Original subtitles

So what did you decide, Philip?

Are you gonna watch the basketball game

or are you gonna watch that new movie

that'd be 10 times better

if they had cast me to star in it

instead of that young floozy

with a empty head and full brassiere?

Well, if I go to the game,

then I'll probably see spoilers about the movie,

then it's ruined, but if I go to the movie,

like, what if the game goes into triple overtime

and it's game of the year?

So, basically, whatever I decide,

I'll regret.

Philip, dear, whatever feelings of regret you have

about the choice you make tonight,

trust me, by the time you get to my age,

it won't even make your list of top 100 regrets.

Wait, wait, wait. What's your biggest regret?

Oh, that's easy, moving into this dump.

Oh, shots fired.

I'm kidding, dear.

This place has grown on me,

kinda like that itchy bump that Ricardo gave me.

Oh, you know what? That's really my biggest regret,

sleeping with Ricardo.

Whoa, WTMI, way too much information.

And now that we're sharing, Philip,

what is your biggest regret?

My biggest regret is asking what yours was.

You know what? Scratch all that Ricardo thing.

Lord knows I did a lot.

My biggest regret

is actually not getting my college diploma.

Party too much and flunked out?

No, to the contrary,

I made the Dean's list all four years.

Then what happened?

Hollywood happened.

I was just two weeks away

from finishing my final class,

and I got a call from my agent

about this big audition.

So I packed my suitcases,

hitchhiked west, and the rest is history.

Oh, I wouldn't say that's a regret.

I mean, people go to college to learn how to make money,

while you were making way more money

than all your professors combined.

Perhaps, but my dear mother was so disappointed.

I mean, she had high hopes

that I would be the first person in our family

to graduate from college.

And she never forgave me.

I mean, it's not too late to go back.

Oh, darling, I'd love to,

but I'm afraid my time machine is on the fritz.

No, I mean go to a local community college

and transfer the units.

That's... Ah, no, it's been too long.

A diploma is a diploma.

And nowhere on it does it say how long it took you to get it.

That's true.

There's already a name for people

that take extra time to graduate.

They're called super seniors.

You know what, Philip?

You can call me a super senior citizen

because Anastasia Deveraux is going back to college!

♪ No matter what you do, I love you ♪

♪ No matter where you go, I'm behind you for sure ♪

♪ Always remember, blood ain't never water ♪

♪ We'll make it if we stay together ♪

Welcome, everyone,

to the first annual Walk-a-Thon for Charity Challenge.

I just wanna thank you guys for your kindness and generosity,

and volunteering your time and effort on today.

Okay, wait a minute, and, look,

I wanna let y'all know it gonna be no half-step

'cause Pleasurable Years Assisted Living Facility

across the street, they challenged us.

Now, the first facility to walk the most miles win.

And we gotta beat them bums.

By "bums," you mean

those people that have a jacuzzi in every bathroom.

If you want bubbles in your water,

make your own jacuzzi.

All right, gentlemen,

everyone will be wearing these fitness trackers.

These will sense every motion that you take

and also send every step that you walk

to the Walk-a-Thon app.

Okay, now, before we get to that,

- this is very important. - Okay.

I'm gonna have to teach y'all how to walk, right?

What rubbish.

I been walking since I was a baby.

And you been walking wrong!

Walking around here all hard

like Godzilla on a building.

Wrong.

He got you there, Efe.

And you too!

Booty just tight like you just duct taped together.

You been walking wrong too. Yes.

He's very stiff.

Yes, he's so stiff.

What is wrong with...

Cora, Cora, I'ma show y'all.

If we gonna learn how to do this,

you gotta learn how to walk right.

Now watch and learn how to walk.

Walk.

You gotta really walk it, walk it.

See that? Mr. Brown,

you look like you want to make pee-pee.

Yeah, I'm not walking like that!

Hard pass for me, Mr. Brown, hard pass.

Y'all don't worry about Mr. Brown.

You don't have to walk any special way.

Mr. Brown, why would you say something like that?

Look, no pressure, guys.

All you have to do-- here in this neighborhood,

all of this is just for charity, okay, for charity!

And bragging rights.

Cora, if we gonna win,

these fellas have got to learn how to walk fast.

Whoa, whoa, what do you mean "these fellas"? What about you?

I ain't walking nowhere.

Why not?

'Cause if I'm walking, who gonna be on the sideline,

yelling encouraging words to y'all?

Walk, walk.

No, uh-uh, who gonna be doing that?

Are y'all gonna yell them to each other?

No, 'cause you gonna be tired.

Cora, where's the chair with the umbrella?

I gotta get under there.

Look, look at this useless man.

Ain't nobody useless.

Walk it like I talk it. Walk it.

Walk.

Mr. Brown, what are you doing?

Untighten your butt.

These are my volunteers. What are you doing?

Ain't no volunteers. Stop walking so hard.

You gonna tear up our floor.

They are our volunteers!

You messing up everything, Mr. Brown.

- Cora, you walk. - No, I am...

You need to walk too, Cora.

- You need to walk too. What? - Cora.

I was looking under your bed.

What about under my bed?

You had snacks. You need to walk.

Come on.

Mr. Brown, that is not the way to do it.

I'm walking, but I'm not in this.

This is for men!

Oh, Ms. Anastasia.

How was your first day at school?

It was absolutely, positively,

the worst day of my entire life!

Wait, what happened?

First, I got totally lost on campus

and then I couldn't find my class.

They didn't give you a map?

Not one that I can use.

Instead of a normal map

that's printed out on paper, that works,

they gave me some stupid digital thing

that I had to download or somehow access online.

Dang, so you never even made it to your class.

Well, actually, I did

because when this damsel finds herself

in a stressful situation,

I rely on something

that can get me out of any situation.

Right, your brainpower.

No, silly.

My feminine wiles.

So I just hike up my dress

and show a little calf,

like this,

and then I put my hand to my forehead like this,

and I give a little pouting face like this.

And, uh, and that worked?

Did it work?

Three husky sophomores

offered to show me to my class

in under 10 seconds.

You know, the next time you in a jam,

you have to try it.

Somehow I don't think that will work for me.

But once you got to class, everything was good, right?

I was even more lost.

The syllabus, all the assignments,

the homework, and even the textbook,

are all online.

Well, maybe you should go to your professor's office hours.

They are all online too.

And to speak to her,

you have to schedule a video chat.

Wow.

Well, um, do you know how to, um, like,

use a email?

Of course I have email.

I just don't remember my password.

Oh, well, that's not a big problem.

No, it isn't

because, you know, I don't need email.

I don't need a digital map. I don't need on online textbook.

I don't need anything related to that class,

for that matter, because I quit!

Wait, wait, wait. Ms. Anastasia!

You should have seen me sitting there

while all those young whippersnappers

were learning and answering the professor's questions,

and I sat there, completely lost,

like Boo Boo the Fool.

But you're not a fool, far from it.

I have a new biggest lifetime regret now.

And that's thinking that it was a good idea

to go back to college! I'm done, Philip!

I'm so excited. This is so good.

Oh, my goodness.

Hey, hey, Mr. Efe.

Hey, Ms. Cora.

I just went to the store to get some water.

You know, I had to make sure y'all stay hydrated.

It's so important since y'all doing all this walking.

Okay, I'm not thirsty.

But that was very thoughtful of you, Ms. Cora.

Well, it's the least that I could do.

You know, I been tracking you guys

on the Walk-a-Thon app,

and you guys have been-- ooh, you killing it out there!

You know I'm so proud of y'all putting in all this effort.

- This for a good cause! - Yeah.

All this walking y'all doing.

Yes, I don't know what to say.

Well, what are you doing inside? You had to use the restroom?

No. Yes.

The restroom. That's a good idea.

- I have to use the restroom. - Okay.

What has gotten into him?

Oh, hello, Cora.

Hey, Mr. Reginald. Um,

did you forget about the Walk-a-Thon outside?

It's going on out there.

No, I did not.

So what are you doing on the couch?

Sitting. You should try it sometime.

Well, um, you know, I been tracking you guys

on the Walk-a-Thon app, and, you know, it's saying

that you are moving, but my eyes clearly see

that you're sitting on the sofa.

Yes, well, you might wanna talk

about that with the IT department.

IT department?

Oh, my God. Mr. Brown!

I cannot believe you!

What? Believe that I'm so smart?

Cora, I surprise myself sometimes,

all the stuff I be coming up with.

I said, "How did I come up with that?"

Well, Cora, look, let me show you what I did.

So, right here, whenever the fans go back and forth,

it count as a step, Cora.

Can you believe that? Look.

This is the breeze of victory.

No, that's the breeze of cheating.

You know what, Mr. Brown, I cannot believe this.

What are you doing?

I'm stopping this foolishness that you done,

and I'm going on the Walk-a-Thon app

and I'm gonna cancel all those ill-gotten miles

that y'all didn't walk!

Cora, what have I ever done to you?

You raised me right.

That's what you done, Mr. Brown.

I cannot believe you. How could you cheat

on the Walk-a-Thon Charity, Mr. Brown?

And all those people at the church

who donated and sponsored us,

and you gonna do stuff like this.

God don't like ugly. God don't like ugly.

God don't like ugly, Mr. Brown.

The assisted living facility always beating

the brakes off of us! I gotta win!

Well, if you gonna do something, do it the right way!

Cora, I would do it the right way

if my walkers weren't so lazy.

What?

We didn't get a half-block down the street

before Efe say, "It's too hot in here."

I said, "Why it's too hot? You from Africa."

It don't get no hotter than that.

And then, Reggie, he talking about,

"The sweat keep coming down my eyes. It's getting in my eyes."

Wipe your eyes.

Wipe your eyes! That's all you got to do!

Mr. Brown, I mean, if your front door was squeaking,

what would you do?

I'd use the back door, Cora.

No!

Mr. Brown, you would grease the hinges.

Okay, Cora, you talking about greasing the hinges.

We talking about Walking-Thon.

Mr. Brown, you was talking

about all the complaining and fussing that they was doing.

Come up with a remedy. Come up with a remedy.

You mean to come up with something

where they won't complain?

- Yes. - Okay, well...

Mr. Brown, look.

Any true soldier will go into battle with his soldiers.

So you want me to walk?

Yes, that's what I want you to do.

That's what you should do!

- Oh! - Oh!

Cora, I ain't finna be doing no walking.

Do you know how hot it is out there?

I can't get no blacker. My next stage is blue, Cora.

I can't do that.

Mr. Brown, you could walk with them.

The sweat get in your eyes.

What kind of example is that?

A good example. I'm the smart one.

I ain't wanna get musty, Cora.

And it took me a lot of effort to go up in the attic,

and get them fans, and come back down here,

plug all that up, and you just ungrateful.

What?

Hey, Ms. Anastasia.

I was hoping I could talk to you for a second.

Philip, I appreciate your concern.

But I had a wonderful life in Hollywood.

And I wouldn't trade it in for anything,

not even a college degree.

So I'm perfectly content without one.

Oh, no, sorry, I wasn't coming to try to convince you

to go back to school.

I actually wanted to ask you for a favor.

Oh, what is it?

Can you teach me how to use something?

Sure.

I found this in a cupboard upstairs

and looks pretty cool,

but I don't really know what it is.

Wow, I haven't seen one of these in years.

This is cross-stitch.

I mean, you could make a beautiful embroidery

with a needle and thread.

Cross-stitch used to be all the rage.

So you can show me how to use it?

Yeah, come, come sit.

First, you have to thread the needle.

Now that's probably something you never done before, so...

But it gets easy once you get the hang of it.

Mm.

Do you think I'm dumb because I don't know how to use it?

Heavens, no.

You didn't grow up doing this sort of thing,

so how could you possibly know how?

Exactly.

Exactly, what?

That's exactly how technology is.

I mean, me and college students today,

we grew up with online maps

and everything being online.

But you didn't,

so you shouldn't feel embarrassed or dumb or whatever

just because you don't know how to do something.

See, I don't know what this is at...

Ow.

I don't know how to use this

and now I think I need stitches.

You're perfectly fine.

You're quite clever, aren't you?

I try.

So if I show you how to do this,

you'll coach me up on my computer skills.

Actually, I'm not really interested in cross-stitching.

What?

So you tricked me

into going back to school.

Why, Philip!

What? No.

Okay, a little.

Oh, my goodness, come here.

Take a deep breath.

Close one eye.

And then you gonna gently poke it through.

Here, you try.

- Okay, fine. - You little trickster, you.

All right, guys, you looking great!

Come on, guys! Come on, men! You got it!

It's too hot to keep walking.

It's way too hot!

That's why we walking inside, 'cause of you,

with the air conditioner.

Oh, I gotta stop! The sweat is dripping in my eyes.

There ain't no sweat dripping in your eyes.

That's why I got you that headband

that's soaking it up like a biscuit.

Come on, guy, come on, guys, move, move.

Keep it going, keep it going, come on.

Come on, move, move!

How we doing? How we doing? How we doing?

Okay, Mr. Brown. All right, all right.

According to the Walk-a-Thon app,

you guys have walked 15 miles!

Ain't that great!

Are we beating them across the street?

According to Pleasurable Years across the street,

they walked 15 miles too, Mr. Brown.

But that's one more minute until the Walk-a-Thon is over,

so y'all pick up the pace!

- Pick up the pace! - Pick it up!

I'm out!

Pick up the pace! - You can't quit!

I can and I did.

I'm too tired. I'm too old for this, tired.

And you quitting too?

Mr. Brown, everything has an end.

Except for sausage, which technically has two.

You know what? I can do this myself.

- I'll finish it myself. - Come on, Mr. Brown.

Come on, you can do it. You can do it.

Look at him go!

Look like he trying to catch something.

The only thing he going to catch is a heart attack.

Come on, Mr. Brown, that's a five,

four, three, two, one!

Oh, that's a wrap, Mr. Brown. That's a wrap.

Oh, my God, that is so good.

- Oh, my God! - I can't feel my legs.

You'll be all right, Mr. Brown. You'll be all right.

Oh, that is so good.

Cora, did we win?

You should be proud of yourself!

All right, look at you!

- Cora. I can't feel my legs. - Yes.

Oh, that's all right, Mr. Brown.

- It's for a good cause. - Did we win?

Yes, y'all won, Mr. Brown! You won!

Hallelujah.

Did we beat them across the street?

Yeah, that don't matter, Mr. Brown.

Yes, it do.

Mr. Brown, look, y'all have raised

a whole lot of money for charity.

Oh, this is wonderful!

You know what? Come on, guys, come on.

Come on, I got refreshments for y'all over here.

Come on, let's celebrate.

- I can't move. - What is it? What?

I'm crampting up.

- You cramping up? - I'm crampting up.

Well, let me get you a water.

Cora, I think I'm catching a Charlie's horse.

Okay, hold on, let me get you some water.

My asthma.

Where's your inhaler?

Wait a minute, you spilling water all over me.

Wait! What the...

So you gonna put me on with that class

I was talking about, right?

Oh, Philip, you're such a player.

Out of all the red carpet gowns,

fantastical movie costumes,

and countless wedding gowns,

I have to say,

this is the best outfit I've ever worn.

Congratulations, Ms. Anastasia.

I mean, you finished college and got your degree.

I know my mother is smiling down on me

after all this time.

I did it, Mom!

Yeah, I bet she's super proud.

I mean, my mom's proud of me when I clean my room, so...

Philip, thank you for your help

and for reminding me of a very valuable lesson.

It's never too late to follow your dreams.

Oh. Ooh, look who's popular.

Oh, my.

Oh, speaking of which,

I just got a call from some nice college boys

that have invited me to a post-graduation party.

So I am going to be chasing my dreams

around the frat house.

Don't wait up.

I's a college graduate now, Philip!

Coming, boys!

Can you bring a plus-one?