Original subtitles

Hi, I'm Patrick Star!

Hi, I'm Patrick Star!

And I live with my parents! Ow!

This is my dad!

This is my mom!

This is my sister! She's shy.

This is my grandpa!

This is my room!

And this...

This is my show!

Ugh, another brutal day.

But, luckily, Pat the Hapless

got ahead on work!

Many a head in fact!

Ahh, now time for much deserved slumber.

Could you get the door?

If it's for me, tell 'em I headed out.

What be it this time?

Beelzebass!

My mortal enemy dares to darken my doorstep?

Have at thee!

Yeah, about that.

On behalf of the Dragon Carcass Owners Association,

I am here to hand you this complaint.

It appears you have been a little too chop-happy

as of late.

Whole neighborhood grows weary

of me chopping their heads off?

Fine.

I suppose I could cut down...

one more!

And you're not just being banished from this realm,

you're being banished from this whole dimension!

Say hello to the worst dimension of all!

What perils doth Pat The Hapless face

in this realm?

Hello, neighbor!

We brought you a trasherole

to welcome you to the neighborhood.

Plague!

Well, while his trasherole is reheating,

why don't you show our new neighbor

around Bikini Bottom, son?

-Up there, we've got the sky.

Down there, we've got the ground.

And that's the sky...

And that's the ground.

Hey, Patrick!

Oh, am I glad to see you, SpongeBob.

I was running out of things to show my new neighbor.

Hmm. Did you show him the ground?

Uh-huh.

The sky?

Uh-huh.

Hmm. Well, he hasn't seen me yet.

Hey, new neighbor! Put 'er there!

The dreaded Cheese Beast of the Caseous Wasteland!

Aren't you gonna "axe" me my name?

That's one way to cut to the chase.

So, new neighbor, tell me about yourself.

Very well, un-choppable cheese-beast.

I, Pat the Hapless, am a warrior by trade,

and I'm always looking for my next quest!

Especially since I'm kind of between gigs right now.

Oh, so you need a job!

Well, I can tell right off the bat

that you're really good at chopping.

Verily.

I even come with references.

Yeah. He is good at chopping.

Well, okay then! Come on, Patrick.

Let's help your new neighbor find a job.

And do we have a big job for you!

Yeah. Granny Tentacles keeps scaring off her gardeners.

Ooh, the plant life grows thick here!

These vines must be stopped

before they choke all life from this hamlet.

Can't get a moment's peace around here.

Ooh, hello there, hippy.

How may I help you?

Help you get off my lawn.

Landscaping, ma'am.

Ooh, I like this!

Excellent work, young man.

Reminds me of the three-headed buzzard I had as a child.

Stay thy reward, madam.

Pat the Hapless is not finished yet.

Now it is finished.

Get off my lawn.

Maybe instead of chopping grass,

you can chop hair!

It's just like chopping heads,

but you aim a little bit higher!

Oop, here comes your first customer!

Give me the works, dude!

Uh...

Hmm. Nuh-uh. Ah!

Nuh-uh. Nuh-uh.

Uh-huh.

Now, small cuts and... ...small talk.

Uh...

so, slay any good enemies lately?

No. But I slayed some waves with my surfboard earlier.

Plague season is pleasant here.

Much better than my old realm.

There, your mighty mane is vanquished!

Far out, dude!

Love the luscious locks!

Could you just take a little off the top, my man?

There, top is off!

Pat The Hapless gladly accepts tips

in form of dragon's teeth, wizard's ears, and demon claws.

Yo! Manager dude!

What seems to be the problem?

This guy cut me way too short!

I'll be taking my head and my business elsewhere, dude.

Mr. The Hapless...

you're fired!

Where can a barbarian find steady employment?

Oh, Beelzebass,

this truly is the worst dimension of all!

I hear you, buddy.

No one can find a job in this "econo-mommy."

Aww. Come on, pal.

Don't be Pat the Hopeless!

Hmm, if only there was a place

where a savage barbarian would fit in

in these modern times.

Uh, what about that place?

Welcome, one and all, to Barbarian Times restaurant!

Kelp swill! Get your kelp swill!

You'll love this place. The chopping is great here.

Ooh, and lookie-lookie!

Ye olde help wanted!

Have at thee!

Ooh!

Yes!

Pat the Hapless will work at Barbarian Times!

This will be a perfect job for a mighty warrior!

Ugh, Crog-forsaken stains.

Oh, buck up there, bud.

It'll only get better from here!

You there, new guy!

Less griping and more wiping!

And make sure you get that spot.

And that spot.

And that spot!

Take that!

Beelzebass.

He's the one who banished me to this dimension!

I'll have your head!

Ooh! This is the best job Mother ever forced me to take!

Leedle-leedle-leedle-leedle-lee!

Rogue employee!

-Out of my way! -Ow!

Your reign of management ends here!

Oh, poo.

What'd I miss?

Bravo! What a performance. Love the improv!

Rejoice, villagers.

Pat The Hapless hath freed you from this tyrant!

Mother will not be pleased.

Hear ye. Hear ye!

By sacred tradition of this chain restaurant,

he who beheadeth the manager

becometh the new manager!

A promotion! On his first day!

Our little barbarian's grown up so fast.

Thank you, lackey!

Now tend to table 34.

You, scrub harder!

Don't forget thine hairnet!

Bring forth the graph of earnings!

By the power of Crog,

we shall never be short-staffed again!

It's time!

There you are, you old soldier.

Now, may I have this dance?

- Patrick!

What in Neptune's knickers are you doing in here?

-Oh, well, I'm-- -No time!

I need to do my business

and I need to do it right...

Never mind.

Missed my launch window.

Mmm! Nothing like a steaming hot bowl

of old man gruel to start the day!

Now just a spoon and I'm in business!

Thank you, GrandPat, but I don't need a spoon.

That hit the spot.

Just great! Now I gotta eat chewing food.

Okay. Now where'd I leave those dentures?

Oh, hi, Se�or Chompers!

What are those chompers chomping on today?

It ain't no mystery what these chompers are chomping.

Most people call it lunch!

Well, I call it a rock!

Eh, same difference!

My dentures!

Oh, boy! So tasty!

The end!

Wow, what a show!

That's it!

I gotta find some way to get this kid outta my hair!

Quite the show, eh, GrandPat?

Yeah, cute.

But aren't you too old for puppet shows?

Too old?

Hey, Bunny and Cecil!

What would you think of a grown-up,

able-bodied young man

who's still living at home with his mommy and daddy?

Ugh, I think it's just sad

when some full-grown man-child

takes advantage of their parents!

Agreed! And I'd like to add--

Hold that thought, Bunny.

Do you have a three of barnacles?

Are they talking about you?

You are a full-grown man-child mooching off his parents.

Tough break, kid.

Sounds like Mom and Dad

don't want you living at home anymore, hmm?

They don't want me here?

Fine!

Oh, uh, what were you about to say earlier?

Oh, just that we love having Patrick here

and he can stay with us as long as he likes.

I don't want to be where I'm not wanted!

Oh, I can't wait to move in here.

It's gonna be one sweet pad.

Patrick!

I thought you were leaving forever?

Well, I don't know where to go.

When in doubt, just ride the rails.

-Ride the rails? -Sure!

Just hop on a train somewhere and you'll find your fortune!

You'll see.

Okay. If you say so.

Attaboy! Back to my renovating.

How long until I find my fortune?

Hmm. Not what I had in mind, but I can work with this.

So long, Patrick!

Have a nice life!

It's for times like these

that they made the blues.

Anybody have any AA batteries?!

What? That's not a rock!

I can't show up to the rock, paper, scissors tournament

with this!

I need the perfect rock.

Says here this is a rock, Captain.

Rock detected. Rock detected.

He's got rocks for brains.

Fascinating. But that'll never work.

Right this way. Watch your step.

Pat-Tron, send him home.

Okie-dokie!

Wait!

I don't have a home.

Maybe I could... stay here with you?

Hmm, how much do you know about rock, paper, scissors?

I have a tournament coming up, and--

Oh, I'm great at that!

I always choose rock.

They never see it coming.

Genius!

Clearly I have much to learn.

Pat-Tron!

Add our new crew member to the Chore Wheel.

Chore wheel?

Yes, of course!

We each have a certain share of responsibility--

I can't live like this!

-Oh, look! A falling star.

Are you gonna make a wish?

My wish already came true.

Patrick left, and I got this sweet new bachelor pad.

Now who wants some more prune juice?

Top me off, please.

What? What did he say?

Can I live with you?

I always knew this day would come.

Yes. Yes, of course!

Come with me!

You can sleep here, in my bed.

Thanks. . But, um, where will you sleep?

Oh, I won't sleep.

I'll just watch you sleep--

I mean, I'll just be here if you need anything.

Extra blankets, warm milk, back rub...

Oh, can you turn the music down a bit?

I usually try to get a full 22 hours.

Oh, that's just Master performing his nightly ritual.

Keeps him limber.

Every night? This isn't gonna work out.

I'll never... ...wash these sheets again.

A long, long, long while later...

If I knew running away was gonna be this hard,

I never would have done it.

Huh?

Oh...

Oh, look at them.

They seem to be having a good time.

I'd give anything to live in a nice house like this.

Now you sit tight, twinkle toes.

I gotta take care of the "gar-bahge."

Yes! Nothing but street!

Uh, oh!

Hey there, weary traveler.

Boy, you look like you've seen better days!

How 'bout a nice hot meal?

Really, mister?

You would do that for a lonely stranger like me?

So yummy!

It tastes just like the trasheroles

my mom used to make back home!

What a coincidence!

This was our son's favorite dish too!

Before he left home to go find his fortune.

Speaking of our ol' boy,

our new guest looks to be the exact same dimensions!

I bet you'd fit into his old clothes perfectly!

Great idea, Cecil!

Let's get our new friend all cleaned up!

Okay! I'm all set!

Cecil! Are you seeing what I'm seeing?

I see it, but I don't believe it.

The clothes fit perfectly!

And speaking of perfect fits,

I know we just met

and this may sound a little crazy,

but what would you say to living here with us?

Yeah!

I always keep some adoption papers around just in case!

After all, a stranger is just a son

you haven't adopted yet!

You know, there's something about being here

with the two of you that really makes me feel at home!

I'd love to stay here...

and call you Mom and Dad!

Aww...

Hey, Patrick.

Oh. Hi, Squidina.

Yet another glorious day without...

I'm so happy I found you!

Me too!

...Patrick.

Well, it was fun while it lasted.

No point sticking around now.

Time for me to ride the rails.

Oh! And that's why I always carry extra batteries.

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