Original subtitles

Why do you have a picture of the bus driver on your phone?

Oh! You like him!

- Give me my phone! - Dang, girl!

- I'm going to the mall. - You don't even know him.

- I will be back in one hour. - Fine! I'm coming too!

Cora and I have decided that we would like 98%!

He's trying to take advantage of us.

- What about a 50/50 split? - Sound like a good deal to me.

You and Mr. Brown shake on it.

I knew you was faking!

♪

- Baby, this is so amazing. - Yes, it is!

No, no, I mean, like, this is amazing.

Stop saying that!

"Baby, this is amazing! Baby, this is amaz--"

You've been saying that for hours.

Mr. Brown, you don't understand, man.

We really been hoping for a miracle,

and you just came through and saved us.

Like, we really appreciate you.

Well, you know, I have been known to be miracle-ish.

Well, thank you.

Yeah, you're welcome, my child.

That's the way you do it and say it when you're miracle-ish.

Well, our lawyer looked over the contract.

Everything is good. So, Mr. Brown, go ahead.

You sign it. - Okay.

Leroy M. Brown.

The M is for Making Money, now.

All right.

What's taking you so long, then?

I got to make it look good 'cause Cora,

you know people be forgery-ing my name.

I got to make it official.

And then I'ma come back this way and go back over.

That way, nobody can copy it.

And then you gotta make it look official like this.

- Oh, okay, two-- - Hold on.

Copy that.

And Grandpa.

Mr. Vinny.

- I ain't signing that. - Man, we not doing this again.

Sign the paper. - But why I got to sign?

Because you need running water and I need a bath.

And if that ain't enough to make you sign it, nothing is.

I have a cramp in my hand.

I bet you do from holding that hook for all these years.

Okay, then. Fine.

Thank you.

Man, that's a X!

Man, that's my name.

You gonna sign this paper right now.

I mean it. - Or what?

Or I'm gonna go lay in your bed.

And then after that, I'm calling the Social Security office

and I'm telling them you've been walking around here faking like

you got one hand all these years.

Mm!

- Look at here, son. -I'll do it.

Do not play with a man's disability or his weed, okay?

All right, fine.

So here we are. We have a deal.

This is so exciting!

- We got it here! - You did it, Mr. Brown.

I can't believe we in business again in such a nice place.

- Nice place? - Mm-hmm.

Cora, you looked at this trash?

You gotta have 20/20 vision, Mr. Brown.

Yes, you gotta have faith.

Boy, this place is gonna be so nice.

We're gonna make so much money.

I hope so, 'cause we got $40,000--$40,000 in this--

We are, we are, Mr. Brown. You got to have faith.

I done prayed about it. It's gonna happen.

- While you're praying-- - Mm-hmm?

why don't you pray for this demon right here?

You know that's the devil walking around here.

If he ain't the devil, who else would walk around,

saying they got a hook for all these years

and turns out he got a real hand?

You know, it's freeing not having that hook.

Now I can give you the finger.

Mr. Vinny!

What is wrong with you?

Pew!

Before it's over, I'ma pray all of this out of you.

- You know what, Cora? -Hmm?

I like you.

Oh, that's nice, Mr. Vinny.

- I'm not gonna cuss around you. - Thank you.

But that polka-dot bastard right there?

Mr. Vinny!

I'm gonna say every cuss word I can.

- Starting with this-- - Don't you say it!

♪

♪ No matter what you do, I love you ♪

♪ No matter where you go, I'm behind you for sure ♪

♪ Always remember ♪

♪ Blood ain't never water ♪

♪ We'll make it if we stay together ♪

Uh, wait, wait a minute. Hold up, hold up, hold up.

You talking about this contract here, right?

Well, it says right here-- look at that, look at that.

Says right here that "Money upon signing."

Booyah.

In ya face.

You didn't see that, did you?

- Yeah, uh, Mr. Brown? - Mm-hmm?

Uh, the check?

I ain't got no money.

Say what?

Oh, I thought I was gonna be able to work it off

around here using my sexiness as a lure.

See, I was gonna be the entertainment.

Watch that. Watch it like that.

They'd give a good offer for something like this, Cora.

Come on, now, give 'em the check.

I ain't going over there. He stinks.

He smell like sanitation.

Well, look, as soon as you give him the money,

then we can get the water turned on and I can get cleaned up.

Sounds good.

You give it to him 'cause I'm not going near him.

He probably got--you probably got stink residue on you.

- Thank you. - You're welcome.

Ah, this is amazing! This is amazing!

Here.

Wait a minute. Hold up.

Just hold up one minute. - What?

How the hell we know this check is good?

The check is good.

I don't trust a man with that much damn polka dot on him.

And I don't trust a man that wear solid colors.

- Then we even - All them colors the same.

Who would do such a thing?

Wear clothes with two colors.

Well, who would wear clothes that look like cat vomit?

Oh! Hold on, wait. Grandpa--Grandpa Vinny.

Nah, I don't--I don't like this.

I don't like this at all. - Will you stop it, Grandpa?

No, this--this don't even feel right.

You still gotta take a Dana test.

I'm not taking no test.

Me and Cora stood at that bank for three hours for them

to count that $40,000 worth of change and you gonna take it.

- That's right. - Okay.

Can--can we all just shake hands and--

I'ma just wait for the water to get turned on

before I shake his hand.

Well, I can go and call the plumber right now.

Sounds like a good idea. And then we can get this place

all cleaned up and painted and decorated.

Ooh, yes!

I'm so, so thankful.

Move, baby. - Ooh! You rough!

- Just give me a hug, man. - No, don't.

You stink. I don't want you to--don't put--

don't come over here touching me. That's nasty.

You still stink.

Would you stop that?

Look, guys, this is gonna be great.

I'm gonna call the plumber,

see if he can start working right now.

Yeah, you just do that.

Uh, which one of these gonna be my room?

- Say what? - What?

- What? - What?

- You livin' here? - Yeah, I got money.

I gotta watch my investment. I don't know you like that.

- Oh, damn. - What is it, Grandpa Vinny?

Y'all gonna let this bastard live here?

-Mr. Vinny-- - I know my daddy.

You see--you see what he doing right there?

And you want that in the house?

I'ma tell you right now...

he gonna have me in jail.

Mr. Vinny!

I'ma do like the young people.

If you feel like you want this smoke, come on with it, then.

Okay, well, I will come on with it.

- You ain't harder than me. - Yeah, I'm harder!

If you feel like you want some of this smoke--

Yeah, I feel like I want some of this.

I'm feeling myself.

You can't feel yourself more than I can feel--

Yeah, that's what I want. I want it all.

- You feel it-- - Enough! Enough!

No, no, him in here ain't part of the deal.

My money, and my money, and my $40,000 is part of the deal.

Now jump.

No jumping, Grandpa. You know your knees.

It's my foot gonna be in his ass, not my knee.

Okay, y'all. Mr. Brown, I got you.

Look, we got plenty of rooms. We gonna find you one.

You get him, 'cause I'll take his teeth out and bite him.

I just want a beautiful room.

I need a nice view. - Mm-hmm.

'Cause I'm a "colostrophobic."

I--I--I got the perfect room for you.

Oh, yeah. I get clos--I just go crazy.

We don't want that.

You ever been "colostrophobic"?

I was in the elevator one time. And I went crazy.

Like, I just--

Somebody get me! Somebody get me!

Mr. Brown!

I knocked the snot out of myself.

I got it on his hat. I got it off.

I know damn well you ain't got an old booger on my hat.

- Come on, show me the room. - Okay, yup.

Baby can you, uh, call the kids

and tell them to come downstairs for dinner?

All right.

Well,-- they're not here.

Where are they?

Well, when y'alls was outside, scrubbing down Stank Man...

they went down the road.

Grandpa Vinny, where did they go?

The hell if I know.

You know what? I'm--I'ma call her, baby.

Uh, question.

While y'all dealing with all the drama...

who gonna show me to my room?

Mr. Brown, they trying to find they kids.

Cora, I don't care. I don't know them kids.

Well, I'll help you find a room. Come on.

How you gonna tell me what room? You been here before?

Well, we looked around.

Cora, don't tell me you've been creeping.

Well, maybe.

Sandra, baby, this is your mom.

Where are you? Call me back, okay?

Let me tell you about your kids.

Grandpa Vinny.

They don't listen to no damn body.

- They listen to us. - No, they don't.

That's why I tell you you got to beat that ass.

Beat it in the morning.

Beat it in the afternoon.

Beat it in the middle of the night.

Speaking of that, I need to go to my room.

If you need me, I'll be beatin' it!

Disgusting!

Baby, where could these kids have gone?

I don't know, but we'll find them.

♪

- Cora, we oughta jump him. - Mr. Brown, don't do that.

Don't worry about them doors! They don't work anyway!

- Any luck? - No. I looked everywhere.

Did you clean up anything while you was looking?

This place is filthy.

Mr. Brown!

Where did they go?

They're headed toward the mall.

Oh, excuse me, excuse me, excuse me.

Wait a minute. Why didn't you tell us that?

Because nobody asked me.

Yes, we did.

Well, you did, actually, but I don't give a damn.

- You know what? - Them ain't my kids.

I spent my whole life avoiding kids.

Yeah, we know.

I got a pocket full of condoms.

Look, y'all are nuts, this is crazy.

The kids, they're grounded immediately.

Well, look, this is the country.

They can't get into no trouble.

Ah, I don't know about that.

What?

I remember when I was about 13 years old.

And then I--I--

Was grabbed, tagged, and put in a zoo.

That--that's--you so ignorant.

That ain't--this a serious story.

I'm sorry. Go ahead.

Like I was saying, I was 12 years old.

No, you weren't. You said you was 13.

Okay, okay. Is this your story?

- No, I'm sorry. - I was there.

Hey, Cora? -Huh?

I ain't never tell you this,

but I was walking through the jungle,

and I was going downstairs in the jungle.

Going downstairs in the jungle?

Come on, just picture me. Stay with me and my story.

And then I went back over. - Okay.

I went back over, and there were some leaves.

And all of a sudden, pew!

- What? - I fell!

What happened?

I fell 1,000 inches.

It was a well, Cora. -What?

I would've died if it had not been for this old dog.

- What--what dog? - Lassie, Cora.

That's not helping this situation, Mr. Brown.

I was so cold.

All I had was a rock and some water.

And I put that rock in there.

And I made rock soup.

That's it. I'm calling the police.

No need. I already called.

No, no, no. Y'all--y'all need to relax.

It's just them damn kids. Who the hell cares?

And it's the country. I mean,

they can't get in no trouble here.

- Ah! - Mr. Vinny!

That's what my daddy thought.

And then, when I fell in that well, I didn't tell y'all...

people were dead in there.

People have woke up dead! - Would you stop it?

But I--I'm alive. You see I'm alive.

I could've been dead. - Mr. Brown, would you stop?

Cora, I could've been dead, sleeping in my grave.

But the Lord saw fit--

What's going on? And where's his hook?

Don't worry about that.

We were looking for you and your sister.

I was at the mall.

Did you ask somebody if you could go somewhere, boy!?

Look, look, I was just following Sandra!

- Well, where is she? - I don't know.

I thought she'd be here.

What do you mean? You said you were following her.

She got in a car with the bus driver.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, what?

Wait a minute, son.

Now, you said she got in the car with who?

Uh, our bus driver.

And who is he?

I don't know. We just met him this morning.

Oh, Lord.

Okay, wait, I'm calling the police again.

No, no, no, no, no, hold up. Don't do that.

Why?

The bus driver is the sheriff's son.

Okay, and how old is he?

Eighteen.

All right, well, my daughter is 17

and she's not supposed to be out.

Well, then, just let me call the sheriff, okay?

That's why she's so happy. She running around here happy

'cause she running around with some boy, huh?

- Well... - Well what?

You kind of were doing the same thing--ooh!

Now is not the time!

It was never the time for that.

You just don't know when to be quiet, do you?

I'm just saying.

Hey, Sheriff, how you doing, baby?

You all right?

What you wearing?

Grandpa Vinny, I thought you were calling a sheriff.

Oh-ho, I thought you said Cheryl.

Oh, my god.

Girl, I'll call you back. Stay naked.

That's it. I'm calling the police.

Now you done made her upset. Now everybody know you don't

make a woman that's upset more upsetter.

- Mr. Brown! - What, Cora?

Shh!

Shush is for the ears, not the eyes, Cora.

What?

Nah, you shushing at me when that lil' fast-tailed girl

done ran off and done-- - Mr. Brown?

-What? - This is not our business.

I bought in 50%, so it is my business.

Well, can you give me 100% of shut up?

Oh, here she comes.

Cora, here she comes.

Ooh, this 'bout to be good. Don't you love

when they walk in and they don't know

they gonna get a whooping? - Will you stop that?

She don't even know it.

She don't know she gonna get a whoop--

We can hear you.

Oh, I'm not whispering?

No.

She gonna get a whooping.

Hi.

Baby!

Ooh!

Sandra?

Yes?

Where have you been?

Well, I was doing my homework, and then I went to the mall.

Uh, who says you can go to the mall?

- Mm. - Well, I never asked back home.

Yeah, that's when we were three blocks away.

We're not home.

Well, I didn't think it would mean anything--

Were you with a boy!?

Yeah.

I got to go change my underwear.

Streaked them up.

Are you gonna lie to me? Were you with a boy?

Now--now technically, it was man.

Mr. Brown...

Cora, you hurt my nipple.

You got the Holy Ghost?

- Are you about to lie to me? - I wasn't.

Sandra?

Is that what he said?

I'm--I'm just standing here.

Look, I just told them what I saw.

Look, we need to talk to you, okay?

- Okay. - Mm-hmm. Come on.

- Ooh. - She about to get a whooping.

Now.

Hey, look, girl.

What?

I wouldn't go over there if I was you.

- Mr. Brown! - What, Cora?

They about to tear her tail up.

Go and talk to your parents, sweetheart.

Don't go and talk to your parents, sweetheart.

What are you doing?

Go on and talk to your parents, baby.

- Don't do it. - Don't confuse her.

Go talk to them. - Don't talk to them.

Go on, girl.

- Cora! - What?

Wait, I thought you was a Christian.

I am a Christian.

Well, why are you sending a lamb off to the slaughter?

She shouldn't have lied.

Now you in they business.

Well, suffer the little children to come unto me.

And she needs some suffering today.

'Cause I would tear that tail up.

Cora, you don't know how to whoop.

- Yes, I do. - Show me how you whoop.

Cora, you can't-- you about to have--

Madea used to kick me.

She used to do everything.

That's child abuse.

Don't talk when grown people talking.

Or you gonna be abused. - Right.

And it didn't become child abuse until 1984.

Before that, it was whooping the tail.

That's what we did. We simply whooped the tail.

Say it with me. - Whooped the tail.

Now, you's too proper.

You go to them little private school

where they ain't whipping the tail.

Whoop the tail.

- Whoop the tail! - Whoop the tail!

I--I thought it was tearing that ass up.

- Boy-- - Wait a minute now.

Wait a minute. - Whoa, whoa, whoa, hey!

♪

You wanna tell us the truth?

Okay, fine. I was with Lindor.

What the hell is a Lindor?

Dad, he's such a sweet guy.

Oh, so you got in the car with him.

He's the bus driver.

I'm gonna be getting into the car with him every day.

Mm-mm, mm-mm.

No, no, who are you getting smart with?

Look, what is the big deal?

The big deal is, is that you didn't tell anybody--

Mom!

that you were going anywhere. No!

I need you to listen to me!

Sex trafficking is at an all-time high!

Kids are disappearing.

They're being kidnapped every single day.

And you should've told somebody you were going

some-- --where.

Come on, baby.

Mom, I'm sorry.

You're grounded.

What? Dad?

Look, you heard what your mother said.

You're grounded.

But--but this is so unfair.

Look, what you did by worrying us was not fair.

I mean, look at us. Look at your mom.

- But-- - Look, you're grounded.

- But-- - No, no, no, no.

I don't wanna hear it. - Well, I--I--

- Go to you room. - I don't have a room here.

I share it with Philip.

Yeah, well go to that room and get out of my face.

♪

Okay. It's alright.

♪

What's going on with her?

It's okay, baby. Come on.

I just--

I know.

♪

I gotcha, baby. I gotcha.

Come on.

♪

♪