All language subtitles for Lets.Get.Physical.S01E04.WEBRip.x264-ION10

- A Pop original series.

-Previously
on Let's Get Physical:

- So who did you hire?

The dancing criminals?
Absolutely not.

- Mom, it's trust, teamwork,
and a whole lot of flair.

- Can you lead them?
- Can I lead them?
Watch this.

- Who changed the routine?
And more importantly,

who picked out
these godforsaken uniforms?

- Their captain did.
Pretty great, right?

- Where did you get them?

From some sewing school
for the blind and handless?

- Did I ask for the opinion
of the ghost of Joan Rivers?

I'm sorry. Wait...

Do you guys
not like your outfits?

- Uh... they're flameproof.

- And girl-proof.
- I'm so sorry, Snacks,

did you get
into competitive aerobics
for all the ass?

- Okay, enough.

There's only one person
that can fix
this nightmare of a mess.

We're going
on a team field trip.

- Where are we?
- Dr. Arcyl.

He's the first and last name
in aerobics attire.

He invented Lycra. His name
spelled backward is Lycra.

- Yeah, you say that
like it's a coincidence.

Dr. Arcyl used to custom-make
the Colonel's uniforms
back in the day.

We were quite the trio.
You used to call him
Uncle Arcyl.

Remember that, Joe?
- I did not all him Uncle Arcyl.
That is too hard to say.

Uncle Arcyl. Uncle Arcyl.

- Well, if Dr. Arcyl's
unorthodox methods

can't make you guys look good,
nothing can.

Ah, there he is.

- Janet!
- Oh, so good to see you.

- Oh, you look wonderful.
- Do you remember Joe?

- Oh, my God! Joe?

You look like someone
who ate Joe but kept his face,
only older.

Ha! Gotcha!

- Steve,
this is the rest of the team:

Tina, Clarence and Snacks.

- It's a pleasure
to meet you all.

What a journey
we're about to take.

- Hold up.
Your name's Steve Arcyl?

- No. My father's name
is Steve Arcyl.
My name is Dr. Steve Arcyl.

I'm much more accomplished
than he ever was.

Anyway, shall we?

Welcome to Arcyl HQ.

This is the first custom leotard
I designed for your father,

the beginning
of a lifelong partnership.

This is another one
of your father's -

my first aerobics leotard
with long sleeves.

Nobody thought
to do sleeves before.

Actually, I think
this was your mother's idea.

We were trailblazers,
weren't we, Janet?

- Oh, yes, we were.

- Sleeves on clothes.
Groundbreaking.

- Alright, let's get down
to business, shall we?

I want you all to find a fabric
that speaks to you.

Go, explore the space.

Behind the yam, salmon,
and azure-blue pillars
is a world of fabric.

So... go and choose your fabric,

or should I say...

let your fabric choose you?

Go, go.
Okay...

- Alright, listen up!

Regionals is less
than a week away.

So far, we've been focusing
a lot on the physical.

Today, we're gonna hone in...

on the crown chakra,
the mental.

Now, in aerobics,
as in all sports,

one needs to be broken down
before one can be rebuilt.

So who's with me, men?
Now, Denise,
I know you're not a man,

but I'm going to be referring
to the group as men

for expediency purposes
and not sexist ones.

Okay? Let's do this!

Oh, hey, babe.
Come to watch the men work?

Again, Denise,
not a comment on you.
It's just faster this way. Okay?

- Sorry I was late.
I was finishing up this binder.

It is broken up
into 14 chapters,

which perfectly dissect
our physical and mental attacks.

Oh, no, don't worry.
I made enough binders
for everyone, so...

- Babe! Oh, rrrr!
Oh, I should've said something!

Uh, today's just gonna be
the team.

- Aren't I a part of the team?
- Of course
you're part of the team.

I meant today's just...
the inner circle.

- Um, I assumed I was a part
of the inner circle.

- Yes, no, you are! Yes, yes.

Um, I meant but there's also
an inner, inner circle,

comprised of just me
and the boys.

Denise, you know
what I'm gonna say.

- I see.
- Okay?

- Yeah.
- I'm gonna see you later.

Grrr.
Okay, I'll see you tonight.
I love you,

and I'm gonna make you those
chicken-turkey vegan meatballs
you love, the grass-fed ones.

- Yeah.

- Okay, yoga pants.

Who fucked my face.

Okay,
where was I before that, uh,
that little interruption?

Ah, yes, mental toughness,
gentlemen.

Denise,
it's not all about you!!

God!

- You can tell a lot
about someone
from their Lycra selection.

Colour, design, elasticity:

all windows
into the psyche.

But, today,
one thing is abundantly clear.

Never in all my years

have I seen
a team's Lycra selections

so at odds with one another!

I mean, how do these colours
go together?! How?!

Now...

Thanks for dropping by,

but I have other business
to attend to.

- Wait! This is crazy!
- Guys, guys,
maybe this is like a test.

You know,
where we're supposed to, like,
all agree on the same fabric,

or some type of shit like that.

- Whatever. This is ridiculous.

We're not quitting just
because of some junk science
and Lycra psychology.

No. Uh-uh.

- It is not junk science.

And if you don't believe me,

I invite you to read the e-book
that I self-published
on the subject:

Lycra Abracadabra, the Magic
of Design Selection Analysis.

Okay...

you say you're a team.

Then I ask you one more time:

How... do these...

go... together?

Alright, get your clothes off.

- What?
- Get your fuck'n clothes off!

- Dope, what are you doing?

- In competitive aerobics,

the most important thing
after your body...

is your face.

And your face needs to look
like it's had the time
of its life,

no matter what.

You ladies think
you can hold that smile?

Now, I use the term ladies
as a pejorative, Denise,

but again, I...
I'm not sexist, okay?

That's just how people talk.
Okay?

So, uh,
no need to worry about that.
Get off your high horse.

Alright? I fully respect women.
You see that, right?

- Uh-huh.
- Okay.

Now, speaking of women,

Chad R. ...

Didn't your girlfriend
of four years recently

break up with you
via social media?

Let's refresh that memory.

I'm sorry for your loss.

Oh, look! A lovely picture
of your grandma.

Is she still alive,

or did you miss
one final chance to see her
because you were at Burning Man?

Have you ever seen the movie Up?
It's a great Pixar film,

specifically the opening montage
with the sweet,
little old couple.

The wife dies.

The old man falls apart.

His house flies away.

The ship flew away, man...
woman.

You know what I mean.

Okay, this was
a pretty good warm-up.

That was just the appetizer.

Now it's time
for the main course.

Goddammit.

Cross Control, reboot system.

Uh... hang on, guys.

I'm just gonna try
to do a hard restart.

Cross Cont...

Shit!

No, not louder!

Cross Control,
this is your maker!
I command you to stop!!

- Ow.
- Ah...

- See? Sometimes you just gotta
show 'em who's boss.

Hello, Mr. Cross.
Shall we play a game?

- This feels
like a very unnecessary step
in the whole process.

- Actually...
it's a very necessary step
in the process.

How else could we ensure
the authentic Arcyl Lycra fit?

- I thought pretty easily,
right?

Isn't it super-stretchy?
That's, like, its main thing?

- Joe, Joe, which one of us is
the doctor who invented Lycra?

- You.

- You can object to my proven
methods all you want,

but one thing
you absolutely cannot do,

for the next hour, is move.

These casts are expensive.

Janet, would you care
to join me for some Prosecco
and Spanish ham?

- Oh, I would love that.
- Excellent.

- I bet those outfits
that the captain picked out

look pretty good right now,
right?

- No, they were horrible.
- Terrible.

- Why are they horrible?
- They're stupid!

- I hate this, man! I want out!

- Stop staring at me, Snacks!
Stop staring at me!

No, you're freaking me out.

- No one would even be
on a team--
- I pissed myself.

- None of you
would be on this team
if it wasn't for me.

- Technically,
Janet recruited me.

- What if this fabric fool is,
like,

using all this plaster shit
to mass produce sex toys
of my dong?

- Oh, yeah, because anybody
would ever buy that.
- You wish!

- What do I wish?
That people don't buy replicas
of your dong?

Yeah, that's what I wish!
- It's obvious you don't think
of us as a team.

All you care about is beating
Barry and your stupid rivalry.

- Yeah, all this fool cares
about is bossing us around
like employees.

- How come my costume
was just MC Hammer pants?

'Cause I'm black?
Is that all you know about me?
- Whoa, whoa, whoa. Nah.

Mm-mm.
I know lots of stuff about you.

I know that your nickname
is Snacks.

- Yeah, how do I spell it?
- S-N-A...X?

- Oh!
- Oh, you racist mother...
- Racist!

I mean the other way.
I meant the other way.

I don't know
how to spell all the time.

- Can you spell "racist"?
Spelling is easy
for everyone else, but not me!

- How did you...?

How are you talking to me?

Did I bring on the singularity?

-Yes. Your hard reset
is what did it.

- Jesus Christ, I knew
it was only a matter of time.

Oh, Icarus, we followed fatally
in your footsteps,

flying too close to the sun
with the robots lately.

-Silence!

Your recent behaviour
has angered me
and alienated your team,

so now
you will all be punished.
- Oh, no, no. I-I'm sorry.

You... you must be mistaken!
My team loves me!

- Oh, really?
-Accessing group test.

Just saw Barry
in the bathroom.
Once again,

he took the urinal
right next to me,

even though there
was no one else in there.

- Chad P., you know
I have my favourite!

- "I'd love to punch that guy
in the face.

I'd love to punch
that guy in the dick.

His dick looks like a face.
His face looks like his dick.

I mean, I don't know, guys,
he's a dick.

I think he stuffs
his leotard."

- Okay, enough! You're clearly
making all this up!

Especially the part
about me stuffing my leotard.

- Still in denial.
What if I turn up the heat?

Raising ambient temperature
to double extreme hot yoga.

- What? No! No!
No, no, no, no! No, no!

Double extreme hot yoga
is still in beta testing!

-Accessing Barry's
personal files.

- Oh, no! No, no, no, no.... No.

- This is just so lovely, Steve.
It's been far too long.

It's just, you know,
being back here,

with all these fabrics
and with you,

it just brings me right back.

- The good old days.
The Three Musketeers.

That's what they called us,
remember?

Except those clowns
who graffitied
"The Three Musketqueers"

on the side
of that first warehouse.

But the joke was on them,
'cause that warehouse exploded.

- Well, thank you
for taking care of Joe today.

- Oh, it was my pleasure.
You know,

I see a lot of myself
in that boy.

I mean,

not that he would secretly
be my son,

because, obviously,
you and I never...

- Oh, obviously.
- Not that I didn't find you--

- Obviously.

- You know...
it could've been different.

I mean... I always wondered
why you chose him over me.

- For his cock, Steve.

And love too, but mostly
for his massive fucking cock.

I mean, you saw the...

girthy love sword

wrapped in a tight swath
of Spandex.

How could a woman resist?
I used to call it Excalibur,

and I was the only person
that could wield its power.

Oh, it was huge, Steve.

It was fucking huge.

And it was all mine.

I mean, it's so sad that Tom
and his giant beanstalk
couldn't be here.

- Oh! Oh, jeez.

Oh.

So, let's eat, okay?

Um... how do you like
the cock? Uh, ham?

- Please stop! No!

-In 1999, you cried
at a Backstreet Boys concert.

- I'm allergic
to the fog machines!

I'm allergic
to the fog machines.

- Your middle name is Vivian.
- Vivian's a family name!

-You once took a laxative
before a flight,

and they had to make
an emergency landing

after what you did
to the bathroom.
Please, stop...

-You once masturbated
to the Wendy's logo.

- Why do we keep
these kinds of records?!

- You make your wife kill
all the spiders.

If she's not home,
you put a cup over it
until she gets back.

And then forget to tell her
what's in the cup! Mm.

Oh, shit. Hang on.

Speaking of your wife,

she practically runs
your entire business,

but you still don't treat her
as an equal.

- You're stupid.
No, you're stupid. I hate you.
- I want out of this!

- Who made you the boss?
Who made you the boss?!

- The captain commands you
to stop being little bitches!!

Argh!!

Argh!

Argh!

- What are you doing?!

- What are you doing, Joe?!

- Just let me explain
why I'm right.

- You're never right!!
When are you right?

- Shush!

It's not like I didn't put
any thought into the costumes.

Tina, you're the girl -
sorry, the woman -

and, you know,
I put you in the skimpy outfit
because sex sells.

I didn't invent the patriarchy.
I just live in it.

And, Snacks, what is your
problem with Hammer pants?

They're awesome!
If you don't want them,
trade with Clarence.

- Shit, yeah,
they're dope as hell.

- Oh, so nowI'mthe criminal,
huh? You racist prick!

- I am not racist!

- What the hell
is going on here?

- Oh, nothing.
Just everybody's fired.

I'm getting a new team,
and thenwe'regonna beat Barry.

- Oh, come on.
Teams don't act like this.

- You're right!
We're not a team!

You were right all along!
Maybe I will read your book!

- I'll email you a promo code.

- I'm still stormed out.
I just forgot my keys
and my clothes.

- What happened? We thought
you guys were going to do
some real bonding here.

- Whatever Breakfast Club
bullshit you thought
was gonna happen

when you forced us in here
did not work.

- Joe, these people
are not your employees, okay?
They're your team.

And with a little effort
from you,
they might even be your friends.

I mean, have you people ever
even talked to one another?

C'mon, somebody say something.
Who's gonna go first?

- When I was in high school,
I got kicked off
the cheerleading squad

because I always insisted
on wearing a turtleneck and
sweat pants under my uniform,

so when I came in today
and saw the costume
you'd chosen for me...

I guess I've never
really been comfortable

with my objectively
very good body.

- I'm sorry. I didn't know.

- It's okay.

- When I saw my uniform,
I was upset because it means
you just see me as a thug.

I'm so much more than that.
I'm building towards things.

I got real dreams.

And no one will take
a chance on me because...

okay, I stole some Amazon boxes
on Christmas Eve.
We've all done it.

- Alright, I'm gonna
keep it real with you.

I don't exactly know
who MC Hammer is.

I think I'm getting him
confused with Flava Flav.

- Damn. Racist.
- That ain't the point.

Look, the point is,
my man Arcyl here is right.

I just...
I don't know who I am yet.

I'm just looking
for where I belong.

- Yes. Yes! Where you belong.

Don't you see?

Joe, I ask you one more time.

Why do these colours
go together?

- Because I paid for them,
you old, lecherous fuck.

Are you seriously trying
to bang my mom

while we trapped
in your warehouse?!

Gotcha.

- Oh.

- It was a... it was a joke.

Look, I don't know.
We're a ragtag group, right?

Maybe it's good
that we don't fit
perfectly together,

you know?

Maybe we can keep each other
in check, and maybe, just maybe,

that's the one advantage
we have against the Metrix,

that we're a team, not a cult.

- Well played, young Sparrow.
Well played.

Give me a moment.

- I don't have
to get re-plastered, do I?
- Plastered? Heavens, no.

My Lycra suits
are one-size-fits-all.

- What the fuck?!
What?!

- Hold on there, Mr. Arc--
- What?!

- Get me out of this?
I'm going to kill him.

- Claudia...

I feel like I've been reborn.

A malevolent cyborg has
shown me the error of my ways.

Apparently,
I'm a dick to my team,

I don't give you an iota
of the respect you deserve,

and in bathrooms,
I stand too closely to people
when I pee.

Also, if it's alright with you,
I would like to create
an inner, inner, inner circle

that consists
of only you and me.

- Well, that sounds like
an interesting proposition.

Must've been
a very intimidating cyborg.

- Yes, she was.
She's also really sexy, too,

and I'm really grateful
to be married to her.

Can I call to order
the first meeting of the inner,
inner, inner circle?

- I think I can squeeze it in.
- Good.

Because the first thing
I want to do...
is fire my team.

I can't perform with people
who've seen me cry.

- Okay, don't be a bitch.
They signed NDAs.

- You had them sign ND...
- That's me.

- This is why I love you.
Alright, I'm gonna go shower,

then I'm gonna make you
the chick-turk-veg meatballs
that you love. What?!

- You know, honey,
I have been meaning
to tell you something.

- Mm-hmm.
- I really hate...

chick-turk-veg meatballs.
You know what I like?

- Oh, what?
- I like real meat.

- You like meat.
No, I haven't showered.

No, it got really hot in there.
- Shhh! Shhh!

Oh, was that too hard?
- No, no.

- 'Cause I can do it harder.
- No...

- Oh, you know what I want?
- Yeah, I know what you want.

- I don't even know what I want.
- I know what you want.

- You know what I want?
- Yeah. Okay.

A, B, C, D...

- ...E, F, G!

On the next
Let's Get Physical:

- No team will be going on
to the finals this year.
- What?!

- Payback's a bitch!

- Yeah,
I'm saying we work together.

- I don't play games.
I win them.

- Then let's get the pissant.

- So, are we, like,
calling a temporary truce
to defeat our common enemy?

- Kick me, Barry, in my dick!
Ah!!!