Original subtitles

Eggs will be ready in a moment Good

morning

Paula will be home this afternoon

Oh, I'm sorry, dear.

Between the interest rates and the market, what did you say?

I said Paula will be home this afternoon.

I'd appreciate it if you would show up for dinner.

You've got to speak to her about that boy she's seeing.

I do think you're making mountains out of molehills, dear.

I like Sammy.

Never could understand why you don't like him.

Old boy.

Look at the time. I gotta go.

Bye.

Nothing lasts forever.

You having lunch with Miss Van Hurst at the club?

Not today.

No, I'm going to an art show in the city.

Not really in the mood.

You know, Paula's coming home this afternoon.

I'm sure Sammy will be over.

You're having life with... Oh, Darcy.

You know, you've been such a loyal friend for so long.

I can't even tell you.

Well, you see, I've been seeing Sammy's father, Sid.

Oh, Carla, what have you done?

Oh, if you only knew.

That won't come between us, I promise.

Oh, God.

Oh, no.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

You're so special.

Do you know how good you make me feel?

oh oh

Oh my God.

So good.

I hired you as a detective. I never expected this.

Are you sure this report is correct?

Look, she meets him every Friday at his place for about two hours.

Is that your daughter?

Yes, in fact, I'll be seeing her tonight Do you

You have any idea how long they've been seeing each other

years Years years

I'll get her for this.

I'll fuck her daughter's best friend.

Oh, Jesus.

Get it off me.

Oh, yeah.

One

more.

Oh, yeah.

Oh god, I'm gonna cum!

Friday

Oh my god.

Well, my parents are way too prim and proper to embarrass anybody.

But how can you be sure that no one is here?

Well, it's Friday.

I mean, by now, my mother's in bed with her lover.

And my father is counting his losses at the stock market.

Oh, have you decided how you're going to break the news to them about you and

Sammy? No.

That's not going to be very easy. I was hoping you being here would help an

awful lot.

Well, what do you want me to do? You thinking of telling them in front of a

stranger? Yeah. Who's going to keep them from making a scene? Sure. They don't

know you. They can't blow off in front of you because it would look really bad,

right? How do I figure that? It would be perfect. You know, they'd have to sit

there and wait. Well, you're off the tape.

You know, my daughter's coming in this weekend.

That's nice.

Is that all you have to say?

You know they're fucking.

I guess it has not gone unnoticed that I do not like them dating.

Hey, Carla, cut the shit, all right?

I agreed to meet you here every Friday for good sex.

Real good sex.

And let's leave the kids out of it, all right? I mean, nothing's going to come

out of it. It's all going to blow over.

You wear a guy out, so I'm going to get some sleep.

This has got to stop.

I think the time has come for me to tell you something.

Jesus. Men.

Sid, I want to tell you something.

God damn it, Sid.

You're Paula's father.

I really missed you, Paula.

I'm so glad you approved of me marrying Sammy.

It really means a lot to me.

What is this stuff?

Bubble gum.

I heard you're a little bit old with chewing it.

Never.

Listen, Paula, I've got something to tell you about your boyfriend's father.

What do you know about Sammy's father?

Well, you know, I used to work for him.

Oh, of course I know that.

Well, that's how I got you. Another time.

Look, girls, I've got to go start preparing dinner.

So I'll be in the kitchen. If you need anything, just holler. All right?

All right.

Is she for real? She looks awfully young to be a maid.

Darcy's better preserved than King Tut.

That girl is 30 years old.

Jesus, you're king.

I know what you mean.

There you go. Thanks, Paula. Thanks, dear.

I saw your boyfriend's father today.

Oh, Mother, I'm so glad you get along well with him.

Because, um, I'm going to marry him.

You're going to do what?

Oh, hi, Sammy. Ginger, what did she say?

She said that they're getting married.

Paula, we really have to talk about this. Really, Mother? I'm a grown woman.

There's nothing to discuss.

Oh, Mom.

i want you to like him i want you to learn to love him sorry i'm late last

minute phone call oh daddy i want you to meet a friend of mine this is my dad

who's just the greatest oh john l lauren meet ginger walters to her school chums

she's bubble gum bubble gum hi well i certainly hope we can entertain you

bubble gum is an economics major really

I had a bad day.

John, are you tipsy? Women get tipsy, dear. Men get drunk.

I really have to talk to you.

Later, dear.

Tell me more about yourself, Bubblegum.

I'm always interested in Paula's friends.

There's the dinner bell.

Paula,

let's go to my place.

I can't be gone that long.

Besides, I can't leave Ginger.

Look, I'm not comfortable here. Besides, your mother doesn't care much for me

anyway. Who cares?

It's not my mother I'm thinking about.

It's your hands.

I didn't know my hands were so popular.

Well, let's just say, besides your tongue and your cock, they're quite

irreplaceable.

Oops.

Ooh.

Oh!

God, I can't wait till we're married.

Mmm.

Bye.

Paul?

Wouldn't you prefer the real thing?

Oh, God.

Look, I didn't mean not to. God, you're a pervert.

What were you doing? Having a little fantasy?

Is this what you were thinking about?

You wouldn't tease me, would you?

Ah.

K00K's Hit Pick of the Day in the T-Zone. May the Force be with you and

the Forces beyond!

I can't wait until this assignment shows up.

You can see it's under normal circumstances.

I think I've got the information you need to end this farce.

But I've got to have breakfast ready in an hour.

I think the bed would be more comfortable.

Listen, John is not Paula's father.

Sid is Paula's father. I could have told you that.

You're gonna love this.

Sammy and Paula are getting married.

Really? Yeah.

Look, I also got some news about Sid for you too.

Not now.

Oh, baby.

Oh, yes.

Oh, baby.

Sick baby.

Yes.

So good.

Play with it.

Yes.

Oh, baby.

Oh, no, no. I want you up here. Come on.

Come on.

Oh, baby.

Mhm.

Just use your tongue.

Just on the tip.

Just put your tongue right on the tip of it.

Just on the tip.

Please.

You'll love it.

Mhmm.

I love you, dirty bastard.

Come on here.

Augh!

Ginger, I'm so sorry that you had to come at such a difficult time for our

family.

I'm just glad that Paula has such a lovely friend.

Daddy, you sound so serious.

What's going on?

Well, you see, I just had a rather...

disturbing phone call from uh from a private detective that i hired to follow

your mother daddy why how could you

well you see i have for some time suspected your mother of seeing sid

sammy's father

however i didn't foresee it

bringing so much sorrow

You see, Paula, I'm not your father.

Sid is.

Shit. You mean... That's right.

You and Sammy are siblings.

You mean she's Sammy's sister?

Seems so.

Shit.

Oh, God, Danny, no!

Call me John, please.

Mother, say it isn't so!

Oh, Mother, how could you?

I'm so sorry, sweetheart.

Oh, mother, how could you?

Oh, mother, you're such a snake.

Paula! Paula!

Paula!

Paula!

Paula, are you in there? Go away!

I've got something important to tell you.

Paula!

Sam, what are you doing?

I've got some wonderful news, honey.

Don't you think we're a little too grown up to be doing this?

You're not my sister, and Sid is not my father. How do you know?

I talked to my mother last night, and she swears that another man is my

father.

Sammy, are you sure?

Of course she's sure, and she's even got the blood test to prove it.

Oh, Sammy.

Oh, Sammy, we better get married before something else happens.

Oh, it makes me so happy.

Sammy, who is your father?

I don't know.

Didn't my father date your mother before he married my mother?

You mean... Oh, Sammy, does that mean you're my brother again?

Could be.

Who cares?

Oh, fuck me. Oh, fuck me. Oh, Sam. Oh, honey.

Oh, my God. Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh. Oh.