Original subtitles

♪

- Ouch! - Oh, come on.

Mom, it was not that bad.

It was worse than bad.

What happened to you?

Oh, shopping with Sandra!

She's taking this junior prom thing to a whole 'nother level!

I think we raised a prom-zilla.

Aw, baby, she, she took me to four different malls,

we went to 12 different stores.

Oh, that feels so good.

Then she, she, she, she tried on like 15 different dresses,

10 pairs of shoes.

All to go back to the very first mall we went to,

to buy the first three dresses we tried on nine hours ago!

I got some junior prom dresses!

Whoa, three different dresses?!

How many dates do you have?

I couldn't narrow it down.

You couldn't narrow it down, so you spent money

on three different dresses?

Okay, how do you like this dress?

Too much back. Take it back.

What?! Okay.

Ooh, ooh, okay.

How about this one?

It kind of looks like a disco ball, right?

Nope, too much front. Take it back.

- I told you. - You didn't even

see the front yet. - Take it back.

Oh, okay, okay.

I got you, I got you.

How about this one?

No! Too much everything! This stuff better be 90% off

because there's hardly any material on anything.

Okay, so am I supposed to be dressed like a nun then?

You are being ridiculous! You cannot hide beauty.

And ask me how I would know.

How do you know?

Anastasia, you better quit sashaying around my husband.

- It's junior prom, Dad. - Who's your date?

Ooh, Adam "Dreamy" McPherson.

He's on the basketball team.

- I don't like him. - You don't even know him.

- Yo, guess who needs a tuxedo? - Who?

Your boy!

I've just been asked to the junior prom

by Brenda "Boom Boom" Boudreux.

What?! What is a boom boom?

You know, boom boom.

What?

Yo, yo, yo, it's the girl everybody wants to know

and she want to know me.

Damn, I see why they call her Boom Boom.

♪ Boom boom ♪

♪

♪ No matter what you do, I love you ♪

♪ No matter where you go, I'm behind you for sure ♪

♪ Always remember, blood ain't never water ♪

♪ We'll make it if we stay together ♪

Ah, you look beautiful, baby. I love it, yeah.

Here's what we're gonna do, right?

We gonna take the waist out,

and then we gonna close up this slit.

Dad, I want to look irresistible.

Oh no, that's it.

Somebody find me a designer straight jacket.

- Got my tux. - Can't wait to see it, Phillip!

Hold on a minute, now why Grandpa don't look

all tired out like me?

Where you take him shopping? -

We went to that One Stop Shop and Spa.

You been to that spot? - Oh yeah, yeah, yeah,

that's my spot, that's my spot!

Yeah, yeah, you can get a fade, a shave, BOGO suits,

wing tips, two spirits of Old Spicey,

a lemon drop foot massage from exotic ladies

all for a small tip.

I gave her a tip alright.

I said, "Don't forget the corns. "

So you got your dogs massaged while you waited?!

I got my dogs, bunions, hammer time,

and they give you a chilled glass of moonshine

to set you straight.

Next time, you're taking Sandra.

I'll take Philip!

I'ma go in the back, hit the bubble bath

with the little goodie bag they gave me!

They didn't give us a goodie bag.

My dogs hurt.

Alright, bam.

Pink!

It's player.

So you're going to a players ball?

No, Grampa Vinny stole it off of a mannequin.

I didn't want to tell him let's go somewhere else

because he seemed too relaxed.

That looks just like my third husband's favorite suit

that I buried him in because I hated it so much

I didn't want to ever see it again.

Uh, you know what?

I think Jeremy has a bow tie and a cummerbund

that's not corpse-ish.

I can take a few decades off that.

So, those are the colors for you and Brenda Boo-drawals?

No, it's Boom Boom Boudreux. Boom Boom.

Sandra, why you call her that?

Because her stuff's always hanging out,

she got a new bae every weekend,

and everybody knows she's a clout chaser.

Philip ain't got no clout!

Thanks, Mom.

Sandra, stop hating.

Brenda's fire.

Okay, well you better hope you don't get burned.

'Cause there are some things a water hose can't put out!

That was good, Mom.

Leaves his plate on the table.

Philip, you left your phone down--

Right nasty!

Babe, I'm about to take Philip--

To the clinic, if he messing with this skank.

- Philip?! - My baby.

Yeah, Dad? Oh, I was looking for that.

She fine, right?

Hey! What you neck me for?

- Who is this? - That's my bae.

We're going to the junior prom together.

What, no you ain't. Not over my dead body.

Ma, Ma, Ma everybody takes photos like that.

What's the big deal?

She, right here, is a hoochie mama!

She looks like a hoodrat.

But she's not. That's the thing.

It's just a sexy pose.

Look a little triple X to me.

Ma, you know the rules. You're not supposed to look

through a man's photos. - Bruh, you ain't a man!

Babe, I got it, let me talk to him.

Okay.

But you better tell him ain't no skanks coming up

in this family. Huh!

'Cause we done invested way too much time, money,

effort, prayer, hallelujah up in here,

just throwing it all away on some girl

who trying to trap my baby!

Not on my watch.

And I'm looking at every last one of them photos!

Dad, tell her she can't do that.

There better not be nothing worse in here than that.

I got you baby, I got it, alright?

Okay.

She acting like I'm trying to put a ring on it.

Look Son, what do you like about this girl?

No, what do you like about her on the inside?

I haven't got to that part yet.

Boy, you better not be getting to any parts!

That is not your nice, wholesome wife.

No, not literally on the inside.

I mean, like, what do you like about her

that's not on the outside?

What?

Okay, do you feel a certain way when you're around her?

Are we looking at the same picture?

Okay, alright, I get it.

She's cute, okay. But we don't want you doing

nothing stupid on your prom night, alright?

Yeah, yeah!

'Cause I ain't raising no mini skanks up in here, honey!

I ain't even grayed yet, I'm too young to be anybody's

grandmama!

Dad, Brenda's cool. A lot of people are jealous

because she gets a lot of attention.

I got this.

You know your boy got game.

Hey!

Son, if you are seriously into this girl,

I'm going to give you something so you don't get nothing.

Like what?

Come on, take a walk with your father.

So look, son, these girls,

they a little bit aggressive, alright?

Now, I'ma give you something to make sure you good.

I don't want no problems.

This is between me and you, okay? Alright, here.

Balloons?

They condoms, Son, alright?

I bought 'em earlier for you today.

Now listen, this is not me giving you permission

to have sex.

But just in case something happens,

I wanted to make sure you protect yourself and her.

Alright?

I got it.

Okay. Hey!

♪

Everyone, gather.

Chop chop.

Let's take a look at junior prom's Mr. Debonaire.

- Alright, boy, that look nice! - Oh my goodness.

Baby, that's what you lookin' like.

Woo, that boy got on my lucky cummerbund,

that mean he gonna get a lot of--

Okay, good looking, Grandpa. You feel me?

Yeah, a whole lot! I mean, a lot.

Dancing, we're talking about dancing.

Dancing, dancing, I'm talking about dancing.

And now get ready to fix your eyes

on our future Miss Junior Prom Queen.

Wow.

Oh my gosh.

-Oh my gosh. - Baby!

- You look so beautiful, Baby. - Thank you.

Now you tell that knucklehead prom date of yours

that I approve of social distance dancing.

The prom isn't until tomorrow night,

but I just had to show them off.

Miss Anastasia, you did a great job.

They look gorgeous and handsome.

Thank you.

Now all we need is a full-length trenchcoat

to cover it all up.

Dad!

This suit a little hot.

I'll be ripping stuff off left and right.

Wait, hold on, sir. You will definitely be not

ripping anything off, okay?

Fine, I'll just burn.

Not like that!

Get y'all minds out the gutter.

Oh my goodness.

No way. This is not happening!

What is it, baby?

A picture of Karla Underwood

with my date and a DM that says, "I ain't going with you".

Mom, I'm getting stood up.

It's okay, baby.

♪

I can't believe he ditched me for Karla Underpants.

Is that what they call her?

Yeah, 'cause every guy is trying to get in her pants.

Except you, 'cause you got your own pants.

I'm not gonna lie. She fine, Ma.

I don't understand why all the bad girls

always get the good guys.

Boys are so stupid-- - And egotistical.

- And insecure. - And selfish.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, why are we hatin' on the fellas?

They go for anything to get a piece so they can say

they had her. That girl's been everywhere.

She gave a boy something he can't give back.

See, that's why you're special,

you don't give every boy a piece.

Oh, I'm known for giving them a piece.

What?!

A piece of my mind.

When I left my fourth husband

and went back to my second, I found out

that he had slept with everyone in the neighborhood.

I even took a woman to the clinic

who thought she was pregnant.

But if I had known he had been messing around with her,

I would have let her know his seed was no good.

Cringy.

Look, I heard he has the rep for hittin' and quittin'.

He didn't deserve you, Sis.

This is so embarrassing.

Now who's going to take me to junior prom?

- Maybe your brother can-- - Make some suggestions.

Look, I'm sorry Mom, but I can't pull up

to the junior prom with a third wheel.

I mean, I'm already a plus one.

Give me a call back when you get this.

Lindor didn't answer.

I also called the deacon's son to see if he's available,

but he liked to borrow money out of the, the collection plate

for his dates.

That sound like stealing.

I have a great idea!

Let's throw Sandra a prom here tomorrow night!

Miss Anastasia, girl, I think that's a fabulous idea!

I love that.

- Oh my gosh. - Now I have to find a date.

Well, good luck with that.

- ♪ - Philip!

Baby, I'm almost finished steaming your pants!

Who bought this boy some pink pants?

Come on, you don't have much time before you--

Go to your grave.

Philip Washington! Get down here right now!

I just heard the angry mom voice. What happened now?

Uh...

What is this?

What is this?

Oh, that's a condom.

It's a funny story, you're gonna crack up.

When Dad gave it to me, I thought it--

When, when, who, when who gave...

When who gave you what?!

Huh?!

Did you just do that? Did you really just do that?

When who gave you what?

Oh, I'm just, I'm just gonna leave.

Yeah, do that so I can talk to your daddy.

Where's the other one?

It's gone.

Oooooo!

Did, did, did, did, did you say the other one?!

Where is it gone to, huh? Where is it gone to?!

Did you use it with that little skank?!

Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, I didn't use it.

I just had 'em just in case something popped off.

Popped off. Popped off...

Just go.

My bad, man. I messed that up.

- You gave him a condom? - Why would I---

Yeah, I gave it to him.

It's a man thing, you wouldn't understand, okay?

Okay, well this a mama thing.

I'm about to walk this condom to Sandra's room

and then it's gonna be a mother-daughter thing.

How about that?! - Relax.

I cannot believe you are condoning sexual activity.

- That's not what I'm doing. - Oh.

Just sometimes when that thing do what it's gonna do

you just gotta be prepared when it starts actin' a fool.

Think about us. You know how we were.

Well, we were--

Well, we weren't--

Well, that was-- - Yeah.

Look, it's reverse psychology, alright?

You get them to think you trust them

and then when they're out they're like,

"Oh, well you know Mom and Dad trust us

so we can't do this." And then they just don't do it.

Well, what if they do it anyway? Hmm?

I didn't think about that.

Jeremy, you cannot make this easy for him.

Okay, look baby, just these girls out there,

they just fast these days.

Oh, oh, so the girls are fast?!

What are the boys? Players, huh?

Pimp daddies?

Alright, okay, you got a point. Alright?

I'm just trying to prevent him from making a decision

that he can be stuck with for the rest of his life.

Next time, baby, can we just,

can we just-- can we discuss this before

making moves like this?

Yeah, yeah.

Alright, well, I'm sorry, okay?

Glow in the dark.

Now, tomorrow it's not gonna be about them.

It's gonna be about this.

You right, we gonna need one of these

'cause we don't need no more mini-me's,

no more little broke best friends, okay?

We almost out the clear.

They about to graduate is a couple years.

♪

Ladies and gentlemen, introducing Pleasant Days'

Junior Prom Queen.

- I feel stupid. - Oh, no.

The only person that should feel stupid

is the boy that ditched you.

He missed a vision of beauty inside and out.

And you know what else?

There isn't one girl at that prom who's gonna feel

more loved than you feel right here tonight.

It ain't gonna happen.

May I have this dance?

I thought you were up north with your aunt?

I couldn't miss this.

Any guy who would stand you up is a fool.

Let's pretend like that didn't happen.

Well, I'm glad it did.

Not too close.

You look fantastic!

Yeah? I got these on sale!

How much?

See, I know how you do it.

Look man, I wanna thank you

for coming through for baby girl.

I really appreciate that, alright?

- I wouldn't miss it. - Y'all have a good time, okay?

Right there.

Oh baby, what do you think Philip's doing?

Same thing we doing. The night is still young.

And so is he.

Well baby, we were young one time.

Mm-hmm, that's why I'm so concerned.

This brings back so many great memories.

- -Here we go again.

I remember when I was crowned prom queen.

Oh, I beat that Betty Miller.

Well, tonight, you are my prom queen.

Oh, thank you, Your Honor.

So, what do you make of your special night?

I remember prom.

Did you take a hot mama with you?

Yes, I took my mama.

She was a chaperone.

I wore bright orange and she wore white.

Together, we looked like a Creamsicle.

Wow, no invite?

Philip?

Okay, don't tell me you got ditched

by Brenda Boo-drawals.

No, I got up outta there.

You were right, that girl wasn't all that.

And not every girl deserves a piece of me.

Plus I wasn't going to miss your prom.

♪

Love this song.

- May I have this dance? - Ooh.

Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to give honor

to our beautiful Sandra.

Believe it or not, that boy did you a favor tonight.

He didn't deserve to have you on his arm.

- Here, here. - Here, here.

Thanks, Dad.

Thank you, everyone. I mean, this is really special.

No other girl in school can say she had a personal prom

thrown just for her.

And Lindor, thank you.

Of course.

And now we would like to crown our beautiful princess

and junior prom queen, Ms. Sandra Washington!

Oh baby!

Alright!

That's so cool, that's cool.

Gorgeous.

Baby, you look just like me when I was your age.

♪

Oh, get it y'all!

♪

♪

♪

♪