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would you stand up and walk out on

oh god oh

hold that one more

I didn't think I was gonna make it

I did not think I was gonna make that

oh

hahaha

oh

tits tits boobs and more tits what are you smelling on

hey Earl it's Mike

listen uh

I ain't gonna be back for a little while so I need you to take care of the bar

over the weekend

try not to burn it down

you know we don't want some shit

happening like last time with the

whole World Series fiasco

yeah no no

it's not gonna happen like that ever again

for sure I know it won't

just remember I built this place on boobs booze

and fucking freedom brother

so protect it at all costs we'll do you got my word sir

everything's gonna be great alright

I'll smell you later

you have a you have a good time sir

it's under control boss

nothing like that will ever happen again

you got my word on it

enjoy your time away

wait ha ha

everything is fine

he he he he he he he he he he he he

he he he he he right in the bullseye baby

come on he he he he he he he he he he he extra points

id please

oh hey Roger come on in buddy appreciate it big guy

the fuck are you looking at you cocksucker haha

let me get you a drink huh

how's she look tonight

what's what's she wearing is she killer who Shelly

yeah oh yeah she's looking really good

tonight buddy really good

tonight you know what I mean

she's looking good

oh and dress to impress for sure

she just killed on stage a second ago Raj

you just missed it well as much as I love seeing

Shelly take a turn on stage gentlemen

it's all about the one on one time for me hahaha

and tonight we're couch dancing till the sun comes up

hahaha fucking pervert hahaha fuck yeah

baboom bitches hahaha dirty ass hahaha

fucking Ron

oh

Hola puppies I've got some specials

from the bar I've got 2 for 1 beers

and 25 cent ass blaster wings all you can eat

you want anything

I'm gonna skip the wings but bring me those two beers

make it real fucking quick

anything for you puppy same

okay no touching no hands

no kissing no biting no touching no kissing no licking

no fingers there's no drilling

no photos no pictures

there's no coming in your pants and no cell phones

touching no licking

don't come in your pants no coming in your pants

and no cell phones got it no cell phones no smoking

no bullshit or I'll flip you I'll flip you for real

no problem man

just don't put your mouth on me ugh

I'll I'll take 100 can I yeah the VIP is like 100

oh so hot in here oh my god I don't feel good oh

don't even think

about getting your dick out I don't wanna see your dick

that is just

Ew

oh this yeah I got

I have a wound

um but it's fine you're gonna love your dance

oh my god oh

okay

I'll see you on the back

hey folks this is the wall of shame

now you don't wanna find yourself on this wall folks

or you'll be exiled from the club

refused entry and shamed

ah just another hump day in paradise haha am I right

tits jiggling booze flowing

pussy popping money dropping

the jerk wads getting their wads jerked

that DJ Dipshit

DJ Laser blowing himself in the DJ booth

Porter good old muscle boy and me

the dynamic duo of dildos

ready to penetrate another Wednesday

all you can eat ass blaster wings

with half a chub

a pocket full of coke

and a room full of naked broads with daddy issues

I love this song did you

Brooks and I'm bowling I'm Ragin

I'm Ragin I'm Rollin I'm Ragin and Ragin and this is

I freaking love this song

it's possibly my favorite

song I should learn the words to

Papá Papá Papá Papá Papá Papá Papá Papá Papá

Papá Papá Papá Papá Papá Papá Papá Papá Papá

Papá Papá Papá Papá Papá

Papá Papá

straight cat I wanted to feed it and bring it in but

but but what you got please

yeah what happened girl

I don't know it was all wrong and

looks rotten like it was already dead

should better not be contagious

I can't bring no food home yeah let's see that costume

holy shit it bit you it looks infected

fuck yeah it fucking bit me

look at my arm it's totally pissed off

Ew

I felt like shit ever since

oh uh uh no this bitch is gonna puke oh

bitch do not puke on these shoes I just paid them off oh god

I can't even it's gonna be okay

oh god no

what the fuck

fuck what the fuck Piper you're up

holy shit the hell happened in here

fuck off Porter

wipe this shit up and get out there

the song's almost over and I have no one to fill your

spot

shouldn't you be at the door you gorilla

listen okay you're up listen and Shelly Rogers here

get yourself together for Christ's sake

don't worry girls I got this

thank you

Beso mi culo porter

pinche puta alright gentlemen put your hands together

coming to the stage next is that bad body blondie

that's right it's Barbie

that's working that body for you

these beautiful ladies work for tips and tips alone

so don't just sit here next to another ugly guy

when you could be up there on that

big black couch get in the ride of your life

this guy is fucking driving me nuts the same

fucking song every night at the same fucking time

telling you what for 7 years he's been doing the same fucking

thing this guy fucking sucks

I mean a chimpanzee could do his job at this point

I wouldn't have to tip out a monkey

good point or give him head to skip the tip out

no shit you guys are getting to skip tip out

Rick yeah

if the way else you think you'd be sucking his dick

haha no shit sweet tits wait a minute

you ladies are just figuring this out right now really

hahaha

look alive out there handsome hunks and studs

this next song is a couch dance

so I suggest you grab yourself

one of these beautiful babies

and make your way to paradise

oh god damn

you sure are my favorite darling

don't you worry about the tip out tonight

and it's only Wednesday

anyway let's make it snow ha ha ha ha ha yeah

any fucking Christmas see this is why we love you Earl

go on porter get back to the door oh trust me I'm good

hundred percent natty drug free for me honey

oh drugs are good I thought it was a man in the suit

but it was probably a real thing

cause I have a friend that has like a deer camera

and he shows me all the things where it's like that

it's actually probably like a

shut the fuck up no I'm just telling you shut the

fuck up and it and it looks like mom

it looks like a real fucking

guy but it looks like it's like a monkey

back but like why would there be a monkey back in Oklahoma

you know what I mean so I'm just like whoa like that

Sasquatch real I wonder and then it makes you wonder

like what else are they lying to us about

Sasquatch is real baby like I'm pretty sure

they told me stories back when

I was a kid kid I was like raised

telling her hearing all the stories

like they would be like all the pyramids are real now they're

back guys I have to tell you something uh huh

uh huh my mom fucked my dentist yeah

yeah when I was like 13 these are yeah hahaha

but now like I'm fucking my dentist no stop

molar haha is that your mom has such good teeth haha

shine shine

which is really stupid cause I make good money now so

haha yeah

what the hell are we doing one time

shit myself on Magic Mountain

felt amazing yeah hahaha

should we go to Magic Mountain now

we should we need to go now

I love my fucking Magic Mountain

I do right now too

one time I tried to snort some coke off of a midget's

knob

but it went in instead of out the way

so then I had to try and stick my tongue in there

and it got lost

I don't know where it went I kind of fell in love

does that mean he owes you more cocaine

he's very small

hey you strippers are on cocaine

you want some no

funny to go around oh son of a bitch haha

it's okay more for us

oh I'm like Sonic the Hedgehog right now haha

hey you cut that out hey you cut that out

hey you cut that out you cut that out OK whoa whoa whoa

it's fine

I don't do drugs the drugs do me

are you really here what is this

oh fucking drugs I fucking feel love

hahaha yeah yeah oh yeah

oh Shelly there you are

I've been dying to see you all day

are you are you feeling alright you don't look so good

oh wow

sick or not it's okay with me you're horrid as hell

tonight

you're you're ice cold

uh don't get me wrong I I'm loving the attention

I told you boys

these girls work for money you weren't lying man haha

oh

oh I think I'm in love hold my hand dude hold my hand

you're my best friend you're my best friend

oh my god that feels so good oh

we're the Knights of Camelot oh hahaha

gentlemen the first man who pulls my tongue

out of her ass will be crowned King Arthur hahaha yeah

I don't want yeah

hahaha oh don't get me wrong I mean

sick or not I'm digging the attention

hell I'd let you give me mono

oh oh yeah

yeah

ooh

yeah oh oh

oh yeah sure yeah

oh oh

my you're going a little you're going a little hard oh

I love you oh thank you so much not

oh oh I need my mom to use that much force baby

oh fuck no teeth baby no teeth no teeth

hey hey seriously no no teeth baby

hey come on this is okay okay okay

okay I mean I'm not gonna

I'm not gonna stop damn oh shit

I feel some skin coming off oh god oh

shit

hmm that's right yeah just like that yeah

that's what it's supposed to feel like oh

nice how you doing my man I love you I'm doing

great you love me

oh yeah well he's my best friend your new best friend

haha

hey we're all friends here tonight

oh yeah Shelly yeah yeah no no no Shelly no

happy birthday

happy birthday

hey hey hey no no

ah

what the fuck

hey what the fuck what the hell what the fuck oh shit

fuck this

fuck your birthday god damn it

oh my god

oh my god oh my god

oh

my

god

ah ah ah ah ah ah ah

ah

ah ah

ah

ah ah ah

ah

ah ah ah

ah ah ah

ah ah

oh my god oh my god oh my god oh

my

god oh my god

oh my god

oh my god oh my god oh

my god

what the fuck you don't talk to me no

no fucking loser what

the fuck

ah fuck ah

no

ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah

I'm sorry Mama

ah ah ah ah ah ah ah

ah

oh oh oh oh oh

you're the murderer you're the murderer come on come on

come on you're killing us oh oh

oh oh oh oh

you're the murderer ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah

ah

ah ah

ah ah ah

well who goes there

don't be shy

darling come on over and say hi to Uncle Laser

Jesus Christ Miley Cyrus Scissor and suck attack

you look uh

you look rough uh been a long day darling

what kind of drugs you want

Jesus Christ say no to meth bitch

Bang Bang

yeah time for I'm here

are you sure

okay I'm on my way

holy fucking Tony Danza

something tells me you're not here to suck my dick

alright girls I got this stay down

John

no

what the fuck is going on bro shit

yeah I don't know damn looks like they're sick

you see Shelly was

she barfed on someone in the changing room

this ain't no fucking flu man they're eating

they're eating people brains like like

what are they eating brains they're eating brains

it looks like dicks penis

they say penis we are fuck muscle boys

this is the worst hot wing happy hour

ever that we've had

I remember that World Series

fucking it was full of a bunch of assholes

oh fuck no no

remember that you were here that night that guy

took a massive shit on the floor

right by that stripper pole

we couldn't get the smell out for like a week

holy moly folks ugly dudes and beautiful

women everywhere it appears

we have just won the world

series with that last home run hit

let me get a hell yeah

now guys remember don't be stingy get your couch dances

don't be sitting there next to a ugly

dude when you could be on the big black couch with a beautiful

baby

remember this historical night by

getting a dance with your

lovely lovely lady of your choice ha ha ha

come on

what what we just won we won the World Series OK

hey guys we just won the World Series hey we win hahaha

yeah yeah

oh no

oh no I know what's about to happen with these losers

oh no not again

oh great all over my bar what the hell oh

man you better clean it up what is going on

my money is getting pissed on right now

boys don't try to tear

shit up I'm gonna kick your ass you don't do that in my bar

World Series or not you're about to get a World Series

ass whooping

hey what's that over there

someone shit on the floor

Ew what is that that's human shit

disgusting hey that's shit

ah man all over my fucking floor ah

gross gross gross ah disgusting ah

hey yo dead bitch come on get some of this dick

oh god fuck ah god

what the fuck

I can't believe she fucking bit me you bitch

yo park what's our next plan of Action Man

you two poor fuck man

come on bye motherfucker

oh come on give me a hand

the fuck you guys want who's poking me back here

motherfucker

who's next who fucking wants this

come on

it was like the classic kind of summertime fling

you know we met at a carnival I wanted prizes

we split a funnel cake

capped off the evening with a nice romantic kiss

no big deal you know as we got a little bit older

we we kept in contact but we both moved away

okay okay I gotta stop you let me ask you

have you ever really been in love

well I mean to say real wait a minute

are you outside her house again

are you stalking her are you stalking her

no of course not I'm I'm on a I'm on a call

I'm actually getting ready to go on a call actually

no I was just no why did she call did she call in

oh my god dude are you serious

no did she did she did she ask about me

you know we can't do this you can't be on the clock

and be stalking your fucking ex girlfriend

first of all we are not officially

broken up okay she never said that she just stopped talking to me

so we are still together this is fine

I have a call to be on anyways

I'm I I have a I have a call so I'm gonna go

I can't sit here waiting to die

I gotta get out of here I'm gonna run to the door

where we go wait

I was actually taking that so risky

so little I'm sorry I gotta get out of here

I'm sorry EWW I got blood on me

ah ah

ah ah ah ah ah ah

ah ah ah

ah ah

ah ah ah ah

ah dumb bitch

god damn it

come on motherfucker

man he went down quick oh fuck

what the fuck is going on

yeah I'm fucking loving this now

hahaha alright go for round two

the fuck are they coming from

fucking motherfucker hahaha let's go

ah ah ah ah ah

ah ah ah ah

come on you motherfuckers is that all you got

I'm fucking Earl here get the fuck off of me

fuck

get back now you too get the fuck off of me the fuck

god stupid bitch fuck god damn it

is that a dick in your mouth you fucking god

all I know is

fuck you might better appreciate what I'm doing here

holy shit what a bunch of fucking assholes

what are you guys gay you like dick too eat a penis

not mine fucking dorks

shut up

fucking Mike dude why

why of all the fucking times to go out of town

he wouldn't have done this though you know what I mean he wouldn't

have held up

first bitch that bit him would have got him

so much fucking blood

fuck you John

this is gotta be the best and worst way to fucking die

but not the fucking day bitch

fuck you zombie fucking cunt

fuck you

no fucking get the fuck off of me

yeah ripped it right the fuck off Whoo

fuck this

I don't know what kind of disease shell

whoever brought into this joint but it's fucked

we're fucked it's all fucked

all hell broke loose and I spent hours hacking

through these bitches some were my friends

some I really liked hell

a couple I was even hoping to get a bang or

some sympathy head

one night type of thing you know Cheryl Daphne Chloe

fuck even Donna

even fucking Donna dude it was a bloodbath

ah

ah

ah ah ah ah

hey Asshole asshole

fuck

you

stupid bitch get off of me you know

you

seven fucking years

I can't even turn on the fucking radio anymore

for fear that I'm gonna fucking hear

one of these goddamn club songs

fuck you laser I'm gonna fuck your shit up

I'm gonna enjoy it you dumb motherfucker

oh fuck

you ugly motherfucker

god damn it

yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah it's pretty nice though

yeah yeah

hey Dead Bitch

I got those easy hahaha come on bitches

so fucking exhausted and now finally

everyone is dead

what the fuck is that

fucking two rats in here or something

fucking killed everything

it's fucking big what the fuck would that be

what in the actual fuck is happening to me

this is a fucking nightmare

fuck you I'm fucking coming

fuck this guy

hahaha you fat motherfucker hahaha

what the fuck

hey hey hey freeze motherfucker drop the weapon

drop the head

man I have had the most fucked up night bro

you are gonna pay for what you did

no just hear me out okay

1080 we have the suspect down send everybody

it's a fucking bloodbath

Ew

hey keep walking buddy what do you want

let me take you in I'll take you in keep walking

what's up

what are you looking at

can a man eat in peace bunch of bullies

can a man eat in peace bunch of bullies

hey daddy you wanna dance

I sure do

you're the best thing I've seen here all night

so I have to tell you some rules

you're not a rule breaker are you

oh no my mama raised me right

okay listen no touching no biting no licking

no drooling no fingers

no photos no coming in your pants and no no cell phones

yeah you got it I can do that good boy

thank you

got

action

oh fuck sorry

action

haha

duh alright sorry

sorry I didn't reset I didn't reset I didn't reset I didn't reset I didn't reset I

didn't reset I didn't reset I didn't reset I didn't reset I didn't reset I didn't reset I didn't reset I didn't reset I didn't reset I didn't reset

I didn't reset

who uh Shelly yeah

she's looking really good tonight buddy

really good tonight you know what I mean

looking good

you bite her butt

yeah just to impress for sure you just missed her

right oh I didn't know if you want me to do that

I thought it was him first you know you say

you want a dance you say would you like a dance oh

sorry I was waiting on him sorry we're trying to do

you guys you guys want clear over that I don't know

I mean it's still a real handle really you don't have

to really

sell it oh I don't really have to be in a movie come on

I don't really have to act okay I'll quit yeah

he's right here

her eyes are right here yeah yo dead bitch

come on get this dick

and there goes her head hahaha

action hey crazy eyes

oh but here's the thing

it went off a little early didn't it

no as soon as your head was cut off you were right there

hahaha oh shit oh shit okay

BTS though that's okay it was dead with pumpkin hahaha

it's real yeah man hahaha

can I do can I redo that with root

beer so I can drink it take it yeah