Original subtitles

The Losanos have arrived and they

arrived dancing. Rica cha rica cha rica

cha rica cha. That’s what they call

the march. Rica cha, rica cha, rica cha

, rica cha, rica cha, rica cha, rica

cha.

What will be left of all this? The

biblical curse that predicted a day

would come when not one stone would be

left upon another looms menacingly over

the world. No, gentlemen, this is

nothing to take as a joke. The flying

saucers that have started to streak

across our sky could soon mean the

beginning of an invasion by beings from

other planets who, by the way, in

common terms, could really finish us

off. This is no longer an isolated case

. The saucers have been seen in several

countries, to the great alarm of the

people. Of course, there is no shortage

of skeptical non-believers who deny the

appearance of flying saucers and

consider the undoubted presence of

those beings from other worlds as an

optical illusion or a collective

hallucination. Why are you turning it

off too? Do you think it's a collective

hallucination? We'll see what the

non-believers say when they see an

inhabitant of Mars here on Earth with

their own eyes. And do you think that's

possible, Dad?

I am sure. Very sure. Flying saucers

are not a ghostly chimera. They exist.

Well, and how could you prove it? Eh,

with my theory, the law of gravitation

is not unalterable. It is stated quite

clearly by Sakevich, who claims that A

+ B gives a coefficient in inverse

proportion to the parabolic ellipsis of

the square of the cosmic hypotenuse

divided by two galaxies equidistant to

the cube root of A-B.

Bravo, Dad, bravo.

Thank you very much, dear. You

understand me. Then why should we doubt

that the saucers cross the ethereal

layers and sidereal abysses?

approaching planet Earth

when you state it so.

And very soon I will try to prove it.

Well, hurry up, because they might

throw you in the loony bin.

I would feel very honored.

Well, for the moment, that’s all

anyone is talking about in the city,

Dad.

Extra, extra. Many flying saucers have

been seen. Extra, flying saucers at

great speeds. Extra, extra. Many flying

saucers have been seen

extra, extra. Flying saucers have been

seen in different parts of the country.

Extra. Get your extra. Flying saucers

have been sighted in different parts of

the country. Extra, extra, flying

saucers in Sonora. Extra, extra.

A little charity, whatever you wish to

give. Help for these poor blind people.

No one pays attention to us, they are

only interested in flying saucers.

And they are quite right.

Yesterday I saw a round, big one that

flew over the apartment rooftop

sparking.

Sparks, you don't say, honest to God?

I'm going to buy the paper and head

home.

It’s here, the news is here. It’s

here, it’s here, it’s here. Daddy,

how did it go?

Bad, bad, daughter. Times are tough

even for beggars. I didn't make enough

begging today. I’ve told you until

I’m blue in the face not to live this

life. With what I earn, the two of us

can live just fine. Don't worry anymore

.

I’m thinking of you, your future. Oh,

if you would just settle for Venustiano

a bit more. He has his few cents.

But I don't love him, Dad.

I know, you're still infatuated with

that plumber of yours. Chano

is a good guy, hardworking, ambitious,

full of big ideas. You’ll see how

he’s going to succeed.

How is that fool going to succeed? The

little he earns he gives to the

starving people in the neighborhood.

So what if that makes him happy?

Something to solder. Tubs, pails,

showers, pipes to unclog. There is your

philanthropist plumber.

I'll be right back to heat up your

dinner. Here’s your engineer. Look at

this little car for you. It's missing a

wheel, bring it to the shop later,

I’ll put it on, okay? Let’s see,

this one for the little lady.

Thank you.

And for you, this beautiful doll. Go

ahead. Something to unclog. Here, so

you can play soldier. Look, I brought

you these pants. Your old lady can fix

them for you, huh? Go on. I'm bringing

it, man. Well, look, here I have those

rolls. They're a bit hard, but

they’re edible. Go on. Something to

unclog. There's nothing left. Oh,

it’s my queen.

It’s good that you arrived early.

I’m always late to see you. Today I

was anxious to get here. Look what I

got. The carburetor I was missing.

But that’s second-hand.

Second-hand? Fourth-hand, you might say

, if it's from a 1918 Cadillac.

And does it actually work for you?

Well, I think it works. Well, it’s

all a matter of seeing. Come on.

Let’s go to the workshop.

Let’s go. Hey, so you are going to

show me your invention.

Oh, you’re still at it, how stubborn.

Come on.

But I haven't finished it yet. I

haven't wanted to show you because you

women are such blabbermouths and go

tell everything right away.

I'm not saying anything.

No, I'm not saying anything.

I'm not saying anything. No, and if you

say it later,

I won't say.

You're not saying it,

no.

For real,

duty.

Hm.

Well, you beat me to it. Close it and

lock the door; I don't want them to

find out about my invention, or they

might steal my patent.

But, where is it?

Don't be so anxious. Don't be so

anxious. Come, vassal. How incredible.

There it is. Two years of work and

sleepless nights, all put together with

local welding.

Oxy-acetylene,

not local, because it's all from the

country. But it's ready,

it's ready. Do you really think this

works?

That's the only thing left to see. To

me, it's like a child who's about to

take his first steps, but it cannot

fail. Well, it has parts from every car

brand. Well, even a streetcar nut I

happened to find in an Indianilla ditch

.

Ah, then it must work. This engine

looks very powerful.

Of course, it's mostly from an old

light aircraft

that has many horsepower.

It has precious few horses. They're

more like 80 donkeys. Ah, but I have

the other propulsion.

The jet one.

From the rocket jet it has in the back.

Well, I even put firecrackers in it to

gain more speed. Hey, are they really

going to let you into the Pan-American

race with this?

I'm competing in the special category.

Anything goes there. And now you'll see

, Saturnina. I'll drive like crazy and

win the race. And then, who will tell

me I can't marry you?

Oh, God willing. Because with you being

poor, my dad won't stop telling me to

marry Venustiano. He already found out

he has his little savings.

That guy isn't good for anything, not

even for a start. Well, now the

important thing is that the car starts.

Oh, pray to Saint Rita, the advocate of

impossible causes.

Are you really going to get it running?

Sure, I'll turn the switch and you turn

the crank,

okay?

Alright,

come on,

you tell me.

Wait a bit, I'll tell you, okay? Go

ahead.

It's very stiff.

Oh, well give it some force. What

happened?

I fell. Didn't you see

more than I expected.

Well, come on, keep going, it'll come

out now. Hello. It's walking. It worked

, it worked, it worked, the car. And

you, that's something to celebrate.

We're rich. Let's go to the party.

I have to go home, but tomorrow I'll do

whatever you want with you.

And why tomorrow?

Tomorrow is the carnival. Did you

already forget out here? Ah, I had

already forgotten.

At 9 at night, fantasy.

Listen to me, Saturnina. I already told

you.

Stop it, Dad. All day long. You do

nothing but talk to me about that guy.

Think about it carefully, my daughter.

Today Venustiano is coming, determined

to do anything. He wants to marry you

no matter what. It could be our chance

to get out of poverty. Remember he is

the owner of the neighborhood, okay? Do

things right so you don't regret it

later.

But I don't love him, Dad.

Yes, I know. Affection is very

important, but beans are also necessary

. Is that plumber, that fool of yours,

going to feed you with love?

I can't tell you anything yet. But I

know that he will soon become very rich

. Look, he just invented one.

Didn't I tell you? There he is. I'm

going to greet him and you don't take

long, okay? I come from northern lands

on my blue horse. To meet the tough

guys they tell me are here. I'm here

now, tough guys, for whatever you want,

and I brought many pairs of pants to

lend you. I don't carry a gun or a

knife, I just have my heart in the

right place, long live the north and

let's see who jumps to show you that

I'm right. There are the mariachis so

you can see that what I say, I keep.

Thank you.

Why, it's my future father-in-law. But

what the hell is he dressed as? Hey,

well, like a magician.

Could it be a mag...? Ah,

this Don Venus.

Where is Saturnina? Around here.

She'll be here soon, and you'll see how

pretty she looks.

Let's go to the cantina meanwhile to

have a few drinks to see the

smooth one. Let's go, let's go. Over

here.

Have your little beer. They are very

cold.

Don't bother. If they are really cold,

I'd rather open them like this to warm

them up a bit. Go ahead, my

father-in-law. To your health and

Saturnina's.

It's really something.

No, the one who is shooting is that guy

over there.

Haven't you seen Marciano? No, he

hasn't arrived yet. He must be

finishing getting into costume,

hurry up.

Oh, God. But what have you done?

Well, nothing, it's the only material I

had available to make myself a suit.

What? Do I look bad? No, man, on the

contrary, it suits you very well.

Well, sitting down is going to be a bit

difficult. Well, let's see how I manage

. I'll put the helmet on and I'll be

ready.

Here, let me help you.

Alright, come on then.

Turn around. What’s wrong with it?

Don't be scared, man. It's a prank I'm

going to pull on the neighbors. Look, I

have some batteries here, I just flip

this and it gives a shock.

Oh, it gives shocks.

Hey, but you look gorgeous.

Do you really like my costume?

But

I did everything I could.

Well, you did quite a lot.

Hey, did a lot of people come?

The place is packed, but that annoying

Venus guy showed up too.

And what are you worried about with me

here? Why are you worried? No, I'm not

worried about myself as much as I am

about you. He leaves a very bad

impression. He already told my father

that either I marry him or he'll finish

you off. You know he likes to pick

fights.

He likes to pick fights. Well, if he

likes to pick fights, he'll find out

what happens if he tries to finish me.

Well, I'll give him what's coming to

him. What kind of monkey is he?

Quiet, be quiet.

Now that little monkey really annoys me

.

And promise me you'll be careful.

What? Be careful. I'll be careful,

don't get shy on me. Every day the same

thing with that monkey. Does he think

I'm going to let him? Show me the way.

I'm hungry now. The queen of the party.

The queen of the party has arrived, and

you're all canned up. Well, actually

yes, because I know how to keep what's

mine, and before anyone bothers me, I

take care of it myself.

Well, take care, don't go getting rusty

.

Well, the only rusty one here is you.

Please, don't fight, let's dance

instead. Do you want to?

I assume the first dance is mine. You

assume wrong, because it's already

taken. Excuse me.

Calm down, Mr. Venus. There is time for

everything. Know that you have my

support.

What support, you old beggar? I don't

need anything from you to do whatever I

want. I didn't like you before, but now

I'll show you who I am.

That's the way to talk, Mr. Venus. Get

him out of the way and marry the girl.

Come have some refreshments, little

Martian.

Oh, a beer would really hit the spot

right now. Let's see, some nice cold

beers. Oh,

whatever you want.

I see you really like to dance. No,

Well, if you already saw it, why ask?

Well, pardon the interruption, right?

Here you go, Martian.

Thanks. Got it.

No, I was just saying because surely

you'd like to keep dancing. Let’s see

how you like this tune. Hey! Look out,

he’s going to kill you. Ah. Martian,

Martian, Martian. Man, that earthquake

was strong. No,

let’s get out of here. This brute

wants to kidnap me no matter what.

No, man. And then, what am I here for?

Look, don't act cute and let's go, okay

?

How’s it going, friend? And now, how

do you feel? Oh, so you’re the one

playing the little prank. No, just hold

on, don’t chicken out for a moment.

That woman belongs to me. She is mine.

Did you hear? She is mine.

Mine, mine. Catlike behavior. Ay. That

guy.

We have no choice but to flee. Let’s

go, Martian.

But, how?

Through the back of the house in the

car. Either you kidnap me or I kidnap

you.

Leave the man alone. I’m not afraid

of him. Let him talk, let him talk. The

guy is like that. Talk, let the

gunshots talk. Give it to him.

Let’s go to any town. We can get

married there.

Oh, it’s about getting married? Well,

yeah, why did you kidnap me?

Oh, I kidnapped you?

I see.

Hey, what’s up, Jala?

Brutal.

Hey, take off my helmet.

This has served to prove the car is a

success, huh?

It couldn’t fail. Now I do believe

you can win the Pan-American race prize

.

And that’s without even testing the

jet propulsion. Shall we test it?

Let’s do it.

Well, hold on, because who knows what

this will be like. Here it goes.

Stop it. Stop. I can't, man. I can't

until the firecrackers finish popping.

We're flying. Stop it.

No, how can we stop if we hit a bump?

Stop it, stop it. I overdid the

propulsion, right? Don't let anyone get

close. Forget about anyone touching

anything. Whoever tries will

immediately be arrested. Back us up. Oh

, boy. It seems to me that those aren't

from this world.

I know how to pass.

They were rumbling, they were flying,

they had a light on their tail.

Yeah, if this is a flying saucer, they

must be dead for sure.

Oh, boy, they’re throwing sparks.

These are Martians, no doubt about it.

So what do you say now, Mr. Secretary?

Didn't you say this flying saucer stuff

was just a bunch of nonsense? There

they are. Proceed immediately to send a

telegram to whoever is in charge. Put

it down, write it down. He's writing it

down now. Go on, Chiquigüite. On such

and such a date. Flying saucer stopped

flying in front of the Pirul. It's in

front of the cemetery in this town. I

report to your superior knowledge.

Flying saucer crashed and disintegrated

. I am proceeding to pick up the

already dead bodies. With extreme

caution because they are sparking. Send

reinforcements in case more Martians

keep arriving. The honorable Municipal

President Juan Balcázar. Who said no?

Uh,

ladies and gentlemen, we interrupt our

program to bring you a sensational news

report. In the town of Chiquigüite, a

huge flying saucer from Mars has

crashed. The news is perfectly

confirmed, and the monstrous-looking

bodies of the Martians are being taken

to the municipal hall of said place.

The news we have just given you is

being broadcast by radio to all

countries in the world. We will keep

you informed. They are here. They are

here. They have reached Earth. And I am

entitled to the scientific glory of

examining them before anyone else.

But, who has arrived? What are you

talking about? Who? Who reached Earth?

The Martians, man. The Martians. My

theory couldn't fail, and I have

authorization to be the only one in

charge of this matter. Well, prepare

everything and have it all ready

because I'm leaving immediately to

bring back the remains and examine them

thoroughly. You come with me. They have

arrived, they are here. Move aside. Hey

, move aside. Move aside. Aside. Move

aside. Move aside over here. Hey, move,

keep going. Keep it moving, right here,

right here. Go ahead. Listen to me,

Commander. Anyone who doesn't obey gets

handled without mercy. Move aside. Move

aside.

Order. Hey, bring it over here. Bring

it over here. Bring it over here.

We are going to make sure the law is

respected here as it should be. Don't

be ridiculous. Let's get out of here.

Let's get out of here. Don't get

handled.

Let's go back, let's go back. Back,

let's go back, come on, let's go let's

go back. Come on, come on, come on.

Careful. Order here, man. Order.

Careful. Take it over there. Hey, hey.

Move back, man. Don't you see it was

radiating strange radiation?

Should we fill out their death

certificates?

Oh, I think so.

I'm going to examine them.

Listen to me, go with caution. These

monkeys are kind of electric. I don't

know what to tell you. We had to pull

them onto the cart with a rope, head

and seat. Don't you see they're from

another world?

Don't worry about it. Martian or

earthly, they don't scare me if they're

already dead.

Oh, I see.

Oh, goodness.

What happened? Didn't I tell you?

Oh, goodness, better to bury them

without a certificate.

Oh, I think that's for the best. Let's

go, let's go, let's go.

Excuse me, gentlemen, excuse me, excuse

me. Whoa, whoa, no passing.

I am Professor Saldaña. Calm down, but

no passing.

How so? Read this.

Well, that's hard because I don't know

how to read, but no passing. We have to

—moment, moment, moment.

What is that, man? We are going to—

I am Professor Saldaña and I have

authorization to examine the bodies and

take them. Here is the order.

Let's see. Ah, well, you can pass. Wait

, excuse me. Miss. We are the fourth

estate.

You may be the fourth estate, but it

won't be possible because here the

first power is me. Besides, the

document here says that Professor

Saldaña is the only one who can pass.

Yes,

it's in capital letters and underlined

right here.

So, we aren't going to pass.

You're not passing.

We are staying right here.

Orders are orders, gentlemen.

What are you going to do? Professor,

be careful because these things give

off electricity, man.

Quiet, quiet. I am watching, observing

to see if there is radioactivity.

What activity? They are plenty dead,

professor, man, move away or you're

going to get sparks. Nevertheless,

there is certain symptomatology that is

evident.

Or whatever that symptom-ology is,

you're going to get a shock, you're

going to get burned, man. Oh, what a

professor, man. Moment, moment.

Be careful.

Alive, alive. They are alive. They have

life, I can attest to it. I can certify

it. They are alive. Prof,

the entire world has been intensely

shocked by the news that the

interplanetary beings are alive. All

activities are paralyzed, business is

at a standstill. Scientific societies

from various countries are sending

delegates to study the reach of other

worlds. Professor Saldaña, an eminent

astrophysicist, has taken charge of the

Martians, housing them at the

Interplanetary Research Institute,

owned by the scientist himself. We will

continue reporting. We are desolate.

The Martians won't come to, not by this

way or that. Keep reporting. Nothing.

Not even the restorative electrodes can

bring them to. What is that? What you

asked me for. Destronium propionate

with 50%sulfuric ether.

But honey, how are you going to give

ether to those who come from the ether?

Don't you see they are kindred?

Well, if by the weekend they don't wake

up, let the ether take them. Hey, Dad,

they're in a state of shock, right?

No, it's because of the shock that they

are in that state.

Well, and what are you going to do with

the Martians?

I am going to inject them with a

preparation based on Pilimisoteline. If

they don't react to this, we can say

goodbye to any scientific research.

Notify the fourth estate.

Who?

The journalists. Girl.

My dad is going to give them a dose of

micetoline to tone them up and avoid a

fatal outcome. I'll keep you informed.

Sterilize the area I'm going to inject.

Eurea is back. She is back. Eureka is

back and said, "Ah,

the Martian said He a

eh

careful.

Don't scare us, man.

He might rip off

The one who's going to have his ripped

off is you, man. that he doesn't speak.

Do you know you can enrage him, friends

? Eh,

yes, friends. Hand,

hand,

he said hand. Fran, do you speak

English? Spag the touch. He speaks

Italian. No, no. Speak, speak, speak.

No, no.

Look, with so much mocking and so many

grimaces. Tell me what you jabbed me

with because I'm seeing stars.

Spanish. Do you speak Spanish?

Sure. Yes.

Then, aren't you a Martian?

Yes, I am Martian and she is Saturnian.

But this is more than I expected.

He is from Mars and she is from Saturn.

Saturn.

So you are from Mars and she is from

Saturn, right?

Listen, look, see, speak slower to me

because frankly, I'm on the moon right

now.

No, man, no. This is not the moon, this

is the Earth.

Hold onto your ears. Do you think they

landed on the moon?

And tell me, what was the reason for

the accident?

Well, it was all Venus's fault.

Ah, an interplanetary conflict.

Interplanetary. Yes, of course. There

is no good neighbor policy over there,

is there?

Oh, you should see how the neighborhood

ended up. Well, it was flying saucers

everywhere. Wow,

huh? And there's no doubt. I can

already imagine it. Well, tell me, how

did you learn the language?

Which language?

Which language? Well, the the one from

the illustrious one-armed man. Hey,

where was the one-armed man from?

From his hand.

That, the one-handed man. The Spanish

language.

By radio.

By radio. By shortwave.

Very short. Yes, of course. Thanks to

shortwave, you could hear our ground

stations and understand us.

That's the great thing, that despite

the Spanish the announcers speak, we

were able to learn the language quite

well.

There is no doubt that you are superior

intelligences. We are going to give

concrete reports to the press. Come on,

girl. Come, come.

Hey, Satu. We aren't smoking anything

weird, you know, kind of green,

as far as I know. No.

Well then, what kind of mess is going

on here?

Shut up.

Why?

Don't you realize they think your car

is a flying saucer?

Not anymore. Well, we have to tell the

truth.

No telling them anything, quite the

opposite. Can't you see we can take

advantage of this situation? If we play

along, we aren't doing them any harm.

On the other hand, if we leave them in

their error, we can gain a lot, a whole

lot.

Think of us, of our marriage, of the

poor people in the neighborhood. That

way you can carry out all your projects

. Listen to me, Martian. That's how

we'll get out of the poverty we've

always lived in. It won't cost you any

effort, just act superior to everyone.

Breaking news via direct line. The

world's leading nations, such as

Alimenia, Franascia, Trucia, Caibasia,

and Quinesia are sending their most

distinguished scientists by air to

investigate the interplanetary beings.

We will continue to report. The

apparatus they arrived in, the remains

of which are in the possession of the

wise Professor Saldaña for examination

, measured 36 meters, 20 centimeters

wide by 53 long. Barbarians. And they

say we are the gossips in the

neighborhood. Unfortunately for our

readers, it has not been possible to

take any photographs of them. Since the

two beings are incommunicado.

We must avoid having our photos taken

at all costs. We wouldn't want Don

Benustiano to see them and end our

little act.

Forgive us for interrupting, but my

daughter and I have taken the liberty

of ordering some clothes for you. The

dressmaker and the tailor will be here

shortly.

Honestly, I prefer to make my own

clothes. I don't like how you

earthlings dress.

Well, the H-line is in fashion now. Yes

, but she needs the S-line, which is

the one with more curves.

Well, well, whatever you like, but it

is necessary that you be visible as

soon as possible. Tomorrow the greatest

scientists in the world will be here to

examine you.

The scientists.

Although, compared to you, they will be

mere schoolboys. Alright, let's go,

honey. Ah, if you think of anything,

just leave it with the girl here.

Oh, Satur, I don't know why I get the

feeling we're in for a real beating.

Why don't we tell the truth once and

for all before it's too late?

Now less than ever. See, new clothes to

get started.

Yes, to end up a bunch of wise guys.

How can I even face them? No, Satur, I

can't go through with it.

Well, you have to do what you can.

Didn't you ever go to school? Well yes,

I passed by, but I never went in.

I believe in you. I have faith in your

success. You won't let me down now. M,

right?

Oh no, now I'm hooked. Give me another.

Lero, behave, someone might hear you.

Oh, why did you start it? Who started

it?

What? Who started it? No, it's just

that they're

hold on.

But what are you doing? We were

dancing. Dancing, and without music.

Yes, it's just that we have the music

inside us.

Inside. I have it inside me too. The

Martians have arrived and they arrived

dancing. Richacha, richacha, richacha,

richacha. That's what they call in Mars

a flying saucer. They all came down

dancing and one having fun and

scratching a TV. The Martians have

arrived and they arrived dancing. Rica

cha, rica cha, rica cha, rica cha.

That's what they call the cha in Mars.

The Martian women were so pretty in

their little mambo outfits spinning in

a thousand twirls. To the rhythm of the

ricacha. The Martians have arrived and

they arrived dancing the ricocha.

Ricocho, ricocho, ricocha. That's what

they call the cha. Another Martian was

playing it. A very strange instrument.

Mezalipiano already doing the ricacha.

The Martians have arrived and they

arrived dancing. Rica cha, rica cha,

rica cha, rica cha. That's what they

call the mark. Cha cha cha. The

Martians have arrived and they arrived

dancing. Rica cha, rica cha, rica cha,

rica cha. That's what they call the mar

. Cha cha cha. The Martians have

arrived and they arrived dancing rica

ya. Rica ya. Oh, Sato, I absolutely

cannot do math.

But you're reading the phone book, my

dear. Geez, no wonder I was seeing so

many numbers.

Drink this coffee. Come on. And keep

hitting the books, something's bound to

stick.

Well, unless it's just sleepy eyes,

make the most of the time to study.

Do you think you can do anything with

one night of study?

Many at least have their degree. It's

dawning already, Martian. Remember that

tomorrow is your day.

Or to see if the wise men don't give me

my hanging.

Ah, plus p plus b. You won't believe

the mess that's going to start. X 3k3 +

K + 2 equals. Respected gentlemen, I

kindly request you make your personal

introduction to our distinguished

visitors. Dr. Chimen, from the Imperial

University of Chinesia. Dr. La Fé

Larigué of the Scientific Society of

Fran Ger.

Doctor Guayabay of the Institute of

Caribeia. A pleasure, sir. Doctor

Spanten of the Faculty of Astronomical

Studies of Alimenia. Dr. Ivan KV of the

Astral Academy of Trucia. The other

wise men present in the room request to

remain anonymous.

Fine, that speeds things up. My dear

colleagues, I think it's obvious who is

who. She is Saturnina. It’s clear to

see that such a specimen does not exist

on Earth. I have her under observation

and I can swear to you on my word of

honor that she is worth observing for a

lifetime.

Don't get carried away, daddy.

I'm not getting carried away, daughter.

It's a conviction. As for him, there

you have him.

Apparently he is a man, but he is not a

man. Man descends from the ape and he

has descended from Mars until he proves

otherwise to us. Thanks to him, we will

know, to the astonishment of Earth's

humanity, what exists in other places

in the universe. Martian, will you tell

us what is in the beyond? Well, it

depends, because if you see the beyond

from there, then the beyond is closer,

but if you see the beyond from here,

well, the beyond is further away.

That explanation is very confusing.

No, sir, I find it very clear. It is

nothing more or less than the theory of

relativity. But let's start at the

beginning. Num is a num, said the wise

Greek philosopher Omó Plato. To finish

something, there is no other choice but

to start it. Copernicus claimed that

the stars revolve around the sun, while

Galileo stated that it is the sun that

revolves around the planets. My dear

Martian, can you tell us where the

truth lies? Well, the truth to me is

that both are very wrong because,

firstly, there are two kinds of suns,

the general sun and the numbered sun.

When the sun goes down, it means the

bill is bad. Ah, but when the sun goes

up, it means they are overcharging the

crowd. I had never heard such a thing.

Logical, that only occurs to the

ignoramuses. One moment, one moment.

The Martian means that according to the

theory of concentric rotation, the

epicenter of every steroidal volume

implies a displacement where the square

of omega is a multiple of alpha cubed.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. My

professor, you are very confused.

Because if we take the system of

fractions—who knows who broke them,

because I knew them as whole numbers,

eh? If the common divisor of 8*If 8

turns into a 2 by 3, I'll give you a

four and you'll be left with a six.

What we are interested in knowing is

the principle of the saucer's

propulsion.

Ah, the formula is very simple. You who

are wise will catch it immediately. B

C-B = C + D = A + X-K = H. You have all

of this, but you only need to add this

insignificant element.

Maeta.

Maeta pot.

Maeta. Exactly. Maeta is what you are

missing. How have you solved the

problem of social classes?

Over there in the world where we live,

life is very different.

There are no classes, right?

Not even in schools.

I am referring to social classes.

There are no poor or rich people there.

And how do you fix that?

By eliminating the influential ones.

And what did you do with them? We threw

them into space to wipe out the species

.

There is no doubt, you are far above us

.

Hey you, Martian, are you happy in your

world? Do you stop the nonsense, the

foolishness, and all that mess?

Yes, we are happy because we do

everything with affection. You suffer,

you have problems, you make your lives

bitter. It's your sorrows that kill you

. We have discovered that laughter is

what makes us immortal. That is why we

laugh, dance, and sing all the time.

Dance. But how is it possible that you,

who are so intelligent, so civilized,

still do the cha-cha?

Oh, that was danced there many

thousands of years ago. Now we dance

the ricacha. While the sun begins to

set slowly, a thousand orchestras from

the nearest planets play sweetly. So,

on Mars, all of life turns into rhythm,

musicality, joy. The Martians have

arrived now and they arrived dancing

the ricacha. Rica cha, rica cha, rica

cha. That’s what they call the march

cha from a flying saucer. They all came

down dancing and one enjoying and

coming down one, television. The

Martians have arrived now. And they

arrived dancing the rica cha. That’s

what they call the march cha. The

Martian women, very pretty in their

mampoleta outfits. they spun around to

the rhythm of the ricka-cha. Ah. The

Martians have arrived and they arrived

dancing. Rica cha, rica cha, rica cha,

rica cha. They were mesmerizing the sea

. Cha cha cha. Another Martian was

playing a very strange instrument. A

mix of percussion, cleaning and playing

the ricka-cha. Rica cha, rica cha, rica

cha, rica cha, rica cha, rica cha, rica

cha, rica cha. Rica cha, rica cha, rica

cha, rica cha, rica cha, rica cha, rica

cha, rica cha. Rica cha, rica. Oh, my

money, my dear money, where will I find

it with you old cover-up, it seems to

me you are in cahoots with them to make

a fool out of me?

I swear to you I know nothing.

Then you bunch of starving losers, if

you don't tell me where they are, I

won't lend you money with interest

again, and what's more, I'm going to

raise the rent.

But they are frozen,

I am concerned for them. Have pity on

me, Don Venus. See that I have no eyes

left. Shut up, we already know you

aren't blind,

that I have no eyes left to weep for my

daughter. Poor thing, the hunger she

must be going through with that dirty

man.

The good part will be when she doesn't

go through it anymore.

How so?

When you need them to stop. Oh, son. Oh

, son. A Latvian gave this to me. A

good man. Open my coat. So it's a ball

today, what a ball. What news, now

we're forever mourning, my God, my God.

Since you don't understand Astrusian,

we will take the liberty of translating

it. The message says," Seize the

Martian's head and send it. "Object:

study the brain mass." Proceed

immediately if you do not wish to be

purged. Chupanski. Oh, oh, oh. Ladies

and gentlemen, I proceed to bestow upon

our visitors the medal of traveler

merit.

And on whose behalf does this award

come?

From my country's tourism commission.

The commission really cleaned up. Eh,

what happened?

Oh, wow. It's made of oregano.

Well, I'd better put it away, because

between jokes and more jokes, these

things get lost.

I'll ask you again, did you manage to

perfect the atomic bomb?

Well, what do you call perfecting?

Killing more people in a minute?

Listen, we passed that era of savagery

many thousands of years ago. Now we use

the atom to help our fellow beings, not

to kill them. With that atomic bomb

talk, you give me the impression of

children playing with matches in a

rocket factory.

Hey, tell us something about the famous

Martian canals. Well, you see, when I

was governor of Channel 2.

Oh, you were a governor. And what

electoral system do you use there? The

same as ours.

No, on Mars we are more advanced. There

, the people don't choose the ruler;

the ruler is the one who chooses his

people. That's how we are happy and

immortal.

And there on Saturn, life is difficult.

On the contrary, it's very easy. So

easy that one never dies.

Hey, come here, girl. Not even in a

traffic accident?

Not even then. There, all pedestrians

carry a horn. That's why, so far this

century, only three trucks have been

run over.

So, there, the pedestrians are the ones

who run over the machines.

Eh, remember that we live in a perfect

country.

How wild, old girl. You went way too

far.

Eh, what language do you speak? None.

Words are no longer used. Our mental

concentration is so strong that we

transmit words through thought.

Illustrious sages, you are such hogs.

The youth also have the right to chat

with the handsome Martian. Excuse me.

No, don't leave me alone.

Ungrateful, all night with those idiots

and not even a glance at me. What do

you think of my headpiece?

The truth, the whole truth. You're

completely head-over-heels.

Now tell me, if it's true that you read

others 'thoughts, how do you do it?

Very simple, by means of invisible

antennas we carry inside here, we catch

the vibe.

And haven't those antennas been hurting

you all afternoon?

And why would they hurt?

Because I've tried to communicate with

you.

To tell me what?

To tell you...I can't say it, I'm so

embarrassed. But look, you'd better

catch my drift. Let's see, what am I

trying to tell you with this? Are you

reading my thoughts? Are you reading my

eyes?

Well, that you are totally crazy.

Crazy about you. He was. I was. Both of

them were. I've seen them. You don't

need to give me any explanations. I can

read your thoughts.

How embarrassing. How embarrassing. You

caught me off guard.

I arrived on time, didn't I?

And how exactly did Saturn save Mars

from a cataclysm with the Great Bear?

I'm Samy Boger from Chicago, a sausage

manufacturer. I have a great deal for

you.

What, are you going to turn us into

sausages?

Oh, no. I offer half a million dollars

for you to recommend my sausages.

Half a million dollars.

For that amount, I'd even recommend the

Jarabe Tapatío to cure a cough. Then,

it's a deal.

In a flash.

Here's a check for 500,000 as a deposit

, and we'll sign the contract right now

. But I don't think it's that easy. I

mean,

very easy. Catch me, I'm going to faint

. Half a million pesos. If we keep

going like this, we won't lack anything

. Hey, come here, sweetie. Can we ask

you a question?

Well, depends on the question. Like,

over there, up there where you guys

come from, are there beauty salons?

Beauty salons?

Yes.

And what for?

To preserve youth.

Oh, no. Over there, women never get

wrinkles and never age. They use

plastic surgery,

they don't use elastic surgery. They

coat the women in liquid nylon and hang

them on a hook every night. That way,

in the morning, they wake up nice and

smooth. Hey, sister, you’ve gone and

done it again, huh?

We ask you to excuse the natural

curiosity of my companions, but we

would like to know how you subsist,

what you eat. I mean, hello,

gee, any cereal?

No, we don't have that problem there.

We don't plant anything there because

we don't harvest anything.

And why, guys?

Because if we plant, there are harvests

, and if there are harvests, well,

there's cereal. If there's cereal,

there are shopkeepers. And if there are

shopkeepers, they abuse their power by

charging whatever they want. That's why

, for the happiness of the people, we

abolished harvests and the shopkeepers

are gone.

Wonderful. That’s thinking with

common sense. Respected ladies and

illustrious sages, we now have the

honor to offer our distinguished

visitor the ritual dance of Trucia.

Well, cheers, eh,

no, cheers, cheers,

no, all of it. Let me keep the secret

of your lips forever. Oh, oh, oh. Oh,

who

am I, Omar?

Ah, you're coming to your...Ah,

how did you wake up? Oh, absolutely

terrible.

Do you feel sick?

I can't even sit up anymore.

It's because you're not used to

drinking the Widow's champagne.

The Widow's? Well, I think it was the

Newlywed's. Because, you wouldn't

believe it. Oh, how my head is spinning

.

Does it hurt a lot? Cheers.

Oh, it’s awful. Well, it feels like

that Trucian guy is hacking it to

pieces with a machete.

Well, he's worse off, they took him

from here with a concussion.

And why?

What? And why? Don't you remember? You

gave him such a smack on the noggin

that the whole room echoed.

Well, I don't remember at all.

Well, I'm not surprised. And you said

such nonsense.

Hey, what did you say? Nonsense.

First you got all weepy, then you went

on about engineering. You managed to

pipe the canals of Mars and finally you

went off building a multi-crate.

Oh, oh, oh. Saturn. Look, let's stop

this tomfoolery because if we keep on

like this, we're going to end up in the

penitentiary. Oh, just hearing about

that "la-phosphere" makes my skin crawl

.

Oh, I'm very scared too, Mars. I

couldn't even sleep, dreaming they were

chasing me to take this little paper

away.

Oh, thank goodness. Those are

nightmares.

What do you mean, nightmares? They can

turn into reality. I know that when you

go to the bank and these papers aren't

in order, they throw you in jail. Well,

do you think this gringo is trying to

pull our leg?

Well, maybe yes, maybe no, but I'm

really wary.

Telegrams and commissions keep arriving

. Get ready to receive the Society of

Philanthropists and the architects who

are scientists. See you later. I said

good morning to them.

Then, good night. Uh,

good night, maestro.

Oh, that maestro has a loose screw.

Did you hear what he said?

Yes, I heard that the "ar-ky-tects" are

"sci-en-tists." And what does it matter

if they're 200 scientists? What?

But what are we going to tell them?

Well, we'll see what we tell them. But

I have to tell you something, and it's

very urgent. You know you look

beautiful in those rags. You look like

the Venus de Milo.

De Milo?

Yes, from my "de-my-lunch-stand." You

look good enough to eat.

Oh, Martian, be serious, they're about

to arrive.

Oh, then we shouldn't waste any time.

Look, stop with the tall tales, I

already saw you flirting with that thin

girl with the knife face. Eh,

lies. If I slip there, I'll get cut.

Don't be spiteful. Come on, give me a

little kiss, one of those puckered ones

, huh?

Nothing by force, not even shoes fit.

Well, then nicely, right?

Nicely.

Yes.

Then close your eyes.

Come on, my dear. Don't keep me in

suspense, give me my kiss. How much

does Mexico really need this existence?

Oh, I don't know what's wrong with my

eyes, I only see ghosts. Come on, don't

do that. Oh, you won't let me. I have a

heart condition.

I have you, Marquito. Come, come. And

you're mine, you're mine. I'm leaving

now. Don't, don't do that to me, man,

man. No, nobody is killing anyone. Here

I come. No, no, no. Oh, no. He's joking

. Don't worry, Martians are very

playful, and he is an adult who is

still a child. Alright, alright, enough

, enough with the games, enough with

the games.

The technical, scenic, psychological,

and panoramic architects. The

philanthropists.

The what?

Philanthropists. A Greek word composed

of "philos" and "anthropos."

Well. Well, speak plain English so we

can understand each other, right?

They wish to know how charity is

practiced on Mars, how one helps one's

neighbor.

Well, they help themselves. Since

poverty doesn't exist there, there is

no excuse for rich ladies to play

Uruguayan canasta for the benefit of

the poor.

So, nobody is very rich, and nobody is

very poor.

That's it. Neither this nor that,

because what's equal is never lumpy.

Any other questions? I don't think so.

Then, you gentlemen,

uh, what are houses like on Mars? Made

of reinforced concrete,

right? Made of unreinforced concrete,

because our anti-war position has led

us to implement disarmament even in

concrete.

Are you idealists? It's enough for you

to know that we make houses with

sliding roofs so the sky is closer, and

almost without walls so the air and the

stars can drift in as they please.

What you have said is very beautiful,

but very vague. We are practical men.

Draw a Martian house, please.

Can one draw the soul? I don't

understand.

That is the problem. You make houses of

masonry, but without a soul.

A moral trespass. Do me the favor of

giving me,

hey, do me the favor. I demand an

explanation from you.

Oh my gosh. My aim is to not talk

business all the time, and I need a

feminine touch. Sex appeal. And what is

that?

You're too old to know.

Well, what's up with you, mister?

What's the reason for this party? Did

you catch on with the widow too?

Oh, no. Big business radio, for

starters. The first hit with the Hammer

hardware store, 100,000 pesos. Combined

with the Filth-Sol soaps, plus more.

With the Carta Eufemia beer, 100,000

more pesos. The most expensive

broadcast of all time. We are ready.

Whenever you are.

Okay. Let's begin.

Ready. The remote control. Kind

audience. Courtesy of Hammer, the only

hardware store that always hits the

nail on the head. The Filth-Sol soap.

Famous since Pilate washed his hands

and of the exquisite Carta Eufemia beer

, we present an exclusive interview

with our interplanetary visitors. With

you, ladies and gentlemen, the stunning

Saturnina. No, I

yes,

yes, I eh I think that you all should

love each other a lot. Wives should

treat their husbands very well,

mothers-in-law be nicer to their

sons-in-law, and men must be more

generous with their spending so there

is more tenderness, and also more beef,

for man does not live by love alone.

All this with a smile on your lips so

that human coexistence may be greater.

Ladies and gentlemen, for the first

time in broadcasting history, we

present to you the interplanetary being

with the voice of Uranium, who will

speak with grace, charm, style, and

personality; in a word, he will speak

deep and profoundly. Hey you, Martian.

Dear friends, well, I think that the

Earth, speaking honestly, isn't that

bad. Ah, but you insist on ruining it.

Do you think we aren't watching you

from up there? We see you, and it

saddens us to watch you. Always sad,

angry, always at each other's throats

in your homes with fights.

Disagreements at work, wars between

countries. And what need is there for

that? Look, how nice it is to always be

content, tasty, fancy; you should be

happy and banish all envy and ambition

from all beings. Then there would be no

wars or soldiers, because instead of

militarizing civilians, what is needed

is to civilize the military. Behave

like brothers. When everyone is good,

what is spent on cannons can be spent

on beans. Don't be silly, man. We,

being pacifists, shout at you from up

there: peace, peace, peace. And you

respond, "Peace, peace, peace," but

with the pile of beatings you're giving

each other, is that right? No, sir, it

is not right. It seems like a lie that

you, who are human, don't know what

humanity is. Saturnina is right here,

you have to love each other for real.

Look, I am going to give you a warning.

If you keep on brawling like that and

playing with the atom and hydrogen,

you're going to run out of oxygen and

nitrogen will take you away. I have

spoken.

Stop it now, you're going to choke. All

day you haven't done anything but drink

water. Oh, my throat dried out from

acting like a radio announcer so much.

And what was the point of it? Nothing.

They aren't going to listen to you.

So what? It doesn't matter even if I

said what I felt, what I had inside.

Besides, thousands of people heard me,

and townspeople, which is the good part

. Hey, Sato, I have an idea.

Yes, I already know your ideas. Stay

calm and go sleep in your room with

your idea and I’ll be in mine.

Oh, it’s so obvious you’re an

earthling. You don't even have any

malice.

And you don't.

You're so mean because I wasn't

thinking badly of what you were

thinking well of. I wanted to suggest

we go out for a while to breathe some

fresh air, forget this fake life we

lead, and just for a moment be who we

were before, our old selves. Wouldn't

you like that?

You know I’d love to, but we can't.

How is it that where there's a will,

there's a way, Satu? You and I, who we

used to be, left out there, let’s go

find ourselves, find who we really are.

But you know they come to check every

night to see if we're here.

Leave that to me. Yes,

well, come on then.

Look, you'll see now. We'll fix it

right now. That’s very good, huh?

There you are, eh.

Eh, that’s you.

Well, let's go to my room. It's the

same thing, huh?

Now. Come on. While you play my double,

I'll get some money. No.

That's correct. Well, come on. Hurry up

.

But, which way? The front door is

locked.

Through the service door. There’s no

one there at this hour. Come on. Well,

I think that’s enough walking around

the center. Let’s take a walk through

the neighborhoods.

That would be nice, wouldn't it? Come

on.

Well, let’s go. I'm glad you two have

reconciled.

Yes, well, he and I won't fight again.

And thanks to the Martians.

And so as not to be outdone by my peers

, I lowered my prices today.

That's good, that's good. Cooperate

with the prices.

Let's see, two tacos,

cheek or tripe.

No, no, no. What tripe? I don't want

anything that smells like wisdom. Right

now we're a couple of idiots, just like

all lovers. Let's see, two carnitas.

Better not for now. Let's keep walking

through the neighborhood.

Well, let’s head back to the place.

It feels good to return to our own

environment, where you get to be you

again and I am me again.

You like that, don't you?

I like it and I don't like it. Do you

know what I’d like?

What?

That you were me and I were you.

What for?

Well, it’s not hard for me to say yes

. When will your supply of no and no

and no run out?

Well, it depends on what it's for.

Don't you know how to talk?

You know that we Martians understand

each other by thought.

Some carnations for the young lady.

Later,

later.

Keep going, young ones. I see that you

all learned the Martian message very

quickly. My wealth is to sing and to

dance. My fortune is to laugh and enjoy

. Not a rajah or a sultan. I have a

singular rhythm. My wealth is to sing

and to dance. My fortune is to laugh

and enjoy. Well, without being a shah,

a rajah, or a sultan, I have a singular

rhythm. You must always live smiling.

The Martian practices love in a flying

saucer. And they aren't like cats and

dogs throwing plates at each other in

the dining room. And they aren't like

cats and dogs. Yes, sir, long live love

. Yes, sir, let pain die. Yes, sir,

long live love. Yes, sir, long live

love. For Mars, I will be as on Mars,

my darling, more faithful than the

Canis Major. Pay close attention.

There’s no need to fight. No need to

quarrel, you must dance and smile. Well

, if you must hit or make a sound,

press your lips to kiss. No need to

argue, no need to fight, you must dance

and you must laugh. Well, if you must

hit or if you must thunder, press your

lips to kiss. Yes, sir, long live love.

Yes, sir, move the pain away. There are

no kisses, there are no kisses left

that poor Major Funa. Moon, moon, moon,

give me a lover who will give me. Like

no other moon, but a honeymoon. Moon,

moon, moon, give me a lover,

who gives me, a moon full of honey.

Never you can't even imagine. Hayo.

They are precious with so much shine

that they all say, "Oh, it finally

happened." But on Saturn they have a

ring, they have an engagement ring. And

the Martians have a star, we never lack

this one or that one. That she be very

beautiful, that she be a maiden, that

she leaves a mark on the heart. Well,

they are so many in space and even the

kisses they give us slowly, and yet

they want haste, they want laughter and

illusion. The ha-ha-ha is the song of

those who live with hope. The ha-ha-ha,

it cheers me so much that even my

mother-in-law is my passion.

The ha-ha-ha is so funny that it finds

the single ladies. That dance goes like

this. So funny that in the barrio you

find it. Hahaha. Hahaha. The hahaha

dance goes like this. The hahaha dance

goes like this. A step here and a step

there. A kiss here and a kiss there.

This is the haha dance. The cabac

dances here. A step here, a step there.

A kiss here and a kiss there. What?

Didn't you have fun?

A lot. But,

But what? Well, you look a bit down.

Well, what's wrong? How could we lie to

the professor?

Well, we lied to the professor, but you

saw how much happiness we gave people.

Yes, but now that they know the truth,

then what?

Oh no, don't even say it.

And they will have to know it, the

sooner the better. No,

no, well you're right. Alright, we'll

tell the professor. We'll go back to

being who we were. But remember, the

misery again, the hard work, no hope,

no dreams.

We will always have hope and dreams.

Well, then whatever happens, you'll

still love me.

My answer is this.

Which one?

What? Which one? I just gave you a

Martian-style kiss with just my

thoughts.

No, no Martian style. Come on, a

Earthling-style kiss. What a clear

conscience is. Look how peacefully he

sleeps.

It's a shame to wake him. Let's just

leave like this.

No, that wouldn't be decent.

But we can send him a letter later. No,

no, things must be done right.

Professor, professor, professor. Ah,

it's you two.

Yes. How did your skating go? Look, the

only one losing it here is you,

professor. That's why we came to tell

you that

I just had a divine dream, simply

divine. Imagine, I dreamt that the

world had changed, that everyone was

good, that they loved each other, and

that thanks to you, many had the same

dream.

Oh, professor, that's why I say you're

losing it. Wake up, professor. Look, we

are imposters.

We have deceived you, professor. We

don't come from the stratosphere, but

from a poor neighborhood in the city.

Calm down, I knew it from the start.

And you didn't kick us out

or report us.

I had my reasons. This humanity of

children always needs a toy, a dream,

and you brought it to them.

We wanted to make the people in the

neighborhood happy. You won't believe

us, professor. We dreamed of many

projects. Here, professor, we must

return all of this.

We want to pay for our deception by

giving away the money we made from our

lie. You know the needs of those poor

people better than I do. Do what you

intended, but keep some for yourselves,

too. You deserve it. You opened a

little window of love for many people

in this vale of tears. But what about

when it’s found out?

You do what you planned and keep quiet,

I’ll take care of the rest.

Thanks, Prof.

Thank you.

You really don't seem like you're from

this world.

Extra, extra! Mysterious disappearance

of the Martians! And what about me?

You’re not going to give me anything?

I’m going to give you the best

son-in-law in the world, Dad.

And later we’ll give you so many

grandchildren you’ll see.

But when?

Well, when we get back from our

honeymoon, we'll get started. Whatever

you say.

The illustrious Professor Saldaña will

explain the mystery of the Martians'

disappearance to you. I saw them depart

in a fiery disc toward the stars. But

their message remains, a message of

peace and love for every heart.

Wherever they may be, may our gratitude

reach them.

After all, it was a good prank, but

it's a shame that Martians don't really

exist. Ow! Uh.