Original subtitles

Mm-hmm, your mother must be comin' to town.

Why do you say that?

'Cause that's the only time you ever really clean.

I clean up around here all the time.

Boy, movin' somethin' from one place to another

'cause it's in the way is not cleanin'.

Oh cool, Grandma must be comin' to visit.

Why do you say that?

'Cause that's the only time you ever really clean.

I clean up around this house all the time,

I don't know what y'all talkin' about.

Yeah, sure.

Look, I get it.

Grandma's always super hard on you.

She's tough on everybody.

I heard that.

Yeah?

It's called respect.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T.

Somethin' your generation don't know nothin' about.

Yeah, Dad, it's called fear. F-E-A-R.

Forget everything and run.

Look, that's normally the plan when Grandma comes.

I don't fear my mother.

I respect her.

Yeah.

How long is she stayin'?

I'm not sure babe, but she'll be here soon.

So excited. She's always so nice to me.

That makes one of us. One.

So, you excited she comin'?

Over the moon.

Your mama always think she runnin' stuff, honey.

I'm the queen of this castle.

Your mama not gonna come in here tellin' me what to do this time.

Yo mama's been tryin' to tell me what to do for 20 years.

She don't know you my husband?

Yo mama is not my mama!

Is that yo mama?

...

Ma!

Mama. Hey, Ma.

We didn't even hear you come in. How you doin'?

All right.

Hey, Ma!

Don't you touch me.

Hey, Miss Mary?

Mrs. Washington.

You know, the last time you told me...

Call me Mrs. Washington.

Grandma!

Hey, Philip. Look at my baby.

It's nice to know that somebody's happy to see me.

Look at my baby. You are so beautiful.

You don't look like either one of them.

My gosh, you look so grown!

So...

So, Ma...

Let me show you our home.

Come on.

Home?

This looks like a...

A facility.

I mean, I guess it kinda is.

Come on, let me, let me show you around.

What? What queen?

Queen of the castle.

So yeah, this is the kitchen.

This is much smaller than you described.

You feel a whole facility from this little place?

I mean, it's really not that bad.

Let me show you the living room.

♪ No matter what you do, I love you ♪

♪ No matter where you go, I'm behind you for sure ♪

♪ Always remember Blood aint never water *

♪ We'll make it if we stay together ♪

So, this is our cozy living room.

People love it here.

Yup. And we love them.

Great group of people.

This looks like somethin' Vincent would be behind.

Oh, there's my grandson.

Hey, baby. How are you?

How you doin' in school?

I'm good, and, and great. I'm gettin' A's and B's.

You must get that from your grandmother.

I think the smart gene skipped over your father.

My dad's smart, don't say that.

Oh, you wasn't born when he was bringin' home

those D's and F's on his report card.

So, don't you let him be too hard on you.

Thanks, Grandma.

D, D's and F's, Dad?

It was the old math, son.

Old math?

Must have been old math, old history,

old science, old English.

Old recess.

You even got a F in recess.

- Oh, hey! - Hey.

Oh, just in time.

So, this is Mr. Brown and his daughter, Cora.

They help us run this place.

This is my mom, Mary Allis.

Oh, nice to meet you!

Hey, any family of Jeremy's is a family of mine.

Yes, oh, stay as long as you like.

Yes, stay long as you like.

My caso, mu casa.

Yeah.

No thank you.

I'll be staying someplace else.

What?

Where you stayin'?

At the nice hotel across the street.

When I learned that Vincent had somethin' to do with this place,

I booked elsewhere immediately.

No, you can't stay. You stayin' here.

Oh, you couldn't pay me to stay here.

And, and why is that?

Because I have class.

- Mm. - Right, look.

We actually put a lot of hard work,

and it took a lot of time

to get this place to where it is, Mom.

And money.

You lost a real job,

then moved in with your deadbeat grandfather.

Oh, that's somethin' to be proud of.

She goin' straight for the drug-ular.

Excuse me, Mary Allan...

That's Mary Allis.

You so small to have such a big altitude.

Do these people stay here?

- "These people"? - "These people"?

Oh, he done killed another one!

How is it that the black people always immediately get killed?

The movie just started, all of 'em dead!

That is how you know this is an unrealistic movie.

The black people would have been

the first people out of the bush!

I ain't never going into the bush.

Look at that.

So, what you guys watchin'?

Dead People in the Woods: Part Six.

Ooh, I heard part five was super scary.

Yeah, all the black people got killed in the previews.

They ain't even make it to the big screen.

Another one that got killed.

Philip, did you finish your homework?

No, it's not due for another hour.

Well, I think you should go finish it now.

Oh my gosh, leave me alone!

What?! Leave you alone?!

It's a prank! It's a prank!

Wait, it was a prank! It was just a prank!

It was a prank!

What kinda prank is that?!

One that could get somebody injured!

Get somebody injured!

That is what I said.

Everybody's doing it at school, it's hilarious!

Oh my God, you got up off that couch!

That don't mean it's funny!

What y'all up to?

Oh, nothin' much!

Ooh, Philip!

You should go do your home... You finish your homework?

No, it's not due for another hour.

Oh, I think you should go and do it now.

Dang, leave me alone!

Who you talkin' to?!

Wait, wait! It's a joke!

Who are you talkin' to?!

It's a joke, it's a joke.

It ain't no joke!

They got you talkin' like that?!

It was a prank, Cora!

She almost killed you, Philip!

It is not funny now!

- They got you, Cora. - It's a harmless...

That is not funny, Mr. Brown!

I don't agree with that! Don't play like that!

It's a harmless prank, and it's hilarious when

you do it to the right person.

Y'all kids are ruthless.

What y'all need is a good Bible study.

You, you right. A Bible, amen!

Get yo mind on Jesus!

Mr. Brown, listen.

It was just harmless fun, okay?

It ain't, no on that Tik-Tik, doin' all them Tik-Tik dances.

Mr. Brown, look, this is just harmless fun.

It ain't no harmless.

My daddy woulda beat me back to Birmingham, Alabama.

Y'all need to stop. Stay off that thing.

- We're gonna do my dad next. - No, see, no, see...

No, see, no, no, y'all need to stop playin' like that.

We got to!

Y'all gonna cause some major problems,

I'm tellin' y'all!

Y'all go ahead and get your daddy.

I'mma be right there, I'mma be right there to video.

Oh yes, good, Mr. Brown!

My video will go virus.

Y'all gonna' get somebody hurt. That is not funny.

- Cora, we sorry! - Got my nerves all bad!

Cora, we sorry! It was just a joke!

She gon' go get some pie.

Well, you go get it, Mr. Brown.

When I get nervous, I just start eatin'.

And I see stuff like that, that ain't funny to me!

Okay!

How dare y'all gonna do somethin' like that!

Oh, it was so funny!

Cora...

Lord have mercy! I can't, I can't-- See I can't--

You can't get it out!

I can't get, no!

I got work to do!

That's what y'all need, to go to work!

Philip, we got 'em! We got 'em!

We got 'em.

So, how long is she gonna be here?

She's my mom, babe. As long as she wants.

Three days max.

Come on, now. She's not that bad.

Three days, okay?

She's been disrespectin' us since she walked in the door.

Disrespect who? She didn't disrespect nobody.

She said you lost your job

and moved in with your deadbeat granddaddy.

Come on now, you know she didn't mean nothin' by that.

She meant everything she said, Jeremy!

I was taught if you don't have nothin' nice to say,

don't say nothin' at all.

But you, my dear husband, keep letting it happen.

All right, we can agree that

my mama's a little rough around the edges, but...

You know, all right.

I won't let her disrespect us no more.

You serious?

Yeah, I got this. Relax.

I got this. Come on, now.

You know, this is my house.

You know, she have to respect me, all right?

Let your boo handle this.

Okay.

'Cause you know I don't play. All right?

- All right. - This, this is my castle.

This is Jeremy's castle.

Okay, baby. We'll see.

Luckiest son in the world to have a mother like you.

Sounds like you were talkin' about me again.

No, no!

No, we was talkin' about the bugs in Georgia,

you know, they, they real disrespectful.

Are you callin' me a bug?

Hey, Mrs. Washington.

Call me Mary Allis.

You just told me to call you...

Call me Mary Allis.

Yes.

How, how long will you be visitin' us?

You ready for me to leave?

Nope. Mm-mm.

Never mind.

I'mma go check on the laundry.

You talk to your mama.

Trouble in paradise?

Yes, actually. And you causin' it.

You better remember that I'm your mother.

I know, Mom, but...

You ain't too big for a spankin'.

Actually, yes, I am too big for a spankin', all right?

Now, you have to start respectin' me in my house.

I respect whatever I please.

And that's the last time you gonna talk back to me.

Now, I am your mother.

And you will show me some respect.

Now, I'm going back to the hotel across the street.

And you think about how you talked to your mother.

You got it all set up?

Yep, settin' it up, settin' it up.

Ooh yes, this gonna be a good one, baby.

We gon' get 'em.

This is gonna be the best one.

Best one ever!

What y'all doin'?

Nothin' much, Dad.

Question, has Grandma always treated you like that?

Your grandmother has always had a special way

of showin' her son that she loves him.

Yeah, but she's mad, like, most of the time.

Some people just choose violence.

Look, your grandma has had a hard life.

Don't you see it all over her face?

Show her some sympathy, all right?

She actually a sweet lady.

Who sweet, your mama?

She about as sweet as a alligator with a toothache.

Excuse me.

Sweet...

His mama... You know his mama ain't sweet.

'Bout as sweet as a cup of vinegar.

Yeah Dad, she's got you walkin' on eggshells.

He's right.

You put your mother before us whenever she's involved.

I mean, she's a mother. You know?

She took care of me, so I gotta take care of her.

Not when she's disrespectin' us in our own home.

I have to agree with your wife, Jeremy, she's right.

She never even tried to like me.

She was takin' bets at our wedding

on years before we divorce.

Her guess was one year.

Well, that lets you know she's not right about everything, huh?

Philip.

Philip.

Did you finish your homework?

No, but it's not due for another hour.

I think you should go and do it now.

Dang woman, leave me alone!

- Hey, hey, hey! - It's a prank!

It was a prank, it was a prank! It was a prank!

- No, it was a prank! - It was a prank!

Hold him back!

What kinda prank?

He gettin' through the defense, hold him back!

It's the kinda prank where they get the daddy mad,

and they put it all on the internet.

And I got it all.

I told y'all not to do this.

Its just a prank, baby.

I told y'all not to do this. See?

He was about the jump out his pants.

Baby, it's okay.

What in the Book of Revelations is happenin' in this place?

This is exactly what I expected

from this type of heathenism I've seen here.

Oh, that's a pretty good word for it, "heathenism".

What does that mean?

Shut up.

As a woman, how do you allow

your household to be run in this manor?

I'm sorry, it's a big misunderstandin'.

Philip and I were playin' a game.

What kind of game calls for a son to disrespect his father?

And his mother helped.

Look, I respect you as, as my mother-in-law but...

Jeremy was doin' so well before he met you.

Look at him now.

Do you know what?

If Jeremy isn't going to stand up

for this family, I will.

You will not come into my home

and disrespect my husband, my son, or myself.

Okay? My son and I like to have fun.

We have a little fun sometimes.

We aren't miserable, like you!

My son will love and respect me,

just because he wants to be around love.

Not like some bit--

Bitter person who has a problem with every situation!

No Cora, I ain't finna' go nowhere.

I'm about to video this.

This is old ladies gone wild.

Are you gonna let her talk to me like that?!

She has a point, all right?

So, you're takin' her side?

I'm not, I'm just sayin' this...

I wanna hear it from your mouth.

She's right and I'm wrong. Go ahead, go ahead, say it!

Look, this is my fault.

I, I didn't mean to, to...

Yes, Jeremy. Let her know.

So, your wife knows better than your mother?

Oh Jeremy, you better get to talkin' quick.

Do you not hear us speakin' to you, Jeremy?!

Okay, everybody, everybody just, just hold on, wait a minute.

Ma'am, this is not how we behave in this house.

Seems like it to me.

Hold on, hold on, ma'am. No...

No disrespect.

But none of this happened until you got here.

- All right now, wait a minute. - No, you wait a minute, Jeremy!

You know this got outta hand because you didn't handle it.

You know what? All this mess...

This mess gonna stop. I mean, right now.

I mean it, right now!

I got you on the single, Cora.

I got y'all on a wide shot.

Well, Miss Mary Lou, mean Mary Lou Ella...

- Mary Lou... - Mrs. Washington to you!

Well, whatever yo name is, you can get to steppin'!

Mary Lou, Mary Allan, or whatever your name is.

I'mma dial it left.

And I told you!

See, see this mess you caused?

I said this prank gonna cause a whole lotta mess,

and that's exactly what it's done.

Caused a bunch of problems!

Got your daddy and your mama all arguin' with your grandma.

That was dramatic, wasn't it?

A dead man walkin'!

You can't win in this situation, I'm tellin' you.

So, what do I do?

Perform an extra-cism.

Exorcism.

No, she extra, so you gotta do a extra-cism.

Man, I really need help with this.

Come on, y'all, give me somethin'.

Stand up for yourself.

And honor your wife!

It's embarrassing when a man

is not a man in front of his mother.

She next level crazy.

She don't live in this house. Leah do.

So, you gotta take care of your home first.

Yes.

So where a man layeth, that's where he'll make his pasture.

In the chipland.

That's how we see out.

Yeah, I don't know what you just said,

but y'all right.

Hey, let me know when you're gonna talk to your mama.

So I can be there, I wanna video that.

Hey, Dad, look, I'm sorry my prank caused all this.

Son, this ain't even your fault.

This is somethin' I should've handled a long time ago.

I think Cora woulda got her, though.

All right, I got some things I need to address.

This better be good.

Mom, you're my mom, I love you, and I always will.

And you know I always have your best interest at heart.

You better. I was in labor for...

I know, I know.

2 days, 13 hours, and 7 minutes. I get it, all right?

Look, I respect you, Mom,

but I have my own family that I have to look after.

Okay, and if you, you hate everything that I love...

Then we never gonna get anywhere, all right?

Now, my whole life, I've been worried about pleasing you

and what you think,

and punishment and seances.

Seances?

Am I the only one who heard that?

I think I'm smart enough to know where I'm not wanted.

Ma, you don't have to leave.

You two have a nice evening.

Watch your back.

Okay, all right, it's gonna be great.

You got the egg?

Yep, here it is.

Y'all about to get him?

I'mma video it, I'mma video it.

Hey, Philip!

What's goin' on?

So we're playin' this game, right?

All right, now it's when you throw marshmallows

and catch 'em in your mouth.

Now, I caught three.

I just got two, I couldn't catch 'em.

Yeah, you think you can beat that?

Yeah, come on.

All right. Let's see.

- Let's see it. - I'mma see if you got it.

Now, that's a joke!

That's a prank!

That's a prank right there!

Now, that's a prank!

I can't believe you guys would prank a kid!

Well kid, kid, you did grown people!

We got you! We got you!

I'm gonna post it!

That was good!

Good job!

We got him good!