Original subtitles

You'd think they'd get the hint by now.

Two years we've been comin' there,

we browse for 20 minutes and buy a pack of gum.

Does it ever bother you?

What?

What? This. Theft.

This isn't theft.

Stealing a buick is theft.

A bag of chips and a six-pack

does not constitute theft.

I just don't like havin' to shoplift

for my dinner six nights a week.

Well, deal it with it, dustin we steal.

It's one of the perks of poverty.

Great, here we are again.

Do you think you might actually get a front door

to your apartment, dustin? Just a suggestion.

I mean, I'm not complaining.

It's just that I hate doing scenes from the great escape

every time we gotta go out.

When you were a kid

did you ever stick things up your nose?

What?

I seem to remember a time when I was six years old

and we went on a picnic,

and I took this pretzel and shoved it up my nose.

I can relate to that.

And then there was this time, my mom was sewin',

and I went up to this tray of buttons

and took hold of a really nice-sized one...

Shoved it up my left nostril.

I had the dog from monopoly lodged so far up my nose

my mom had to get it out with a tweezers.

I ate paste. I ate sand.

Bernie lazarus ate 57 pixie sticks

and had to go to the hospital.

Dustin-- don't we know any women?

That's it. Okay, what now?

I'm serious this time-- I can't take it anymore.

What?

You know what--this. I can't live like this.

I gotta start showing some responsibility.

This is weird. I almost bought you some responsibility!

The darn stuff just costs too much.

Look at me, buzz, look!

I'm 27 today.

27, almost 30. I'm an adult now.

No! Yes!

You know, when I was 25,

I could screw off and get away with it.

26 was easy, i practically slept through the whole year.

But 27... I'm in no-man's land.

Age purgatory.

27-year-olds should have lives, careers.

Porsches.

What do you want, a job? I told you about a great job.

But no, you're not interested,

you're above such petty occupational distractions.

That is not a real job.

Then tell me what is a real job?

Paintings, buzz, I'm an artist.

I should be selling my goddamn work!

And I should be trapped in an elevator with miss december.

These things don't happen in real life, dustin.

These are the celestial cockteasers of your imagination.

What's goin' on over there?

Don't look it's a surprise.

I just had this baby flown in special from the hostess factory.

Ta-da!

I'd sing, but I don't wanna depress you further

on this oh-so-special day.

You shouldn't have.

Well, gee, don't get all sentimental on me.

Make a wish.

Well?

Well, what?

Well, what about your wish?

I don't know, I guess she couldn't come.

Dustin.

Dustin!

Elvis!

My god, it's great!

Straight from memphis,

signed by the king himself. See?

Can you just picture this with my black light?

You're a true connoisseur, buzz.

You okay?

It's this fucking fresh sea air.

Listen, there's this gallery up here I wanna check out.

You interested?

Borrring!

Okay, I'll catch you back here in a while.

Have fun.

That was a great look!

What?

The look you just gave that girl,

great. Very clark gable to jean harlow,

red dust, 1933, thank you.

Ha ha. Uh, right, yeah.

My name is bruce, I run this place.

Dustin. Listen, I'm kind of

following the elusive girl à la james mason,

humbert humbert.

Relentlessly pursuing lolita, right?

1962, thank you. I was three.

Do you know that girl who was just here?

I've seen her around.

Yeah? Yeah.

She comes here every time I put up a new show.

Never at the openings,

always waits until it's less crowded.

She's mysterious. She's elusive. Hee hee!

Marlenedietrich desire.

1936, thank you.

Well, I'd love to stay and chat

but you must go. Am I right?

I'm right?

Just like ilsa.

Had to catch that plane, leaving rick to tend his wounds.

I try bogart once in a while.

Casablanca. 1942, thank you.

Excuse me.

Do you know where rose is?

Rose. Rose street.

Yeah, rose.

It's, uh...

It's that way.

Thanks.

Hey, wait!

I'm goin' that way too.

I saw you before.

At the gallery, right?

Oh, yeah, the gallery. You were there?

Yeah.

And I noticed you looked really bored.

I wouldn't say bored.

I was bored.

Definitely. It was a boring show, right?

No. Actually, I think his work is rather brilliant.

You know, it is.

It's very brilliant, definitely.

Sometimes.

Where are you going?

I don't know.

At this point I think maybe I'd be best off

just crawlin' into a hole

and listening to, uh...

Tibetan chamber music or something.

I love tibetan chamber music.

All right, that's it. You're under arrest.

No, I'm serious, you're under arrest.

C'mon, we're goin' downtown.

You don't believe me? You don't think I'm a cop?

You think I'm a surfer, right?

You're an artist.

What makes you say a ridiculous thing like that?

I saw your hands.

Damn!

See, that's what blew my cover.

So, what do you paint?

Uh, kitchens,

till I sell some of my work.

No, no, no. Seriously.

I don't know, it's hard to describe.

My friend calls it

"edward hopper meets the sex pistols."

Sounds pretty twisted.

You should meet my friend.

Is he a cop, too?

I'm not a cop.

I'm an artist, remember?

Oh. Yeah.

I'm dustin.

Christiane.

So, what do you do?

Anything. Anything I want.

Yeah

hey, here's my car.

Hmm. Nice.

It's functional.

I thought you said you were going to rose street.

No, no, this is my car.

Oh, damn.

What?

I locked my keys inside.

I always do this.

You have triple a?

No, uh...

I have a set of keys in my apartment...

I guess...

I can give you a lift.

Could you?

It's no problem.

I mean, my car's not exactlya porsche,

but it does the trick.

C'mon, I'm parked back this way.

Then why were you going this way?

You caught me.

Hey, at least I'm comin' clean.

You knew damn well which way rose street was.

So?

So why'd you ask?

'Cause you're very cute.

Dustin: Come on, baby. Come on.

Uh, you know the words to "old mcdonald"?

It's a temperamental car,

but it loves to hear "old mcdonald."

You know, um...

♪ old mcdonald had a farm

♪ ee-i-ee-i-oh

♪ and on this farm he had a dog ♪

♪ ee-i-ee-i-oh

♪ with a ruff-ruff here

♪ and a ruff-ruff there

♪ here a ruff, there a ruff

♪ everywhere a ruff-ruff

♪ old mcdonald had a farm

♪ ee-i-ee-i-oh

♪ and on this farm he had a goat ♪

♪- ee-i... ♪- with a...

ha ha ha! Try it now.

Christiane: Ha ha ha ha!

Okay, okay,

who am I?

I have no idea.

Ha ha ha!

I'm a model for a picasso painting.

Ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha!

Hey.

What?

What's wrong?

Nothing.

What are you thinking?

Nothing.

Liar.

What happened here?

It's a beauty mark.

Did it hurt?

I like you.

Good.

I've never known so little about someone

and liked them so much.

Maybe you like me so much because you know so little.

Look at what you did.

Just look at this.

This is my fucking house, remember?!

Where have you been?

What have you been doing?

Something tells me you already know.

Call me psychic.

Yeah, but I want to hear you tell me.

I want to hear it in your own words.

I was with another guy, clayton.

We ate dinner, I slept with him,

we had a great time.

Had I known I was on candid camera,

you make me sick.

Go ahead! Throw up!

It wouldn't make any difference.

This is not a joke, girl!

This is my house.

My...

Oh, look...

I bought you this, remember?

And that...

Remember that?

Remember when I bought you that?

And that, too.

You remember that?

I remember you used to buy me things

because you liked me.

Don't try to turn the tables here.

You don't own me, clayton!

I gave you everything you own!

And I haven't given?!

I haven't sat here and just waited for you?!

I haven't been there for you?

I haven't lied for you?

That's not the point!

I haven't given?!

The point is, I found you.

You were a runaway.

You had nothing. I gave you everything.

Enough, clayton, I know.

No, you don't know.

You don't respect these things.

You abuse these things.

Let's face it,

I've kept you on a very long leash.

Fuck you.

Without my help, what are you gonna do, huh?

Where are you gonna go?

You got nowhere to go!

Sure, leave.

Just walk on out of here.

Have fun! Bye!

You'll come back!!!

You always do.

I saw a rat the size of a schnauzer

in front of my apartment last night.

Dustin: Unbelievable.

You're tellin' me.

I saw one last week, it looked like a collie.

Like lassie the rat.

Not that, this.

For the past eight months I've been looking for a girl,

and nothing, nada, zero. Then yesterday

you had shirley.

Shirley thought robinson crusoe

was a character on lost in space.

And I loved that about her.

You're drinking too much.

Thanks, mom.

I'm fine.

Don't call me if you wind up

making love to your toilet all night,

'cause I'm not coming.

I'm fine.

Cindy! Another round.

Did I tell you she said I was cute?

About a gajillion times.

Unbelievable.

You know what's unbelievable, dustin?

That you were having sublime sex last night

while I was home watching reruns of flipper

on a six-inch black and white tv.

It was more than great sex, it was

if you say "special" I am gonna puke up four beers,

a shot of scotch, a shot of bourbon,

and half a salami and cheese sandwich.

It's not gonna be pleasant.

You're a fucking cynic.

You were too until you became a sap.

Where are you gonna take her on a date?

The two-for-one fajita special at taco bell?

Doesn't matter. It will. Trust me.

You haven't had a significant relationship

since the 7th grade. I'm picky.

Yeah, you dated shirley after I did.

You'd give anything to have the experience I just had.

Hi, buzz.

Hello. Thank you.

Thanks.

A toast.

To the most beautiful girl in the world.

Maria. I'll never stop saying "maria."

And another toast to my newfound luck.

You got picked up by a curvaceous female in a porsche,

you had sublime, meaningful, special sex,

so what?

And two of my paintings are being shown next week.

There'll probably be an earthquake tomorrow

and we'll all die.

No art opening, no girl.

You're a lot like the easter bunny, buzz,

just hopping along, spreading joy wherever you go.

I guess I should just run around

thanking my lucky stars

for the great things I've got going for me.

Things will work out for you.

Yeah

you're makin' a living.

Barely. In case you're keeping score,

writing for screw magazine isn't exactly the same thing

as writing the great american novel.

No, but writing for screw magazine pays the rent.

Priorities are priorities.

I'm 26 years old.

I lie to my mother about my job.

I tell her I write for vanity fair

under a pseudonym.

It's what keeps her alive, you know.

You're really norman mailer.

Right. Someday.

C'mon, man. You've had too much to drink.

That guy's staring at me again.

So?

He's always in here. Even more than you.

He's always starin' at me.

You probably owe him money.

So, you really like this girl?

More than I can possibly lead you to believe.

And you really have a date with her tomorrow?

Tomorrow at four.

Fucking son of a bitch.

Hey, it's five to four and life is a bore-...

♪ old mcdonald had a farm

♪ ee-i-ee-i-oh

♪ and on this farm he had a cow ♪

♪ ee-i-ee-i-oh

♪ with a moo-moo here and a moo-moo there ♪

♪ here a moo...

come on, baby, please! Don't do this to me!

Just this once, please!

Oh, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit!

It's 5:35 and here's an update...

Ohh! For christ's...

hey, c'mon, man, I've been here like 12 seconds!

Ohh, thank you.

Fourteen bucks?!

Woman: What the hell are ya doin' there?!

Whaddya doin' there?!

I'm looking for my friend.

Not there, you're not. That's a model apartment.

You got an appointment?

You don't understand. My friend lives here.

Friend, my tuchus.

That is a model apartment.

Nobody ever lived there.

Unless you're the sleazebag who keeps breakin' in there,

I'd advise you to get out!

This is apartment 8.

Get out of here or I'm callin' the cops.

Cops! You don't understand.

Christiane, she used to live here. Two days ago?

Look, sweetie,

I don't know what kind of a sicko rape artist you are,

but I ain't havin' none of it in my building.

Holy shit, I don't even know her phone number.

I'm warnin' you!

I don't know her last name, I don't know anything about her!

Rape!!!

Smile!

Okay, kids, that's enough, get back to work.

Now, remember... sell, sell, sell.

Ralphie, hey!

Dustin, dustin, now, listen--

oh, c'mon, can I get a smile out of you?

You look like hell.

Get out there and work the room,

shake us some tush! Sell a little!

I've been meaning to ask you,

can we get a little more light on my work?

See the shadow over there?

Lemme tell you something, dusty.

Your art needs a few things, light ain't it.

Now, I let you into this show

because I think you have potential.

But babe, you got to learn to sell yourself, huh?

Comb your hair, kiddo.

There's a film producer right over there

whose money has a mind of its own.

It virtually leaps out of his wallet.

Go get him!

He ain't gonna come to you, capice?

Yeah, fine, I'll sell.

But could I first get a little more light?

Where's peter sin?

Peter!

Let me get peter sin over here.

Now, he's a man who knows how to play the art game.

I mean, he's a genius.

He's pure genius.

Peter.

Dustin pennick, this is peter sin, my star.

Peter, meet dustin pennick. He's a coming attraction.

Hi. Hi.

So what do you think?

It's not bad.

I'm actually quite surprised.

See he knows!

He knows!

You know what's great about me?

Like, I always know when someone knows.

It's too complicated, though.

Too...

Too much going on.

Relax a little.

And where's the feeling?

Where's the...Passion?

Art must have a purpose,

and yours doesn't.

Do you follow me?

Yeah. Thanks.

But it's good.

I see where you're going.

Just keep working.

See you around.

Isn't he great?

Actually, I think he's kind of a dick.

Well, yeah, I suppose he is,

but he can afford to be.

Maybe someday you can too, huh?

Jeffrey?

Jeffrey! I didn't know you were coming!

What do you think about my new braces, could you die?

Incredible.

Oh, absolutely.

I particularly like her use of purple and green.

And her ability to understate,

yet state enough.

Yes.

Her postmodern sense of metamorphoses

is nothing less than iconoclassicism

at its pinnacle.

And least we forget her nostalgic blend

of nordic renaissance and late mahogany

that sensitizes the romanistic style

with the carolingian flair for the preconceptual.

Ahem.

Pass the crackers and cheeze whip, man.

I'm starvin' over here.

How much are we bein' paid for this?

Fifty bucks, split two ways.

That's, uh... Shit.

Enough to pay for your phone bill, right?

It's a job, dustin. Employment.

A reason to get up in the morning,

a means by which you can satiate

your unquenchable desire to accomplish something.

Ahem.

Hi, honey.

You've reached jimmy c's

cavern of carnal cravings telephone fantasy.

I'm coco, your operator.

I hope I can assist you.

Oh, sure!

We have dominants, submissives, sadists, masochists,

my personal favorite-- leather, kinky--

I'll take kinky.

You'll take kinky? Oh, sure, honey.

Honey, I don't care if you suck off a dog.

I'll connect you with bodacious brad. Hold on.

Have a credit card ready.

Do you believe in love, buzz?

I believe in lust,

and lust pays fifty bucks a day.

Brad, call for you. Line three.

I was reading this article in time magazine the other day

that said that two out of three marriages

end in divorce in the first year.

They called us "the unromantic generation."

Romance interrupts my bouts of depression and suicide.

It's true, buzz,

people don't fall in love anymore.

They're too selfish.

All they want is money and cars and condos.

So what's wrong with a little 20th century greed?

Emerson, my boy self-reliance.

I want cash, you want cash.

Yeah, I guess so.

But I figure all the cars and condos

are bullshit if you don't have someone to share it with.

Pick curtain #3 where carol merrill is standing

and take the money.

Money can buy me love.

That's what the beatles said, right?

Your turn, romeo.

Jimmy c's palace of pleasure phone fantasy.

I'm maurice, your love slave operator

here to offer you infinite possibilities

in the wonderful world of sleaze.

We got sadists, masochists, leather, kinky...

What

hey, hey...

You know something?

I figure you're just the sick type...

♪ she's my girl

♪ and when I'm in her arms

♪ there's no other

♪ who can match her charms

♪ we can steal away

♪ to our own world

♪ I'm in heaven...

Dustin! Hi, bruce.

How are things going?

Fine.

Listen, I was wondering,

you know, I was here like a week or so ago

askin' about some girl?

The femme fatale?

You said you'd seen her around? Mm-hmm.

Well, where?

See, she lost something. I have it. I found it.

She owns it.

It's urgent that I find her.

Of course it is!

The lady vanishes all over again.

1938, thank you.

Exactly. She vanished, and I need to find her.

A mystery! Well...

What can I tell you about her?

Not much.

High society girl. 1956, thank you.

She travels with the jet set,

the melrose crowd.

Melrose?

The melrose crowd.

Melrose, great!

Oh, I appreciate it. She appreciates it.

The entire motion picture industry

appreciates it.

Well, if you need anything, just whistle.

You know how to whistle, don't you?

Put your lips together and blow.

Hi. I wonder if you could help me.

I'm looking for this girl, perhaps you've seen her.

She's about this tall

and has this wavy, kinda light brown hair

and these beautiful dark eyes.

Sometimes she wears sunglasses.

White linen shirt.

She's my cousin.

My sister. My wife.

And I think she mighta been by today.

So you haven't seen her?

Well, thanks anyway.

Why don't you try to narrow your vision a bit?

Like peter sin said, don't be so damned unfocused.

Cut to the center, the core, the essence...

I don't know what you want from me.

I tried to sell your art.

I stuck it on my wall for all the world to see.

I mean, what can I say? What can I do?

Tell me, dustin, what do you want?

One day it's porsches, the next day it's true love.

I am not ann landers over here, dustin.

What do you want?

You!

I want you!

Where are you?

Clayton: So we cut them off,

switch freight companies,

take our business somewhere else,

bam! Bam! Bam!

Frankly, it's the only way

I think I can ensure the safety of your crates.

Honey, you wanna pour some more wine?

Why, certainly.

So do we all agree on this,

honey, no, that's his water glass.

That's okay.

C'mon, chris, here. Give him another glass.

Man: It doesn't matter.

No, it does matter. It does.

Christiane?

Uh...so, do we all agree?

Can I count on your commitment?

I like it.

Let's let them sweat for a change,

hit 'em where it hurts.

Thank you.

Honey.

Honey, maybe we should start clearing.

So...

good.

As of monday, they're outta here. I like that.

Dessert!

What are you doing?

It was time for dessert.

Stop. Think about what you've just done.

I will smash your fucking head in.

You notice how you always run off

and then you come back to me?

Did you ever consider that someday

I might not want you anymore?

It's scary, isn't it?

It's a scary idea when you think about it.

I'm sorry, please excuse me.

She hasn't been feeling well.

Let's get back to business.

I don't know, buzz, it's a start.

What am I supposed to do?

Nobody reads the personals for screw magazine, buzz.

Come on, this is serious.

I'm going to find her.

You mean christiane?

Dustin: You know her?

Sure!

She got into, like, a huge fight here!

A fight?

It was gnarly!

One minute, everything was cool.

The next think you know, christiane had this guy

pinned to the floor and she was beating the shit out of him!

It was great!

We can't be talking about the same girl.

Excuse me brown hair

she is pretty wild, but the cops pulled her down,

four of them.

Wanna see my rat skull?

Do you know where I could find her?

Looking to score?

Beg your pardon?

Hash! Ooh!

She has some really great shit,

but, I don't know, I think she dumped that guy.

She probably doesn't deal much anymore.

I thought christiane was rich.

With what she charges for hash,

she probably is.

I just need to find her.

Right.

Right. We're all looking for something, aren't we?

No, I really need to find christiane.

I told you, I haven't seen her all week!

To tell you the honest truth,

the girl's a first class double a looney,

if you know what I mean.

I mean, she demands a raise,

and I say no,

so she breaks my fucking cash register.

So I say, "fine. Ten cents an hour more."

And she's a pussycat for the rest of the afternoon.

Next day, she comes in,

pours lime paint all over me trousers,

says, "fuck off," demands her last paycheck in quarters,

and splits, all right?

I thought you said you liked her.

I like her big enough, yeah.

Do you have any idea where she lives,

where she's from?

She lives out of suitcases, really.

But she's originally from down south somewhere,

because we was talkin' about mexico

and all them fan-fucking-fabulous bargains

you can get down there on booze and drugs and stuff,

and anyway, she says,

"I'm from a pissy little town just north of the border,"

and I says, "really?

I'm from a pissy little town, too." Leeds. Do you know it?

Two hours out of london

and you'd think you was in si-fucking-beria.

So where is this town?

Yes?

Oh.

I thought this was buzz's place.

It is.

Dustin! What great timing.

Sorry.

Don't worry about it.

Alison, this is dustin.

Hi. Hi.

Do you work at vanity fair also?

Dustin's the editor. Right?

Really? Yeah.

Editor in chief for vanity fair magazine.

You wanna come in, boss?

Sure, mr. Mailer, I'm virtually dying to.

The maid came by, huh?

Yeah. Yeah.

Alison here is an actress.

Dustin: Get out.

Uh, listen, buzz.

You remember that time you called me at 3 a.m.

And you were in jail...

jail?!

Yeah, for that cover story you wrote

on the secretary of state's involvement

with the communist dictatorship in guam?

The one I won the pulitzer prize for.

Exactly.

Now, I bailed you out in the name of journalism,

and I was wondering if you could repay the favor.

Buzz: Yeah?

I, uh, need your car.

At 2:30 in the morning?

I'm going to el cajon, wherever that is.

Some rich suburb where her parents live.

Oh, god. I'm gonna find her.

Who?

The girl I'm in love with.

That's so romantic!

I think the word is "cool." Cool.

Please?

What happened to your car?

My car can barely make it to the 7-11,

much less san diego.

We'll swap.

I sleep really well at night

knowing that my best friend has gone completely wacko.

I can't believe I'm doing this. Here.

Please, drive carefully.

Thanks, buzz.

Good luck, pal.

I hope you find what you're looking for.

And as for you...

Kid: Hi.

Hi.

What are you doing?

Me?

Well, I'm looking for a friend.

A friend of mine.

Is it a boy or a girl?

A girl.

Nope, haven't seen her.

My daddy says that I shouldn't talk to strangers.

And if one came up to me,

I should hit them right there.

Oh, no, no.

Don't do that. I'm a friend.

Of my daddy's?

No, not exactly.

What's your name?

Dustin.

Hello, friendly dustin.

I'm rebecca, queen of the ballerinas.

Hello, queen rebecca. Can you help me with something?

I'm looking for christiane. Does she live here?

She doesn't live here?

It's a secret.

Why are you looking for my sister?

No special reason, I just need to find her.

Are you her boyfriend?

No.

Do you wish you were her boyfriend?

I just want to find her, that's all.

What does "'bortion" mean? What?

'Bortion. I heard mommy and daddy fighting,

and daddy said that christiane got a 'bortion.

Are you sad?

No.

You look sad.

No, I'm not sad.

Good. When you find my sister chrissie,

could you say hi to her for me?

Do you think your sister will be home soon?

I told you, silly.

She ran away when I was a little, little girl,

just this big.

Answering machine: Hi, dustin, it's mom.

You haven't called me in a few days.

I've been anxious to hear about your art opening.

Are you rich and famous yet?

I'm sure it went just beautifully.

Of course, the real reason I'm calling

is to find out how it's going

with the girl you were telling me about...

♪ when I look into your eyes

♪ I want to take off your disguise ♪

♪ I know it's hard to be yourself ♪

♪ when you don't love me

♪ prestige for lies

♪ and synthesize

♪ the monster has too many eyes ♪

♪ what I have, you can get ♪

♪ but you don't need me

♪ so hi

♪ this is intended for you

♪ and why

♪ did you create this great mind screw ♪

♪ scared of the future...

Hey.

Hey, what are you doing?

Stop it, man.

Stop throwin' peanuts at me.

What the fuck are you doing?!

Sit down, dustin.

How'd you know my name?

I think we should talk, so you better sit down.

You see that peanut?

Well, actually, it's a cashew.

You see this cashew?

I'll bet you five bucks

from where I stand I can throw this cashew

20 feet into the air and catch it in my mouth.

Five bucks!

20 feet?

The ceiling's 8 feet in here, you can't do it.

I can't?

No, you can't.

Heh heh heh.

Five bucks says I can toss this peanut out the door,

bounce it onto the rtd #4 crosstown bus,

then it transfers to the rtd # 16,

comes back this direction,

bounces of the bus back into the bar,

hits the jukebox, selects a sheena easton tune,

and lands in my mouth.

Yeah.

Hey,

you know what your problem is, buster?

No, what's my problem?

Your problem is you don't believe.

If I believe that this peanut

can make three orbits around the earth

and make its way back into this glorious set of choppers,

then, damn it, it can.

What are you saying?

I figured it out.

It's all in your head.

You see, for my five bucks,

love is blind to the truth.

But so, then, is the truth blind to love.

You won't know if you really, really love her

until you find her.

I've been trying to find her!

You fucking deaf? I can't!

Not out there,

in here.

See, it's not a question of if we love,

it's the question of why.

And it's all right in here...

For the taking.

Who the fuck are you?

The ghost of christmas past.

The name's phil. I'm a plumber.

Yeah, look.

I got my little beeper for emergency calls.

Me and my magic wrench wreak havoc

on the corroded pipes

throughout this copper monolith that is l.a.

l.a. city... She wore her leather well.

Big, wide-faced girl she was...

Beautiful, I guess.

Here.

That's my card.

Good luck.

Wait!

It's time you found yourself a new woman.

Me?

Your right hand's about to file a palimony suit.

I met this girl at the checkout line of the kmart yesterday,

she was buying the national enquirer,

so I told her I saw jfk and elvis

at a dunkin' donuts in alhambra.

For ten minutes we stood in the parking lot discussing ufos.

Turns out that she's married.

Serves you right.

Fuck it, man! We need chicks.

Buzz, what is that?

I said "buzz." No, you whined.

What about our plan? Ah, the plan.

No more fucking whining, right? Right.

You said so yourself, today is the first day

of the rest of my life, I know.

You said so yourself. I know.

Which means? No more whining.

And? Optimistic outlook.

And? Lots of smiling and merriment.

Let's not be ballerinas about this.

And? I don't know.

And? What?!

No more endless quest for the perfect girl.

Right. No more perfect girl.

No more "only reason for living" shit.

I never said that.

No more... Christiane.

I told you, buzz...

She's out of my life.

Incredible.

Incredible.

I can't believe it's the same person!

Dustin, I'm impressed.

More than impressed. I'm really behind this.

I haven't felt this way in a long time.

You did all this in two months?

Well, this work is solid.

It's focused, it's moody,

it's very sellable, and I like it.

Don't even move.

Sit tight, hold the phone.

We'll start with an invitational

and we'll take it from there.

If all goes well, we'll go to new york,

that's where the big bucks are.

Are you excited? I'm excited.

Don't do a thing, dustin pennick,

you just wait till you hear from me.

And dustin,

this is really very good.

Yes! Yes!!!

A toast!

They loved you, man. They ate it up.

But enough about you.

I wrote a letter today

that I'm submitting to screw magazine.

You wanna hear it?!

Sure, I could use a little smut.

Oh, look! I just happen to have it with me.

You read it.

Okay.

"Dear screw,

"my name is dustin,

I'm an artist living in l.a."

Read, baby, read!

"I just wanted to tell you

"that me and my ten inches of manly lust muscle

"had a memorable escapade with a mystery girl recently

in the art gallery on the beach in venice."

You're not really gonna send this?

Federal express! Please go on.

"We poured paint over our naked bodies

"and made colorful love on a blank canvas.

Truly, this was a work of art."

Hey, hey!

That's some of my best writing, what are you doing?!

Dustin.

Dustin!

Come on, man, where you goin'?

Dustin, what are you doin'?

Dustin!

Please just get to the part

about the chinese food and the salami.

Fuck!

Jesus christ! What is your problem?

You just had a smash art opening.

Yeah, right, smash.

Oh, cut the humility, dustin,

it makes you seem like a real person.

Your show was a fuckin' smash!

All those people kissing your cheek

and giving you their business cards.

Where were those people two months ago, huh?

Spitting on you, that's where.

Yeah, I kinda like the attention.

It's more than the attention, man.

You finally got what you wanted.

Oh, fuck.

What? Holy shit.

Cathy just walked in. Who's cathy?

I asked her to meet me here later.

I didn't think she'd actually show.

Cathy: Hi, buzz!

Cathy, I'm really glad you could make it.

Oh, I wouldn't miss an opportunity to see you.

Cathy, this is my bestest buddy in the whole world.

Dustin pennick.

Oh, no, you're psychic.

Let's get a drink, let's sit down.

Thanks.

I'm sorry I missed your opening.

I had to work late.

Dustin's show was fucking great.

Yeah, that's what I hear.

Nah, it really sucks.

I paid him off to say that.

Yeah, I'm a slut for money.

Well, for anything, really.

I studied art in college for a while.

Really?

Yeah, I always dreamed about the bohemian lifestyle,

you know, the intense artist.

Yeah, I can relate to intensity.

When I am writing,

it's like I can't even deal with the outside world.

Let's get another round here.

Dustin: Buzz and I were just talking about literature

and we were trying to decide

who read the least number of assigned books in high school.

Cathy: I see.

So far, I'm in the lead,

having failed to read the odyssey, moby dick,

and the scarlet letter all in one semester.

Cathy can't relate to this, man, she's a scholar.

Ha ha ha! Are you kidding?

I was president of the cliff notes club!

No! Oh, yeah!

You know, I read just the back cover

of great expectations, did a report,

and I got an a-minus.

My teacher, mrs. Spiegler, she swore that she caught me

plagiarizing from the encyclopedia

did you guys ever have to read gilgamesh?

And when she was proven wrong,

she had to apologize to the entire school.

And of course, you did plagiarize.

Oh, word for word!

Encyclopedia britannica, "the essence of greek myth."

Are you still in love with her?

No.

Ha ha ha!

Well, you must be to have painted her that way.

Dustin, unbelievable news!

Paul, how's it goin'?

Lemme speak.

I just got off the phone with my dear friend luis,

back east...

Guess what?

Guess.

He loved the slides we sent him, we got the show!

You're kidding!

Nope. I lied many times, but not about this.

New york, kid. We leave friday.

Fuck!

Buzz, what's up, man?

You're late.

Yeah, a little bit. So?

So you're late.

I didn't mean to interrupt your busy schedule.

Since when have you played pool?

Since now.

Well, you stink.

Fuck you.You try it.

Gimme a shot.

You wanna wait your turn?

Chill out, man. What's your prob'?

Lemme get you a beer.

Oh, come on! Fuck!

That your new suit?

Your manhattan rags?

Yeah. Like it?

Makes you look like a faggot.

Like your faggot friend, paul.

You're being a complete asshole.

So how's cathy?

She's fine, I guess.

Yeah?

Yeah. She's great.

We had lots of fun.

Did you fuck her?

What?

I want to know, did you fuck her?

What do you think?

I think probably you did.

Well, congratulations. You win a car.

So...

I guess you're a real hot dude now, huh?

Art stud and all that.

I guess you can get any girl you want now.

Hey, buzz, this jealousy thing doesn't suit you.

It's funny, though.

I seem to remember a time

straining my alcoholic memory as I sometimes do

when dustin actually came to me for help.

Do you believe it? He actually came to me

for advice on how to score the girl of his dreams.

But now that dustin has everything he wants,

now that all his problems have just vanished,

he turns away from buzz like he was the invisible man.

What am I, some colossal embarrassment?

You afraid your friends at art world today

will think i'm a big bag of shit?!

Bartender: You bust something else?

Shut up, I'll pay for the fucking thing!

You don't love her, dustin. You don't love cathy.

For two years I've known that girl,

two years.

I've bought her things, I've walked her home,

I've watched her...

going home at night pretending I was with her.

I didn't even have the nerve.

I didn't even have the nerve to ask her out.

And then you come along, and bam!

It was nothin', it was easy.

She's not a fuck, dustin.

She's not a fuck.

She's a lady. She's a person.

You don't care about her.

I tried to write this stuff down,

I wanted to, so I started to...

I cannot write when I feel this way,

all this great stuff you have, man!

I don't have shit!

This isn't fair, man.

You're blaming me for all the shit in your life.

I know, I know, I'm a fucking mess.

I recall myself having a conversation the other day,

a real nice one,

just about the lakers, you know...

"isn't kareem's work under the boards good?"

"Isn't magic's shot on?" You know,

and then I realized I'm all alone,

I'm talkin' to myself.

Why don't you tell me this stuff, huh?

Did you think I wouldn't listen?

I tried, I got your machine!

How do you tell this stuff to a machine?

Cut the self-pity, all right?

Just cut the fucking self-pity!

Why, huh!

Does it remind you of somebody?

I can't help you.

I tried, but you won't let me.

I tell you a hundred times to cut out the booze,

but no, the only one fucking you over is you!

So get a mirror, take a look, and figure it out,

'cause I don't need it, okay?!

Of course not!

That's because you're a selfish, sappy sell-out!

You sell out your art, you sell out your best friend,

you sell out your whole fucking life!

You're a very jealous person!

I worked my ass off for this!

You worked

me! Me! I worked!

Where's my girlfriend, huh?!

Where's my fucking new fucking clothes?

Where's my big break?

Where's my fame and fortune, huh?!

I worked...I worked...

I got nothing.

Dustin!

Hello?

Why

all right, all right.

Yeah, I'll be right there.

No thanks. I'll stand.

Jesus christ!

What are you doing?

You painted me, now I painted you.

What did you say?!

I didn't say anything.

You think I'm crazy.

You think you know me, right?

So you really care. Why are you...

I think it's sick.

I think you must be some sick little

insignificant little guy

who thinks he knows all about somebody

after some insignificant meeting

on an insignificant street!

Maybe you're forgetting something.

I don't want to hear it! Fuck it! Then why are you here?

What?

You did the thing with the paint

great, I'm humiliated. You can go now.

Go!

Congratulations.

Thanks.

It doesn't matter! What?!

It doesn't matter, I don't care!

You understand? I don't even care.

I believe you.

I don't care if people think they know me,

because they don't.

Is there some point to all of this?

You know why you painted me?

Not anymore.

I do.

Because you're so fucked up with your own life,

so you gotta go and screw up somebody else's.

I'm not trying to screw up your life.

Maybe you're creatively impotent...

Just listen...

and the only way to get your rocks up

is by painting me!

And maybe you're so full of shit

that you have to make stuff up out of thin air!

Ha ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha ha ha!

You've got paint all over...You.

It's not funny.

You have, um...

...paint in your hair.

You look utterly ridiculous.

You don't like it?

It's my blue period.

I want to talk to you.

We can't.

Why not?

There's no point.

Have you completely forgotten what happened that night?

What

don't do this.

Tell me, what am I doing?

Don't be so petrified of getting close to someone.

I gotta get out.

Stop running away!

I'm not running!

I know you! Bullshit!

I know you're running away! You don't know me!

And you don't know me!

But you've seen what I've done,

doesn't that tell you something?

I want to understand you.

Oh, shit!

Buzz!

Come on, buzz, I know you're in there!

It's seven o'clock in the morning.

Buzz!

Are you still mad at me, is that it?

Buzz, I'm leaving today.

We gotta talk, man, we gotta work things out.

What...

Hi, it's me. Are you there?

Damn it. I need you to meet me tomorrow.

Be at the l.a. county museum at nine o'clock.

I have to see you. Bye.

Be at the l.a. county museum at nine o'clock.

I have to see you. Bye.

Yeah, paul, I'll be right there.

No, it's open, come on in.

Oi vey...

I just ate the home run special breakfast, twice.

Buzz!!!

Jeepers!

I didn't think you'd be so glad to see me,

considering I nearly decapitated both of us with a pool cue.

Buzz, I'm sorry.

No, I'm sorry, I'm an asshole.

No, I'm an asshole.

No, we're both assholes.

We'll be assholes together.

I tried to call you, I even went by your place.

Everything has been such a fucking blur.

So I wake up in my car like two hours ago,

I get home, and there's a message on my machine.

Guess who? You're kidding.

I swear to god.

That throws the cat in the doghouse, doesn't it?

To put it one way.

What does little dustin learn from this valuable experience?

I don't know, buzz.

I love her.

You love her you're positive?

I want her.

You wanted her from the first time you saw her.

But now it's different,

because after all the shit I found out about her,

after everything I made up about her in my head

and found out was wrong, i...

I still want her.

I still want her, buzz.

That's gotta mean something.

What are you gonna do about it?

Dustin! Hurry up, kid, we're running late!

Just a minute, paul.

You can talk to your friends when we get there, let's go!

We got a plane to catch!

What am I gonna do about it?

You know. Don't gimme that shit.

I'm staying.

You're what?

I'm staying.

I'm staying in l.a.

You can't do that.

Why not?

Why not? Get real!

I can't do a thing back there without you!

People don't buy art

without meeting the artist first.

It's p.R., it's kissing ass,

and it's your goddamn career.

Come on. Get in the damn car.

He's right.

Maybe so.

I'll call you, okay?

Have a great trip.

Good. Come on.

Dustin, what are you doing?!

What are you trying to prove?!

Are you gonna throw away this opportunity?

You can be a success!

Isn't that what you wanted?

All right, the money, think about the money!

Hey, listen, paul, I'm going to find her.

If I make it to new york, great. If not, who gives a shit?

You'll survive without me.

Well, how was the trip? Did you miss me?

Did you bring me back a present?

Your car, sir.

Am I crazy?

Get outta here, man, it's past nine.

Paul: Dustin!

Christiane!

♪ everything that I can see in you ♪

♪ is what I want to do

♪ so true

♪ your lovin' speaks to me even though ♪

♪ you've gone and let me go

♪ so blue

♪ you need me just like the sky ♪

♪ only one look of your eyes ♪

♪ puts out the fire

♪ that is burning, ignited by love's disguises ♪

♪ come back and say that you love me ♪

♪ come back and say you'll be mine ♪

♪ don't be afraid to be near to me ♪

♪ or you may never see

♪ our love

♪ I'm hoping that you'll come back some day ♪

♪ and you'll be here to stay ♪

♪ my love

♪ you need me just like the sky ♪

♪ only one look of your eyes ♪

♪ puts out the fire

♪ that is burning, ignited by love's disguises ♪

♪ come back and say that you love me ♪

♪ come back and say you'll be mine ♪

♪ come back and say that you love me ♪

♪ come back and say you'll be mine ♪

♪ come back and say you'll be mine ♪

♪ come back and say

♪ that you'll be mine

♪ come back and say you'll be mine ♪

♪ come back and say

♪ come back and say that you'll be mine ♪

♪ say...

:: Ripped by ferneiva ::