.
1665
01:14:24,819 --> 01:14:31,353
Oh, yeah, I'm familiar with you
phoney, Hollywood types.
1666
01:14:31,386 --> 01:14:32,519
You do drugs.
1667
01:14:32,553 --> 01:14:35,219
You participate in orgies, eh?
1668
01:14:35,253 --> 01:14:38,019
You take part in orgies?
1669
01:14:38,053 --> 01:14:39,619
Yeah, course you do.
1670
01:14:39,653 --> 01:14:43,119
And contribute to the
moral decay in our society.
1671
01:14:43,153 --> 01:14:44,519
You don't get your way...
1672
01:14:44,553 --> 01:14:47,586
you stamp your feet like
a little baby.
1673
01:14:47,619 --> 01:14:51,553
Destroy your hotel room,
or your cab.
1674
01:14:51,586 --> 01:14:54,086
You're thinking rock star.
I just make movies.
1675
01:14:54,119 --> 01:14:55,519
Yeah, bad ones.
1676
01:14:55,553 --> 01:14:58,353
'Money Train', what a joke.
1677
01:14:58,386 --> 01:15:00,586
You will not be able to
leave here...
1678
01:15:00,619 --> 01:15:03,153
until you've submitted to a
voluntary drug test.
1679
01:15:03,186 --> 01:15:04,419
Okay, okay.
1680
01:15:04,453 --> 01:15:08,219
First of all, that makes your
blood test far from voluntary.
1681
01:15:08,253 --> 01:15:12,186
Secondly, I'm getting treated
like I butt raped Tony Blair...
1682
01:15:12,219 --> 01:15:13,253
at the Queen's afternoon tea.
1683
01:15:13,286 --> 01:15:15,986
And all I did was make
your brother's ashtray...
1684
01:15:16,019 --> 01:15:17,619
In‐law.
In‐law, in‐law.
1685
01:15:17,653 --> 01:15:21,019
Your brother‐in‐law's
useless ashtray useful...
1686
01:15:21,053 --> 01:15:24,019
and for that I'm getting abused
by you and your twin brother.
1687
01:15:24,053 --> 01:15:26,619
What are you guys? Bad cop,
worse cop?
1688
01:15:26,653 --> 01:15:29,386
I mean, you know,
I'm an actor, okay.
1689
01:15:29,419 --> 01:15:32,019
Voice and physicalisation are
my bread and butter...
1690
01:15:32,053 --> 01:15:34,019
so I hate to rain on your
charade...
1691
01:15:34,053 --> 01:15:37,219
but there's no way that you
guys are the same person.
1692
01:15:37,253 --> 01:15:39,419
You're different people, because
you're the same person...
1693
01:15:39,453 --> 01:15:43,253
and you're both abusing me
for breaking a broken ashtray.
1694
01:15:43,286 --> 01:15:45,153
And I'm gonna call my Embassy,
dude.
1695
01:15:50,033 --> 01:15:52,500
D'you, d'you think, d'you
think you're a tough guy?
1696
01:15:52,533 --> 01:15:53,767
No, no, no.
1697
01:15:53,800 --> 01:15:57,267
Are you the natural born killer
or am I the natural born killer?
1698
01:15:57,300 --> 01:15:59,100
Which one works for you?
1699
01:15:59,133 --> 01:16:01,500
Are you the natural born killer
or am I the natural born killer?
1700
01:16:01,533 --> 01:16:02,400
You, you, you‐‐
Me?
1701
01:16:02,433 --> 01:16:05,133
I'm the natural born killer!
Yes, yes!
1702
01:16:06,367 --> 01:16:08,833
Thank you. That means a lot.
1703
01:16:14,533 --> 01:16:19,033
Tell me, what's the most women
you've slept with in one go?
1704
01:16:19,067 --> 01:16:20,467
Dude, I'm not answering that.
1705
01:16:20,500 --> 01:16:22,233
I hate you.
1706
01:16:22,267 --> 01:16:24,233
What's it like to be with
three birds at once?
1707
01:16:24,267 --> 01:16:25,367
Dude, I love my wife.
1708
01:16:25,400 --> 01:16:27,900
Of course, but what man
would turn down three birds?
1709
01:16:27,933 --> 01:16:29,567
I mean I wanna meet that guy.
1710
01:16:29,600 --> 01:16:32,867
I don't wanna meet Tony Blair,
Stephen Hawking, Ted Danson...
1711
01:16:32,900 --> 01:16:35,833
but the man who turns down
three birds.
1712
01:16:35,867 --> 01:16:39,400
I wanna meet him, buy him
a pint and ask him...
1713
01:16:39,433 --> 01:16:42,000
"What's wrong with you?"
1714
01:16:44,233 --> 01:16:45,933
Sign this.
1715
01:16:45,967 --> 01:16:48,467
What is it?
Your statement.
1716
01:16:48,500 --> 01:16:52,300
Uh, responsible for all damages,
injuries, physical, emotion...
1717
01:16:52,333 --> 01:16:55,467
Emotional? Dude, I'm not
signing this.
1718
01:16:57,100 --> 01:16:59,500
I‐‐ I don't have a pen.
1719
01:16:59,533 --> 01:17:02,033
Just, okay.
1720
01:17:02,067 --> 01:17:03,300
Right.
1721
01:17:07,000 --> 01:17:09,967
Hmm... so easy.
1722
01:17:12,467 --> 01:17:14,833
Can I ask you a favor?
1723
01:17:14,867 --> 01:17:18,067
Now, tomorrow I'm taking my
kids to Leavesden Studios...
1724
01:17:18,100 --> 01:17:20,267
to meet Harry Potter, which
you're welcome to come.
1725
01:17:20,300 --> 01:17:22,267
Hmm.
Yeah?
1726
01:17:22,300 --> 01:17:25,567
But I‐‐ we gotta leave here
by, I don't know, 6:45, 7:00...
1727
01:17:25,600 --> 01:17:28,867
because we've gotta be
there by 7:30 sharp.
1728
01:17:28,900 --> 01:17:34,167
So do you see any way, any way
at all that that could happen?
1729
01:17:34,200 --> 01:17:35,500
Yeah.
Yeah?
1730
01:17:35,533 --> 01:17:36,967
Sure.
Really?
1731
01:17:37,000 --> 01:17:38,233
Yeah.
1732
01:17:38,267 --> 01:17:41,367
You just have to pick the lock
to your jail cell, kill me...
1733
01:17:41,400 --> 01:17:43,967
and sneak past all these other
coppers and out the front door.
1734
01:17:44,000 --> 01:17:50,200
I mean other than a murderous
jail break, is it possible?
1735
01:17:50,233 --> 01:17:54,033
No chance. I'm the natural
born killer.
1736
01:18:03,467 --> 01:18:06,833
( SOMBER MUSIC PLAYING )
1737
01:18:12,867 --> 01:18:14,867
Come on, get up.
1738
01:18:14,900 --> 01:18:17,433
What time is it?
It's 11:55.
1739
01:18:17,467 --> 01:18:19,133
Time for you to make your call.
1740
01:18:19,167 --> 01:18:21,300
Oh... okay.
1741
01:18:21,333 --> 01:18:22,567
How'd it go?
Not good, man.
1742
01:18:22,600 --> 01:18:24,967
I‐‐ I‐‐ I don't think
he's gonna let me go.
1743
01:18:25,000 --> 01:18:28,233
Just make your call and let
me deal with him.
1744
01:18:28,267 --> 01:18:29,300
Here.
1745
01:18:30,400 --> 01:18:32,500
All right.
1746
01:18:32,533 --> 01:18:34,933
Okay.
1747
01:18:34,967 --> 01:18:40,900
Well, I mean, I don't have this
number memorized or anything.
1748
01:18:40,933 --> 01:18:45,900
Well, I just‐‐
do you know how to‐‐
1749
01:18:45,933 --> 01:18:47,900
Are you sure you don't have it?
1750
01:18:47,933 --> 01:18:50,900
No, I don't have it memorized...
can you just‐‐
1751
01:18:50,933 --> 01:18:52,033
Let me see.
1752
01:18:54,100 --> 01:18:56,100
Eh... Sloane Hotel.
1753
01:18:58,533 --> 01:19:00,067
Sloane Hotel, please.
1754
01:19:01,433 --> 01:19:03,367
Here, it's ringing.
1755
01:19:05,967 --> 01:19:10,267
Yeah, er... oh, hello, hello.
1756
01:19:10,300 --> 01:19:12,567
Hi, er, this is‐‐
1757
01:19:12,600 --> 01:19:17,200
Can you connect me with
Woodrow Wilson? Yeah.
1758
01:19:17,233 --> 01:19:19,467
Thank you.
1759
01:19:19,500 --> 01:19:22,233
It's my pseudonym.
1760
01:19:24,100 --> 01:19:29,200
Yeah, hi, hi, uh, yeah...
it's just ringing.
1761
01:19:30,833 --> 01:19:32,367
Hi, yeah. Hello?
1762
01:19:32,400 --> 01:19:34,367
It's ringing.
[PADDY] It's quite late.
1763
01:19:34,400 --> 01:19:36,933
Just keeps ringing and ringing.
1764
01:19:36,967 --> 01:19:40,867
[PADDY] No answer?
Hello? Hi.
1765
01:19:40,900 --> 01:19:44,133
Just ringing.
Maybe she's asleep.
1766
01:19:44,167 --> 01:19:46,367
Oh my god, hello?
1767
01:19:46,400 --> 01:19:50,033
Are you on the phone?
Yeah, yeah, hi.
1768
01:19:50,067 --> 01:19:52,033
Just one second, sir.
Sorry, sorry.
1769
01:19:52,067 --> 01:19:55,967
It's just... yeah, can you,
er, can you ring the room again?
1770
01:19:56,000 --> 01:20:00,233
Yeah, just ring it one
more time.
1771
01:20:00,267 --> 01:20:04,233
It's ringing.
It's quite late.
1772
01:20:04,267 --> 01:20:06,067
Ring, ring.
1773
01:20:09,467 --> 01:20:11,967
Just, I don't know why she
isn't picking up, man.
1774
01:20:12,000 --> 01:20:13,467
Maybe she's sleeping.
Unlucky.
1775
01:20:13,500 --> 01:20:15,067
Take him to his cell.
1776
01:20:15,100 --> 01:20:17,800
No... can you just, just
one second.
1777
01:20:18,933 --> 01:20:21,433
Hello? Hang on. Yeah, hello.
1778
01:20:21,467 --> 01:20:25,433
Listen, will... ring it
one more time, will you?
1779
01:20:25,467 --> 01:20:29,267
No, dude, I‐‐ I‐‐
I can't call back.
1780
01:20:29,300 --> 01:20:31,400
No, I‐‐ I can't, because this
is my only call.
1781
01:20:33,267 --> 01:20:37,367
Because I'm in jail, so would
you just please ring the room‐‐
1782
01:20:37,400 --> 01:20:40,300
Hello?
1783
01:20:40,333 --> 01:20:41,400
Alas.
1784
01:20:41,433 --> 01:20:44,500
What the hell? Why are people
hanging up on me today?
1785
01:20:44,533 --> 01:20:46,033
Unlucky.
1786
01:20:46,067 --> 01:20:47,567
Sir, maybe if we...
1787
01:20:47,600 --> 01:20:50,167
Can, can I just call her cell?
You had your call.
1788
01:20:50,200 --> 01:20:52,400
Just let me call her cell.
You had your call.
1789
01:20:52,433 --> 01:20:53,633
Well that's not fair, man.
1790
01:20:53,667 --> 01:20:56,033
Sir, if we mention that we're,
we're the police, then maybe...
1791
01:20:56,067 --> 01:20:57,400
Take him, Paddy.
1792
01:20:57,433 --> 01:20:59,000
No, please, please, just let
me...
1793
01:20:59,033 --> 01:21:00,567
Let's go, sir. Come on.
Take him.
1794
01:21:00,600 --> 01:21:04,900
Come on, let's go, now, now.
1795
01:21:04,933 --> 01:21:06,933
Can I ask a favor, man?
There's nothing I can do.
1796
01:21:06,967 --> 01:21:08,167
This is my first day.
1797
01:21:08,200 --> 01:21:09,267
Dude, do you have a pen
and paper?
1798
01:21:09,300 --> 01:21:10,900
There's only so much I can
help with, I'm new here.
1799
01:21:10,933 --> 01:21:12,333
Please, do you have a pen
and paper?
1800
01:21:12,367 --> 01:21:14,167
Here.
Okay, look.
1801
01:21:14,200 --> 01:21:18,167
I want you to just call
this number, right?
1802
01:21:18,200 --> 01:21:22,500
And my wife will come and,
and, and save me, okay?
1803
01:21:22,533 --> 01:21:24,267
So just please do this...
1804
01:21:24,300 --> 01:21:26,267
because my kids are gonna meet
Harry Potter in the morning.
1805
01:21:26,300 --> 01:21:28,267
It's gonna be the biggest
day of their lives.
1806
01:21:28,300 --> 01:21:30,367
And I beg you, please,
please to do‐‐
1807
01:21:30,400 --> 01:21:31,900
You, you, you have any kids?
1808
01:21:33,433 --> 01:21:34,867
Yeah.
1809
01:21:34,900 --> 01:21:37,833
What?
What?
1810
01:21:37,867 --> 01:21:38,833
What?
1811
01:21:38,867 --> 01:21:40,067
I just told you about my
son eleven minutes ago.
1812
01:21:40,100 --> 01:21:42,567
Were you listening, you fake?
Feigning interest in my kid.
1813
01:21:42,600 --> 01:21:43,933
"Maybe our kids could
play together."
1814
01:21:43,967 --> 01:21:45,167
Oh, no.
You're a fraud.
1815
01:21:45,200 --> 01:21:46,267
Oh I am so sorry, dude, I'm so‐‐
1816
01:21:46,300 --> 01:21:47,567
Don't try and nuzzle up to
me, you two‐faced creep.
1817
01:21:47,600 --> 01:21:49,167
I don't talk about me son
to anyone.
1818
01:21:49,200 --> 01:21:50,300
That's cre‐‐ you're creepy.
No.
1819
01:21:50,333 --> 01:21:52,233
No, no, I'm not creepy, man‐‐
You are, you're creepy.
1820
01:21:52,267 --> 01:21:54,033
You two‐faced, stoner,
Hollywood creep, let's go.
1821
01:21:54,067 --> 01:21:56,133
But, but my, my kids are
not creepy.
1822
01:21:56,167 --> 01:21:58,000
They're the most uncreepy
kids in the world.
1823
01:21:58,033 --> 01:21:59,433
They deserve to meet
Harry Potter.
1824
01:21:59,467 --> 01:22:01,267
Yeah, well, my kid deserves
to meet Harry Potter, too.
1825
01:22:01,300 --> 01:22:03,333
Well, bring him and they
can meet, and all of them...
1826
01:22:03,367 --> 01:22:06,133
can meet Bumbledore and, and
Harry Potter, and, and Her H...
1827
01:22:06,167 --> 01:22:08,400
Look, dude, dude, I‐‐ I‐‐
I'm sorry, okay?
1828
01:22:08,433 --> 01:22:09,533
Yeah, you look it, let's go.
1829
01:22:09,567 --> 01:22:11,900
No, I mean, I'm‐‐ I'm a lousy
excuse for a human being.
1830
01:22:11,933 --> 01:22:13,133
Well, I couldn't have summed
it up better myself.
1831
01:22:13,167 --> 01:22:14,933
I never graduated
from adolescence.
1832
01:22:14,967 --> 01:22:17,933
I'm like perpetually, you know
and I‐‐ I get high all the time.
1833
01:22:17,967 --> 01:22:19,300
And I get drunk all the time.
1834
01:22:19,333 --> 01:22:20,467
And I'm filling my senses...
1835
01:22:20,500 --> 01:22:23,033
and my heart is withering
in my chest.
1836
01:22:23,067 --> 01:22:27,300
And‐‐ and my wife is the
most incredible person...
1837
01:22:27,333 --> 01:22:28,533
on this earth and I‐‐
1838
01:22:28,567 --> 01:22:31,367
Dude, she's, she's gonna
leave me.
1839
01:22:31,400 --> 01:22:32,933
And when she leaves me,
I'm gonna...
1840
01:22:32,967 --> 01:22:36,233
I'm gonna break up with
myself, man.
1841
01:22:36,267 --> 01:22:39,033
I‐‐ I‐‐ look I was,
I was manipulating you earlier.
1842
01:22:39,067 --> 01:22:40,533
I was trying to curry favor...
1843
01:22:40,567 --> 01:22:43,300
pretend that I cared about your
son, hoping you'd help me.
1844
01:22:43,333 --> 01:22:45,133
But I don't blame you if
you don't forgive me.
1845
01:22:45,167 --> 01:22:48,867
I mean, I've‐‐ I've actually
grown unsympathetic to myself.
1846
01:22:48,900 --> 01:22:52,000
But I, I, I would love to take
you and your son to meet...
1847
01:22:52,033 --> 01:22:54,233
Harry Potter tomorrow if, if‐‐
1848
01:22:56,567 --> 01:23:00,067
You can believe that, man,
even if my family can't come.
1849
01:23:00,100 --> 01:23:03,100
You'd take me and my son
with you to see Harry Potter?
1850
01:23:03,133 --> 01:23:05,100
Even if your family didn't come?
1851
01:23:05,133 --> 01:23:06,400
Yeah. Yeah, I...
1852
01:23:06,433 --> 01:23:09,100
You could be manipulating
me now.
1853
01:23:09,133 --> 01:23:11,100
But I'm not asking you
for anything.
1854
01:23:11,133 --> 01:23:14,033
Neither am I.
Come on, let's go.
1855
01:23:14,067 --> 01:23:17,900
Yeah, but...
Come on, go, let's go, get in.
1856
01:23:22,100 --> 01:23:24,167
Pad, Paddy?
1857
01:23:25,867 --> 01:23:27,100
Yeah?
1858
01:23:27,133 --> 01:23:29,800
Thanks, man.
For what?
1859
01:23:29,833 --> 01:23:33,433
You're a good man.
Goodnight.
1860
01:23:33,467 --> 01:23:36,533
I think that's yours.
Oh, thank you.
1861
01:24:00,567 --> 01:24:01,933
God.
1862
01:24:05,433 --> 01:24:07,200
Stupid!
1863
01:24:07,233 --> 01:24:10,133
Stupid, stupid, stupid...
1864
01:24:10,167 --> 01:24:16,233
stupid, stupid, stupid,
stupid, stupid!
1865
01:24:45,100 --> 01:24:51,933
God, it's been a while...
1866
01:24:51,967 --> 01:24:54,467
and I haven't been a very
good Christian.
1867
01:24:54,500 --> 01:25:01,467
I know, I guess I got lost
in the carnival and I just...
1868
01:25:01,500 --> 01:25:04,867
I don't know if you're
up there, God...
1869
01:25:04,900 --> 01:25:09,033
but if you are, this is it, man.
1870
01:25:09,067 --> 01:25:14,433
I mean, my wife and my, my
best friend on the same day.
1871
01:25:14,467 --> 01:25:19,967
I mean, even Job had a week
to adjust, I mean, God...
1872
01:25:20,000 --> 01:25:24,967
please, please, God,
don't let me lose her.
1873
01:25:25,000 --> 01:25:31,333
Please give me another chance.
Please, God. Please.
1874
01:25:31,367 --> 01:25:34,233
Please, please, God.
1875
01:25:37,833 --> 01:25:39,067
Please.
1876
01:25:39,100 --> 01:25:42,033
( SOFT MUSIC PLAYING )
1877
01:25:45,500 --> 01:25:47,867
♪ The streets are dark
and quiet in London ♪
1878
01:25:47,900 --> 01:25:49,400
♪ After midnight ♪
1879
01:25:51,267 --> 01:25:52,300
♪ Listen ♪
1880
01:25:57,400 --> 01:26:00,000
♪ But silence is the master
of darkness ♪
1881
01:26:00,033 --> 01:26:04,133
♪ And London can sleep tonight
protected by the master ♪
1882
01:26:07,233 --> 01:26:11,300
♪ London ♪
1883
01:26:13,100 --> 01:26:15,933
♪ London ♪
1884
01:26:18,233 --> 01:26:24,767
♪ You scream the largest
portion of the day ♪
1885
01:26:30,100 --> 01:26:33,167
♪ London ♪
1886
01:26:35,833 --> 01:26:39,867
♪ London ♪
1887
01:26:42,100 --> 01:26:47,400
♪ Rest your lungs
Tomorrow's on its way ♪
1888
01:26:53,406 --> 01:26:54,973
Willie, what's going on?
1889
01:26:55,006 --> 01:26:57,873
Everything at once, man,
it's freaking me out.
1890
01:26:58,940 --> 01:27:00,706
They let you in here?
1891
01:27:00,740 --> 01:27:02,906
Yeah, I'm feeling it's a lot
easier to get in one of these...
1892
01:27:02,940 --> 01:27:05,106
places than it is to get
out of 'em.
1893
01:27:05,140 --> 01:27:08,540
How are you doing?
Terrible, man.
1894
01:27:08,573 --> 01:27:10,106
Yeah?
Yeah.
1895
01:27:10,140 --> 01:27:12,973
My old lady used to say,
"Don't worry about a thing...
1896
01:27:13,006 --> 01:27:16,106
"'cause there ain't nothing
gonna be all right".
1897
01:27:16,140 --> 01:27:20,006
Oh, man, I just, I messed
up real bad.
1898
01:27:20,040 --> 01:27:22,773
Well, you just did what
other men have done.
1899
01:27:22,806 --> 01:27:23,773
I've done it myself.
1900
01:27:23,806 --> 01:27:27,506
Yeah, but you've had like
129 wives, Willie.
1901
01:27:27,540 --> 01:27:29,540
I just want one, I want Laura.
1902
01:27:29,573 --> 01:27:31,540
Well, what do you think
women want?
1903
01:27:31,573 --> 01:27:35,806
Well, I don't know... love.
1904
01:27:35,840 --> 01:27:38,706
Love, honesty, respect, loyalty.
1905
01:27:38,740 --> 01:27:41,806
Oh, yeah, well I should
have thought of those.
1906
01:27:41,840 --> 01:27:43,473
Those are the hard ones.
1907
01:27:43,506 --> 01:27:46,473
Yeah, well, this ain't about
what you're going through.
1908
01:27:46,506 --> 01:27:48,073
This is about what
Laura's going through.
1909
01:27:48,106 --> 01:27:49,173
That's what you gotta
think about.
1910
01:27:49,206 --> 01:27:53,906
Grow a spine. If you're gonna
be a bear, be a grizzly.
1911
01:27:53,940 --> 01:27:56,506
Oh, well that, that is
good advice, Willie.
1912
01:27:56,540 --> 01:27:59,140
Excuse me, I'll be right back.
1913
01:27:59,173 --> 01:28:01,606
Uh, did you miss me?
1914
01:28:01,640 --> 01:28:05,773
[WOODY] Huh. You're the best,
Willie. I so appreciate you.
1915
01:28:05,806 --> 01:28:08,640
Hey, I'm gonna put in a good
word for you...
1916
01:28:08,673 --> 01:28:11,906
'cause you know, I always liked
you just a little bit.
1917
01:28:13,673 --> 01:28:17,106
[WOODY] Thank you, Willie,
thank you so much.
1918
01:28:17,140 --> 01:28:19,440
You're as welcome as the
flowers in spring.
1919
01:28:19,473 --> 01:28:22,640
And if you ever need
a friend, buy a dog.
1920
01:28:24,740 --> 01:28:27,706
You're the Texas Dalai Lama,
man.
1921
01:28:30,506 --> 01:28:33,673
( MUSIC FADES UP )
1922
01:29:18,473 --> 01:29:23,073
( DOOR OPENS )
1923
01:29:23,106 --> 01:29:27,673
[OWEN]
Wake up, buttercup. Carpe diem.
1924
01:29:29,406 --> 01:29:31,106
O?
1925
01:29:31,140 --> 01:29:33,440
It's me, buddy.
1926
01:29:33,473 --> 01:29:36,040
Oh, did you see Willie?
1927
01:29:36,073 --> 01:29:38,006
Willie's on Maui, amigo.
1928
01:29:38,040 --> 01:29:41,806
Ah, man, well I dreamed
he was here.
1929
01:29:41,840 --> 01:29:44,640
Am I dreaming you're here?
1930
01:29:44,673 --> 01:29:46,640
No, I'm here, I just paid
your bail.
1931
01:29:46,673 --> 01:29:48,773
Oh, thanks, buddy.
1932
01:29:48,806 --> 01:29:50,073
Don't thank me, thank Paddy.
1933
01:29:50,106 --> 01:29:53,073
Thank you so much, Paddy.
No worries.
1934
01:29:53,106 --> 01:29:54,506
What time is it?
1935
01:29:54,540 --> 01:29:56,006
It's time to go meet
Harry Potter.
1936
01:29:56,040 --> 01:29:58,106
Oh, yes! Yes!
1937
01:29:58,140 --> 01:30:02,506
Okay, so, er, you called Laura?
Called Laura.
1938
01:30:02,540 --> 01:30:04,806
Then Laura called you?
[OWEN] Yeah.
1939
01:30:04,840 --> 01:30:08,640
And, so, Laura saved me, huh?
1940
01:30:08,673 --> 01:30:12,673
Yeah. Laura saved me.
1941
01:30:12,706 --> 01:30:14,640
Sorry about that fight.
1942
01:30:14,673 --> 01:30:16,540
Oh, me, too, bro.
1943
01:30:16,573 --> 01:30:20,606
Oh, gosh, I gotta say,
you are quite the scrapper.
1944
01:30:20,640 --> 01:30:25,540
Yeah, you did run into a little
bit of a buzz saw tonight.
1945
01:30:25,573 --> 01:30:26,806
Yeah.
1946
01:30:26,840 --> 01:30:30,673
You're lucky‐‐ you're lucky they
pulled me off you when they did.
1947
01:30:30,706 --> 01:30:31,840
Well, you know, I was just...
1948
01:30:31,873 --> 01:30:33,106
I was getting ready
to crank it up.
1949
01:30:33,140 --> 01:30:36,140
pretending to lose consciousness
I was about to stage a comeback.
1950
01:30:36,173 --> 01:30:39,073
I could feel that,
playing possum.
1951
01:30:39,106 --> 01:30:42,906
I could also feel that Vulcan
death grip that you did...
1952
01:30:42,940 --> 01:30:46,440
on my head that just left
me feeling a little concussed.
1953
01:30:46,473 --> 01:30:48,406
Dude, tell me I didn't
hurt your moneymaker.
1954
01:30:48,440 --> 01:30:49,673
I mean, now that's the
main thing.
1955
01:30:49,706 --> 01:30:51,473
No, it's okay.
1956
01:30:51,506 --> 01:30:54,140
I mean, is that cheeky‐boy
smile still there, right?
1957
01:30:54,173 --> 01:30:56,140
Please, let's never lose that.
1958
01:30:56,173 --> 01:30:57,740
Oh, my god.
1959
01:30:57,773 --> 01:30:59,506
Come and meet me son.
1960
01:30:59,540 --> 01:31:01,606
Let's go.
Yeah, okay.
1961
01:31:01,640 --> 01:31:05,106
You know, you did actually a
pretty good, um, 'Larry Flynt'.
1962
01:31:05,140 --> 01:31:07,506
Oh... come on.
1963
01:31:07,540 --> 01:31:09,540
Now your free.
1964
01:31:09,573 --> 01:31:12,740
Free at last! Free at last!
1965
01:31:21,406 --> 01:31:22,806
Where's Laura and the kids?
1966
01:31:24,140 --> 01:31:26,640
They're not here.
1967
01:31:26,673 --> 01:31:29,806
What do you mean? I thought
they were gonna be here.
1968
01:31:29,840 --> 01:31:31,373
I don't know.
1969
01:31:31,406 --> 01:31:34,873
Hold it, but you talked to her
on the phone, right?
1970
01:31:34,906 --> 01:31:37,473
She called me and asked me
to call Paddy...
1971
01:31:37,506 --> 01:31:38,740
and come bail you out.
1972
01:31:38,773 --> 01:31:44,006
But, well, so... you don't
know where she is?
1973
01:31:46,440 --> 01:31:48,440
No idea.
1974
01:31:50,806 --> 01:31:52,873
Sorry.
1975
01:31:52,906 --> 01:31:55,806
( SOFT MUSIC PLAYING )
1976
01:32:35,540 --> 01:32:38,973
Hold on, so where's,
where's your son?
1977
01:32:39,006 --> 01:32:41,406
Well, we're going to
collect him.
1978
01:32:41,440 --> 01:32:44,706
You still wanna go, yeah,
see Harry Potter?
1979
01:32:44,740 --> 01:32:47,640
Yeah, I mean, we might
as well.
1980
01:32:47,673 --> 01:32:50,940
Be good to, at least for us
to see Harry Potter.
1981
01:32:50,973 --> 01:32:53,573
Well, you guys, I'm gonna have
to take a rain check, I think.
1982
01:32:53,606 --> 01:32:55,806
You guys can drop me off
on the way.
1983
01:32:55,840 --> 01:32:58,006
What do you mean?
What are you doing?
1984
01:32:58,040 --> 01:33:01,073
I got that meeting
I gotta go to.
1985
01:33:01,106 --> 01:33:03,706
What, at this hour
of the morning?
1986
01:33:03,740 --> 01:33:06,673
Morning meeting.
1987
01:33:06,706 --> 01:33:08,006
Well, with who?
1988
01:33:08,040 --> 01:33:09,940
It's not important.
1989
01:33:09,973 --> 01:33:12,640
Dude, who‐‐ who are you meeting?
1990
01:33:14,006 --> 01:33:15,473
Wes.
1991
01:33:15,506 --> 01:33:17,940
Wes?
1992
01:33:17,973 --> 01:33:19,840
Your best friend?
1993
01:33:21,806 --> 01:33:24,906
Yeah, Wes, my best friend...
and guess what?
1994
01:33:24,940 --> 01:33:29,373
I have three brothers,
Andrew, Luke and Woody.
1995
01:33:29,406 --> 01:33:32,840
I feel like I just got demoted
from second best friend...
1996
01:33:32,873 --> 01:33:36,606
to third favorite brother...
god.
1997
01:33:38,040 --> 01:33:40,606
Hits just keep on coming, man.
1998
01:33:42,740 --> 01:33:44,640
Come on.
1999
01:33:44,673 --> 01:33:46,840
You want me to tell Wes
you said hello?
2000
01:33:46,873 --> 01:33:49,540
Yeah, yeah, you know,
I actually do like him.
2001
01:33:49,573 --> 01:33:51,006
You guys get along.
2002
01:33:51,040 --> 01:33:54,873
I'm just jealous, because he
never called me for anything.
2003
01:33:58,473 --> 01:34:01,973
Hey, what was that thing you
were saying was the...
2004
01:34:02,006 --> 01:34:07,373
talking about the beautiful
thing that me and Laura had?
2005
01:34:07,406 --> 01:34:09,740
In the club?
Yeah.
2006
01:34:09,773 --> 01:34:12,873
Oh, I was kind of just...
2007
01:34:12,906 --> 01:34:16,340
scrambling a little bit,
but I mean‐‐
2008
01:34:18,773 --> 01:34:20,573
What's going on?
2009
01:34:20,606 --> 01:34:23,673
Can a police car pull
over another police car?
2010
01:34:23,706 --> 01:34:24,940
[PADDY]
It's a bit strange, all right.
2011
01:34:24,973 --> 01:34:27,373
Well that doesn't make
any sense.
2012
01:34:32,640 --> 01:34:34,473
[PADDY] Find out who it is.
2013
01:34:38,806 --> 01:34:39,906
But it doesn't surprise me, man.
2014
01:34:39,940 --> 01:34:42,806
The way things are going,
this, this night is, er...
2015
01:34:42,840 --> 01:34:44,440
just never gonna stop.
2016
01:34:44,473 --> 01:34:45,640
( KNOCK ON DOOR )
2017
01:34:45,673 --> 01:34:47,873
License and registration?
2018
01:34:47,906 --> 01:34:51,540
Dante... what's going on, man?
2019
01:34:51,573 --> 01:34:54,973
You don't think I was gonna
miss Harry Potter, do you?
2020
01:34:55,006 --> 01:34:57,706
Sign this.
Oh, great, great.
2021
01:34:57,740 --> 01:34:59,840
Wow, just great.
2022
01:35:02,006 --> 01:35:04,740
And, er, we might have a
few surprise guests.
2023
01:35:08,073 --> 01:35:10,673
Daddy!
Kids!
2024
01:35:10,706 --> 01:35:13,440
Ah!
2025
01:35:13,473 --> 01:35:15,540
Why didn't you come home
last night?
2026
01:35:15,573 --> 01:35:16,906
Where were you?
2027
01:35:16,940 --> 01:35:18,573
Oh, well, okay, I'm gonna...
2028
01:35:18,606 --> 01:35:21,506
er, I'm gonna explain
it all to you, okay?
2029
01:35:21,540 --> 01:35:25,006
Um, you got any jokes for me?
Uh, yeah.
2030
01:35:25,040 --> 01:35:28,106
When you go into the
bathroom, you're American.
2031
01:35:28,140 --> 01:35:30,006
When you come out of
the bathroom, you're American.
2032
01:35:30,040 --> 01:35:31,806
What are you when you're
in the bathroom?
2033
01:35:31,840 --> 01:35:33,006
Ah, I give up.
2034
01:35:33,040 --> 01:35:35,473
You're a peein'.
2035
01:35:35,506 --> 01:35:39,473
Okay, there was this zoo with
no animals and just one dog.
2036
01:35:39,506 --> 01:35:41,640
It was a Shitzu.
I don't get it.
2037
01:35:41,673 --> 01:35:43,806
[PADDY] Woody, this is Billy.
Dumb joke.
2038
01:35:43,840 --> 01:35:45,140
Say hello, Billy... who's that?
Billy!
2039
01:35:45,173 --> 01:35:47,140
Hello, Billy.
Who's this?
2040
01:35:47,173 --> 01:35:48,906
What you got here?
Harry Potter.
2041
01:35:48,940 --> 01:35:50,540
Harry Potter.
2042
01:35:50,573 --> 01:35:52,040
Oh, it's nice to meet you.
2043
01:35:52,073 --> 01:35:53,240
Put me down.
I'm gonna give you a minute.
2044
01:35:53,273 --> 01:35:57,540
Let's go, kids... I'll give you
a minute, come on, let's go!
2045
01:35:57,573 --> 01:35:59,506
[PADDY] Let's go and see
Harry Potter!
2046
01:36:09,006 --> 01:36:11,440
I thought you left me.
2047
01:36:11,473 --> 01:36:13,140
I did leave you.
2048
01:36:13,173 --> 01:36:15,006
But the sins of the father...
2049
01:36:15,040 --> 01:36:17,473
don't need to be visited
on his children.
2050
01:36:17,506 --> 01:36:20,040
They really wanna meet
Harry Potter.
2051
01:36:20,073 --> 01:36:23,840
So that's the reason
you're here?
2052
01:36:23,873 --> 01:36:25,840
Mostly.
2053
01:36:27,540 --> 01:36:30,040
I've been doing a lot
of thinking.
2054
01:36:30,073 --> 01:36:31,973
Yeah, so have I.
2055
01:36:32,006 --> 01:36:38,006
And, er, I know I cause you a
lot of pain and humiliation.
2056
01:36:38,040 --> 01:36:41,673
You do not make it easy, Woody.
2057
01:36:41,706 --> 01:36:44,006
And I, I, I can't...
2058
01:36:44,040 --> 01:36:48,640
I tell you you're, you're the
most amazing woman in the world.
2059
01:36:48,673 --> 01:36:50,073
And you're‐‐ you're the
one for me.
2060
01:36:50,106 --> 01:36:53,873
Just not the only.
2061
01:36:53,906 --> 01:36:58,706
I can't imagine this, your, my
world without you, I can't.
2062
01:36:58,740 --> 01:37:04,540
But... I think if I'm really
gonna be selfless about this...
2063
01:37:04,573 --> 01:37:07,140
I don't wanna see you
saddled with me...
2064
01:37:07,173 --> 01:37:11,573
cuz I don't wanna see the person
I love with the person I hate.
2065
01:37:11,606 --> 01:37:16,473
And I, I know that the best
thing that I can do for you...
2066
01:37:16,506 --> 01:37:18,873
and the only way I can
truly love you...
2067
01:37:18,906 --> 01:37:23,040
is to help you get rid of me.
2068
01:37:23,073 --> 01:37:30,406
So I want you to go, in
that van, and leave me here.
2069
01:37:30,440 --> 01:37:33,773
At least then I'll know
you'll be all right, honey.
2070
01:37:49,540 --> 01:37:50,906
( ENGINE STARTING )
2071
01:37:57,573 --> 01:38:00,040
No! No, no!
No! No! No!
2072
01:38:06,192 --> 01:38:07,928
[LAURA] Woody?!
Papa!
2073
01:38:09,961 --> 01:38:12,061
[LAURA] How's it going down
there, jail bird?
2074
01:38:12,094 --> 01:38:13,528
It's been better.
2075
01:38:13,561 --> 01:38:14,528
[PADDY] Come on, Woods.
2076
01:38:14,561 --> 01:38:17,561
Get him up, kids.
Let's get him in the van.
2077
01:38:20,594 --> 01:38:24,594
You know, Woodrow, you're
not quite rid of us.
2078
01:38:26,628 --> 01:38:28,794
Does that mean you're not
gonna leave me?
2079
01:38:28,828 --> 01:38:30,528
Not yet.
2080
01:38:30,561 --> 01:38:32,828
Let's just see how the day goes.
2081
01:38:32,861 --> 01:38:35,961
( SOFT MUSIC PLAYING )
2082
01:38:43,861 --> 01:38:45,561
[WOODY] Hello, Billy.
2083
01:38:45,594 --> 01:38:46,694
[LAURA] Hey, guys.
[PADDY] Say, "Hi, Woody".
2084
01:38:46,728 --> 01:38:48,994
[BILLY] Hi, Woody.
2085
01:38:49,028 --> 01:38:50,861
[BILLY] Harry Potter.
2086
01:38:50,894 --> 01:38:53,094
[WOODY] Harry Potter!
2087
01:38:53,128 --> 01:38:55,128
[LAURA] Yeah!
2088
01:38:55,161 --> 01:38:56,328
( MUSIC ENDS )
2089
01:39:36,161 --> 01:39:38,861
So I remember when Woody and
his family visited...
2090
01:39:38,894 --> 01:39:42,094
the Harry Potter set on, I
believe it was the second film.
2091
01:39:42,128 --> 01:39:44,128
Um, so I was about 12 or 13.
2092
01:39:44,161 --> 01:39:48,794
And, er, whenever sort of famous
people or actors came out...
2093
01:39:48,828 --> 01:39:50,794
to the set, you know, it was
very exciting.
2094
01:39:50,828 --> 01:39:53,094
So the crew, everyone was very
excited, I was very excited.
2095
01:39:53,128 --> 01:39:57,394
Er, and, and I met him and
he was, they were all lovely.
2096
01:39:57,428 --> 01:39:59,961
Um, and then later that day...
2097
01:39:59,994 --> 01:40:04,861
sort of news started filtering
through about some weirdness...
2098
01:40:04,894 --> 01:40:07,828
altercation with a taxi the
previous night.
2099
01:40:07,861 --> 01:40:10,994
And the genuine reaction
around the set was...
2100
01:40:11,028 --> 01:40:14,694
"Did Woody Harrelson just come
and use the Harry Potter set...
2101
01:40:14,728 --> 01:40:16,928
"as a safe house for a day?"
2102
01:40:16,961 --> 01:40:19,394
"And was he just like
coming here to hide out?".
2103
01:40:19,428 --> 01:40:22,528
Um, which it turns out wasn't
the case, but if it had been...
2104
01:40:22,561 --> 01:40:25,628
it would have been a pretty
cool thing to do.
2105
01:40:25,661 --> 01:40:30,994
Um, so, yeah, er, that was, that
was the first time I met Woody.
2106
01:40:31,028 --> 01:40:33,994
( MUSIC PLAYING )
2107
01:40:54,861 --> 01:40:59,061
♪ Been bound up and wound up
Could barely get a sound up ♪
2108
01:40:59,094 --> 01:41:01,428
♪ Been cheated mistreated ♪
2109
01:41:01,461 --> 01:41:03,661
♪ Don't even care to think
of it ♪
2110
01:41:03,694 --> 01:41:07,794
♪ Been wasted basted
Till I could hardly taste it ♪
2111
01:41:07,828 --> 01:41:12,061
♪ Knocked down kicked around
Left to hug a cold ground ♪
2112
01:41:12,094 --> 01:41:22,028
♪ But I feel every story
Every story you reveal ♪
2113
01:41:22,061 --> 01:41:29,394
♪ If love is my greatest
glory ♪
2114
01:41:29,428 --> 01:41:34,861
♪ My greatest glory
I cannot conceal ♪
2115
01:41:42,161 --> 01:41:46,694
♪ Been greedy and needy
Sinister and seedy ♪
2116
01:41:46,728 --> 01:41:50,728
♪ Lost in illusion
I cuddle my confusion ♪
2117
01:41:50,761 --> 01:41:55,394
♪ I crawl from my kingdom
to wallow in your wisdom ♪
2118
01:41:55,428 --> 01:41:59,394
♪ Listless lecherous
Oh my god I'm such a mess ♪
2119
01:41:59,428 --> 01:42:05,828
♪ But I feel every story ♪
2120
01:42:05,861 --> 01:42:09,761
♪ Every story you conceal ♪
2121
01:42:09,794 --> 01:42:15,894
♪ If love is my
greatest glory ♪
2122
01:42:15,928 --> 01:42:21,994
♪ My greatest glory
I'm ready to reveal ♪
2123
01:42:25,061 --> 01:42:29,894
♪ My love never let you down ♪
2124
01:42:33,594 --> 01:42:38,394
♪ My love never let you down ♪
2125
01:42:41,861 --> 01:42:46,694
♪ My love never let you down ♪
2126
01:42:49,094 --> 01:42:51,461
♪ I'll always be around ♪
2127
01:42:53,728 --> 01:42:57,861
♪ Always be around ♪
2128
01:42:57,894 --> 01:43:00,461
♪ Always be around ♪
2129
01:43:01,861 --> 01:43:07,461
♪ Always be around ♪
2130
01:43:07,494 --> 01:43:11,728
♪ Yeah all right ♪
2131
01:43:15,794 --> 01:43:20,994
♪ Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
all right ♪
162040
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