Original subtitles

[yelling]

♪ I got ya with my winning smile ♪

♪ I'm a living lesson in flair and style ♪

♪ You just can't help but stare at my savoir-faire ♪

♪ I'm Nouveau, Deco, Roman-Greco ♪

♪ Rococo, Barroco ♪

♪ Be-bop, hip-hop, flip-flop ♪

Somebody stop me!

♪ Pretty viridian faces like mine ♪

Don't come a dime a dozen, I stand out of the crowd!

♪ Babe when they made me Yeah they broke the mold! ♪

Wholesome and kind, staid and refined, totally out of my mind!

♪ Arch-villains and ne'er-do-wells ♪

♪ Had better learn to decorate prison cells ♪

Green goes with anything if they ask, see?

♪ Well, there's one last thing I gotta sing about ♪

Open up wide and really shout!

Whoa, look out!

♪ This is the Mask! ♪♪

Smokin'!

Come on down to Maniacal Mike's Electronic Tele-Village.

We're going totally out of control.

Coming this fall, he's a new breed of supervillain.

He's Channel Surfer!

[screaming]

You're the wacko who's been ripping off electronics all over town.

You're totally out of control.

Wrong. I'm in control, remote control.

Here, have a little dose of cathode ray.

[blows] And now to continue my little shopping spree.

Make no payments until June of next year.

A match made in heaven.

His prices are out of control.

And my... I mean, Stanley's

credit card is burning a hole in my pocket.

Now then automatic can opener,

nose hair-a-matic, combination virtual reality headgear and salon dryer.

Battery-operated battery operator. Gotta have two of those.

It's one stop electronic shopping, but wait,

there's more.

He messed with my merchandise.

Big mistake.

Yo, gnarly radio waves today. You wanna hang ten, bro?

Now that I've seen your fall preview,

how's about giving me my stuff back?

[groans]

I'm taking that as a no.

Clever of you to land in those vacuum cleaners.

How did you know this was sweeps week?

This sucks in new and interesting ways.

Ha! It'll take more than a household appliance to outsmart me.

[coughing]

Now let me see. I get three wishes.

First, I want David Hasselhoff's job.

I'll be back.

Second wish, a decent glass of chocolate milk

without all that powdery stuff floating on the top.

But first, time to short circuit Mr. 12-Inch Diagonal here.

Let me see. AC, DC, Lucy, one fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish.

Aha! Here's your problem.

Looks like we're all out of time, but tune in tomorrow when I return

for the same... [power wanes]

Is that what they mean by must flee TV?

That confounded Mask. You try rubbing him out, scrubbing him out,

but he won't go away like ring around the collar.

No matter. Nothing must interrupt my regularly scheduled plan

to make Edge City pay.

Pointy Peaks, my new very favorite show.

They got it canceled with their letter writing campaign.

It's their fault I'm in this condition...

I was once Raymond Nielsen, couch potato extraordinaire.

Until that fateful day...

Pointy Peaksoff the air.

No! It can't be. [sobbing]

It's gotta be. It's gotta be!

[screams]

From that day forward,

I would be known as Channel Surfer.

When I'm through, Edge City will have no choice

but to watch what I want to watch.

Then they'll know the meaning of quality programming.

But first, a word from our sponsor.

The makers of Mask Be Gone.

"The Ooh-La-La Channel." I don't think so.

"The 24-Hour Emergency Broadcast System Network Police.

Polka Hits Central." Come on!

Who ordered all these premium channels and pay-per-view movies anyway?

As if I didn't know. Now that they're paid for.

What do you say, Milo? You wanna watch some tube?

Live from Long Beach Island, let's get ready to putt!

It's world championship miniature golf!

We interrupt this program for a special announcement

for the Mask.

Now where have I seen this guy before?

Oh, no.

I know you're out there, my green-faced friend.

And I'm inviting you to join me

for a very special episode of revenge.

Not today, pal.

You've got exactly five minutes before I declare this a forfeit.

And everybody in Edge City pays.

But don't just take my word for it.

Each and every one helpless,

useless and more will follow.

I don't wanna do this.

I don't have any choice.

Hey, now! 200 channels of pure mindless entertainment

and they're all mine.

Still hedging, Mask? What if we throw in at no additional cost

an entire post office full of zombies?

Right. Like anyone could tell the difference.

Time's running out, Mask.

The fate of the city is in your hands.

[rings]

[spits] That maniac!

He's preempting a rampaging reptile movie marathon.

It's time someone learned a lesson about being a good neighbor.

All right, you little reptile ruiner.

Now I'm getting a little bent out of shape.

[Surfer] Right you are!

In this world, I control the vertical.

I control the horizontal.

Oh, my God. I'm changing the face of television.

Not only that, you fell right for my trap.

Nice little setup you've got here.

Nobody munches on my pork rinds and survives.

[tapping on glass]

So we can slide on the pork rinds.

Just let me out of here.

Sorry, but your series has just been renewed

for the rest of your life.

I got news for you, pal.

I'm not ready for prime time.

Nonsense, you're a natural.

[Milo growls]

Why, I'm willing to bet you'd be versatile in any type of program.

The hits of the '70s will never die

onDisco Zombie Fever.

- [screams] - [clicks]

Here we see the Madagascar thorn spider

inching up on its prey.

Help me! Help me!

[yawns] Nature programs are such a bore.

How about something wholesome for the kiddies?

♪ We're the fuzzy bears ♪

♪ Won't you come out and play? ♪

♪ Here in Rainbow Lollipop Land ♪

♪ We're so delicious ♪♪

No!

That's right, Mask. We're sending you on an all-expense paid trip

to Rainbow Lollipop Land for eternity.

And your TV is just the start.

All of Edge City will be under my command

by 8:00 tonight, 7:00 Central.

♪ We'll have yum-yum drops all morning ♪

♪ When she comes ♪

♪ We'll have yum-yum drops all morning ♪

♪ When she comes ♪

[screaming]

[singing continuing]

♪ Won't you say you love me too? ♪

[whirring]

[panting] Can't hold out much longer.

Must change shows.

Change shows.

Come on, kids, hop till you drop.

[laughs]

- No! Anything but this. - [whimpers]

You've been here for over 30 years.

You built a nuclear reactor on coconuts.

For pity's sake, man, fix the hole in the boat!

Milo, get me out of here!

Or at least put on the Ooh-La-La Channel.

Milo.

No more television for you.

[man] Call this number.

It's your key to psychic fulfillment.

[laughs] Didn't see that coming, did you, my little psychic friend?

I'd like to solve the puzzle.

I love my Magic Tinkle Baby.

Do you mind, sister?

How about a little privacy here?

Or at least a magazine.

Yes! I am good.

Stanley. Hello.

Oh, my gosh. Stanley, can you hear me?

Are you all right?

Change channels.

There. That's much better.

Sure, if you like hanging out in bars.

So what happened here?

Not much.

That Channel Surfer bozo hermetically sealed me inside the boob tube.

Now let me see, I've been a guest star on 36 different shows

and I still don't have my actors union card.

We gotta get you out of there.

Hmm. Maybe if I turn the set off.

[screams]

Don't ever do that again.

Have you tried taking the Mask off?

Take off my face? No, wouldn't work.

Well, it's worth a try, Mr. Glass Is Half Empty.

Or are you afraid to take the Mask off?

I can take if off any time I wanna.

I just don't wanna, that's all.

OK, fine, have a nice life.

Pat-a-cake, pat-a-cake, baker's man,

bake me a cake as fast as you...

Pat this, you Jurassic jerk.

Take off the Mask, take off the Mask!

Come on, you stupid little... [screams]

Oh, great. Could it get any worse than this?

Peggy! Change the channel!

[grunting]

Somehow these cartoons aren't as funny from the inside.

It's finished!

200,000 watts of high definition

surround sound power.

Once I flick this remote,

all of Edge City know the meaning of Must Watch TV.

Not so fast. I don't know what you and the Mask are up to,

but it ends here.

Wow. A Technitron 2000 universal remote.

Can I take a whack at it?

- Doyle. - What?

Don't touch that dial.

Just to show you there's no hard feelings,

please be my guests.

And now live from beautiful downtown Edge City,

it's time for everyone to tune in.

Peggy, hurry up, please! I'm about to become the soupdu jour.

Thanks. That was close.

Hey, maybe if I click you into a live news broadcast,

you'll appear in a real place.

Gee, I don't know, Peggy.

This is Fox Blitzen reporting live

from the Siberuslav Civil War.

[shivering] You know what helps

if you put me somewhere in the right hemisphere, Peggy.

[laughs] Sorry. I'll try the local news.

[woman] We're coming live from downtown,

where a mysterious construction by a man calling himself Channel Surfer

has the entire city baffled.

Hey, it's working.

Now to fire up the satellite downlink.

Peggy, what's going on?

Quit kidding around.

It's not me. Channel Surfer must have knocked out the cable.

Unless I can keep you on the air,

you may be lost in the airwaves forever.

Everyone in Edge City will now watch what I want to watch.

Now this is programming with an impact.

Come on, Peggy. You gotta do something quick.

It's no use!

[grunts]

We may have one more chance.

Here, Milo, take this downtown to Stanley.

Fast. Good dog.

[laughs] Brace yourselves, fluff lovers.

You ain't seen nothing yet.

It's time for all of us to watch the Pointy Peaks season finale.

[singing]

[screaming]

Almost there, Stanley.

Milo, good boy. Give me the Mask, buddy.

Come on, Milo. Give me the Mask.

I'm back live and in living color.

And this clown has got to go.

Eenie meanie minie, Larry, Curly, Moe!

This concludes our programming for this day.

♪ O say, can you see? ♪

You again.

If there's one thing I hate, it's reruns.

Sorry, can't see you. Sun's a killer today, huh?

[screams]

If you want me, you poor excuse for a test pattern,

you're going to have to come and get me.

Gotcha! Why so glum, you little soldier?

Put on a happy face.

Smokin'!

Can John Stamos do this?

Too bad, Mask, I'm afraid I'm going to have to disconnect your service.

Whoops.

Hmm...

Some errands should not be saved for a rainy day.

Say, you're running up a heck of a bill here.

Have you considered gas? I have. [Belches]

My my my. How do you like the show so far?

Can I get you something? A soda? Pretzels? A personality?

Take your coat, your hat, your clothes?

Gotta go, bye-bye.

Come on out and face me, you big surge protector.

What are you, a chicken?

If you say so...

Ooh, nice pecs. Do you work out?

[roars]

That's right, bro. We're gonna fix you up proper, chicken.

I guarantee.

There you all are. Black-eyed chicken.

Mmmm-mmmm!

I'm not off the air yet.

I still have my secret weapon.

Good Lord, not the octopus!

Didn't you ever see that safety film strip in grade school, young fella?

If Edge City won't watch what I watch.

Then no one watches anything.

When I connect this last plug, the entire city will erupt

like a dried out Christmas tree.

So do you have any last wishes?

Wishes?

Yes, I do have a last wish.

I wish that you would get

a really annoying tickly itch in the middle of your back,

between your shoulder blades where you can't quite reach it.

No, wait, that's not it. Not that wish.

Too late.

Oh, curse this blasted itch!

Now prepare to go where no man has gone before.

Please not in his underwear and slippers with a TV for a head.

I will return same time, same channel.

[laughs]

Can I wish 'em or what?

I knew you were hip deep in this television nonsense.

Me? Television?

Why, Lieutenant, the only thing

I've been doing tonight are your selected shorts.

Besides, I've sworn off TV for good.

No more, never, finished, done. Absolutely zippo, nada.

Oh, my gosh, it's time for Sea Turtle Wrestling Mania.

Come on, one of these things has gotta work.

I don't wanna miss one second.

Ooh, I love television!

Yoo-hoo, Mr. Mask.

This is why I love summer repeats.

[theme music playing]