Original subtitles

Mom, I'm entering a poetry contest

to win a membership to the Lambda Poet Society.

All the smart kids are in it but me,

but they say that once you're in this club,

the top colleges come knocking down your door.

Well, let's hear it.

Okay.

Hunger overtakes as her feeble body breaks.

Her tummy growls for food, it's got an attitude.

Finally, her inner man screams, "Gimme some bacon!"

What'd you think?

I think I'm hungry.

Was that the point?

Somebody is honking like they got somewhere to go.

This is not New York.

Efe, you look like you were attacked

by a pack of angry wolves.

More like a colony of dung beetles.

What happened?

The paparazzi.

They can't get enough of me.

Efe, don't tell me you on the run.

We ain't hiding no fugitives.

The hell's going on in here?

Y'all hiding Elvis?

You know they say he's still alive.

Somebody tell me what's going on.

We are in the presence of a real life hero.

What the hell?

A video has gone viral after a man identified as

Efe Omowale heroically saved an elderly woman in a wheelchair

from being struck by a rollaway tractor trailer tire.

Efe the Great is our hero of the week,

and everybody wants a piece of him, including me.

Can I get your autograph, brother?

Hey, did y'all see that crowd out there?

Y'all not running no numbers in here, are you?

Uh, uh, uh, maybe somebody told 'em I was gonna be here.

Y'all think I should give the people what they want?

It's not for you, Brown.

It's, uh, the people want Efe. -What?

- The town hero. -Right.

What did he do, hit the lottery?

No, now. Okay, okay.

So I'm walking down the street by myself, okay,

whistling "Oh, Happy Day".

Then all of a sudden, I saw it, a large tractor tire

topple from a tow truck.

Then I saw her. - Who?

An old lady in a wheelchair

pushing her way across the street.

I knew I had to get to her.

So I took off running.

I run past a wiener dog,

which is that dog that looks like a hot dog.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

I run past the wiener dog,

I jumped over a construction barrier.

I almost lost my shoes.

Anyway, I got to her in the nick of time,

and I pushed her out of the way of the large tractor tire.

- Oh! -Wow!

Wow, Efe, that must've took a lot of courage, Efe!

Oh, well, my manly instincts kicked in.

Well, mine don't usually kick in until I've had

some liquid courage, man.

It will all blow over any minute, I hope.

Yeah.

Efe, can I have your baby?

Man, you hear that?

The last time a woman said that to me,

we was on the warm sandy island of Beulah.

Beulah Island? Where is that?

It's a private island on Beulah's private body.

Guys, it's really not a big deal.

Well, if it's not a big deal, Efe,

what is a deal?

I call it cha-ching!

Cashing in on your 15 minutes of fame!

Yeah, I'm with Vinny.

I think we should start a Efe the Great empire.

Yeah!

All hail the King Efe!

All hail the King Efe!

All hail the King Efe!

All hail the King Efe!

♪

♪

♪ No matter what you do ♪

♪ I love you ♪

♪ No matter where you go ♪

♪ I'm behind you for sure ♪

♪ Always remember ♪

♪ Blood ain't never water ♪

♪ We'll make it if we stay together ♪

These flowers just keep coming in!

All these flowers for King Efe the Great!

Tell you what, I don't know

what I'm gonna do with all this stuff.

- Check. - Got that, mm-hmm.

It has a card on it that says "Join me on a bed of roses."

Got some freaks out there.

I mean, these women is crazy!

So are these more gifts, too?

Oh, no, nah.

Oh, no, this is the start of our We-Bay empire.

We got a whole suite of Efe the Great products.

Tell 'em, Brown!

Okay, we got Efe the Great hats.

- We got hats. - We got foam fingers.

- Check. - Bobbleheads.

-Check. - And shirts.

Shirts, look at this.

Oh, and we have a limited edition

of Efe the Great body oil.

Smell that. Smell just like Efe.

It does smell like Efe!

We call it Efe Sweat.

Now, wait a minute.

Have y'all talked to Efe about all this stuff?

Cora, we don't need no opinions right now.

We gotta strike while the flat iron is hot.

-I'm telling you-- - I think y'all going too far.

Going too far?

I'm going for a yacht in Tahiti,

where the drinks ain't the only thing bottomless!

I gotta figure out what to do with all these gifts.

Okay, one more?

Do it again. We have to cut...

Yeah, yeah, oh, yeah.

Peach in it, got peach in it, yeah.

We got a lot of stuff here.

How many bobbleheads you got? Oh, one, two, three?

Okay, yeah.

Auction these off.

Uh-huh, we can do that.

Oh man.

And, Efe?

He ain't gotta...

Oh my god, who the hell is that?

What the hell is going on?

Hey!

Hey! It's me, Efe!

Brown, what the hell you gonna do with a apple?

An apple?

Yeah, I was gonna stuff him.

He built like a hog.

Well, this is how I conceal my fame from the public.

Efe! There you are.

You have a 4 o'clock with the TCN Network tomorrow afternoon,

and the city of Atlanta wants to discuss

naming a street after you.

Reginald, what are you doing?

What any good agent should,

looking for the best interests of his client.

I didn't know you were my agent!

Oh, well, you do now.

Hello.

Yes, it is.

It's the White House.

Oh!

I didn't want all this attention.

I just did what any good citizen would.

Look, Efe, I know it's hard being the center of attention,

and everybody can't handle fame like I can,

but don't worry about it, man.

You'll be right back to your same boring-ass dull self

in no time!

No, I'm going to go out there right now

and tell them all to go away!

Brown, Brown, Brown!

No!

You run that fast from there?

Yeah, I'm lightning.

Okay, listen, you let me handle the fans.

You just go to your room and relax,

and be the broke famous king you are.

Okay, thank you, Mr. Brown.

It's a good idea.

- That's right, I try to help. - Ooh, that was close.

We gotta get this stuff and stand there

while we still got fans.

Come on! - Let's get outta here.

Hurry up, Vinny!

He might change his mind. Shoot.

"I don't want to be famous."

"Join me in a bed of roses"?

Oh!

Sound good, and God bless America.

Great news, Efe!

The US Veep called.

Want to discuss putting your face

on a three-dollar bill.

♪

Violets are blue, roses are white,

let me in your club, or y'all ain't right.

No, ooh, winter is cold, old people are old.

I'm cute, let me in your club.

It's like a madhouse out there.

They got Grampa Vinny and Mr. Brown on crowd control,

and only way I can get through is, "Hey, hey, hey, security!

I'm security, I'm security!"

Okay, okay, wait, wait, wait, listen to this, okay.

The stars are like pebbles, they shine so bright.

Like freaks, they come out at night.

I'm cute, let me in your club.

You ain't write that, did you?

Man, I can't do this.

You right, you can't.

I'm sorry, do what, do what?

Get into the Lambda Poets Society.

Look, they throw the best parties,

and I need this on my resume.

Good luck.

Where you going?

I'm going to the mall.

I heard Sheila Wellsby is supposed to be there.

Wait a minute, Sheila Wellsby?

She's in the poetry club!

She is?

If I win this contest, I get a free 30-day membership,

and after that, if they like me, I'm in it for life.

I hope you don't have to write a poem to get in!

Uh, when is the submission due?

Midnight tonight.

Hey, maybe you can talk to her for me.

Yeah, sure, I can.

Okay.

Just gotta get her to notice me first.

♪

Man, we cleaned up!

Yeah, we did good!

Hey, we keep going like this,

I'd be able to pay this place off.

Oh, man, those bobbleheads and body oil

went faster than a hooker in an abstinence camp.

I can't believe they paid that much for that stuff.

Good day, my brothers!

What are you up to?

- Reading. - Chilling.

- We reading. Just reading. - Chilling.

Mm-hmm, chilling and reading.

Woo, you guys was right!

When I tell y'all that Efe gear is just going!

I thought the wait--

Hey!

Hey!

Hey!

Hey!

So you people have been selling me out!

How?

Oh, my own brothers!

Okay, Efe, Efe, Efe, Efe, calm down.

Listen, we building an Efe empire.

Come and walk with me.

Imagine a place where you can eat as often as you want

as much as you want and have people waiting on you

hand and foot.

Imagine that in your mind.

That is a life of a lazy person, huh?

Efe, we just trying to cash in your popularity

because you're too foolish not to.

And what will you do with all the money, hmm?

Right, good question.

Didn't you hear what Brown just said?

I'm trying to spend my retirement days

in the land of milk and honey, man.

Come on, work with me!

Ooh, okay.

So you people are trying to take my 15 minutes of fame

and turn it into 15 millions of fortune!

Yep.

Yeah, now you see what we're doing.

I've got to say, that is a good idea.

Yeah, that's what we doing.

But you cannot let a penny lost.

So I suggest we keep this in a safe place.

- Like where? - A safe.

There is one in my room.

The code is 7, 7, 7, 93, 11.

- What you mean, a safe? - I said a safe now.

Am I not speaking English? - I thought you said self.

- No, I said safe. - I thought you said self, too.

That money gonna be gone in a minute.

Ah, Miss Cora, no, now.

I'll make sure it is well taken care of.

Damn!

Damn, damn, damn!

Say damn, Brown, say it!

Damn!

I told y'all!

Okay, I think my poem is finally ready for submission.

Sandra is trying out for her school's poetry club.

Hmm.

It's not just any club, Dad.

It is the club of all clubs.

Well, let's hear it. Come on.

Okay.

Okay, it's called "The Dirty Brown Shoes".

Okay.

The sun is falling down,

singing, "Boo-hoo."

Kinky curls, in them dirty,

dirty brown shoes.

The shadows, they cringe.

A cow moos.

"Moo!"

The ocean, it's calm, it's sleeping, you know?

In them dirty, dirty brown shoes.

See the moon on the other side way up high.

I mean, so, so high.

I mean, you can kind of barely see it, but it's okay.

It's not a twinkle.

It's a wrinkle in them dirty brown shoes.

Them dirty brown shoes.

Thank you.

You like it?

Oh, uh, yeah,

it is definitely unforgettable.

Won't be another one like it.

I don't know if it's gonna stand out,

but it won't stand a chance.

It had a...

Ooh, the moon and the wrinkling.

Honey, child, hmm.

Where did she get the brown shoes from?

I don't know.

♪

Somewhere around here.

Betcha.

Mr. Brown, what are you doing?

Cora, I think somebody done stole the king's money!

- Mr. Brown, put that down! -Cora--

I'm sure that's not what happened, Mr. Brown.

Cora, I think one of them crazed fans

went in there and stole that money

right from under Efe, and they probably down at

the Rob Ya Blind pawn shop spending it now!

Oh, you need to calm down

before you get your pressure all up, Mr. Brown!

Cora, that's easy for you to say.

I'm not ready to kiss that brand-new Cadillac

that I was gonna put on layaway goodbye!

Mr. Brown, before you pay that Cadillac off,

you'll be standing at the pearly gates

begging Jesus to let you in!

Ain't no sign of the damn money!

Where's my bat? - Your bat?

Yeah, I'm going upside somebody's head!

Messing with my chunk of cheese! - Chunk of cheese?

How much money are you talking about?

It was $15,000!

$15,000?

I ain't made that kind of money that fast

since I rigged the slot machines

down at Chico's Casino and Catfish!

Come on now!

Anybody seen Efe?

No.

He was a no-show for The Tomorrow Show.

When is he supposed to be there?

Today!

It cost me 10% of what would've been a $3,000 payday.

- ♪ I know you-- - Efe!

- Eh? - Where have you been?

My phone has been ringing off the hook!

We've been looking all over for you!

We were about to put out an APB for you!

More like a PAB, a public ass beating!

Man, where's my money?

Ah, hold on, it is in safe hands.

Oh, yes, Lord, it's in safe hands.

Yes.

Good, 'cause somebody's about to get

a raw beatdown, man, come on now!

And find yourself another agent, I quit!

Although I still want my 10%.

For what? I didn't do anything!

The emotional stress you put me through!

The amount of hours it took to make you sound

a little less boring than you actually are.

Okay, okay, okay, look, look.

How about I make a statement to my fans on the social feed?

Okay, all right.

I guess that will have to do.

At least I'll be able to save face.

Hmm.

Well, I have an idea.

I can do a video of you guys and put it on the Elder-gram.

- Oh, yeah, I like that! - I like that, yes!

Yeah, yeah, yeah!

Can we stand in the back like we fans?

If you must.

But, but, but, I'm sure you guys will be very excited

what I have to say to you first. -Oh, yeah, okay.

Take a seat right there, take a seat.

- Come on, Vinny, get in here! - Oh, oh, okay, yeah.

Might be some biddies on the 'gram!

I get to show my left side!

And you can introduce me to the world

as the agent to heroes.

Okay.

I thought you quit.

I re-hired myself.

All right, you guys ready?

Yeah, Cora, video good!

And, action!

Hello, Georgia.

Thank you for the show of love you have given to me.

I want to let you know

that today was a very special day.

Hey, mama!

East side, west side, north side, to the backside

and the frontside!

Hey, Miss Clara!

Ah, shush, shush!

Because of your giving hearts and the hard work of

these hard-working men behind me,

we were able to donate $15,000

to the Elderly Holy Rollers Wheelchair Foundation!

- What the-- - Halt, cut!

Wait a minute, you gave away our money?

And my retirement plan?

Yes, you should not have taken advantage of my fame!

Mm-hmm.

So I went to the safe, took it out,

and used the money for the greater good.

I got your damn greater good, Efe.

Got your damn greater good.

What I'ma do about my Cadillac?

- Somebody owes me a commission. - Assist his seat.

I told 'em to ask you about all this stuff.

Great job, great job!

Thank you, Miss Cora, thank you.

Oh, wonderful donation.

Oh, I know they happy.

Danger, wheelchair!

♪

Oh, honey, what's wrong?

Philip's wrong.

Did he charge you a fee to carry your bags again?

No, worse.

He embarrassed me.

Philip.

What'd you do to your sister?

Yeah, tell them what you did.

He entered the contest without me knowing.

Look, I only did it because Sheila Wellsby

is in the club.

The same Sheila he was supposed to be putting in

a good word for me with!

Dad, how do you put in a good word

if the girl won't let you get a word?

Oh, I have a word for you.

Selfish.

Philip, you know you shouldn't have done that

without telling your sister first.

Come on, man.

I ain't think I was gonna win!

You won?

Come on, come here!

What?

Excuse me.

Boy!

I told you that boy got talent.

Oh, yes!

Yeah, man. Yeah!

Well, he wouldn't have won if he didn't enter the contest.

And my poem was really, really good, right, Mom?

Okay, and Dad thought it was good, too.

Yeah.

You talking about "Dirty Brown Shoes"?

How y'all let her?

Look, look, I didn't think they were gonna love my poem.

I thought it was so bad, I titled it "Loser".

Tell your sister you're sorry.

I did, the whole ride here.

Yeah, well, sorry won't get me into the club.

Look, you still got the associate's pass.

It's pretty much the same thing, just with limited privileges.

I mean, there's no meetings, no fundraisers, no parties,

and she can't go to the gala in Hawaii.

I mean, that is the same thing!

Ooh.

Um, honey?

Honey!

She been doing push-ups.

You know you wrong, right?

Look, I only did it until Sheila gives me

some time of day,

or better yet, some time of night.

Ah! - Ah!

Look, look, other than that, the membership is hers.

All right, well, let's hear it.

Hear what?

This winning piece.

All right.

I stand on the shoulders of giants,

trying desperately to reach the stars.

My feet touch the hallowed ground,

treading on hidden scars.

A raged voice echoes in my mind that says that I will lose,

but fast I silence the false defeat

with the winning path I choose.

A loser will not be my lot nor be my cross to bear,

'cause winners journey up mountains and through valleys

that losers do not dare.

It was good, wasn't it?

Hey, I gotta admit, Son,

I don't know what you're talking about,

but it sound good, I'm impressed.

Good, ain't it?

Yup.

What? - What?

Sheila just hit me.

She said she trying to link up,

talking about my poem.

Ah! - Ah!

That's my boy! That is my boy!

Hey, hey, Sandra, the membership is yours!

Where all the fans go?

Like, they here one day and they gone the next.

Sounds like my ex-wife.

Well, the word on the 'gram is there's a new hero in town.

Apparently a guy down the street saved a girl's turtle

from being mistaken as a speed bump

by throwing himself in front of a bicycle

to grab it.

Man, that ain't no hero.

I once brought a goldfish back to life for a little kid

by switching it to one that look just like it.

Ah, my brothers!

How does it feel to be back to your boring-ass life, Efe?

Ah, I cannot tell you--

Then don't.

I'm not much for attention, either, Efe.

That's what somebody say

that don't never get no attention.

Well, what I'm most proud of is that we donated our money.

- You donated our money. - You're no--

- You donated it, though. - Well, wait now.

Just think of all the Holy Rollers

that now have free wheelchairs because of you, eh?

Congratulations!

You have now entered the ranks of heroes at home, eh?

See, hero, hero!

Hey, hero, eh?

Come, come, group hug.

Group hug!

Oh, yeah, come, come, now.

Oh, group hug, yeah?

Yeah, yeah.

I would've much rather had a Cadillac.

♪

♪

♪