Original subtitles

Hi! I'm Patrick Star!

And I live with my parents! Ow!

This is my dad!

This is my mom!

This is my sister! She's shy.

This is my grandpa!

This is my room!

And this...

This is my show!

Now what do we have here?

Hansel and Gretel!

Trick or treat!

Well, have I got a treat for ya!

One for you!

And one for you!

Now don't go eating that all in one night, ya hear?

Them little varmints were about as charmin'

as a couple clams on the prairie.

Where's Patrick?

Patrick?

Haven't seen him.

Do the hustle-bustle.

Groovy Halloween costume!

It's Halloween?!

Tonight, Hans will be reading us

some classic Halloween stories.

-Yee-hoo!

Ready, Hans!

Yah-hello!

And what delightfully devious tale

do you have in store for us tonight?

Tonight we are reading Mary Shelley's Fronkenschteen.

Frankenstein?!

No, no, no, no!

No scary monsters!

Okay. How about Dracula?

No scary blood-suckers!

Hey, I've got an idea!

Why don't we try

a book of old fairy tales?

Great idea, Squidina!

Nothing bad or scary ever happens in old fairy tales.

Wonderful!

What's our first story, Hans?

First, we have the story of Little Squid Riding Hood.

Once upon a time,

the little squid skipped through the woods

to visit her dear old granny

-who had just fallen ill.

Huh? Granny is ill?!

Then why am I skipping?

And why am I empty-handed?!

Oh, of course.

Little Squid Riding Hood

brought her Granny a fresh batch of boot casserole.

Now that's more like it!

Eh, quiet down.

Yeow! Ow!

Hey! What's the big id--

Whoa!

-Ohh! Whoa!

Say there, little lady,

what brings you out here all alone

carrying such delightful delicacies?

No time to chat, dusty drifter.

I'm off to Granny's house.

Oh, let's not rush off with such haste!

Why don't you take the time

to pick a bouquet of flowers for her?

No need.

I always bring flowers for Granny.

Grr!

Hey!

Whoopsie-doodle!

Better go pick 'em up.

Eventually,

Little Squid Riding Hood

made her way to Granny's cottage.

Granny?

I'm here, Granny!

Oh, thank you, darling,

I've been waiting all night for that casserole!

Wait... how did you know--

Give it! Give it here!

Granny hungry!

I don't know, something's not right.

Grandma, what splotchy skin you have!

And what saggy eyes you have!

And what rotten gums you have!

You're much uglier than I remember.

Much uglier.

Rude! Now gimme that!

It's mine!

All mine!

...and seven and eight,

-and... -Granny?!

And...

Huh?

Little Squid Riding Hood?

What are you doing here?

I heard you were sick so I came as quickly as I could!

Who's the liar telling you I'm sick?!

The narrator!

Well, maybe the narrator can tell me

what this dusty drifter is doing in my house.

I'm about to feast!

Oh, yeah?

So are we!

Ahh...

Awoo!

Oh, oh! Please be a dream!

Please be a dream!

Not the bed too!

-Huh?!

Uh...

Is anybody gonna get that?

Oh, I'll get it.

Trick or treat!

Yeah, huh. I'll take treat.

He wants you to skip to the next story.

That last one was way too scary.

Well, let's see if you can handle this one.

Little Miss Muffet couldn't get to her tuffet

so she cried out for help with a gasp.

See, her clothes were so silly und excessively frilly,

it made walking an impossible task.

Petticoats here, petticoats there,

I even have petticoats under my hair.

And so... Little Miss Muffet

finally sat on her tuffet

eating her curds and whey.

She needed to rest and quickly ingest

if she were to saunter away.

Along came a spider who sat down beside her

to give her fresh goodies a trial,

but as he got closer, the food got much grosser,

'cause she made it with everything vile.

Whatever you've broiled is something quite spoiled

and will never contact my lips!

But this lady was twisted...

And flatly insisted...

Dip into the substance with chips!

She gave him the snag and continued to nag

that he eat her gross fungi and slimes.

But what ended the story wasn't anything gory.

The narrator just ran out of rhymes.

The end.

The end?

The end!

The end! The end!

The end!

Now it's the end.

I didn't catch much of that one.

Could I get a recap?

Uh-uh-uh. No recaps!

But this next tale

will have you on the edge of your whoopee cushion.

It is called Rube Goldifish und the Three Sea Bears!

Ah-mazing!

A true architectural marvel!

I wonder if this house is as amazing on the inside!

Only one way to find out.

Wow!

Ah-mazing!

Well, look at all this porridge!

Come to think of it, I am a little hungry.

Oh, one little taste won't hurt.

This one is too hot!

Phew.

This one is t-t-too cold!

Phew.

And this one is amazing!

There's a war going on down there!

Better get myself to the little Goldifish's room!

Oh, boy, more choices!

Too fuzzy.

Yah! Too newfangled.

Guess it's just you and me, toothy.

-Ow! Ouch!

-Ouch! Ow! Ow!

Golly, that was exhausting.

Kind of odd to have a basement bedroom.

Kind of odd to have wooden boxes for beds.

But, hey, a fella's gotta sleep somewhere.

This bed is too occupied.

So is this one.

And this one.

They're all too occupied!

Maybe I can find a guest bedroom somewhere.

Oh, howdy, Vampire Sea-bear family.

I just loveyour house!

What's the big idea here?

Someone's been taste-testing the porridge!

Is that any way to treat a dinner guest?!

Forget about the hors d'oeuvres,

we got the main course.

Mmm...

Oh, sorry, Vamps and doggies,

but it looks like you're all mistaken.

Because... I was never even here.

Huh?!

What happened to dinner?

Oh, don't worry, Granny.

We still haven't eaten this guy!

I was hoping you forgot about me.

- Huh?

Nuh. Is anybody gonna get that?

-I'll get it.

Can I help you?

We want our candy back!

What candy?

Happy Halloween!

That last story was way too spooky!

Don't you have any silly stories

for a silly lil' guy?

Hmm...

Okay.

Here's a tale about two idiots.

Idiots, huh?

I'll try and relate.

This is the silly, goofy story

of Humpty und Dumpty.

On a dark and stormy night...

two dumb idiots sat high above it all.

I'm Humpty!

And I'm Dumpty!

And I'm sick of you two undead deadbeats!

Get down here and get to work!

You gotta speak up!

-Whoa! - So Dumpty...

Ow.

Don't worry, Dumpty!

I'll save you! Whoa!

Und Humpty...

Ow.

...had a great fall.

And all the king's horses

und all the king's men

couldn't put them together again.

Of course they couldn't!

You think this thing could perform

complex reconstructive surgery?

-With those hooves?

I'm a genius!

If anyone's gonna put these bozos back together,

it's me.

Better than some clumsy horse, that's for sure.

Yes. Yes!

Ah.

Well, I think I've outdone myself this time.

I used to have two annoying idiot assistants.

But now I only have one!

Will you two cut that out?

Hey!

Get back here this instant!

Okie dokie!

Here we come!

Whee!

Uh-oh.

I could use a king's horse right about now.

Huh, so it was all a dream.

What? Were you even listening?

Another story, please!

Next we have the story of Hansel und Gretel!

Or should I say Patsel und Squetel!

Alright, meine kleinen Kinder!

This here's the forest!

I'm outta here.

Y'know, uh, I was about to say, "See ya later,"

but I won't

'cause I'm abandoning you!

What?!

Why?!

Because it's a fairy tale

and that's what parents do.

Well, happily ever after and all that.

Well, Patsel,

I guess we better start looking

for shelter and food.

On it!

Mmm! Splintery.

Ooh!

Mmm!

-Aww.

-Ahh!

Mmm.

Not bad.

And what's this tasty-looking business?

We're saved!

Whoever lives there could surely spare us something to...

eat?

Ah! I hope so!

Eating all this gingerbread is working up my appetite!

What do you think you're doing, you...

sweet, delicious--

I mean, you darling Kinder!

Come inside! I'll fix supper!

Deal!

Patsel, wait!

The sweetest candy in the world is right in there!

Candy!

Candy, candy, candy, candy!

Wait, is that a... cage?

What?

No, silly,

it's an industrial candy container!

I don't care for candy.

There are some high-fiber snacks

in the very back.

Fiber, fiber, fiber!

It wasa cage!

What are you gonna do to us?

Now I can finally make

that three-bean child chili I have been craving.

Actually, that sounds pretty good.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I'll be chopping some aromatics over there.

Don't get cute while my back is turned.

I mean it!

Patsel, we have to get out of here!

But how?!

Ah!

The gingerbread lock!

That's it!

Bleh.

A gingewbwed key!

It's a little soggy, but still pretty good.

We're doomed.

Why would we wanna get out of here anyway?

Ahh! It's so delicious!

Mmm-mmm.

That's it!

Patsel, you got this problem licked.

Okay, one part beans,

one part child,

-one part--

Hup? I said no funny business!

Oh, you're fine!

Not you! Them!

Patsel! Run!

Oh, where'd he go this time?!

-Wait!

Halt!

Stoppen!

Patsel, quick!

Let's go!

You two nitwits have eaten me out of house and home!

And you even ate my clown!

No, I didn't!

You ruined my chili!

For that you shall pay!

Anybody gonna get that?

Ugh.

Guten Tag!

Trick-or-treaters?

We're not trick-or-treaters.

We're the real Hansel und Gretel!

We're here to save Patsel und Squetel!

Whoo!

That's so convenient!

Come on,

you really think these two pipsqueaks could--

Hans, could we skip ahead a little?

This part's too scary.

And besides, we've already seen a werewolf transformation.

Certainly.

Hurry it up, you two!

Wait. Don't you need a full moon for that?

Hi!

Oh, come on!

That shouldn't count!

Ahh!

Uh, hello!

Thanks for... saving us.

Huh?

Yah, we did save you.

For dessert!

What the--?! Get out of my funky follicles!

That story was even scarier than the others!

They're just stories, Patrick.

Not real life like us.

We don't have to worry about fairy tale witches,

vampires, or werewolves at all!

Come on, Patrick. Just answer the door.

Well, can you at least look and see who it is?

Monsters!

You're just imagining things.

Trick or treat!

See? It's just some kids in costumes!

Nothing to be worried about, right, Hans?

That's right, Squidina.

Monster's aren't real.

Huh?

The moonlight...

Something is happening to me.

-Muh-muh-muh-- -Muh-muh-muh--

Muh-muh-muh--

Monster!

Monsters are real!

You were wrong!

Dead wrong!

Happy Halloween!

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