Original subtitles

Ooh, just 'cause you're a kid,

don't mean I won't beat that ass, boy.

You goin' down, old man.

Old man? That's good. I like that.

Boy, what are you doing?

What it look like what he doing?

The boy is playing tennis.

Don't get smart with me, Arthur Ashy.

Philip is supposed to be studying for his SAT.

Ah, I was going to,

but then my mind needs to unwind first.

Your mind is just fine.

It's your behind that's lazy.

Let me ask you something?

How you gonna get mad at a lazy person

when they don't do nothing?

I mean, you just be finding stuff.

Hey, yeah, you right, you right, Grandpa Vinny.

Mom, I'm lazy. I own it.

Wait, wait, wait, you always tell me

to own up to things.

He's owning it.

He's owning it.

Grandpa Vinny, you are not helping.

Now, up to your room, Philip.

- Okay, Mom. - Mm-hmm.

- We'll finish later. - Well, well, okay.

Oh, lord, Vinny, you need to go back to sleep.

Look like your face woke up on the wrong side of bed again.

I'm having a nightmare and a short Black bobblehead

ugly man landed in the kitchen.

Mr. Brown, what are you doing here so early?

Oh, I just came by to say hi.

Well, you said hi, now say bye, okay?

Now, look, here, look,

the reason that Philip is not studying

is probably because he feels he doesn't have to.

Maybe he's inherited that genius gene from me.

Who a genius?

-Me! - You?

You definitely ain't no genius.

- Whatever. - Okay, what's nine times five?

- 45. -Is it? It is?

- Yeah. - Ah.

Brown, you making me tired.

I'ma go take a nap.

I hope you forget to wake up.

Go ahead.

Tell her what you asked me.

Can I have $500?

For what?

You buying a car?

Exactly what Dad said.

Shoo!

No, I need a dress.

You have plenty of dresses.

Yeah, I told her that too.

Okay, you guys have been married for way too long.

Look, I need a new dress for my concert.

Everyone's gonna be there and I have to come snatched.

Sandra, we've told you a million times.

We provide your needs.

The wants?

That's all on you, all right?

Check her hearing, please?

This is part of adulting.

You want a new, expensive dress?

Save up your money and buy it.

You can just get a job at the mall,

since you go there all the time.

Okay, I'm a teenager.

I have more pressing matters at hand.

Pressing matters?

Posting selfies on social media is not a pressing matter.

Unh-unh.

So that attitude is why you have,

like, zero followers.

I mean, popping on social is a full-time job.

Ooh.

It's okay, I got it, I got it.

Look, become an entrepreneur.

Get you a side hustle.

Financial opportunities are often hidden in plain sight.

All you gotta do is keep your eyes open,

and, bam, there it is.

Huh, so like, I see your wrinkles

and then I sell you wrinkle cream?

No, like you selling yourself an ice pack for that behind

if you keep talking mess.

Okay, I'm way too old to get a whooping, Dad,

let's be real.

You paying rent?

You gonna get a whooping.

Mm-hmm.

Now go earn some money.

Legally.

Don't you pick up those feet!

Hey.

Hmm?

I got wrinkles?

You so cute.

♪

♪

♪ No matter what you do

♪ I love you

♪ No matter where you go

♪ I'm behind you for sure

♪ Always remember

♪ Blood ain't never water

♪ We'll make it if we stay together ♪

- I hear you need a dress. - How did you know?

If there's one thing about the elderly--

They pay with exact change and love to leave voicemails?

Yes, but also--

They know how to write in cursive

but they don't know how to use a cell phone?

That, too. But I was talking about--

They wear jackets when it's not cold,

eat dinner at lunchtime, and you know,

they always have hard candy in their pockets

with lint on it.

Oh, and they get mad when you don't want to be--

The elderly don't like to be interrupted!

Okay, sorry.

But most of all, the elderly love to gossip.

Vincent told Efe, who told Reginald, who told me

that you, my dear, need a dress for a concert.

So with me being the resident fashion goddess,

I felt it was my duty to come to your aid.

Miss Anastasia, you have no idea!

Thank you so much for buying me a new dress!

No, dear.

Why would I buy you a new dress, when...

I have all of these fabulous ones

from my Hollywood career that you can borrow?

- Oh. - Just fabulous ones.

Okay, look, let me show you this one.

I wore this fabulous garment

to the Oscars!

It was the night that I was nominated.

For an Academy Award?

No, for the robot at the afterparty.

Right, I mean, uh, it's really nice, but--

But what?

This is a couture piece of Hollywood history!

Do you know how many people would die to wear this?

Wait a minute.

Maybe we can sell it.

I mean, I'll take 10% and you pocket the rest,

unless you're planning on wearing all these somewhere.

Of course,

I'm gonna wear this glorious garment

to my big event in the living room

doing crossword puzzles while I pretend to not hear

the foul noises squeaking out of my fellow residents

like a punctured balloon outside.

Okay, all right, fine, we'll sell.

Well, I guess I could sell

the rest of this old memorabilia too.

There's some pretty cool stuff in here.

Are these nunchucks?

Autographed by Bruce Leroy himself.

Don't you mean Bruce Lee?

Oh, no, Leroy was his cousin from Detroit.

I bet we could still get a fortune for them.

I used these in my first leading role

as Black Belt Johnson.

Oh, I would never sell these.

Not in a million years.

They're priceless.

- Hmm? - They're priceless.

Oh, uh, cool story.

Speaking of Bruce,

he gave me this diamond ring

cut in the shape of his kicking foot.

Oh.

Thanks again, Miss Anastasia.

I will put these all online right away.

Okay!

I'm excited!

♪

Philip!

What are you doing?

Look, I know, Mom, I know--

No, you don't know, because if you knew,

you would be somewhere studying

instead of sitting here being lazy!

I can't with you!

I can't with myself!

Boy...

I'm so disappointed!

You better stop playing with me.

That was a great performance.

Great.

Fabulous.

I thought we learned this lesson with chemistry!

I take it you didn't put in the time?

- I know, but-- - You know?

It's nothing. I'll just go study.

Wait, wait, okay, hold on, just have a seat for a second.

You nervous about something?

Me? Nervous?

Okay, she make me nervous.

Look at her!

A lot of people have problems taking tests.

I mean, it happens in our community.

I mean, test anxiety is real.

Yeah, and the big tests can be so tough.

I mean, and we do difficult better than anybody.

I mean, but, sometimes, the test is the problem,

and then other times, it's us, because we don't put the time in

and the effort to prepare for the test.

That's all she's saying, is prepare for the test.

But a lot of standardized tests can be biased.

Wait, people can be biased, but how can a test?

It's literally just paper and ink.

Even though we're scientists, doctors, lawyers, presidents,

there are still stereotypes against our intelligence.

I went through this all though nursing school.

I would stress and worry that if I did poorly on a test,

I'd be conforming to racial stereotypes.

That's what causes self-doubt and anxiety

that causes us to score poorly on our exams.

So what can I do?

Okay, one thing you can do is prepare for the test.

Thank you, Cora.

Being prepared is a cure for nervousness.

What kind of things are you confident about?

We gotta get you ready for this test.

Oh, so like when I'm playing my dad in video games

and I beat him so bad he starts, his eye starts twitching?

Like when he forgets his password?

Or when you tell him

he's washing the dishes wrong, like...

I also heard the test questions themselves

can be biased.

Really, Mom?

It's just math and reading.

Mm.

Philip, let's play a game.

Ask your mother a question about a video game.

Um, Mom, how do you defeat a Kringadon?

- Uh... -A Kringadon?

Kick it in the ding-ding?

Mom, they don't have ding-dings.

Psycho cyborgs are gender-neutral.

See, I'd've failed.

See, she didn't get the question right,

but does that mean your mom is stupid?

Yeah, you better think long and hard

before you answer that question, boy.

No, no, she's super-smart, she's super-smart.

She just doesn't know anything about the game.

Right, right, it's just like taking a test.

Most of the people that make up the test

base it only for their culture.

I feel like everything

is stacked against me, so why should I even try?

I am not gonna let you make excuses.

You are gonna put in the work, Philip.

You're gonna study, and you're gonna pass.

Now get your lazy butt up, go to your room

and get to work.

Just make it a video game.

-Yeah. - You got it.

So just play some video games?

No, study like you would do on the video game.

Study on the video game.

No!

Philip, if you don't get up--

Okay.

and go to your room and study--

A fire has been lit!

Time!

Go get 'em, tiger!

I love you.

Me, too!

OMG, we made a fortune!

$300 for the ostrich feather boa!

I should thrown in my cobra skin thong.

460 for the disco platform shoes with fish tanks.

If only the fish inside weren't dead.

I mean, we made so much money,

I can buy two dresses for my concert.

I cannot believe people were willing to pay

that much money for all of that old stuff.

I can only imagine what we would've made

if I'd be willing to sell my prized nunchucks.

Oh, but I would never do that.

Those are my babies!

Priceless.

$1,000 for your nun--

None of your business.

None of my business?

What you've sold of mine is most certainly my business.

Sorry, couldn't read my writing.

A nun dress.

A nun dress?

You've must've worn it

in your movie "She's Gotta Habit."

I was in that?

Sure, maybe.

I don't know.

Look, um, here's the rest of your money.

Uh, thank you again.

I gotta go, bye!

♪

It's so much of this test is reading.

It's a shame kids don't read like they used to.

What? Yes, we do.

We read all day.

-What? - Look.

"WYD?"

"TBH."

"NVM."

What is that?

"HMU."

Boy, I'm not talking about no ABC soup reading.

I'm talking about real reading, sir.

- Like, reading a book? - Yeah!

- For fun? - Yes.

Ah, that sound like some real back-in-the-day

before TV activity.

Like going outside or talking on the phone.

People still read for fun.

Why?

Watch this.

Excuse me, Miss Anastasia, quick question.

What book are you reading right now?

"Anastasia Unrobed."

Oh.

"The Unauthorized Biography of Anastasia Devereaux."

Now that sounds like fun. That sounds good!

No, it's all lies.

They said that I slept with 100 men.

They're besmirching my reputation!

Well, can you sue them for libel?

I should.

Anastasia Devereaux has slept with at least

triple that amount!

That's TMI.

TMI.

I told you people still read for fun!

Hey, Grandpa Vinny, what's your favorite book?

Uh, let's see, I read "War and Side Piece."

I read that, that's a good book.

I've read "The Great Gat, B."

Read that one.

I also read "Mice and Menthol."

Ooh, this is a real good book.

Um, "To Kill a Mocking Snitch."

Ooh, I love that book!

Couldn't put it down.

Vinny, now what kind of classics are those?

Them hood classics.

You know what, I give up.

I'm gonna take a study break.

I've never heard of that.

Reading is good.

Oh, what you got going on here, Philip?

All that.

Vinny, quit pretending like you read!

Only books you read is picture books.

You know, Brown, I am tired of you

questioning how smart I am.

Spell "smart".

S-M-A-R-T.

Is that right?

Well, you got lucky that time. You just lucky.

Man, what is it gonna take for you to put some respect

on my brain?

Come on now!

Hey, I got an idea.

Why don't you take the SAT with me this morning?

Ooh, I don't know about taking no test.

What? Oh, Vinny scared of something?

You scared?

Oh, oh, okay, all right, I'll take the test

if it'll shut your mouth up!

You gonna take the test?

Yeah, I'll take the test!

You gonna take the test?

Yeah, I'll take it!

The test is today.

Is it today?

This morning.

Boy, this gonna be good, this gonna be good!

He gonna go in there with a Crayola!

♪

Dad, I need help.

Oh, yeah, I been saying that for years.

No, I messed up!

I accidentally sold

Miss Anastasia's favorite nunchucks.

What is an elderly woman doing

with deadly Karate weapons?

They're from one of her movies,

and they're her favorite things in the world or something,

and I accidentally sold them, and I have no idea what to do.

Oh, it's all right.

I'm gonna help you with this.

Thank you, Dad, you're the best.

I know.

Okay, so what now?

Oh, I don't know.

What? I thought you said you were gonna help me!

I am gonna help you

by allowing you to handle this yourself.

You're a blossoming young woman.

You figured a way in, figure a way out.

Uh, why the sad face?

Oh, you finally realized that part of your DNA

comes from Vinny, huh?

No, I'm trying to contact someone on this website,

and they're not answering any of my messages.

They have some random profile name,

and I can't track them down, and I don't know what to do.

Oh? Oh, that's easy.

Uh, go to their profile and look in their post.

Sometime they'll put the contact information in there.

Really?

Really.

You see it?

Wait, their contact number is listed!

-I'm a genius. - Okay, so what do I do?

Do I just call them

and ask if they could give the item back?

Well, sometime people don't never be nice.

When they over there,

sometime they really good and nice.

You know, try it.

They'll understand. Just try.

Okay.

This is Leroy S. Brown.

The "S" is for, so how can I help you?

Wait a minute.

You are Testa-mints?

Yeah, yeah, uh, I sell breath mints

with Bible scriptures on 'em.

Breath is good all the time.

This is a miracle!

I can't believe you bought the nunchucks!

Yes, I did!

Okay, so, where are they?

I mean, I can have them back, right?

No, you can't.

They're right here.

What?

But I thought you said people out there

are really nice.

Yeah, people out there are nice,

but I'm in here.

I bought these fair and square.

Mr. Brown, please, look, I will give you your money back.

I really need the nunchucks back.

You don't understand.

And you don't understand how much I like Karate.

Don't know you these things are from my favorite movie

of all times, "Black Belt Johnson"?

Yeah, came out in '76.

Oh, ooh, I even remember all the words from it.

Look, I still remember some of the lines.

"Watch my power chop, jive sucka!"

Ooh.

I think I got a bad case of the bubble guts.

Ew!

Do you know how long I've waited to get my hands

on some of these so I can do the moves

like in the movie?

Wait, wait, Mr. Brown, you give me these nunchucks--

No!

And, look, give me them, and I will give you

all the profits that I earned today.

Oh, no, what kind of deal is that?

It's $900.

$900?

Okay, if you give me all of your profit,

how you gonna buy the pretty little dress you want?

I won't, but Miss Anastasia really went out on a limb

for me today.

I can't do that to her.

I mean, I messed up and I have to take responsibility

for my mistakes.

Ah, your ears do work.

Yes, yes, I'm so proud of you.

And you don't have to give Brown any money.

She don't?

Those nunchucks were just in my closet collecting dust.

They were made to be used.

You can keep them.

I can?

Well, thank you.

You have done me proud, Black Belt Johnson.

Uh, Jeremy?

Hm?

You got an extra bathrobe?

You trying to use my bathrobe for a Karate outfit?

Nah, I think when I was doing my Karate stuff,

I split my pants a little bit.

Don't look back there, uh-uh.

Don't look back there.

Don't, don't, just, there.

Come on, Brown.

All right.

Miss Anastasia, I was wondering if the offer

to borrow one of your dresses is still on the table?

But you have enough money to buy a new dress.

I know, but anyone can wear a new dress,

but to wear a piece of Hollywood history?

Now that's snatched.

Well, in that case, you can wear this shiny number

I wore to the Grammys in 1983.

Thank you, Miss Anastasia.

My pleasure, darling.

♪

Hey, good luck on your SAT, baby!

I don't need luck.

I beat Dad in video games and made his eye dance.

Hey, what's that supposed to mean?

That's just a little confidence booster

to get his mind in the game!

Uh, Philip, remember,

we all proud of you, okay?

Proud?

I haven't even taken the test yet.

It's not like y'all saw my score.

It doesn't matter what your score is.

What matters is that you studied your butt off,

and you 'bout to go give this test your best shot.

Mm-hmm.

Now, Vinny, it does matter what score you get,

'cause we all know you a slow dum-dum.

Your mama and your daddy!

Grandpa Vinny, don't listen to those stereotypes, okay?

Just get your mind right

and think about your positive accomplishments.

Thank you.

You know what, it don't matter anyway.

I'm better-looking than Brown, taller than Brown.

Mm-hmm.

And I know how to pronounce that thing you use

to change the stations on the TV.

What, 'mote control?

And I don't dress like I OD'ed on angel dust.

- Test scores are in! - Oh, yeah!

Yes, yes!

All right.

You want yours, Grandpa Vinny?

Ah, I'll go last, okay.

I'm too shook to look, too shook to look.

Remember, baby, your test scores don't matter.

What matters is that you studied and you kicked butt.

Okay.

Oh, here we go.

You studied.

1150?

Baby, you did great!

Wow, I don't believe it!

You studied! You did it!

- You put in the work! - You put the work in.

Okay, okay, your turn, Grandpa Vinny.

Oh, I don't wanna--

Vinny, stop stalling!

Give me the envelope for you!

I can see right here...

He done made a 16! - Mr. Brown!

- He made a 16! - Give me his--

- 16? - Yes!

You didn't even put your name on it?

- 16? - Ah.

Mr. Brown, you left out a couple zeroes.

He got a 1600!

- What? - What? He did?

Wait, wait, wait, that's a perfect score!

What?

I'm smart, I'm smart, I'm smart!

Smart, he's smart!

You not!

Uh-uh-uh-uh-uh, and, uh-uh!

♪

♪

♪