Original subtitles

Hi, I'm Patrick Star!

Hi, I'm Patrick Star!

And I live with my parents! Ow!

This is my dad!

This is my mom!

This is my sister! She's shy.

This is my grandpa!

This is my room!

And this...

This is my show!

Raw, raw, raw!

Bags full of slaw!

And beans and rice!

And boots and mice!

Trash Day is gross,

it's why I love it most!

Go, Trash Day!

Oh...

Oh, well.

H-hey!

It's Snotty McMack.

Hey, Snotty!

Playing kickball, huh?

Well, why don't you...

...kick it over here?

I'm open! I'm open!

One mysterious minute later...

What happened?

I'll tell you what happened.

You killed my kickball.

Killed?

Yeah, that's right.

And you know what that means?

-Uh-uh.

I'm taking you to Kid Court

for a million bazillion dollars!

You've just been served.

Kid Court?

Gosh, Patrick. These charges are pretty serious.

Ah! Kid Court isn't real, SpongeBob.

It's just something grown-ups made up to scare us,

like gingivitis.

Oh, it's real, Patrick.

I've read every issue.

Luckily, that makes me the perfect lawyer

to represent you.

After you.

Oh, thank you.

Oh, hey, Snotty!

Squidina!

Hey, defendant big bro!

I'm the stenographer.

Will the jury please enter?

Meep, meep, meep, meep.

All rise for the judge.

Woo! Go, Squidward!

Squidward! Squidward!

Hi, Squidward!

Order! Order in the court!

From here on out,

you will address me as "Your Honor."

"Your Honor."

-Hey, SpongeBob.

You're myhonor.

- You're myhonor.

Please be seated.

Court is now in session

for the case of McMack versus Star.

May the injured party call their first witness.

I call... Patrick Star to the stand!

I am standing.

No, sit on the stand!

You got it.

No!

For the love of... Would you please just sit here?

Okay, okay. Sheesh.

I aim to prove

that Patrick Star did willfully,

and with malice,

-kill my kickball.

-Oh!

Not a pretty sight.

Now, Mr. Star,

on the morning in question,

you and I were involved in a game of kickball.

Is that correct?

-Uh-huh. -Hmm.

And as I recall,

it was you

who initiated said game.

Was it not?

Yup!

Hmm.

And when the ball

was kicked to you,

did you kick it back?

Nope.

I see.

Your Honor, by his own admission,

Mr. Star demanded the ball be kicked to him,

an act that can only be described as premeditation.

He furthermore made no attempt to catch,

or to dodge, said ball.

Thus wielding his triangular cranium

as a weapon of mass deflation,

Mr. Star did therefore recklessly endanger

and subsequently destroy

an innocent kickball!

Why?

Why?

No further...

...questions.

Woo! Case closed!

Order! Order!

Case notclosed.

The defense may now cross-examine.

-That's you, SpongeBob. -Oh!

Your Honor, look at this face.

Ooh! This face.

A face of innocence.

Um... I object.

We all do.

Mr. Star, in your own words,

please tell us what happened with the kickball.

Well, as I remember,

it all started

when I asked Snotty to kick me the ball.

But just as he was about to,

a nasty monster popped out of the recycle bin

and grabbed poor little Snotty!

I had no choice but to jump into action.

Un-fin that little guppy, you nasty creep!

And summon my steed,

a gigantic sea-worm that breathes fire,

while shooting lasers.

Wait, that's wrong.

It was actually a jumbo shrimp

with a laser that shoots fire.

Anyway, I hit him with a direct strike.

Boom!

Snotty went flying!

-Huh?

But as I approached,

making my final attack,

the monster unleashed some kind of evil magic

that made everything go dark!

And that's the last thing I remember.

Order! Order!

I have no follow-up for this witness.

Great. Let's move on to closing arguments.

Not that I'm listening.

Thank you, Your Honor.

Anchovies and minnows of the jury...

The facts have spoken in this case.

And the facts tell us that the defendant

is a vicious, ball-popping, pointy head!

Am not!

Oh, yeah?

You sure about that?

I am not a popper!

Never have popped!

Never will pop!

-Never!

I rest my case, Your Honor.

-Huh?

The defense rests as well!

Wonderful.

Jury, you may now deliberate.

Meep!

The court will thankfully adjourn to recess.

Yeah!

-Recess! -Recess!

It appears we have a verdict.

Recess is over.

Aww.

Kid Court is back in session.

Jury, what is your decision?

Meep.

Thank you, Bailiff.

Patrick Star,

to the charge of first-degree ball deflation,

the jury has found that you are...

"meep" of the crime.

Meep?

Meep?

Well, I'm just gonna say guilty.

The defendant is ordered

to pay the plaintiff one million bazillion dollars.

A million bazillion dollars?

That's right!

But I don't have that kind of money!

I need a tissue.

Do you have a tissue?

Oh. Uh... Here you go.

No, not a napkin!

Or a paper towel!

This will have to do.

It's about time somebody re-inflated me.

I mean, sheesh!

What are you waitin' for?

Patch me up already.

Okay. I've got stickers!

One for you.

And one for you.

All right. Now does anybody want to hear

what actually happened to me?

Oh, sure! Let's hear what the talking kickball has to say.

Well, it all went down like this.

Patrick was doing some kind of ridiculous ritual.

But before Snotty could kick me,

that monster grabbed him.

Hold on! Hold on!

Hold on a minute here!

Let me get this straight.

The trash monster actually happened?

You think a kickball would lie about something like that?

I mean, sheesh!

As I was saying...

Patrick wasn't riding a fire-shooting jumbo shrimp,

he was on a laser-shooting sea worm.

Patrick hit the creature with a direct strike.

Boom!

Snotty goes flying.

But when Patrick made his final approach,

there was no magic spell.

He was actually blacked out

by the recycle bin falling over his head.

Meanwhile, Snotty kept whaling away

till I went pop!

-The monster was so startled,

he slithered away.

Naturally, as Kid Court has no jurisdiction over monsters,

Snotty chose to blame Patrick instead.

That's what really happened.

It would appear that my client

had nothing to do with this heinous crime.

Uh... Oh, yeah, right,

but it's not like accusing someone

of a serious crime for a million bazillion bucks

is against the law or anything.

It is. It's called fraud.

Uh... what's that?

I think I hear my mom calling me!

Case dismissed.

The defendant is free to go.

I gotta go put this in the wash.

Goodbye.

-Yes! -Yeah!

We did it!

Uh-oh.

Uh, I think I heard Snotty's mom calling me!

Uh, a little help here?

I mean, sheesh!

Welcome, one and all,

to Patrick's Antique's Alley!

What treasures

did you bring us today, Rube?

I've got this here

priceless porcelain vase.

Huh, looks kinda old.

-Pass!

Well, how about my great grandpappy's Faberg� egg?

Uh...

Oh. Needs salt.

Pass.

Golly!

That sure will make

a fun restoration project for later.

But lastly, I've got my oldest antique.

That's a GrandPat.

We already have one.

Ow!

This vase comes to us

all the way from ancient Seagypt.

Another vase, huh?

Well, I know what to do with this.

Patrick, wait! A note!

Squidina, could you read this?

I can't read hyper gibbons.

Huh?

This isn't hieroglyphics.

It's just plain English,

written by Perch Perkins!

The Bikini Bottom News guy?

His show is hilarious!

W-What's it say? What's it say?

Oh, boy! Story time!

"To whoever is reading this in the future,

I am lost in time.

It all started when..."

Oh-ho-ho, Perch Perkins,

you handsome devil.

Nothing's ever gonna bring you--

-Down, Perch Perkins!

Your ratings are down!

What?

Go out there and get me a bigstory ASAP,

or the next headline's gonna read

"Beloved Anchor Perch Perkins Fired!"

All right, wise guy.

What's your idea of a big story?

Hmm. Ooh!

That!

Hey, everybody!

Today on the Patrick Show,

I'm gonna clip my toenails one by one!

Uh... Hmm.

You want me to interview him?

The neighborhood nitwit?

We've been getting letters and letters

asking for this very story.

Ugh! What kind of weirdos would write all these?

I love licking letters.

Today on Stargazing with Perch...

We're talking with Patrick,

Bikini Bottom's biggest, hottest,

but definitely not brightest star.

Would you like to show us around your bedroom...

uh, excuse me, uh, studio?

Merch Murkins!

Oh, yeah! I've got lots of neat stuff to show!

Uh, over here, it's an old sock.

And-and over here's my waffle iron!

Oh! And over here is where I keep the rest of my old socks!

Do you have anything newsworthy in here?

Say, Patrick. What's this fancy flashing doohickey?

Oh. Just a time closet.

I use it to travel through time and space. Whatever.

It's boring!

We got better things to talk about.

Like this plate covered in dust.

-Whoa.

-With this, I can cover

every historical event in real time.

Amazing!

Patrick, how would you like to be my cameraman?

Ooh, I'm usually on camera,

not the other way around.

Uh, other way around.

And we're off! This is Perch Perkins

about to cover the biggest news story

of the century in every century!

Live and in person.

Whoa! We're actually here!

In Klopnod circa 1400!

We'll finally get to see just what started the war

between the Klopnodians and the Vikings!

- Hinga dinga durgen!

Save some for me, Gunther!

Oh, Lothar, you're a kidder, you are.

Klopnodians and Vikings coexisting peacefully?

What happened to the war? Hmm. Must be too early.

Hear ye, hear ye!

I, GrandPat of the Viking clan,

bring a friendship pie of peace

to Her Royal Majesty,

the Queen of Klopnod.

Ooh! Most exciting!

Hmm.

Maybe I need to give history a little nudge.

-Get the pie, boy!

Go get it! Go get it!

Gimme, gimme!

Get off of me, you goofy ding-dong!

A pie in the face?

This means shloip!

Shploip? What's Shploip?

I don't speak a lick of Klopnodian!

Uh... war.

This means war.

Oh.

Huh?

Perch Perkins, here again!

And as you've just seen,

the Klopnodian War didn't begin with a bang,

but with a splat!

Bah! That ain't how I remember it! Mm.

How doyou remember it, Dad?

I can't remember!

Where am I?

I don't believe it!

Keep it up, Perch!

We must be in ancient Seagypt!

Perhaps we can find out who really built the pyramids.

Meep-meep!

Meep-meep!

Excuse me, sir. Are you the one who built the pyramids?

Pyramids? What's that?

The only thing I've built

is this monument to my loving family.

Wow!

Giant sculptures lost to time!

Patrick, could you run around them

and film some B-roll?

This is gonna be our biggest story yet.

Aye-aye, news guy!

Huh? Sand pudding.

What have you done?

Mystery solved!

The pyramids were not made by the work of ancients,

but by the perspiration of one very sweaty sea star.

You two!

Guards, take them away!

Just great.

"Perch Perkins Entombed in Seagypt Jail."

It'll be a big headline

thousands of years in the future.

Too bad we gotta wait that long to pretend to read it.

Huh? Wait.

Maybe if I write a note here in the past,

someone in the future will read it

and come back to save us!

Patrick, hand me some paper.

How much do you need?

There's a ton.

Huh?

-Ooh!

Just this'll do.

Yep! Can't let this extra paper go to waste.

If you need me,

I'll be in the little sea stars' room.

"Sincerely, Perch Perkins."

And now we wait.

Patrick?

-Uh... Patrick?

He left... without me?

"P.S.

Noooo!"

"Noooo!"

And it just kinda ends there.

Wow, that story was amazing!

Wait a minute. Patrick, you left Perch in the past?

You've gotta go back and fix it.

Uh...

I'm on it!

For the last time,

the Time Closet is not a toilet... Oh!

Never mind.

Ooh! I'm usually on camera,

not the other way around.

Uh, other way around.

And we're off!

This is Perch Perkins about to cover

the biggest news story of the century

in every century.

-Live and in person.

Over here, news boy!

Don't let this guy move a muscle!

Well, since we've got the time,

let's get back to the dust.

And the best part is the smell.

Huh?

Ah, great.

Now I gotta start all over.

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0