Original subtitles

That's what they're playing up for.

That crack we had on that day must have

been

is

dead. An old man like

me. That's not good.

comes up to me, parks a bucket of

rubbish at me, tells me to take it out

of the

back. It's not my job to take out the

bucket. I got a boy there to take out

the bucket. I wasn't engaged to take out

buckets. My job's cleaning the floors,

clearing up the tables, doing a bit of

washing up. Nothing to do with taking

out buckets.

I told him what to do with his bucket,

didn't

I? Did you hear what I said to the

governor after he give me the

bullet? Look here, I said. I got my

rights. And I told him that I might have

been on the road, but nobody's got more

rights than I have. Let's have a bit of

fair play, I

said. Anyway, give me the bullet.

I tell you, if you hadn't come out and

stopped that Scotch gate, I'd be inside

the hospital now. I'd have cracked me

head on that pavement if he'd have

landed. Had to crack me bastard head.

Do you want to sit down for a couple of

minutes?

Lucky you come into that

calf. I've been left for dead more than

once.

What's this then?

I where I

live. Couple of

minutes. Yeah, that'll be all

right. I wouldn't say no to

that. The old things interfered with my

plans now. You

see? You see what I mean?

Look at all this bastard

ice. I

mean, when's it going to

go? I got to work things out again now.

See?

Scotch

get I tell you I've seen the days I

poked him one of the bloody eye tell you

that like that.

Oh another thing I could do I could get

down to

Kendrick. See I got to start thinking

things out all over again now.

up

here. All the way

up. Filthy

skate. An old man like me. I've had

dinner with the

best. They got no respect, you see.

Thanks.

Uh, just a minute. Sit down. I haven't

had a good sit down and had a proper sit

down. Well, I couldn't tell you. Here

you

are. All them blacks that keep you

running around all night. You still get

a chance for a sit down.

That's not it. 10 minutes off a tea

break in the middle of the night in that

place and I couldn't find a seat. Not

one. All them blacks had it. Blacks

drinks poles or all them aliens at it.

Take a seat. Yes. Well, what I got to do

first, you see what I got to do? I got

to loosen myself up. You see what I

mean? I could have got done in down

there.

Do you want to roll yourself one of

these? What? Uh, no. No thanks. I never

smoke a

cigarette. I tell you what, though. I'll

have a bit of that tobacco there for me

pipe if you'd like.

Yes. Go on. Take some out of there.

Thanks. That's kind of you, mister. Uh,

just enough to fill me pipe. That's

all. All them to rags mate. They got the

manners of pigs. I might have been on

the road a few years, but you can take

it from me. I'm clean. I keep myself up.

That was why I left my wife. Fortnite

after I married her, I No, not so much

as that. No more than a week. I took the

lid off a saucepan. Do you know what was

in it? Pile of our underclo,

unwashed. Where shall I put

it? I'll take

it. The pan for vegetables. It was a

vegetable pan. That's when I left her

and I haven't seen her

since. had a crack me on that pavement

if he'd have landed. That scotch git.

I've seen the day I was as Andy as any

of them. They didn't take any liberties

with

me. I'll get him one night. I'll get

him when I find myself around that

direction.

I wouldn't mind so much, but I left all

me belongings in that

place. All of them. The lot there was,

you see, in this bag in the back room

there. Every lousy blasted bit of all my

bleeding belongings are left down there

now. The rush of

it. Betty is having a good poke around

in it now. this very

minute. I'll pop down sometime and I'll

pick him up for

you. Anyway, I'll oblige to you. Let him

uh let him have a bit of a rest like for

a few

minutes. This your room?

Yes. You got a good bit of stuff here?

Yes.

There's enough of

it. There's a good bit of it. All

right. You sleep here, do you? Yes.

What in that?

Yes. Yes. Well, you'll be well out of

the draft

there. You don't get much

wind. You'd be well out of

it. Different when you're kipping out.

Yes. When the wind gets up,

it's gets very

drafty. Is this your house then? Is

it? I'm in charge. You land Lord. Are

you I noticed there was someone uh

living in the house next

door.

Yes. Family of Indians live

there.

Blacks. I don't see much of them.

Blacks.

E. I'll tell you what, mate.

You haven't got a spare pair of shoes.

Shoes? Them bastard at the monastery let

me down again.

Where? Down at Luton. Monastery. Down at

Luton. I got a mate at Shepherd's Bush.

You see? I might have a pair. I got this

mate at Shepherd's Bush in the

convenience. Well, it was in the

convenience. He ran about the best

convenience I got. He run about the best

one. always used to slip me a bit of

soap anytime I went in there. Very good

soap. They they uh they have to have the

best soap. I was never without a piece

of

soap anytime I happened to be knocking

around the Shepherd's Bush area. Bear

Brown.

He's gone now. Uh went his put me on to

this monastery uh just the other side of

Luton. He'd give away shoes.

You've got to have a good pair of shoes.

Shoes is life and death to

me. I had to go all the way down to

Luton in these.

What happened when you got there? Do you

know what that bastard monk said to

me? How many more blacks have you got

around here then? What you got any more

blacks around

here? See if these are any good. Do you

know what that bastard monk said to

me? I think those would be a bit

small. Would they? Well, they don't look

the right size. Not bad trim. Can't wear

shoes that don't

fit. Nothing

worse. I said to this

monk here. I said, "Uh, look here. Uh,

mister." I said, he he opened the door.

Big door. He opened it. Look, I said I

come all the way down here. Uh, I showed

him these. You haven't got a pair of

shoes. I said a pair of shoes enough to

keep me on the way. H look at these. I

said they're nearly out. They're no good

to me. I heard you got a stock of shoes

down

here. Piss off, he says to me. Now look

here. I said I'm an old man. I said you

ain't got no right to talk to me like

that. I don't care who you are. If you

don't piss off, he says I'll kick you

all the way to the gates. Now look, I

said now wait a minute. All I'm asking

for is a pair of shoes. You don't want

to start taking liberties with me. It's

taken me 3 days to get out here. 3 days

without a bite. I'm worth a bite to eat,

aren't I? Get out around the corner to

the kitchen. He says, "Get out round the

corner." When you've had your meal, piss

off. Out of it. Meal? I said, "What do

you think I am, a dog? Nothing better

than a dog. What do you think I am? A

wild animal? What about all them shoes I

come all the way down here to get? I

heard you was given away. Have a good

mind to report you to your mother's

superior." Another of them, an Irish

hooligan, come at me. I cleared out. I

took a shortcut to Watford, picked up a

pair there. I got on to the north

circular just past Endon. The soul come

off right where I was walking. Lucky I

had me old wrapped up. They're still

carrying them. Otherwise, I'd have been

finished, man. So, I've had to stay with

these. They're gone. They're no good.

All the good's gone out of them.

Try

these. Not a bad pair of

shoes. This leather's arty, ain't it?

Very

arty. Block tried to flog me some suede

the other

day. I won't wear them. Can't beat

leather for wear. Suede goes off. It It

creases. It stains for life. in 5

minutes. You can't beat leather.

Yes. Good shoe.

That's

good. Don't fit though.

Oh, no. You see, I got a very broad

foot.

These are a bit pointed, you

see. They've crippled me in a week. I

mean, these ones I got on, they're not

much good, but at least they're

comfortable. They're not much cop, but

at least they they don't

hurt. Thanks anyway, mister.

I'll see what I can look out for you.

Thank you. Thank

you. Good luck.

I can't go on like this. Can't get from

one place to another, you see, and I'll

have to be moving about trying to get

fixed

up. Where are you going to go? Well,

I've got one or two things in mind. I'm

just uh waiting for the weather to

break. Would

um would you like to sleep

here? Here.

You can sleep here if you like.

Yeah. Well, I don't know about that.

How long for till you get yourself fixed

up? Oh, get yourself sorted out. I'll be

fixed up any day now, tell

you. Where would I sleep?

Here. The other rooms would be no good

to you.

Here. Where? There's a bed beneath all

this. Hey.

Oh, well, Sandy. Well, I tell you what,

then I might do that just till I get

myself uh sorted

out. You got enough furniture here? I

picked it up. Just keeping it here for

the time being.

This uh gas stove work, do it? No. What

do you do for a cup of tea? Nothing.

That's a bit rough.

Are you uh building something? I might

build a shed out at the bank.

Carpentry. I like working with my

hands. What's

this? It's a

Buddha Gaton.

Yes, I quite like it. I picked it up in

a shop. look quite nice to me. Don't

know

why. What do you think of these Buddhas?

Oh, they're all right, aren't they? Yes.

I was pleased when I got hold of this

one. It's very well made.

This the bad ear then, is it?

Yes. We'll get rid of all the stuff.

I'll just put this here for a minute.

Yes.

Oh, that's

Is this in use at

allin?

No. Yeah.

Um Damn.

How are you off for money? Oh, well, to

tell you the truth, mister, I'm a bit

short.

Here's a few bars. Thank you. Good luck.

I just happen to find myself a bit

short, you see. I I got nothing for all

that week's work I done last week.

That's the position. That's what it

is. I went into a pub the other day,

ordered a

Guinness. They gave it to me in a thick

mug. I sat down, but I couldn't drink

it. I can't drink Guinness out of a

thick mug. Only like it out of a thin

glass. I had a few sips, but I couldn't

finish it.

If only the weather would

break, then I'd be able to get down to

Sidcup.

Sidcup? The weather's so blasted. Bloody

awful. How can I get down to Sidcup in

these shoes? Why do you want to go down

to Sidcup? I got me papers there.

Your what? I got me papers there.

What are they doing at Sitcom? The man I

know has got them. I left them with him.

You see, they prove who I am. I I can't

move without them papers. They tell you

who I am. I'm lost without them.

Why is that then? Well, you see what

what it is. You see, I I changed me name

years ago. I've been going around under

an assumed

name. It's not my real name.

What name have you been going under?

Jenkins. Bernard

Jenkins. I got an insurance card

here. See, look. Under the name of

Jenkins. Uh, Bernard Jenkins. It's got

four false stamps on it. Personates be

going along with these. I take that card

along. I go in the nick. I got no

rights.

anytime you want to get into your bed,

just get in. Don't you worry about me.

Well, then I think I will. Just tell the

truth, mister. I'm a bit

uh a bit done in.

So, you got a bucket up there.

Leak.

And where's

the

what? Oh, yes.

It's got a sink in here.

Here you are.

You don't share it, do you?

What?

You don't uh share this toilet with them

blacks, do you? They live next door.

They don't come

in because I mean fast

fair. Well, I'll leave you to it then.

What's this? What's this? It's all

right. What's this? It's all right.

Oh, yes.

Sleep well? Yes. Dead

out. Must have been dead

out. Were you dreaming or

something?

Dreaming? What do you

mean? You were making

noises. Now, wait a

minute. That wait a

minute. What do you

mean? What sort of noises? You were

making groans. You were jabbering.

Jabbering? I don't jabber a man. What

did I be jabbering about?

You got all the wrong bloke, mate.

Maybe it was the bed.

Nothing wrong with this bed. Might be a

bit unfamiliar.

There's nothing unfamiliar about me with

beds. I slept in beds. I don't make

noises just because I sleep in a bed. I

slept in plenty of beds.

I tell you what, maybe it was them

blacks. What? Maybe it's them blacks

making noises coming up through the

walls.

Where are you going? You going out? Yes.

Oh, wait a minute then. Just a minute.

What are you doing? Well, I better come

with you. Why? Well, don't you want me

to get out when you're out? You don't

have to go out.

Well, you mean I can stay here? Do what

you like. You don't have to go out

because I'm going

out. I've got a couple of

keys. This door. Front door. Thanks very

much. The best of luck.

I

um I think I'll take a stroll down the

road. Little kind of a shop. Man down

there. He got a portable drill the other

day. I quite like the look of it.

Portable drill. Eh.

What did you say your name was?

Bernard Jenkins. My assumed name. No,

your real one.

Davis. Mac. Davis. Welsh. Are you?

Hey, you're Welsh.

Well, I've been around a bit, you know.

I've been

about Where were you born?

What do you mean? Where were you

born? Well, it's a bit hard like to set

your mind back. Going back a few years,

you lose a bit of track

like see what I

mean? And what about this gas stove? Do

you do you think it's going to be

letting out any

uh what do you think? It's not

connected.

I might get down to Wembley later on in

the day. Yes. Uh yes, there's a calf

down there. See? Um I might be able to

get fixed up. And I know there's a bit

short-handed. They might be in need of a

bit of stuff.

M well I'll be seeing you.

Yes. Right.

Hold

it. Hold

it.

Pretty great pile of papers.

screws.

I'll have to find out about

that. Got a pair of shoes in here.

What's the game?

What's your name? I don't know you. I

don't know who you are. Hey,

Jenkins. Jenkins.

Yeah.

Jenkins. Did you sleep here last night?

Yes. Sleep well?

Yes. I'm awfully glad. It's awfully nice

to meet you.

You know, you remind me of my uncle's

brother. He was always on a move, that

man, never without his passport. He had

a knife for the girls. Very much your

build. Bit of an athlete, long jump

specialist. Had a habit of demonstrating

different run-ups in the drawing room

around about Christmas

time. I had a pole shelf for nuts.

Couldn't eat enough of them. Peanuts,

walnuts, Brazil nuts, monkey nuts. He

wouldn't touch a piece of fruit cake.

That was a funny

business. You're splitting image. He was

married a China. Went to

Jamaica. I hope you slept well last

night. Listen, I don't know who you are.

What bed you sleep in. Now look here.

E. That one. Oh, the other

one. Oh, choosy.

How do you like my room?

Your room?

Yes. This ain't your room. You know,

believe it or not, you've got a funny

kind of resemblance to a bloke I once

knew in shortage. Well, actually, he

lived in Allgate. I was staying with a

cousin in Camden Town. His old mom was

still living at the Angel. All the buses

passed right by the door. She could get

a 38581 30 38A, take her down the Essex

Road to Dston Junction next to no time.

Well, of course, if she got a 30, he'd

take her around up a street way, you

know, by Hybrid Corner down by St.

Paul's Church as she'd get to Dston

Junction just the same in the

end. I used to leave my bike in her

garden on my way to work. Yeah, it was a

curious

affair. Dead spitter was bit bigger

around the nose, but there was nothing

in

it.

Sleep last night. Yes. How do you sleep?

I slept. Sleep well. Look what bed. Not

the other. No. Choosy.

Choosy. What sort of a sleep did you

have in this bed? All right. You weren't

uncomfortable. All right. You're a

foreigner. How do you like my bed?

This is my

bed. You want to watch out you don't get

a draft.

Telling you to settle down trousers.

Settling down for a long stay. Give me

me bloody trousers. St. Why? Where you

going? Give me I'm going. I'm going to

sit.

You know you remind me of a bloke I

bumped into once just the other side of

Guilford by far. I was brought here.

Pardon? I was brought here. I was

brought here. Brought here. Who brought

you here? Man who lives here?

I was brought here last night. I met him

in a calf. I got the bullet. This block

saved me from a punchup. He brought me

here. He brought me right here. I'm

afraid you're a born fiber, aren't you?

Eh, you're speaking to the owner. This

is my room. You're sitting in my house.

He is. He's He's seen me. All right.

That's my bed. What about this one then?

This is my mother's bed. Well, she

wasn't in it last night. Now, don't get

perky, son. Don't get perky. Keep your

hands off my old mom. I I ain't. I don't

get out of your depth, friend. Don't

start taking liberties with my old

mother. Let's have a bit of respect. I

got respect. You won't find anyone with

more respect. Why are you telling me all

these fibs then? Listen, I ain't never

seen you before, have

I? Never seen my mother before either, I

suppose.

I think I'm coming to the conclusion

that you're an old rogue. You're nothing

but an old

scoundrel. Mrs. Sunny, you stink. You're

stinking the place out. You are an old

rubber. There's no getting away from it.

You're an old skate. You don't belong in

a nice place like this. You are no

barbarian, honest. You got no business

wandering around in an unfernished flat.

I could get seven quid a week for this

place if I wanted to. Get a ticket

tomorrow. 350 a year exclusive. No

argument. Well, I mean, if that sort of

money is in your range, don't be afraid

to say so. Otherwise, I got the van

outside. I can run you down to the

police station in 5 minutes. Have you in

for trespassing, loiting with intent,

daylight robbery, filchin, thieving, and

stinking the place out? What do you say?

Unless, of course, you're interested in

a straightforward purchase. I'll have my

brother decorate the place up for you

first. Yeah, I got a brother who's a

number one decorator. He'll decorate it

up for you. You can have this as your

study. Yes, this brother I mentioned,

he's about to start decorating them

other rooms. Well, he's just about to

start. So, what do you say? 800 for this

room or 3,000 down for the whole upper

story? Who do you bank

with? Who do you bank with?

Good

You have still got that leak.

Yes. It's coming from the roof.

On the roof, eh?

Yes. I'll have to tar it

over. You're going to tar it over?

Yes.

What? The

cracks. You'll be tinged over the cracks

in the roof.

Yes. You think that'll do

it? I think it'll do it for the time

being.

What do you

do? What do you do

uh when that bucket's

full? Empty it.

I was uh telling my friend that you're

about to start decorating them other

rooms.

Yes. I've um I've got your bag.

Hey. Oh,

thanks. I give it to you today.

What's this then? Give us my bag. I've

seen this bag before. This bag's very

familiar. Where'd he get it?

mine. Who's? It's my Tell him it's mine.

It's your bag. Is it? Give me it. Give

it to him. What? Give him what? The

blabby bag. Bag? What bag? Now look

here. Hey, where you going? I'm going to

get Don't push too hard. Watch your

step, Sunny. You're knocking at the door

when no one's at home. Don't overstep

the mark, son. You thieing bastard. You

thieing scare. Let me get

Did

did you get down to Wembley?

I couldn't make it.

I had a bit of bad luck with that

portable

drill. When I got there, it had

gone. Who's that

fella? Is my brother.

Is

he he's a bit of a joker, isn't he?

He's got a sense of humor.

Yes, I could tell that the first time I

set eyes on him.

Yes, he tends to see the funny side of

things. Well, he's got a sense of humor,

ain't he?

Yes.

I'm supposed to be doing up the house

for

him. There's lots of possibilities about

this

place. You see?

Yes.

Once I get that shed up out there, I'll

be able to give a bit more thought to

the house. You see, perhaps I can knock

up one or two things for it. I can work

with my hands. You see, it's one thing I

can

do. I never knew I

could, but I can. I can do all sorts of

things now with my hands.

When I get that shed up out there, I'll

have a workshop. You see, I could do a

bit of woodwork. Simple woodwork to

start.

Anyway, there's quite a bit to be done

to this place.

Bit of a junky this garden, eh? It's got

to be cleared.

But all this you

see. What's this? A pond?

Yes. What you got? Fish? No, there isn't

anything in there.

You could be caretaker here if you

liked.

What? You could keep an eye on the place

if you

liked. You know, the um

stairs,

landings, front steps. Keep an eye on

it. Polish the

bells.

Bells. I'll um be fixing a few down by

the front

door. Brass.

Care taken? Eh.

Yes. Yes. Well, now look here. I

um I never

um done no caretaker before, you

see. But what I mean is I

um I ain't never been a caretaker

before.

How do you feel about being one then?

Well, I reckon I

uh Well, I'd have to know

um you know

uh what sort of Yeah. Uh what sort what

sort of

um you

know well well I mean I mean I' I' I'd

have to

um I'd have to Yes. I I could tell you.

That's

it. That's it. You see? Do you get my

meaning? I could tell you when the time

is that's what I'm getting at. It's more

or less exactly. Is it what I mean to

say? Uh

um what

I'm getting at is

um I

mean what sort of

jobs? Well, there's uh things like the

stairs and the bells.

Well, it it would be a matter uh

wouldn't

it? It would be a matter

of of a broom, isn't it? Yes.

And of course, you'd need a few brushes.

You'd

need

implements. You need a good few

implements. Yes.

You could wear this if you

liked. What?

Oh, that's nice, isn't it? Keep the dust

off you. Yes, I keep the dust off. All

right. Well off.

Thanks very much,

mister. Hey, look. I've been thinking.

This ain't my bag.

No, no. You see my bag, it uh was

another kind of bag altogether. You see,

I know what they've done. What they

done, they kept my bag and they given

you another one alto together. No, what

happened was someone went off with your

bag. That's what I said. Well, anyway, I

I managed to pick this one up somewhere

else. It's got a few pieces of clothes

in it. He let me have the whole lot

cheap and

shoes. What's this? It's a smoking

jacket. Smoking jacket. Yes. A bad piece

of

cloth. I see how it fits.

You ain't got the mirror in there, have

you? No, I don't think I

have. Well, don't fit too

bad. How do you think it

looks? Looks all

right. Well, I won't say no to this

then.

Excuse me, governor. Have you Have

you cup of

tea?

Bastard. Cup of tea

yourself. What about this bloody snow

then?

Hello. What's

this? What's the matter with this damn

light? Oh, don't tell me the damn

light's gone

now. What will I do now? The damn

light's gone now.

Give me a

light. Wait a

minute. Oh, damn. Where is

it? No. Where's the box? Where's the

bloody

box? Why? What's this? Who's

this? Where's my box? It was down here.

Who's this? Who's this moving it? Who's

this? Scott me box.

Who's in

here? I got a knife here. I'm ready for

you. Come on then. Why

you get

away? I was just doing some spring

cleaning.

There used to be um a wall plug for this

cleaner, but it doesn't work, so I had

to fit it in the light socket. How do

you think the place is looking? Eh, I

gave it a good going over. Well, after

all, I am responsible for the upkeep of

the premises, then

I What you waving that about for? You'll

come near me, eh?

Well, now I am sorry if I gave you a

start, but uh well, I had you in mind,

too. You know, I mean, my brother's

guest. As a matter of fact, I was uh

going to suggest that we lower your

rent, make it just a nominal sum. Just

nominal, that's

all. Still, if you're going to be spiky,

I'll have to reconsider the whole

proposition. I keep myself to myself,

mate. But if anyone starts with me, they

know what they got coming. Yes, I can

believe that you do. I've been all over.

See, do you understand my meaning? I

don't mind a bit of a joke every now and

again, but anyone will tell you that no

one starts anything with me. Well, I get

what you mean. Yes. I can be pushed so

far. But no further.

That's it. Now, you know what it was? We

just got off on the wrong foot. That's

all it was. Oh, we did. Would you like a

sandwich? What? Have one of these. Don't

you pull anything. Hey, no. I I can't

help being interested in any friend of

my brothers.

I mean, you're my brother's friend,

aren't you?

Well, I won't put it as far as that. Oh,

don't you find him friend then?

Well, I wouldn't say we was all that

friends. I mean, I mean, he he never

done me no harm, but I wouldn't say any

particular f What's in that sandwich? A

cheese. That'll do me. Fake one. Thank

you, mister.

Well,

now I'm sorry to hear that my brother

isn't very friendly. Oh, it's friendly.

Friendly? I never said he wasn't. Salt.

No thanks. I just can't exactly make him

out. I forgot the pepper. I just can't

get the hang of them. That's all. I had

a bit of beetroo somewhere. I must have

mislaid it.

Can I ask your

advice? Well, I mean, you're a man of

the world, aren't

you? Can I ask your advice about

something? You go right ahead. And what

it is, you see, I'm very worried about

my brother.

your brother. Yes. You see, he's

trouble, is it? Yeah. Well, it's not a

very nice thing to say.

Go on now. You say it.

He doesn't like work.

Daton. No, he just doesn't like work.

You see, that's his trouble. Yes, that

fact. It's a terrible thing to have to

say about your own brother. He's just

shy of it. You see, he's very shy of it.

I know that shot. You know that I I've

met him.

Yes. I don't know. He just

don't like work.

He's supposed to be doing a little job

for me. I keep him here, you know, to do

a little job. I don't

know. I'm coming to the conclusion he's

a very slow

worker. What would your advice be?

Well, he's a funny bloke, your brother.

What?

I just saying he's a a bit of a funny

bloke. Your brother. Funny? Why? Why?

It's funny. What's funny about him?

Not like in work. What's funny about

that?

Nothing.

I don't call that funny.

Nor me. You don't want to start getting

hyperritical. No, I wasn't that clear.

Look, all I'm it

Look, I got a little proposition to make

to you. I'm thinking of taking over the

running of this place. You see, I think

it could be run a lot more efficiently.

I've got a lot of ideas, a lot of plans.

Now, how would you like to stay on here

as caretaker?

What? Well, I could rely on a man like

you around the place to keep an eye on

me. Well, now look here. I I've never um

I've never done no caretaker before. You

see?

Oh, you've been in the services, haven't

you? What? You've been in the services.

You can tell by your stance. Oh. Oh,

yes. I spent half my life there, man.

Overseas like serving. I was in the

colonies, weren't you? I was over there.

I was one of the first over there. Well,

that's what I mean. You're just the man

I've been looking for. Caretaker.

Yes. Well, now now look here. Uh listen.

Um, who is the landlord there? Emmo. Me?

I am. I got deeds to prove it. Oh, well.

In that case, I don't mind uh doing a

bit of caretaken for you. I don't mind

uh looking after the place for you. Of

course. We'd come to a small financial

agreement. Mutually beneficial. I'll

leave you to reckon all that out. I

thanks Parasu and Prata.

Oh, yes.

Hey, just one thing. Have you got any

references? Hey, just to satisfy my

solicitor. I got plenty of references.

All I got to do is get down to S cup

tomorrow. I know that place right the

back of me hand. I got all the

references I want down there. Good.

Listen, you can't pick me up a good pair

of shoes, can you? I got a bad need for

a good pair of shoes. Do you think

there's any chance of you being able to

pick me up a pair?

said you wanted me to get you up. Not

far.

You said you were thinking of going down

to Sitcom. All right, that would be a

good thing if I could get down there.

It doesn't look much of a day.

Oh, well that shut it then

it didn't have a very good night again.

I slept terrible.

You were making terrible.

Had a bit of rain in the night, didn't

it?

Just a bit. I thought

so. Coming on me

head. The draft's blowing right in on me

head anyway. Hey, you can't shut that

bloody window.

You could.

Well then, what about it then? The

rain's coming right in on me head. Got

to have a bit of air. Listen, don't talk

to me about air, boy. I've lived all my

life in the air.

All I'm trying to say, there's too much

hair coming in through that window when

I'm asleep.

It's very stuffy in here without the

window open. Yes, but listen, you don't

understand what I'm telling you. The

bloody rain man come right into me.

That's done my trip to Sidcup.

What about closing that window

now? Anybody coming in here?

Hey, close it for the time being.

You haven't come across that pair of

shoes you was going to look out for me,

have you? No. I'll see if I can pick

some up for you today. I mean, I can't

go out in these, can I? Can't even go

get myself a cup of

tea. There's a cafe just along the road.

There may be, mate. There may

be. I used to go there quite a

bit years ago now, but I stopped.

I used to like that place. I spent quite

a bit of time in

there. I thought they understood what I

said. I mean, I used to talk to

them. Same at the

factory. I used to talk about things and

these men, they used to listen whenever

I had anything to

say. It was all right.

Trouble

was used to have kind of

hallucinations. They weren't

hallucinations.

They I used to get the feeling I could

see things very

clearly. Everything was so clear.

Everything

used everything used to get very

quiet. Everything got very

quiet. All this quiet in this clear

sight. It

was But maybe I was wrong.

Anyway, someone must

have said

something. I didn't know anything about

it. Some kind of lie must have got

around and this lie went

round. Thought people started being

funny in that

cafe

factory. Couldn't understand it.

Then one

day they took me to a

hospital right outside

London. They got me

there. I didn't want to

go. Tried to get out quite a few times.

It wasn't very

easy. They asked me questions in there.

They got me in and they asked me all

sorts of

questions. Well, I told them when they

wanted to know what my thoughts

were. And one

day, this

man, head doctor, I suppose it was,

he he called me in.

He

said, he told me I had

something. He said they'd concluded

their examination. That's what he said.

And he showed me a pile of papers and he

said that I'd got

something, some

complaint. He

said just said that you

see you've got this thing that's your

complaint and we've decided he said that

in your interest there's only one course

we can

take. He said we're going to do

something to your

brain. Said if we don't you'll be in

here for the rest of your life.

But if we

do, you stand a chance, he said. You can

go out and live like the

others. What do you want to do to my

brain? I said to

him, but he just repeated what he'd

said.

Well, I wasn't a

fool. I knew I was a

murderer. I knew they couldn't do

anything to me without getting

permission. I knew they had to get

permission from my

mother. So, I wrote to her and I told

her what they were trying to do.

But she signed the form, you see, giving

them

permission. I know that because he

showed me her signature when I brought

it

up. Well, about a week

later, they started to come around and

do this thing to the

brain. We're all supposed to have it

done in this ward.

They came around and did it one at a

time, one a

night. They used to come around with

these. I don't know what they

were. They looked like big pincers with

wires

on. Wires were attached to a little

machine. It was electric.

They used to hold the man

down. And then this

chief, this chief

doctor, he would fit the

pinsers something like

earphones. Used to fit them on either

side of the man's skull and keep them

there. There was a man holding the

machine, you see. He'd turn it on and

then his

chief, he'd just press these pincers

against the man's skull and keep them

there. Then they take them off, cover

the man up, and they wouldn't touch him

again until later

on. Well, they were coming around to

me. The night they came, I got up off my

bed and I stood against the wall.

They tell me to get back on the

bed. I knew they had to get me back on

the bed because if they did it while I

was standing up, they might break my

spine. So, I stood

up. Then one or two of them came for

me. I was younger then, much stronger

then than I am now. I was quite strong

then. I laid one of them out. I got

another one round the throat and then

suddenly this chief, he had these

pincers on my skull and I knew they

weren't supposed to do it while I was

standing up and that's why

I did it.

So, I did get out. I got out of the

place, but I couldn't walk very

well. I don't think my spine was

damaged, though. That was perfectly all

right. Trouble

was, I couldn't hear what people were

saying. I I couldn't look to the right

or the left. I had to look straight in

front of me. I turned my head round. I

couldn't keep

upright. And I had these

headaches. I used to sit in my

room when I live with my mother and my

brother. He's younger than

me. I laid everything out in order in my

room. All the things I knew were mine.

But I didn't

die.

Anyway, I feel much better

now. But I don't talk to people

now. Steer clear of places like that

cafe. I don't go into them now.

I don't talk to

anyone like

that. I've often thought of going back

and trying to find the man who did that

to me.

But I want to do something

first. I want to build that shed out in

the garden.

Jump in.

You turn me over, mate. Come on.

Sitting comfortably, are you?

Where are you going? I'm going to sit

comfortably.

Alex, sorry. It can't do it. The road

will be up on the A222. That will mean

doubling back on the

B2210. It's all one way down there, you

see. And we haven't got enough headroom

for the humpback bridge, so we'll have

to skip it.

Hey, come up and have a drink at my

place sometime. Listen to some draovski.

Tada. See you.

I mean, you and me, we could get this

place going.

Yes, you're quite right.

Look what I could do with this

place. I could turn this place into a

penthouse. Oh, for instance, this

room. This room you could have as your

kitchen. Right

size, nice window. Sun comes in.

I'd have teal, blue, copper, and

parchment lenolium

squares. I'd have them colors reeled in

the

walls. I'd offset the kitchen units with

charcoal gray

worktops. Plenty of space for cupboards

for the crockery. I'd have a a small

wall cupboard, a large wall

cupboard, and a corner wall covered with

revolving shelves. It won't be shorter

cupboards. And a dining room you could

have across the landing.

See Venetian blinds on the window. Yeah.

Venetian

blinds, cork floor, cork

tiles. You could have an off-white pile

linen rug.

A table in aphroia teique

veneer. Sideboard with matte black

drawers. Curved chairs with cushion

seats. Armchairs in oatmeal

tweed. Beach frame sati with a woven

seaggrass

seat. White topped heatresistant coffee

table. White tile surround.

Yes. And a bedroom. Now, what's a

bedroom? Eh, it's a retreat place to go

for rest and

peace. They want quiet

decoration, lighting,

functional furniture, mahogany and

rosewood, deep azio blue

carpet, unglazed blue and white

curtains.

A bed with a pattern of small blue roses

on the white

ground. A dressing table with a lift up

top containing a plastic

tray. Table lamp. White

raffia. It wouldn't be a flat. It would

be a palace. I say it would

man a palace.

Who would live here?

I would. My brother and me. Well, what

about me? Holy stuff in here.

It's no good to anybody. It's a lot of

old iron. It's clobber. You couldn't

make a home out of this. There's no way

you could arrange it. It's junk. He

couldn't sell it either cuz he wouldn't

get tuppards for it. It's junk. But he

don't seem to be interested in what I

got in mine. That's his trouble.

Why don't you have a chat with him and

see if he's interested in me? Yeah,

you're a friend of his, aren't you? He

ain't no friend of mine. You live in the

same room with him, don't you? He ain't

no friend of mine. No, what you want to

do? You want to speak to him? See, you

want to tell him um uh tell him that we

got ideas for this place. Uh we could

get it started. I I'd decorate it out

for you

and I I give you and in doing it between

us.

No, you're the one who wants to talk to

him. After all, I know you're his

brother.

Yes,

maybe I will.

Where are you going? This is him.

pair of shoes. What? Pick them up. Try

them. Where's the laces? No

laces. I can't wear it without laces,

can I? Just got the

shoes. Well, now look. This just about

puts the tin lid on it, don't it? The

only way to keep a pair of shoes on

right if if you haven't got no laces is

to tighten the foot. See? Walk about

with a tight foot. See? Well, that's not

good to the foot. That puts a bad strain

on the

foot. I might have some somewhere. You

see what I'm getting

at?

Yes. Yes.

These is

brown. It's all I've got. The shoes is

black. Well, that can do until I can get

hold of another pair.

Uh,

20.

Hey, stop it, Will. I can't sleep.

What? What?

What's going on? You're making noises.

I'm an old man. What do you expect me to

do? Stop

breathing. What do you expect me to

do? I tell you, mate, I'm not surprised

they took you

in. Waking up an old man in the middle

of the night. You must be off your

nut. What do you want me to do? Stop

breathing. I've had just about enough of

you mcking me about. Why'd you invite me

in here in the first place? Who was

going to treat me like this? I know

enough. They had you inside one of them

places before. They could have you

inside

again. They can put them pincers on your

head again, man. They can have them on

again anytime. All they need to do is

get the

word. They'll carry you in there, boy.

to come in here, pick you up and carry

you in. They'd get you fixed. They put

them pincsters on your head again, man.

They'd keep you

fixed. They'd take one look at all this

junk I got to sleep

with. They'd know you was a

creamer. Ah, nobody messes me about for

long. You think I'm going to do all your

dirty

work? Ah.

Think I'm going to do all your dirty

work all up and down them

stairs just so I could sleep in this

lousy filthy all every

night. Not me,

boy. Not for you,

boy. You don't know what you're doing

half the time. You're up the

creek. You're half

off. Whoever saw you slip me a hill

bob treating me like a bloody

animal. I never been inside a nut

house. Don't come nothing with me,

boy. I got this

here. I used it. I used it. Don't come

it with

me. I

think it's about time you found

somewhere else.

I don't think we're hitting it off. Find

somewhere

else. Me? Not me, man.

You better find somewhere else.

I live here. You don't, don't I? Well, I

live here. I've been offered a job here.

Yes, but I don't think you're really

suitable. Not suitable, eh?

Well, let me tell you there's so many

other things I have suitable. Get it?

Your

brother. He's told me, see, he's told me

the job is mine. I'm going to be his

caretaker.

Look, if I give you a few Bob, you can

get down to sitcom. You'll build your

shed

first. A few Bob when I can pick up a

steady wage here. You'll build your

stinking shed first. That's

what. Don't come too

near. That's not a stinking

shed. You've no reason to call that shed

stinking. You stink.

What?

You've been stinking the place out.

Christ, you say that to me for days.

It's one reason I can't sleep. You call

me that. You call me stinking.

You better go.

Stink.

I think

go get your

stuff. Yeah, I'm not

right. Leave that alone. That's mine.

You wait. I've been offered a job here.

You ain't your brother. They sought you

out. You called me

that. You call me

that. Nobody

had You never called me

that. You entered the last of

this. You'll be sorry you called me

that. Now I know who I can trust.

Stink. That's what he said to me. That's

what he said to me. You don't stink? No,

sir.

If you stink, I'd be the first one to

tell you. I told him I said to him. I

told him you'd be coming along to sort

him out. You don't know what he started

saying that to me. You ain't heard the

last of this man. I said I said to him,

I said to him, he'll be along. Your

brother will be along.

He's got

sense. Not like you.

What do you mean?

Hey. Oh, you saying my brother hasn't

got any sense? What?

Well, what I mean, I take orders from

you to do my uh caretaking for you. You

look upon me as a as

a Don't treat me like an dirt.

Wow.

Do you mind if I finish my tea first?

Hey, it's not here. No, maybe it's down

there.

Where can the bastard

be? Hey, look at that.

Look here, I've been thinking. What? As

things stand, I don't mind having a go

at doing up the

place. That's what I wanted to hear.

Uh, you better be as good as you say you

are. What do you mean? Well, you say

you're an interior decorator. You better

be a good one.

A what? What do you mean a what? A

decorator. An interior decorator. Me?

What do you mean? I never done that.

Never touched that.

You never what? No, not me, man. I'm not

a interior decorator. I've been too

busy. Too many uh other things to do.

You see, I thought you said you were

one. Well, wait a minute. Wait a minute.

You've got the wrong man. Well, how

could I have the wrong

man? You're the only man I've spoken to

about my dreams, about my deepest

wishes. You're the only man I've

told. And I only told you because I

understood you to be a firstass

professional experienced interior and

exterior decorator. Ah, look here. You

mean you wouldn't know how to fit teal,

blue, copper, and parchment lenolium

squares and have them colors reeled in

the wall? Look here. You know how to

decorate out a table in aosia tea,

armchairs in oatmeal tweed and a beach

frame city with a woven seagrass seat. I

never said that. Christ, I must have

been under a false impression. I never

said it. You're a bloody imposter, man.

Don't start calling me names. What is

your name? Don't start that. No, your

real name. My real name's Davis. What's

your name? You go under now? Jenkins.

Well, you got two names. What about the

rest? Eh, now come on. Why do you give

me all this dirt about you being an

interior decorator? I never told you

nothing. It was your brother has told

you. He'd tell you anything out of spite

is nutty. He's halfway gone. He'd tell

you anything. It was a nostalgia.

What did you call my brother?

When he's what?

Now get this straight. Nutty.

Who's

nutty? Would you call my brother Nutty?

Hey, my

brother. Well, now

that's it's a bit of an impertinent

thing to say, isn't it? Very sad so

himself.

What a strange man you are, aren't you?

E, you're really

strange. Ever since you come into this

house, there's been nothing but trouble,

honest. I can take nothing you say at

face

value. Every word you speak is open to

any number of different interpretations.

Most of what you say is lies. You're

violent. You're erratic. You're just

completely

unpredictable. In fact, when it comes

down to it, you're nothing else but a

wild animal. You're an old barbarian.

And to put the old tin lid on it, you

stink from colo to breakfast time.

Well, look at

this. You come here recommending

yourself as an interior decorator,

whereupon I take you on. And what

happens, eh? You make a long speech

about all them references you've got

down at Sidcup. And what happens? I

haven't noticed you going down to Sidcut

to obtain

them. It's almost regrettable, but it

really does look as though I'm compelled

to pay you off for your caretaking work.

There's alpha

dollar. All right,

then. You do

that. You do

it if that's what you want.

That's what I

want. Anyone would think that this house

was all I got to worry

about. I got plenty of other things I

can worry about. I got other things. I

got plenty of other interests.

I've got my business to build up and I

I've got to think about expanding in all

directions. I don't stand still. I'm

moving about all the time. I'm on the

move all the

time. I got to think about the

future. I'm worried about his house. My

brother can worry about it. He can

decorate it up. He can do what he likes

with it. I'm not

bothered. I thought I was doing him a

favor letting him live here.

He's got his own ideas. Let him have

them. I'm going to chuck it in.

Look. Come.

I just come

back the pipe.

Yes. Yes. I I got out and then halfway

down I suddenly realized that I haven't

got me pipe. So

I come back to get

it. So, I thought I'd uh nip back for it

like

Listen, you didn't mean

that, did you? About me

stinking, did

you? Did

you? Look, I've been thinking why I made

all them noises.

Uh it was because of the draft. Uh see

the the the draft was on me as I lay

sleeping made me make them noises

without me knowing it. So uh what I've

been thinking uh what I mean to say if I

was to have your

bed, you have my

bed. There's not all that difference

between them. There's the same sort of

bed.

Well, you sleep wherever bed you're in,

and I'd be out of the draft, you see.

That'll be all right.

Well, you don't mind a bit of wind. You

like a bit of air. So, I reckon that'll

be the best way out of it. We swap beds.

Then we could get on with what we were

saying. I' I'd look after the place for

you. I'd uh keep an eye on it for you.

I'd caretake for

you. For you, like, not for the

uh not for the other. Not not for your

brother, for

you. I'll be your man. You say the word.

No, I like sleeping in this bed.

But you don't understand my meaning.

Anyway, that one's my brother's bed. But

your brother's

gone. He's gone.

No, I couldn't change bed bits.

But you don't understand my

meaning. Anyway, I'm going to be

busy. I got that shed to get up. If I

don't get it up now, it'll never go up.

Till it's up, I can't get started. Well,

I give you hand to put up your shed.

That's what I do. I give you hand.

You see what I'm

saying? I can get it up myself.

But listen, I'm

here. I'm with

you. I'll do it for

you. We'll do it

together. Christ, we change bites.

Look here, listen, man. I don't

mind if you don't want to swap beds. All

right, we'll keep it as it is. I I'll

stay in the same

bed. If I could get maybe a bit of

stronger sacking light to go over that

window and keep out the

draft. That'll do it. What do you say?

We'll keep it as it is.

No. Why not?

You make too much noise. Look here.

Listen. Listen

here. I

mean, what am I going to

do? What I

do? Where am I going to go?

All

right. You want me to go?

Go. You'll say the word. Just say the

word. Listen.

If I could get down to if I could uh get

hold of me papers, would uh would you

uh would you let

me if I got

And got me.