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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,269 --> 00:00:04,109 - NOW THE REASON WE'RE HERE 2 00:00:04,138 --> 00:00:07,578 IS TO LOVE EACH OTHER 3 00:00:07,608 --> 00:00:10,478 TAKE CARE OF EACH OTHER 4 00:00:10,511 --> 00:00:14,451 WHEN LOVE WALKS IN THE ROOM 5 00:00:14,482 --> 00:00:17,292 EVERYBODY, STAND UP 6 00:00:17,318 --> 00:00:20,688 OH, IT'S GOOD, GOOD, GOOD 7 00:00:20,721 --> 00:00:22,461 TO SAY, "I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU 8 00:00:22,490 --> 00:00:24,460 I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU" 9 00:00:24,492 --> 00:00:29,362 10 00:00:36,737 --> 00:00:38,367 - HEY! - WHOA. 11 00:00:38,406 --> 00:00:41,176 - IT'S A SIDEWALK. WALK. 12 00:00:41,209 --> 00:00:43,239 THERE'S THREE GOOD REASONS TO RUN, MAN-- 13 00:00:43,277 --> 00:00:45,347 COPS, LIONS, AND--AND-- 14 00:00:45,379 --> 00:00:49,119 - ANGRY HOOKERS WHO WON'T ACCEPT CHECKS. 15 00:00:49,150 --> 00:00:50,580 - YOU AND I ARE VERY DIFFERENT. 16 00:00:50,618 --> 00:00:51,818 - HEY, HOLD UP, I GOT TO POP IN HERE 17 00:00:51,852 --> 00:00:53,152 FOR A PURCHASE REAL QUICK. 18 00:00:53,187 --> 00:00:55,087 - YOU GOT ONE OF THESE CARDS? 19 00:00:55,123 --> 00:00:56,763 - [scoffs] YEAH, OF COURSE. 20 00:00:56,790 --> 00:00:58,730 MY COUSIN PETE'S A GYNECOLOGIST. 21 00:00:58,759 --> 00:01:00,789 - AND YOU SUFFER FROM WHAT, CRAMPS? 22 00:01:00,828 --> 00:01:03,728 - YEP. AND ANXIETY... 23 00:01:03,764 --> 00:01:05,404 AND BREAST TENDERNESS. 24 00:01:05,433 --> 00:01:07,603 - YEAH, I-I WOULD STOP SEEING THAT GYNECOLOGIST. 25 00:01:07,635 --> 00:01:09,495 - [chuckles] 26 00:01:09,537 --> 00:01:11,307 - HEY, NO CARD, NO ENTRY. 27 00:01:11,339 --> 00:01:13,709 - I'M JUST GONNA LOOK. - NO CARD, NO LOOK. 28 00:01:13,741 --> 00:01:14,881 - HEY, WHAT'S UP, MAN? 29 00:01:14,908 --> 00:01:16,708 - HOW YOU DOING, BRO? 30 00:01:16,744 --> 00:01:19,584 - YOU SEE THE TATTOOS ON THAT OLD GUY? 31 00:01:19,613 --> 00:01:20,783 PRETTY SWEET. 32 00:01:23,317 --> 00:01:25,787 - DON'T LOOK AT ME. YOU'RE THE OLD GUY. 33 00:01:33,327 --> 00:01:35,557 - OH, MAN, I HAVEN'T BEEN THIS PLEASED WITH A PURCHASE 34 00:01:35,596 --> 00:01:37,296 SINCE I BOUGHT THAT BOTTLE OF DRAKKAR NOIR 35 00:01:37,331 --> 00:01:39,831 AT THE DUTY-FREE. - "THAT OLD GUY." 36 00:01:39,867 --> 00:01:41,767 I MEAN, THOSE GUYS WEREN'T TEENAGERS. 37 00:01:41,802 --> 00:01:43,772 THEY WERE, LIKE, LATE 20s. 38 00:01:43,804 --> 00:01:45,844 - YOU WANT TO KNOW THE SECRET? - NO. 39 00:01:45,873 --> 00:01:47,483 - MOISTURIZER. 40 00:01:47,508 --> 00:01:49,138 I MOISTURIZE LIKE IT'S MY JOB. 41 00:01:49,177 --> 00:01:50,737 YOU GOT TO TAKE CARE OF YOUR SKIN, DUDE. 42 00:01:50,778 --> 00:01:51,808 IT'S YOUR BIGGEST ORGAN. 43 00:01:51,845 --> 00:01:53,805 - I TAKE CARE OF MY ORGAN. COLLEEN GOT ME A LOOFAH. 44 00:01:53,847 --> 00:01:55,317 - LOOFAH? WHAT-- 45 00:01:55,349 --> 00:01:57,319 DUDE, YOU'RE A COMPLETE TRAIN WRECK. 46 00:01:57,351 --> 00:01:59,351 YOU'VE GOT TO MOISTURIZE, JUDD. 47 00:01:59,387 --> 00:02:00,817 THOSE GUYS BACK AT THE POT SHOP, 48 00:02:00,854 --> 00:02:02,664 I GUARANTEE YOU THEY MOISTURIZE. 49 00:02:02,690 --> 00:02:04,190 MCCONAUGHEY-- PERFECT EXAMPLE. 50 00:02:04,225 --> 00:02:06,825 - MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY? - YEAH, MAN'S 59 YEARS OLD. 51 00:02:06,860 --> 00:02:08,230 HE DOESN'T LOOK A DAY OVER 30. 52 00:02:08,262 --> 00:02:10,562 - MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY IS NOT 59 YEARS OLD. 53 00:02:10,598 --> 00:02:12,868 - REGARDLESS, HE HAS A YOUTHFUL GLOW ABOUT HIM. 54 00:02:12,900 --> 00:02:14,740 AND HE'S ALWAYS GONNA HAVE IT, 55 00:02:14,768 --> 00:02:16,798 'CAUSE MATT MCCONAUGHEY MOISTURIZES. 56 00:02:16,837 --> 00:02:19,537 AND HE USES A WEIRD ELECTRIC COMB TO KEEP HIS HAIR. 57 00:02:19,573 --> 00:02:21,543 - YOU KNOW WHAT I FOUND THE OTHER DAY? 58 00:02:21,575 --> 00:02:22,875 A GRAY HAIR. - SO WHAT? 59 00:02:22,910 --> 00:02:24,880 COLOR IT. YOUR HAIR'S YOUR SECOND BIGGEST ORGAN. 60 00:02:24,912 --> 00:02:26,312 - NO, NO. I FOUND A GRAY HAIR DOWN THERE. 61 00:02:26,347 --> 00:02:27,377 - WELL, THAT'S NO BIG DEAL. 62 00:02:27,415 --> 00:02:28,845 IT'LL JUST MAKE YOUR JUNK LOOK MORE DISTINGUISHED. 63 00:02:28,882 --> 00:02:29,952 - OH, AWESOME. 64 00:02:29,983 --> 00:02:33,723 SO MY PENIS LOOKS LIKE A TENURED COLLEGE PROFESSOR. 65 00:02:33,754 --> 00:02:35,864 - YOU KNOW, I'M COMPLETELY CLEAR-CUT DOWN THERE. 66 00:02:35,889 --> 00:02:37,659 DID YOU KNOW THAT? - HOW WOULD I KNOW THAT? 67 00:02:37,691 --> 00:02:39,591 - YEP, KEEPS MY JUNK LOOKING ETERNALLY YOUTHFUL. 68 00:02:39,627 --> 00:02:41,257 CHICKS LOVE IT-- FROM THE WAIST DOWN, 69 00:02:41,295 --> 00:02:43,325 I'M A 14-YEAR-OLD BOY, EXCEPT FOR MY JUNK. 70 00:02:43,364 --> 00:02:44,704 - THAT'S GREAT. YOU KNOW WHAT? 71 00:02:44,732 --> 00:02:46,502 I DON'T KNOW WHY, BUT THIS ISN'T HELPING ME. 72 00:02:46,534 --> 00:02:49,774 - BET I KNOW WHAT WILL. THE DOCTOR IS IN! 73 00:02:49,803 --> 00:02:50,873 - [chuckles] 74 00:02:50,904 --> 00:02:53,914 - [panting] 75 00:02:56,777 --> 00:02:58,877 HEY, HOW'S IT GOING? 76 00:02:58,912 --> 00:03:00,412 GREAT. IT'S GREAT. 77 00:03:00,448 --> 00:03:03,518 [panting] 78 00:03:10,491 --> 00:03:11,961 OH, CRAP. 79 00:03:11,992 --> 00:03:15,932 [rock music playing] 80 00:03:15,963 --> 00:03:18,933 - HEY, HONEY. HEY. 81 00:03:18,966 --> 00:03:20,896 GREAT NEWS. 82 00:03:20,934 --> 00:03:22,844 UH, DAN HAS, UH, 83 00:03:22,870 --> 00:03:24,740 ONE OF THOSE, UH, MEDICINAL MARIJUANA CARDS. 84 00:03:24,772 --> 00:03:26,942 - BOOM. - YOU GUYS ARE HIGH? 85 00:03:26,974 --> 00:03:28,884 IT'S 10:30. - WE DON'T HAVE A CHOICE. 86 00:03:28,909 --> 00:03:31,549 LOOK WHAT THEY HAVE ON TV-- THE SPACE WALK. 87 00:03:31,579 --> 00:03:33,549 NASA WOULD NEVER BROADCAST STUFF LIKE THAT IN THE MORNING 88 00:03:33,581 --> 00:03:35,321 IF THEY DIDN'T WANT US TO WAKE AND BAKE. 89 00:03:35,349 --> 00:03:36,979 - CHECK IT, JUDD'S WIFE, THERE'S SOMETHING FOR EVERYONE. 90 00:03:37,017 --> 00:03:41,587 WE GOT S'MORES, SODA POT, CARAMEL POT CORN. 91 00:03:41,622 --> 00:03:43,922 - YEAH, WHEN DID POT BECOME ALL WONKA-FIED? 92 00:03:43,957 --> 00:03:45,787 I MEAN, WHAT HAPPENED TO BUYING IT 93 00:03:45,826 --> 00:03:47,656 FROM THAT SKETCHY KID WHO LIVED OFF CAMPUS 94 00:03:47,695 --> 00:03:48,855 AND LOOKED LIKE JOEY RAMONE? 95 00:03:48,896 --> 00:03:50,596 - OH, HE DROPPED OUT AND OPENED A POT STORE. 96 00:03:50,631 --> 00:03:53,471 - POT POT PIE? - NO, THANKS, JUDD'S FRIEND. 97 00:03:53,501 --> 00:03:54,741 [scoffs] I'LL PASS. 98 00:03:54,768 --> 00:03:57,438 - OH, WELL, SUIT YOURSELF. 99 00:03:57,471 --> 00:03:58,811 THAT'S MORE... 100 00:03:58,839 --> 00:04:02,309 MORE FOR US. OHH. 101 00:04:02,343 --> 00:04:03,513 OH, SMELL THAT. - OH, MY GOD. 102 00:04:03,544 --> 00:04:06,054 - SMELL THAT. 103 00:04:06,079 --> 00:04:12,019 [chatter on TV] 104 00:04:12,052 --> 00:04:13,822 - DUDE, YOU GOT TO GO. 105 00:04:13,854 --> 00:04:15,864 - WHAT? 106 00:04:15,889 --> 00:04:17,859 BUT, UH... THE-- 107 00:04:17,891 --> 00:04:20,331 WHAT--THE PIZZA? 108 00:04:20,361 --> 00:04:22,501 - I'M ABOUT TO HAVE DAYTIME SEX WITH MY WIFE, 109 00:04:22,530 --> 00:04:23,800 'CAUSE THAT'S WHAT YOUNG GUYS DO. 110 00:04:23,831 --> 00:04:25,501 THEY HAVE SEX DURING THE DAY. 111 00:04:25,533 --> 00:04:28,503 - NOT WITH THEIR WIVES. 112 00:04:28,536 --> 00:04:29,866 - BYE, DAN. 113 00:04:31,839 --> 00:04:33,869 - I'M SO ALONE. 114 00:04:36,577 --> 00:04:38,947 - UH... CAN I HELP YOU? 115 00:04:38,979 --> 00:04:41,819 - SO I KICKED DAN OUT. - STILL HERE, DUDE. 116 00:04:41,849 --> 00:04:45,389 - GET OUT! SO I KICKED DAN OUT. 117 00:04:45,419 --> 00:04:47,459 - [chuckles] 118 00:04:50,424 --> 00:04:53,494 ARE YOU, UM, HAVING TROUBLE WITH YOUR BELT THERE, CHIEF? 119 00:04:53,527 --> 00:04:54,857 - THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH MY PANTS. 120 00:04:54,895 --> 00:04:56,895 - IS SOMEBODY A LITTLE HIGH? 121 00:04:56,930 --> 00:04:58,900 - YEAH, ME. I AM A LITTLE HIGH. 122 00:04:58,932 --> 00:05:00,672 - YOU CAN STOP FIGHTING WITH YOUR PANTS. 123 00:05:00,701 --> 00:05:01,941 WE'RE NOT HAVING SEX. 124 00:05:01,969 --> 00:05:04,669 - OH-HO. ARE YOU SURE? 125 00:05:04,705 --> 00:05:05,935 - UH, UGH. UCK, YEAH. 126 00:05:05,973 --> 00:05:08,783 WOW, IS THAT HOW YOU SEDUCE PEOPLE-- 127 00:05:08,809 --> 00:05:10,479 BY STICKING YOUR FINGERS IN THEIR MOUTH? 128 00:05:10,511 --> 00:05:12,381 - NO. 129 00:05:12,413 --> 00:05:15,983 I SEDUCE PEOPLE BY STICKING FINGERS IN THEIR MOUTH 130 00:05:16,016 --> 00:05:17,786 AND DANCING LIKE THIS. 131 00:05:17,818 --> 00:05:21,088 - AW, YOU LOOK LIKE THAT LITTLE GOPHER AT THE END OF CADDYSHACK. 132 00:05:21,121 --> 00:05:23,891 YEAH, NOBODY HAD SEX WITH THAT GOPHER, JUDD. 133 00:05:23,924 --> 00:05:27,404 - HEY, COLLEEN, DAN LEFT US SOME TREATS. 134 00:05:27,428 --> 00:05:30,028 - I, UH--I GOT STUFF I GOT TO DO TODAY, OKAY? 135 00:05:30,063 --> 00:05:31,773 - HEY, REMEMBER WHEN WE USED TO SMOKE ALL THE TIME? 136 00:05:31,799 --> 00:05:34,869 REMEMBER SUNDAY... both: FUN DAY. 137 00:05:34,902 --> 00:05:37,072 - RIGHT! THAT WAS FUN, RIGHT? 138 00:05:37,104 --> 00:05:38,914 - YEAH. - FUN DAY! 139 00:05:38,939 --> 00:05:40,869 AND APTLY NAMED. 140 00:05:40,908 --> 00:05:42,938 - YEAH, YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE IS FUN? 141 00:05:42,976 --> 00:05:45,506 GOING TO THE LOCAL FARMERS' MARKET 142 00:05:45,546 --> 00:05:48,076 AND SAMPLING PEACHES 143 00:05:48,115 --> 00:05:51,885 TO GET THE TASTE OF MY HUSBAND'S FINGERS 144 00:05:51,919 --> 00:05:53,649 OUT OF MY MOUTH. - BOO! 145 00:05:53,687 --> 00:05:55,457 COME ON, OLD COLLEEN WOULD'VE DONE IT. 146 00:05:55,489 --> 00:05:58,129 - YEAH, WELL, OLD COLLEEN DIDN'T HAVE A JOB. 147 00:05:58,158 --> 00:05:59,888 - UGH! 148 00:05:59,927 --> 00:06:02,497 PEACHES AND JOBS-- LISTEN TO YOURSELF. 149 00:06:02,530 --> 00:06:03,700 OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT? 150 00:06:03,731 --> 00:06:05,971 I DIDN'T WANT TO HAVE TO DO THIS, 151 00:06:05,999 --> 00:06:10,669 BUT I AM GONNA REDEEM BIRTHDAY COUPONS 152 00:06:10,704 --> 00:06:12,474 FOR "ANYTHING JUDD WANTS." 153 00:06:12,506 --> 00:06:15,706 - YOU REALIZE THAT THOSE WERE SUPPOSED TO BE 154 00:06:15,743 --> 00:06:17,483 FOR STEAK AND A BIRTHDAY BEEJ. 155 00:06:17,511 --> 00:06:20,711 - OKAY. UH, WELL, I'M ACTUALLY 156 00:06:20,748 --> 00:06:23,118 GONNA REDEEM THIS ONE FOR YOU GETTING HIGH, 157 00:06:23,150 --> 00:06:25,150 AND THIS ONE I'M GONNA REDEEM 158 00:06:25,185 --> 00:06:27,955 FOR YOU HELPING ME WITH MY PANTS, 159 00:06:27,988 --> 00:06:30,718 AND THEN WE'LL SEE WHERE IT GOES FROM THERE. 160 00:06:30,758 --> 00:06:33,588 COME ON. 161 00:06:33,627 --> 00:06:37,597 - DID DAN LEAVE MAYBE A POT BREAKFAST BURRITO? 162 00:06:37,631 --> 00:06:38,831 'CAUSE I'M KIND OF STARVING. 163 00:06:38,866 --> 00:06:40,626 - I ALREADY ATE IT. 164 00:06:40,668 --> 00:06:42,668 - DUDE. - LATER. 165 00:06:42,703 --> 00:06:45,673 [exotic music] 166 00:06:45,706 --> 00:06:48,776 167 00:06:48,809 --> 00:06:50,909 - I TOTALLY GET IT NOW. 168 00:06:50,944 --> 00:06:53,884 - TOLD YOU. - AH. WOW. 169 00:06:53,914 --> 00:06:56,054 - IT'S MUCH BETTER, THOUGH, WHEN YOU'RE DOING THE DANCE. 170 00:06:56,083 --> 00:06:59,893 - MM, NEVER. [telephone ringing] 171 00:06:59,920 --> 00:07:01,790 - I'LL GET IT. - GET WHAT? 172 00:07:01,822 --> 00:07:02,862 - THE PHONE. 173 00:07:02,890 --> 00:07:05,660 - OH, YOU MEAN OUR PHONE'S RINGING? 174 00:07:05,693 --> 00:07:10,533 BECAUSE I HEAR WHALE SOUNDS, AND THEY NEED OUR HELP. 175 00:07:10,564 --> 00:07:12,734 - HI, MOM. - HI, JUDD. 176 00:07:12,766 --> 00:07:14,966 - MOM, ARE YOU IN THE CAR? I CAN'T HEAR YOU. 177 00:07:15,002 --> 00:07:16,602 - YEAH. BUT DON'T WORRY. 178 00:07:16,637 --> 00:07:17,907 I GOT ONE OF THOSE NEW BLUETOOTHS. 179 00:07:17,938 --> 00:07:20,638 ACTUALLY, MINE IS PINK. BUT I'M HANDS-FREE. 180 00:07:20,674 --> 00:07:22,644 WE JUST LEFT, 181 00:07:22,676 --> 00:07:24,906 AND WE'LL PICK YOU UP IN ABOUT 15 MINUTES, OKAY? 182 00:07:24,945 --> 00:07:27,005 - OKAY. WHY'S MY MOM PICKING US UP? 183 00:07:27,047 --> 00:07:28,877 - [whispering] I DON'T KNOW. 184 00:07:28,916 --> 00:07:31,586 SHE'S OLD AND CRAZY. 185 00:07:31,619 --> 00:07:33,019 [giggles] 186 00:07:33,053 --> 00:07:34,723 I FEEL SORRY FOR HER. [normal voice] 187 00:07:34,755 --> 00:07:36,855 - JUDD, YOU'RE NOT RUNNING LATE, ARE YOU? 188 00:07:36,890 --> 00:07:38,830 YOU CAN'T BE. IT'S IMPORTANT. 189 00:07:38,859 --> 00:07:40,029 YOU'RE THE GODFATHER. 190 00:07:40,060 --> 00:07:41,900 - WE FORGOT ABOUT THE CHRISTENING! 191 00:07:41,929 --> 00:07:43,929 - OH, CRAP! THAT'S TODAY! 192 00:07:43,964 --> 00:07:46,134 - YES! - WHAT IS GOING ON OVER THERE? 193 00:07:46,166 --> 00:07:48,766 IT'S COLLEEN, ISN'T IT? YEAH. 194 00:07:48,802 --> 00:07:50,872 SHE'S UPSET BECAUSE SHE'S NOT THE GODMOTHER, RIGHT? 195 00:07:50,904 --> 00:07:54,214 YOU HAVE TO TELL HER IT'S NOTHING PERSONAL. 196 00:07:54,241 --> 00:07:56,641 SHE'S JUST NOT REAL FAMILY. 197 00:07:56,677 --> 00:07:57,777 - OKAY, MOM, I'LL TELL HER. I LOVE YOU. BYE. 198 00:07:57,811 --> 00:07:59,951 OH, MY GOD, 15 MINUTES! SHE'LL BE HERE IN 15 MINUTES! 199 00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:01,620 - WE GOT TO GO GET DRESSED. COME ON! 200 00:08:01,649 --> 00:08:02,979 COME ON! - WE GOT TO GET DRESSED. 201 00:08:03,016 --> 00:08:04,746 MY MOM IS GONNA BE SO DISAPPOINTED. 202 00:08:04,785 --> 00:08:05,885 SHE'S GONNA KNOW I'M HIGH. 203 00:08:05,919 --> 00:08:06,989 I'M NOT GONNA BE HER SPECIAL BOY. 204 00:08:07,020 --> 00:08:09,890 I NEED TO BE HER SPECIAL BOY. SPECIAL...BOY. WHOA! 205 00:08:09,923 --> 00:08:11,593 WHAT IS THAT? I'VE NEVER SEEN YOU WEAR A HAT. 206 00:08:11,625 --> 00:08:12,855 WHERE'D YOU GET THAT THING? - WELL, I LIKE BUYING HATS, 207 00:08:12,893 --> 00:08:14,963 BUT I DON'T LIKE WEARING HATS. - OH, YOU'RE FREAKING ME OUT. 208 00:08:14,995 --> 00:08:16,025 - OKAY, PANTYHOSE. YOU KNOW WHAT? 209 00:08:16,063 --> 00:08:17,973 THEY DON'T LET YOU INTO CHURCH WITHOUT PANTYHOSE. 210 00:08:17,998 --> 00:08:19,928 GOD HATES BARE LEGS. 211 00:08:19,967 --> 00:08:21,667 OH, GOD, I HAVEN'T SHAVED! 212 00:08:21,702 --> 00:08:23,802 OH, HAIRY AND BARE--THAT IS A FIRST-CLASS TICKET TO HELL. 213 00:08:23,837 --> 00:08:25,637 - HUH? - A SHIRT WITH WORDS? 214 00:08:25,673 --> 00:08:27,113 ARE YOU KIDDING ME? - DID YOU READ IT? 215 00:08:27,140 --> 00:08:28,380 - LIVE IN THE WORLD, JUDD! 216 00:08:28,408 --> 00:08:30,808 - WE NEED TO STOP SLAPPING EACH OTHER--WE GOT TO GET DRESSED. 217 00:08:30,844 --> 00:08:32,784 OH! - YOU'RE RIGHT. SORRY. 218 00:08:32,813 --> 00:08:34,013 ALL RIGHT. 219 00:08:34,047 --> 00:08:36,747 [On the Wings of Love playing] - I LOVE THIS SONG. 220 00:08:36,784 --> 00:08:38,324 - OH, YEAH, ME TOO. 221 00:08:38,351 --> 00:08:40,951 - AND LET THE DAY BEGIN 222 00:08:40,988 --> 00:08:43,818 YOU ARE THE SUNSHINE - [giggles] 223 00:08:43,857 --> 00:08:46,187 - JUST STOP IT. BE COOL. 224 00:08:46,226 --> 00:08:47,956 - SHH. SHH. - SHH. 225 00:08:47,995 --> 00:08:50,195 YOU SHH. - YOU SHH. 226 00:08:50,230 --> 00:08:51,870 - SHH, SHH. - SHH, SHH. 227 00:08:51,899 --> 00:08:53,269 - IS EVERYTHING OKAY BACK THERE? 228 00:08:53,300 --> 00:08:55,940 - [giggles] - YES, WE'RE COOL, MOM. 229 00:08:55,969 --> 00:08:57,869 - YEAH, JUST, UH... 230 00:08:57,905 --> 00:09:00,735 JUST ENJOYING THE RIDE... 231 00:09:00,774 --> 00:09:03,614 IN THE CAR... 232 00:09:03,644 --> 00:09:04,884 UH... 233 00:09:04,912 --> 00:09:08,682 PAST ALL THE--THE HOUSES. 234 00:09:08,716 --> 00:09:10,046 ALL THE... 235 00:09:10,083 --> 00:09:11,753 FORECLOSED HOUSES. 236 00:09:11,785 --> 00:09:14,015 WE LIVE IN SAD TIMES. 237 00:09:14,054 --> 00:09:16,994 - IS ON THE WINGS OF LOVE 238 00:09:17,024 --> 00:09:19,894 ON THE WINGS OF LOVE 239 00:09:19,927 --> 00:09:25,827 ONLY THE TWO OF US TOGETHER FLYING HIGH 240 00:09:25,866 --> 00:09:27,896 - "ME TOO." 241 00:09:27,935 --> 00:09:29,795 "UR AUNT..." - FLYING HIGH UPON 242 00:09:29,837 --> 00:09:33,237 - "SMELLS FUNNY." - THE WINGS OF LOVE 243 00:09:33,273 --> 00:09:37,853 - "YOU ARE TALKING AS YOU TEXT." 244 00:09:37,878 --> 00:09:40,048 - NO, NO, YOU ARE. - NO, YOU ARE. 245 00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:41,650 - NO, YOU ARE. - I JUST HEARD YOU DO IT. 246 00:09:41,682 --> 00:09:42,922 - NO, I JUST HEARD YOU DO IT. - YOU DID IT. 247 00:09:42,950 --> 00:09:44,890 - JUDD, HOW DID YOUR SPEECH TURN OUT? 248 00:09:44,918 --> 00:09:47,348 - MY SPEECH? 249 00:09:47,387 --> 00:09:48,887 - YEAH, YOU'RE THE GODFATHER, HONEY. 250 00:09:48,922 --> 00:09:50,222 YOU HAVE TO SAY SOMETHING. 251 00:09:50,257 --> 00:09:51,757 - RIGHT. 252 00:09:51,792 --> 00:09:52,892 RIGHT. 253 00:09:52,926 --> 00:09:54,256 UH, YEAH, I HAVE A LOT TO SAY. 254 00:09:54,294 --> 00:09:56,334 YOU KNOW, IT'S A VERY IMPORTANT DAY, MOM. 255 00:09:56,363 --> 00:09:58,903 - YES, IT IS. 256 00:09:58,932 --> 00:10:02,672 - ON THE WINGS OF LOVE 257 00:10:02,703 --> 00:10:05,813 - OKAY, OKAY. - I CAN'T DO THIS. 258 00:10:05,839 --> 00:10:07,909 WHAT, ARE WE MAKING MATZO IN HERE? 259 00:10:07,941 --> 00:10:08,841 MOM... 260 00:10:08,876 --> 00:10:11,076 AT THE NEXT STOPLIGHT, GET READY TO JUMP. 261 00:10:15,248 --> 00:10:17,118 [bell ringing] 262 00:10:17,150 --> 00:10:19,420 - I GOT TO GIVE A SPEECH. WHAT KIND OF A CULT IS THIS? 263 00:10:19,452 --> 00:10:21,092 - WELL, YOU'RE THE GODFATHER. WHAT DID YOU EXPECT? 264 00:10:21,121 --> 00:10:22,761 - I DON'T KNOW, I DON'T KNOW-- YOU DUNK THEM IN WATER, 265 00:10:22,790 --> 00:10:23,990 AND YOU SEND THEM $5 IN A CARD ONCE A YEAR. 266 00:10:24,024 --> 00:10:25,134 I'M NOT A HERO, COLLEEN. 267 00:10:25,158 --> 00:10:26,928 - LOOK, LOOK, IF THAT WOMAN LOOKS AT ME ONE MORE TIME, 268 00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:28,930 I'M GONNA POP HER IN THE NOSE. - COLLEEN, SHE'S 88-- 269 00:10:28,962 --> 00:10:31,002 - NO, I AM SERIOUS, ALL RIGHT? IF IT KILLS HER, IT KILLS HER. 270 00:10:31,031 --> 00:10:32,771 I HAVE LIVED A VERY GOOD LIFE. 271 00:10:32,800 --> 00:10:34,070 - OH, MY GOD, HOW COULD YOU LET US GET HIGH 272 00:10:34,101 --> 00:10:35,671 RIGHT BEFORE MY GODSON'S CHRISTENING? 273 00:10:35,703 --> 00:10:37,773 - WHAT? WHAT? YOU'RE THE ONE THAT WENT ON 274 00:10:37,805 --> 00:10:39,265 ABOUT SUNDAY FUN DAY AND BEING COOL. 275 00:10:39,306 --> 00:10:40,136 - ME? 276 00:10:40,173 --> 00:10:41,783 - YOU CASHED IN YOUR COUPONS FOR THIS. 277 00:10:41,809 --> 00:10:42,939 - YOU ARE THE MORAL COMPASS. YOU'RE THE-- 278 00:10:42,976 --> 00:10:44,236 YOU'RE THE WOMAN. YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO-- 279 00:10:44,277 --> 00:10:46,047 HELP ME, WOMAN. PLEASE, GIVE ME SOMETHING TO SAY. 280 00:10:46,079 --> 00:10:47,749 ALL I'VE GOT IN MY HEAD IS ON THE WINGS OF LOVE. 281 00:10:47,781 --> 00:10:49,381 - [laughs] - JUDD. 282 00:10:49,416 --> 00:10:51,016 - WHAT? BRENT. 283 00:10:51,051 --> 00:10:52,821 - HEY. - HEY. 284 00:10:52,853 --> 00:10:54,653 - HI. AHEM. 285 00:10:57,424 --> 00:10:58,994 - HE LOOKS GREAT. 286 00:10:59,026 --> 00:11:01,026 - ONE OF HIS BALLS HASN'T DROPPED. 287 00:11:01,061 --> 00:11:02,831 KELLY SAID NOT TO FLIP OUT, 288 00:11:02,863 --> 00:11:04,733 BUT I'M FINDING HIM HARDER TO LOVE. 289 00:11:04,765 --> 00:11:06,165 - OH, MY GOD. 290 00:11:06,199 --> 00:11:10,299 - JUST KIDDING. I STILL LOVE THE LITTLE FREAK. 291 00:11:10,337 --> 00:11:12,067 I'M HEADING IN. - OKAY. 292 00:11:12,105 --> 00:11:14,135 - THANKS FOR DOING THIS, PAL. - OH, YEAH, MY PLEASURE. 293 00:11:14,174 --> 00:11:15,944 I'LL SEE YOU INSIDE, MAN, AND, UH... 294 00:11:15,976 --> 00:11:18,376 - IT'S ELI. IT'S ELI. - ELI, IT'S ELI. 295 00:11:18,411 --> 00:11:22,351 - WOULD THE PARENTS AND GODPARENTS 296 00:11:22,382 --> 00:11:26,022 OF ELIJAH ROUSCHER PLEASE COME FORWARD? 297 00:11:26,053 --> 00:11:28,293 - IT'S JUST ONE GODPARENT, REVEREND. 298 00:11:28,321 --> 00:11:30,821 IT'S JUST MY SON, NOT HIS WIFE. 299 00:11:30,858 --> 00:11:32,788 - WHAT AM I GONNA SAY? - SHH. JUST GO. 300 00:11:32,826 --> 00:11:35,696 GO, GO. 301 00:11:39,399 --> 00:11:41,899 - THANK YOU, GAIL. 302 00:11:41,935 --> 00:11:43,935 I SEE YOU'RE NOT WEARING ANY PANTYHOSE. 303 00:11:43,971 --> 00:11:45,911 IT'S NOT VERY JESUS-Y OF YOU. 304 00:11:45,939 --> 00:11:47,469 - WHAT WE'RE CELEBRATING TODAY 305 00:11:47,507 --> 00:11:51,207 IS THE BEGINNING OF ELI'S SPIRITUAL LIFE. 306 00:11:51,244 --> 00:11:54,254 THE ROLE OF THE GODPARENT IS AN IMPORTANT ONE. 307 00:11:54,281 --> 00:11:55,981 JUDD... 308 00:11:56,016 --> 00:11:58,216 YOUR BROTHER AND SISTER-IN-LAW HAVE CHOSEN YOU 309 00:11:58,251 --> 00:12:00,121 BECAUSE YOU ARE A PERSON THEY ADMIRE. 310 00:12:00,153 --> 00:12:03,863 AND THEY HOPE THAT ELI WILL LOOK TO YOU AS AN EXAMPLE 311 00:12:03,891 --> 00:12:07,461 OF WHAT IT MEANS TO BE A MAN IN THIS WORLD... 312 00:12:07,494 --> 00:12:09,904 AND THAT YOU WILL LOOK AFTER 313 00:12:09,930 --> 00:12:11,330 ELI'S SPIRITUAL WELL-BEING. 314 00:12:11,364 --> 00:12:14,534 THEY THINK OF YOU AS A ROLE MODEL AND A MENTOR. 315 00:12:14,567 --> 00:12:15,967 IT'S AN HONOR. - YEAH. 316 00:12:16,003 --> 00:12:17,543 - BUT IT'S ALSO A GREAT RESPONSIBILITY. 317 00:12:17,570 --> 00:12:19,070 DO YOU ACCEPT THAT? 318 00:12:22,542 --> 00:12:24,912 - UH... 319 00:12:24,945 --> 00:12:26,405 I DO. 320 00:12:26,446 --> 00:12:29,416 - MOM, IF YOU'LL STEP IN HERE... 321 00:12:29,449 --> 00:12:32,419 [soft guitar music plays] 322 00:12:32,452 --> 00:12:34,052 323 00:12:34,087 --> 00:12:36,917 IN THE NAME OF THE FATHER AND OF THE SON 324 00:12:36,957 --> 00:12:38,957 AND OF THE HOLY SPIRIT. 325 00:12:38,992 --> 00:12:44,972 326 00:12:44,998 --> 00:12:46,168 JUDD... 327 00:12:46,199 --> 00:12:47,899 WOULD YOU LIKE TO SAY A FEW WORDS? 328 00:12:50,403 --> 00:12:52,243 - YES... 329 00:12:52,272 --> 00:12:54,072 I WOULD. 330 00:12:54,107 --> 00:12:56,807 [Eli crying] 331 00:12:56,844 --> 00:12:58,354 - [whispering] WOULD THE PARENTS 332 00:12:58,378 --> 00:12:59,878 PLEASE PASS THE BABY TO THE GODFATHER? 333 00:12:59,913 --> 00:13:01,483 - WHAT? OH, NO, NO, NO, I DON'T HAVE-- 334 00:13:01,514 --> 00:13:03,124 - TAKE THE BABY. - I DON'T WANT TO. 335 00:13:03,150 --> 00:13:05,150 - TAKE THE BABY. - OKAY. 336 00:13:08,889 --> 00:13:10,989 - UM, UH, THIS... 337 00:13:11,024 --> 00:13:13,894 WOW. THIS IS, UH... 338 00:13:13,927 --> 00:13:16,997 HMM. 339 00:13:17,030 --> 00:13:19,000 I'VE NEVER BEEN A GODFATHER. 340 00:13:19,032 --> 00:13:21,272 AND I GOT A LOT-- 341 00:13:21,301 --> 00:13:24,601 I GOT A LOT GOING ON UP HERE. 342 00:13:24,637 --> 00:13:28,307 THIS IS SO SPECIAL, AND THERE'S A LOT I WANT TO SAY. 343 00:13:31,611 --> 00:13:35,051 [chuckles] 344 00:13:35,082 --> 00:13:38,952 [softly] YOU ARE THE SUNSHINE 345 00:13:38,986 --> 00:13:41,916 THAT LIGHTS MY HEART WITHIN 346 00:13:41,955 --> 00:13:46,985 AND I KNOW THAT YOU'RE AN ANGEL IN DISGUISE 347 00:13:47,027 --> 00:13:49,527 COME TAKE MY HAND 348 00:13:49,562 --> 00:13:54,902 AND TOGETHER WE WILL RIDE 349 00:13:59,206 --> 00:14:02,906 - ON THE WINGS OF both: LOVE 350 00:14:02,943 --> 00:14:05,283 UP AND ABOVE THE CLOUDS 351 00:14:05,312 --> 00:14:09,052 THE ONLY WAY TO FLY 352 00:14:09,082 --> 00:14:12,952 IS ON THE WINGS OF LOVE 353 00:14:12,986 --> 00:14:16,886 all three: ON THE WINGS OF LOVE 354 00:14:16,924 --> 00:14:18,994 all: ONLY THE TWO OF US 355 00:14:19,026 --> 00:14:24,296 TOGETHER FLYING HIGH 356 00:14:24,331 --> 00:14:27,031 FLYING HIGH 357 00:14:27,067 --> 00:14:30,997 UPON THE WINGS OF LOVE 358 00:14:31,038 --> 00:14:34,338 ON THE WINGS OF LOVE... 359 00:14:34,374 --> 00:14:36,984 - I TOTALLY SAVED YOUR ASS IN THERE. 360 00:14:37,010 --> 00:14:39,110 I'M SO CALLING THIS IN ONE DAY. 361 00:14:39,146 --> 00:14:40,446 - OH, YOU GOT IT, BABY, ANY DAY. 362 00:14:40,480 --> 00:14:42,980 - [chuckles] WHAT? 363 00:14:43,016 --> 00:14:44,446 - I'M JUST THINKING EVERYBODY MAKES SUCH A BIG DEAL 364 00:14:44,484 --> 00:14:45,254 ABOUT STAYING YOUNG. 365 00:14:45,285 --> 00:14:46,985 THERE ARE SOME REALLY COOL THINGS 366 00:14:47,020 --> 00:14:48,360 THAT GO ALONG WITH BEING AN OLD GUY. 367 00:14:48,388 --> 00:14:51,018 YOU KNOW, OLD GUYS GET TO BE GODFATHERS. 368 00:14:51,058 --> 00:14:53,388 - IS MY MOUTH FILLED WITH HAIR? 369 00:14:59,099 --> 00:15:00,169 - WELL, WHY DID YOU BREAK UP WITH HIM 370 00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:02,370 IF YOU KNEW THAT THE WINTER FORMAL WAS THIS WEEKEND? 371 00:15:02,402 --> 00:15:06,242 - I DON'T KNOW. MAYBE BECAUSE I INSISTED I PAY FOR MY LUNCH, 372 00:15:06,273 --> 00:15:07,673 AND HE LET ME PAY FOR LUNCH. 373 00:15:07,707 --> 00:15:09,337 - WHAT IS HE, SOME KIND OF FEMINIST? 374 00:15:09,376 --> 00:15:10,506 - EXACTLY! 375 00:15:10,543 --> 00:15:12,583 - OH, HANG ON, CHRISTY. 376 00:15:12,612 --> 00:15:15,622 HI. OH, NO. I'M JUST TALKING TO MY COUSIN. 377 00:15:15,648 --> 00:15:17,448 WAIT. WHY? 378 00:15:17,484 --> 00:15:19,354 - THIS IS HANDICAPPED PARKING ONLY. SEE THE BLUE CURB? 379 00:15:19,386 --> 00:15:21,546 - OH, NO. I AM HANDICAPPED. 380 00:15:21,588 --> 00:15:23,688 I'M PREGNANT, AND IT'S NOT EVEN MY BABY. 381 00:15:23,723 --> 00:15:26,333 IT'S MY SISTER'S. THAT IS WHAT A SAINT I AM. 382 00:15:26,359 --> 00:15:27,629 SO YOU CAN--YOU CAN GO AHEAD AND GIVE ME A TICKET, 383 00:15:27,660 --> 00:15:29,200 BUT, KARMICALLY, 384 00:15:29,229 --> 00:15:31,129 I'M REALLY NOT SURE THAT I WOULD ROLL THOSE DICE. 385 00:15:31,164 --> 00:15:32,404 - I'M FEELING LUCKY. 386 00:15:32,432 --> 00:15:35,142 - YOU ARE, LIKE, THE MEANEST PERSON IN THE WORLD. 387 00:15:35,168 --> 00:15:36,498 METER MAID! 388 00:15:39,039 --> 00:15:40,239 SORRY, CHRISTY. 389 00:15:40,273 --> 00:15:41,573 - WHAT WAS THAT ALL ABOUT? 390 00:15:41,608 --> 00:15:44,408 - NOTHING. SOMEONE'S JUST GOING TO HELL. 391 00:15:44,444 --> 00:15:45,714 OKAY, SO... 392 00:15:45,745 --> 00:15:47,575 SENIOR FORMAL-- WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO? 393 00:15:47,614 --> 00:15:50,124 - I GUESS I'M NOT GOING. 394 00:15:50,150 --> 00:15:53,390 - IT IS YOUR SENIOR FORMAL. YOU ARE A SENIOR. 395 00:15:53,420 --> 00:15:55,360 YOU HAVE TO GO. - BUT WITH WHO? 396 00:15:55,388 --> 00:15:58,088 THERE IS NOBODY. - IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE, 397 00:15:58,125 --> 00:16:00,425 LIKE, THE MOST POPULAR PERSON IN THE WORLD. 398 00:16:00,460 --> 00:16:02,360 WHY DON'T YOU TRY A NEW APPROACH THIS YEAR? 399 00:16:02,395 --> 00:16:04,725 HOW ABOUT YOU-- YOU KNOW WHAT? 400 00:16:04,764 --> 00:16:06,374 HOW ABOUT YOU ASK OUT A FRESHMAN-- 401 00:16:06,399 --> 00:16:08,139 SOME KID WHO WILL TREAT YOU LIKE A QUEEN 402 00:16:08,168 --> 00:16:10,338 INSTEAD OF THROWING UP ALL OVER YOUR DRESS? 403 00:16:10,370 --> 00:16:12,270 JUST A THOUGHT. - THAT SEEMS RANDOM. 404 00:16:12,305 --> 00:16:15,305 - UM, RANDOM BRILLIANT. PLUS, IT'S NOT A BAD P.R. MOVE. 405 00:16:15,342 --> 00:16:17,512 AND NO OFFENSE, I LOVE YOU, BUT YOU ARE KIND OF A SNOB. 406 00:16:17,544 --> 00:16:19,314 LET THE LITTLE FRESHMEN HAVE SOME CAKE. 407 00:16:19,346 --> 00:16:21,306 - LOOK, I DIDN'T HAVE ENOUGH TIME 408 00:16:21,348 --> 00:16:22,618 TO FINISH GRAPES OF WRATH LAST NIGHT. 409 00:16:22,649 --> 00:16:23,679 THERE'S A QUIZ AFTER LUNCH. 410 00:16:23,716 --> 00:16:25,616 STOP BEING A JERK AND JUST TELL ME HOW IT ENDS. 411 00:16:25,652 --> 00:16:27,752 - ROSE'S BABY DIES, AND SHE BREAST-FEEDS A DRIFTER. 412 00:16:27,787 --> 00:16:30,317 - WHAT? - SPOILER ALERT. 413 00:16:30,357 --> 00:16:31,457 - WAIT. FROM BOTH BOOBS? 414 00:16:31,491 --> 00:16:34,391 - THE BOOK DIDN'T SPECIFY HOW MANY BOOBS WERE USED. 415 00:16:34,427 --> 00:16:35,627 - OH, I GET IT. 416 00:16:35,662 --> 00:16:38,432 THE GRAPES OF WRATH ARE HER BOOBS, 417 00:16:38,465 --> 00:16:39,495 AND THEY'RE ANGRY. 418 00:16:39,532 --> 00:16:42,242 - YEAH, THEY'LL DEFINITELY PUT THAT IN THE QUIZ. 419 00:16:42,269 --> 00:16:44,399 - HEY, YOU GUYS HEAR MR. BURKE'S CLASS 420 00:16:44,437 --> 00:16:46,437 GETS TO VIDEO CHAT WITH AN ASTRONAUT NEXT WEEK? 421 00:16:46,473 --> 00:16:47,713 - BORING. - WHO CARES? 422 00:16:47,740 --> 00:16:50,410 - THAT'S WHY I SAID IT, TO MAKE SURE THAT WE'RE ALL IN AGREEMENT 423 00:16:50,443 --> 00:16:51,743 THAT THE SPACE PROGRAM IS LAME. 424 00:16:51,778 --> 00:16:53,548 EVERYBODY, PUT YOUR HAND IN. 425 00:16:53,580 --> 00:16:54,810 "SPACE IS LAME" ON THREE. 426 00:16:54,847 --> 00:16:56,647 - RODDY, THAT'S LAMER THAN SPACE. 427 00:16:56,683 --> 00:16:58,593 - EXACTLY. 428 00:16:58,618 --> 00:17:01,518 CONGRATULATIONS. YOU GUYS PASSED BOTH TESTS. 429 00:17:01,554 --> 00:17:03,524 - OH. OH, SORRY. - WHAT THE HELL? 430 00:17:03,556 --> 00:17:07,326 - OH, HEY, CHRISTY. THAT'S A COOL PHONE. 431 00:17:07,360 --> 00:17:09,260 HOW MANY APPS YOU GOT ON THAT THING? 432 00:17:09,296 --> 00:17:11,196 I BET YOU GOT, LIKE, 40 APPS. 433 00:17:11,231 --> 00:17:12,731 THAT'S SO LIKE YOU. 434 00:17:12,765 --> 00:17:15,165 AND THAT'S SO ME, TO BE ALL UP IN YOUR TECHNOLOGY. 435 00:17:15,202 --> 00:17:16,642 [both chuckle] 436 00:17:16,669 --> 00:17:18,409 - RODDY, AM I STILL TALKING? 437 00:17:18,438 --> 00:17:22,278 - WANT TO GO TO THE SENIOR FORMAL 438 00:17:22,309 --> 00:17:23,579 WITH ME ON SATURDAY? 439 00:17:23,610 --> 00:17:26,450 - YEAH, RIGHT. 440 00:17:26,479 --> 00:17:29,849 ARE YOU SERIOUS? 441 00:17:29,882 --> 00:17:32,692 - PICK YOU UP AT 8:00. AND... 442 00:17:32,719 --> 00:17:35,049 DON'T GET A HAIRCUT. 443 00:17:39,159 --> 00:17:40,259 - WHAT JUST HAPPENED? 444 00:17:40,293 --> 00:17:43,633 - CHRISTY FRICKIN' HAYES JUST FINGERED ONE OF YOUR CURLS. 445 00:17:47,534 --> 00:17:50,404 - I'VE BEEN TRYING TO FIND EXACTLY WHAT'S BEEN MISSING 446 00:17:50,437 --> 00:17:52,467 - I'M CONFIDENT, SMART, AND FUN TO BE WITH. 447 00:17:52,505 --> 00:17:54,765 I'M CONFIDENT, I'M SMART, AND I'M FUN TO BE WITH. 448 00:17:54,807 --> 00:17:56,437 [knock at door] I'M BUSY! 449 00:17:58,511 --> 00:18:01,311 OKAY. 450 00:18:01,348 --> 00:18:02,748 - UH-OH. - WHAT? 451 00:18:02,782 --> 00:18:04,382 - I THINK I PASSED YOUR HAIR 452 00:18:04,417 --> 00:18:05,587 ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD THIS MORNING. 453 00:18:05,618 --> 00:18:08,358 [sighs] THE ONE THING SHE LIKED ABOUT YOU WAS YOUR HAIR. 454 00:18:08,388 --> 00:18:09,518 WHY DID YOU MESS WITH IT? 455 00:18:09,556 --> 00:18:11,816 - BECAUSE IT-- SHUT UP. I DON'T KNOW. 456 00:18:11,858 --> 00:18:13,488 - BETTER. DON'T TOUCH IT. 457 00:18:13,526 --> 00:18:14,556 [knock at door] - ONE SECOND. 458 00:18:14,594 --> 00:18:17,134 - I HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND THE MAGNITUDE OF TONIGHT. 459 00:18:17,164 --> 00:18:18,874 YOU NAIL THIS, WE ALL GET CHRISTIES. 460 00:18:18,898 --> 00:18:20,598 OUR LIVES WILL NEVER BE THE SAME. 461 00:18:20,633 --> 00:18:23,743 - WHAT'S SO GREAT ABOUT CHRISTY HAYES? 462 00:18:23,770 --> 00:18:25,570 - RODDY, I'M GONNA NEED A STACK OF LEGAL PADS, 463 00:18:25,605 --> 00:18:27,705 A NUMBER-TWO PENCIL, AND, LIKE, 20 RED BULLS 464 00:18:27,740 --> 00:18:30,440 TO EXPLAIN TO KIT THE WONDERS OF CHRISTY HAYES. 465 00:18:30,477 --> 00:18:32,407 [knock at door] - HEY, JOSH. HEY, BUDDY-- 466 00:18:32,445 --> 00:18:34,245 WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DO-- WHAT, ARE YOU SMOKING DRUGS? 467 00:18:34,281 --> 00:18:35,481 GET OUT. GET THE HELL OUT, ALL OF YOU. 468 00:18:35,515 --> 00:18:37,175 LET'S GO, DOUBLE TIME. 469 00:18:37,217 --> 00:18:38,547 I WANT TO TALK TO MY BOY ALONE. 470 00:18:38,585 --> 00:18:40,445 - JEFF. 471 00:18:40,487 --> 00:18:42,817 - EVERY TIME. 472 00:18:42,855 --> 00:18:46,385 - KLEPTOMANIAC. 473 00:18:46,426 --> 00:18:48,426 [chuckles] 474 00:18:48,461 --> 00:18:49,761 YOUR HAIR LOOKS NICE. 475 00:18:49,796 --> 00:18:51,556 - LOOK, CHRISTY'S GONNA BE HERE ANY MINUTE. 476 00:18:51,598 --> 00:18:53,928 WE REALLY DON'T NEED-- - LOOK AT YOU, ALL GROWN UP. 477 00:18:53,966 --> 00:18:55,436 - DAD, WE REALLY DON'T NEED TO HAVE THIS TALK-- 478 00:18:55,468 --> 00:18:56,838 - ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, I'LL GET TO THE POINT. 479 00:18:56,869 --> 00:18:57,899 HAVE A SEAT. - [sighs] 480 00:18:57,937 --> 00:19:00,467 - COME ON, SIT DOWN. 481 00:19:00,507 --> 00:19:02,237 JOSH, WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT YOUR PENIS. 482 00:19:02,275 --> 00:19:03,575 - WHAT? - YOU'RE A FORD. 483 00:19:03,610 --> 00:19:05,380 FORD'S GET BONERS EASILY, ALL OF US. 484 00:19:05,412 --> 00:19:07,382 WE ALWAYS HAVE--IT'S A FAMILY TRAIT OR SOMETHING. 485 00:19:07,414 --> 00:19:08,924 DAD, WE DON'T NEED TO TALK ABOUT BONERS. 486 00:19:08,948 --> 00:19:11,178 - RELAX, JOSH. YOU'RE GONNA THANK ME FOR THIS TOMORROW. 487 00:19:11,218 --> 00:19:12,618 - I'M NOT GONNA THANK YOU TOMORROW. 488 00:19:12,652 --> 00:19:15,892 - YOU JUST NEED TO LEARN A FEW SIMPLE TRICKS, ALL RIGHT? 489 00:19:15,922 --> 00:19:19,562 NOW, IF MR. HAPPY COMES OUT AT AN INAPPROPRIATE MOMENT, 490 00:19:19,592 --> 00:19:21,732 THE FIRST THING YOU'RE GONNA DO IS WHAT WE CALL "THE TUCK"-- 491 00:19:21,761 --> 00:19:23,801 SIMPLE. 492 00:19:23,830 --> 00:19:25,830 YOU GO IN, GRAB HOLD, PULL IT UP NORTH, 493 00:19:25,865 --> 00:19:27,525 TUCK UNDERNEATH THE BELT BUCKLE-- 494 00:19:27,567 --> 00:19:28,697 ONE FLUID MOTION, RIGHT? 495 00:19:28,735 --> 00:19:31,365 NOW, LOOK, IF THAT'S GONNA ATTRACT TOO MUCH ATTENTION, 496 00:19:31,404 --> 00:19:33,414 YOU NEED TO DO WHAT WE CALL "THE UNTIED SHOE." 497 00:19:33,440 --> 00:19:36,940 HE'S DOING HIS THING, RIGHT? YOU GO DOWN ON ONE KNEE, 498 00:19:36,976 --> 00:19:39,206 YOU ACT LIKE YOU'RE TYING YOUR SHOE. 499 00:19:39,246 --> 00:19:40,806 YOU WAIT IT OUT. YOU GOT IT? 500 00:19:40,847 --> 00:19:42,317 - I HAVE IT. I WILL WAIT IT OUT. 501 00:19:42,349 --> 00:19:43,419 [doorbell rings] - OH, SHE'S HERE. 502 00:19:43,450 --> 00:19:45,220 - THANK GOD. - GOOD LUCK. 503 00:19:45,252 --> 00:19:47,422 - THANKS. - [chuckles] 504 00:19:47,454 --> 00:19:48,764 [door closes] PICTURES! 505 00:19:48,788 --> 00:19:51,318 I GOT TO TAKE PICTURES. 506 00:19:52,925 --> 00:19:55,655 - HI. OH, YOU LOOK NICE. 507 00:19:55,695 --> 00:19:56,995 - YOU LOOK FANTASTIC. 508 00:19:57,029 --> 00:19:58,469 - LAURA! LAURA! COME HERE, COME HERE. 509 00:19:58,498 --> 00:20:00,768 - [gasps] - ALL RIGHT. 510 00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:02,900 - AW! MY BABY! - ALL RIGHT, GUYS, HERE WE GO. 511 00:20:02,935 --> 00:20:05,235 - IT'S KIND OF A BIG DEAL FOR YOU GUYS, HUH? 512 00:20:05,272 --> 00:20:06,512 - NOPE. 513 00:20:06,539 --> 00:20:07,609 - OH, YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU NEED THE CORSAGE. 514 00:20:07,640 --> 00:20:08,640 - YEAH, GIVE HIM THE FLOWER THING. 515 00:20:08,675 --> 00:20:09,635 - THANK YOU. 516 00:20:09,676 --> 00:20:11,536 - DID YOUR FATHER TALK TO YOU ABOUT YOUR PENIS? 517 00:20:11,578 --> 00:20:12,978 - MOM! - OH, OKAY. 518 00:20:13,012 --> 00:20:15,482 - COME ON. ALL RIGHT, TOGETHER, BIG SMILE! 519 00:20:15,515 --> 00:20:17,345 BIG SMILE! THAT'S IT. - OH! 520 00:20:17,384 --> 00:20:18,394 [camera shutter clicks] 521 00:20:26,293 --> 00:20:27,793 - BECAUSE YOU'RE ONE. 522 00:20:27,827 --> 00:20:29,757 - [giggles] YOU'RE SO CUTE! 523 00:20:29,796 --> 00:20:31,456 - THAT WASN'T TOO CHEESY, WAS IT? 524 00:20:31,498 --> 00:20:32,968 - NO. - OKAY. 525 00:20:36,736 --> 00:20:38,406 [cell phone ringing] - OH, CAN YOU HOLD THAT? 526 00:20:38,438 --> 00:20:40,368 - SORRY. - HELLO? 527 00:20:40,407 --> 00:20:42,437 - GRANDMA'S DEAD. - WHAT? 528 00:20:42,475 --> 00:20:43,875 OH, NO! WHAT HAPPENED? 529 00:20:43,910 --> 00:20:46,310 - NOTHING. YOU TOLD ME TO CALL YOU SO YOU'D HAVE AN OUT 530 00:20:46,346 --> 00:20:47,406 IN CASE THINGS DIDN'T WORK OUT WITH THE KID. 531 00:20:47,447 --> 00:20:50,047 - OH, I TOTALLY FORGOT. 532 00:20:50,082 --> 00:20:52,052 NO, THINGS ARE GOING GREAT. 533 00:20:52,084 --> 00:20:53,554 - OH, REALLY? [gasps] 534 00:20:53,586 --> 00:20:55,386 SO THINGS ARE GOING WELL WITH THE FRESHMAN. 535 00:20:55,422 --> 00:20:58,632 THAT IS SO NICE. SEE, CHRISTY? I TOLD YOU. 536 00:20:58,658 --> 00:21:01,058 YOU NEVER KNOW WHERE THE RIGHT GUY'S GONNA TURN UP. 537 00:21:01,093 --> 00:21:02,763 BYE. 538 00:21:05,565 --> 00:21:07,065 [gasps] 539 00:21:07,099 --> 00:21:08,469 - ANNIE? 540 00:21:08,501 --> 00:21:09,971 - MATT. 541 00:21:10,002 --> 00:21:12,972 WOW. UM... WOW. THIS IS CRAZY. 542 00:21:13,005 --> 00:21:15,805 WHAT A SURPRISE. - YEAH, TOTALLY... 543 00:21:15,842 --> 00:21:17,442 THOUGH MAYBE MORE SO FOR ME. 544 00:21:17,477 --> 00:21:18,907 YOU KNOW YOU'RE IN THE MEN'S ROOM, RIGHT? 545 00:21:18,945 --> 00:21:20,305 - OH, OH, RIGHT. 546 00:21:20,347 --> 00:21:21,407 BUT, UM, I'M PREGNANT, 547 00:21:21,448 --> 00:21:24,518 SO I HAVE A RIGHT, AND THERE WAS A REALLY LONG LINE. 548 00:21:24,551 --> 00:21:27,651 - NO, NO, I GET IT. GUYS ARE QUICKER. 549 00:21:30,089 --> 00:21:31,989 SO, UH, HOW ARE YOU? 550 00:21:32,024 --> 00:21:34,334 I MEAN, Y-YOU'RE STILL PREGNANT, I SEE. 551 00:21:34,361 --> 00:21:36,361 - YEAH, I CAN'T REALLY SHAKE THIS THING. 552 00:21:36,396 --> 00:21:38,796 [giggles] UM... 553 00:21:38,831 --> 00:21:40,771 HEY, WHAT ABOUT YOU? DO YOU... 554 00:21:40,800 --> 00:21:42,900 OH, DO YOU STILL HAVE THAT GIRLFRIEND? 555 00:21:44,637 --> 00:21:46,807 - UH, YEAH, I DO. 556 00:21:46,839 --> 00:21:49,409 - GREAT. 557 00:21:49,442 --> 00:21:52,082 IT'S JUST SO-- IT'S GREAT WHEN THINGS WORK OUT, 558 00:21:52,111 --> 00:21:53,781 YOU KNOW, 'CAUSE MOST OF THE TIME THEY DON'T, AND-- 559 00:21:53,813 --> 00:21:55,423 NOT THAT THINGS AREN'T GONNA WORK OUT FOR YOU, 560 00:21:55,448 --> 00:21:56,978 UNLESS THEY DON'T. 561 00:21:57,016 --> 00:21:59,486 YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? - NOT REALLY. 562 00:21:59,519 --> 00:22:01,819 [door opens] - OH, HEY, UM, YOU'RE GOOD. 563 00:22:01,854 --> 00:22:03,424 I'M PREGNANT, AND I HAVE A RIGHT, SO... 564 00:22:03,456 --> 00:22:05,526 ONE SECOND. 565 00:22:05,558 --> 00:22:08,428 I THINK I'M GONNA GO. 566 00:22:08,461 --> 00:22:12,061 OH, HEY, MATT, NEXT TIME WE RUN INTO EACH OTHER, 567 00:22:12,098 --> 00:22:13,528 I PROMISE THAT I'LL TRY TO ACT 568 00:22:13,566 --> 00:22:14,826 LIKE A MARGINALLY NORMAL HUMAN BEING, 569 00:22:14,867 --> 00:22:17,537 YOU KNOW, IF THERE IS A NEXT TIME. 570 00:22:17,570 --> 00:22:18,870 - THERE WILL BE. 571 00:22:20,139 --> 00:22:22,639 I JUST MEAN THAT THE CITY IS SMALL, 572 00:22:22,675 --> 00:22:24,375 LIKE, ONLY 20 SQUARE MILES, I THINK. 573 00:22:24,411 --> 00:22:26,551 IT'S REALLY JUST-- IT'S A QUESTION OF PROBABILITY. 574 00:22:26,579 --> 00:22:28,449 YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? 575 00:22:28,481 --> 00:22:30,521 - I DO. 576 00:22:30,550 --> 00:22:31,780 [man urinating] 577 00:22:31,818 --> 00:22:33,088 OKAY, SERIOUSLY, DUDE, 578 00:22:33,119 --> 00:22:35,019 YOU COULDN'T WAIT, LIKE, 20 MORE SECONDS? 579 00:22:45,197 --> 00:22:47,827 - WOW. TONIGHT DIDN'T SUCK. 580 00:22:47,867 --> 00:22:49,037 - I AGREE. 581 00:22:49,068 --> 00:22:51,638 - ACTUALLY, I HAD A REALLY GOOD TIME, 582 00:22:51,671 --> 00:22:54,741 EVEN THOUGH... [grunts softly] 583 00:22:54,774 --> 00:22:57,784 THIS BRA HAS BEEN KILLING ME. 584 00:23:03,850 --> 00:23:05,890 SO MUCH BETTER. 585 00:23:05,918 --> 00:23:07,148 - YEAH. 586 00:23:07,186 --> 00:23:09,986 THOSE THINGS ALWAYS LOOKED UNCOMFORTABLE-- 587 00:23:10,022 --> 00:23:12,432 BRAS. 588 00:23:15,094 --> 00:23:18,504 WELL, UM, THANK YOU FOR INVITING ME. 589 00:23:18,531 --> 00:23:21,871 I'LL SEE YOU AROUND, I GUESS. 590 00:23:21,901 --> 00:23:23,901 - WELL... 591 00:23:23,936 --> 00:23:27,166 [Josh slurping] 592 00:23:31,744 --> 00:23:34,484 - GOOD NIGHT, CHRISTY. 593 00:23:34,514 --> 00:23:36,684 - MY FIRST KISS WENT A LITTLE LIKE THIS 594 00:23:36,716 --> 00:23:38,546 [smooches] AND TWIST 595 00:23:38,585 --> 00:23:40,015 AND TWIST [smooches] 596 00:23:40,052 --> 00:23:43,522 - WELL, MY FIRST KISS WENT A LITTLE LIKE THIS 597 00:23:43,556 --> 00:23:45,156 [smooches] AND TWIST 598 00:23:45,191 --> 00:23:46,661 AND TWIST [smooches] 599 00:23:56,102 --> 00:23:58,202 - I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU CAME TO SCHOOL TODAY. 600 00:23:58,237 --> 00:24:00,107 IF THERE WERE EVER A TIME TO STAY DOWN ON THE MAT... 601 00:24:00,139 --> 00:24:01,739 - WHAT? - YOU BLEW IT. 602 00:24:01,774 --> 00:24:03,114 AND EVERYONE AT SCHOOL IS TALKING ABOUT IT, 603 00:24:03,142 --> 00:24:05,142 EVEN THE JANITOR WITH THE VIETNAM HAIR. 604 00:24:05,177 --> 00:24:06,907 - WAIT. BLEW WHAT? THE DATE? 605 00:24:06,946 --> 00:24:08,046 HOW? I HAD IT PERFECTLY TUCKED. 606 00:24:08,080 --> 00:24:09,650 THERE'S NO WAY SHE COULD'VE SEEN IT. 607 00:24:09,682 --> 00:24:10,952 - NO, I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT YOUR BONER. 608 00:24:10,983 --> 00:24:12,593 CHRISTY HAYES SEES 100 BONERS A DAY. 609 00:24:12,619 --> 00:24:13,949 THEY THROW A BONER TAPE PARADE 610 00:24:13,986 --> 00:24:15,146 EVERY TIME SHE WALKS DOWN THE STREET. 611 00:24:15,187 --> 00:24:17,857 I'M TALKING ABOUT THE FACT THAT YOU ARE A HORRIBLE KISSER. 612 00:24:17,890 --> 00:24:18,990 - WHAT? SAYS WHO? 613 00:24:19,025 --> 00:24:20,985 - THE SOCIAL NETWORKS ARE ON FIRE. 614 00:24:21,027 --> 00:24:23,027 - NUH-UH. 615 00:24:23,062 --> 00:24:25,532 - "JOSH'S MOUTH IS A SALIVA WELL. 616 00:24:25,565 --> 00:24:28,565 WE NEED TO CAP IT BEFORE IT DESTROYS OUR NATURAL HABITAT." 617 00:24:28,601 --> 00:24:30,871 THAT'S MY FAVORITE ONE SO FAR. 618 00:24:30,903 --> 00:24:32,773 I'M LAUGHING AND THINKING. 619 00:24:32,805 --> 00:24:34,035 - THIS ISN'T FUNNY. 620 00:24:34,073 --> 00:24:36,643 WE WERE GOING TO BE KNEE-DEEP IN CHRISTIES. 621 00:24:36,676 --> 00:24:38,746 NOW ALL WE HAVE IS EACH OTHER, 622 00:24:38,778 --> 00:24:41,278 WHICH IS WHAT WE HAD TO BEGIN WITH, WHICH ISN'T ENOUGH. 623 00:24:41,313 --> 00:24:43,583 - DUDE, I NEED A WOMAN. 624 00:24:43,616 --> 00:24:45,046 I CAN'T SIT THROUGH ANOTHER 625 00:24:45,084 --> 00:24:47,794 "IT'S OKAY IF YOU'RE GAY" CONVERSATION WITH MY PARENTS. 626 00:24:47,820 --> 00:24:50,060 - WHY IS THIS ALL MY FAULT? DID IT EVER OCCUR TO YOU 627 00:24:50,089 --> 00:24:52,089 THAT MAYBE CHRISTY HAYES IS THE BAD KISSER? 628 00:24:52,124 --> 00:24:54,194 - I SHOULD SHOOT YOU IN THE FACE FOR SAYING THAT. 629 00:24:54,226 --> 00:24:56,256 CHRISTY HAYES TAUGHT MY DAD HOW TO KISS. 630 00:24:56,295 --> 00:24:58,095 - THERE'S ONLY ONE THING TO DO. 631 00:24:58,130 --> 00:24:59,900 YOU HAVE TO KISS HER AGAIN. 632 00:24:59,932 --> 00:25:01,572 PROVE THAT YOU'RE A GOOD KISSER. 633 00:25:01,601 --> 00:25:03,101 THEN SHE'LL THINK IT WAS JUST AN ANOMALY 634 00:25:03,135 --> 00:25:04,235 AND THROW OUT THE FALSE DATA. 635 00:25:04,270 --> 00:25:07,010 - OR YOU COULD MOVE ON, LIKE A WINNER. 636 00:25:07,039 --> 00:25:09,239 - THE PROBLEM IS, JOSH DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO KISS. 637 00:25:09,275 --> 00:25:12,075 - THEN WE'LL GO TO THE SOURCE OF ALL KNOWLEDGE. 638 00:25:12,111 --> 00:25:14,181 - WHICH IS? - PORN. 639 00:25:14,213 --> 00:25:15,683 - OH, COME ON, NO. 640 00:25:15,715 --> 00:25:17,845 I DON'T WANT TO WATCH-- - YET ANOTHER STUPID IDEA. 641 00:25:17,884 --> 00:25:19,094 THERE'S NO KISSING IN PORN. 642 00:25:19,118 --> 00:25:23,718 - I'M SORRY. DID SOMEONE SAY THAT THERE'S NO KISSING IN PORN? 643 00:25:29,061 --> 00:25:31,801 - OH, MAN... THEY SEEM FRIENDLY. 644 00:25:31,831 --> 00:25:34,131 - YEAH. - YOU GUYS ARE IDIOTS. 645 00:25:34,166 --> 00:25:36,936 [sighs] COME HERE. - WAIT. WHAT? 646 00:25:36,969 --> 00:25:38,909 - I'M GONNA SIT DOWN, 'CAUSE I MIGHT FALL. 647 00:25:38,938 --> 00:25:40,808 - YOU THINK THEY'RE ON FACEBOOK? 648 00:25:40,840 --> 00:25:43,910 - NO. WHAT? SHH. 649 00:25:46,613 --> 00:25:48,823 - OKAY, I'M GONNA SHOW YOU HOW TO KISS. 650 00:25:48,848 --> 00:25:50,078 - WHAT? 651 00:25:50,116 --> 00:25:51,846 NO, THAT'S LIKE KISSING MY BROTHER, 652 00:25:51,884 --> 00:25:53,194 NO, THANK YOU. - LOOK... 653 00:25:53,219 --> 00:25:56,019 IT'S EVEN GROSSER FOR ME, BECAUSE YOU'RE YOU. 654 00:25:56,055 --> 00:25:58,015 BUT RIGHT NOW I'M YOUR ONLY HOPE 655 00:25:58,057 --> 00:26:00,987 OF EVER EVEN COMING WITHIN 15 FEET OF A FEMALE EVER AGAIN. 656 00:26:01,027 --> 00:26:03,927 SO, COME ON, LET'S DO THIS. 657 00:26:09,035 --> 00:26:11,835 OKAY. WOW. SHE WAS RIGHT. 658 00:26:11,871 --> 00:26:14,871 YOU SUCK AT THIS. - OH, MY GOD. 659 00:26:14,907 --> 00:26:17,037 - DON'T FREAK OUT. WE CAN FIX THIS. 660 00:26:17,076 --> 00:26:19,376 FIRST OF ALL, YOU GOT TO RELAX THOSE LIPS. 661 00:26:19,411 --> 00:26:22,921 THEY HAVE TO BE SOFT. DO NOT FLEX ONE LIP MUSCLE. 662 00:26:22,949 --> 00:26:24,079 - OKAY. 663 00:26:24,116 --> 00:26:26,146 - AND AS SOON AS YOUR LIPS TOUCH MINE, 664 00:26:26,185 --> 00:26:28,045 MOUTH THE WORD "WHISPER." 665 00:26:28,087 --> 00:26:30,617 - WHAT? - JUST TRY IT. 666 00:26:32,959 --> 00:26:35,159 - [muffled] WHISPER. - [giggles] 667 00:26:35,194 --> 00:26:38,234 YOU DON'T ACTUALLY SAY THE WORD. YOU JUST MOUTH IT. 668 00:26:38,264 --> 00:26:41,004 - [inhales deeply] OKAY, OKAY. 669 00:26:53,345 --> 00:26:56,015 - AND THAT'S HOW YOU KISS. 670 00:26:59,051 --> 00:27:02,191 BUT YOUR LIPS ARE, UM, REALLY DRY. 671 00:27:02,221 --> 00:27:04,091 ALWAYS WEAR CHAPSTICK. 672 00:27:04,123 --> 00:27:06,063 - OH, THANKS. 673 00:27:06,092 --> 00:27:10,032 AND THANK YOU FOR HELPING ME. 674 00:27:10,062 --> 00:27:12,162 - SHUT UP. 675 00:27:16,002 --> 00:27:19,042 - OKAY. DRUMROLL, PLEASE. 676 00:27:19,071 --> 00:27:20,971 [chuckles] 677 00:27:21,007 --> 00:27:23,037 WELL, TODAY'S THE DAY WE'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR. 678 00:27:23,075 --> 00:27:25,075 AND, NO, I'M NOT RETIRING. 679 00:27:25,111 --> 00:27:27,881 YOU'D LIKE THAT, WOULDN'T YOU, MR. HEINSZER? 680 00:27:27,914 --> 00:27:29,924 [chuckles] WELL, ENOUGH OF THAT. 681 00:27:29,949 --> 00:27:33,089 TODAY WE HAVE THE RARE PRIVILEGE TO CHAT 682 00:27:33,119 --> 00:27:34,989 WITH ASTRONAUT SCOTT BOWERS, 683 00:27:35,021 --> 00:27:37,391 LIVE FROM THE INTERNATIONAL SPACE STATION. 684 00:27:45,732 --> 00:27:47,932 MISS HODGES, ARE WE READY? 685 00:27:49,869 --> 00:27:51,969 - I.S.S., THIS IS HOUSTON. 686 00:27:52,004 --> 00:27:54,944 WE ARE NOW ON BOARD TO VIDEO CONFERENCE 687 00:27:54,974 --> 00:27:56,044 WITH MINOTTA HIGH SCHOOL. 688 00:27:56,075 --> 00:27:58,745 - COLONEL BOWERS, CAN YOU HEAR US? 689 00:27:58,778 --> 00:28:02,048 - I'M GONNA KILL YOU! - I HAVE A CAUCASIAN FETISH! 690 00:28:02,081 --> 00:28:03,981 - UH, NOT A GOOD TIME, HOUSTON. 691 00:28:04,016 --> 00:28:07,146 WE'VE GOT TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES. 692 00:28:07,186 --> 00:28:09,256 - OOPS. 693 00:28:09,288 --> 00:28:11,988 LOOKS LIKE SOMEBODY'S HAVING A STAR WAR. 694 00:28:12,024 --> 00:28:13,994 [both laugh] 695 00:28:14,026 --> 00:28:15,956 BUT, SERIOUSLY, UH, NO NEED TO MENTION THIS 696 00:28:15,995 --> 00:28:19,025 TO YOUR PARENTS. 697 00:28:19,065 --> 00:28:22,025 [Two Door Cinema's This is the Life] 698 00:28:22,068 --> 00:28:23,438 699 00:28:23,469 --> 00:28:25,169 - WHISPER, WHISPER. 700 00:28:25,204 --> 00:28:27,014 WHISPER. 701 00:28:27,039 --> 00:28:33,049 702 00:28:33,079 --> 00:28:34,509 - 'CAUSE THIS IS THE LIFE 703 00:28:34,546 --> 00:28:36,216 THIS IS THE LIFE, THIS IS THE LIFE 704 00:28:36,248 --> 00:28:39,418 - MR. FORD. MR. FORD! 705 00:28:39,451 --> 00:28:41,521 WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING? 706 00:28:41,553 --> 00:28:43,063 [class whooping] 707 00:28:43,089 --> 00:28:45,419 - WATCH THE CAKE. 708 00:28:46,993 --> 00:28:49,103 - AND IF THIS IS THE LIFE 709 00:28:49,128 --> 00:28:50,258 THIS IS THE LIFE 710 00:28:50,296 --> 00:28:53,026 THIS IS THE LIFE, THIS IS THE LIFE 711 00:28:53,065 --> 00:28:58,035 THIS IS THE LIFE, THEN WHO'D ARGUE? 712 00:29:00,372 --> 00:29:03,042 - HI. 713 00:29:03,075 --> 00:29:05,105 - HEY. 714 00:29:05,144 --> 00:29:06,814 - SO... 715 00:29:06,846 --> 00:29:08,076 THAT WAS A 180. 716 00:29:08,114 --> 00:29:10,454 - [chuckles] YEAH. 717 00:29:10,482 --> 00:29:13,322 - I HAVE NO PLANS FRIDAY NIGHT, 718 00:29:13,352 --> 00:29:15,092 IN CASE YOU WANTED TO SPEND YOUR ALLOWANCE 719 00:29:15,121 --> 00:29:17,061 ON SOMETHING WORTHWHILE. 720 00:29:18,290 --> 00:29:20,430 - UH... 721 00:29:23,429 --> 00:29:25,129 NO, NO. I'M--I'M GOOD. 722 00:29:25,164 --> 00:29:27,174 - [giggles] 723 00:29:27,199 --> 00:29:29,469 - BUT YOU 724 00:29:29,501 --> 00:29:31,071 725 00:29:31,103 --> 00:29:34,173 BUT YOU 726 00:29:34,206 --> 00:29:35,406 OOH 727 00:29:35,441 --> 00:29:39,111 BUT YOU 728 00:29:39,145 --> 00:29:40,575 - ARE YOU CRAZY? 729 00:29:40,612 --> 00:29:45,422 - NO ONE'S GONNA CHANGE YOUR LIFE 730 00:29:45,451 --> 00:29:49,121 NO ONE'S GONNA CHANGE YOUR LIFE 731 00:29:49,155 --> 00:29:50,955 BUT YOU 732 00:29:50,990 --> 00:29:54,090 - HEY. - HEY. 733 00:29:54,126 --> 00:29:55,996 - SO I HEARD YOU MOUTH-MOLESTED CHRISTY HAYES 734 00:29:56,028 --> 00:29:59,028 IN PHYSICS TODAY. 735 00:29:59,065 --> 00:30:01,065 - YEAH. 736 00:30:01,100 --> 00:30:02,570 - CONGRATULATIONS. 737 00:30:02,601 --> 00:30:06,011 CHRISTY THINKS YOU'RE A GOOD KISSER. 738 00:30:06,038 --> 00:30:09,878 - ACTUALLY, SHE SAID I NEEDED MORE PRACTICE. 739 00:30:09,909 --> 00:30:12,079 - NO ONE'S GONNA CHANGE YOUR 740 00:30:12,111 --> 00:30:14,451 NO ONE'S GONNA CHANGE YOUR 741 00:30:14,480 --> 00:30:16,980 - DID YOU SEE WHAT HAPPENED ON THE SPACE STATION TODAY? 742 00:30:17,016 --> 00:30:19,286 - NO, I MISSED IT. - OH, IT'S GREAT, IT'S GREAT. 743 00:30:21,888 --> 00:30:24,588 [KC & the Sunshine Band's Get Down Tonight] 744 00:30:24,623 --> 00:30:26,893 - WHOA! HEY! 745 00:30:26,926 --> 00:30:28,586 HI, SWEETHEART. HOW ARE YOU? 746 00:30:28,627 --> 00:30:31,197 - I'M BETTER NOW THAT I'M TALKING TO YOU. 747 00:30:31,230 --> 00:30:33,300 WOW. YOU LOOK-- YOU LOOK GREAT. 748 00:30:33,332 --> 00:30:36,002 HOW ARE YOU? - HANGING IN THERE. 749 00:30:36,035 --> 00:30:37,935 - I MISS YOU SO MUCH, TONS. 750 00:30:37,970 --> 00:30:40,210 BUT I'LL--I'LL BE HOME BEFORE YOU KNOW IT. 751 00:30:40,239 --> 00:30:42,609 - YEAH, JUST THREE MORE MONTHS. 752 00:30:42,641 --> 00:30:44,341 - WE'LL CALL IT 90 DAYS, OKAY? 753 00:30:44,376 --> 00:30:45,906 IT MAKES IT SEEM SHORTER. 754 00:30:45,945 --> 00:30:47,205 - 90 DAYS. 755 00:30:47,246 --> 00:30:48,946 [chuckles] 756 00:30:48,981 --> 00:30:50,551 IT SEEMS JUST AS LONG. 757 00:30:50,582 --> 00:30:53,522 - YEAH, BUT TOMORROW IT'LL BE 89 DAYS. 758 00:30:53,552 --> 00:30:55,962 AND THE NEXT DAY, WE CAN SAY 88 DAYS, 759 00:30:55,988 --> 00:30:58,658 UNTIL ONE DAY I GET TO WAKE UP AND SAY, 760 00:30:58,690 --> 00:31:00,360 "SEE YOU TOMORROW, SWEETHEART." [chuckles] 761 00:31:00,392 --> 00:31:02,062 - CAN'T WAIT. [chuckles] 762 00:31:02,094 --> 00:31:05,004 MEANWHILE, HERE WE ARE, STUCK IN TODAY. 763 00:31:05,031 --> 00:31:07,201 - YEAH. 764 00:31:07,233 --> 00:31:09,973 JANINE, WHO IS THAT? 765 00:31:10,002 --> 00:31:13,172 - WHO IS WHAT, HON? - I SAW A DUDE WALK BY. 766 00:31:13,205 --> 00:31:15,605 - THAT IS JUST RANDY THE LANDSCAPER. 767 00:31:15,641 --> 00:31:17,181 HE'S HERE TO MOW THE YARD. 768 00:31:17,209 --> 00:31:18,949 - WHY IS HE IN THE HOUSE? 769 00:31:18,978 --> 00:31:20,508 [chuckling] I MEAN... 770 00:31:20,546 --> 00:31:22,306 THE YARD IS... 771 00:31:22,348 --> 00:31:24,348 THE YARD'S STILL OUTSIDE, RIGHT? 772 00:31:24,383 --> 00:31:27,553 - OH, GOD. - HEY, MAN. IT'S RANDY! 773 00:31:27,586 --> 00:31:30,016 YOU ARE A HERO, BROTHER. 774 00:31:30,056 --> 00:31:31,416 NOW, THAT'S REAL TALK. 775 00:31:31,457 --> 00:31:32,957 AND I DON'T WANT YOU WORRYING 776 00:31:32,992 --> 00:31:34,562 ABOUT THAT YARD OUT THERE, CHIEFY, 777 00:31:34,593 --> 00:31:37,303 'CAUSE THE RAND-SCAPER, HE'S GOT IT ALL UNDER CONTROL. 778 00:31:37,329 --> 00:31:39,369 - [laughing] 779 00:31:39,398 --> 00:31:42,128 - SO NICE TO MEET YOU, SIR. [laughs] 780 00:31:42,168 --> 00:31:42,968 - I'M SORRY, JANINE. 781 00:31:43,002 --> 00:31:45,472 WHY DO WE NEED A GUY TO MOW THE YARD? 782 00:31:45,504 --> 00:31:48,074 - WHY DO WE NEED A GUY TO MOW THE YARD? 783 00:31:48,107 --> 00:31:49,037 UM, LET ME SEE. 784 00:31:49,075 --> 00:31:51,635 OH. OH, BECAUSE I HAVE BETTER THINGS TO DO 785 00:31:51,677 --> 00:31:54,247 BESIDES MOW YOUR YARD AND PAY YOUR BILLS 786 00:31:54,280 --> 00:31:55,610 AND CLEAN YOUR HOUSE, OKAY? 787 00:31:55,647 --> 00:31:57,447 I HAVE A JOB TOO, REMEMBER? 788 00:31:57,483 --> 00:31:59,453 - I KNOW. I KNOW. I KNOW, BABE. 789 00:31:59,485 --> 00:32:01,485 UM, I'M SO SORRY. I-- 790 00:32:01,520 --> 00:32:03,490 - LOOK, SCOTT, I GOT TO GO. - WHAT? 791 00:32:03,522 --> 00:32:06,692 - I'M SORRY. I JUST, UM... 792 00:32:06,725 --> 00:32:08,455 [softly] I NEED A LITTLE SPACE. 793 00:32:08,494 --> 00:32:10,164 - WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. 794 00:32:10,196 --> 00:32:11,956 WAIT A MIN-- WAIT A MINUTE. 795 00:32:11,998 --> 00:32:13,598 ARE YOU--ARE YOU KIDDING? 796 00:32:13,632 --> 00:32:15,132 - LOOK, I'M--I'M TIRED. 797 00:32:15,167 --> 00:32:17,667 CAN WE JUST TALK TOMORROW? 798 00:32:17,703 --> 00:32:20,013 OKAY? LOVE YOU. 799 00:32:21,107 --> 00:32:23,137 - YEAH, I-I LOVE YOU TOO. 800 00:32:27,713 --> 00:32:30,123 SHE NEEDS MORE SPACE? 801 00:32:30,149 --> 00:32:32,049 SHE NEEDS MORE SPACE! 802 00:32:32,084 --> 00:32:35,394 I'M 216 MILES ABOVE THE EARTH'S SURFACE, 803 00:32:35,421 --> 00:32:37,461 AND--AND SHE NEEDS MORE SPACE! 804 00:32:37,489 --> 00:32:38,559 THAT WAS WEIRD. 805 00:32:38,590 --> 00:32:40,490 THAT--THAT WAS WEIRD, RIGHT, CRAIG? 806 00:32:40,526 --> 00:32:42,756 - I DON'T KNOW, SCOTT. I WAS BUSY DOING SPACE STUFF. 807 00:32:42,794 --> 00:32:44,664 - I DIDN'T THINK SHE WAS ACTING WEIRD AT ALL. 808 00:32:44,696 --> 00:32:45,656 - NO? HUH? 809 00:32:45,697 --> 00:32:47,427 TAKASHI, THANK YOU. 810 00:32:47,466 --> 00:32:48,726 I DON'T-- MAYBE IT'S JUST ME. 811 00:32:48,767 --> 00:32:51,637 - THE GUY BANGING HER WAS ACTING REALLY WEIRD. 812 00:32:51,670 --> 00:32:53,770 - YOU SON OF A-- - TAKE IT EASY, BOTH OF YOU. 813 00:32:53,805 --> 00:32:56,605 LOOK, WE'VE ALL BEEN UP HERE A LONG TIME. 814 00:32:56,642 --> 00:32:58,782 I GET IT. YOU'RE ON EDGE. 815 00:32:58,810 --> 00:32:59,910 WE ALL ARE. 816 00:32:59,945 --> 00:33:02,645 BUT WE'VE SPENT YEARS LEARNING HOW TO KEEP IT TOGETHER 817 00:33:02,681 --> 00:33:04,451 AND DO OUR JOBS. 818 00:33:04,483 --> 00:33:07,523 SO LET'S KEEP IT TOGETHER AND DO OUR JOBS. 819 00:33:07,553 --> 00:33:10,023 - SORRY, CRAIG. 820 00:33:10,056 --> 00:33:11,486 - I'M SORRY, CRAIG. 821 00:33:11,523 --> 00:33:12,693 - AAH! 822 00:33:12,724 --> 00:33:14,334 [Earth, Wind & Fire's Shining Star] 823 00:33:14,360 --> 00:33:16,800 IS THERE A SPIDER ON ME? 824 00:33:16,828 --> 00:33:18,798 I KNOW IT'S IMPLAUSIBLE. 825 00:33:18,830 --> 00:33:20,730 I FEEL LIKE THERE'S SOMETHING CRAWLING ON ME. 826 00:33:20,766 --> 00:33:22,696 SCOTT, IS THERE? 827 00:33:24,703 --> 00:33:26,673 SCOTT! - HUH? 828 00:33:26,705 --> 00:33:28,105 - I NEED YOU TO FOCUS. 829 00:33:28,140 --> 00:33:31,580 - I'M--I'M FOCUSED, CRAIG. I JUST... 830 00:33:31,610 --> 00:33:33,250 I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW NICE IT WOULD BE 831 00:33:33,279 --> 00:33:35,579 IF WE HAD A LITTLE DOG UP HERE, YOU KNOW? 832 00:33:35,614 --> 00:33:37,824 - YEAH. 833 00:33:37,849 --> 00:33:40,119 PUPPIES ARE NICE. 834 00:33:40,152 --> 00:33:42,252 - MM-HMM. 835 00:33:42,288 --> 00:33:45,418 AND I WAS THINKING ABOUT... 836 00:33:45,457 --> 00:33:47,727 SMASHING SOME OF THESE BUTTONS WITH MY HAND, 837 00:33:47,759 --> 00:33:49,629 SO THIS WOULD ALL GO AWAY. 838 00:33:49,661 --> 00:33:51,231 - SCOTT! - YEAH? 839 00:33:51,263 --> 00:33:52,763 - JANINE LOVES YOU. 840 00:33:52,798 --> 00:33:54,668 NOW, THAT'S A KNOWN. 841 00:33:54,700 --> 00:33:56,240 BUT IF IT'LL MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER, 842 00:33:56,268 --> 00:33:58,098 I CAN GIVE MARTY A CALL AND SEE IF WE CAN GET 843 00:33:58,137 --> 00:34:00,507 A VISUAL CONFIRMATION THAT YOUR LAWN'S BEEN MOWED. 844 00:34:00,539 --> 00:34:04,739 - YOU'D DO THAT FOR ME, MAN? - IN A HEARTBEAT. 845 00:34:04,776 --> 00:34:07,746 BUT ONLY BECAUSE I NEED TWO THINGS FROM YOU, COLONEL. 846 00:34:07,779 --> 00:34:09,719 I NEED YOU TO BE FOCUSED... 847 00:34:09,748 --> 00:34:12,778 AND I NEED YOU TO BE EXCEPTIONAL, 848 00:34:12,818 --> 00:34:14,788 'CAUSE THAT'S WHAT ASTRONAUTS ARE. 849 00:34:14,820 --> 00:34:16,190 WE'RE EXCEPTIONAL. 850 00:34:16,222 --> 00:34:18,562 - I.S.S., THIS IS HOUSTON. 851 00:34:18,590 --> 00:34:20,430 GLAD YOU'RE CHECKING IN. 852 00:34:20,459 --> 00:34:23,729 WE NEED TO ADD AN EVENT TO YOUR AGENDA FOR TOMORROW. 853 00:34:23,762 --> 00:34:26,102 VIDEO CONFERENCE WITH HIGH-SCHOOL STUDENTS 854 00:34:26,132 --> 00:34:27,232 AT 0400-- 855 00:34:27,266 --> 00:34:29,296 DETAILS TO FOLLOW. OVER. 856 00:34:29,335 --> 00:34:31,235 - ROGER THAT, HOUSTON. 857 00:34:31,270 --> 00:34:34,270 - HEY, MARTY, I NEED YOU TO DO ME A SOLID. 858 00:34:34,306 --> 00:34:35,636 - SUCH AS? 859 00:34:35,674 --> 00:34:37,644 - I NEED TO GRAB A QUICK SATELLITE SHOT OF SCOTT'S YARD 860 00:34:37,676 --> 00:34:38,776 TO SEE IF IT'S BEEN MOWED. 861 00:34:38,810 --> 00:34:40,650 - YEAH, RIGHT. 862 00:34:40,679 --> 00:34:42,579 - I'M SERIOUS. - WHAT? 863 00:34:42,614 --> 00:34:43,724 WHY? 864 00:34:43,749 --> 00:34:45,879 - IF THE YARD'S BEEN MOWED, THAT MEANS 865 00:34:45,917 --> 00:34:48,817 THAT, UH, JANINE'S LANDSCAPER'S BEEN CUTTING THE GRASS 866 00:34:48,854 --> 00:34:51,164 AND NOT PLOWING JANINE. 867 00:34:51,190 --> 00:34:53,460 - NEGATIVE. ABSOLUTELY NOT. OVER. 868 00:34:53,492 --> 00:34:54,762 - COME ON, MARTY. 869 00:34:54,793 --> 00:34:56,503 SCOTT'S ON THE EDGE. HE'S ABOUT TO FALL OFF. 870 00:34:56,528 --> 00:34:59,468 - TOO BAD. THOSE SATELLITES ARE GOVERNMENT PROPERTY. 871 00:34:59,498 --> 00:35:00,528 - REALLY? 872 00:35:00,566 --> 00:35:02,566 WHEN YOU WERE GOING THROUGH YOUR DIVORCE, MARTY, 873 00:35:02,601 --> 00:35:03,671 WHO WAS THERE FOR YOU? 874 00:35:03,702 --> 00:35:05,602 WAS IT GOVERNMENT PROPERTY? 875 00:35:05,637 --> 00:35:06,807 NO. 876 00:35:06,838 --> 00:35:08,308 IT WAS ME AND SCOTT. 877 00:35:08,340 --> 00:35:10,680 - OKAY. 878 00:35:10,709 --> 00:35:12,739 I'LL CALL ALBERT AND SEE WHAT HE CAN DO. 879 00:35:12,778 --> 00:35:14,278 - ROGER THAT, HOUSTON. 880 00:35:14,313 --> 00:35:16,823 I.S.S. OUT. 881 00:35:16,848 --> 00:35:19,748 [beeping] 882 00:35:30,796 --> 00:35:33,826 [soothing music] 883 00:35:33,865 --> 00:35:41,865 884 00:35:51,950 --> 00:35:53,490 - I.S.S., HOUSTON. 885 00:35:53,519 --> 00:35:55,819 STAND BY FOR VIDEO RECON. 886 00:35:55,854 --> 00:35:57,494 PICTURE IS COMING IN NOW. 887 00:35:57,523 --> 00:35:59,833 - ROGER THAT, HOUSTON. 888 00:35:59,858 --> 00:36:01,758 AND THERE IT IS. - [laughs] 889 00:36:01,793 --> 00:36:03,763 - THAT'S A GOOD-LOOKING YARD RIGHT THERE. 890 00:36:03,795 --> 00:36:05,555 HELL, I HAVEN'T SEEN GRASS LIKE THAT 891 00:36:05,597 --> 00:36:06,697 SINCE I WAS AT WRIGLEY. 892 00:36:06,732 --> 00:36:07,902 - YEAH, YEAH. 893 00:36:07,933 --> 00:36:10,243 IT, UH, DOES LOOK PRETTY GOOD, DOESN'T IT? 894 00:36:10,269 --> 00:36:11,839 - GLAD YOU'RE HAPPY. 895 00:36:11,870 --> 00:36:14,510 SO CAN WE ALL GET BACK TO WORK NOW? 896 00:36:14,540 --> 00:36:15,740 - WAIT. ONE SECOND, HOUSTON. 897 00:36:15,774 --> 00:36:17,744 - CAN YOU, UH, REPOSITION THE PHOTO A LITTLE 898 00:36:17,776 --> 00:36:18,936 TO THE LEFT? OVER. 899 00:36:18,977 --> 00:36:21,207 - IT'S ALL GOOD, SCOTT. LET'S GO. 900 00:36:21,247 --> 00:36:22,477 HEY, MARTY, THANKS A LOT. 901 00:36:22,514 --> 00:36:24,484 - NO, JUST TWO MORE TICKS TO THE LEFT, MARTY. 902 00:36:24,516 --> 00:36:26,516 OVER. 903 00:36:26,552 --> 00:36:29,892 YEAH, OKAY, NOW, UH, ZOOM IN 50-P AND FOCUS. 904 00:36:33,659 --> 00:36:35,289 CAN YOU CLEAN UP SOME OF THE NOISE, HOUSTON? 905 00:36:35,327 --> 00:36:39,867 - YES, IT'S TRUE THAT CHEATERS ALWAYS LOSE 906 00:36:39,898 --> 00:36:41,728 - WE'LL CALL YOU BACK WHEN IT'S TIME 907 00:36:41,767 --> 00:36:43,837 TO DO THE VIDEO THING WITH THE KIDS. 908 00:36:43,869 --> 00:36:45,739 OUT. 909 00:36:45,771 --> 00:36:47,841 - SORRY, MAN. 910 00:36:50,609 --> 00:36:54,209 - SO HOW LONG CAN I WAIT TO CALL HER, LIKE A WEEK? 911 00:37:02,421 --> 00:37:03,791 - HEY, WHERE'S MY PICTURE? 912 00:37:03,822 --> 00:37:06,392 GUYS, WHERE'S MY PICTURE OF JANINE? 913 00:37:06,425 --> 00:37:07,855 [bell dings] 914 00:37:07,893 --> 00:37:09,603 - THE BATHROOM'S FREE. 915 00:37:09,628 --> 00:37:11,558 [Rolling Stones' Get Off of My Cloud playing] 916 00:37:11,597 --> 00:37:12,927 - I SAID, HEY - HEY 917 00:37:12,964 --> 00:37:14,004 - YOU - YOU 918 00:37:14,032 --> 00:37:15,372 - GET OFF OF MY CLOUD 919 00:37:15,401 --> 00:37:16,871 - YOU BASTARD! 920 00:37:16,902 --> 00:37:18,902 - I.S.S., THIS IS HOUSTON. 921 00:37:18,937 --> 00:37:21,337 WE ARE NOW ON BOARD TO VIDEO CONFERENCE 922 00:37:21,373 --> 00:37:22,973 WITH MINOTTA HIGH SCHOOL. 923 00:37:23,008 --> 00:37:24,978 - COLONEL BOWERS, CAN YOU HEAR US? 924 00:37:25,010 --> 00:37:27,880 - I AM GONNA KILL YOU! - I HAVE A CAUCASIAN FETISH! 925 00:37:27,913 --> 00:37:30,323 - IT'S NOT A GOOD TIME, HOUSTON. TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES. 926 00:37:30,349 --> 00:37:32,049 - I WANT TO TALK TO THE KIDDIES. 927 00:37:32,083 --> 00:37:33,423 HI, KIDS! 928 00:37:33,452 --> 00:37:34,992 IF YOU EVER BECOME AN ASTRONAUT, 929 00:37:35,020 --> 00:37:36,760 YOU MIGHT WANT TO LOCK UP YOUR GIRLFRIEND 930 00:37:36,788 --> 00:37:38,018 WHILE YOU'RE IN SPACE. 931 00:37:38,056 --> 00:37:39,786 OR WHEN YOU'RE GOING TO THE GROCERY STORE, 932 00:37:39,825 --> 00:37:42,025 BECAUSE YOU CAN'T TRUST WOMEN! 933 00:37:42,060 --> 00:37:43,830 AAH! 934 00:37:43,862 --> 00:37:46,932 - YOU'RE THE WOMAN, COWGIRL, 'CAUSE YOU HAVE NO BALLS! HUH? 935 00:37:46,965 --> 00:37:49,695 BY CHEATING ON YOU, YOUR EARTH GIRLFRIEND 936 00:37:49,735 --> 00:37:52,465 IS MAKING A MOCKERY OF THE ENTIRE SPACE PROGRAM 937 00:37:52,504 --> 00:37:54,874 AND ALL THE ASTRONAUTS WHO HAVE EVER BEEN A PART OF IT! 938 00:37:54,906 --> 00:37:56,006 YOU EVER THINK THE GREAT CHUCK YEAGER 939 00:37:56,041 --> 00:37:57,541 WOULD EVER PUT UP WITH THIS CRAP? 940 00:37:57,576 --> 00:37:58,536 UH-UH! 941 00:37:58,577 --> 00:38:00,377 RIGHT NOW THE LATE JOHN GLENN 942 00:38:00,412 --> 00:38:02,082 MUST BE ROLLING OVER IN HIS GRAVE. 943 00:38:02,113 --> 00:38:04,583 IF YOU DON'T BREAK UP WITH JANINE RIGHT NOW, 944 00:38:04,616 --> 00:38:05,676 I WILL. 945 00:38:05,717 --> 00:38:07,587 - TAKASHI! THAT'S ENOUGH. 946 00:38:07,619 --> 00:38:10,489 - NO, CRAIG. 947 00:38:10,522 --> 00:38:12,862 TAKASHI'S RIGHT. 948 00:38:12,891 --> 00:38:14,961 I MEAN... 949 00:38:14,993 --> 00:38:16,403 CHUCK YEAGER WAS NEVER AN ASTRONAUT, 950 00:38:16,428 --> 00:38:17,798 AND JOHN GLENN ISN'T DEAD, 951 00:38:17,829 --> 00:38:19,799 AND I HAVE NO IDEA HOW HE WOULD BREAK UP 952 00:38:19,831 --> 00:38:22,731 WITH MY GIRLFRIEND, BUT... 953 00:38:22,768 --> 00:38:25,698 HE'S GOT A POINT. 954 00:38:25,737 --> 00:38:27,767 THIS HAS GONE ON LONG ENOUGH. 955 00:38:29,675 --> 00:38:31,705 TAKASHI... 956 00:38:31,743 --> 00:38:33,853 GET JANINE ON THE LINE. 957 00:38:33,879 --> 00:38:35,749 - NICE. 958 00:38:35,781 --> 00:38:37,881 - CATCH YOU ON THE FLIPSIDE... 959 00:38:37,916 --> 00:38:39,946 COLONEL BALLS. - COLONEL BALLS. 960 00:38:39,985 --> 00:38:42,585 - PSH! - PSHEW! 961 00:38:43,855 --> 00:38:46,855 HEY, JANINE. 962 00:38:46,892 --> 00:38:48,392 WE NEED TO TALK. 963 00:38:48,427 --> 00:38:49,997 - ALL RIGHT, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT? 964 00:38:50,028 --> 00:38:51,798 - WELL, I, UM... 965 00:38:51,830 --> 00:38:54,900 I'VE BEEN DOING A LOT OF THINKING ABOUT THIS. 966 00:38:54,933 --> 00:38:56,903 AND, UM... 967 00:38:59,004 --> 00:39:00,844 IT'S NOT WORKING. 968 00:39:00,872 --> 00:39:02,772 - WHAT DO YOU MEAN? WHAT'S NOT WORKING? 969 00:39:02,808 --> 00:39:05,738 - I'M SAYING... 970 00:39:05,777 --> 00:39:07,547 THAT WE'RE DONE, JANINE. 971 00:39:07,579 --> 00:39:09,919 I... 972 00:39:09,948 --> 00:39:11,848 I NEED SPACE. 973 00:39:11,883 --> 00:39:15,023 - W-W-W-WAIT. YOU'RE BREAKING UP WITH ME? 974 00:39:15,053 --> 00:39:18,463 - SORRY I COULDN'T BE THERE, KIDDO. 975 00:39:18,490 --> 00:39:21,730 COLONEL SCOTT BOWERS... 976 00:39:21,760 --> 00:39:22,860 OUT. 977 00:39:22,894 --> 00:39:27,834 [David Bowie's Starman playing] 978 00:39:27,866 --> 00:39:29,666 - CONGRATULATIONS, COLONEL. 979 00:39:29,701 --> 00:39:31,971 YOU'RE A FREE MAN. 980 00:39:32,003 --> 00:39:35,443 981 00:39:35,474 --> 00:39:38,414 - [voice breaking] I THOUGHT SHE WAS THE ONE. 982 00:39:40,846 --> 00:39:43,146 - LET'S GO. 983 00:39:43,181 --> 00:39:45,751 - WHERE ARE WE GOING, CRAIG? 984 00:39:45,784 --> 00:39:48,054 - LET'S TAKE A WALK. 985 00:39:52,691 --> 00:39:54,631 - JUST SMILE FOR ME 986 00:39:54,660 --> 00:40:00,130 AND LET THE DAY BEGIN 987 00:40:00,165 --> 00:40:02,425 YOU ARE THE SUNSHINE 988 00:40:02,468 --> 00:40:05,798 THAT LIGHTS MY HEART WITHIN 989 00:40:08,006 --> 00:40:10,876 I'M SURE THAT YOU'RE AN ANGEL 990 00:40:10,909 --> 00:40:14,209 IN DISGUISE 991 00:40:14,245 --> 00:40:16,845 COME TAKE MY HAND 992 00:40:16,882 --> 00:40:21,192 AND TOGETHER WE WILL RISE 993 00:40:21,219 --> 00:40:23,859 ON THE WINGS OF LOVE 994 00:40:23,889 --> 00:40:26,689 UP AND ABOVE THE CLOUDS 995 00:40:26,725 --> 00:40:30,755 THE ONLY WAY TO FLY 996 00:40:30,796 --> 00:40:32,226 - HEY, CRAIG. 997 00:40:32,263 --> 00:40:35,033 CAN WE JUST GO BACK INSIDE, MAN? 998 00:40:35,066 --> 00:40:37,596 ALL THAT BUCKLING AND FASTENING REALLY WORE ME OUT. 999 00:40:37,636 --> 00:40:40,606 - LOOK AT THAT THING DOWN THERE, SCOTTY. 1000 00:40:40,639 --> 00:40:43,039 ALMOST SEVEN BILLION PEOPLE ON THAT THING-- 1001 00:40:43,074 --> 00:40:44,814 SEVEN BILLION. 1002 00:40:44,843 --> 00:40:47,183 AND YOU KNOW WHAT? 1003 00:40:47,212 --> 00:40:48,882 SOME OF THEM ARE SKANKS. 1004 00:40:48,914 --> 00:40:50,524 - JANINE. 1005 00:40:50,549 --> 00:40:53,149 - AND SOME OF THEM ARE SAINTS. 1006 00:40:53,184 --> 00:40:55,594 - HERE YOU GO. 1007 00:40:55,621 --> 00:40:58,221 - I'M CRAZY ABOUT YOU, BABY 1008 00:40:58,256 --> 00:40:59,216 - NO WAY. 1009 00:40:59,257 --> 00:41:02,157 ARE YOU SERIOUSLY GIVING ME ANOTHER TICKET? 1010 00:41:02,193 --> 00:41:04,263 DO YOU JUST, LIKE, NOT SEE THIS? 1011 00:41:04,295 --> 00:41:05,495 I'M A PREGNANT WOMAN! 1012 00:41:05,531 --> 00:41:08,971 I'M A PREGNANT WOMAN WHO IS HELPING OUT A HOMELESS PERSON! 1013 00:41:09,000 --> 00:41:12,170 - ON THE WINGS OF LOVE 1014 00:41:12,203 --> 00:41:13,913 - SOME OF THEM ARE LOST, 1015 00:41:13,939 --> 00:41:18,239 AND SOME ARE DISCOVERING THINGS FOR THE VERY FIST TIME. 1016 00:41:18,276 --> 00:41:20,176 - WHAT'S WRONG? 1017 00:41:20,211 --> 00:41:23,151 - MY SHOE'S UNTIED. 1018 00:41:23,181 --> 00:41:24,751 - OKAY. 1019 00:41:24,783 --> 00:41:26,083 - ON THE WINGS OF LOVE 1020 00:41:26,117 --> 00:41:27,947 - SOME ARE AFRAID, 1021 00:41:27,986 --> 00:41:30,586 AND SOME ARE HAPPIER THAN THEY'VE EVER BEEN. 1022 00:41:30,622 --> 00:41:35,232 - SEE, THIS IS WHY I DIDN'T WANT HER TO BE GODMOTHER. 1023 00:41:35,260 --> 00:41:37,230 - FLYING HIGH 1024 00:41:37,262 --> 00:41:41,532 - UPON THE WINGS OF LOVE 1025 00:41:41,567 --> 00:41:43,537 - BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY, 1026 00:41:43,569 --> 00:41:46,299 52% OF THEM ARE WOMEN. 1027 00:41:46,337 --> 00:41:48,607 AND THE CHANCES THAT ONE OF THOSE WOMEN 1028 00:41:48,640 --> 00:41:50,140 WANTS TO HAVE SEX WITH AN ASTRONAUT 1029 00:41:50,175 --> 00:41:52,135 ARE PRETTY DAMN GOOD... - [chuckles] 1030 00:41:52,177 --> 00:41:54,777 - WHICH IS GREAT NEWS FOR YOU, MY MAN, 1031 00:41:54,813 --> 00:41:58,153 BECAUSE YOU'RE COLONEL SCOTT BOWERS-- 1032 00:41:58,183 --> 00:42:01,993 ASTRONAUT. 1033 00:42:02,020 --> 00:42:07,590 - TOGETHER FLYING HIGH 1034 00:42:07,626 --> 00:42:10,596 FLYING HIGH 1035 00:42:10,629 --> 00:42:13,259 UPON THE WINGS OF LOVE 1036 00:42:13,298 --> 00:42:15,868 LA LA LA LA LA 1037 00:42:15,901 --> 00:42:19,101 LA LA LA LA LA 1038 00:42:19,137 --> 00:42:20,737 THE WINGS OF LOVE 1039 00:42:20,772 --> 00:42:22,272 LA LA LA LA LA 1040 00:42:22,307 --> 00:42:26,907 - NOOO! 1041 00:42:26,945 --> 00:42:28,675 THE WINGS OF LOVE 73047

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