Original subtitles

In one hour's time, you have jeopardized my patients, my job, and you have

exposed this hospital to all kinds of legal action. Just how do you suggest

that I handle this, hmm? We need more nurses. We need... I'm ready, doctor.

Well, if he wants to work for me, you'll have to show some respect for the rules.

The way you did in Korea, right?

He's a nice guy, driver.

Very much like you.

I think you'll like him.

Why should I like him? I'm not marrying him.

Cardiac arrest?

Yeah.

Feldman, code blue. Get the crash card in here. Stat.

so so

um

Casualties all over it.

Shopper. Hawkeye?

Radar. Radar, where's Hawkeye? Hey, that's almost 30 years ago.

This isn't Korea. It's San Francisco.

A hotel just blew up. Gas line exploded or something.

Let's go. Emergency needs all the help it can get.

Well, dial a doctor. I was in surgery all night.

So was I.

We spent the night together, remember?

Shocking. We're not even engaged.

Dr.

Branca, please call the OR.

Dr. Mervin Branca, call the OR.

Come on, pops.

You're going to the head of the line.

One moment, please. Later, baby.

One moment, young man.

I am the Reverend Box.

Now, I realize that we are all equal in the eyes of the Lord, but I was here

long before this man. Well, congratulations. You win the gold-plated

tongue depressant. Dr. Olin, report to the platform. Jack Blackworth, what do

you got?

Long shot at best. He's shocky, low BP, rapid pulse, crush injuries, internal

bleeding. All right, get an IV, get some plasma going, and put him on a cardiac

monitor. All right. Coming through, coming through. Dr.

Branca, please call the OR.

Dr. Mervin Branca, call the OR.

You believe this? Am I day off?

These disasters are ruining my golf game.

Don't say it. He's a competent physician.

With all the warmth and compassion of Attila the Hun, can't you get rid of

that turkey?

Ask his father.

Address your request to the chairman of the board of directors.

We are swamped out here. We need more nurses. We need... I'm ready, doctor.

Yes, yes.

I think you better go back to your ward.

I was told you were swamped. You need nurses down here. If you must know, Miss

Brancusi, you're too distracting. I don't want my interns hyperventilating

every time that you pass by, if you'll excuse me.

I have had it up to here with your sophomoric interns and their hormone

problems. They wouldn't know... Hey, Ripples!

Come on, give me a hand.

And don't call me Ripples.

It's been much too long. No, I'm sure it'll be a few hours yet.

Thank you.

I'd like to speak to the chief of surgery, please.

I'm sorry, sir. Dr.

McIntyre is terribly busy right now. We've just had a big emergency. Is there

anything I can help you with?

How are you on duodenum?

Pardon?

You see, it won't work on religious differences.

Wait just a moment, sir.

Hold on, please. Sir?

Call the emergency.

Dr. Weiss, please call the emergency. I don't believe it. It can't be.

You're Reverend Barnaby Box.

God. First assistant at your service.

I'm Dr. Stanley Riverside, Reverend. I have seen you on television a thousand

times. What a thrill to meet you in person.

It's my elbow.

I'm afraid I might have lost some blood.

I hope your blood bank is amply strong.

Hey, Doctor.

I'll get it here.

In a moment.

Reverend, come with me. I'll take good care of you.

Nurse. Oh, well, thank you. This dude's choking to death. I'm going to try and

tube him.

But you give me a trach-trach in case. Yes, Dr. Redmond.

Primus to son call. Please go to CCU staff.

Primus to son call to CCU staff.

Left pneumothorax.

Over your chest, too.

And he's bleeding into his belly.

Possible ruptured spleen or lacerated liver.

Oh, did I say that?

No, but you will.

Reverend, you sit right on this table. We'll take good care of that. Thank you.

Nurse, I want this man typed and cross-matched immediately.

I wonder at it, Doctor.

I do have this very annoying post-nasal drip.

I couldn't tube him. I'll have to do the trick.

Now, this is more like it.

Professionalism. Men and women working together on an asexual basis.

Dr. Peel, please call your office.

Your office is hardly a place for heavy breathing.

Only steams up the windows.

How is it?

76 over 50.

Jerry, notify the OR. Tell them to set up for a chest tube and an exploratory

lab. Sir, can you tell us your name?

Your name, please.

you'd like us to notify?

Your wife?

Children? No.

No wife.

No children.

Nobody.

All right.

See you in the O.R.

Call Joe Rosen. Tell him I want him to assist.

Dr. Rosen's already operating.

Give me Ferguson.

Ferguson's in Carmel appearing in a celebrity tennis tournament.

Here's Lobb. There you are, pal.

Be able to breathe a lot better now.

Get scrubbed up. I need some help in the OR.

IV nurse to 4 West. Stat.

IV nurse to 4 West. Stat.

Take care of her. Yes, doctor.

Incidentally, you're one hell of a nurse.

Plan.

Suction.

All right, there it is.

There's the bleeder.

Can you reach it?

No?

Damn.

Maybe I can grab it from this side.

Try this.

Got it.

Good work.

I will close.

O general for the peritoneum.

This is not O general.

Of course not. It's triple O. He's an old man whose tissues are too delicate

for your usual rope.

Starge, how long have you been working for me?

About 30 years.

28. Ever since Korea.

And if you fire me, I'll tell the whole world about you and that Korean

manicurist.

Problems, John.

This pulse is 120 and thready.

Pressure's down to 82 over 50.

Well, how come you're giving him plasma? I ordered blood.

He's B-negative. What we had in the bank is incompatible.

We used all the good stuff on the triple bypass the other day.

Take some from the bypass.

Too late.

The bypass is dead.

What do you mean, dead? The bypass was a complete success.

Right. When he got home, his wife shot him.

One of those marriages.

Well, this old man is not going to make it through the night unless he gets some

more blood.

Fine, put the computer to work. Check everybody in this hospital. Call the

other hospitals.

I don't care how you do it, but I want some qualified donors.

Preferably unmarried.

Inhalation therapist, do I see you?

Inhalation therapist, do I see you?

Dr. Simpson, please follow recovery.

Dr. Carl Simpson, follow recovery.

Terrific surgeon, that new kid. Who is he?

I don't know. I thought you knew him.

I never saw it before in my life.

Dr. Kenyon, please call the cath lab.

Technician.

I want you to know you handle that very well.

Oh, I don't know. I still have trouble with the upper register. Those high

notes are murder.

No, no, I'm talking about the surgery.

You've got a great pair of hands.

Thanks.

The rest of me is kind of cute, too.

You know, you're probably going to laugh at this, but I can't for the life of me

seem to remember your name.

Gates.

Gee, Alonzo Gates.

Try Gonzo. That's what everybody calls me.

Oh, Gonzo.

Well, Gonzo, how long you been working here?

About an hour.

An hour?

Yeah, it would have been less, except we took so long finding that bleeder.

Oh, I'm getting a strange, sinking feeling you're not even on staff here.

I'm not.

I just stopped by to apply for a job. And you were in the OR performing

surgery. That is against the law.

No more than that tracheotomy I did.

You did a tracheotomy?

An emergency.

Everybody else was busy.

Patient had a fractured larynx and he couldn't breathe, so... You got a comb I

can borrow?

Oh, boy, you're really something, Gonzo.

You know, in one hour's time, you have jeopardized my patients, my job, my

license, and you have exposed this hospital to all kinds of legal action.

Now, just how do you suggest that I handle this, hmm?

Easy. Put me on staff.

Dammit, Gates, this is serious.

All right, I'll tell you what. While you're getting dressed, I'll go fill out

an application. Never mind all that. You'll be in my office in 20 minutes.

We've got a lot of talking to do.

You sure you don't have a comb?

When we've got a major disaster going here, they can take their cockamamie

business someplace else.

Dr.

Riverside, do you happen to know who that nice young doctor in the sweatshirt

is? No idea. He's a sterfic pranger to me.

It's funny.

Nobody seems to know him. And he did a super tracheotomy in emergency this

morning.

In my emergency?

Hi there.

I don't believe we've met. I'm Dr.

Stanley Riverside, Chief of Emergency Services.

And President of the Barnaby Box Fan Club, right?

And your name?

Pasteur. Louis Pasteur.

I was just writing home for some more bacteria.

But now that you're here, I won't need any.

Bonjour.

Doctor! Miss Brancusi, that smart aleck couldn't possibly be on our staff.

You sure he did the tracheotomy?

Oh, yes, he was fantastic.

As a matter of fact, Dr. McIntyre even asked him to assist in surgery.

Old Trapper John's been acting very peculiar lately, very peculiar.

And then he has the colossal nerve to ask me to lend him my comb.

What's so funny?

The kid is completely irresponsible.

He has absolutely no regard for rules or regulations.

Just like you way back in Korea 30 years ago.

What are you talking about?

When did you ever respect army regulations?

I was different.

Oh, no, it wasn't different, Trapper. You were different.

You were younger, crazier.

Ah, you weren't afraid of anything in those days.

Well, what am I afraid of now?

Gonzo. He acts like you did when you were his age.

I think you're afraid to be young again.

With two kids in college and an ex-wife collecting alimony, I can't afford to be

young again.

Well, here's Gonzo's application.

He got his medical degree in the army, spent three years in Vietnam with a MASH

unit.

MASH?

Well, no wonder.

Right. You need a man like that. He's got the training for emergency work, and

if he handled a knife any better, he'd be in politics.

Well, if he wants to work for me, you'll have to show some respect for the rules.

The way you did in Korea, right?

All right, all right. Get off my back.

Tell him to come in here.

He said he could be reached at his home aboard the Titanic.

The what?

That is the Titanic.

I'll tell the Titanic it's time to meet the iceberg.

You tell him I'm on a lunch break.

Yep.

Oh, no. I'll be right there.

His temp is up to 103.

He's having chills and flank pain.

What'd you give him?

50 milligrams Benadryl, 25 Demerol.

Hello, Mr. Smith.

How are you? How are you doing?

Nothing personal, doctor.

But I felt better when I was bleeding to death.

Well, Dr. Jackson gave you some medication. You should be asleep in a

few minutes.

Oh, good.

I'll dream of Sophie.

about plasma until you find the compatible B negative.

He's got B negative blood.

Cartwright, A negative, B positive.

And that's less than 1% of the population.

Heavy odds, man.

Forget about the odds.

If he doesn't get any blood into him in the next few hours, you can scratch him

from the race.

Yes, I know you want to know that. Dr. Riverside, call your father. No, I'm

sorry, ma'am. Dr. Stanley Riverside, please call your father.

And we've had conflicting reports about your injuries, Reverend.

The Lord has been truly merciful.

My own injuries were painful, but minor. But, of course, I must forget my agony

in order to bring solace and comfort to these suffering victims.

I am going to entreat the Lord to heal the wounded, relieve their suffering.

Hey, Doc, come on up. Relax.

Relax?

We got patients stacked up in that hospital like cords of wood.

Well, if you need anything, laparotomy or a vodka tonic, you let me know.

Uh, Gonzo, I, uh, I read your application.

Your credentials are, uh, pretty impressive.

You know, I did a hitch in a mash unit myself.

I know.

Really? Sure.

That's why I came here for a job.

Well, Trapper John's kind of a legend.

Part of the mash folklore.

You're kidding.

Truth. You and your pal Hawkeye, you had the whole army in your pockets.

Yeah, we had it wired, all right.

I remember when the nurse's shower got plugged up once and we... Never mind. I

want to know more about you.

What have you been doing since you left the Army?

After Vietnam, I took a residency in emergency medicine in Los Angeles.

And I was about to sign up for a staff job when I won the Titanic here in a

crap game.

So I toured the country instead.

And now you run out of money.

Look, why don't you put this stuff away and get dressed? I'm going to put you to

work on a trial basis.

Beautiful. But I'm warning you, I run a tight ship and I expect you to tow the

mark. Any questions?

Just one.

What happened in the nurse's shower?

Hey, the police just called. I've got the full report on old man Smith.

According to the police, you're Irving R. Ziegler.

age 76, a retired furrier.

You've been missing from your home in Portland, Oregon for the last three

days.

Your married daughter Harriet and your son-in-law Marvin Sternhauser are

worried sick about you.

They know where I am?

The police notified them a few hours ago.

Why? Is it such a crime a man should want a life of his own?

Mr. Ziegler, you've lost a lot of blood. It has to be replaced.

You have a rare blood type, so donors are not easy to find. Your daughter may

have the blood type we need.

Please, call Harriet Marvin.

Tell him I'm not here.

I don't want to impose on my children.

Okay.

Now tell us the real reason.

At my age, I shouldn't expect too much from my kids.

But little.

Consideration would be nice.

Do you know what they want to do with me?

Put you in a home?

No, that's what I want. What they want is to keep me with them in that big,

fancy house with all that love and affection and attention and devotion

and attention. That's enough now. I'm trying to get some rest. It's a

nightmare. At my age, a man should have the right.

To be hated a little. Good news, Mr. Ziegler. Your daughter and son-in-law

are here.

Cardiac arrest.

Melvin, come with Blue. Get the crash cart in here, stat.

Dr. Zitron, please go. Please be stat.

Dr. Carlson.

Hand me back.

It's fibrillating.

Set it at 200.

Come on, Pops, come on.

Boost it to 400.

Clear.

Bingo. Normal sinus rhythm.

I'm Dr.

McIntyre. This is Dr. Gates. How is he, doctor? How's my father?

He's out of immediate danger, but his condition remains critical.

Oh, no.

That poor man.

We understand you've had a problem getting blood donors.

Papa can have all our blood, all he wants, every drop.

Good. First thing we have to do is find out if you qualify.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I'm not.

It's you. I've been looking everywhere for you. Dr.

McIntyre, I'm afraid I made a horrible mistake. Without thinking, I mentioned

this doctor's tracheotomy to the serpent.

Who? Stanley Riverside II.

We call him the serpent.

Figures. Well, anyway, he was very upset. I'm afraid he's going to do

something nefarious.

I'll handle it.

Thank you, Ripples.

The name... James Brancusi.

Gloria Brancusi.

I wish I was 20 years younger.

Me too.

I'd be eight years old and these things wouldn't bother me.

But I would, Marvin.

How long before we know? About an hour. Could I see my father now?

Dr. Gates will take you there. I have a date with a serpent.

This way, please.

Do you have snakes in this hospital?

Hello, Harriet.

My husband.

Oh, Papa. Papa, we've been so frantic.

Are you in pain, dear? Are they treating you all right?

How's the food?

Are you getting enough to eat? What about fluids?

Are they giving you fluids? You should drink a lot of fluids, Papa. This room's

too small. We'll get you a nicer one.

I'm feeling fine, children.

Stop worrying so much. How can we stop worrying, Papa?

I mean, the way you ran away.

Without a word, not even a note. It was like you were trying to escape from us.

Oh, Papa.

Papa, if you only knew how much we love you.

We just had our blood tested, Papa. For you.

So we can help you get well again. And when you get home, Papa, we... Doctor!

Doctor!

Outside. Outside.

We'll see you later.

It's weaker by the minute.

Get this family out of here.

We can't take any more setbacks.

Gallant, I want your opinion on this memo that I've been preparing.

Now, you understand this is for the good of the hospital. Doctor, two more burn

cases coming in.

Well, give them to Wilson. Can't you see I'm busy?

I'm going to send this to the board of directors.

Dear Dad, it has been brought to my attention that our chief of surgery, Dr.

John McIntyre, has deliberately permitted an unqualified, unauthorized

physician to perform surgery in this hospital.

In my opinion, this irresponsible act constitutes...

Hi, John.

Oh, don't mind me, Stanley. Keep on reading.

Oh,

this? No, this is nothing. Nothing at all.

Well, then you may want some facts to make it something.

This unqualified physician is George Alonzo Gates.

He spent three years as a surgeon in Vietnam, and he completed a full

residency in emergency medicine. How does that grab you?

Really? That's interesting, John.

But if he's not on staff here... But he is.

I hired him myself this morning.

That just might keep him out of legal trouble. Well, he kept you out of legal

trouble. He performed a trach on a patient who was dying in your emergency

section. If that patient had died, you would have been held responsible.

So instead of persecuting that young man, you ought to be kissing his

hemostat.

John's right, Stanley.

After all,

the man's a veteran.

Fighting for your country. And how do you thank him? With a lousy poison pen

letter. What, this?

That's just horsing around.

See? It's just a silly little gag.

Fellas, wait a minute. You don't understand.

Wait, guys.

Guys, wait a minute.

You guys don't understand.

I like veterans.

Thank me for what?

For saving my butt.

Gallant told me how you handled the serpent.

Oh, never mind that. What about Ziegler? You found any blood?

Not a drop.

It was vital signs.

Hi, darling.

Hi.

Hope you don't mind my dropping in.

Yeah, no.

This is Ganjo, Dr.

Gates.

This is Melanie, my wife.

Ex-wife. Nice to meet you, Doctor.

Same here.

Excuse me, I'll wait outside.

No, wait, don't go.

You look tired, Trapper.

Yeah, well, I've been busy.

Hotels, blowing up, things like that.

You look terrific.

Thanks.

I'm getting married next week.

Married? That's nice.

Congratulations.

Who's the guy?

The merchandising manager at the store.

Well, you know, the one that promoted me to assistant buyer in sportswear.

You told the kids?

Not yet.

I wanted you to be the first to know.

Why me?

Well, in a way, I guess you're the best friend I've got.

Even a divorce can't change that.

It's crazy, isn't it? We're supposed to hate each other.

Only when you miss your alimony payments.

He's a nice guy, Trapper. Very much like you.

I think you'll like him.

Why should I like him? I'm not marrying him.

I thought you'd had it with marriage. You told me you wanted your own

identity, independence, a chance to express yourself.

I've got all that.

I'm keeping my job.

Harry's much more mature about that sort of thing than you were.

Well, I just wanted to keep you informed.

Get some rest, Trapper.

I don't like to see you looking so frazzled.

Ciao, darling.

Classy lady She's getting married you two still have something going

Well, we were married for 19 years divorced for four after all that time

you get kind of attached to a woman Something tells me this is a very shaky

divorce Yeah,

give me the blood bank

Hey, this is Gates. What have you got for me?

Oh, come on. You mean to tell me that you can't find one human being to match

Ziegler's blood? That's crazy.

Okay, okay, forget human beings. Try cocker spaniels, gorillas, lab

technicians, anything. Just give me the blood.

Hey, we just found a donor for old man Ziegler. His daughter?

No, she didn't qualify.

Then who?

Not me.

Me?

Give my blood.

But you would be saving that old man's life, Reverend.

But what about my life?

This means that you would be sticking needles in my arm, now doesn't it?

That is very dangerous, sticking needles in people's arms. It can cause

infections with germs and air bubbles.

No chance, Reverend. What germ would dare to attack you?

Just think, Reverend. Out of hundreds of people, you have been chosen for this

holy mission.

Now, as a servant of the Lord, you can't possibly ignore a challenge like this,

can you?

As a matter of fact, I can.

Come off it, Reverend. Your turn. The answer is no.

I intend to leave these premises with all my corpuscles intact.

Now, please get out of my room.

There is a noble, holy man of profound compassion and religious conviction.

Give him time.

He will be.

And what are you going to do?

Gonzo!

Been looking all over for that little beauty.

What the hell are you doing?

Reverend Box, remember?

Well, he doesn't need any cardiac x-rays. Right, but we need his blood.

Now, wait a minute. We can't afford any lawsuits. You cannot take his blood

without his consent.

Oh, we'll get his consent, all right? Oh, really? How?

Never mind. I don't want to know about it.

Starch? Yes, Doctor.

Starch, can I speak to you for a minute, please? Yes, Doctor.

That double hernia in room 502. I want him under strict quarantine, complete

isolation. Poor devil's got a raging case of... Oh, no.

That's as contagious as the Black Plague. And just as fatal.

Now make sure everyone who has been exposed to him has been immunized. And

keep it quiet. We don't want a panic on our hands.

Miss Rothbaum, please call your office.

Miss Gretchen Rothbaum, call your office.

Nurse, now what is all this about?

Contagious disease?

Keep it down, Reverend.

Poor fellow in 502 is suffering.

Well, never mind him. What about me? Do you realize I have been in his room

today praying for his double hernia?

Pulse 82, a little high.

No fever.

No skin lesions.

Wait, what is that?

No, I don't think so.

Well, I can't find any obvious symptoms, Reverend.

I guess you're all right.

Guess?

Well, you better be sure.

Aren't you going to take any precautions?

We are. We're wearing masks.

That I'm talking about me.

Oh, well, the first thing we have to do is draw some blood. No, no blood.

No dirty needles.

Oh, wait.

There must be something else you can do.

Well, we could give you some preventative medicine, but it may make

you a little groggy. Good. Fine. Do it. Now.

So sleepy.

That medicine.

Sleep tight, Reverend.

You should be ashamed.

Who is it?

You don't know who I am.

Oh my God.

Therefore, the life of Barnaby Box means nothing to me.

Nothing at all.

Oh, please.

Ziegler is a nice old man. I... I want to live.

Prove it, Barnaby Box.

Prove to me that you're cheap, selfish...

mercenary hypocritical life has valid because

if you fail to do so i will i

will i swear it please i'll do it i swear i'll do it

did you

call reverend i called i was no i

I'm worried about Mr. Ziegler, that dear, sweet, kind, gentle old man.

Is he any better?

No, sir, he's dying.

What? No, he can't die. My life is much... His life is much too valuable.

I... I... Oh!

Take my blood!

Oh, take all he wants!

Oh, please!

You're a noble, passionate man, Reverend.

This won't hurt a bit.

Doctor, do you remember how to prevent air bubbles?

I think the Reverend's blood agrees with you, Mr. Ziegler.

Now the big question.

How do I escape from my children?

Have you ever told them how you feel about all this? Told them? Of course

not. They're nice, decent people. Why should I hurt them like that?

Well, you could look at it another way.

You might be helping them.

I mean, they may be glad to get rid of you.

That way you would be giving them their freedom.

How are you, dear?

Papa, it's so good to see you feeling better.

You are feeling better, aren't you?

Much better.

We want you to come home, Papa.

With us.

Why not?

On the other hand, I'll tell you why not.

Marv and Harriet, try to understand. What I really want is a nice little room

at the Four Oaks retirement home.

That's ridiculous.

You'd never be happy there.

All my life, people have been making me happy.

Doing for me, caring for me, fussing over me.

Your mama, she died making me happy.

She loved you, Papa.

And she made me promise to always look after you.

Haven't I tried?

Haven't I done my best?

Honey, you did better than best.

But enough already. You and Marvin have got your own happiness. Your own lives

to worry about.

Papa, if you left now, we'd feel so guilty.

Guilty? You feel guilty. I feel guilty. Everybody is miserable making me happy.

Just for once, so nobody should feel guilty, I'd like to make myself happy.

Is that such a terrible thing to ask?

No, Papa.

We just want you to know we love you.

Honey, I know you do. Now take time to love each other.

You can love me on Tuesdays and Sundays from 1 to 4 at the Four Oaks Retirement

Home.

And do me a favor, please. Don't bring the kids. They drive me crazy.

Obama.

Lunchtime. Come on up.

Sit down.

Have a finger sandwich, with or without nothing.

No, really, I shouldn't.

Okay, don't.

Maybe one.

My ex-wife called me this morning.

Her wedding's been canceled.

She decided she prefers the security of our divorce.

You look relieved.

You're kidding? Now I'm stuck with more alimony payments.

Congratulations.

Uh-oh.

Look what's coming.

I've come to bid you goodbye.

I'm leaving today for the Vatican. I have an audience with His Holiness the

Pope. Isn't he a little out of your league?

I had this vision last night. I want to discuss it with him. I know he'll be

very interested.

Arrivederci!

I think that clown's fucking for St. Louis.

On our vision?

Suppose he gets it.

What does that make us?