Original subtitles

Oh, Skank!

Fuck me!

Hey. What did you say?

-You teach him that? -He heard it in the locker room, Dad.

-From who? -Everyone.

You know what it's like in there.

The travelling boy, the travelling boy The travelling boy

He shoots. He scores!

Something very bad happens.

Wouldn't start again? Was it the gas line?

I don't know. I'll ask Tinker.

Take the sled, will you? I wanna wait for the mail.

The magazine's supposed to be here, express.

Better be good.

Of course it's gonna be good. That's the whole point.

Well, I don't exactly trust Chucky Boy.

Good one. Pass it down.

Come on. Pass it off.

All right. Let's go again.

Bailey!

Hi, Bailey.

Fat men don't shovel, Bailey.

No, it's dry. It's dry.

-That's a lung biscuit. -Fucky.

Joey! That's it.

Neither of you guys are coming to the locker room again.

John?

Have a good game today.

-Fuck, it's cold! -All right, taters are hot.

Right here, Connor. Thanks. Fuck! Hot, hot, hot!

Maybe you'll pass me the puck.

-What the hell kind of curve is that? -Nice.

-Bobby, throw some tape. -It'll be a hot one today.

-What the... -Hey, tape!

-Hey, is the magazine out yet? -Monday.

Johnny's supposed to get a copy express.

-Maybe we made the cover. -We ain't on the cover.

He said it would be a big story with pictures.

Yeah, Chuck exaggerates.

-Hey, guys. -You're late, Skank.

You are not gonna believe this.

Sarah Heinz.

I know! She's supposed to be this shy girl.

I figure, what the hell. I ain't that attracted.

I'll vaccinate her quick, get home for an early sack,

-beat what's left of the bishop. -Like this?

She's much fatter naked.

-No. -Yeah!

I'm telling you. She's got her February fat now!

What is it? Second week in December?

She's riding me like a wet walrus, making these fat sounds.

The guy's got no shame.

You're a sick man, Skank.

-Hey, you got the magazine? -The mail didn't come yet.

-Damn. -Hey, Sheriff.

What?

-You kill one more wolf... -Hey, no sheriffing in here.

I ain't sheriffing. I'm just a teammate concerned for his freedom.

Come on, boys. Let's move it.

It's 2:10, it's below zero. The committee won't be happy.

-The committee. -Screw them.

You seen Weeks lately? He's been skating the river.

I don't care.

I'm about to be on the cover of Sports Illustrated.

Yeah.

That photographer said I have one of those expressive faces.

A face that tells a story.

-Too bad it's a tragedy. -Yeah, a comedy.

Yeah, a horror story.

Come on, guys. Let's start getting our heads into it.

Like Connor says, that Weeks kid, he's got jump.

I'm telling you, Tree, there's rumours. One of us is going down.

Let's do it!

-Let's move! Let's go! -Let's move!

-Come on, Tree. -All right.

-All right, Tinker. -Pick it up!

-Come on, Bobby. -You got it. Coming by!

-Heads up! -Run you over!

Good day for hockey, boys.

Let's go!

Okay, now, boys, let's skate it out!

Okay! Good game! Good game!

All right, all right. Bring it in, bring it in. Stretch it out.

-Let's do it, Sheriff. -Sticks!

Divide them up, Michael!

Don't give me Tree. I wanna win this week.

I win no matter what side, me.

-Win this, Tree. -Not the Winetka.

Let's do it over.

Biebe, it's you and me, huh?

-Winetka. -Here.

-Holt. -Brown's the winner.

Brown shirts against doublets...

-Dad! -Thanks, Mike.

-Tree! -Don't fall asleep back here, Holt.

Come on, come on.

All right, Galin!

-You see Stevie Weeks yesterday? -Jump.

You think we gotta do it?

Go, go, go!

-Birdie! -Try to pass it to me!

-Give it to me! -Try it!

-Try it. -I'm in the slot! Now, Birdie, pass!

Damn!

All right, Galin!

Get him!

All right!

Soon, it'll be you out there.

-I don't know. -It will, Stevie.

Daddy!

There are things you do in public and things you don't.

We're just kissing, for God's sakes.

-Very effective, Walter. -Nipped in the bud.

Mary Jane.

-You got it? -I got it. Look.

It's three pages with pictures and profiles.

Look, there's John.

"A mix between Bobby Baun and Moose Dupont."

Yeah, he won't like that.

"Clears the crease like a snowplough." Well, he can't not like that.

Come on.

-Honey. -Hey.

Look at this. The mayor should get first look.

-Not bad, right? -Wow.

Son of a piss whore. Our town, Sports Illustrated.

Listen to this.

"The legendary hockey players of Mystery, Alaska,

"were born on skates in a world perpetually covered with ice and snow.

"Isolated by rugged mountains and vast glaciers,

"they hone their skills by playing each other,

"Saturday after Saturday, for as long as anyone can remember.

"The citizens attend with religious devotion in sub-zero weather.

"A committee of town fathers decides who plays and by what rules.

"The game has become more than a sport.

"It's a weekly ritual celebration."

"The Winetka brothers forecheck like gophers.

"When a puck goes into a corner, a Winetka comes out with it."

-Yeah! -Read. Read!

-And then there's Connor Banks. -Connor!

-Shut up! Shut up! -Connor.

What about Connor Banks?

"Montreal had its Rocket. Mystery has its Cruise Missile!"

-Yeah! -They're comparing you to the Rocket.

The only rocket you got is your meat whistle.

Hang on. Hang on.

"Perfecting the art of the pass is John Biebe..."

-Yeah! -All right, John!

"...whose precision and accuracy

"more than compensate for slowness of foot.

"The only player without lightning speed."

Hey, every team needs a thumper, Johnny.

-Fuck them, John. Fuck them. -Get this.

"On pure skating ability, the boys of Mystery, Alaska,

"rival any team in the National Hockey League!"

That's us! That's us!

And isn't it exciting for Charlie,

getting his article published in Sports Illustrated?

I bet this is a big accomplishment for him.

He kind of embellished a little.

He's always been so smart, that Charlie.

I knew when he left, he'd make it big.

Well, actually, I heard he left 'cause he skated like a homosexual.

You think because you scored two goals today,

you played a good game?

We don't talk about hockey at the table.

You've been talking about it for 20 minutes.

We've been talking about the magazine.

Which is about hockey.

Can't we just enjoy the attention tonight?

Sports Illustrated, for God's sakes.

Hockey is played at both ends of the ice.

You...

You coast in your own zone.

You skate like a figure skater.

And when you get the puck, you don't pass.

More potatoes?

No. I've lost my appetite.

He never made the Saturday game. That's what's bothering him.

I mean, why should he tell me how to play?

-He played college Two-A, Birdie. -Two-A isn't the Saturday game.

-That's enough. -Well, he started it!

Margie has relatives in Waterville, Maine.

She said as soon as Price World moved in,

all the local shops went right out of business.

Price World's not gonna come, Ma. We're not big enough, for God's sakes.

Well, they've been sniffing.

The Big M, Frank Mahovlich,

tears down his wrong wing and fires a high one

that Worsley turns aside.

The ex-New York Ranger goalkeeper...

Oh, Skank.

Yeah. Yeah!

Scores!

-Yeah! -Yeah! Yeah!

"On the left side, Skank Marden is a master of sticky sores..."

No, no, Charlotte.

Remember, you want to sound out the words.

-Okay. -Let's try again.

"Skank Marden, a master of the stick, scores on demand."

That's right. Good. Excellent.

Tommy!

What?

Word is Biebe is out, Weeks is going up.

Really?

-Don't get too far. -Yeah, Dad.

-Hey, Johnny. -Hey.

Thanks for coming, Johnny.

We can't hold Stevie Weeks back any longer.

You'll be first alternate, of course.

That's...

There's more to the game than speed, Scott. Experience counts...

Which Stevie Weeks can't get till we call him up.

You've been in the Saturday game 13 years, Johnny.

-That's a record! -I can still play.

When was the last time you scored a goal?

Look, it's not fair to the Weeks boy to keep him back.

And it's not fair to the Saturday game.

Shit!

I gotta go.

Donna's inside, Johnny.

-Hey. -Hey, you.

I'm fine, Donna.

We talked about this. We knew one day, eventually...

-I'm fine. -Don't tell me you're fine.

I better check on Mike.

You could've told me.

I can't give you that kind of information.

We're sleeping together, for God's sakes.

Skank, we're committing adultery. It's not like I threw in trust as a perk.

-Honey. -Hi.

Look, you may have heard.

-We just did it. -I heard.

Yeah, and so did I, and it's a big mistake.

John Biebe is the anchor, God's sakes!

Geez.

-Stevie! Stevie! Stevie! Stevie! -Stevie! Stevie! Stevie! Stevie!

Guys, it ain't my birthday.

It's better. You're in the Saturday game!

Yeah!

I could go down as fast as I come up.

-No, no. There's no way. -Hey, I'm next.

They'll be calling me next.

-Hey, Mike. -Hey.

Why don't you get yourself that milkshake?

I'd better not hear your grades are dropping off.

They won't, sir.

Now, you skate like you can. You'll be fine.

-Boys. -Sheriff.

-I ordered one for you, too, Dad. -Thanks, Mike.

-Johnny? -Yeah?

You got to get out to Gagne Grocers. Connor Banks just shot a guy.

Jesus! What, did you put your finger in it?

Try and hold still.

Could you jam the oxygen tank a little further up my ass, please?

Have you done this before?

-Who is he? -A rep from Price World.

Good. Twist it! Yeah, that helps.

Think about trimming those nails, too, Tarzan.

-Just try to hold it there. -Are you trying to hurt me?

-You okay? -No, I'm not okay!

Do I look like I'm okay? The fucker shot me!

What the fuck-ass fuck of a bum-fuck-shithole town is this?

I make a business call. I give him my card.

And the hick-ass fucker shoots my foot off!

Cock-fucking shit!

Shit!

-John, it was an accident. -You read him his rights?

You have the right to remain silent...

Come on, John! I didn't mean to shoot him.

Call Bailey Pruitt. Talk to him. Don't be saying anything to me.

Johnny, I heard. I'm sorry.

Connor, you just shot a guy.

-Take him. -Read him his rights.

Cock-fucking suck-ass fucker!

Have fun in jail, asshole!

They got into a beef.

Connor pulled a pistol. Happened over in feed.

Says he was aiming at a sack of Puppy Chow, trying to scare him.

He hit a wheelbarrow. It ricocheted.

-Johnny? -Yeah?

There's a helicopter hovering over town hall. Looks Russian.

-I'm slow in the feet? -That's it? That's all you got for me?

No, "Wow, nice helicopter."

No, "Hey, great article in Sports Illustrated."

How's Donna doing? She miss me?

Twice in one year, Charlie. What do you want this time?

I come bearing the New York Rangers.

-The New York Rangers? -Yeah, I was pretty blown away myself.

But the article sparked some kind of brainstorm at the NHL.

Good writing, I guess.

-The New York Rangers? -The New York Rangers.

-In Mystery, Alaska? -Right here.

To play against our boys?

The NHL feels it'll be great publicity,

and the network figures a 14 share, minimum.

All right.

What's in it for you, Charlie?

Community pride.

A sense of giving back to the place where I grew up.

Money.

If you all settle down, we'll try to answer all your questions.

Now, nothing is definite.

There's still some dealing to be done with the players' unions and things.

But what needs to be decided first is, do we want this game?

I won't kid you, it would be a goose to the economy.

What economy?

We can be serious about this,

or we can simply leave the decision to the committee,

which I'm quite happy to do.

Yes, Mira?

The question is, do we really stand a chance?

'Cause if all that's gonna happen is we'll get laughed at,

I'm not for it at any price.

That's fair. That's fair.

And to answer that, I'd like to call up here someone we all know and...

Well, we all know. Charles Danner.

Thanks.

Well, first of all, it's really great to be back.

Bullshit!

Here's the thing.

On a standard ice rink, no, we don't come close.

But our boys on a pond...

Now, hold on just one second.

You're using words like "we" and "our boys."

You left this town, Charlie Danner.

-That's right. -Yeah.

You can't even skate.

Plus, this may be an old lady talking,

but I've always thought you were a bit of a prick.

Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a town meeting.

Let's have some order, for fuck's sakes!

John, could we make a game of it?

Yeah, John.

Depends on rules.

We play four-on-four. They play five-on-five.

Boards, offsides, two-line passing.

Rules that keep everything bunched. It's a different kind of game.

John, excuse me, but this game is gonna be played on a pond.

-Hey, Chuck... -One second.

Everybody here always says on a pond, nobody beats us, right?

Nobody.

Okay, well, you got a chance to prove it now.

John, can we win?

Shooting, passing, stick handling... The truth?

Except for Connor, nobody here comes close.

But on the pond,

black ice, wide-open surface, it's all about skating.

-We can skate. -Yeah, we can.

I'll vote for that, man.

New York Rangers are professionals.

Two things we've always had in Mystery,

our dignity and our illusions.

I suggest we cling to both.

Where's the dignity in not trying?

I'll play those Rangers.

-I'm in. -I'll play.

I'll beat them.

Yeah!

As mayor of Mystery, Alaska,

I'm gonna extend a little invitation to the New York Rangers!

Hey, Johnny!

This can't wait till tomorrow?

No, no, we gotta be on the ice at sunup.

If this game happens, it's only 32 days away.

We gotta get going.

I bet you'll be back on the team now, right?

Maybe.

They're not gonna play the Rangers with just 10 guys.

Here he comes.

-John. Hey, Donna. -Hey, Scott.

-Witch-tit cold, huh? -Yeah.

Look, John, with these new developments,

things have changed.

We want you to coach.

-Judge turn you down? -Yeah.

He's got some bug up his colon,

but next to Judge Fuck Nut, you know most about hockey.

Scott, you'll need him to play, right?

Well, the committee feels you can best help the team by, you know, coaching.

You're the guy. They all look up to you.

Scott, I don't coach.

John, I'm asking you as mayor of the town.

Will you coach?

Look, think about it. Let me know, huh?

You know, John, every ex-player-turned-coach

says they prefer coaching to playing.

-Why would they all say that? -Because they can't play.

So why'd you wanna come? I mean, you never wanna come when I plough.

-Well, could you pull over? -Sure.

What are you doing?

I thought...

I think we should celebrate you making the team.

Now? Here?

I don't know where else to do it. I got a condom, too.

-So... -Marla.

With you on the team, Stevie,

a lot of girls are gonna be, you know, after you.

I don't wanna lose you to Jody Lane just 'cause she gives.

Marla.

I'm not gonna leave you on account of not having sex.

I love you.

-Are you sure? -Yeah, I'm sure.

-I'm sorry. -That's okay. That's okay.

That's okay.

Does this mean we're done?

-I'm sorry. I must have... -That's okay.

It's okay, Stevie.

Hey, Sarah, sorry to be calling on you so late,

but have you heard?

-The Rangers? -Yeah.

Yeah, good news makes the compass point north.

How about a quick rattle?

After you, Skank.

"Mother walrus going, 'Thwap, thwap, thwap'"?

-What? -You wanna hear a thwap?

Women don't like being referred to as fat mammals, Skank.

I never would've said that to her face.

-You gonna arrest me? -Do you want me to?

Well, if it's all over what he said,

I'd just as soon it be all over that I hit him.

It will be.

Gonna let the kids keep the school, or...

We gotta have a new rink, Donna.

You want one of those goddamn TV trucks to fall through the ice?

Plus we need new boards, lights, and they're sending us a Zamboni.

A Zamboni. Getting wet just thinking about it.

Jesus!

-Donna. -Hey.

-Hey. -Hi.

-How you doing? -Good. How are you?

I'm good. You ran out before I could say hi last night.

-I know. Hi. -Hi.

God, you look good. How can you look this good?

What do you have, like, nine children now?

All right, well, we're not The Partridge Family.

-Three kids. -I know how many kids you have.

-So, you're a producer, huh? -Yeah, well, associate producer. Yeah.

-What's a producer do? -Well, I'm doing it.

-Really? -Yes, I'm liaising with the locals.

I see.

And the helicopter was...

Well, you know, it's the kind of news you wanna deliver in person, you know,

and I can't help it if it impressed the hell out of you.

Well, so... Well, so did it?

Do I look impressed?

You look good.

Your Honour, at this time I'd be asking the court to dismiss the charges

on the grounds of patriotism.

I'm not in the mood, Mr Pruitt.

If Price World did come here

with the one-stop shopping and the low, low prices,

it would threaten to put every merchant in this town out of business,

as it has in so many communities across this country.

-Trial date? -This Tuesday.

Tuesday?

-Fine by me. -All right, next Tuesday.

Impanel Monday.

I don't want a trial now. Suppose I lose?

I get jail, I miss the game.

Connor, trust me. They're not gonna lock up our leading scorer.

As the puck comes up the ice, the left wing will always drop back.

These forwards swing around here, try and force the puck this way,

so the puck carrier is always facing three defencemen.

-Are we gonna play it? -No.

We're gonna learn it, so we can beat it.

It's five men, not four. It's complicated.

Before we get into that,

there's one rule we got, we live by.

What happens in this room,

what's said in this room, stays in this room.

Now, last night, Skank took a shovel to the temple

because somebody repeated what was said in the locker room.

Somebody repeated it to Sylvie Walker,

and Sylvie Walker repeated it to Sarah Heinz.

-I told her confidentially. -Jesus.

What you say in the room stay in the room.

I didn't think she was gonna say anything.

Skank, I'm sorry.

She just smoked the hog, man. I wasn't myself.

-It's your call, Skank. -I want it.

Fuck!

Fucking wind-chill. This ain't right.

-No. -No.

-It's not that easy! -You know what it is.

One slip of the tongue.

All right, that's it!

Do it!

-Come on, guys! -Do it! Do it!

-Come on, Holt! -Do it!

Shit!

Oh, shit! Mother!

I hate you bastards! I hate you all!

All I did was suggest we meet, then he pulled out a gun.

-Did he say anything, Mr Walsh? -Objection!

Now, that question...

Fuck it.

-What did he say? -Well, he conveyed his anger

at the idea of Price World moving into the community.

He threatened to shoot me if I didn't leave the premises,

and then he shot me.

Thank you, Mr Walsh.

Reserve the right to recall, Your Honour.

Big doings we've got going here in Mystery these days, huh?

What with Price World wants to come here,

and now the New York Rangers want to come.

Mr Pruitt, I don't want to hear anything about Price World.

I don't wanna hear another word about a hockey game.

We talked about this.

Yeah, well, forgive me, Your Honour. I'm fat.

Mr Walsh, that bullet that struck you,

did it appear to ricochet off a wheelbarrow?

Maybe. But so what?

Is it legal to shoot in the vicinity of people in this town?

You don't care very much for our community, do you, Mr Walsh?

I have nothing against your community, Mr Pruitt.

Did you say, "What the fuck-ass fuck of a bum-fuck shithole town is this?"

Did you say that, Mr Walsh?

The game is tentatively scheduled for January 16th...

Hey, this is it! Hey, hey!

Sounds like fun, Barry, but evidently not for everyone.

No, I don't think so, Steve.

No one thought to check with the New York Ranger players about this.

The bottom line is, you only get a few days off during this long season.

Now, instead of spending these days off at home with their families,

they're told they gotta go to Alaska and play a game of pond hockey.

This is a joke.

Turning now to real hockey news,

the NHL named Wayne Gretzky as its player of the month.

The superstar scored 17 goals with 22 assists...

Yeah, wait till we beat them. Then we'll see who's a joke.

You guys know what you're made of. You know what you've got inside.

Nervous?

-Come on, let's work it around. -Don't leave him alone!

He's open.

In the middle.

-That guy can shoot, huh? -Yeah.

-Go, get on him! Get on him! -Hey, guys. Come on, now.

Get on!

Come on, Stevie! Come on!

-Fighting the puck a little. -Let him find his legs.

Yeah, his first game. He'll be fine.

-Come on, come on. Get on your man. -Block it!

Bring it out. Bring it out.

Go! Go! Go! Go! Yeah, Stevie, go! Stevie, go!

-Get away! Get away! -Stevie?

-Give him some air. -Stevie!

Is he okay?

-Biebe. -Good work, Tree. You killed him.

-Head was down. -I know. I know.

I got the salts, Dad.

Stevie?

-It's okay. It's all right. -Hello.

-Stevie, how many fingers have I got? -Is he okay?

I'm a premature ejaculator.

Let's go, guys. Three-on-three.

-So... -So?

Anyone special in New York?

No.

I don't want you to feel bad about that either,

just 'cause I haven't had a relationship that's lasted longer than six weeks

since we broke up in the 12th grade. That's...

The important thing is that you're happy.

-Right. -You are happy, I take it?

Yeah. I'm happy.

Good. Good.

How is your husband, anyway?

Appears to be well-fed.

Of course he is. I mean, what else do I have to do, really,

besides slave over a hot stove, rub my fat husband's feet,

dig splinters out of my ass that I get while sitting around pining for you?

Well, you said it, I didn't.

Seriously, though. I mean, forget about me.

Don't you ever wish you lived in a town that had a museum

or someplace where brothers and sisters

were off-limits to each other sexually?

All right, just follow the light.

No, just over here. There you go. Over here. Come on.

Still sleeping?

-How's he doing? -He's a little happy.

No, no, no. Easy, son.

-I'm okay. -All right.

Birdie, I'm sorry.

I didn't even get the condom on.

It was 'cause of your sister's breasts. They're perky.

Well, he's out again.

-Honey, what's wrong? -Nothing.

-Sweetheart... -I don't wanna talk about it, okay?

Well, if you can't talk to your own mother...

Stevie doesn't wanna sleep with me.

So, you two have already, you know, had relations?

No, he came in the condom.

Where was the condom when he...

You know?

On his serpent.

Hi.

What's wrong?

Walter, get out. This is private.

I'm entitled to know what's going on under this roof.

After all, I am the father of this child.

Walter, if you don't leave, I swear I'll tell you.

Right.

The defendant will please rise.

What say you, Karen?

The State of Alaska v. Connor Banks. Second-degree assault.

We find the defendant not guilty.

That's a not-guilty verdict on Connor. Betty?

And we further order Price World

to pay damages in the amount of $42,000.

What?

42,000 bucks!

They can't do that.

This is a criminal trial.

We don't award damages to criminal defendants.

The damage award is vacated.

What's that, "vacated"?

Look around. Look at yourselves.

You have exalted this game above what is right,

but you have your star centre back.

The defendant is free to go.

You have embarrassed my courtroom.

Thanks a lot. Fucking moron.

It's me that embarrasses you, isn't it?

-Did I say that, Brian? -I'm sorry I'm such a disappointment.

I'm sorry I don't feel like going to college and getting some degree.

I'm sorry for only wanting to play hockey,

and I'm sorry that you never played in the Saturday game,

but I would think there are bigger tragedies in life!

Brian!

Scotty. Hey.

I want you to meet the folks from the network.

-That's Jonathan Slevin. Scott Pitcher. -Hi.

-And, this is Janice Pettiboe. -My nostrils just froze.

It's a pleasure to welcome a famous TV personality.

Hi.

Janice, you see how everybody skates here?

-Yeah. -Even on the sidewalks.

We should get some shots of people skating...

-I can't feel my nose. -All right, then.

-She's cold. -She's weird.

"Eskimos On Ice."

In fact, that's what we're calling the team,

the Mystery Eskimos.

We're not Eskimos.

Well, I don't think it refers so much to your ethnicity. It's just...

And the Native Americans who do live here call themselves Inuit, Chuckmeat.

The deal here is we're selling this as a human-interest story.

The strange snowmen who play on a lake, the Mystery boys.

We don't know who they are or what they are.

All we know is they have poor dental health

and can skate like the wind.

It's a hockey game.

-How does she know... -Guys!

-...what kind of dental health we have? -Guys!

It's just a name, you know?

Nobody thinks the Dallas Cowboys are actually cowboys.

-If this ends up making fun of us... -Scott, it won't.

-You think I'd let that happen? -Do polar bears piss in the snow?

-Excuse me? -He's right.

You'd bite off your own jimmy if the price were right.

Really, Scott? My own jimmy?

You know what, why don't you go plan a rummage sale or renew...

If you try pulling something on us, I'll be so far up your ass...

-Gentlemen. -...you sorry piece of tit meat!

-Just talking about the game. -Yeah.

If nothing else, it's good for morale.

Good night.

No blood. Judge!

-He started it. -Don't! I'll talk to you tomorrow.

I don't know how to coach.

You taught half the kids in this town how to skate.

You played Two-A college.

You understand North American hockey.

Shit, they used to call you the Bear.

That was then.

Okay, Judge.

If we're gonna make a game of it, it should be you.

It won't be, John.

Come on! Pull it off!

People of Mystery, I give you your very own Zamboni.

-Now, don't be alarmed. -It looks 100 years old.

Well, it works just like new,

and it's kind of in keeping with the whole idea, don't you think?

What whole idea?

Scott, you got a Zamboni here in Mystery, Alaska.

Yeah. The original.

Why'd you say yes to boards? Sponsors?

You guys have never played with boards.

Won't that be a huge advantage for the Rangers?

John?

You've been smiling a lot lately.

-Excuse me? -Ever since he came back. Charlie.

You've been smiling a little more.

John, that was high school.

This is not a pond.

The fans are into it. Let's play hockey.

-Here we go. -Domi and Langdon.

Well, eight seconds in.

Domi leads the League in penalty minutes.

A couple of short rights and knocks the helmet off.

Another one. Are they gonna get tired?

-I don't know. -We're playing these guys?

He's landing a couple of big ones, and so is Domi.

He's got the fans into this one early, Sam.

Maybe we should fast-forward to the hockey part.

-Yeah. -The skating part.

Good idea.

Come on.

-Caboose, holding on back there? -Yeah.

-We're gonna crash! -Oh, no!

What happened down here?

Are you okay? Let me see. Are you all right?

It's a Rockwellian Christmas up here, skating, barbecues, snow.

We're here with defenceman Matt Marden and...

-Cut. -What?

I can't feel my fingers.

You need to rub them on a nice, warm Yuletide log.

I beg your pardon?

Look, Christmas is a lonely day for a guy to be choking his own chicken.

And, as women reporters go, I find you supple.

That was lovely. It's a shame we weren't rolling for that.

I'm sure he'd be happy to repeat it.

-You need to relax. -Charles!

Do you like massages?

-Tree, take the man up front! -Defence!

Tree, you've got to take the man! Jesus!

-All right, all right, all right, all right. -Sorry, Johnny.

-Don't say you're sorry. -Okay.

Sorry.

Tree, am I a big guy?

Yeah, Johnny.

No. Look.

See? You're the big guy.

And we need you to start playing like a big guy.

-Okay? Are you a big guy? -Yes, Johnny.

Come on. Say it. Say it!

-I'm a big guy! -Okay!

-Okay? -Okay.

-Okay? -Okay.

-Okay. -Okay, hit me.

-I don't want to hit you, Johnny. -Come on, Tree. Hit me!

-Johnny... -I'm not Johnny!

-I'm a New York Ranger! Hit me! -Stop it!

You look like the back end of a moose, Sasquatch.

You all right?

Just like that, Tree.

-You hit me like that, I'll kick your ass. -Tree!

Eskimos. I'm beginning to have second thoughts about this.

And having Chuck-fuck as our liaison with the network didn't help.

If they're gonna be pouring a lot of money into it,

-I suppose you have to let them sell it. -I suppose.

Besides, if they're gonna be doing a profile on the town,

it's as good as a commercial.

Our tourism might grow.

You know, this is the kind of opportunity that...

What?

What's that?

Skank Marden's been in this bed.

Well, you got to be kidding me. Well, that's just great.

Shit!

What?

-We got a problem. -What problem?

They're not coming.

What do you mean, not coming?

Evidently, the Ranger players

filed some kind of a grievance with the players' union and...

We tapped ourselves on the construction.

Are you saying that we're not going to get that money now?

I don't think so, no.

I'm really sorry, Scott. I don't... I don't even...

Jesus Christ, Scott!

Jesus! Oh, man!

Hey, hey.

That's enough. It's keeping the kids awake. Come on.

I should arrest him. That's what I should do.

Arrest him for what?

Fraud.

Hey, he promised something he couldn't deliver.

This town spent money, relying on Charlie Danner's word.

Flying in here on a helicopter,

swinging the New York Rangers from his belt.

Come on, John. You can't blame Charlie for that.

Who else is there to blame?

You want to sympathise with the guy, fine,

but I really do not need you taking his side.

-Okay. What is going on? -You tell me.

Okay, I think I've been pretty patient with this little jealousy thing.

The truth is, I've been a little bit flattered,

and now I'm getting insulted.

-You're insulted? -Yes, John.

When you read my smiling at him as a threat, that insults me.

It is not just a random smile, Donna.

Ever since he came back you've been walking around

with a big what-if on your face.

We've been married 12 years. Three kids.

Sweetheart, I know your smiles.

And that smile is not for me.

John, everyone in this goddamn town peeks over the snowbank and wonders.

Except you wonder what it would be like with him.

Charlie fucking Danner!

Don't talk to me about betrayal.

You became half dead the minute you were bumped from that team.

You disappeared.

This is not an easy place for a woman, John.

I thank God every day I gave birth to boys.

I never chose to stay.

I chose you.

Give me that, at least.

Move that puck, fellas! He's opening up! Move it!

Pass it out to the wing!

Pass that puck! Attaboy!

Over here!

Young man.

Lift your elbows, and that'll keep the blade flat on the ice.

I mean, you paid for the whole stick. You might as well use it all, huh?

Try it.

-Good, McGowan! -Good.

Hey, I'm going on the piss later. You want to join me?

No.

The League is taking the players' union

to federal court in New York on Tuesday.

It might help if Mystery had a face there.

There's an estoppel argument you could make.

Implied third-party contract, too.

Well, now we really have something to talk about, don't we?

You slept with another man. What's to talk about, Mary Jane?

All I've got is the notion

that being adored by your husband is enough in life.

You never touch me.

Here.

Go ahead.

Nothing in the basic agreement allows them to schedule exhibition games.

Of course we can schedule exhibition games.

Pre-season exhibition, but...

Your Honour, nothing has ever limited this to pre-season.

You know this, Harold.

It's a cheap stunt, Your Honour, and everybody here knows that.

They want the Ranger players to go up to the North Pole

and play pond hockey with a bunch of Eskimos.

It's a big gimmick. I mean, Mr Pruitt himself

has brought one of his lumberjack players with him

to help him further the exploitation.

Objection, Your Honour. That's not a very nice thing to say.

Your Honour, we've already spent a lot of money on this game.

You can sue the League for restitution.

That's assuming that money damages could make us whole,

but our reputation has been hurt.

Reputation? Price World tried to move up there, you opened fire.

What reputation?

-Could I be heard? -Go ahead.

We do have our pride.

And...

And maybe sometimes it's a little too connected

to how well we play hockey, but we do have our pride.

And all of you, and all the TV commentators

have been going around saying that this is a farce,

that this is all a big joke. Our town is a big joke.

-Is there a legal argument coming? -It's estoppel. It's in my brief.

What did you call... You called my friend something before.

-What did you call him? -A lumberjack.

That boy has a heart bigger than this whole courtroom.

He plays to play. He skates to skate!

He don't make a million bucks a year!

He loves the game of hockey! He loves it.

Judge, you can't take this game away from us.

You can't. It's not about money.

It's about our...

Mr Pruitt, are you all right?

-Bailey? -Mr Pruitt?

-Oh, my God. -Mr Pruitt!

-Bailey! -Somebody get this man some help!

Bailey? Bailey?

He's having a heart attack! Somebody help him!

-Jesus Christ. -Bailiff, call 911.

-Bailey! -Give him some air!

-Get somebody in here now! -He's not breathing!

Bailey!

Holy, holy, holy

Lord God Almighty

Early in the morning

Our song shall rise to Thee

Holy, holy, holy

Merciful and mighty

God in three persons

Blessed Trinity

My...

My boy Mike once asked Bailey how he got to be so fat.

He said it was because every time he met somebody he liked,

his heart would grow a little.

There were just so many good people in Mystery

that eventually his body had to expand to accommodate.

He could have left if he wanted, but he stayed.

Not because other worlds weren't available to him.

Because he loved this place.

"This is a hockey town," he'd say.

He never said it like it was something we should have to apologise for.

We're a hockey town.

I love this town, too, John.

You sent him, didn't you? To New York.

He won.

-Game's back on? -You're in this now, Old Bear.

You have to coach.

If I'm coaching, I need a captain on the ice.

Move it!

Move it, Stevie!

Come on, Birdie!

Move it!

-Move it, Birdie! -I'm moving!

Let's do it, guys!

Come on, guys. Let's do this.

Pick up your feet! Push over!

Oh, man.

I'm dying.

You lose a puck over there in the bank, you give it to the other team.

If you lose a puck along the boards, you gotta fight for it!

Do you understand me?

-Yes, sir. -Yes, sir!

Come on, you guys! Let's pick them up!

Let's go, boys!

Let's move!

-So, who are you gonna get? -Some celebrity.

To sing the national anthem?

-That's great. -Yeah, it's good.

Coming!

Don't worry. I didn't come here to sleep with you.

I came to see your husband.

Can I talk to you for a second?

I...

I just wanted to say, you know,

that I'm sorry.

The truth is, I don't really think about anything.

I play hockey, and I fornicate

because those are the two most fun things in cold weather.

And when I get too old to play in the game,

I'll probably just end up a drunk, like my dad.

I didn't mean to hurt you.

And...

I know that your being mayor and all,

this game is a real positive reflection on you.

Anyway, I'm gonna do everything I can to win this game

for Mystery, for dead Bailey, for you.

That's all I came to say.

-Oh, my God! -Is the whole team in there?

Yeah!

How are you? Welcome to Mystery.

Oh, my God!

-Steroids? -Yeah.

Big.

Yeah.

Not that big.

Go for it!

-Hey, what's your name? -Make it out to Stevie.

-Stevie. Here you go, Stevie. -Wow.

A little problem, Johnny.

What the hell do you think you're doing?

I'm leaving town. What are you doing?

Come on. Get down.

Why? It's my Zamboni, right? I brought it here.

You want me to take you in?

What, are you gonna arrest me for reckless Zamboni...

Fine. Take me in, John. I don't care.

Why don't you impound my helicopter?

Why don't you break my goddamn nose, too, huh?

They'd probably elect you mayor.

You wanna get some coffee?

Where's my parade?

I brought them here. Why don't I get a parade?

You know, what I'd settle for is a thank you.

This fucking town.

You know, when I left...

This town rejected me.

The day I chugged out of here, all I could think about

was the day I would chug back in with a Pulitzer in my hand.

And I would step off that train and say, "Why don't you skate on this, you..."

I'm sick. Okay, I'm sick. Oh, God.

So that's what this is all about, Charlie. You saying "fuck you" to all of us.

No, it's not. Goddamn, John, what do I gotta do?

This town is hockey, hockey, hockey, right?

So I bring back the New York Rangers.

-The New York Rangers! -You don't get it, do you?

I... Clearly not.

Well, leaving out the fact that you set all this up for your own benefit,

we agreed to a game of pond hockey, on open ice.

Now we're playing on a rink in a box. Boards, blue lines, referees.

What if we lose this game 25-zip, Charlie?

You brought back the one thing that could tear the heart out of this place.

Now, either you thought about that or you didn't.

I finally got them down.

"Dear Abby."

All the words are crossed out.

Not the important ones.

Just read it.

"Radiant. Maximum.

"Madly. Fancy.

"Simple. Stamina.

"Wedding." John.

Keep reading.

"Body. Baby son.

"Bedroom. Morning. Expressive. Tender.

"Take care.

"Love. Patience. Amends.

"Human."

It's beautiful, honey.

John?

Hey!

Yeah.

Heard you lost a little.

Okay, okay, okay, okay!

Okay. All right. Okay.

Inuit, Eskimo, whatever. Just zero in on faces that look local.

Okay, ready, five? Take five.

Welcome back. I'm Jim Fox,

and joining me right now is hockey legend Donnie Shulzhoffer

in from Flin Flon, Manitoba.

Donnie, let's get right to it.

I've had a chance to see the Mystery team practise.

They skate fast, and a couple of guys can really shoot the puck.

Look, the Alaskans have never taken on a team

of this size and skill before, okay? And don't kid yourself.

The New York Rangers are taking this game personal.

All right? It isn't exactly rocket surgery.

Now send the kids out of the room.

I don't care how fast a skater you are, if you don't play this game

with a big heart and a big bag of knuckles in front of the net,

you don't got dinky-do.

He'll see you now.

Thank you for seeing me, Mister... Little Richard.

This is an honour. May I?

Little Richard, I'm from Mystery.

Now, this is a little town that derives much of its esteem from hockey.

I was wondering, when you're singing the national anthem...

-Well... -I'm cold.

Yes.

Which makes what I'm about to ask seem like a monumental request.

Okay, everybody, get your newspapers here.

-One newspaper apiece. Hi. -Hi. Enjoy the game.

Hello. I'm Doug McLeod, and with me is NHL Hall of Famer

and two-time Stanley Cup winner, Phil Esposito.

It's the Great Alaskan Hockey Rush.

Brought to you live by the National Hockey League

and the Sports Broadcasting Corporation,

pitting the New York Rangers against a Cinderella team

from the tiny town of Mystery, Alaska.

And here come the red, white and blue.

Look at this! Wow. No respect. I love it.

And here come the boys of winter.

All right!

Well, there are only 11 skaters to the Rangers' 18,

but also it's minus 10 outside.

Well, that kind of cold can be rough on the New Yorkers.

There's no doubt about it,

but Mystery's going to need more than the cold on their side.

Yeah, Stevie!

The town's grocer is their best scorer,

their fastest guy is a high-school kid,

and the captain is the town sheriff.

Like we say, folks, this is a small town.

And the size of this ice surface could be an equalizer for the Mystery team.

It'll definitely help. I've never seen ice this big.

It's even bigger than the Olympic rinks.

And now, to sing the national anthem, the one, the only, Little Richard!

Tutti Frutti!

This is great, huh?

Oh, say can you see

By the dawn's early light

What so proudly...

Camera three, stay off the Rangers. They look miserable.

I think they're freezing already.

Why the hell is he singing so goddamn slow?

...and the home of the

Brave

Wow! Maybe the cold slowed him down.

Beautiful. All right, the starting line-ups for both teams. In goals...

O Canada

Oh, great.

This is starting to piss me off.

Let's play hockey.

Where does it say Canadian national anthem?

We stand on guard for thee

You all right?

-The Mystery team has a shot, right? -A shot at what?

Hey, listen, buddy.

Do you know where a guy can get a rub and a tug around here?

What?

Here we go. Let's play hockey.

All the hoopla is over. The puck drops here.

Jackson dumps Banks and gets the draw. Back to Billy Wasson.

He moves up and gives back to Jackson.

He takes it wide and gains the Mystery zone.

Down the boards with Lane checking Jackson around the net.

Back to Wasson, wide open.

Shoots! What a save by Holt!

Get it out, guys! Get it out!

Mystery is rattled. They're running around like a house league.

Don't chase! Don't chase!

Jackson controls again. Over to Kangrapool.

He moves it to Wasson, over to Robertson.

Nifty toe drag around Banks. Shoots! And a save by Holt.

Shit.

Rangers in control. Holt with another save!

-It's a shooting gallery out there! -Wasson, a shot. Jackson shooting.

Finally, Holt controls the rebound.

He dishes it around behind the net for John Biebe.

And the team captain holds it there.

Rangers press as Mystery breaks out.

Biebe a no-look to Banks in the corner.

And Banks fires the pass.

Here comes Weeks. He is behind the advance.

It is one-on-one on Sam Gainer.

It is a two-man hockey game right here!

He dekes left, goes right, shoots! Scores!

Weeks scores on the breakaway, and Mystery leads, one to nothing.

-That's cool! -Unbelievable.

-One step and he was gone. -That kid can actually fly.

Two minutes into the first period, Mystery gets on the board first,

and this home crowd is going crazy.

Here we go at centre ice. Rangers win again.

Dump and chase into the Mystery zone.

Biebe back to get it.

Neskoromny on the porch. And hard! He stamps the captain into the screen!

High sticking, fuck shit!

No!

So much for a friendly exhibition game.

Play the man!

Mystery has settled a bit, but the Rangers continue to control.

This is Ranger hockey.

Wasson's back for a shot, and Winetka steals!

Here comes the odd-man rush. It is Ben and Galin Winetka.

Look at the passing!

Tinker Connolly trailing. Drop, pass, shot.

-Saved by Gainer! -Shit!

He moves it around to Yeaton. Swings a pass on the take to LaViolette.

Oh, yes! Tree! Wow!

-Great hit. -Did you see that? That's my Tree!

And some Rangers take exception to that hit.

Hey, that's it. You're gone.

Knock it off. Back off.

Hey, that one's too small. Next time send me a bigger one.

The biggest one you got.

Knock it off. That'll be enough.

Come on, this is your puck!

Banks wins the draw. Over to Marden, up toward Burns.

And here they come, five on four!

Burns lays it behind the net to Weeks.

Now, Mystery sets off on the power play in the Ranger zone.

They're looking to find Connor Banks.

He is the sniper. Biebe. Banks.

One-timer! Scores!

Yes!

Yeah!

Connor Banks and a one-timer from Biebe! Wow!

Great pass! Great pass!

And it's Mystery two and the Rangers zero.

This kid, Connor, has got a shot like a bullet.

I mean, he's a grocery clerk, for crying out loud.

The Rangers look stunned, Doug.

We're pinning them down, guys! Two-nothing. Come on, let's keep it up!

No one can hack like lumberjacks.

Donnie, the Mystery boys, two unanswered goals in the first period.

Jimmy, you gotta love these kids. God knows I do.

What is going on? Somebody lit a fire under their ass.

This is A-number one, first-class hockey.

And you know I'm not a fan of that tippy-tappy, tic-tac-toe,

wide-open skating, you know.

But I'm telling you, some pretty goals. I'm loving these kids.

I want to adopt them.

How's that? I want to clean them up and raise them as my own.

Someone who's not surprised, Brian,

Donna Biebe, wife of captain John Biebe.

-Well, what a period. -Yes, it was.

What's it like seeing your husband out there with the New York Rangers?

It's great. It's something, actually.

Did you see your daddy out there?

I have a toy pony. He takes big shits.

Excellent. Back to you.

Defencemen, use each other as outlets.

-Yes, Coach! -Hunt in corners!

They're not that good. We can beat these guys.

-They're not that good! -You're damn right we can!

-Yeah! -Come on, let's go!

Ready, four? Take four.

Come on, Stevie!

Stevie Weeks, on the move. Carries out of his own zone.

Look out!

...rips the head off Weeks, over the boards

and into the Ranger bench! Wow!

And now they help Weeks back onto the ice in that New York way.

-Give me my stick! -Go back to your mama, boy!

Man, he's lucky to get out of there alive.

Well, the Rangers have stepped it up, Phil.

Coach Higgins must have had one of his screaming fits between periods.

Now, look at this. The Rangers are platooning back and forth

between that warm dressing room.

Well, that's something I've never seen.

That's not legal. Is that legal? That's not legal.

The Rangers continue the pressure.

Pick up the man in front!

Score!

And the Rangers are finally on the board.

Let's go, guys. Let's go. Let's go!

Rangers on another rush. Three on two, wide across the ice.

Back into the slot, shot, score!

The slap shot beats Holt on the stick side,

and that ties it up at two.

Put a body in front of him!

Rangers go back to work now. Robertson to Wasson.

Here's Kangrapool behind the net to Rory.

Out front, Jackson shooting! Scores!

That's hockey!

It's really starting to unravel for Mystery.

They just lost their composure, and now they are paying for it.

Rangers take their first lead of the game, three to two,

with 12 and a half minutes left in the period.

And back comes Mystery. Birdie Burns with Biebe.

Burns shooting!

-What the fuck was that? -Biebe torpedoed into the net!

That sets off another scuffle.

Hey, fuck you!

He's back up and rejoins the play.

Burns carries through centre ice. He's got Banks on the wing.

Pass to the middle. Robertson catches it.

What a hit!

-Is he all right? -I don't know.

Birdie Burns is caught trying to do it all by himself

and he got his wings trimmed right there, man.

Birdie. You don't pass, you sit.

Now Skank Marden carries out.

Hooked by Neskoromny, Marden goes down.

-Rangers score! -What the hell was that?

Marden was hooked.

What, are you crazy? How many times is he gonna hook me?

You get back in your net!

You stay on your feet!

And another Ranger line comes back warm from the locker room.

Holt comes out, and sheriff's deputy Bobby Michan goes in at goal.

Saved! Michan stacks the pads!

And Mystery comes streaking back the other way.

The Winetkas lead the way. They gain the zone.

Back over the blue line. And it's intercepted!

-Jackson's on a breakaway! -Centre ice in, Lane chases.

No way.

Jackson dekes, scores!

Five unanswered goals, and the Rangers are steamrolling.

We'll be right back with the third period.

Different story in the second period.

The Rangers have all the momentum now.

Five straight goals.

I feel really bad for these boys, Jimmy. I really do.

Nobody told them it was just a show.

There's still a period to go, 20 minutes. Any hope at all?

I hate to say it. They're done like dinner.

Bullshit.

Hey, we're on the air.

Don't panic. Don't panic.

We'll get our shots. We're not out.

Balls to the walls, huh?

You're gonna need some stitches, John.

After.

Oh, Jesus. I can't hold a stick.

It might be broken.

Well, tape it, 'cause I'm not coming out.

Tape it.

We'll look at it after the game, all right?

Okay.

-You all right, John? -Yeah.

Here's what I want. One man in, wings on wings.

Nobody pinches. Trap the neutral zone.

-Why? We're down. -I want to keep the score close.

As long as it's not a rout, we go home winners.

Now, if we gain the zone, you get across the blue line, you dump.

-Send in only the first guy. -What are you talking about?

-I'm talking about we're beaten. -We're not beaten.

I'm not beaten! We're in this game!

Anybody here tired?

-No. -No.

-Anybody fucking tired? -No.

No! Not tired.

-Holt? -I'm just warming up, Sheriff.

-Connor? -I'm ready, John.

-Birdie, you with us? -Yup.

Good. 'Cause the Rangers are starting to breathe through their mouths.

Their strides are getting shorter. Do not give these guys too much respect.

They didn't pull a dog sled, did they?

-No. -No.

They didn't skate the river, did they?

-No. -No.

Forget about that fucking circus out there.

That's still black ice. This is our pond.

-You're goddamn right. -That's right.

Biebe's right. We got to take it to these guys.

It's our pond, guys.

110% percent, guys! Let's do it!

-Let's take it. -Heads up.

This is our pond.

Nice assist.

Mystery is hoping the cold of night will stem this Ranger tide.

Get it, John!

But the Rangers are right back on the attack.

And a huge hit by Biebe!

It's payback time, and that one's for Stevie Weeks.

Face-off on the Rangers' end. Rangers get the draw.

Kangrapool along the boards.

Lane pitches, and the puck squirts free. Jackson's got it!

-Eleven, pick him up! -Come on, boys. Cover it!

He's gone again on another breakaway.

This could really put Mystery away.

They're chasing, but Jackson's all alone.

-Come on! -He's got Holt backing up.

Jackson fakes and shoots! Another huge save by Holt!

Holt stood on his head. I don't think I've ever seen a save like that!

Great save, Holt. Come on, guys.

Come on, Tree. Let's go, baby. Come on, Galin. Let's go now.

Face-off at the Mystery blue line.

Rangers win the draw. Back to Rory.

-And both Winetkas forecheck. -Take it in!

Galin knocks the puck loose to brother Ben, and he carries it into the zone.

Connolly trails. He has it in the slot. Shooting... Scores!

And he rips the shot over Gainer's glove!

That makes it five to three, and Mystery has a pulse again.

But the Rangers control the puck.

Back to Wasson. He winds for the shot.

Marden drops to block, and oh, my God!

Oh, man, does that got to hurt.

Oh, Mommy.

He really took one in the seeds for the team, you know what I mean?

Mystery gets the loose puck and heads the other way.

Now Marden is slow to get up.

And, Phil, you don't see a guy just lie down

in front of a Billy Wasson 90-mile-an-hour slap shot very often.

Mystery is giving everything they've got, though. This is great hockey.

Everybody in!

As soon as you cross the blue line, Holt, you come, Skank, you go.

Three men on the puck. Defence, you gotta pinch!

Throw it at the net. Everybody's gotta crash.

-Come on, let's go! -Right with you, sir.

-Hang if you have to, Connor. -Got it.

Blow it out your ass.

-Plenty of time. Plenty of time. Let's go! -Come on, guys! Let's go!

A minute 26, two goals down, and time is running out for Mystery.

Desperation time, Doug. Look for Burns to pull their goalie.

They want to get that extra attacker into the play.

Come on! It's not over!

Mystery! Mystery!

-Mystery! Mystery! -Mystery! Mystery!

Let's rock, boys. Let's get it going!

-Mystery! Mystery! -Mystery! Mystery!

And Banks wins it. Biebe carries. And there goes Holt.

Six attackers. The net's empty.

On the wing to Weeks. He gains the zone.

And here comes Mystery. Let's see how they work the puck.

From right wing to right point, and now down low to Birdie Burns.

Here comes Burns, working for a shot. He's gonna shoot.

No, he passes the puck to Biebe! Shoots! Score!

Biebe scores off a great pass from Birdie Burns.

Five to four, Mystery down by one, and now, 43 seconds to play.

It's not over yet!

Who would have ever guessed it would get to this?

-Did you see that? -Yes!

Mystery, Alaska, one goal away from tying the New York Rangers.

Come on! One more! One more!

Don't rush the shot.

Three men across the blue line. Skank, you in the middle.

-Yeah. -Work it down low,

look for Connor. Don't rush it.

Forty-three seconds, and then the rest of your lives.

Forty-three seconds. You own that time.

It's your time. Am I right?

-Right on! -Take it! Take it!

Mystery's gonna keep their goalie on the bench.

Six on five, with the empty net behind.

I love it, Doug. They're going for it. Everything's on the line!

This is what this game's all about.

Rangers win the draw. Robertson for the empty net!

And he just missed it!

Plenty of time! Plenty of time!

Biebe slowing it down behind the net.

-Stay high. -Yeah.

All the way in, Stevie.

Now, Weeks takes it and carries it on down the wing.

This kid still has got the jets.

Yes! Yes!

They'll be working to free up Connor Banks in the slot.

Here comes Mystery. Banks trying to get free.

Biebe's got him! Here comes Connor Banks!

He's got a shot!

Wow.

Mystery! Mystery!

Great game, Son.

Great game, Judge.

-Stevie! -Hey.

-I can't believe you're leaving. -I know.

We never even had sex.

-I'll be back in a couple of months. -You better.

For real?

Can you believe it?

-Oh, man! -Yeah, I know.

Your little garden is gonna have fun.

There's some serious turnip to hoe in New York City.

I'm not going to the New York Rangers right away.

They're sending me to Binghamton. It's like the AHL.

-Yeah! -Nice.

-Stevie Weeks, too? -Yeah.

Both to Binghamton, huh? Two-way contracts.

To start with.

They'll make it. They won't be coming back.

Shame they couldn't take Skank with them, huh?

Well, good for you, John.

You'll be back in the Saturday game, then.

Yeah. Until you can find a way to bump me again.

All right, folks. Gotta go.

-Love to stay, but gotta go. -You're not going on the helicopter?

No. There's no room on that thing.

I got a car waiting to take me to Fairbanks.

-Hey, Charlie. -Yeah?

Thank you.

Yeah.

I'm gonna say goodbye to Connor.

He's a...

You got a great family there.

-I do. -Yeah.

Well, we don't have to say goodbye, really. I hope to be back in June.

Don't bring the Yankees.

I love you.

-Bye. -Bye.

John.

Bye!

So that blocked shot must have really hurt, huh?

Not too bad.

'Cause I have three hours till my crew's ready to leave.