Original subtitles

(dramatic music)

Downloaded from YTS.BZ

Official YIFY movies site: YTS.BZ

(dramatic music)

(ax thudding) (echo reverberating)

(logo whooshing)

(faint whooshing)

(dramatic music)

(gentle music)

- [Narrator] Below you is the ass end of the world.

The country you can see is the land known as New Zealand.

It's a pretty simple little place, really,

the North Island, that's the good one,

and the South Island, which sucks.

Spanning these two imaginatively titled isles

is a turbulent stretch of water known as the Cook Strait.

It has been swum across and rode across,

and thousands cross it every day by ferry and plane.

But only one man has ever tried to jump it.

His name is Randy Cambell, and this is his story.

(triumphant music)

- [Randy] Are you recording, Spanners?

- Yeah, I think so.

Hold on.

Yeah, I'm recording.

(battery alarm beeping)

(static buzzing)

(dramatic music)

Hey, Randy, how are you gonna get back?

- Reckon I'll swim.

(fire hissing) (upbeat dramatic music)

(bike clicking)

Whoa! (body thuds)

(fire hissing)

(moaning) My arm!

(sea gulls squawking)

(explosion booming)

(fire crackling)

(logo thudding)

(film whirring)

- [Narrator] Randy Cambell was born into a long line

of New Zealand stunt men.

(upbeat ragtime music)

His great granddad, Colonel Calamity Cambell,

was New Zealand's first true daredevil.

When he went over the Huka Falls

in a wine barrel and survived,

he began a family tradition that would last generations.

(upbeat rock music)

But Randy's greatest inspiration was his father,

Flaming Redge Cambell.

His rocket car of death stunt would've made him

the greatest daredevil of all time,

if it hadn't killed him.

Redge took many lives with him that day,

and many others were horribly burnt,

including his own sister, Dangerous Debbie.

(Redge groaning) (fire crackling)

(fire extinguisher hissing)

- There you go, son. (groaning)

Let's see if you can top that one, Randy.

(Redge gurgling)

- [Narrator] Randy was only two years old

when he was orphaned.

He was adopted by his Aunt Debbie and her husband, Norm,

and brought up as far away

from the glamorous world of stunts as possible,

a South Island sheep farm.

(gentle music)

- A sheep, why would I want a sheep for a cake?

I hate sheep.

- You're lucky you got a cake

after ruining your new bike.

- That bike sucked.

I wanted a BMX.

- Rubbish, a Healing Cruiser is the safest bike

on the market.

- It's the gayest bike on the market.

- [Debbie] We just want you to be safe,

to make sure that nothing horrible happens to you.

- Don't think we didn't see

that bloody old helmet you were carrying.

Tomorrow it's going in the bin.

- But it was my dad's.

- I know perfectly well whose helmet it was

and I don't want any talk of that man in this house again!

We've bought you a perfectly good helmet.

- It's even worse than the cake.

- Oh, go to your room!

You don't bloody deserve any cake!

- [Man] Spanners, you little shit, time to go!

- Yeah, bugger off!

(glass shattering)

(fire extinguisher hissing)

- [Announcer] Tonight, in your town, Dick Johansonson

and the Timaru Hellriders!

Dick Johansonson and the Timaru Hellriders,

believe the dream.

Dick Johansonson and the Timaru Hellriders put their ass

on the line one more time!

Dick Johansonson and the Timaru Hellriders,

every breakfast could be their last!

Tonight!

- [Announcer] Collingwood Speedway, five bucks.

(man screaming) (upbeat rock music)

(engines puttering)

- Hey, Randy, over here!

Hey, Randy, me and dad are working

on Dick Johansonson's car.

Awesome, eh?

- Fucking g'day, Randy, you fucking little prick.

How the fuck are you, matey?

- Hi, Mr. Watson, I'm okay.

I've kind of fucked my arm.

- Geez, mate.

You've broken your fucking wank, Spanner.

Compound fucking fracture.

- So what do I do about it?

- You take a suck on that.

You shove that in your gob.

Give us the fucking arm here.

(arm cracking) (both groaning)

That's it, boys.

There you go, you genius.

You're fucking cured.

Now, you grab this rag, give the car a good wipe-down,

and maybe I'll introduce you little shits

to a real live fucking stunt man.

- Wow, can you introduce us to Dick Johansonson?

- Depends on how hard you boys work in the next 10 minutes.

- Hey, Dad, what's he like in real life?

Is he cool, like you?

- No, Spanners.

He's a cock.

(dramatic rock music)

(engine roaring)

- The Timaru Hellriders, ladies and gentlemen!

And here's Chip Butler on his 50/50

about to jump four upside-down lawn mowers!

Go, Chip!

(crowd cheering)

(engine revs)

And here's French-Australian stunt driver, Reme Hauton!

And if I'm not mistaken,

that's Lucky Peter stuck to the hood!

And oh, my god, they're headed straight for that--

(car crashing) (crowd cheering)

Pete's a bit cooked, but he's all right!

Here comes Chip Butler!

Watch out for the ramp, boys!

Oh, no!

- Whoa! - Oh, shit!

This is a disaster!

That poor man!

Better get out, boys!

That car's about to blow!

(explosion booming)

Oh, man!

Oh, and what's this?

T-bone has been in the boot the whole time!

It's amazing, sir!

(crowd cheering)

- [Man] Yeah.

- All right, now, come on, T-bone.

Stop posing, you bloody wanker!

Pull finger and put out the bloody fire!

(fire extinguisher hissing)

They're all okay!

(crowd cheering)

The Timaru Hellriders!

And now, ladies and gentlemen

and children of all ages,

the moment you've all been waiting for.

Will you please put your hands together

for the star of the show,

Australasian stunt sensation Dick Johansonson!

(suspenseful music) (engine revving)

(firecrackers popping) (crowd cheering)

- Ladies and gentlemen, tonight, you,

yes, you get to help me, Dick Johansonson, make history.

Sounds unbelievable, doesn't it?

But here's the deal.

I need 30 of you charming hillbillies

to lie down on these comfy mattresses for two minutes

while I jump over you in my car.

It's that easy.

Who amongst you is brave enough

to take part in Dick's people jump?

- Yes, me! - Who wants to make history?!

- Me, yes, me!

- Go on, you little pin nibblers!

Fucking get in there!

- Yes!

Come on, Spanners!

(engine puttering)

- Seat belt on till we're parked, please, Debra.

- This is it, buddy, the real thing.

We're gonna be stunt men.

- Randy, I don't think I really want to be a stunt man.

- That's okay, Spanners, mate.

You don't have to do it.

You stick to being the mechanic.

I'll do the stunts.

- Yeah, I'm going to get candy floss.

- Excuse me, is that spot taken?

- [Randy] Oh, no.

- [Girl] Cool.

(braces dinging)

♪ Right now ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Now ♪

- So you reckon he'll make it?

- As if.

Haven't you heard?

He's totally lost his nerve.

- Says who?

- Says everyone.

My dad told me.

- No way, your dad's full of it.

- Shows what you know, country boy.

(Randy groans) - Norm!

- You worthless, little-- - Norm, stop, please!

Norm, Norm! (blows thudding)

(Norm groaning)

- Hey, Norm, you boring old prick.

How are you?

- [Girl] You all right?

- Yeah, it happens all the time.

That was nothing.

- Well, then, take your fucking place, homeowner,

right there on the ramp in the total-pussy area.

Now, shut the fuck up and don't move or I'll clock ya.

(Norm grunts)

- Hey, Debs, there's still a place for you, Debs.

What do you say?

One more stunt for old times' sake?

- Leave her alone, Watson!

Those days are long behind us.

- She's a fucking Cambell!

Fucking stunts are in her bloody blood!

- Leave her alone.

She's already been hurt enough!

- Mate, you're a jizzlobber.

Shut the fuck up.

Now, for fuck's sake, Debs,

you been hiding for 10 fucking years.

Come on.

Let's show these kids some of the old magic.

- Magic?

I'll show you what that magic does!

(dramatic music)

It turns my wife into a sideshow freak!

(vomit splashing)

Look at her!

She was so beautiful.

You petrol-heads ruined her!

(blow thudding)

- Yeah! (laughs)

- You don't have to listen to that ball-less wonder.

You're Dangerous Debbie Cambell.

You'll always be beautiful to me.

So go on, Debbie.

I dare you.

- All right.

I'll do it.

- Good luck to you, D.

- Thanks, Jimmy.

Debbie moaning)

- Get a room, Watson.

(dramatic rock music)

(engine revs)

- Five bucks he lames out.

- Five bucks he doesn't.

- Get on with it!

(engine roaring)

- Just bloody do it!

♪ We don't care about your blues ♪

♪ Don't give in or take it down ♪

- Not gonna!

(tires screeching)

(crowd groaning)

- Faggot!

- [Crowd] Boo!

(men laughing)

- Guess you owe me five bucks, loser.

- Guess so.

- Dick The Chicken Johansonson has punked out again.

Are the rumors true?

Has he lost his nerve?

(mic squealing)

- Ladies and gentlemen,

that was just a practice run to see if the run-up

and the ramp were safe.

Sorry, folks.

The ramp's not safe.

I'm calling the stunt off.

- [Crowd] Boo!

- Hey, what's your name?

- Tracy Jones, but my friends call me Tragedy.

- Tragedy, how come?

(wood cracking)

(Randy screams)

(Tracy screaming) (dramatic music)

(monitor beeping)

(ventilator hissing)

- [Dick] All right, coming through.

Out of the way, move along.

Move it, out of the way, go, go.

You guys, you cooking?

You ready?

Okay, let's go for a take.

(gentle music)

Hello, New Zealand.

My name's Dick Johansonson.

Last night, through no fault of my own,

a little buddy of mine got seriously hurt.

I personally swear I will not leave his side

until he makes a full recovery.

And I know with my support he might just pull through.

How do I know that?

'Cause I just made him an honorary member

of the Timaru Hellriders, and Hellriders are built tough!

- [Hellriders] Yeah!

- Randy, my good little buddy, this is for you.

If you ever need a brother,

a father, or just a buddy, I'll be there for you, mate.

From now on,

me and the Timaru Hellriders have got your back,

and that's a Dick Johansonson promise.

Get it, okay?

Let's get a beer and go and get one

with the brace-face cripple.

- [Jim] I think he's coming to.

- Dick?

- What'd he say?

- I think he said "Dick."

- Dick?

- What?

- Thanks, buddy.

- Let's get out of here.

This kid is freaking me out.

Oh, yeah, and you guys,

that jacket is from all of us, okay?

So you all owe me 10 bucks.

Do not fuck me on this one, boys.

Sweet.

(monitor beeping)

(fireworks whistling)

- [Narrator] Uncle Norm and Aunt Debbie were given

a proper stunt-man sendoff.

Norm, of course, would've hated it.

(engine revving)

It was a sad day.

But secretly, Randy was stoked.

11 years of boring farm work were now behind him.

Randy Cambell was now a Timaru Hellrider.

(gentle music)

- Mr. Johansonson, myself and my team here,

as occupational safety and health inspectors,

is to ensure the complete safety of this stunt site.

So listen here.

I'm not saying that you can't have fire,

but if you want it, you're going

to have to have a permit from the council.

Fire safety certificates--

Pull finger, Cambell.

Those toilets aren't gonna clean themselves.

- [Inspector] Richard!

Richard!

Richard, listen to me!

We don't want a repeat of Collingwood, do we?

- [Dick] No.

(people chattering)

(bucket clattering)

- I'm getting the. - Phew.

(flies buzzing)

(Randy groaning)

Oh, God! (groaning)

- [Tracy] Hey, hotshot.

You got my five bucks?

♪ Nobody else in my life ♪

(needle scratches)

- Tragedy, you look, shit, I haven't got five bucks.

- Well, you can shout me a beer after the show tonight.

- Okay.

- So you got some good stunts lined up for tonight?

- Stunts.

Yeah, yeah, oh, yeah, probably.

Yep, yeah, should be great.

That's what I do, stunts.

- Cool. - Yep.

- Can't wait to see you in action.

- Mm, you're coming tonight?

Cool, okay.

- Break it up, Cambell.

I'm not paying you to flirt.

- Hey, Dick.

Remember me? (peg leg thudding)

- Tracy Jones, how could I forget?

(dramatic music)

(peg leg thudding)

You may have noticed this is a crew-only area,

so why don't you hop along, there, stumpy?

- See you later, Daredevil.

- Cripples are bad luck, mate.

I don't want her hanging around here.

- [Inspector] Unbelievable, dangerous!

- How's that toilet looking?

- Oh, it's clean there.

- Good, 'cause I've got a sudden urge

for a big, stinking shit.

- Well, I was kind of, wondering--

- Mr. Johansonson, sir, seven issues of noncompliance.

ick screams)

No, no, not like that!

Don't use your back like a crane!

Use your legs to lift!

Use your legs!

(inspector sighs)

- Hey, hey, Dick?

- What do you want, Cambell?

- Can I do a stunt tonight?

- Listen, mate, you're not a stunt man.

You're just a dumb kid in a cool jacket.

- I spent five years

with the best stunt team in the country!

I've learnt heaps!

- Can't learn what I've got, buddy.

It's a kind of magic.

Besides, if you cock up, it's my ass.

Now, if you don't mind,

I'm trying to wipe my ring-piece here.

- Dick...

ick grunting) (water splashing)

- [Dick] Fuck!

Piece of shit

- Stunts are in my blood.

My dad was Flaming Redge Cambell.

- Newsflash, mate, your dad's dead.

I suggest you stop whinging, or you'll end up the same way.

Now, give us your jacket.

- What? No.

- Give me your jacket.

I'd do the same for you, mate.

Jacket, let's go.

Jacket, jacket, let's go.

Come on, jacket, jacket, jacket.

Now, break's over, so clean that shit up, will you?

(Randy groaning)

Oh, Christ.

What do you losers want?

- Just a quick fucking word, Dick.

With regard to our fucking pay.

- You'll get your pay, genius.

There just isn't any money, okay?

- Hey, Dicky, babe.

Hey, can I borrow 50 bucks?

- Sure can.

(upbeat rock music)

- Where's our 50 fucking bucks, Dick?

- Guys, this is Dick Johansonson.

Come on, he's a Hellrider, too.

He's one of us.

- Get your finger out of my asshole, Cambell!

You're not doing any stunts!

And as for you morons, listen up.

I'm currently balls deep in health and safety red tape.

Attendances are an all-time low

'cause you guys are fucking shit.

I'm expecting the bank to turn up

and finish the job any second now.

Fuck!

Fucking banker.

- [Spanners] Has he come to shut us down, Dad?

- That'd be my guess, son.

- Sorry, Dad.

- Shh, boy.

You're not the prick who got us into this shit.

- Hello, boys.

Which one of you fine gentleman goes

by the name of Dick Johansonson?

- [Dick] Oh, thanks, guys, yeah, thanks.

- I was wondering if I might have a moment of your time.

- Okay, let's get this over with.

(door squeaking)

(bright music)

(door squeaking)

Gather around, assholes.

Let's go, hustle.

Tonight will be the last show the Timaru Hellriders perform

on the South Island ever.

(all sighing)

- I can't deal with this.

- Tomorrow, we clean up all this crap

and sell it for scrap.

- Oh, I fucking knew it.

Back on the dole, boy.

- What little money we get from doing so

we'll spend on beers while we're on the ferry

on our way to a little place called Wellington.

- [All] Oh, what?

- I hope you boys like big tits and cocaine,

'cause we're taking this show to the North Island!

(all cheering)

- Yeah! - Yeah!

- Whoo-hoo-hoo!

- Hey, I'm not gonna need a toilet cleaner

on the North Island, so you're fired, mate, fuck off.

Out, out, out, out.

Now, boys, listen up.

I'd like to introduce you to a very, very close

and personal friend of mine.

His name is Sheldon Snake.

He's a hotshot promoter from the North Island.

He's got a lot of contacts and a lot of money.

Sheldon, they're all yours.

- Well he's right, gentlemen.

I'm here to offer every single one

of you the opportunity of a lifetime.

You've each been hand-selected,

and I want you to be the official stunt team

of a little radio station called Radio Te Puke

and a little cigarette company called Lucky cigarettes.

- (laughs) Yes, boys! (all cheering)

- Now gentlemen, gentlemen,

I'm gonna have to see the show

before everything is signed off,

but let me tell you this much.

If you boys are half as good as I've heard you are,

then the possibilities are endless.

- Mate, we're the best in the business.

Nothing can go wrong.

(metal screeching)

(man screaming)

Oh, for Christ's Sake.

(gentle music)

22 people.

You are kidding.

Is that it?

- Well, there's a few fucking comps, as well,

so that's, 20-fucking-five, counting those cocksuckers.

- Who's been giving out comps?

- [Jim] Lucky Peter gave one to his mom.

- Lucky Fucking Peter.

- Thanks for the comp.

- It's cool.

- Can't wait to see you out there,

amidst the flames and explosions.

Must be exciting.

- Yeah, it's great.

I mean, there's nothing like it.

- Will you dedicate a stunt to me?

- Look, Tracy, I've got to tell you something.

I'm not actually--

- Hey, look, Dick's throwing a shitty.

- [Dick] What do you mean, you can't do it?

- I crushed three vertebrae!

- [Dick] Do it or no pay!

- No!

- Would you just excuse me for just a second?

- I mean, Christ!

Screw you, find another human battering ram, asshole!

Let's go, Mom.

- [Dick] There is no one else!

- Hey, Dick?

- I thought I smelled something.

What do you want, Cambell?

- Look, please, can I do the human battering ram tonight?

It's probably my last chance I'll ever get to do a stunt,

And I promised Tracy.

- N and O spells no, and I told ya,

peg legs are jinxed.

I don't want her hanging around.

Get rid of her or I will.

Asshole.

(upbeat music)

- Fuck.

- [Announcer] Ladies and gentlemen,

would you please put your hands together

for the Timaru Hellriders!

(fire extinguisher hissing)

- This is shit.

(boxes thudding)

(fire extinguisher hissing)

- [Announcer] Well, I've seen some piss-poor stunt shows

in my time, but that really takes the shit biscuit!

- Right, great, awesome.

Hey, thanks, guys.

We can kiss the North Island goodbye.

Hope you're happy.

- So much for me being a stunt man.

- [Announcer] And here comes Dick Johansonson.

He's got safety officers on him like flies on shit!

He is one unhappy bastard!

- [Inspector] Richard, now, you just listen to me, oy!

Oy, stop!

You listen, Richard!

Now, we're having nothing

over 25 kilometers an hour, okay, Richard?

- [Announcer] Oh, safety first!

- Stop, this is not a safe piece of equipment!

You should go around, please.

Go around.

That's it, I give up.

ick groans)

- [Announcer] Oh, yes, ladies and gentlemen,

this sucks the big one.

I'm off to the pub.

- [Girl] Hey, Dick, baby, don't worry about those losers.

I'll make it up to you, okay?

- Yep, we're rooted.

(door thuds)

(insects chirping)

- Fuck this, guys.

(dramatic rock music)

You go, boy!

(gas splashing)

(people chattering)

- You go boy!

(Spammer chuckling)

♪ Shake it boy, cha, ching ♪

(fire whooshing)

(engine revs)

(engine revving drowns out singing)

- No, no, no!

There's no second start (shouting)!

(crowd cheering)

- Aw, fuck!

(metal crashing)

- I probably should've moved Dick's caravan. (laughing)

Not to worry.

ick coughing)

(dramatic music) (fire crackling)

(girl coughing)

♪ Everybody light up ♪

♪ Everybody light up ♪

♪ Everybody light up now ♪

♪ Everybody light up ♪

- Good one, Cambell.

♪ Put the oven mitts on ♪

♪ Where are all the knives and the ♪

(water splashing)

- You really screwed us, Cambell.

It's all over, and it's all your fault.

- Dick, that was fantastic.

Who is this little bad boy?

- What, the kid?

- Yes.

Dick and the kid.

I can see it now, up in lights.

Let me tell you what, boys.

We are gonna make some money.

I got the contract with me right now.

I need you two to both sign it

and then you are officially with Sheldon Snake.

Congratulations.

- Yeah! - Yeah!

(all cheering) (upbeat music)

- [Man] Let's go party!

- (laughs) Yes, boy!

- We're gonna set the North Island on fire.

- (coughs) I'm fine, I'm fine!

My fault, my fault.

And you, don't use your back like a crane!

Bend your knees!

- [Narrator] The following day, Randy

and his heavily hung-over mates boarded the ferry

to the North Island.

Randy had dreamed of jumping Cook Strait his whole life.

But for now he'd have to settle for a three-hour boat trip.

♪ Though I'm looking, though I'm looking ♪

- Hey, Randy, catch!

(man groans)

Bye, Randy!

♪ I should've known it from the start ♪

♪ Na, na, na, na ♪

♪ That's why I'm telling you, this is what I saw through ♪

♪ I turn away as you close the door ♪

(air horn blares)

- [Spanners] Tell us about the North Island again, Dad.

- Glamor, class, pizzazz, just sophistication

just dribbling out of its ass.

Not that I've lived there, of course.

It's full of fucking poseurs.

- [Randy] What are the ladies like?

- Oh, you're in for a treat there, mate.

They're a different breed up there.

Shave their armpits and their coochers.

- Wow.

- Gross.

- You'll understand one day, boy.

They're not all that bad.

Some of them are pretty nice.

Take your auntie.

She was pretty tidy back in the day.

- So did you and Aunt Debbie really go out?

- Yep, three beautiful bloody years.

- Wow, what happened?

- Oh, I fucked Spanner's mum while we were on tour.

(both laughing)

- That would do it.

- Yeah.

Anyway, enough of this bullshit.

Let's play some fucking drinking games.

- [All] Yeah!

- [Men] Hail, to the minnow,

the wee minnow, playing with his keys.

The name of the game is cannot breathe the name. (cheering)

(keypad beeping)

- Hey, Cindy? - Hmm?

- [Dick] Will you marry me?

- What?

- You want to get married?

- Okay, yeah, I suppose.

- Awesome.

You and me are gonna have a long, beautiful future together.

(cellphone beeps)

- Hey, just hang on one second.

Sorry, babe, what?

- I love you, Cindy.

- You're so cute.

(keypad beeping) (men shouting faintly)

(gentle music)

(air horn blares)

- Gentlemen, welcome to the North Island.

You are now the Te Puke Hellriders.

- We're the Timaru Hellriders.

- What's wrong with Timaru?

- Come on, boys.

Read between the lines.

Te Puke is money, it's glamor, it's excitement.

Timaru is a shit hole.

- I really liked Timaru, Dad.

- Good for you.

But let's leave the thinking up to old Sheldon over here.

And you know what's on my mind right now?

Making some Sir Edmunds.

So let's get this little puppy on the road.

- Yeah. - Cool.

- All right. - Yeah!

- Buy that for a dollar.

(people chattering)

- [Randy] Wow.

- [Announcer] Ladies and gentlemen,

the Wellington Motordome is proud to present

the hottest new stunt team in the North Island,

The Te Puke Hellriders, featuring Dick and the kid!

Tonight, these bad mothers will be performing

the trampoline of death!

Aw, shit, isn't that gonna be (muttering).

- Randy?

Can we have a fucking word, mate?

- Yeah, sure, guys, what's up?

- [Spanners] We don't think you should do the stunt, Randy.

- How come?

- 'Cause I was there in '83, when Lucky Peter tried it.

- Really, what happened?

- Tell him, Dad.

- Tell me, I can handle it.

- Lucky Peter was the first to try this gag.

It was all worked out perfectly,

only at the last second,

it all turned to shit.

The fat fuck went straight through the trampoline.

(metal crashing)

The car hit him, smack!

(body thuds) (Peter groans)

Straight fucking on.

- (groans) Poor bastard!

Was he all right?

- No, Randy, he was fucked.

His left leg was completely torn

from the hip socket, hanging there like a sack of meat.

That's not the really fucked-up part.

You see, in order to get him on the stretcher,

they needed to wrestle that bone back into the socket.

Brace yourself.

We got that bone back into place okay,

only one of his testicles got caught in the hip socket.

(bone crunching)

(Peter screaming)

(bone crunching)

(Randy groans)

He shredded three vocal cords screaming.

I've never heard anything like it before,

and I never want to again.

- Don't do it, Randy!

- You listen to him, Randy.

He's smarter than he fucking looks.

Don't do it.

Don't be an egg.

- I'm sorry, guys, but my mind's made up.

I've gotta do it.

(Mr. Watson sighs)

- [Crowd] The kid, the kid, the kid, the kid!

The kid, the kid, the kid, the kid!

The kid, the kid, the kid, the kid!

The kid, the kid, the kid, the kid!

The kid, the kid, the kid, the kid!

The kid, the kid, the kid, the kid!

The kid, the kid, the kid, the kid!

The kid, the kid, the kid, the kid!

The kid, the kid, the kid, the kid!

(crowd cheering) (dramatic music)

(fire crackling)

(dramatic music) (fire whooshing)

(crowd screaming)

(body thudding) (crowd gasping)

- [Man] Aw, come on!

(tense music)

(triumphant music)

(crowd cheering)

- Yes, yes!

- What a ginny little prick.

(crowd cheering)

(engine revving)

- Woo, yeah!

(body thuds) (tires screeching)

(crowd gasping)

- Yeah!

(crowd cheering)

- Yes!

- [Crowd] Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick!

Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick!

Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick!

Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick!

- In your face, Cambell!

- [Crowd] Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick!

Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick!

Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick!

(horn honking) - Yeah!

- [Man] Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick!

Dick, we did it!

Dick, we made it!

We did it!

(crowd cheering)

(horn honking)

(upbeat rock music)

- [All] Hands in the middle!

Below the middle, right here with the tits!

Be thankful your name is Canna Break This.

- Whoo! - Next!

(glass crashing)

(man laughing)

- You're next! (glass crashing)

(all laughing)

- You're next!

(men shouting)

(glass crashing)

(glass crashing)

(man screaming)

(people laughing)

(man screaming)

(upbeat music)

(engines revving)

- Gentlemen, welcome to Te Puke.

- [Men] Yeah!

- Tonight, we believe that we have come up with a stunt

that will send the kid here over the top.

- What about me?

People pay to see Dick.

- Relax, you, too, will play a crucial role

in tonight's stunt, because you'll be driving the car

that crashes head-on with the kid.

Let me talk you through it.

This is how I see it going down.

We'll have the Dick here in this corner,

Randy in the other, and then, gentlemen,

it's party time.

You'll race towards each other full tilt,

and in the middle, you will collide.

Cue the explosion.

I want you out of that car.

I want you covered in fire.

Flames burning, on the ground,

rolling around in agonizing pain,

and if I believe it, if you sell it to me,

if I feel it, then I'll put you out.

Any thoughts?

- It's suicide.

It's how Lucky Peter lost his teeth.

And I, for one, refuse to do it.

- I want you to cast your mind back

to when you signed that contract.

You remember doing that, right, Dick?

Writing your name down the bottom?

Putting your little Dick on it?

Well, that means that I own you.

In fact, it means I own all of you.

And I tell you what,

if you do not do exactly what I tell you to do,

I will get my lawyers involved,

and they will bend you over a barrel

and give you a little bit of the Sheldon Snake.

Understood?

- Understood.

- [Sheldon] All right, then.

Let's get on with it.

(dramatic music)

(engines revving)

(metal crunching)

(tires squealing)

- 15 years, 15 miserable, painful years,

I've been risking my butt.

(somber music)

Dick and the kid, my ass.

That little turd has gotta go.

I think I might have to organize a little accident

for Randy Fuckface Cambell.

See how good his stunts are from a hospital bed.

If you fuck me in the ass,

you're gonna get shit on your dick.

(upbeat music)

- Tonight, Te Puke, you're in for a treat.

Dick and the kid performing a flaming hot dog!

Ladies and gentlemen, let's see

if we can rustle up some applause for Dick Johansonson.

(crowd booing)

(Dick belches)

Let's give a warm Te Puke welcome

to Randy The Kid Cambell!

(crowd cheering)

(firecrackers popping)

Ladies and gentlemen, let's see

if we can get a couple of words

with this amazing stunt sensation.

- So you two morons think you know something

about stunt showmanship?

Well, you don't.

You, get to your car and get ready.

Give me that.

I'll show you how you work a crowd.

Listen up, assholes.

(crowd booing)

You can all go screw yourselves.

This stunt is dedicated to one person

and one person only, my girlfriend, my fiancée,

the love of my life, Cindy Cockburn.

I love you, Cindy.

- He's so romantic.

- Yeah. (laughs)

(mic squealing)

(crowd jeering)

(upbeat music)

(Randy huffs)

- [Jim] Well, he's off his bloody tits.

That's a good start.

- Hey, do you want to know a fucking secret?

- What's that, Dad?

- Well, that come-licker Dick sabotaged

Randy's car with explosives.

- [Spanners] That's not very nice.

- Not to worry.

I disconnected them all and put them in Dick's car.

Randy will be sweet as.

Dick, on the other hand, is completely fucked.

- (laughing) You're funny, Dad.

♪ We don't care about the truth ♪

♪ Or the wisdom of your gold ♪

♪ Just as long as you walk upright ♪

- [Announcer] Here we go!

Five, four, three, two, one!

(Jim grunting)

♪ You give a little and a little bit ♪

♪ We'll give you even more ♪

♪ With the barrel and you'll doubt fire ♪

(engines revving) (charge beeps)

(explosion booms)

♪ The memory of a devil in the stands ♪

(tires screeching)

♪ Everywhere I ♪

(explosion booming)

(crowd screaming)

(engine revving)

(fire crackling) - There's fire in the hole!

(Spanners sobbing)

- [Mechanic] No, baby. (sobbing)

No, baby.

- No!

(somber music)

(mechanic crying)

- [Narrator] Cindy Cockburn's death marked the end

for the Te Puke Hellriders.

Dick Johansonson was found to be 10 times

over the legal limit to operate a motor vehicle.

He got five years in the most nut-busting prison

in New Zealand, (gate grating)

Loose Canyon Correctional Facility.

For the rest of the Hellriders,

there was nothing left to do

but pack up their bags and hit the road.

(upbeat music)

(Randy whistles)

- [Man] Whoo!

- All right? - Great.

- [Narrator] In New Zealand, all roads lead to one place,

Auckland City, a city of excitement,

glamor, and dreams.

♪ It's like they say ♪

- [Narrator] A place where people come from miles around

to make it big in the movies,

a city where a hardworking stunt man could make

a decent living as long as he didn't mind

some posey actor taking all the credit.

- And action.

Cut.

Michael, that was outstanding.

Now bring in the stunt meat.

- [Micheal] Make me look good, kid.

- Action. (fist thuds)

(glass shattering) (Randy groans)

Another one, please.

(fist thuds) (Randy groans)

(glass shattering)

(Randy groans)

(Randy spits)

Same again, please.

(fist thuds) (Randy groans)

(glass shattering)

Cut.

All right, that'll do, I suppose.

Now, get him out of here, will ya?

(Randy spitting)

(Micheal sniffs)

- Great work, kid.

Which way did I land?

I think I got a splinter.

- [Woman] Oh, my God, are you all right?

First aid!

(gentle music) (rain drumming)

(swords clanging)

(blows thudding)

(body thuds)

(body thuds) (man groans)

- Oh, oh, my nuts, oh my!

(Randy sighs)

- [Dick] G'day, asshole! (laughs)

(bottle crashing)

(glass crashing)

- Yo, Randy.

Geez, man, you look like shit.

- Yeah, well, that's funny, 'cause I feel fucking great.

- I tell you what,

me and the boys are gonna grab a few beers,

head on up to Studio 7E.

This new kid on the lot is supposed to be pretty good.

- I'll see how I feel after I get the glass out of my face.

- You should come, bro.

You might learn a thing or two.

- Hey, monkey boy, get back to work.

- [Man] See you there, bro. (groans)

(upbeat music)

- No, yeah.

- Hey, kid. - How ya doin'?

- Hey, guys.

- Hey, check out your competition.

See that dining table there?

Props couldn't afford a breakaway table.

Now watch this.

- [Director] Action.

(body thuds) (fire whooshing)

- Whew.

♪ That likes to be put down ♪

♪ Don't leave me standing here ♪

♪ I'm not the kind that likes to be ♪

♪ The clown in the rainbow ♪

♪ The one who must say ♪

- Well, what do you know?

Tragedy Jones.

♪ Forever Tuesday morning ♪

♪ Without tomorrow's gonna be ♪

♪ Forever Tuesday morning ♪

- Nice work, kiddo.

- Hey, could you take a quick look at my ass?

(gentle music)

- Ooh, you're gonna need a few stitches.

- How about you get me to a doctor,

and then we can catch up?

- Let's roll.

- Oh, Christ, not again.

(dramatic rock music)

(blows thud) (Dick groans)

♪ Lost my faith ♪

♪ Got release ♪

♪ You go play on artificial grass ♪

♪ Lined up in black tuxedos ♪

♪ Lined up flat on my ass, yeah ♪

(men laughing)

♪ I'm feeling comfortably shaken ♪

(Dick screaming)

♪ Getting lost, getting high ♪

♪ Hit it up, bring it down ♪

♪ Laying back, flat on my bed ♪

♪ Laying back with mirrors above ♪

♪ Hey, I'm gonna hit it up ♪

♪ I'm feeling comfortably shaken ♪

- What do you want, screw?

- You're free to go, shit stain.

- About time.

- Action!

(blows thudding)

(body thudding)

(Randy screams)

(tires squealing)

(guns firing)

♪ Lost my faith ♪

♪ Got release ♪

♪ You go play on artificial grass ♪

♪ Lined up in black tuxedos ♪

♪ Lined up flat on my ass ♪

♪ Getting lost, getting high ♪

♪ Hit it up ♪

- Cut!

Well, that sucked.

♪ Flat on my bed ♪

♪ Laying back with mirrors above my head ♪

♪ I'm gonna hit it up ♪

♪ I'm feeling comfortably shaken ♪

(Randy and Tracy moaning)

- [Tracy] Oh, Randy!

♪ Lyin' flat on my bed ♪

♪ I'm feeling ♪

♪ Well, I'm feeling comfortably shaken ♪

(fire whooshing)

- Jesus Christ!

- G'day, asshole.

G'day, jinx.

- Have you been watching?

- [Dick] That's not important right now.

I'm here to talk business.

- [Randy] What the fuck are you talking about?

- Stunt number three, spanky.

Do you remember that contract you signed with Sheldon Snake?

- That contract was years ago.

I've got a job now.

- That's not stunt work, mate, it's pathetic.

- Yeah, well, the pay's good.

- It's weak.

I thought you wanted to be a daredevil like your dead dad.

- Oh, yeah.

- Good, well, listen up.

I've got an offer you won't refuse.

A stunt so spectacular it'll make Randy Cambell

the greatest daredevil of all time.

- Dick, no offense, but you're a dick.

You're gonna get Randy killed.

- Why would I want to kill Randall?

He's always been like a son to me.

- Cut the crap, Johansonson.

What's in it for you?

- Just my normal 20% fee.

- For doing what?

For being a fuckwit?

- Safety coordination, genius.

What, you think stunts like this

just fall out of people's assholes?

No, they take a lot of planning

and a lot of greasing.

A shitload of greasing with this amount of money involved.

- What kind of money?

- Six million big ones.

- Remember, son, you're a Cambell.

Stunts are in your blood, blood, blood.

- All right, I'll do it.

(dramatic music)

- Disgraced daredevil Dick Johansonson today announced

what he promised would be the greatest stunt of all time.

- Ladies and gentlemen,

I give you Randy Cambell and the $6 million stunt!

(crowd cheering) (people shouting)

- Well, me and wee Spanners here,

we've been working on the vehicle itself.

But all we know about the stunt is that it's gonna be

(beep) (beep) (beep) (beep)

(beep) (beep) (beep) (beep) big.

- [Announcer] G'day, Auckland City.

You're listening to the Rock,

and today could well be Suicide Sunday.

That's right, we're broadcasting live

from the Harbour Bridge, where young stunt man,

Randy Cambell, will be putting his ass

on the line once and for all.

(reporters shouting)

- [Reporter] What the hell's going on, Dick?

- [Reporter] Over here, Dick, tell the news!

(needle scratches) (mic squeals)

- Listen up, assholes.

I'd like you to meet a very brave little boy.

A very close and personal friend of mine.

His name's Randy Cambell, but I call him The Kid.

When I met him, he was a wretched little orphan boy,

but I took him under my wing.

I nurtured him.

Today he sails into the history books.

I want a loud round of applause for The Kid!

(crowd cheering)

(triumphant music)

- Just tell him what he's got to fucking jump,

you annoying fucking prick!

- Okay, okay, here we go.

Today The Kid here will be jumping the harbor!

- What? (Spanners gasps)

- Auckland bloody Harbour, mate, 1.5 miles.

- But, you'd need a rocket car to jump that far.

(dramatic music)

- You'd better believe it, buddy.

That little honey will do zero to 500 in 2.5 seconds.

Should jump that pond in second gear.

Piece of piss.

- Surely this is suicide.

- Listen, lady, if they can send a man to the moon,

I reckon I can get this kid at least as far as Takapuna.

(dramatic music)

- [Jim] Cover me, Spanners.

Got a grip there.

- Whoa, you can't come through this way.

- But my boyfriend's making the jump.

- [Guard] No pass, no entry.

(switches clicking)

(alarm beeping)

(blow thuds) (guard groans)

- Randy, I think I found something under the car.

- Not now, Spanners.

- He's busy, get away from him, boy.

He's in the fucking zone.

- Randy, baby.

- [Randy] Hey, Trag, what's up?

- Randy, please don't do this stunt.

It's suicide.

- What, I've got to do it.

I mean, Dick's counting on me.

- I don't trust him, Randy.

He's gonna kill you.

- (sighs) Look, he's not gonna kill me.

I've got to do this.

There's heaps of money at stake,

and we went out, got flags and everything.

- Who cares, what good's money if you're dead?

Just don't do it, Randy, please, for me?

- Bet my dad would have done it.

- Yeah, your dead dad.

- [Redge] Come on, Randy.

Stop fucking around and get on with it, on with it.

- Well, okay, hotshot.

I figured you'd feel this way.

- [Randy] What are you doing?

- I'm not standing by while you fly to your death.

I'm coming with you.

- What, you can't!

- Why not?

- Because it's suicide.

- Well, exactly.

(Randy sighs)

(Tracy screaming)

(bone crunching)

- Asshole.

(explosion booming)

- You're right.

Johansonson is a dick.

He's always been a dick.

I can't survive this stunt.

I mean, look at this rocket car, it's shit.

Looks like it's made out of junk.

I'm not gonna do it.

- Thanks, Randy.

You'll find your big stunt one day.

But right now, I love you and I want you alive.

- We got a long future ahead of us, Tragedy.

(dramatic music)

Let's get out of here.

- Cool.

There's just one other thing I need to tell you.

(trigger whirring)

(explosion booming) (Randy screaming)

- Come on, Randy.

Come on, Randy!

- Come on, Randy! - Randy!

For God's sake!

- No - Come on, Randy, no!

- [Man] Come on, Randy!

- [Man] (groans) Come away.

(people screaming)

(metal clanking)

- [Dick] Fuck me in the ass,

you're gonna get shit on your dick.

(dramatic music) (sirens wailing)

Take me to the fucking airport, asshole.

(somber music)

(fire crackling)

- [Narrator] Against all the odds,

Tracy Tragedy Jones survived,

but not for very long.

She was left a dribbling, brain-dead quadruple amputee,

paralyzed from the neck down

with a barbecued lung and no skin.

The machines kept her alive for three weeks

before her family made the decision to pull the plug.

That's when Randy left.

(ventilator hissing)

(man sobbing)

- Doctor, I think you should check this out.

(heartbeat thudding)

(heartbeat thudding)

♪ When you left me ♪

♪ You never said goodbye ♪

♪ Nobody told me ♪

♪ The reason why ♪

♪ And when you left me ♪

♪ A little part of me died ♪

♪ Would you think less of me now ♪

♪ If I broke down and cried ♪

♪ I'm lonely, baby ♪

♪ Why'd you have to ♪

♪ Nothing they give me ♪

♪ Will take away this pain ♪

♪ I drink myself stupid ♪

♪ Again and again and again and again ♪

♪ And all of my days and nights, they end the same ♪

♪ I go to bed happy ♪

♪ And wake up in pain ♪

♪ I'm lonely, baby ♪

♪ Why'd you have to ♪

♪ I'm lonely without you ♪

♪ Can't live without you ♪

♪ Don't want to make it on my own ♪

(Dick snorting)

♪ I'm nothing without you ♪

♪ Go nowhere without you ♪

♪ Don't want to live this life alone ♪

♪ Well, the smile on your face ♪

♪ Will never be replaced ♪

(doorbell rings)

- I'll get the door, then, sir.

- Don't bother, it'll be my morning blowjob.

- Very good, sir.

- "Very good, sir," cock.

- G'day, fuck-knuckle.

(blow thuds)

(gate thudding)

- [Narrator] Dick Johansonson got 25 years for the murder

of Tracy Tragedy Jones.

- [Man] Your ass is mine, Johansonson!

- [Narrator] But for Randy, the punishment was far worse.

He was back in the South Island and back on the farm.

(gentle music) (sheep bleating)

(birds chirping)

(Randy groaning)

(dramatic music)

- [Randy] Long time no see.

- Yeah, so what's up, farm boy?

- Word is you're planning something big.

- We want in.

- What the fuck are you trying to do?

That's got to be 10 miles, at least.

- 15.

(upbeat music)

You recording, Spanners?

- [Spanners] Yeah.

How far do you think you're gonna get, Randy?

- Well, Spanners, I hope no one's eating

their dinner in Upper Hutt,

'cause I might just come crashing down through their roof.

(battery alarm beeping)

Now, let's do it.

(film crackling)

(bright music)

- Yeah, Randy.

(tense music)

- Good work on the car, Dad.

- Now, son, you did most

of the fucking work on this ring-piece.

I'm very fucking proud of you.

- Thanks, Dad.

(gentle music)

- You're a good little cuss, Spanners.

Come here, eh?

Go on, fuck off.

(upbeat music)

(switches clicking)

(gear clicking)

(engine whirring)

- Go, Randy, go!

- [Spanners] Whoo-hoo!

(fire whooshing)

(engines whirring)

(engine revving)

- Yeah! - Whoo-hoo-hoo!

(men cheering)

- Yeah, yeah! - Come on!

- [Redge] Randy, no matter what happens,

just remember, stunts are cool.

(Randy laughing) (triumphant music)

(metal creaking)

- [Randy] Did I make it?

- [Narrator] Randy Cambell's rocket car didn't make it

to the North Island.

But Randy did.

Just a little slower than expected, but in style,

with his arms around the New Zealand bikini team.

At 9:00 o'clock that night, Randy realized his dream.

He left the South Island in a rocket car

and arrived in the North Island a hero.

Randy Cambell, the last in long line

of New Zealand stunt men.

Or was he?

(crowd cheering)

- Randy, meet your son, Ricky.

- What?

- Hi, Dad.

- G'day, son.

- Want to see me do a stunt, Dad?

- Yeah.

- Aw! (crowd cheering)

- [Jim] Whoo, come here, boy!

(all shouting)

- [Narrator] Ricky Cambell's first stunt was shit.

But he would get better, a whole lot better.

He would live to make Randy the proudest dad

in the whole wide southern hemisphere

and possibly the whole stinking planet.

For one day, Ricky Tragedy Cambell would fulfill

the great New Zealand dream

and make the jump to Australia.

(engines roaring)

Because he was a Cambell,

and Cambells have got stunts in their bloody blood.

- [Ricky] Ricky to bulls-eye.

(com beep)

You bastards better watch out down there.

I'm coming in fast!

(computer beeps) (file crackling)

(engine revving)

(upbeat music) (metal crunching)

- [Man] Yeah!

♪ Randy Cambell, I hope you lose your life ♪

♪ Randy Cambell, I really hope you die ♪

♪ I'm just a good old boy from the South Island ♪

♪ I'm tryin' to make my way in the North Island ♪

♪ I wanna be the greatest stuntman in New Zealand ♪

♪ All you stunt fans will remember my name ♪

♪ Randy Cambell, I hope you lose your life ♪

♪ My is Randy Cambell ♪

♪ Randy Cambell, I really I hope you die ♪

♪ Randy Cambell, I hope you die ♪

♪ My name is Randy Campbell ♪

♪ Randy Cambell, I really hope you die tonight ♪

(body thudding)

(people yelping)

(man yelling)

- [Man] Oh!

(water whooshing)

- [Narrator] Tonight, New Zealand's greatest hit ever,

stuntman, Randy Cambell,

will attempt to jump 17 upside down lawnmowers.

On a Raleigh 20.

Will he make it?

(dramatic music)

I fuckin' doubt it!

♪ Randy Cambell, I hope you lose your life ♪

♪ My name is Randy Cambell ♪

♪ Randy Campbell, I really hope you die ♪

♪ I'm just a good old boy from the South Island ♪

♪ I hope you die, Randy Campbell ♪

♪ I'm tryin' to make my way in the North Island ♪

♪ Die, Cambell, die, Randy Cambell ♪

♪ I'm gonna be the Queen's stuntman in New Zealand ♪

(glass crashing)

♪ All you stunt fans will remember my name ♪

♪ Randy Cambell, I hope you lose your life ♪

♪ My name is Randy Cambell ♪

♪ Randy Cambell, I really hope you die ♪

♪ Randy Cambell, I hope you lose your life ♪

♪ My name is Randy Cambell ♪

♪ Randy Cambell, I really hope you die ♪

♪ What do you want ♪

(man yelling)

- Fuck!

(man groaning)

- [Director] Cut.

- Ow, fuck, that's my toe nail, Jesus.

(audience laughing)

- Sorry. (laughing)

- Holy shit.

(film beeping)