Original subtitles

- Hello?

Hello?

Jessica?

Victor?

Mia?

Hi, I'm Daniel Powell.

This is a picture of a big happy family.

It's not mine.

I don't actually have a picture of my family all together.

In fact, we haven't had a meal together

since I was four years old.

I do have a picture of my father and I though,

Edward James Powell, the billionaire.

He raised me on his own when Mom died.

I mean, he had some help

from his second in command, Lawrence.

And this is my brother, Victor, his twin sister Mia,

and our sister Jessica.

They were sent away to boarding school

after Mom passed away, so I don't remember much,

but I do remember

that Jessica was quite caring and generous.

- And don't forget to like, subscribe, share,

and use hashtag of the week, #HomelessIsBad.

- Spare change?

- Oh my God, babe, can we go back upstairs?

I think that homeless guy over there is like looking at me.

- What guy? Where?

- Spare change?

- This guy?

- And I always remember Mia

as being a real people person.

- Hi, excuse me, Ms. Powell.

You have a call from-

- No.

- Okay, would you like me to-

- No.

Carter?

- Yes.

- Did you take a message?

- And Victor?

Well, he always had a nose for the finer things in life.

- Oh shit.

Oh, that ain't good.

I am a sous chef

and hoping to open my own restaurant one day.

That is tarragon vinegar.

- Tarragon.

- That's Emily, my biggest fan and now fiancee.

- Please tell me when you open your own place,

you're gonna serve this.

- We've been trying to get everyone together

to tell 'em the big news but...

I just have to remind myself,

they are incredibly busy people and they couldn't come.

No luck so far.

We're gonna see 'em tonight.

I just wish it was for a different reason.

Dad.

- Oh.

Daniel.

- Oh.

- Daniel.

- Dad. - Daniel.

Oh, you're just the one I wanted to see.

- Yeah?

- I screwed up.

I spent a whole lifetime pushing people away,

putting money above everything.

And what do I have to show for it?

Nothing.

Just a big hole in my life.

A big hole filled with millions and millions of dollars.

- That's not really a hole, Dad.

- But none of it means anything if you're alone,

and that's why I'm so glad you're here.

I want to tell you-

- Hold on.

I think I know what you're gonna say.

That you feel like something's been missing your entire life

and that you see the same thing happening with me.

And now is the time that we need each other the most, right?

And so you know what I'm gonna do, Dad?

I'm gonna go out there and I'm gonna get my brother

and my two sisters and I'm gonna bring 'em in here

so that we can be together as a family.

- Oh, fuck no, don't you do that.

- Oh?

- Pull it.

You bring them in here and I'll yank it right now.

- Dad, you need those meds.

Please stop, calm down.

- You're right, they'd love that, wouldn't they?

To see the old man kick the bucket?

- No, they wouldn't want that at all.

They're not evil.

- They're greedy and they're ungrateful

and they're lazy and they're scummy.

- They're your children.

And they're the only family I got if I lose you.

- Look, I got plenty of fight left in me

and you got yourself a good girl, a wedding coming up,

so go start a family with her.

- I don't wanna start a family.

I have one.

- One you couldn't last a weekend with if I paid you.

- Well, that's not true.

Why don't we do this, Dad?

Why don't we go to the beach house, huh?

I mean, that's what we did after Mom passed

and we had a good time, right?

I mean, I was four.

I don't really remember.

- Okay, Daniel.

Okay.

- Okay?

- Okay, we'll go.

It'll be a good chance

for you to really get to know your family.

- Well, that's good.

That's what I want to hear.

Okay, I'm gonna go.

I'm gonna go get the doctor, get an update.

You just rest, okay?

You mean it, right, Dad?

- Of course.

Over my dead fucking body.

- Doctor.

I would like an update on Edward James Powell immediately.

- Jessica.

- Brother.

- Hi.

I'm so glad you came.

- We're gonna get through this.

It's like I always say to my followers,

in times like these-

- Make sure to share, like, and smash that subscribe button.

- That's not where that part goes, asshole.

- Yes, go here-

- Whoa!

- Is he dead? - Did he die?

- I mean, is he dead?

- Did he die?

- Your father is fine, thank God.

And I was worried about him.

- You dragged me all the way down here for that?

Lawrence, can you just like go get us an espresso

or something?

- He's not your manservant, okay?

He's Dad's.

- Look, I have something to tell you all.

I spoke with the doctors

and it appears there's a bit of a concern.

- What?

I was just with Dad, he seemed fine.

- He is fine.

Daniel, he's fine.

He will be discharged sometime today.

- Thank God.

- Your father's a very strong man.

Very strong.

He's not even scared of words

like terminal or aggressively incurable.

They don't scare him.

And do you know why?

I'll tell you why.

He has an inner fuel,

a fuel that will help him fight this thing.

So mark my words,

the world has not seen the last of Edward James Powell.

- You okay, babe?

- Yeah, I just...

Not looking forward to this.

I want everybody to be happy.

You know, I want my father to get the respect

that he deserves and...

- See.

- Mia, hi.

- Daniel, hello.

Melinda.

- Emily.

- Emily.

How are you?

- Fine, thanks.

- I'm sure you are.

- Why weren't you at the funeral?

- I don't think that Dad noticed.

Besides, I sent flowers.

- Balloons.

- Balloons. - Yeah.

- It's the thought that counts.

- Clearly.

- I don't like her.

- Anyone else left in your family for me to meet?

- God.

- I have my lawyer standing by

in the case of any unfortunate monetary decisions

made by my father.

- Like you even need it.

- I do need it.

Whatever money I get is money you don't.

What are you doing?

- Taking pictures of you and posting the ugliest one.

- Why are we still talking?

Okay, can we just cut the fucking checks

so we can get outta here? I got an appointment.

- Is that what they're calling merciless beatings now?

- All right, enough, everybody.

To my left, I have the last will and testament

of your father, Edward James Powell, dated 10 years ago.

It is very generous to everyone in attendance.

- Good.

- Equal shares all around.

And to my right,

I have a notarized affidavit hereby negating everything

that's in this document,

thereby making this document...

Completely worthless.

- What?

- Wait, what the hell is going on?

- It would seem that your father had a change of heart

after his little talk with Daniel

in the hospital the other day.

- Do we just like get nothing now?

- That's entirely up to Daniel.

See, Daniel now has the freedom, if he so chooses,

to walk away in an instant with everything.

- Everything?

- Everything.

- Like all of it?

- That's what everything means.

- Or he could choose to share the inheritance

with all of you, but not equally.

He would retain 50% and then the rest of you would split,

you know, you do the math.

- Well, what's 3/2 divided by 1/3?

- Try again.

- Of course, in that instance, you all would get nothing

if you don't adhere to the rules of your father.

- What rules are you talking about?

- Ah, follow me, please.

- If you're watching this, it means I'm dead.

- Oh, no shit.

- Oh, shh.

- What? It's not like he can hear us.

- We can cut the bullshit for the time being.

Daniel has a choice to make.

Daniel can share his fortune,

but that means that the rest of you will have

to spend the weekend together.

- No.

- Getting to know one another as only a family can.

- No!

- At our family beach house.

The flight leaves the Toronto hangar

at 10:00 a.m. tomorrow morning.

- No.

- What?

- It's early.

- If, however, one of you doesn't show up

or bails before the weekend is over,

then Lawrence will redistribute your inheritance

to the others.

- That's my favorite part.

- Now, you can't just sit in your room for the weekend

and ride it out.

You actually have to be together like a real family.

If you don't, Lawrence knows what to do.

Do not disappoint me.

So Daniel, what's it going to be?

- I'm calling my lawyer.

- Well, maybe we should talk about it first.

- Let's do it!

- So this is how we get to your beach house

in the Cayman Islands?

- Yep, Dad's little weekend getaway.

Come on.

- Where the hell is Victor?

- Maybe right there.

- Hey, easy, easy, easy, easy.

- God. - Jesus.

- Oh, oh God!

What the hell?

- Why is she here?

- Emily? - Sorry, you referring to me?

- We were told not to bring anyone.

- Not the face!

- You brought Carter.

- Lawrence!

- Okay, let's go check the plane out.

- All right, we'll see you Monday.

- Remember, Monday, or we cut more off.

- Yeah, see you Monday.

Yeah.

Hey, what's up?

Good guys, right?

Gave me a free ride to the airport and everything.

- They seem positively charmed by you.

- Is this machete adequate, Ms. Powell?

- That will do. - Okay.

- What the fuck is that for?

- It's for hacking things like fingers.

- Jokes on you.

They use pliers.

Who the fuck needs a pinky anyway?

- Let's cut to the chase.

How much money did you blow on drugs?

- Shit ton.

- So you need a lot of money fast.

- What do you think?

- I have been thinking.

Let's say something were to happen to the person

who's in line to receive the largest sum of money,

say, on a secluded tropical island?

Then you and I would stand to make a great deal of money.

- Hey, let's go, it's island time!

- Lawrence.

There is no wifi on this piece of shit.

How am I supposed to live stream?

Can you set up a hotspot or something?

- Allow me to make something very clear to you.

I am not your servant.

This weekend, I am the one in charge.

I make the rules.

And my first rule is fuck your hotspot.

- We are almost there.

It should be coming...

Okay, there it is, there it is.

The old family beach house.

- You do know what a beach house is, right?

- Yeah.

Oh, Dad's made a few little upgrades along the way.

- Little upgrades.

- The girlfriend complicates things.

- Look.

Why don't we just get him to leave?

- How do you propose we do that?

Little Daniel is on a mission

to fulfill our dear dad's dying wish.

- And I just believe that if you live

on the frequency of positivity, then nothing can go wrong.

- Killing him is the only option.

- Isn't there like a less violent way?

- Oh, hey everybody!

We got board games!

Apple Grapple?

- I'll think about it.

- Oh, wow.

- Damn.

- Welcome, everybody.

I realize that most of you have not been here

for quite a while,

but I also don't want you to think of this as a vacation

because it is not.

Here you are, Daniel.

For the first time in your lives, you are going to work.

In case you missed the fine print in the will,

your father made a list of things for each of you to do.

Those are called chores.

Enjoy.

- Wow, this is great, huh?

It's way bigger than I remembered.

Look at this, you got the ocean as a background here,

a big home movie theater, storage shed for storin' stuff.

If this place could talk.

- It'd tell you to shut the fuck up.

- Baby?

- Hey.

- Hey, why aren't we unpacked?

- Daniel, I think I made a mistake.

I don't think I belong here.

- Of course you do.

You belong here as much as I do.

- Exactly.

- Okay, that's fair.

Look, I know this is a bit crazy, right?

They're a bit crazy.

But this also was my dad's dying wish,

a wish that he made because of me,

so I think it's fitting that we're, you know,

here at the place that we were after...

You know, after Mom.

- You know, you never really talk about her.

- Well, we never talk about her, so...

Okay, there's just not a lot to talk about.

My dad said that she died doing what she loved.

That's all I know.

And that's sort of when everything changed, right?

They left and it was just me and him at home.

And you know, it was great, right?

Like, but I think we both felt the absence, right?

Not just of Mom, but of everyone.

And in the hospital,

my dad talked about the loneliness that he felt in life.

And I think that I feel that too.

So that's why I owe it to myself and to them

to just try to bring us back together.

Right, that's fair?

- That's fair.

- It's a nice setting.

It's pretty.

- Couple of days?

- Couple of days.

- Fine.

- Love you.

- Couple days.

- Couple days, and then we're out.

Let's unpack.

Where's my?

There it is.

Ah.

- She's around him all the time, there's no-

- A lame excuse.

- No, it's not.

- Groceries up, ding ding!

Oh, I hope you two are ready for the best meal

of your entire lives.

You know, I've always said food is the one thing

that can bring any family together.

- Yes, nothing brings people together more

than two bags of lettuce.

- Right, yeah?

Exactly.

All right, well, I will leave you two to your chores.

- Oh, that reminds me.

Carter!

- Yes, Ms. Powell.

- Do you have that chore list?

- Yes, I do.

- Are they done?

- No.

- Carter? - Yeah.

- Make sure to get them all.

- Are you sure?

'Cause most of these are rotted.

- Easier to cut then.

- Fucking coconuts.

Jesus!

- What do you think you're doing?

- Eating.

- Did you finish chopping?

- Oh, no, I'm just taking a break.

Plus there's like 20 other things on that list.

One of them just says dig a hole.

- Did you dig a hole?

- Uh-uh-uh!

Nope, that's not till after dinner.

- What is it?

- Oh, let's just say

that I made a little something something

for each and every one of you.

You want a hint?

- No.

- No, that's fine.

It's better.

It's better it's a surprise.

It's fine, all right.

- What you got there, more fucking envelopes?

- These envelopes are quite different, Victor,

because inside here are things that you might get.

Money, stocks, properties.

Ah, but only if you follow the rules

that have been laid out by your father,

which means it's family time.

And more importantly, you're gonna spend some time together,

a lot of time together.

And believe me, after all the years

of abuse and suffering you have put me through,

I will have no shortage of joy

in just eliminating any of you from this inheritance

that you so think you're entitled to.

Okay, enjoy your dinner.

I need a drink.

- I haven't eaten since the funeral.

Danny, let's go, dinner!

- Oh, dinner won't be ready for about an hour.

Yeah, sorry, but you know what they say.

The best meals take time, right?

Relax, drink some wine, talk amongst yourselves,

and remember, no peeking.

Eh?

- Sounds cheap.

- Looks cheap.

- Excuse me.

- How do you even?

It's cake.

- "To my trusted advisor, Lawrence,

"I extend my deepest gratitude

"and you will receive full compensation for the weekend."

Yada, yada, yada, come on, what do I get?

- And I leave to you my undying thanks

for your years of steadfast loyalty and hard work.

Also my grandfather clock in my study,

which will hopefully bring you as much happiness

as it did me.

- I devoted my entire life to you.

I gave you everything I had, and this is all I meant to you?

A fucking clock?

This is what I think of your fucking clock!

- Lawrence.

What the fuck are you doing?

Is that our money?

- Are you live streaming this?

- No.

That's like totally off brand for me.

I'm doing this as evidence

of whatever the fuck you're doing.

- Well, this is my money and I'm leaving with it.

- Oh, like hell you are.

I show this to Mia and she'll sue you like five times

before you even get out that door.

- Do you know what I did for your father?

- I don't know, some like old guy servant shit?

- Besides my normal duties,

I did things for your father that he did not want to do.

- What, did you like kill people or something?

- No.

I killed secrets.

Your father desperately wanted to protect his image,

which was extremely difficult to do with you.

- It was a Halloween costume.

I was paying tribute to their culture.

- Phone, please.

Thank you.

And delete.

- What do you want?

- I just want what's mine.

And you're going to help me get it.

- Jesus Christ.

- This the Powell residence?

- Yeah, yeah, it is.

- Thank you very much.

- Wait, wait.

Aren't you gonna deliver that?

Whatever.

- Shit!

Don't do that.

- Victor.

I need to give this to you.

- Oh, I didn't know you cared.

- It's for Daniel.

- Daniel doesn't do coke.

- Do not put that up your nose.

- That's where it goes.

- It's poison.

- No.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I said I'd think about it, okay?

I didn't say I was gonna...

Okay, if I did it, how would I even do it?

- You put it in his wine.

Now.

The old imbecile keeps changing the plan,

so time is of the essence.

- It's not coke.

- Victor.

Hey.

You want some wine?

- No, I don't drink.

I'm just admiring yours.

You know, that looks like a great year.

- Great year.

- It's very red.

What'd you make in there?

Is that spaghetti?

- No, no.

That's actually a homemade Stringozzi pasta

that Idid myself here

and I've slow roasted the tomatoes for about three hours.

That's what gets the sauce nice and beautiful here.

See, the key is-

- Yeah, it sounds like a lot of bullshit for spaghetti.

- Yeah, it's very spaghetti-esque, I'd say.

I'm kind of in the middle of this.

Is there something I can get you or?

- No, just quality time with my baby brother.

- Oh, well, that's nice to hear, to be honest, you know.

Actually I do have something I want to talk to you about.

- Yeah?

- Can you keep a secret?

- Kidding me? Yeah, man, I'll take it to your grave.

- Sorry?

- What?

- You said, "I'll take it to your grave."

- Yeah, I'll take it to my grave.

- No, you said your grave, as in my grave,

not as in your grave.

- I don't know what you're talking about.

- You know what, never mind.

Nobody needs to take anything to a grave here.

Everybody's gonna know soon enough.

- Yeah.

- Just too excited.

Wanna share it with somebody.

Emily and I are getting married.

- Get the fuck outta here. - I know, it's crazy.

- That's, yeah, great.

- Yeah, it's...

Whew, feeling it, just saying it feels great.

You know, I haven't told any of the others yet.

You're the first to know, so yeah.

- That's something special.

- Yeah, you know?

I mean, I feel like this is kind of the thing

that we should be doing, sharing things like this, right?

It's what family's for.

- Give me one of these.

- Yeah, right.

- There we go.

- Yeah, the hug, it's nice.

Oh!

Hey.

You're my brother and I love you.

- Okay, that's enough.

- Yeah, yeah.

Emotional for me too.

- Yeah, we should cheers.

- Cheers.

Yeah, of course.

- Drink up.

- No.

That's my timer.

Let me just check this.

We're not there yet.

However, I have the perfect thing.

Yep, this is gonna do.

- No, no.

- Oh yeah, I know, I know.

It seems crazy, right?

It was a lot of wine.

You'll just barely taste it.

It'll give it a kick, just like that.

Wanna taste it now?

- Fuck no. - No, okay, got it.

- Well, he didn't wanna leave me anything,

so I'm just gonna have to take it.

I want half.

- Half?

- Well, I could take the whole thing, but I'm not greedy.

Actually, 75%.

Turns out I am a little greedy.

Look, it's more than you'd make

if you stuck out the weekend with your family.

Don't hurt yourself.

All I need you to do is

keep your imbecilic siblings occupied

while I sneak all the money out of the house.

We don't want 'em to know anything we're up to

until we are long gone.

- Hey babe, it's me.

Looks like we need to take care

of another loose end before you go.

I just wanna tell you guys

what's been on my mind a lot lately.

Clouds.

Like what are they?

And where do they come from?

- Soon, my love.

Soon.

- And like, do they ever leave?

And when they leave, where do they go?

And like, why are some green and red?

- Bingo.

- Oh, that's perfect.

That's it right there.

It was the wine.

Do you mind keeping an eye on everything

while I just go to the bathroom quickly?

- Yep. - Okay, great.

Thanks.

- Have a good...

- I will.

- Fuck.

Damn it.

That an iguana?

No time to slow roast that shit.

- Victor, what the hell is going on?

- Fucking cooking, okay?

So go stall him, will you?

- Daniel, I was just looking for you.

- You were?

- I need to talk to you about my feelings.

- What was that? - Nothing.

- Sounded like something.

- I heard it earlier and it was nothing.

- Okay.

- Now about my feelings.

- Jesus.

- I know how important feelings are to you.

- Excuse me, I have to go, I have a dinner going on.

I have to go check on the dinner.

- Hey, dinner's ready.

- Did you do it?

- Mm-hm.

It was a little glitch, but he took a sip.

- You moron. He had to take the whole thing,

otherwise it'll just make him...

- Make him what?

- Daniel?

- Yeah.

- Baby, what happened?

- This isn't gonna go back together.

Oh, I don't know.

- Are you okay?

- You okay, pal?

- Yes, yes.

We're gonna do the dinner, okay, just...

- It's not my fault.

- Just give me a minute.

Oh shit!

- Give me two minutes.

Oh. - Careful.

- I don't eat carbs.

- Oh, oh, okay.

Well, you can eat the sauce then.

- But you don't have to do this.

There'll be other dinners.

- No, no.

I worked hard on this meal.

We're gonna enjoy it.

- Oh, no.

- I'm good.

Oh God.

- Daniel?

- Poor Daniel. You know, he was telling me

in the kitchen he wasn't feeling well,

must have been something he drank.

Or ate.

All right, let's leave it there.

- It's all fucking bedrock.

- You hungry?

- Yes, yes, I'm so starving.

Thank you so much for that.

This is honestly the nicest thing anyone's ever...

Thank you.

- Daniel?

Are you okay?

- I think you should probably pick me up

some medicine from town.

Just ask the pharmacist

what they'd give to someone throwing up organs.

- Okay, all right.

- Oh, God.

- Leaving?

- Yeah.

Daniel's not feeling well,

so I'm gonna grab something for his stomach.

- How wonderfully kind of you.

- Right.

Does anyone need anything?

- I could use a couple of things now that you mention it.

Let me just make a list of ingredients.

That's one.

Victor. - Jesus!

Stop doing that.

- I've secured us ample time.

Now might be our only chance with him alone, so get it done.

- What would you like me to use?

I'm kind of out of options here.

What, should I put him down for a fucking nap?

- Yes, an eternal nap.

Let me know when you're done.

- Close the door.

Close it.

Hello?

Hello?

Jessica?

Victor?

Mia?

- Don't fucking make a move.

Keep your fucking voice down.

Don't make this harder than it has to be.

Oh, fuck, that's disgusting.

What the fuck?

- I know you.

Aren't you-

- Shit.

- Whew!

Jesus.

- So Daniel, I was thinking you should...

Okay, it's like a...

Okay, it's just...

Yeah, yeah, that'll do it.

That's good.

Lawrence.

- Victor.

- I was just going to check on Daniel.

- With a pillow?

- Mm-hm, mm-hm.

Brotherly bonding stuff.

- With a pillow.

- Mm-hm, mm-hm, yeah.

It's...

- Lawrence, join me for a moment.

- Oh God, the shed?

- All right, what is it, Mia?

It's late.

- I'd like to offer you a job.

- A job?

- Yes.

I think you're just the kind of man we're looking for.

A real go-getter, as the kids say, CEO material.

- Well.

- Do it, you can do it, you can do it, just...

Who the fuck are you?

- And of course I would need a company car.

- Of course.

Oh, position has just been filled.

She's a good woman, you'd love her.

- I'm flexible on the car.

Mia?

- Victor.

- Look.

- That's not Daniel. - Right?

- Who's that?

- I think it's the mailman.

- What gives you that idea? - He's dressed like a mailman.

- Shut up.

Where's Daniel?

Victor?

- Oh.

- Lawrence.

Hi.

- Hi.

- You're just the person I wanted to see.

Come here.

- Okay.

- Yeah, this should do the trick.

- Well, that explains that.

- What do you think, do you think he's dead?

- Not unless the dead breathe.

- So what do we do now?

- We do exactly what we have been doing.

- Okay.

So like what?

- You know who that is?

- What?

Yes, it's a fucking mailman.

- It's the man who killed Daniel.

- Oh.

I don't follow you.

Oh.

- You get it? - No.

- I don't know why I didn't see it before.

They're trying to kill Daniel.

- Exactly.

Them, not me.

- Well, we've gotta stop them.

- Or we get outta here with the money

before they try and kill us next.

- Right.

- Oh, no, we can't go out there.

They'll see us.

It's better to go off the balcony,

stop at the shed to get like a weapon or something,

and then get to a car.

- Well, we could use mine.

I've already transported half the money into it.

- I'm beginning to like you more and more.

- No one's ever said that to me before.

- I understand why.

What?

- Victor, move, so I can drop him.

- Can you give me a second to get off this ladder?

Okay, I'm down a digit.

God.

All right, send him down.

Shit, wait.

What was that?

- What?

- That, that sound, you hear that sound?

- What sound?

- That sound.

It sounded like a...

Ow!

Fucking iguana! - What iguana?

- The fucking iguana that's biting me!

Fuck, get off, fuck!

- Yeah, fucking coconuts!

- Fuck, fuck!

- Jesus, shut up. - Get off me!

- Oh shit, what the hell is that thing?

- Oh shit.

Damn it.

- Kill it, kill it.

- Did you hear that?

It sounded like a chainsaw and a lot of screaming.

- Whatever, let's just go.

- Okay.

- No, Lawrence, don't!

- Lawrence.

- Mia.

- What, you were just taking a walk and it attacked you?

- That is exactly the story.

You know, the iguana is a mystery, it's a riddle,

it's an anemic, you know?

And you never know what's gonna provoke it to attack.

- What, what?

- You gotta finish those coconuts, man.

I...

Sleep.

- Has anyone seen my machete?

- Hey, hey.

She's here, she's back.

The girlfriend character.

She's here.

- Why aren't you stalling her?

- With what?

- What is on your shirt?

Who did you kill?

- No one, it was an iguana.

They're very explosive.

What do we do?

- You take care of them.

I'll take care of Emily.

- Who?

- Soon my love.

Hurry up.

- Stop ordering me around.

You know what, I'm still in charge here.

And come to think of it,

you haven't given me any actual proof that we're in danger.

For all I know, Daniel's totally fine.

- What are you doing?

No, get back here!

- I'm getting the fuck outta here.

- You are a fucking idiot!

- Crazy ass white people.

- Okay, now what, now what?

- Daniel, babe?

- What, no, you were supposed to take care of her.

- Go.

- You keep changing the plan.

Shit.

- I got that medicine.

Hopefully it works out better for you.

Jesus!

Mia.

You startled me.

- I have that effect on people.

- What are you doing in our room?

And have you heard from Danny?

He's not picking up his phone.

- I believe Daniel and Victor went on a night stroll

to get some fresh air.

- Okay.

Then what are you doing here?

- I heard a noise and when I entered the room,

the door was open, but it was just a breeze.

- Oh.

You know, I saw Lawrence and Jessica running from the house.

You know anything about that?

- I can honestly say I don't.

- Oh shit, oh shit.

Oh.

Shit.

Okay, okay.

Okay, come on, come on, let go of this.

One, two, three.

- I don't know, I just feel like something's up.

Mia?

- Oh, hilarious.

- That's it, atta boy.

Okay, safe.

All right, enjoy your ride, here we go.

- I'm calling the police.

- What?

Get your ass back here.

- No, you're all fucking crazy.

- I'm not losing that money!

- Why don't I make us a couple of drinks

while we wait for the boys?

We can bond.

- Okay.

Milk, please.

- Great.

- You need help in there?

- I'm fine.

- Okay.

- I can't see you.

The hell is he?

Daniel?

Daniel?

Daniel?

- One milk.

- Thanks.

- Cheers.

- Right.

Daniel?

- Oh.

- Baby, where have you been?

- I don't know. - Where's Victor?

- Hey.

Oh, hey, here I am.

Here you are.

God, I can't take my eyes off this guy for a second.

- Yeah.

Oh, oh.

- Sit down.

- Where are we?

- Where are we?

Come on, man.

The beach house, duh.

- Why are you covered in blood?

- Hm?

Me?

I...

Iguana.

- An iguana?

- Attacked me outta nowhere.

- You expect me to believe that?

- Mm-hm.

- Hey, you found the machete?

- What the? - Oh God.

Yeah, oh yeah, it's...

- Oh, okay.

- So I did. - Wow.

- Why is there blood on it?

- Why is there blood on it?

This guy cracks me up.

- Okay, why are you covered in blood?

- Oh, an iguana attacked us.

- See?

So everything checks out.

- I dunno how to explain it,

but there's something weird going on here.

- I gotta lay down.

- Okay.

Okay.

What's the last thing you remember?

- Today?

Laying down for a nap.

And then, oh, I had a sexy dream about wrestling a mailman.

And that's about it.

- Okay.

We're done.

We're going now.

- What?

No, no, no, no, I can't just leave them.

Come on.

- You don't even like them.

They sure as hell don't like you, babe.

- So?

You don't have to like your family.

Like, listen, you're never gonna understand this

because you had yours your entire life.

I can't even get these guys to sit down for a dinner.

I mean, if I give up now, like what do I have?

- What do you mean, what do you have?

You have me.

- No, no, no, that's...

No, you can't ask to take the place of my entire family.

That's not how it works.

Why can't you just give 'em a shot?

- Because I hate them.

I hate them.

They treat you bad.

They treat each other worse.

And I'm not gonna sit here

waiting for something terrible to happen, okay?

- Okay, then don't.

- What?

- Then don't.

The rental's in the driveway.

Go ahead and take it.

- Okay, you don't mean that.

- I'm gonna stay here with my family

and it doesn't sound like you want to.

Oh God.

- Where am I sleeping?

- The couches seem comfortable.

Oh, leaving so soon?

- Yes.

I'm sure that'll make you very happy.

- And Daniel's not going with you?

- No.

For whatever reason,

he thinks you all actually want to be his family.

- Well, we are his family.

- No, you're not.

Family's supposed to be caring, loving, supportive.

- My God.

You're worse than he is.

You think you're gonna give some little speech

on your way out the door about love and togetherness

that will make us see the error of our ways

and live forevermore in familial bliss.

Well, you're not.

You're just gonna leave.

Goodbye.

- That was Daniel's rental car.

- But we just saw Daniel's body.

Do you think-

- They're disposing of his body? Yes.

Good thinking, Lawrence.

I can see why Dad kept you around.

That means the coast is clear.

Let's go to the shed.

- Fuck the shed.

Let's get the hell outta here.

- Couches are comfy.

Fucking witch never gives me a break.

Shit.

- Jesus.

What the fuck?

- Oh!

Oh no.

- We say a tree fell on him.

- What, bash his head in with a fucking coconut?

- Exactly.

At the deposition, I'll say we were all so crushed.

I wouldn't be able to keep a straight face.

Use the machete.

- Psychopath.

- And that's all of it?

- Yep.

You know your father,

always liked to make a big, bold statement.

Like giving somebody a clock.

- Oh my God, enough with the clock already.

- You're right.

Doesn't matter.

This'll more than take care of that.

There's enough here to last us a lifetime.

- Oh, fuck me.

Please, please, please pick up, please pick up.

Come on, pick up, please pick up.

- Oh, so now you wanna call me?

Okay.

Nope.

You wanna stay there with that crazy ass family?

All good with me.

- Pick up.

- Hey, this is Emily, I'll call you back.

- Oh shit!

Baby, baby.

I'm sorry, I take back everything I said.

These are horrible, horrible people.

And if you don't come get me right now, something very bad-

- Daniel?

Daniel, we're making tea.

Do you care to join us?

Daniel?

Daniel?

Oh, fuck!

- Daniel. - Jesus!

- Join us for tea.

Daniel? - Yep, coming.

- I mean, they're probably not gonna notice it's gone.

Yeah, they'd just waste it anyway.

- Babe?

Babe?

Babe?

My love.

- Oh, hey, brother.

Come here.

I saved you a seat.

Anyway, we saw that Emily left you, right?

You must be crushed.

- I heard a joke earlier.

- Point is, we're here for you, right?

We're family.

You know the expression, right?

You know, you can pick your friends,

but family is something that is around you,

surrounds you, penetrates you.

- I don't know that that's how it goes.

- What we're saying is, Emily left.

She doesn't love you.

We're here because we...

We...

We love you.

And we want to talk about family.

So let's take a walk.

Now.

- Baby, I'm sorry, I take back everything I said.

These are horrible, horrible people and-

- Shit!

- Hop to it.

- You hop to it. Why do I always have to hop to it?

- Because you're the oldest.

- We're twins.

- You came out first.

- You cheat.

Fine, fine.

You know what they say?

If you want something done, it's go time.

- Jesus!

- Fuck you, stupid.

- What the hell?

- Hey.

What the hell's going on here?

- Yes, what are you doing?

Don't answer, it's rhetorical. - Jesus, Mia.

- Put the bag down.

- What bag?

- Put it down.

Getting a little greedy, I see.

Honestly, the things some people do for money these days.

- Oh my God, you guys are all so horrible.

Dad would be so disappointed, and Mom.

- Mom?

Mom was a drunk.

A boozy stinking lush who drank herself to an early grave.

Classic Daniel.

Can't see what's right in front of you.

- Well, I was four, I...

Dad-

- Dad?

Dad, the workaholic ghost who came around just long enough

to sweep his failures under the rug and cast us away

like the monsters we are?

No. - Whoa!

- Do you know what it's like to be sent away at a young age?

Spend your days in a wretched boarding school

with your idiot siblings?

- Hey!

- Fuck you.

- Okay.

So what's the plan here, Mia?

Huh?

You're gonna take all the family money

and you think that's gonna fix everything?

- The plan was to steal your money, Daniel.

You had it all.

You don't even see it.

It was the perfect plan.

Then you had to come around with your feelings and your love

and then you just won't fucking die!

Ow!

- Fucking coconut.

- I hope the irony isn't lost on you when you wake up.

- Hey!

Back off now.

You know, I thought we'd have a family bonfire this weekend,

so now's as good a time as ever.

- No! - No!

- Toss me the machete.

Ah, slide me the machete.

- You wouldn't.

- No!

Give it to him, give it.

- Let's talk.

- Yes, let's.

- Okay.

- Let's talk over dinner.

All right, everybody good?

Good.

That should do it.

- Do you really think this is necessary?

- That's for the cops to figure out.

- Daniel, I was your father's most trusted advisor.

Daniel, he was my best friend.

What would he say?

- You know, I don't know anymore, Lawrence.

The father that I knew wouldn't have thrown me

to the fucking wolves back here.

- Is that really what you think?

- Yeah.

- Well, it's not true.

Your father just wanted you to see your family

for who they really are.

Everything he did was just done to look out for you.

Why do you think you were the one to stay home?

Only you?

- I thought he wanted to protect me,

which is more than what you've done.

- Well, I sure as hell didn't try to kill you

like those monsters in there.

- All right, that's it.

There we go.

Carter.

What the hell is this?

Is there just money lying around everywhere?

- I actually found that in a clock.

- A clock?

- Yeah, yeah, in the study.

That wasn't even all of it.

There's more.

- Daniel.

Daniel.

- Shut up!

Get outta here. - Okay.

- Daniel.

The money was in the clock.

- Wow.

Took a heck of a lot of work,

but I finally got you all to sit down for a family dinner.

Ah!

I forgot the most important part.

Can't have dinner without food.

Enjoy.

- Oh my God, that smells like shit.

What's going on?

What's happening?

- Daniel's lost it.

- He's trying to kill us with your awful meal.

- What do you mean awful meal?

Do you know how long that took me to make for you?

- Enough!

Let's see what we have here.

Oh, shit.

You know, before I got here,

I told Emily to try to find the good in all of you.

I said, it's gotta be there.

After all, we're family, right?

We share the same blood, right?

- Yep.

- And I'm not a bad guy.

So that must mean that there's some good

in all of you, right?

- You are so right.

- So incredibly right.

- We're so alike.

- In so many ways.

- Like in each and every way.

- Yeah.

- But you tried to kill me.

- What? - What?

I didn't...

- So doesn't that mean that I have it in me to kill you?

- Okay, well, we're not alike in every way.

- Yeah, like only a few ways.

- Ah.

- You know, it's funny.

I think Dad actually told me that Mom had an affair.

- Oh, shit, there you go.

We're not even related, dude.

- I guess we should find out.

- How's he gonna do that?

It's like a DNA test or something?

- Shut up.

- Come on, Daniel, pick up, pick up.

Oh my God, I told you their asses crazy and no.

It's okay, I'm coming, I'm coming.

I'm coming, baby, I'm coming.

- So clearly you don't give a damn about me.

And I know you don't give a damn about each other.

But I think I do know what you care about.

That's the cash.

- What?

- You monster!

- You're so stupid.

- No.

- Oh, I'm sure you want to know what Dad left you, right?

- Yes.

- I mean, outside of the stock options

and cash and mountain properties,

the possibilities are endless.

And now they're gone.

- No! - No!

- I can't watch.

- And this is all that's left for you.

But before we get into this, let me ask.

Who here hasn't tried to kill me tonight?

No one?

- Well, to be fair, I got someone to try and kill you

because I couldn't actually do it myself.

- Well, thank you, Jessica.

That's worth a few bills.

- Such a kiss ass.

- Fuck off. - Hey, fuck you.

- Victor.

- Yes, brother?

- Eat your dinner.

- Come on, you're not serious.

Okay, wait, wait, wait, no!

No.

- Eat.

- I would, if I had hands and utensils.

- Oh, don't worry, I'll help you.

- I can't. - There you go.

- I can't.

- Okay.

- Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.

Fine.

I'll eat it.

- Yeah.

Oh yeah, there you go.

Tell me it's good.

- So good.

- Serves you right.

- Jessica.

- Hm?

- Jessica, you're next.

- What?

No, no, no, no, no.

Daniel, you can't do this, okay?

This isn't fair.

They're the real killers.

- Not fair?

I'm sorry, did you just say this is not fair?

- No.

- No, it's not fair, or no, you didn't say it?

- What?

- Leave her alone.

She's never been good at word problems.

- Leave her alone?

Why should I leave any of you alone?

- Hey, dude.

- You tried to murder me! - Come on!

- That is super dangerous.

- All I wanted was a family.

I just wanted to bring my family together.

But could you give me that?

No.

And why, why me?

What the hell to did I ever do to any of you?

Nothing.

I never saw you guys.

And this is how you treat me?

And worst of all,

you put the woman that I love the most in life in danger.

- Did I tell you how much I like her, by the way?

- Yeah, she is one of the good ones, man.

Jessica and were talking the other day, like she's a keeper.

- She's incredible.

- One of the good ones.

- That's so sweet, thank you very much.

Fuck you.

- No, no, no!

- Give me one good reason

I shouldn't pour this whole thing in right now.

- Sure.

I...

Love you.

- Oh, that's a terrible reason.

- Okay, okay, fine, fine, fine, fine.

I fucking hate you.

- That's better.

- Well, I love you, Daniel.

I love you.

- Oh, that is rich.

- Oh, shut up, Mia!

- This is your fault.

- Fuck off! - Fuck you.

- You guys can't even last two minutes, can you?

And Dad, Dad was right, and he warned me about this.

But I don't think that he knew

how terrible you all actually were.

So I'm gonna do exactly what he told me to do.

- What did he tell you to do? What are you doing?

- No, no, no, no, no.

- Don't do it.

- I'm gonna leave you.

- Hm.

- Daniel?

- So here you go.

You wanted it, you take it.

Because nothing I could do to you is as bad

as what you're about to do to yourselves.

Enjoy.

- You did this.

- Shut the fuck up.

- Daniel?

- Baby.

- What the?

- Don't worry about him. - Babe, are you okay?

- I'm okay.

- Is everything okay? - Yes.

- You weren't answering your phone, what is going on?

- Everything is okay.

Let's go home.

- Where's your family?

- Emily?

- We'd love to see you.

In the dining room.

- No, no, no, babe, I...

- Hey.

- H.

- Welcome back.

- Yeah, let's go.

- Oh, you suck as much as Daniel.

- Have fun with your loser boyfriend!

- You both suck!

- Oh, she's so gross.

- You were my father's best friend too.

He told me that.

Even though you're kind of an asshole.

- I'm not kind of an asshole, I am an asshole.

Also I'm just having a really, really shitty day.

- Lawrence!

Lawrence!

- So we're keeping that money, right?

- It's ours now.

They can tear themselves apart for the rest.

Hey.

- Hey.

- You're enough.

You've always been enough.

And I'm so sorry it took all this crazy shit

for me to figure that out.

- I get it.

Always see the good in people.

- Yeah.

- Don't ever try that shit again.

- Never.

- Good.

- Hey, so are you gonna call the cops?

- Give 'em some time in there.

Let 'em finish out the weekend.

It's what Dad would've wanted.

- Man, this weekend has been fucked.

- Hey.

Here.

- What is this for?

- Consider it your severance pay,

'cause I'm pretty sure you're fired.

- What?

Thanks.

- What's that?

- This is a letter from my dad.

- Oh.

- Daniel.

If you're reading this letter, congratulations,

you survived the weekend and are now a very rich man.

But you don't need my money to be rich.

You could lose every cent

and still be the richest man there.

There's more to who you are and who loves you

than your name or your blood.

Blood is thicker than water, but so is a pile of shit,

and I don't see you inviting that to your wedding.

Think about it.

Enjoy the money.

Consider it a wedding gift.

I'm sorry I won't be there to see you start your new life,

but I don't need to see it to know it will be great.

Dad.

PS, don't worry about getting more than them.

I'm leaving them the beach house.

- Stop touching my money, get me the fuck outta here!

- Here you go, Your Highness.

Shit.

- It's all your fault, you fucking idiots!

- Whoa.

You okay?

- I've had better days.

Oh, no thanks.

You keep it.

You deserve it.

You're a good kid.

- Maybe I did need this weekend.

- You needed your family to try to kill you?

- No, not that part.

But to get my priorities straight.

- You weren't actually gonna hurt them, were you?

- God, no, what kind of person do you think I am?

- Bags of money, bags of money.

Bags of money.

- Oh, oh, oh, we rich, we rich, we rich.

We that, we that rich bitch.