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(phone dictation start beep) (end beep)

(start beep) The address--

(stop beep)

(start beep) There's nothing here, the address is— (stop beep)

(start beep)

There's nothing here, I need the address— (engine groans)

(stop beep)

(start beep)

There-- There's nothing here, I need the address. (stop beep)

(engine clangs) Fuck!

(engine knocking)

(new engine sound)

(more engine sounds)

Fuck!

So I’m lost… Fuck it, I’ll just get high.

Deck the halls with boughs of holly.

(giggles) Fa la la la, la la…

(hums)

(owl hoots)

Hey little fella, what are you doing?

On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me

Ah! Give me back my shoe!

Ah goddamnit! Messing up the suit.

(bones crunch)

Hello?

(gravelly laughter)

-Camp Blackwood. Camp Blackwood… going to kill them…

Partridge in a…

pear... tree…

(gravelly laughter)

[pulsing synthwave music]

(cell phone rings)

This is Tim. Don't waste my time.

-Hi Timmy. How are you? How’ve you been?

-Oh hey babe. Fine.

-Oh that’s so good. Um…

How's your new job? -Yeah, we'll see.

-You'll see how good the job is? That—

I believe in you babe. I think…

I think you're going to do really good in this new position.

-No telling. I can handle whatever they throw my way though.

-I can show you something I can throw at you.

-I'm just going to working all the time. I don't know when I'd be able to see you.

I don't think I could handle being so close to you without spending all my time with you.

-What am I supposed to do? Just wait here for you?

-All goes according to plan...

10 weeks.

-That’s so long!

-Not as long as me though.

-Oh? Oh yeah?

-And you love it.

-I do.

Is there anything I can do to maybe like,

Help you while you’re alone and gone?

For 10 weeks.

-Send me a pic of your sexy self.

-Oh, uh, he… I don’t really look…

Good right now. I’m just kinda sitting here in the house.

-That's not true babe. You always look good.

Come on. Let me see what I'm missing.

-Yeah, if you think I always look good just, um…

Will you pull over first?

And then I'll send you a picture.

Something really special.

-Alright I’m pulled over.

-Are you really pulled over though?

-It'll be alright babe, there's no one on the road.

-Because sometimes I think you say things and

I don't know if you're being serious or not. It just seems like…

I don't want to say you're lying but--

-I don't have time for this babe.

-It seems like maybe you're not telling telling the truth.

Are you really pulled over? I didn't hear anything.

-Alright, I'm stopped.

-Okay.

Did you get that?

-I'm not seeing anything.

-No?

Well I...

I took a picture of myself.

Like, you know, like...

Myself, uh, like down there. You didn’t get that?

-Nothing's coming through.

[Orderly] Tammy Its time to hang up.

The doctor’s going to be in to see you soon.

-Uh babe, I… I have to…

Get off the phone real quick but, um—

Alright, alright. Yep yep, sorry.

(phone clicks)

-Who the Hell was that?

-Back off man!

Sorry buddy, didn't mean to startle you. -Yeah watch the paint!

-Are you headed to "Santa's Snow Camp"?

-Who's asking? -My name's Eddie.

I got hired there as an elf. Do you work there too?

-How do I know you aren't bullshitting me Ed?

-That’s a fair question.

And you can call me Eddie.

Here's an e-mail proving I work there.

You can never be too careful, right?

What's your name?

-Tim.

-And you're headed to camp?

-What if I am?

-Well, it's really cold and I would just really appreciate it if you could give me a ride.

-Your car break down or something? How'd you get all the way out here?

-Well I’ve been hitchhiking most of the way but,

I've been hoofing it since that intersection back there and…

Look, can I at least sit in there and warm up some?

-Sorry Ed, I don't think I've got enough room for you and your bag.

I'll see you at camp though.

Great.

10 weeks with that asshole.

(engine revs) (squirrel screams)

-Well, I'm not working yet.

Thank you so much for stopping.

My name’s Eddie and I'm headed to camp.

Here's an e-mail proving I work there.

-Woah there Eddie. You're putting off some real weird energy right now.

-I'm sorry. It’s just really cold and no one has been willing to give me a ride.

-Give the poor man a break Katie, he seems nice.

-Most serial killers do at first.

-I'm not a serial killer. Scout's honor.

-Alright, I guess.

-Hop on in Eddie. We're headed to camp too.

-Thank you so much!

I can't tell you how much I appreciate this.

Good to meet you Katie and... -Sheila.

My name is Sheila.

-Sheila. Thank...

-Anytime. -Thank, thank you.

-What are we waiting for? You want me to take over?

-Shut up, or I'm shipping you back to mom and dad.

[Eddie] You two are sisters?

-Not by choice!

So what's your story Eddie?

Why are you a grown ass man hitchhiking in the middle of nowhere?

Don't mind her, she thinks she's clever for messing with people.

[Katie] Men. I love fucking with men.

-And I keep telling you, you're too young to be doing that.

-Ugh, whatever.

[Eddie] I don't mind being messed with.

Not yet you don't.

Give it a day or two and you'll be begging for mercy.

[Katie] Ooh, I love it when they beg.

Now, back to the questions Eddie.

[Eddie] Like why am I hitchhiking?

-Yeah!

Don't you own a car?

-Nope, I sold it.

-Why?

-Just making some changes. Doing some downsizing.

-Midlife crisis?

-Not yet.

I got a few years to go before that.

-Give it a rest Katie.

-What? It's just a question!

-Yeah, well it's not really any of your business.

-Well he doesn't seem to mind.

-I'd say something if I wasn't okay.

But I appreciate your concern.

-Okay.

-So what made you want to sign up for this gig?

-I needed a job and,

this seemed like something that wouldn't stress me out at the end of the day.

-Really? You don't think dealing with busloads of screaming kids will be stressful?

-Not really.

I worked as a school teacher for a year

and figured out you just have to give them something to focus their energy on.

It's when they're bored that they start getting rambunctious.

-I'm gonna start calling you "The Kiddie Whisperer".

-I worked with a guy who was called that.

And I think he's in jail now.

What about you two? Why'd you sign up

-She actually put me onto it.

I had some shakeups in my life this year and,

I needed to make some changes of my own.

-What sort of shakeups? If that's not too personal.

-No, its cool.

I was working in an office for a while and realized I was in a rut and,

it was time to leave.

-Time to leave is right.

No more putting up with other people's bullshit!

-Yeah, well, better late than never I guess.

Took me long enough.

-Hey hey hey, we agreed,

no pity partying on this trip.

It took you as long as it took you and now it’s behind you.

You're an independent woman on the go, making changes,

going boss bitch.

Tell my sister what a boss bitch she is.

-I mean, I've seen nothing on the contrary.

-Eddie, if you can't follow simple instructions we're going to have problems.

-Sheila...

It's so easy to let the mistakes you’ve made hold you hostage,

It takes courage to make changes.

And I hope wherever you’re going, you learn from your experiences,

forgive your missteps, and go forth

knowing what a boss bitch you truly are.

-Thanks, that's sweet of you to say.

-Ooooh! I know what that look means.

My sister's totally crushing on you!

Alright, nice talking to you Eddie.

I'm going to put on a podcast or something.

-There's not a lot of people here yet. Are we early or something?

-Only 10-15 minutes.

-That's pretty early in my book.

This place looks janky as fuck.

-I'm willing to hold off judgement until after orientation.

You two want to head over?

-What's the rush?

I thought you said we were early.

I just don't like being late.

-Well then, nothing's stopping you. -Chill out Katie.

-What? We've been in the car for hours.

I don't see why I can't take a minute to stretch.

-It's your tone. You sound angry and confrontational.

-Well maybe I am.

-I'm sorry, teenagers.

-No need to apologize. I get it.

Do you need help with your bags?

-Thanks, I think we got it.

Why don't you go ahead and we'll catch up?

-Yeah, sounds good.

Thanks for the ride.

-You’re welcome.

What was that?

-Here, hold this.

Gotcha. -Katie!

What?!

-You don't think you were a little rough on him?

-He'll be fine. I needed to see if dude could hang.

Besides, he's clearly into you.

-You won't have to work hard to get some.

-I know that. I just...

wasn't expecting it.

I don't know if I'm ready.

Well, nothing says you've gotta hop in the sack immediately.

Go at your own pace.

Maybe get to know the Kiddie Whisperer a little better.

Alright, let's do this.

-Hello?

-Welcome.

Excuse me.

You must be Katie and Sheila.

My name’s Maggie, I’m event director here at Santa's Snow Camp.

-I'm Sheila. This is Katie.

-Hi. -It's a pleasure.

Would you both mind signing in?

If you would take your name tags and please proceed to the main hall,

orientation is about to begin.

-Is…

This place seems pretty empty. Is everyone here?

[Maggie] Nearly.

["Glitter Kitten" by Sugar Shock]

-To a fallen comrade.

[belches] Woah.

[menacing industrial dirge]

What the fuck?

Hello?

Is anybody here?

Hello?

Hello?

Great. Some fucking lame-o is gonna get me fired on the first day.

Asshole doesn't know how to park.

What the fuck?

[pained shouts]

[zipper unzips]

[urination]

[Clown] Lame-o asshole.

-If I could have your attention please. We are currently one elf short,

but for the sake of time we've decided to start orientation anyway.

So, if you could please turn your attention to the stage,

and please join me in a round of applause for... SANTA CLAUS!

[scattered applause] -Ho ho ho!

Welcome friends.

Welcome friends, ho ho ho.

And welcome to Santa's Snow Camp!

[jolly laughter]

I am so pleased...

that you've all decided to join my team of little elves,

and help us turn this camp into a winter wonderland!

Ho, ho, ho!

Well now, we're going to be...

pleasing families far and wide...

very, very, very soon.

Now, I know...

take it from me,

that giving back to your community,

Is probably the best feeling in the world.

So you're all going to be on my nice list.

Ho ho ho!

-Does anyone else feel like this is a bit over the top?

-Hmm? Oh excuse me miss? Ha!

Do you have a question?

-Uh, no. I was just saying that this feels a bit over the top.

-Oh, ha ha ha, well,

there's no need to be a...

E-bone-neezer Scrooge is there? Ha ha ha!

-I'm not being a Scrooge. I'm just saying, uh...

Why not save the pageantry for the customers?

I mean, we know the job that we're here to do.

-Settle down little miss.

You know, if you keep it up,

your going to get some coal in your stocking this year.

-Alright dude chill out. You're not really Santa.

-Leave Santa alone you naughty bitch.

-Nobody asked you!

-Thank you young man. Ha!

-Santa fucks children.

-You son of a bitch!

I will roast my chestnuts on your chin!

-Okay there. -And rapes men apparantly.

-Okay there Santa, calm it down a little bit.

-Yeah, reign that jolly old cuck in.

Why don't you stop screaming shit from the nosebleeds,

and come down and say it to his face? Huh tough guy?

Exactly.

And I don't pay you to fight with the employees.

-Well you don't pay me to take their shit either.

-Of course I do.

Just stop being such a sensitive asshole. Go...

take a break. Get a candy cane or some shit.

Hello everyone and welcome aboard.

My name is Jackson Pid and I am the owner,

of Santa's Snow Camp.

I am so excited to have each and every one of you here,

to assist in the monumental launch,

of what I know,

will be one of the greatest

holiday attractions in the continental U S of A.

You are our very first hires.

People who showed not only, a...

deep deep love of the holiday season,

But of the wholesome American image of Santa Claus himself.

I commend you for your dedication to the cause.

Now, I know we're all exhausted from our travels but,

uh, if you could just bear with me for a few moments. Um...

Maggie, um, could you come out please?

Now Maggie has drinks and food for anybody who's interested.

Young lady, I'll give you one of our tasty meals if you can tell us your name,

and the best Christmas present you ever got.

-Hi, I'm Courtney. Um, the best Christmas present I ever got was...

my Hitachi magic wand.

-She know's what's up.

-Courtney it was a pleasure to meet you.

I'll make sure you get a bed next to an outlet.

-Thank you.

-You okay son?

Hey, you're that jerk from earlier.

-You know the terms.

-There are some who call me Tim.

And my favorite Christmas present was your mama's tight holes.

-Jokes on you, my mom died during childbirth.

I assure you, there was nothing tight on that old whore.

Now scurry away prince of dork-ness.

You're up slugger.

-My name is Eddie and the best Christmas present I ever got was GTA 5.

-My name is Sheila-- -Hold up, hold up, hold up.

What the Hell are you trying to feed us?

[Jackson] Mind the flooring! -Dude this is disgusting!

-Look, I apologize everyone.

I have a driver that's missing in action right now. He's got all our supplies.

We're gonna track him down but in the meantime we...

improvised with what we had in the mess hall.

(CHOMP)

-Mmm. This is delicious.

-Where the fuck did you get that?

-Hmm? Oh, I brought this.

There's not enough to share with everyone. Sorry.

-Again, I apologize for the inconvenience.

I'm going to step out for a moment and see if I can locate our driver.

In the meantime, why don't you guys take a break.

Uh, have a beverage and I'll be with you as soon as possible.

Uh, Maggie, can you join me in the hallway please?

Have you heard from Carl yet?

-No, I haven't. The cell reception is spotty out here,

and the lodge hasn't been wired for internet access yet.

-Shit.

Alright...

I need you to find him... and the van.

Can you do that for me?

-Yes?

-You... are doing one hell of a job.

I hope you know that. -Thanks...

-Anytime.

I have to make a, uh... call. Um...

Let me know what you find out. -Okay.

(angry gibberish)

(squeaky gibberish)

-Anyone else getting a bad feeling about any of this?

-It's not looking promising.

When is this place supposed to be open?

-The e-mail said it would be open in about 3 weeks.

-This camp will never open.

-Oh great, Santa's back.

-My name's Gary.

[Katie] Why do you say this place will never open?

-Because it's cursed.

[Tim] Oh give me a fucking break.

-I'll break you.

-Either make out or shut up. -You shut--

-Everybody shut up!

Gary, will you please tell us why you said this place is cursed?

-Because it is.

-Right, I get that.

But places become cursed for a reason. Why is this camp cursed?

-Because of the clown murders.

[Katie] Did you say clown murders?

-How many clowns were murdered?

-Like 14 or 15.

No one knows for sure.

-Who killed them all?

-Usually the people that are left over after the clown kills a bunch of folks.

-Were those people clowns too?

-No, no no.

Only the clowns are clowns.

-Oh, this conversation makes me want to die.

-I'll murder you clowns.

-I'll murder your cock. Ha ha.

-Okay, what's your fucking deal Gary?

You have to realize everybody can hear you, right?

-Oh, I only care if you're listening.

-You sound sexually frustrated.

-Yeah... I am pretty sexually frustrated.

-I take it back. Let's see where this goes.

-Everybody relax.

Look... Gary.

I'm sorry you're frustrated in the way that you are,

but that seems like a problem for a different day, with someone better qualified.

Right now, you are the only person that knows anything about this place's history.

Just tell us what you know.

-Okay.

45 years ago...

A guy named Stanley Cunningham killed his wife and her lover.

And buried them...

over in the forest by Camp Blackwood.

All while dressed as a clown.

The locals started to call this Camp Blood.

And the rumor was that the clown was still around.

20 years after that...

A woman wearing a clown mask slaughtered a group of campers.

She was trying to bring back the legend of Stanley Cunningham,

and scare away tourists.

Instead, that resulted in waves of

cultists and copycat killers,

and true crime fanatics, and other yahoos

to descend on this area in a plague of violence, and mayhem, and tragedy...

for 25 years.

-Whomp whomp.

-Don't be so insensitive.

-Don't be so sensitive. He's probably making it all up.

Every place like this has some campfire story about a murderous local legend.

-I wouldn't lie to you.

Unless of course it's to get in Tim's pants.

-Oh!

Carl?

Dear lord! Carl get out here.

If you hit something you have to file an accident report.

I don't appreciate...

Ahhh! -Lady...

Please help me.

-Thank you again for everybody's patience. Um...

I hope you all got a chance to get to know each other a little better, have a drink.

Why don't we grab our things and I'll show you where you're staying.

Everything alright?

-You tell us Jackson. Is everything okay?

-Look...

I already apologized for...

the van. We're looking for the driver now.

He has a full load of food, as well as Christmas decorations.

We'll have it all sorted out by dinner. It's fine.

-We're not worried about dinner. Tell us about Camp Blood.

(car idles) (muffled screams)

-You suck clown.

(gear shift moves) (engine revs)

(muffled screams) (body dragging)

(skin ripping)

(flesh tearing)

(bone cracking)

-Look, I'm not going to bullshit you.

I mean, I know...

This camp has a checkered past.

That's why I bought the place.

This...

Unfortunate tragic situation has affected my family.

A few years ago my cousin Rudy was murdered here.

And, I just figured by opening...

Santa's Snow Camp...

I could kind of erase the memory of...

Camp Blood.

Make it someplace where people can go to be happy.

Celebrate joy and wonder.

Now I get it, I'm human.

You guys don't have as much stake in this as I do.

I mean, for me...

It's personal.

But when I saw each and every one of your resumes...

I knew that you were all people...

That could help, um...

Basically build this dream and make...

Make it something so important.

I'm asking you...

As a man self-possessed...

"Will you help me...

Do something... that is...

True... and just?"

-Fuck this. I'm out.

-That's no surprise.

-Bye Tim.

-Two hundred dollar bonus...

To anyone who stays.

Fifty dollars now.

$150 at open of camp.

Alright. Well, now that that's settled...

Gather your stuff.

Let me show you where you'll be staying.

-What do you think's going on over there?

-I don't know but dude seems super sketch.

Hey, could you hold my bag really quick?

I need to go get my tampons.

[Jackson] What the hell did you tell them?

-The truth.

-Why would you do that? -Well, uh...

They asked. -Who did?

Next time don't be so fucking honest.

You have a limited timeframe,

to get done what needs to be done.

-And it's going to get done if you could just stop...

wasting my time.

-Go see what the curious one is up to.

-Man, this guy really likes making us wait.

-You act like you've got something better to do.

-Don't you?

-Yeah, I do. It's in my bag. Right here.

And as soon as I have access to power and privacy...

I'm going to do that better something.

-You know, I could help you with that if you'd like.

I don't have the sort of power requirements it does.

-Yeah, you can't reach 6300 RPMs either though.

-Prove me wrong.

-You know, you might have had a chance earlier,

if you wouldn't have been such an asshole.

-When was I an asshole?

-Like you really have to ask.

You called me a naughty bitch back there.

-You trying to tell me you're not a naughty bitch?

-Well...

I'm not necessarily saying that.

-You know, I would die to be inside you.

-Are you hungry? I saved half my sandwich for you if you'd like.

-Really? That's... sweet of you.

Maybe later if food hasn't arrived.

How are you doing?

Uh, you seem a little out of it.

-Hmm? Oh, uh...

When I thought I'd have to walk all that way...

I had a gummy and I'm kinda ripped.

-What? You holding out on me?

-Would you like one?

-Yes please.

Thank you. -My pleasure.

-Whatcha looking for?

-Uh, just a phone charger.

-Oh, I don't-- there's no point in that.

There's no cell reception here anyway.

-That's okay, couldn't find it anyways.

-Oh.

-Please move. -Well...

I need your help with something.

-I'm not helping you with your sexual frustration.

-Oh, hahaha.

You're not my type.

See, the delivery van is here.

And I think we should take as much as we can out of it.

Take it back to the camp.

-Oh. -See, just right over there.

-Fuck... you...

Gary...

-Ah, you're going to be a delicious offering.

-Hoo hoo, yeah!

-Where are we going? -We'll know when we get there.

Now shh.

-Need a pelvic exam?

-Turn off the lights.

[Tim] Rectal exam?

-Turn off the fucking lights.

Turn them on.

[smooth R&B synth]

That exam is to be administered orally.

-I hear there's tons of hiking trails around here.

-Oh yeah? -Yeah, I'm kind of excited to...

See them, ya know? -Yeah I--

-I am so sorry for the wait guys.

Um...

Where's vibrator girl and the littlest edge lord?

-They got tired of waiting and went off on their own.

-Haha, thank God.

-Woah! What the fuck are you doing?

[Jackson] What I have to.

Now shut your mouths and get upstairs now.

-No!

-I'm not fucking around. Now go!

-Katie! [Jackson] Watch it!

No sudden movements, keep going.

-If anything happened to my sister I'll-- -Yeah yeah yeah. Just...

Fucking walk.

Get your ass up there.

Now remember kids, no funny business.

-She's fine. She's just been given a sedative.

(Gary grunts)

-Oh I still got him.

[Jackson] Tie them up.

-Hands behind your back...

Pack. -Fuck you.

[Sheila] Leave him alone!

-You'll do exactly as I say unless you want to watch me

do terrible things to your little sister. Now hands behind your fucking back!

[Jackson] Where's the knapsack?

[Gary] Right there.

[Jackson] Everyone accounted for? [Gary] Uhhh...

Maggie's missing.

But so is your car. Uh...

I think she just, jetted.

-Huh, fuck. Well I mean...

At least she doesn't know anything. [Gary] Right.

Oh, uh, and Donovan...

The last employee.

I guess last names are optional.

He never showed, but the delivery van is here.

There's just no sign of Carl.

-Are you fucking kidding me? Why are you not out looking for Carl?

-Just go, I've got this handled.

Uh, no, I've got this handled. Go!

[Latin] -Scurra vivat aeternum.

-E pluribus unum.

[Jackson] Where the fuck do you think you're going?

-I have more to prepare and I thought you had this handled.

-You know, you and "Jamungo" have been a tremendous help so far.

But don't think I'm not onto your little games.

-I don't know what you're talking about.

-Don't you? You fucked with Gary during his presentation.

You fucked with me during mine.

I have enough to worry about without dealing with your fucking bullshit.

If it continues...

I'm going to take my gun and shove it up your,

Juggle fucking asshole. You understand me?

-Let me go.

[Jackson] What?

-Why are you doing this?

[Jackson] Did you really believe...

That anyone would come to a holiday based attraction,

Someplace that multiple people had been murdered?

I mean, shit, I might as well have tried to open a paintball course at Columbine.

No.

You can't take something horrific...

and turn it into something wondrous.

And that's why I'm opening...

The Camp Blood Ghost Tour.

-What does any of that have to do with us?

-Well...

What better way to drum up business than with a new massacre?

-You're going to kill us to launch a haunted house?!

[Jackson] Of course not.

You are.

[Gary] Carl?

Carl!

Quit fucking around Carl!

Carl! (glass shatters)

Carl?

Carl...

Quit screwing around.

Ahh, jeez... the fuck?

[Clown] Gary.

Garrrryyyy.

G-g-g-Gary.

-Carl?

Carl?!

Come on, who is out there?

Who is fucking with me?

If I find you...

I'm going to shove this bat...

So far up my--

So far up your ass...

You're going to be picking splinters

Out of your esophagus!

Hehe, that's your throat!

[Clown] Not my ass.

-Holy shit...

You are real!

[Clown] Holy shit...

You're dead!

-Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck...

(demented laughter)

-Well, how do I look?

[Eddie] Organized. [Sheila] Like an asshole.

-Alright now. Sit still.

-Don't come near me with that thing. -Ah, now...

I need you to cooperate, otherwise things are going to get very hard for you and...

There going to get really hard for her, hahaha.

Alright, let's just get you set up here.

Aww.

Good girl.

Ahh! Son of a...

(muffled laughter)

This is your fault.

I warned you-- [Courtney] Enough!

[Sheila] You bastard! Ahh!

-What are you...? You went backstage to do your makeup?

-I wanted to be ready for him.

-Ready for who?

-Him.

-What the fuck Gary? Did you find Carl?

Awww! Gah!

-I have spilled blood in your name.

-What the fuck? You goddamn cooz.

You work for me.

You're... you're not Gary.

[Clown] Neither are you!

[Clown] Is it you who called to me in the darkness?

Speak! -Yes!

It was me.

From the light, I seek a guide into the darkness.

From the land of the living I reach out...

To the dead.

Carry my words to the soul who has spilled so much blood...

Upon this soil.

With this blood may you no longer be bound to the afterlife.

Hear my words and rise again.

Please...

Accept these poor souls as my offering to you.

[Clown] Gladly.

-Oh!

Ugh.

[Tim] Oh shit!

Stay back! [Sheila] Katie?!

-No, please don't!

-What now oh dark one? What suffering--

[Clown] First, we must prepare for your final offering.

[Eddie] This isn't happening. This isn't real.

This isn't happening. This isn't real.

This isn't--

(fiendish laughter)

Wake up! Wake up!

[Courtney] When laughter in the light turns to screams in the dark...

The Camp Blood killer seeks more bodies to carve.

-Wake up! (crazed laughter)

Wake up.

(hysterical screaming)

(hysterical screaming)

(hysterical screaming)

(hysterical sobbing)

(retching)

-No no no, no no no. You don't get out of it that easily.

(coughing)

-Where's my sister?

-She was getting mouthy so she had to be put in timeout.

-Kill me if you want to but please let he go.

-Now why would I do that?

You get the honor of witnessing a miracle.

-Miracle? What the fuck are you talking about?

-Life out of death.

Oh dark forces...

I offer the fertile soil of my loins,

So that this seed of evil can take purchase.

Let new life spring forth from this dealer of death.

May the clown live forever.

May the clown live forever.

May the clown live forever.

You see?

With our union the heir to Stanley Cunningham's bloody legacy has been conceived.

-You're fucking insane.

-The clown will live eternal.

Stanley Cunningham's bloody legacy will live eternal!

[Clown] I'm not Stanley Cunningham.

-What the Hell do you mean?

I brought back the Camp Blood killer Stanley Cunningham.

[Clown] Stanley Cunningham wasn't the only Camp Blood killer.

[Courtney] Then who the Hell are you?

[Clown] Harris Stanley.

(crazed laughter)

-What?!

No! No no no no no. Harris was a woman.

The resurrection ritual would not have worked if you couldn't produce an heir.

[Clown] I found a way.

-No, this is impossible. No! No no no no.

[Clown] No! My legacy!

-Katie?! Katie where are you?

[Katie] Sheila! -Katie!?

[Katie] Sheila are you there?

-Come on. We need to get to the car.

-Unlock the Sheila!

-Wa-- Wait, I thought you had them!

-They took them! Do you have a spare? -I'd be getting it if I did.

-What about a phone? Can you call the police?

-They took that.

-Well what the fuck are we gonna do? -I don't know!

Katie...

We have to run.

-Sheila I can't run anymore. My foot is killing me.

Just leave me. -Shh. Shut up, I'm not leaving you.

Alright, we just need a way to fight back,

-How are we supposed to kill something that's already dead?

-Courtney said something about a ritual.

Maybe there's one that will undue what she did.

-How the Hell are we supposed to know what that is?

-I don't know, I'm just brainstorming.

-Maybe there's a way to contain them.

[Clown] Contain these nuts!

-My God, it's a car! -Help!

Help! -Stop!

-Help! -Help!

Stop!

Ahhh! Sheila! Ahhh!

Sheila no!

Sheila no! Sheila!

(body thudding) (bones snapping)

(pained groans)

(primal screams)

-Yeah! Fuck that bitch ass clown up.

Yeah, not so terrifying now are you?

(fly unzips)

Sup? Donovan.

-Katie.

-I'd shake your hand but mine have blood and piss all over 'em, so...

-Yeah, I think we've all kinda had a hard day.

[Sheila] (weakly) Katie?

-We need to get to a hospital.

-Hey, just...

Try not to get any blood on the seats.

-I don't smoke cigarettes.

-No, it's weed.

-She's 16.

-Whatever.

[Clown] Clown... will li--