All language subtitles for Upper.Middle.Bogan.S03E02_English

[car lock beeps]

[upbeat music playing]

♪ Come on home ♪

♪ Comin' home baby now ♪

♪ You know I'm waitin' here for you ♪

♪ I'm comin' home now real soon ♪

♪ You've been gone ♪

♪ Comin' home baby now ♪

♪ You don't know what I'm goin' through ♪

♪ I'm comin' home I know I'm overdue ♪

♪ Since you went away
Expect me any day now ♪

♪ Real soon ♪

♪ I'm comin' home
and never more to roam ♪

♪ Baby tell me you're
Baby I'm for sure ♪

♪ Coming home ♪

♪ I'm comin' home
Come on home ♪

[dog barks in distance]

Thanks, Brianna! I enjoyed that.

You complained the entire time.

I enjoyed it when you said
we were finished. [chuckles]

Coffee?

Is what you say when you want cake.

Brianna, I'm not 12 years old.

-If I want cake, I will say.
-[ignition fails]

Does this mean we can't get cake? Coffee?

No! Lexie...

Should we call roadside assistance?

Ew.

[upbeat music playing]

[engine roars]

[car horn plays "La Cucaracha"]

Thank you!

Oh!

-Hey, Margo.
-[Margo grunts]

Are they legal?

You after a set?

Kayne, eBay or Supercheap Auto?

Of course I'm not after...
Wayne, I'm with the RACV.

Ouch! $133 per year versus 35 bucks
for a two-pack, Margaret.

Excuse me.
I was on the jogging path...

Yes, I'm sorry. They're not from here.

...when you drove past in this.

-They're not used to walking.
-And I just love all this!

Trail bikes are permitted
in the parks where they live.

You love what?

-Who did your artwork?
-[Margaret] What artwork?

Can I get the name of the artist?

-[engines revving]
-Artist?

There is no artist!

-Who drew it?
-That would be my son.

-He's very talented.
-Yep, you're good to go.

Does all the signage for Wheeler Racing,

T-shirts, flags, stubby holders.

I'm Cassie.

I've got a shop in High Street,
with a big, ugly brown wall

that I'd love to fill with your imagery.

Which shop? One of those new ones?

Home Essentials, Best Home,
House and Home, Home and House,

Hospitable Home?

Wheeler Racing logo on a shop wall.

Not the actual logo, obviously.
More an extension on the style.

You mean like this?

[Brianna] How wicked is that?

-He does all Aussie animals.
-I love it!

Wish Mum was here.
You should see his wombat.

I've got to have some of this work,

and I'd be thrilled to help
get your name out there.

I would love to get my name out there!

Can I have your card?

Go get one of my Wheeler Racing
ones from the glove box

and write your name on it.

Brianna's the face of Wheeler Racing.
She turns heads.

Show her how you guide
the dragster onto the start line.

[chuckles]

How about we go with her image
on the wall, plus the full logo,

then we can chat about some sponsorship?

This is more about getting
a young artist's name out there.

Artist?

Kanye?

I've never heard anyone else called that.

It's Kayne. The Y goes before the N.

I was too excited to spell.

Are you happy with Kayne?

Because Kanye would look really cool
on the side of a building.

Mmm. Probably important
to get the right name out there.

So I got you a little something.
I thought this looks just like you.

Aw!

[gasps]

I love it! It's beautiful!

See, Amber, I told you she'd like it.

Julie... It's a Fendi.

It's good, isn't it?

Yeah, but it's too much.
I can't accept it.

Of course you can. Honestly,
no-one else at the party wanted it

because it didn't have enough bling.

Heather had her back
from Bali party on Tuesday.

-Back from Bali?
-Yeah.

She brought back all the knock-offs.

Oh! [laughs]
Back from Bali.

Why? You thought it was real?

That Mum had a tidy twoK she could
drop on a bag for her princess?

No, of course not.

I just said "back from Bali"

because I didn't realize
Helen was back already.

- Heather!
- Heather.

Because of the ash cloud.

Oh, there's been so many delays.

No, obviously I knew
that this was actually a fake.

So...do you love it?

-I love it.
-Yeah, right.

No, I absolutely, I do!

Can't even wait to start using it.

Let's look alive, people! Come on! Hi-bye.

-Why? Kiss me!
-Oh, come on.

-Mwah.
-What are you, the Pope?

We need coffee and the kids
want to go to Officeworks.

Oscar needs bubble wrap
for his history project.

It's an essay.

Popping bubble wrap helps me think.

-What's behind your back?
-Nothing! I'm stretching.

It's a yoga...pose.

Namascaro, pashimana, sana, pana, hana.

Yes. No. That's right.
I know pashmina nana mouskouri.

It means reverse prayer pose.

Or, "I bought a bag
and I don't want to show you" pose.

I did not buy a bag.

Julie bought it for me.

It's actually nice.

-Yeah. Except that it's a fake.
-So?

Do we need to go over
intellectual property law again?

-Aha!
-Aha what?

You know what you are?
Irritated with my husband?

You're always going on about me
being a snob. Who's the snob now?

I am not a snob, otherwise
I wouldn't be carrying the bag.

Hiding the bag.

[sighs] It's not that
I mind that it's a fake.

It's j... It's... It's...

That it's a fake.

Bye-bye now.

Mmm. This is the single origin?

Because last time I definitely got
the sweet apricot notes,

but I felt there was a bitter tinge.

-Maybe you should try some.
-Great idea.

Oh, snap.

Oh, a couple of babycinos for the kids.

I'll be in the car in my booster seat.

No, no, you might spill it.

Carlo, what's, uh...
Why is everyone wearing my shirt?

Oh, yeah. We decided to get
a uniform. Something smart.

So everyone's wearing them?
Must have cost you a fortune.

Think they came out at $12 apiece.

We found this great uniform factory
that does them in bulk.

Bitter?

No. Wear what you like.

What difference does it make

if you have the same shirt
as the coffee guys?

Because two women in there
just asked me for long macchiatos.

-I had this shirt first. It's mine.
-[bubble wrap pops]

Dad just doesn't want to wear
something that you can buy in bulk.

What's wrong with that?

I bought this premium
and then two weeks later,

everyone's buying it off a pallet.

And if everyone's wearing it,

no-one can tell you paid
a lot more money for yours.

Exactly. No, no, no, no, no.
This is not about money.

Oh, fine. I don't even care.

[pop!]

And we're not telling
your mother about this. Understand?

The shirt's fine. I'm not a snob.

Whoa!

Is that the sickest thing
you've ever seen?

[Margaret] Quite possibly.

Thanks, Margo!
I've only got two echidnas to go.

Ta, Brianna.
And, Margo, you should look inside.

Cassie's got wicked stuff.

I couldn't agree more.

Nasty, cheap imports
with hefty price tags.

Wicked means good, Margaret.

Have you seen
the pineapple laundry hamper?

[Cassie] That would look
fantastic in the beach house.

And I'll give you a call as soon
as the copper pinch pots are in.

[Cassie] Isn't he something?

Kayne, you're stopping people
in the street.

Oh, I can move the ladder.

[Cassie]
You're bringing people into the shop.

I told you we'd get your name
out there, didn't I?

Ooh, it's all happening for you.

-For him?
-Wow. I have to pinch myself.

Hey, Brianna, can you do me a solid
and get some more pink fluoro?

Isn't Cassie covering the costs?

I supply the paint.
Cassie supplies the canvas.

And then she pays you.

The payment is getting my name out there.

He should be getting paid for this.

Cassie said people are stopping to
buy her pinch pots because of him.

Margaret, this is 2016.

It's like how the intern thing
is really catching on here now.

Kayne should probably be
paying Cassie for the opportunity.

Kayne is painting a wall. He should
be paid for painting a wall.

Yeah if he was a tradie painting it white.

He's expressing his art!
You can't put a price on art.

[shakes spray can and sprays]

[mobile phone rings]

Yeah?

I'm worried about Kayne.

You're a bit fucking late to the party.

Are you aware that he is not
being paid for painting the shop?

Did he not do it properly?

There was never a plan to pay him.

Why are you interested?
What's in it for you?

Same as there is for Kayne. Nothing.

I thought that you
as the family's financial controller

would understand that
he should be paid for his services.

Hang on.

Did you give a quote for the paint job?

Nup.

-Sign a contract?
-Nah.

-Why not?
-It's not a paint job.

It's my picture!

With my name on it,
so my name's out there!

Did you spell it right this time, Kanye?

Why did Brianna have to
tell everyone that?

Yeah, look, you can't expect
someone to pay an unknown artist.

Oh, for heaven's sake, Amber,
he's not an unknown artist.

He's painted a shop.

It's an amazing feeling to be
recognized as an artist, bro.

-Oh, it's really cool.
-One lady came in and said, "Wow!"

"What have you done to the wall?"

That is very high praise.

-We're super proud, mate.
-Can't wait to see it.

Have you left any space for our logo?

-Wayne, don't.
-I'm kidding. [mouths]

You know he's not getting paid
for this? Margaret told me.

Margaret is way too worried about money.

I told her artists aren't supposed
to be cashed up.

They're supposed to be poor
and sick and...

What was that guy who cut off his ears?

Chopper Read.
But he mainly wrote books.

I'm very glad to have brought this up.
When's the next Mensa meeting?

Oh, Mum, if you're worried, you
could pay Kayne to paint my room.

I'll never be that fucking worried.

Could everyone just stop stressing?
Kayne is having a great time.

[belches] Yes, I am!

[Wayne] We're the lucky ones.

Not only do we get to look at Kayne's art,

we get to drink out of it.

To Kayne.

To Kanye!

Stop telling people! I was excited.

What are you doing?

What? Nothing. What?

You're throwing out
your popular clothes, aren't you?

-I'm doing no such thing.
-Really?

I think Mum's yoga instructor
has that shirt.

Um, I'm just looking... for something.

Is it your book on how to be cool?

Because I'm pretty sure
that never arrived from Amazon.

Sorry, why aren't you at school?

I'm like you. I have a late start.
Can you drive me?

Well, your mum took the car
but even if she hadn't, I wouldn't,

so how's that for cool?

That was a burn, which technically
is the opposite of cool.

No, because you can get a burn
from ice and that's cold.

[door opens]

Oh! I thought you were out.

No, I'm back. I'm here.

But I will be going out again soon

because Wayne and Julie are
picking me up to go and see a wall.

Kayne's wall. So that will be good
to see them. What's that?

-What?
-That bag in your hand.

Oh, that's just some stuff
for the op shop.

Why are you throwing away
that shirt? You love that shirt.

-Which shirt?
-The Hugo Boss one.

Which one's that one?
The blue and white checked one.

Oh, yeah. I just...felt guilty

that not everyone
can afford a shirt like that

and I thought I shouldn't
wait till it's old,

I should share it when it's new.

-Oh, that's really nice.
-Yeah.

It's just my way of giving back,
you know. Just... Everybody wins.

Salvos win and so does the guy
looking for a two-dollar shirt.

Yeah, he gets it at cost price.

Which makes me think, you know,

I don't think we should buy
so much expensive stuff,

do you know what I mean?

-Hmm.
-Yeah.

Hey, why are you sitting down there
when you could be lying up here?

-It's a yoga thing.
-Mmm.

Does your instructor wear white linen?

[car horn plays "La Cucaracha"]

I can drop this bag off on the way,

be part of the giving back movement
that you've started.

Nice handbag.

Do you think we could drop these off
at the op shop on the way?

-Too easy.
-Careful! They're ex...

Doesn't matter.

You know what this is, Bess?
The humble beginnings of the artist.

[mobile phone rings]

See your handbag, babe.
Really suits her, doesn't it?

[laughs nervously]

Hi, Mum. Yeah, no, we're all still here.

Well, I'm not sure how long we'll be.
Yeah. How would you...

[Margaret] Look! Look! Look!

Look what she's done!

I've come directly
from my bridge morning

where Elena served coffee in these!

Dad, that's my painting. Sweet!

Sweet? That woman.

That woman is on a copy and paste frenzy.

How awesome is this?

You really have made the big time.

The big time?

I've got 7,000 followers on Instagram.

So what do you think?

Ooh, I love, love, love it!
You should buy it.

Julie will do no such thing.

Not until you settle the payment issue.

There's no payment issue.

You have used Kayne's image.

No, I've used my image
that's on my wall. I own it.

You cannot take someone's work and use it.

I did the work, lady.

I was the one Skyping Beijing
at two in the morning

working out the right quantities
for the mouse pads.

He should be grateful
that his name's out there...

His name is not out there.

All that's out there is a pile of
cheap cups and placemats.

Ooh! I didn't see the placemats.
We should grab some, babe.

Have you got any of those head torches?
They'd look great at work.

Wayne, Julie, enough!

Margaret! This could lead to
something for Kayne.

It's led to something. That woman
making a whole lot of money.

Oh, sorry if you're a socialist.

How dare you?
She made money out of Kayne's idea.

He created the image. He conceived
it and drew it and painted it.

He is the artist.

Good grief.

You're an artist.

And I'm showing his art.

No, I'm showing his art.

I thought I'd only ever see that
on Mum's shoulder blade.

-How can I ever thank you?
-Not like this.

You could just get those
last two canvases finished

before tomorrow night.

Platypus and a dingo, comin' at ya.

Are you sure you can be out again
in two weeks?

I've promised the space
for the Ladies Auxiliary.

You should be pleased to have
something fresh in here for a change.

I've been looking
at the same bowl of fruit

they've been painting for 15 years.

Anyone can throw on
a few splashes of color.

It's very hard to paint
a realistic bowl of bananas.

Oh, gorgeous, Kayne!

Hey, where do you want these, Marg?

I want them back in the box.

Oh, I thought it would be good

to show some of Kayne's work
from his earlier years,

plus I've also got some of
Brianna's pasta paintings

which were standouts in her class.

Where are we setting up the merch?

There is no merch!

I thought the whole point of this
was to make money.

And no children's artwork, especially
not Brianna's pasta paintings.

I'll buy the pasta paintings.

Can we keep the penne Christmas tree?

This is about Kayne being introduced
to the world as an artist, per se.

Per-cy? I didn't know he was
changing his name. That is gangster.

Kayne will be purely
expressing his art here,

not selling any cushions or mugs
or mouse pads.

You really think someone's gonna
pay money for that big painting

when you can't do anything with it?

What you do with it is to hang it
on the wall and contemplate it.

Pfft. I'd prefer a 65-inch Samsung.

We'll see what you prefer
when Kayne sells one of these.

Oh, you can't sell it for that much.

Watch me.

Get the fuck home and finish
that platypus in the lounge room.

Hey, Pop, think quick.

Shawny, I've told you, only throw
stuff at me on my good side.

My bad, Pop.

Looks like I forgot
to drop that stuff off.

Haven't you boys loaded those yet?
Margaret will be getting panicky.

Hellsville Sanctuary.

Kayne can't decide
what to name the paintings.

Margaret said it's very important to
get the right names for the works.

What if I get the wrong ones?
And what if no-one likes them?

-And what if they're not good paintings?
-OK.

You know how your mum
gets before a big race,

when she yells at us
and tells us to get out of her way?

-She cries a bit.
-And sends you out for ice-cream.

-And says she can't fit in her pants.
-And yells at you again.

OK, the point is she's nervous.
It's her big moment.

Just like this is your big moment.

Doesn't matter what the paintings
are called.

People are gonna love 'em.

No.

Yeah.

You've certainly come around
to using the fake bag.

-You're taking it everywhere.
-Eh. Fake smake.

-Not a word.
-Oscar! We're gonna be late!

Are you just wearing that?

Aren't you gonna get changed into a shirt?

No.

Well, I think the opening's
a bit more dressy than that.

I think a T-shirt's dressy enough
for Kayne's opening.

Haven't you noticed? Dad's only
wearing black T-shirts now.

-It's his new thing.
-It's not my thing.

I'm just paring back, that's all.
Where is Oscar?

Actually, yes.
Have you got a new gay client?

-Are you flirting?
-Oh, what?

Well, I know that you like to look
a little bit muscly.

I'm living simply.

I thought it was because you don't want
to look the same as everyone else.

You weren't supposed to tell Mum
that, remember?

-Oh, yeah.
-Tell me what?

Nothing.

Dad's not a snob,
except he freaked out

when all the coffee shop guys
had the same shirt as he did,

so he started only wearing black T-shirts.

Is that why you got rid of
all those shirts?

-Oh!
-I knew you were throwing them out!

He threw away all of our money, Mum,
just because he was socially embarrassed.

Ohhh!

Oh, well.

If that's how your father was feeling,
we should go.

"Oh, well"?

That's all you get?

Oh, well.

[Margaret] I am so delighted

to be presenting the work
of Kayne Wheeler,

one of our most exciting emerging artists.

In the tradition of other
great voices from the suburbs,

like Howard Arkley,

Kayne Wheeler transposed
his immediate surrounds

to formulate his unique expression.

Kayne has crisscrossed Australia attending
top fuel drag racing meets since birth.

And these rural bitumen wastelands...

It's a good fit, isn't it?

It's a bit snug around the shoulders,

but Jules says it makes me
look a bit muscly.

There were some goodies in that bag.
We all went through it.

Jules has pegged
the white shirt for Zumba.

Are you sure
you want to chuck this one out?

Oh, yeah. I'm very happy in this.
Something plainer.

[Margaret] ...but his art is fueled
by both his boundless imagination,

and a charming playfulness

which managed to conjure

a titillating vision
of the outer urban psyche.

What at first glance appears to be a
flirtatious dance with popular culture,

on further inspection transcends
into a deep commentary

on the nature of existence.

I'm sure you will all be as exhilarated
as I am by the entire collection,

but it is this, his signature work,
entitled...

Top Fueled Barbecue.

Yes. This work is the real deal.

Not some cheap facsimile on a tea towel.

It is an outstanding work of truth
and integrity and I fully anticipate

it will be snapped up
before the evening is over.

Please enjoy Kayne Wheeler!

[applause, cheering]

-What happened to Percy?
-Whoa!

All up? About two, two and a half
weeks to do all of them.

After a rigorous period

of formulating the intellectual ideas
behind the collection.

Oh, yeah. I've been doodling while
I'm on the phone for, like, ever.

These...

Smoked trout cantaloupe filo cigars
with mustard dill sauce.

...are fucking nine bucks a pop.

Kayne's had 15 of them, he's so excited.

In order to pay for these
and the champagne and the gallery,

we are gonna have to sell everything here.

Calm down. The paintings are selling.

Some of the smaller ones are
but what about his signature work?

Wasn't that the point of this,

to prove that doesn't need
to be on a beach bag

in order for someone to want it?

It doesn't need to be on a beach bag

or an eggcup or a head torch
for it to sell, which it will.

Pfft.

There are red dots going up everywhere.
Can you believe it?

Uh, no, actually, I can't.

Why did you give Wayne all my shirts?

I didn't mean to.
He forgot to drop the bag off.

Looks pretty good in them, though,
doesn't he?

-Hm?
-He's fitter than I thought.

Yes, he looks good.
It's a very nice shirt.

I think you look very sexy in this one.

-Do you?
-Yep.

More than all the other guys here
in black T-shirts?

More than all the other g...

-Oh!
-[glass shatters]

I'm so sorry! I've got tissues.

-Oh, my God.
-I'm so sorry.

We're not accustomed to crowds
at our fruit exhibitions.

We need to go home now.
I have to clean this up.

Mum, it's fine.
It isn't. I have to fix this.

-OK, peg it back. Lots of people.
-No! I've got to get this stain out.

I thought you'd be happy to have
an excuse not to use the fake bag.

Excuse me.

You bought the real bag, didn't you?
How much did that cost?

About as much as your bag of shirts.

I can't believe you were too
embarrassed to carry a cheap bag.

It's not about being cheap.
It's about being real.

I have no problem carrying a cheap
handbag but I have a huge problem

carrying a cheap handbag
that is pretending to be expensive.

Oh, God, is that me?

-Am I talking about me?
-Mm.

So instead of just saying all of that,

you went and bought
the really expensive bag?

Mm-hm.

And you threw away
all of your expensive clothing.

I want to go to boarding school.

-Can't afford it.
-No, not my bag!

Oh, it's your bag? I'm so sorry.

Yes, so you should be.
It cost me $12.

-It was a knock-off.
-I don't think so.

Go on, show 'em, Bess.

No, I don't think we need to show them
it's a knock-off from Bali... Definitely.

Actually... [laughs]
It's a funny story.

The giveaway is the F.
This tiny writing here...

What happened was that...
The F is backwards.

You see how it's facing the wrong way?
That's the tell there.

Oh, yes, I had no idea.

This is the fake?

[laughs manically]

This is a fake.

You bought a real one so you didn't
have to carry the cheap one

and now you can't tell the difference.

I'm paying for my own boarding school.

Red dot! There's a red dot!

Yes! Yoo!

[Kayne] Yes!

You sold it.

-What did I tell you?
-Who bought it?

True appreciators of art
never want their names out there.

From Kayne. A thankyou gift.

-Ohh!
-He's a very sweet boy.

I'll put this up in the top spare room.
No-one ever goes in there.

-I thought you liked his art.
-Of course I don't like it.

-You put on an exhibition of his work.
-That doesn't mean I like it.

That means I respect his right
not to be exploited.

And I wanted to show him that
it was possible to be paid for art

that doesn't appear on a cup.

And you hate that woman
from Hospitable Homes.

And I hate that woman
from Hospitable Homes.

Do you mind if we have lunch
in the city today?

-I have to return something.
-What?

Long story. Just bought something
I shouldn't have.

I know the feeling.