All language subtitles for Lets.Get.Physical.S01E02.WEBRip.x264-ION10

- A Pop
Original Series.

- Previously,
on Let's Get Physical.

- I'm donating your
eight million dollar
inheritance to the

winning gym of the Competitive
Aerobics Championship.

- What?

- Our bodies our temples.

- My body's a dive bar.

- You're saying your
gym can beat my gym?

- It's time for a rematch.

- The Craigslist ad is
live, we're going to be

swimming in spandex women.

To the best friends a
guy could ever have.

I could not have taken
on Barry without you.

To staying positive and

- Testing negative!

- Who wants a whiskey shot?

Whisky shot, whiskey shot,

whiskey, whiskey, whiskey.

Bar car, enhance drunk times.

Whiskey body please, thank you.

You're so great bar
car, you're the best

you have the best.

I bet Barry doesn't
have a bar car,

probably has a kale
car, or protein mobile.

Oh, I know.

- End sleep cycle.

Hello, who is this,
it's 3:00 a.m.

- Yeah this is Gary
Maldinado from the

local national observer.

Do you care to comment
on the recent murder?

- What, who got murdered?

- You did bitch in
front of your minions,

Joe Force is back!

- You have left me quite a task.

Hard to believe that our
son has gone even dumber.

Do you remember
when we first met,

oh I was just a young Brit,
poised to win my first

international
beauty competition.

When a young strapping left
handed knocked on my door.

You told me what Mary
Kate Murray had done,

to make up for that appalling
copacabana dance she did

you know with the
ridiculous fruity hat.

Did we panic?

No.

No, we fell in love.

Trying to find another
way to win, we always won.

We were a team, we
did it together,

I was a young girl
full of dreams.

But when they placed
that tiara on my head,

I became a woman with a vision.

Do any of you remember what
happened after 3:00 a.m.?

Now I'm sure you all
have a lot of questions

twirling in your minds.

Did last nights celebration
turn into an orgy,

with your best friends mother?

When Joseph finds out do
you think he might want to

murder you all with
a cinder block?

Or is today the day the guns
fun movie officially breaks up?

The odds to do all three
is a resounding yes.

Well I'm going to make sure
that Joseph fulfills his destiny

as head of the family and I
am not going to let any of you

disgusting freeloaders
get in his way.

By the way, you came too quick.

You were limp, until Scout
took his clothes off,

and you have an innie penis,

and none of you made
me squeal so I suggest

you all leave quickly,
quicker than you came.

- Uh Clarence, Snacks,
that was fantastic.

Sorry about the music,
my band was supposed

to be here but
they're running late.

- They're running alright.

- You guys seem
like a real team,

how long you been together?

- Uh, we met out
in the parking lot.

- Wow that is impressive.

I'd love to see you in some
spandex and show you some moves.

- You better slow down
because you can't hire them

until we've reviewed
their applications.

Clarence Carter,
age 30-ish, email

ihadfiveonitindoweed@clarence69m

Oh it says here that your
last employment was as a

line cook at the Norfolk
Institution for Men.

- That's right ma'am I did a
short stint for check fraud

okay, but ever since
then I've been a

law abiding Craig head.

- Ex con and a drug
addict, you may go.

- No mom, Craig head,
it's Craigslist,

found our ad on Craigslist.

Uh yeah, it's fine.

Snacks, you only
wrote down Snacks.

- When I was just a little man,

you know my mom couldn't
afford a sitter,

you know what I'm saying,
so she used to leave me in a

room with a bowl of water on
the floor and a box of snacks.

- Oh my, that's so
horrible, I'm so sorry.

- I'm playin'
with you man, come on man.

I robbed my high school snack
shop, you know what I'm sayin'

started my own mobile shop
baby, self made, come on.

- Well you can leave now
and make sure you don't

steal anything on your way out.

- Oh, hold up, hold up.

Let me popcorn shrimp
this for you real quick.

- Excuse me, you're
going to what?

- Explain myself lady.

Look Metrix is handing out
a month long membership

to every dancer in town.

Now Snacks and I, we're pretty
much a package deal right.

- Fact.

- So, not only we the
best dancers you're
going to see today

we are probably the only dancers
you're going to see today.

- Well let me give you a
kernel of popcorn shrimp,

Fitness by Force has never
hired criminals for their team

and we're not
about to start now,

so I suggest you leave now.

- What are you doing?

If we hire them, we'd be one
girl short of a full team.

- Well once I
assemble a team that

is not comprised of delinquents,

we're going to have
to train everyday and

we're going to have to start
crafting a press campaign

that supports your comeback.

- Approaching this
like a stupid pageant

is exactly how we lose.

Didn't you witness my
comeback last night?

That was amazing and unexpected.

And that's how we
win dad's money,

with unexpected
dancers like those two.

- When your father was
coaching our teams,

they were training
a year in advance.

Now, regionals is
only a month away and

I need aerobic
athletes to coach.

- Oh, you're never going to
be the coach of this team.

The mascot maybe, the Jumping
Janet, or the Raging Queen.

- Nope I am not your help or
your mascot I am your mother,

and your coach,
where are you going?

- I'm going to find out where
my band is drinking and then

I'm going to the Metrix to
steal some of Barry's dancers,

cause screw him.

- Remember my fellow aerobians,
there is no judgment here.

Don't do that, don't do that.

We breathe as one,
we work as one.

That's amazing-ly
annoying to look at.

- Eliminated,
please go home.

- Eliminated,
dimples uneven.

- No, please Mr.
Cross don't cut me.

I've wanted this my whole life.

- We just started
the team last night.

- Okay I wanted this
since last night.

- Aerobics judges look
for symmetry not this

Picasso thing you got going
on here, respectfully.

Alright, rhythmic monkey
claps, five, six, seven, eight.

Clap clap, clap clap
clap, clap clap, up.

- This place is
packed for tryouts.

- They can't use everyone,

we'll just wait for a
good reject, like me.

Bingo, a crying
girl, my specialty.

Only one person can make
someone cry like this.

Barry Cross, trust me.

- Dear, what happened?

- He said my
dimples were uneven.

- Honey I used to compete in
pageants and I can tell you

without a doubt that your
smile would win them all.

Unless of course I was
competing, in which case,

runner-up is nothing
to be ashamed of.

- Hey your crying, which
means you have emotions.

So I know you're
not a Metrix robot.

Why don't you dance for us?

- She can't, she works for us.

- Oh what are you worried about?

You think my son's too fat
and lazy to win anyway.

- I'm not..

I'm chubby and tired.

- How can you be sweating
just standing there?

- I'm wearing a jean jacket.

- Why don't you come
and dance for us,

we will offer you a
salary, stock options...

- Uh no, everyone who tried out
with us signed a non-compete

clause so no one here can
legally dance with you.

You should go get ready
for your shift, shoo shoo.

- Look you can keep your
pretty little internet minions,

but every great dancer
was once an underdog

that needed to be discovered.

- Great, why don't you go
discover someone else to harass.

- Come on mom.

I'm so glad we broke up.

- Bye!

- My lioness.

- I love watching you
track and hunt our prey,

it gets me so turned on.

- Well the last one to
the office, is the bottom.

- Oh no, my shoes are
untied I have to run slowly

cause I'm going to be a bottom
when I have sex with my wife.

- Hey Joe, it's Scout.

Me and the band
got your messages

sorry we've been ghosting you.

As you probably know,
we were on our way back

to McDappy's when your
mom told us what happened.

We just couldn't believe it,

we even pulled out
to figure it out.

I smelled Rick's dick,
Rick smelled my dick,

then Andre smelled both of
our dicks, and we smelled his.

Uh, it got real confusing
so we just went to IHOP.

Anyway, I guess what I'm trying
to say is we think we all

banged your mom and we're sorry
that we're mother (beep)ers.

- You fucked my band?

The whole band?

Andre, Rick and Gout?

His name is Gout.

- Oh yes, I remember Gout.

He was very aggressive.

- Do you know what they've
done on Kid Rock cruises?

- I had to get
rid of them so you

could focus on
winning our money.

- Mom, you don't have to fuck
people to get rid of them.

- Oh, well, with
those buffoons around,

there was no way in the world
you were ever going to win.

- I already am a winner.

- Well, here's another
way of looking at it.

Are you?

- I swear that by the
time this is over,

I will return our
family to glory again.

- Great.

So you can be in
charge of glory,

and I will assemble the team

and I will coach
them to victory.

- Why?

So you can bang them too?

No, no, no, no.

I will assemble the team, and
I will coach us to victory.

- You can't even
assemble a sandwich.

- You watch, by
the end of today,

I will have assembled a team

and they will be eating
sandwiches, that I made.

Whoa.

Looking for dancers.

Do you dance?

Do you want to dance?
- Go away.

- No, okay.

Maybe somebody else will.

Oh, do you dance?

- Huh?

- No, no.

- You don't have to wad it up.

- I want
Navy Seal knees.

And Jane Fonda arms.

I want fab foxy hands.

And Richard Simmons ass.

- Hey, want a beef stick?

- Eww.
- No,

I want you to dance
for a beef stick,

like an actual beef stick.

Okay, fine.

Are you dancers?

Do you dance?

Ah!
- Get lost, buddy.

- Ah, come on, just say no.

- The movie is called
"Perfect" for a reason.

Become one with these Jamie
Lee Curtis pelvic thrusts.

- Looking for dancers.

Do you dance?

Hey, I'm talking to you.

- Feel that control.

Feel that raw sexuality.

- Here you go, sonny.

- Hey baby, you dance?

- Good natural
intracellular viscosity.

Just a second, Babe.

I'm just finishing
up a jiggle test.

Very little rippling.

Very good, Okay.

I'm going to review
your soft spots report,

and I'll have an answer
for you in the morning.

Thank you very much.

- You have

perfect breasts and
a perfect buttocks.

- She is perfect
for mixed pairs.

Baby, how is it that
you can finish a class,

and still smell even
better than you did before?

I mean, your sexy
sweat pheromones have

my alfa wolf senses
jacked to the max.

That's a fucking great
name for a supplement.

Alfa Wolf Max.

Let's write that down.

You see, this rivalry with Joe

has my primal instincts renewed.

What's the matter?

Something's wrong.

My instincts tell me
something's wrong.

I'm an intuitive man,
something's wrong.

Oh, wait a minute.

Honey, we haven't done
our DOD boards today.

I'm so sorry, I--

- No, no.

It's not about that.

- That's what it is.

- No.
- I'm an idiot.

I've been so up in my own head.

Okay, Cross Control, pull up
our Devotion of the Day boards.

- Devotion of the Day.

- Look into your partner's eyes,

and share what
scares you the most.

Ready?

One, two, three.

Simple sugars.
- Being replaced.

- Wait, what?

- Yeah, you wouldn't get it.

Um, I'm going to
go take a shower.

Alone.

Why don't you keep
jiggle testing?

- You smell good.

- What are you doing here?

- I just wanted to meet
the team you assembled

and give them my blessing.

- Ah, well.

They're out on a 5K run.

Coaches orders.

- Oh, so your training meal-plan

is feed them fast
food after the run?

- Yup.

It's a new weight loss
technique from Iceland.

It's all the rage.

Fine, there's no team.

- So, are you ready
for some help?

- Yeah.

- Good, well then, come with me.

I need to show you something.

- Can I eat?

- No.

- Well, I'm definitely
going to change.

Come on, I'm hungry.

- I told you.

Come on.

- Oh, thank you, Mary.

Oh, just such wonderful service.

That's why I always
love coming here.

- Whatever, lady.

- Is this what you
wanted to show me?

Booze-less coffee
and a dying waitress?

- Do you know who
that waitress is?

- Don't tell me
that's my real mother.

- Good god, no.

My hips ache every time I
look at your swollen ham head.

No, no, that was my old
rival, my buried cross.

Her name is Mary Kate Murray.

- Mom, what did you do to her?

- Cut her brake lines, spent
two months in the hospital.

- And now you come
here in a disguise

and make her serve
you fruit cups?

Mom, that's horrible.

- Unlike this cantaloupe,
victory has no expiration date.

I mean, look at her, that's
what losing looks like.

And this is what
winning tastes like.

- See that bitch over there?

She comes in here once a week
in that Audrey Hepburn get up

and she thinks I
don't recognize her.

And every week I hock a loogie
in her goddamn cantaloupe.

- Ugh.

- I get it, I will
work with you.

But I will never forgive you
for sleeping with my band.

- Oh, Joseph, you've
got so much to learn.

Did you think that
I cut her brakes,

do you think that I had carnal
knowledge with your band

or do you think that those

were all lies for
the greater purpose?

- Are you saying that you
didn't have sex with my band?

- Yes, Joseph, that's
exactly what I'm saying.

- I so want to be
mad at you now,

but I can't because
I'm impressed.

- We're going to
be a team together,

we need to trust
each other, hmm?

No more lies.

- Fine, okay, you find a girl,
I'll get two more dancers

and then we'll meet back
at Fitness by Force.

- Did you really
believe that your band

would nail your mommy?

- Are you kidding, they'd
get into a fist fight

for a back alley
blowjob from Mary.

- We now have finalists
in every category.

Miner's team.

Finalists for the trios.

I, of course, will crush Fat Joe

in the individual's competition.

Now the only other category

that's set in stone
is mixed pairs.

- Oh, I'm flattered.

That would be a lot of
fun actually

but you need to
focus on winning,

and I will focus
on managing, okay?

- Like that sexy
Gerard Butler movie,

you run the empire
while I go off to war.

- Yeah.

- You think they CGI'd his abs?

- Oh, definitely,
those are not real.

- Yeah, just think,
you just go to the gym,

do the work, but no.

- Cross Control,
foreplay of the day.

- Foreplay of the day.

- That's not a program.

- Beta testing.

Log data.

Look into your partner's eyes,
and verbally arouse them.

- I want to snort
branched chain amino acids

off your gluteus maximus
and blow on your love bean.

- I want to, I want to pluck
out your mustache hairs

and choke you out
with my thighs.

- I ....

I want to ....

bench press your toned body

and play Beethoven's
Fifth on your pubic patch.

- Oh my god, baby.

I want to suck your eyeballs out

and spit them into a
fucking dirty martini.

Data log complete, I got to go.

- Suck my eyeballs out,
that would kill me.

- Good Tina, so I want
you to start today.

- Perfect.
- Good.

- The crying car girl?

- Her name is Tina, and
I just hired her to be

our new office manager and
your mixed pairs partner.

- Oh, what about the
non-compete clause?

- After I got cut, I
kind of freaked out

and choked Mr.
Cross in his office.

I have a bit of a temper,
usually I have it under control.

But stress and
emotional situations

can trigger another
Tina, a darker Tina.

- I like you.

- But then he fired
me and wiped away

all of my records
from the metrics.

- So, who did you hire?

- Joe motherfucking Force.

- The dancing criminals,
absolutely not.

- Oh, so Snack stole
some candy bars

and he can't be
apart of the team.

But you cut a woman's
brakes and that's okay?

Mom, we're all criminals.

- Hey, hey, hey, check
it out Judge Moody,

after you kicked us out
we spent an entire day

watching aerobics
videos on YouTube.

- Research!
- Research!

- They worked, mom.

- Hi, I'm Geff with a
G, and I'm stepping hot

for the Myrtle Beach per minute.

I like tight clothes
and fast cars.

- I'm Larry from Las
Vegas Legwarmers,

I like slots by day
and squats by night.

- Let me try.

Hi, I'm Tina and I have
hairless rescue cat

and I've only had
two sexual partners.

- Damn it, Tina, you're
making me look bad.

Are we really going
to rely on that?

- Hey mom, it's trust, teamwork
and a whole lot of flare.

- Fine, they can join the team.

But can you lead them?

- Can I lead
them, watch this.

Ready, guys?
- Yeah.

- What's that?
- Hell yeah.

- Here we go, and five,
six, seven, eight.

Fist pump, fist
pump, jumping jacks,

grave vine to the right,
jump, grape vine to the left,

jump and twist and ribs.

All right, let's try that
again, are you ready?

- Yes.

- Here we go, and five,
six, seven, eight.

- On the
next Let's Get Physical.

- My dad left us something
in a safe deposit box.

What is this?

- What's in the box?

- You don't want to
play hardball with me.

- Hardball, foosball.

- If I could guarantee
that you walk away

with four million
dollars, no matter what.

- No, no.

- The never before seen aerobics
move that I want to share.

- Yes!

- Grandma's House