All language subtitles for Lets.Get.Physical.S01E03.WEBRip.x264-ION10

- A Pop original series.

Previously on
Let's Get Physical:

- That's how we win Dad's money,
with unexpected dancers
like those two.

- Please, Mr. Cross,
don't cut me.

- Looking for dancers!

I'm going to the Metrix
to steal some of
Barry's dancers.

I know you're not
a Metrix robot. Why
don't you dance for us?

- If we don't get this loan,

we can't pay our team
and they're going to quit.

- Well, this has been
our family bank
since you were in diapers.

Just don't say a word,
and... don't look so sweaty.

- I can't help it.

I get nervous
in banks and schools.

So many papers, so many rules.

- I don't even know
where to start.

There are small children
with more credit history
than you.

Have you ever had
a checking account,

a salary of any kind,

a phone bill?

- I'm a performer.
I live off of tips,

and a complex bartering system

with my fellow
service-industry colleagues.

And I buy my cellphones
at gas stations,

because they have great deals
and, uh, sandwiches.

- How is my financial standing?

- It's worse than your son's.

You already have
a business loan,

and multiple lines of credit

that your husband
stopped paying off years ago.

- I want to see the skeletons
in your closet!

- Back in the '90s, I, uh...

I tried to start a lingerie line
for the military wives.

It was called
Classified Secrets,

and these would be
the business plans,

and some photos of me
that you might not want to see.

- Yeah, you can burn that.
Just burn it and shred it.

Shred it, then burn it.

I don't want to see it.

- Okay.

I'm only a banker,
not a therapist.

We can't give you
a business loan,

and because you've been
overdrawn for months,

I'm forced -
sorry for that choice of word -

to close your accounts.

But first we'll need
to clear out

your husband's
safety deposit box.

- Excuse me?

- I didn't realize that he had
a safety deposit box.

- The Fitness King
has got to work!

What's up, Juan?
I come bearing samples!

Who wants cramp bark?
It's the shit!

- Mr. Cross is here. BRB.

And don't touch anything.

- Peekaboo. Holy shit, Carol,
you are lean and mean!

Here's a free pass
to Kettle Bell Hell.

Keep it going, girl!

Gopher!

Dylan, you sonofabitch.
- Hey.

- Pushing too many pencils,
Dylan?

Okay, okay!

- Hey!
- Verrrrronica!

Congrats on beating
your attendants' record.

You and I are gonna
be bumping bits later, huh?

- Mr. Cross!
- Naughty girl.

I just gave you 20 Met coins
for the juice bar.

Do you smell stewed tomatoes?

Smells like ketchup
and desperation.

Ah, is that Puffy Joe Force?
You know they don't have
Coin Star at the bank, right?

- Actually, uh,
the reason we're here

is because my dad left us
something very important

in a safe deposit box.

We're gonna go get that now.

- What's in the box?

- The beginning... of what?

What is this?
- Film.

- Janet, Joe, what's in the box?

Hi. Seriously,
what's in the box?

- Don't worry about it, Barry.
- Oh, come on, give me
a little peekaboo.

Uh, what is it? You know what?
I'll tell you
how to shed your chin fat.

Is it fitness memorabilia?
Jane Fonda's leg-warmers?
What is i? Show me.

- Barry, darling,
these are priceless
family artifacts,

and none of your business,
so if you don't mind,

would you kindly put your fist
in your mouth
and run into a wall?

- Good one, J-Rock.
Yeah, go fist your mouth.

- What's in the box?

- Come on! Start the car!
Start the car! Start the car!

- Come on, what's in the box?!
Show me what's in the box!

Show me what's in the box!
Show me!!

- Ah!!

- Welcome
to your first staff meeting.

Now, if anyone speaks,
I have given her permission
to hurt you.

- Wait a second.
You have a scrappy street kid,
an ex-con,

and a big, beautiful warrior,
and for the enforcer,
you pick the girl?

Ah!

Okay, I see your point.

- Every day at 9 a.m.
there will be team practice.

No absences, no excuses.

Regionals
are only two weeks away,

and we need to perfect
our routine.

Once we place in regionals,

we will go on
to the aerobics finals.

Then we will only have one month
in which to prepare

all-new routines.
Am I understood?

- Hell ya.

Um, I'm gonna need
every Tuesday off.

Got this regular paying
Craigslist gig.

The guy pays me a cool hundo
every week.

What? It ain't like that.
He just gets me to dress up

in a Little League uniform
and...

play catch with him
in the park.

- Oh, my God.
- I need money, okay?

Janet's up here
talking about routines.

We haven't even gotten
a paycheque yet.

- Confiscate
his drug paraphernalia.

- No, no, no, no.
That's my ice-cream cake vape.

I need that so I don't smoke
weed up in here.

Fine! I don't even want it.

I'll just go back to eating
gummy-bear edibles.

That's all I can afford.

- Okay, everybody,
let's just calm down.

The colonel has left us
a little gift

that's probably worth something.

All we gotta do is figure out
what's on these and...

No. And then find out a way
to sell them.

Uh-uh.
And then we all get paid.

- Don't let
those little darlings

get dirty
whilst you examine them.

- Just...

- Oh. Barry, why aren't you
practicing with your team?

Barry,
what the hell's going on?

- What's in the box?

Oh, my God...

Uh, what box?

- The colonel left Joe
a safety deposit box.
What's in it?

Never-before-seen
aerobics moves?

Training techniques
they can use to defeat us?

- Woosa...

give me that.

Do you remember
your rivalry with Billy Blanks?

- Yes, yes.
I created Wooey Cross

to outsell
his stupid Tae Bo DVDs.

I moved to Thailand to train
with a kickboxing master.

- Who ended up
being a crazy old man

who got you hooked on betel nut
and made you clean his shack
for six months.

Do you remember
what happened then?

- I drifted from shanty town
to shanty town,

stowed away on a pirate vessel.

I did things I'm not proud of.

Survived on papaya rinds
and rainwater.

- Do you remember
what happened then?

- You rented a helicopter
and rescued me.

- You have hyper-competitive
personality disorder.

It's my job to protect you
from yourself.

Brush your teeth,
go find your team,

and I will head over
to Fitness by Force.

- No! I've got a better idea.

I'll find my team,
then brush my teeth.

You head over
to Fitness By Force.

Together, we're invincible!

- Okay.

Oh, God.

- What are we looking for again?
- A projector,

so we can watch those reels.

- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hey, look.

I know the Force is our fam
and everything now, but...

I don't think we can rely
on 'em for a payday.

- Facts. Alright, we need
to run a side hustle

out the gift shop
so we can make some extra chips.

- Maybe something like this?

- Colonel Force's Health
and Fitness Inventions?

What do we got here?

- Hey, check it out.
Give it a jack,

it'll kill your plaque.

It's a shaky, shaky brush.
Shaky, shaky, brush, brush.

- No, no, no, no, like this!

The Snacks Compactor. Oh!

And it ain't stealing
if he's dead, right?

- That's how I got
my first pager.

- Exactly.
So I'll make it and you hype it.

50/50. Huh?

Ah!

- Hey, check it out.
It's my dick.

Now I'm humping cavities.

Humping cavities in the butt!

Ya! Ya! Take that! Ha-ha.

I'll put it away.

- Is that a bloody gash?

- It looks like some kind
of surgery.

Was the colonel a doctor too?

- Kind of.

When he was in the military,

he spent a decade
doing creepy science experiments

on the human body,
and then once...

Holy shit.
- What?

- Oh, I know what this is!

Of course!

My dad had this crazy theory.

If you did the right kind
of movements,

then it would improve
your... like, inner system.

- So the reels are...?

- The beginning of aerobics!

- This could be worth
a lot of money.

- Yeah!

- Aerobics is the cornerstone
of the entire fitness industry!

- Ah, that's how we sell it.
A piece of history.

- We should auction it off
to the G8.

- You really think
a tomato-juice company's
gonna want to buy this? Come on.

- No, dummy, the G8 are the top
eight national gym franchises.
- Oh.

- Yoo-hoo!

I want to make a deal.

You need money
for so many reasons,

and I need my husband
to stop obsessing

over what's in that box,
so it's a win/win.

- Well, Claudia, if you'd like
to purchase these items,

then you can bid on them
at our auction with the G8.

- Wait,
what if we sell right now?
- No. Shut up.

- Okay.

- This is bigger
than the Metrix.

- Joe, just take the offer.
You don't want
to play hardball with me.

- Hardball, foosball,
platform diving - name it.

I'll take you
and your husband down.

- Okay, um, breathing room.

You do realize
she's highly unstable.

- This is between you two
right now.

- Well, you can keep your pet.
We have plenty of them
at our gym.

- I guess we'll see you
at the auction.

- Really happy we fired you.

- Guess we're having an auction.

- Welcome, gym owners,
to the Force Fitness
special auction.

Our presentation,
the Beginning of Aerobics,

will start in one minute.

- Mom! Stop!

Not in front
of the other gym owners.

- I can't believe it,
but I think I'm actually proud
of you.

- Aw--
- No.

Heh-heh.
Enough, enough.

You're sweating on my perfume.

So break a leg today, darling.

The theatrical break,
not the drunken
stage-fall break.

- Stop!

- Alright, baby,
time for the grand opening.

Yeah, baby, come on. Alright,
hocus-pocus, come on now.

- Snack, snack, snack, snack!
Everybody! Ooh!

- Bros.

- We call it
the Snacks Compactor. Yeah.

- Featuring Clarence.

- Bros, you all gotta try this!

Mm!

- Somebody say make money,
money, make money, money, money!

- Make money, money, money!
Make money, money!

- Come on,
can I get you a Snacks bar?
We have vanilla...

- Attention, gym owners.
Please take your seats

for a special presentation
of our auction items.

The Beginning of Aerobics.

- We had a better set designer
on our sex tapes.

- In the beginning,
there were smokers and fatties.

Then one man changed everything,

and that man
was Colonel Tom Force.

- Before Joe's dad
became a fitness guru,

he spent over a decade
doing all these fancy
science experiments

on astronaut lungs
and military hearts.

- It's like a community-theatre
production in a halfway house.

- And even though the Colonel's
workouts were backed
by research,

U.S. soldiers didn't like them,
because they said
they were too feminine.

Oh, he don't know.

- But my father did not give up.
Instead, he turned his focus
on the American public.

He used his research to create
and publish his first book,

Aerobics with Force.

- And along came
a graduate dance student
named Jackie Sorenson.

- Tina looks too happy.
Have our members

flood her social media
with unflattering emojis.

- She read the colonel's book,

combined his exercises
with her love of music,

and aerobics as we know it
was born.

- Under the guidance
of the colonel,

Jackie taught aerobics
to the military wives,

and they freaking loved it.

So aerobics fever spread

from the military bases
to the community centres.

- Then a woman named Jane Fonda

built an all-female aerobics gym
in Los Angeles.

She was approached
by a producer,

and together they created
the first home-fitness video,

and a billion-dollar industry
was born.

- It looks like the colonel
was forced out of that deal! Ya!

- Ladies and gentlemen
of the G8,

today you have a chance
to buy a piece of history
never before seen by the public.

I present to you
The Beginning of Aerobics!

The footage
that launched a movement,

the research
that built an industry.

- Yeah!

- Alright!
- Whoo!

- The bidding
will commence momentarily.

- Oh...

- Oh! Mm!
- Mm. Thanks.

Hey, you can't be back here.

- Oh, mm, well, here we are.

I'm impressed, GI-Joe.

You managed to bring all the top
gym chains under one roof.

Wouldn't it be a shame
if these powerful franchises
found out that your father

put up $8 million
to the winning gym
of this year's aerobics finals?

Honey, what do you suppose
they would do if they found out?

- I think they'd probably
create super teams

with their top members
and then crush you.

- That's what I would do.
That's what we're doing.

- Yeah, but if there's more
people in the competition,

then it's harder for you
to win our money.

- I'll tell you what.

I'll give you a dollar
for what's in the box,

or I will blow
your $8-million secret.

- Looks like you've been
blowing squid.

- Excuse me!
I have some big news to share.

- Sold! To the Metrix
for an undisclosed amount.

- What?!

- Yeah, it was one dollar. Ha!
Suck it, G8!

- Yeah, it was one dollar. Ha!
- One dollar?!
Suck it, G8!
This is bul BLEEP!

- One dollar?!
This is bull shit!

- Wait!

- Wait!

- Good luck explaining this one.

- You sold all of our hard work
and your dad's legacy

for one dollar?

- Guys, being a business owner
is very complicated.

There are a lot of moving parts.
Back me up on this, Mom. No?

Okay, fine.
You want to know the real truth?

When my dad died,
he also left us--

- A huge mess, and we're
dealing with it privately.

No, the reason
that we only fetched a dollar
for the footage

is that one of you
had an assault charge.

Oh, dear,
you're all delinquents.

Well, this time,
it would be you, Tina.

She choked Barry,
and he was gonna
throw the book at her,

so we had to sell to him.

Otherwise, she would've
been disqualified
or even arrested.

- I'm so sorry, everyone,
for letting you down.

It just felt so good to watch
the air leave Barry's body.

- Well, you're with
Fitness by Force now,
and we take care of our own.

But, of course, the bad news is,
we can't pay you just yet.

- Oh, my man.

- It is upsetting
how easily you can lie, Mom.
They deserve to know the truth.

- Do you really think I'm going
to let you give away my money?

- If it were your money,
you'd have it right now.

Can I borrow 20 bucks for gas?

- Honey, sit down.

It took an entire day
to find someone

who can convert these files
to video.

$5000 later--

- Money is no object, my queen.

This could be a game-changer
for the Metrix.

We could create super-humans
for the NFL, the military,
Dancing With the Stars!

-Here we are,
the beginning of a new era.

This is the game-changer.

- Maybe the colonel was creating
super-athlete mutants.

He's like the original
Professor Xavier.

-Okay, Janet...

- That's... that's the mother.
-Eyes on target,

deep breath.

Our son is almost here.

- No, no! No! NO!
- Oh! Okay.

-Deliver the payload.
-I hate you!

- Oh, t-t-turn it off!

These files cost a lot of money
to convert.

You know, Sloppy Joe
is gonna pay for this!

- I will go, because I want you
to stay out of jail.

- What am I supposed to do?

- Keep bouncing.

Everything you touch
falls apart, literally.

You're like a contagious virus.

The airborne patient zero
of clusterfucks.

- Yeah, but how do I turn
that skill into money?

- The footage of your birth.

- The beginning.
Oh, the beginning of my life!

Right.

Oh, that means... Ah...

You saw my mom's vagina. Oh!

Oh, it's been a week.

- These are the video files
we had converted for $5000.

We're gonna need
to be paid back.

- I have one dollar to my name,
and you know
where that came from.

- Hand it over.

- Okay.

Cha-ching.

- Nice doing business with you,
Mr. Force.

- Business.

Oh, holy shit
Hey, Claudia?

Wait, wait, wait! Claudia!
I have an idea.

- Oh, I already don't like it.

- If the Metrix wins
the aerobics finals,

then you win $8 million.
- Correct.

- But if I win, you get nothing.

- Also correct,
but highly improbable.

- Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
What if I could guarantee

that you walk away with
$4 million, no matter what?

You and me.

Business partners.

I will sell you half
of Fitness by Force

for... 50 grand.

- Why would I do that?

- Because you can't pass up
a good deal.

Four million on 50 grand.

That's like...
hedging your bets.

- And a live audience
does have a soft spot
for a loveable underdog loser.

But as much as I'd like
to take advantage of you--
- Please do.

- Financially--
- Anytime.
- It's not gonna happen.

- Just let me know.
- Physically that won't happen.
- Okay.

Just let me know.
- Please stop.

You're right.

That's a calculated risk
the Metrix
could definitely take.

- Oh, whoa, no.
Not the Metrix, just you.

This is a secret deal
between you and I.

- Well, the Metrix,
Barry and I are a unit.

- For now.

- Oh, I see what this is. No.

- No, Claudia.
Barry is unravelling.

You will lose.

If you help me out right now,

I swear I will never tell
another soul.

And then you won't be
responsible for my sad,

slow, eventual death
at a Mexican-Irish dive bar.

- Stop that.
I already hate the part of me
that feels bad for you.

- If you help me out right now,
I promise I will leave you
alone for... a while.

-Okay, Janet.

Deep breath.
Our son is...

Oh, I got the cheques,
I got the cheques,

I got the cheques. Yeah!

I got the cheques!

- Are you gonna tell us
how you got this money?

- Come on,
we're Fitness by Force.

We take care of our own, huh?
Alright, let's go practice.

- I gotta admit, Joe,
I really didn't think
you'd come through on this.

- Oh, thank you.
- Speaking of coming through,

my man, your birth was...
something to behold.

- We're not gonna speak
of that again, okay?

Let's practice.

- Yeah. Let's do it to it.

Ice-cream cake vape,
where are you at, baby? Huh?

Vape pen, vape pen.

Ah, boomshalaka, there you are.

-Alright, Joseph,
you sit right there.

Are you ready, son?

This is a never-before-seen
aerobics move

that I want to share with you.

I call it the F16 Tomcat.

Someday it will be all yours.

- That shit's for real.

-And that's how it's done,
my boy.

- Guys!!
Come back now!!

On the next
Let's Get Physical:

- Dr. Arnold, he's
the first and last name
in aerobics attire.

He invented lycra.

- This feels like a very
unnecessary step
in the whole process.

- Which one of us is the doctor
who invented lycra?

- You...

- Goddammit.
-Hello, Mr. Cross.
Shall we play a game?