Original subtitles

On today's show, James samples two '70s supercars,

Richard thrashes some spicier Minis,

and I get sideways in the latest Lamborghini.

Hello! Now don't worry, we have got some Minis in the programme as well.

But it is Lamborghini's 40th anniversary this year,

so we thought it would be a good idea

to have a look at some of the cars they made

over the years, and do a bit of a tribute to the maddest car company of them all.

This is the origin of Lamborghini as we know it today.

More than that, it's where the modern supercar begins.

It's the first, the daddy, the Miura.

13th of June, 1967.

That was the day the first Miura arrived in Britain.

And just imagine that body shape coming down your High Street in 1967.

Only the sight of Harold Wilson on LSD could have caused more of a stir.

And as befits the decade that celebrated being young and groovy,

youth created the Miura.

The man who designed its gorgeous body was just 22.

Think about that. What were you doing at 22?

At that age, the cars I was drawing still had guns on them.

The engineers behind him were in their 20s too.

And the Miura wasn't even an official project.

Just seven lads working after hours for the fun of it.

They didn't realise it at the time,

but those seven impetuous young engineers

were about to spark a revolution.

Until then, all seriously fast cars had their big, heavy engines here at the front.

But the Miura had its V12 here, in the middle,

setting the template for all future supercars.

They also mounted the engine sideways rather than lengthways,

to keep the car compact.

Mind you, they nicked that idea from the Mini.

But we'll let them have that one.

There was other radical stuff that didn't see the light of day.

The first design had a three-seater layout, like a McLaren F1.

And it had a glass engine cover, like a Ferrari 360.

This did make it, though. The shape of the doors.

See? They're supposed to look like the horns of a bull. Nice.

So, beautiful and ingenious it may have been,

but in terms of driving, you were still at the wheel

of a bit of a dog's breakfast.

The fuel tank was over the front wheels, so as it ran low on fuel

it went light at the front end, which meant you couldn't steer.

Nice touch, that. Keeps you on your toes.

The interior is, well, tiny. And every now and again the carburettors would

spit petrol onto the hot engine, and the whole thing would go up in flames.

Good.

It is not an easy car to drive.

But, it sounds...

Like that. Oh!

Lamborghini knew their masterpiece wasn't perfect

and they steadily improved it throughout its life,

culminating in this, the SV of 1971.

It had a better gearbox, better differential, better tyres, better rear suspension.

And these better gold wheels. Do you know what it was? It was better.

And like all Miuras, it was the car of choice for a better sort of person.

People like Frank Sinatra, Rod Stewart, and this bloke.

That is such a glorious noise.

Jamiroquai front man Jay Kay is a huge Miura fan.

This car was so ahead of its time, you know.

You can imagine sitting there, in a...

In a Wolseley 1800 or a TR6 in 1972,

and this turns up at the lights, you know. Hopefully with Twiggy in it.

Which would have been delightful. I mean, can you imagine?

I think I'd have fainted.

♪ Get your motor running Head out on the highway

♪ Take whatever comes my way

It's a wonderful, wonderful thing. And I don't buy cars to speculate.

I don't buy cars like these fools, and they hide them away.

The kids today don't see them.

They'll never know what it's like to see a Lamborghini Miura

busting past you at 130-40 miles an hour.

This, to me, shouts out, "Matchbox car, 1972".

- There I am, on the carpet. - You remember it?

You know, I mean, that's what it shouts out to you.

- Now you got a big one. - And there it is. And now I got a big one.

Um, Jay, I did notice there's, uh... There's no window in.

Well, I'll tell you what I did with the window.

- Re-enact it for us. Go on then. - I will re-enact it.

Oh, you closed the door? You mad, impetuous rock star fool.

- You're asking for trouble, Jay! - You know, I mean,

that's rock 'n roll.

The Miura lived a short life, just six years in production, during which time

761 were made. That's all.

But it established Lamborghini in massive style.

My journey in the Miura has brought me from chez Jay Kay

to Duxford Airbase in Cambridgeshire,

because the car has a kindred spirit living here.

There are certain machines that are so radical,

that make such an impact when you see them,

that you know things will never be the same again.

Machines like this. It's the prototype Concorde.

Imagine how people felt the first time this flew overhead.

It looked so different, so breathtaking,

and the thinking behind it was so fresh

that it changed the world.

Concorde did it for planes. The Miura did it for supercars.

As a car, it was flawed.

But as a concept, it was truly a masterpiece.

So, is Jay Kay still smarting about his humiliating defeat on our track?

I can't say for sure, but he went very, very fast in his Miura. So...

But you see, that's the thing. I went even faster with Jodie the other day.

Jodie Kidd made 2,000 miles an hour on Concorde, in fact.

Yeah, all right.

So I managed to win that one too, which actually brings me on to a good point.

What is the best-looking machine ever made by man?

- Spitfire. - Spitfire?

- Beautiful-looking... - Anyone else got any thoughts?

- The Blackbird. - Hold on a minute, say that again.

- The Blackbird. The SR71. - The Blackbird?

The SR71. The spy plane. You familiar with that?

- Yes, I am. - It is an immensely good-looking thing.

What about cars? Come on, best-looking cars then.

- TVR. - TVR? What?

You can't be saying...

Who said TVR? Oh, it was Ray Charles, who's joined us this week.

We think we've worked this one out. Three best-looking cars ever.

- Ford GT40. Yes, all nod. - I do agree with that, actually, yeah.

- Yes. Aston Martin DB7. - Yeah, again, you're right.

- What do you mean? Who said no?

- Hold it. - Who... You said no. Why?

Because you're always on about it. You like it too much.

You know, it's an Aston. And it's Ford. You know, it's...

This is a man with a two-tone beard, who's come along here

to tell us about style.

Um... Anyway, let's get back to it. My point is...

DB7. Ford GT40. And this.

I think you're right...

Yes, thank you. This. And the reason...

The reason why it's so graceful,

if you look at it in profile, is because it's the exact same shape

as an aeroplane's wing.

Which is another reason why it tends to take off.

- Once you get to, like, 80 miles an hour. - Yes, it does.

It generates its own lift.

In fact, remember The Italian Job,

at the beginning of it, the bloke, bulldozer.

In real life, the car would probably

have just flown straight over the bulldozer and missed him completely.

- Probably even right over the mountain. - Another Alp.

So if you were to buy one of these, and you'd buy one now for how much?

A good SV, the better one, would cost you about £100,000. Something like that.

Okay, if you were to spend £100,000 on a car like this,

- you wouldn't really drive it anywhere. - Oh, heavens, no!

- What I would do... Put it in the garden. - Good idea.

- An ornament. - Oh, nice.

Because... What's that programme? Gardening Force.

- Where they put gravel everywhere? - Yeah, they put gravel...

What's it called? Ground Force. Ground Force.

- That, with Charlie Dimmock's features. - All right.

What?

Anyway, forget the gravel, forget the fountains,

get one of these, put it in your garden, look at it.

It's even better to look at in the bushes than a Lightning jet fighter.

And so to the news. Now, I'm sure you're aware on this programme

we're not particular fans of the personalised registration number.

We don't play golf. However, some people out there

do have a handicap, and the DVLA

is only too happy to serve them. In fact, they're having an auction

of special number plates, and they say they've got something

for the music enthusiast. Have a look at this.

Now, I'm slightly baffled, because I didn't know

that drum kits had to be registered,

- for one thing. And also,

I can't quite see the music connection,

because this number plate is for a bloke called Les,

who lives somewhere off the B347.

The DVLA says that that says, "Beatles".

- But I'd like to suggest... - It just doesn't, does it?

B... If I were following a car that said,

"B347 LES" on it, I wouldn't think... It's Ringo Starr!

Exactly.

Can we have a look at some of the others that are coming out?

And I want you to see if you can guess what they actually say.

These are being sold by the DVLA. Look at that.

- This... - This I don't get. This I don't, because I...

This was up for sale for £22,000.

So you have a bit of an embarrassing problem.

You drive around going, "My dicky doesn't work,

"and I'm spending £22,000 advertising the fact."

- I wonder if you can get "floppy" on one. - Yes, "floppy".

- It is more or less. - You'd be driving a floppy...

You'd be driving a car with a big bonnet.

- Let's have another one. - Come on, let's have another one.

What's that? There's no "I" in "toast"!

Do you wanna know? £1,125. And even if it did say "toast"...

- Why do you want "toast" on your car? - You're gonna be toast!

- You might as well have "broccoli". - What a stupid

- word to have on the back of your car. - "Blancmange".

- What's another one? - "Hat".

- "Stamps". - That's even more idiotic!

- What are you... - It doesn't say stamps, but even if it did!

It's just a random... "Elbow"!

- Oh, well, that's right. - £1,200. Stamps.

- £1,200? - Oh, yeah, P147 BOY. I've met him.

The point I want to make here is, here we've got a government agency

selling us these number plates on the basis that you can tweak

around with them to make them say something else.

Then you have another government agency, with tall hats and plastic shoes,

booking you for changing your number plate around

so it says "stamps".

Absolutely right. Welcome to Britain.

Welcome to Britain, everybody.

- This is the worst country in the world. - Yes.

I've got another example of that.

There was a rally last weekend in Britain.

It was the final round of the World Rally Championship,

and it was won by a man driving...

- A car? - A car.

These rallies, for those of you who don't know,

the idea is, you drive as fast as possible around a wood.

Then you drive on normal roads to the next wood,

where you drive as fast as possible again.

Now, on the roads, you're expected to behave in a responsible fashion.

Everywhere else in the world, thousands and thousands and thousands

of spectators roll up to watch the cars go through their villages

- and along the motorways. - It's like a fiesta.

- Like a party. - Exactly. It's a big thing.

Britain, okay? What they did in Wales, where the rally was last year,

was they sent a police speed-trap van down...

Oh, God.

Where they caught, and I'm...

I've got the report here. They caught 17 drivers, okay?

Seventeen of them speeding.

Some of them were doing 40 miles an hour.

World-class sportsmen

come to this country to indulge in a pastime that all over the world

- is greeted by, "Oh, marvellous, let's watch." - And they send out...

They go out and they book you. And do you know something extraordinary?

Most of these people went back to their huts in Finland

or wherever they come from, okay,

thinking, "Well, it doesn't really matter.

"I've been nicked for speeding in England." But oh, no!

Soon as they came back for this year's event, "You're nicked."

And they were all in court. This bloke, Loix, okay,

who's a Belgian rally driver, he was caught,

uh, seven times on the same stretch in the same morning.

So they fined him £1,750 and gave him a six-month ban.

And this is the way we welcome world-class sportspeople.

Exactly. Welcome. Come and...

- What are they gonna do next? - At the Olympics,

- they'll be standing there near the swimming pool. - Exactly.

- "That bloke's doing 33 there." - No, well...

"And with that javelin, offensive weapon. I'll have that."

Right, I've got a car here. VW are wondering whether to make this.

They're scratching their heads thinking, "Oh, I'm not sure." Well, don't be stupid!

Make it. It's got a V6. It's a... Every... We love these cars.

Do you know something a bit interesting about this? Just stop the film there.

There, because the steering wheel, okay, and the pedals move,

and the seats don't.

Nobody but you would find that too complicated to grasp.

I'm sorry. Why do you have... For years we have seats that move about.

This lot then said, "No, no, we'll fix the seats in place,

"and then you move the whole dashboard", and that's ridiculous.

I just know you'd end up sitting, "I can't work it, me seat..."

That's what I'm saying. I'm too far from the television,

I'll knock my house down and move the whole thing 6 inches nearer to it.

And your poor ageing brain can't cope.

What's that thing that you drove last year that was about that big and you loved it?

- Per... - Oh, the Perodua.

Perodua. Okay, Perodua Kelisa. He drove one. He absolutely loved it.

Well, they've launched a new car.

Round about £6,000. We've got a picture of it here.

It's called the Kenari, okay. Sounds like a food blender.

Um... They say it's a multi-purpose vehicle.

Now, I can see one use for it. You could use it to stop a door banging in the wind.

But... I'm struggling to think of another use.

You could keep a chicken in it.

- Yes. - Just one.

You couldn't put two in, otherwise it'd be a battery and it'd be illegal.

Yeah. Anyone else got any thoughts?

No, lower the windows by 3 inches all around,

- and it'd be a bottle bank. - Yes.

Not sure it's gonna work as a car, though,

which is what I think they've got in mind for it. Anyway...

- Oh, that's a ridiculous idea. - Yeah.

But, speaking of small cars...

The bestselling car has been announced for... I think September of this year.

Right, the bestselling car.

Anyone wanna hazard a guess what it was?

- It's... - The bestselling car, in Britain, in September.

- Vectra. - Vectra? Wrong.

- Focus. - Focus? Wrong.

He's... He's just said it. It's the Corsa.

What is that saying?

Has anybody here got one?

No.

Somebody said no a bit too quickly there.

There it is. Look, the majesty of it.

You know when they run those adverts for it, what it should say is,

"Show the world you know nothing about cars."

- Yeah. - Buy a Vauxhall Corsa.

So we thought it'd be a good idea tonight,

if anybody has inadvertently strayed into the programme

from Heartbeat or Monarch of the Glen or whatever

depressing thing they're showing on Channel 4,

and you're thinking of buying a small car, what should you buy?

- Honda Jazz. - Honda... Definitely. That's pricey too.

It's over £10,000, but fantastically versatile.

Is it? Whatever, £9,000-10,000. It is expensive.

Micra. Fantastic little car.

The Micra is unbelievably well-equipped. You get air-conditioning,

and you get keyless-go and things.

That's very good. But actually my favourite,

and I'm not doing this in any particular order,

my favourite is the Toyota Yaris.

Ah, I'm with you there. It's a fabulous little car.

So there you are. Top Gear audience, if you wanna buy a small car, for God's sake,

- stop doing this. - No.

Think about what you're saying about yourself and what you're saying about your nation.

Right. That's enough of that. Now, back in 1980, I was a mere lad, with a bedroom

to decorate. Now, of course, in those days, there was no changing rooms

and no Mediterranean hues. All you could really do was slap a poster on the wall.

And what's more, there were only two to choose from.

The first one was this one of a lady playing tennis.

And the other one was this.

The Lamborghini Countach.

The early eighties were a troubled time. The miner's strike,

John Lennon shot, and the Falklands war.

But that was just the stuff on the news. The really important issue of the day was,

which was cooler? The Ferrari Boxer or the Lamborghini Countach?

Lamborghini had succeeded in dividing the loyalties

of pubescent British schoolboys.

Fights were breaking out behind bike sheds.

People were defacing one another's posters.

That was the impact this thing had.

Here's how they squared up. Ferrari had absolutely nothing to prove.

It had a long history, the race breeding, the pedigree,

and it was run by Enzo, a godfather figure with purple ink in his fountain pen.

The Boxer had a flat-12 engine and styling by Pininfarina.

It was a true thoroughbred.

And now the Countach. Oh, by the way, I've never actually driven one of these before.

I've been waiting 20 years, to pop me Countach cherry.

Where the Ferrari was an aristocrat, the Countach was an upstart.

Lambo may have done the Miura, but they still weren't quite pucker.

So to make up for that, it had to be flashy.

Quite simply, it had to be the world's most outrageous supercar.

And it was. This wasn't just a car. It was a pin-up.

And you might like to know that Countach is a bit of Italian slang.

It translates roughly as "phwoar".

This is Letchworth.

It was the first garden city in the world,

and the site of the world's first roundabout,

a model of English middle-class suburbia.

For a long time, it didn't even have a pub.

A Countach fits in with all this

like a youth with a bad haircut and a can of spray paint.

But even here, there was a time in the early '80s

when every boy's bedroom would have had a piece of pornography on the wall,

a Countach poster.

In the Countach-Boxer battle,

places like Letchworth were a landslide victory for the Lambo.

It just looked so much cooler.

Oh, sure, more and more cosmetic bits were added during its 18-year life,

but so what? This was the '80s.

We thought Kevin Keegan's perm was cool.

I was always in the Countach camp,

and I can tell you off the top of my head

that this one's an LP400 S.

It does 180 miles per hour and 0-60 in 4.6 seconds.

It also has some of the fattest rear tyres ever fitted to a production car,

at 345 millimetres.

Listen to that!

I absolutely knew it would sound like that just by looking at the pictures.

So, it looks fantastic

and it sounds fantastic.

And that's what matters when you're 15 and dreaming.

But I'm not 15 anymore,

and after an hour at the wheel in 2003,

my dream car turns out to be a bit of a nightmare.

It never occurred to me, for example,

that I'd need a hammer to change gear,

or that depressing the clutch would be a lot easier if I got a friend to help me.

It's absolutely baking hot in here,

though I've got the window fully open,

and there's also a really alarming smell of petrol.

And here's another thing, we're here driving through leafy Hertfordshire,

and I'm told it's very pretty.

And it looks very pretty through the windscreen,

but can't be quite so sure out of the side,

and there is a rear-view mirror up there

and there is, in fact, a rear window.

But it's very small.

It's sort of like watching your television through your letterbox.

God in heaven, this is hard work.

I'm going to stop for a cup of tea.

Right, let's have a quick recap on the dream car.

The seat is crippling,

the controls are murderous,

I'm too hot, I'm deaf,

I've been poisoned, I can't see,

and I can't park.

This is what "going to hell in a handcart" probably feels like.

And it looked so good on the poster.

In fact, I wish it had stayed there.

I'm absolutely gutted.

But you know what, it's not the car's fault, it's mine.

I've broken a golden rule. You never, ever meet your childhood heroes.

Roger Moore, Lamborghini Countach, Brian Cant.

Stick with the memories.

They're just better.

So, you're a shattered man.

That's my youth gone.

And I've got even worse news for you.

Oh, no!

Do not tell me that that's a ladyboy.

Her name is Steven.

Steven.

Actually, it's even worse than that,

because until now, I've had a Nobel Peace Prize for parallel parking.

- Mmm-hmm. - And obviously, I made a complete hash of it in that.

But we have put a camera where the mirror is,

and I just want you to be sure that you understand, see,

just how difficult that was.

Steve or whatever her name is could actually be sunbathing naked on here and, you know,

I wouldn't have seen that either.

You wouldn't have a clue.

- Well, the thing is, James, I can park a Countach. - Can you?

And I've got a couple of cones here and I'm going to prove it.

We're going to put one there, okay?

And I'm going to put the other one over here.

And I will be able to get that car into this space,

no problem at all.

- Right. - You don't think so?

You don't think so?

I... This could be a bit of a laugh.

Right, I'm in.

And you can see the problem, you certainly can't see out of the back.

But the extraordinary thing about a Countach

is that...

Ooh, that's a good sound.

You can actually drive it while not being in it.

And we're off!

How about that?

This was a technique developed at the Lamborghini factory

which I've modified slightly for use here, I'm not wearing sunglasses.

That's the difference.

I am in!

And that is how you park a Countach.

Now. Now,

time for a confession.

A confession because when we first started Top Gear,

we thought it would be a really good idea, in the interest of fairness,

to make sure our test track was always wet

so it was the same for all the cars we tested.

Thing is, good idea, but we made a complete hash of it.

All we were left with was a really big bill for a water tanker

that wasn't big enough to soak the whole track.

Seriously, it was just like all dry

with some strategically placed deep puddles at odd corners.

And that is why, in the first programme,

the Lamborghini Murcielago, with dead Stig at the wheel, set a time of 1.29.

Now we always knew it could do better than that.

So, we sent fresh Stig out on to a dry track

to see what the Murcielago can really do.

So we're off the line.

It's four-wheel drive, remember, so not much wheel spin,

but once it's moving, look at it go!

Into the first corner. Look how flat it corners.

Down towards Chicago and that's practically level.

Hard on the brakes down here, listen, it'd go down through the gears.

That is looking fast and smooth and stable.

That's a lovely bit of Bach.

Unless you're The Stig, of course, then it's the music from a cigar advert.

Now down towards the Hammerhead, will it understeer?

Will it hack? Absolutely, listen to that!

Oh, that's magnificent.

Heading towards the Follow Through of course, now.

Will he lift, will he take it?

Flat out, I think. Slight tap on the brakes, maybe.

Already well up on its previous time,

will fresh Stig keep the pace up into the penultimate corner?

Absolutely flat and level, that grip's astonishing. Through Gambon,

and across the line in...

Well now, this is important,

because the Zonda, which is our fastest car ever,

- is a 123.8. - Which is a fantastic time.

And the Koenig... is 123.9.

- So... - It's close at the top.

- 1.23.7. - Three...

It's done it!

It's the fastest car ever around the Top Gear test track.

That is amazingly fast!

We always knew it would be, and I was really looking forward to the moment

because, of course, you now can't put that on there.

Ah, you'd love to think so, big fellow, but you're wrong, because look...

Oh, that is...

- I wondered why we were doing it in this corner today. - I had a word.

There you go, look at that. The only thing faster than the Murcielago, 123.7,

is a jet fighter. That's a quick thing.

Absolutely. Now, it's time to meet our guest.

He's a comedian, he's an actor,

and he made his name over here

by pretending to be a sort of American country boy from the deep south.

So, please feel free to whoop and fly your guns in the air

and develop an unnatural attraction toward your sister.

Ladies and gentlemen, Rich Hall!

How are you?

Have a seat.

Ah, now.

Before we get cracking on the whole car business,

I don't think anybody here could guess, if we gave them a million years,

what your first job was.

I was... I worked for the United States Meteorological Service

as a hurricane namer.

So your job was to wait for a hurricane to come

and then give it a name.

Very high-stress job.

Um... I held the position for two years.

We really wouldn't get busy until about September.

The reason I was fired was for giving them names... Jugs. I called one Jugs.

I was really trying to... I was trying to

give the hurricane names, you know, something...

- Marmaduke? - It's not as easy as it sounds because, uh...

You've got to study the hurricane, and uh,

each one has its own personality.

And then you have to attach a name to it that seems to fit the personality,

so that people run. They have to fear these things 'cause they're dangerous.

- So, um... - What's a fierce name, then?

- Thor? - Yeah, Thor or Killer.

Bush.

- Yeah. - Anyway,

- last week we had Rob Brydon on... - Mmm-hmm.

...who I thought would have the worst car history ever.

He just owned the worst selection of cars

- you can imagine. - Yeah.

Lo and behold, this week you've come along and it looks like you've beaten him.

Your first car was, um, a Corvair.

This was the car that was described in America as unsafe at any speed,

- or provoked that. - Yeah, inspired a book.

- Yeah. Due to its danger. - It inspired a book?

- And your uncle sold it to you? - My uncle sold it to me,

there were beer cans in the backseat, empty, which he called floor chimes.

And, uh...

And it's completely asymmetrical, the Corvair,

so you never really knew if it was coming or going.

Fortunately, mine had bad suspension,

would come up the road sideways, like a crab,

so you could see it coming.

And I had a Vega for a while, which was another car which was...

It had some design problems, um,

the bumper was actually beneath the tail-lights.

So the tail-lights extended over the bumper.

And the fuel tank was in the back.

So basically, you could reverse and explode

or someone could hit you again.

So how long did it take you to have a pickup truck?

Uh, two weeks ago, I purchased a pickup truck.

- For the first time... My first new car ever, yeah. - Your first one?

P.J. O'Rourke once described the pickup truck

as, "The world's first beer-guided vehicle".

- Yeah, yeah. - And that's pretty much true,

I mean, everybody at the wheel of one is drunk once you get out of the city.

Well yeah, that's mandatory.

'Cause I live in Montana where, um,

literally, uh, it's not illegal to drive and drink.

You can't be drunk but you can drink and drive.

You can also shoot off a pistol.

- While driving? - While driving, as long as it's not aimed at anyone.

But you have to wear a seatbelt.

Montana dropped the speed... They had... They dropped...

At one point they had no speed limit and now they do have a speed limit again.

Uh, 'cause somebody moved there, and uh...

It's astounding, I've been pulled over in Montana

'cause the policemen were lonely.

I thought you crashed one of your old cars.

Um, I've crashed a number of cars.

- Yeah. - Well, who took your door mirror off?

That was my fault. That was back when I was about 20 and I was in college

at the University of Washington in Seattle and I had no money,

and I clipped the wing mirror of another pickup truck

driven by this guy and, uh,

he turned out to be a bit of a con artist.

And I didn't have any insurance, of course.

And I was working for a student newspaper and so, um,

the guy kept sending me bills for about $800 or $900,

clearly trying to screw me, you know, and uh,

and I didn't have any money, so I went up to the Linotype machine

and I printed up a fake news story saying I'd died in a horrible car crash.

And I forged a letter from my parents

saying, "Please stop torturing us, we lost our son in a car crash

"several months ago, we don't know who you are

"but he's gone and we'd just like a little peace."

- And you faked your own death. - I faked my own death,

- and... - Did it work?

About a month later, my parents got a sympathy card from the guy.

- You do have good names over there, though. - For cars.

- Yeah. Oh, fantastic. - Oh, yeah.

Fantastic. Thunderbird.

- Yeah, Mustang. - Firebird, Mustang.

And this does, I think, help rock 'n roll guys over there.

It does make writing about songs... 'Cause when you've got cars like Maestro...

- Right. - ...and Metro...

"Well, Daddy took the T-Bird away..."

It's, "Daddy took the TR7 away..."

It's not going to work, is it?

"Little Red Chevette."

- No, I suppose not. - But could you get British car names,

- 'cause you do do songs, don't you? - Yes.

I've tried to romanticise British cars before.

It just didn't work.

Could you try and get the Rover 25

into a song?

The 1.4.

- Don't want to get in on all the GTi. - Oh, that's important to know.

The 1.4 from about 19... Let's say '92, something like that?

To write a... Yeah.

The basis of any romantic car song is,

the first verse describes the car,

second verse puts it into some kind of dangerous situation.

- Yeah. - It's a Rover...

- What is it? - A Rover 25.

- Nineteen-ninety... - Well, say '92, something like that.

All right.

It's a Rover, yeah.

It's a Rover.

It's got a healthy MOT.

It's a Rover.

Driven by an OAP.

It's a Rover.

Two-wheel drive.

Guy behind it is barely alive.

And it rode off the production line in 1992,

it was a monster of design.

You could hear the pistons throbbing.

Then the company had some kind of internal management problem,

and they rolled it off the track,

and it came out a hatchback.

It's a Rover, the engine won't turn over.

It's a Rover,

driven by someone slightly older.

It's got a single paint coat.

It's been towed so many times, it thinks it's a boat.

There was an...

I've got to stop you.

Oh, God.

How do you do that?

It's just, uh...

All country songs... That was a country song, by the way, in my head.

But it had all the relevant bits about...

Rovers are driven by people a little older, perhaps, than anyone else

you've ever seen.

Anyway, of course you came down here to drive our Suzuki Liana,

our reasonably-priced car, around the track.

- Shall we see how it went on? - All right.

Can I just say, in defence...

What, we haven't seen it yet!

The windshield wiper... The windscreen wipers kept coming on

and you'll see me swerve a lot,

and that's because of the windscreen wipers moving back and forth

and creating some lateral thrust.

This is a remark... You should get a job in Formula 1 with excuses like this!

- Yeah... - And?

And I only hope I did better than the other American.

- David Soul? 1.54. - Yes.

He broke two gearboxes when he came 'cause the stick shift confused him.

- Yeah. - Uh, you were okay, you're used to the stick shift?

- Yeah. - You can drive a stick shift car?

Uh, I can now.

Let's have a look at your lesson.

Wheel-spin to start, nice.

- Big sky here as well. - Oh, yeah.

That's about 50 miles an hour.

Over the American speed limit.

Too fast. Too fast!

Room service!

Now, I bet you The Stig told you not to go round...

You're too fast again! You're miles away from...

I'm the king of third gear!

Then you're through here, very brave.

Oh, look, there they go.

That's a pretty deadpan face in a terrifying...

Oh, that was so brave 'cause you're going far too fast.

Again, through that corner,

and too slowly around that one, actually.

And there we are.

Now...

I think I was slowed down by the child safety lock.

No, you've had your excuses,

and now we're going to tell you how fast you went.

You wanted to beat David Soul at 1.54.

- Right. - So, who... Where do you think you came?

If you could turn all those upside down, I'd be ahead of David Soul.

Yup, you did it in 1 minute,

54 seconds,

exactly the same as David Soul.

Ladies and gentlemen, Rich Hall!

- Thanks, Rich. Fantastic. It's tremendous. - Thank you.

Right, now everyone knows that the Mini is cool.

More than that, the Cooper S, the hot version of it,

is right up here in the clear air of sub-zero.

It is a phenomenon.

Everyone wants one.

But that's a bit of a problem.

Because it's so popular,

what can you do to make your Cooper S stand out from the crowd?

This should do it.

It's the Works Mini Cooper S,

the latest hot Mini. And with close to 200 bhp,

about time too.

Because up until now, the most powerful Mini, the standard Cooper S,

only had 163 bhp.

And with the current crop of hot hatches around,

that frankly is a bit lightweight.

The extra power comes from a swishier supercharger,

a new cylinder head and a tweaked engine management system.

And for that we get 0-60 in 6.7 seconds,

a top speed of 140 mph,

oh, and a bill for £18,000.

Which makes it £3,500 more than the previous most powerful Mini.

That's not cheap.

But it's a full on in-house BMW conversion

with input from Mike Cooper, whose dad, John, invented the original.

This gives the car something very cool.

Pedigree.

All that sounds fantastic then,

a complete no-brainer except for one small thing.

If the S Works thought it was safe to settle back

and read the paper, wrong.

Because there's a whole load of hot-tuned Minis banging on the lavatory door.

Like this, the Hartge Cooper S.

Hartge are German tuners.

They've beefed up the supercharger and fiddled with the engine management

to give almost the same 200 bhp boot up the backside as the Works.

Total cost of the car: £16,370.

Then there's this, the Digitec Cooper S.

Again, Digitec have fiddled with the engine management and the plumbing

to give you 210 bhp.

Total cost: £16,000.

So there we are. The Digitec.

The Hartge.

And the Works Mini Cooper S.

And that leaves one question.

Which is best? One of the cheaper German jobs

or the BMW-approved Works?

But since all these cars have exactly the same chassis,

when it comes to handling, I'm looking for differences between the same car.

And there's not much between the engines either. The Hartge feels much like the Works.

And the extra 10 or so hp of the Digitec isn't enough to take it to a different planet.

But sitting on this fence is really starting to hurt my bottom,

so I'm gonna plump for the one that feels like the best all-rounder,

the Works Mini Cooper S.

It's still got all the usual Mini Cooper S attributes, so it's quick to turn in,

it feels quite solid and chunky and doesn't feel at all flimsy.

And you can chuck it in.

Lovely.

What a fun toy.

I have not forgotten that the Cooper S Works is at least £2,000 more than the others,

but besides that better drive, it's also the only one to keep that blast-proof BMW warranty.

So for me, the Cooper's the best.

And I'm also in no doubt that the Mini can handle 200 bhp.

But some people's faith runs even deeper.

Yes, I'm afraid it's another silver one.

So let's get rid of the others and concentrate on this one.

This is the BBR Cooper S.

Not 200 bhp.

Not 220, but a massive 275 hp.

This feels very different.

Immediately it feels rougher, it feels harder.

It's quite slow to respond at first, there's not a lot happening,

and then there's a lot happening.

It actually sounds more like an old rally car.

And it feels a bit more wayward.

Suddenly, I'm actually starting to feel the limits

of what the suspension could cope with.

I'm wondering if we're asking about as much of this as it's gonna give us.

275 bhp! This is a Mini.

Richard, forgive me for bringing this up,

but that looked suspiciously like a crash there.

No. No, just parking vigorously at the end of the tape there.

You see the problem is, ladies and gentlemen, uh, he's not really tall enough

to see over the dashboard in most cars.

- Large ones like the Mini. - I don't even wanna go there, okay.

The point is, we established the Mini really can actually handle 275 bhp.

And you reckon the Works one is the best.

Well, it's really, really difficult.

I've got to say that BBR, the last one I drove,

was a full 5 or 6 seconds faster round the track than the others.

And the Hartge was the next quickest.

That was a good couple of seconds quicker than the Works.

- So you've gone for the most expensive, third slowest? - Slowest, yeah.

Well, it's the best compromise.

It's the one made by BMW, and for me, I've just got that

little bit of peace of mind. They're all great fun, to be honest.

Was it worth an extra £3,500?

Well, I mean if you gave me £3,500 and said you can spend it on

making your Mini go faster or 350,000 penny chews,

I'd pick the faster car. Put it that way.

Right. So in other words, the Works Cooper S is better for you than sweets.

Well, better for your teeth. Dentists would recommend it.

- That's the Top Gear conclusion. - Yes, exactly.

Um, while we're on the subject of modified cars, before we move on,

we asked you to send in pictures of cars that you or people you know

have had a go at modifying. We've got some more. Does anybody wanna see 'em?

- Yes. - Okay. Um, this first one is a Corrado.

A VW Corrado. There it is,

have a look at that.

What... Where was he going? Well he can't see, I suppose.

Well, no, he doesn't know where he's going with that.

- No. Clearly not. - It would get you home faster,

- but I suspect you wouldn't know that you were at home. - No.

You're sitting in there going, "I can only see the dipstick handle."

Did he fix the engine to the car

or the car to the engine?

Uh, now our search also goes on for the most ludicrous exhaust pipes in Britain,

and we've been sent, this week, a photograph of a Renault Clio.

Uh, check that out.

So, if you've had your dustbins stolen in the last couple of weeks,

green Clio. Check it out. There's your culprit.

Right. May.

Back to Lamborghini, and believe it or not, this is one.

It's an LM002 from the 1980s. It's a sort of military jeep thing.

But it has the V12 engine from the Countach.

Now, these days you could get one of these for about £35,000,

which sounds like a bargain and it does look like fun.

However, we would urge caution.

Absolutely. When I started in this business writing about cars,

I was earning about £40 a week, okay.

I borrowed one of these, took it into a petrol station to fill it up. £147!

And... And you had to reset the pump halfway through.

So you go like... Pump stops, you have to go in and pay,

then come out and recommence the filling process.

And actually, it's no better today. In fact, it's worse 'cause the tyres are...

- How much are they? - £550 each.

Each? Each!

And if you were to fill this up now, 63-64 gallon tank,

£220 in petrol. Look at that for a face.

Unbelievable. And let me ask you a quick question.

Have you ever seen a cathedral go around our test track?

- No. - Would you like to see it?

- Yes. - Show it.

Here we go, up to Chicago.

Look at that for lean! Look, he's gonna roll it! He's gonna roll it!

It looked so comical, in fact, that when he was going around the Hammerhead,

which is coming up now, you can actually hear the cameraman

burst out laughing at it.

Listen.

And now you're probably dying to know what its lap time was.

Sorry, it... It ran out of petrol.

And we certainly can't afford to refill it due to the unique way the BBC is funded.

Um, which is very badly. Now, um...

The problem with this is

that it's like the Countach and the Miura.

It's yet another car for a 12-year-old's bedroom wall.

This, then, is the £117,000 Gallardo,

Lamborghini's idea of being sensible.

The wild wings and flared wheel arches of yesteryear are gone.

So, too, have the protruding buttresses.

And the complex V12 has been replaced by a 5-litre V10,

which is almost economical.

Look at this door. Look at that.

See, unlike the doors on previous Lamborghinis, it doesn't open outwards

and upwards in a scissor dodecahedron fashion, like a gull's wing.

It's just a door.

Inside, things get even more normal.

I've got headroom, I've got legroom.

I've got air conditioning that actually works.

You have to search very hard to find any evidence of Lambo in this.

But don't worry, because I found some.

The ashtray lid is broken,

and although this car has only done 5,000 miles, look at the gear lever.

It's been given a certain patina by all those bejewelled Italian fingers.

Overall, though, the Gallardo does seem to have cleaned up Lambo's act.

They should have called it the Priory.

It's easier to drive as well.

When you thumped around the track in an old Diablo,

it was like bull running in Pamplona,

whereas this is more like walking through a field of cows.

It's not even slightly scary. Steering's light.

When you press the clutch pedal, it's like stepping in some blancmange.

And what's more, for the first time ever in a Lamborghini,

I can see where I've been.

And no prizes for guessing who's garnished it

with such a thick veneer of common sense.

It was, of course, the Germans.

Yup. Shock, horror, skid, slide, smoke. Lamborghinis are now made by Audi.

Now I've searched the history books for examples of these two great nations working

together in the past. And there really aren't that many.

Putting them together is a bit like blending sausages with ice cream, I suppose.

In fact the only time the two nations did work together

was in the 1930s, and things didn't turn out well.

So how has it worked this time around?

Well, let's see first of all how it compares to the other Ferrari wannabes.

There's the Porsche 911 Turbo, the endless thorn in Ferrari's side.

And the Aston Martin DB7 Zagato,

basically a re-styled, power-crazed last hurrah before the DB9 comes along.

These cars are very fast.

But the Lambo, despite the new one-cow styling, looks like it's going even faster.

Even when it's standing still.

It's no illusion either. With a 0-60 time of 4.3 seconds

and a top speed of 192, the Gallardo blitzes the Porsche and the Aston.

And with 100 bhp more than you get in a Ferrari 360, it nukes that too.

It seems, then, that the German-Italian alliance has been a success with this car.

And we haven't even got to the best bit yet.

The handling.

This is where a Ferrari 360 gets tricky.

Drive too fast around a bend in it, it turns into a small dog,

spinning around your legs and wagging its tail.

- This is in a different class. - This is epic.

It's like a big Lotus Elise.

This is the first four-wheel drive car I've ever driven

that has no understeer at all.

It is fantastic.

So then... Oh, that is lightning reactions. Changes direction like a fly.

I wanted to hate the Gallardo.

I wanted say that Lambo had sold its soul to the devil and ended up

with a glorified Audi TT. But it's wonderful.

Except for exactly the same thing that nailed the Bentley Continental

in last week's programme.

The problem is, they've got rid of the Lamborghini idiocy,

but some of the magic has gone as well.

Some of the X-factor that makes a car special.

Let me put it this way.

There are many children's stories.

Mog, Kipper, Spot.

The Famous Seven, The Secret Five, Paddington the Pooh,

Bob the Tank Engine, Thomas the Builder.

But there's only one Harry Potter.

There's only one Ferrari too.

And this isn't it.

Having thought about this,

not much of a tribute to Lamborghini really, is it? This show?

- Why? - Well, if you think about it,

- I demonstrated that the Miura was deeply flawed. - Yeah.

You hated the Countach. And now, you don't like their new car.

No, no, no, no, no. The thing about this is,

is that I do truly believe it's a better car than a Ferrari 360.

But when you buy a Ferrari, you're getting so much more than just a car.

- You're getting that whole kind of golden glow... - Yes.

...of 50 years of Ferrari ownership.

That's exactly what I was trying to say in that Countach piece, because

a Lamborghini isn't a Ferrari, it has to be ridiculous.

Exactly. What does everybody think?

What's the best Lamborghini of them all?

- Hands up. You got any thoughts, what do you reckon? - Diablo.

- The Diablo is the best of them all. - Yeah.

- That was pre-German. - Yup.

Right, anyone over here? Any thoughts on what they think?

- The what? - Miura.

- Miura. - Miura, yeah.

- Miura. - Miura.

And do you know something quite interesting here, guys?

- They're all wrong? - I thought that might be coming, Jeremy.

- Back in Jeremy's democracy. - This, this is the best Lamborghini of them all.

Because what you've got here is you've got the kind of... Germans building it,

making sure that it actually comes out of the factory on time.

But you've got Italian engine, Italian four-wheel drive, Italian styling.

Sprouty things coming out of the back. That for me is the perfect Lamborghini.

It's the peak. And now... Sliding down a bit.

Let me put it this way. A picnic, okay.

If you went, you'd want the Germans to make the hamper, so the handles don't fall off.

But you'd want the Italians to make the food.

Yes? That's what you get with that.

It's a German-Italian picnic where the Italians have done what they're good at,

and the Germans have done what they're good at.

With this, the Germans have done the food.

All of that aside,

the fact remains, how does the Gallardo do on the track?

Now, The Stig has already been out in the Murcielago,

so he should have absolutely no trouble with its baby brother.

Okay, Stig's ready.

And away he goes! Now, track does look pretty wet,

but of course the Gallardo has four-wheel drive, so it should be a match

for the conditions. Let's see, first corner coming up,

slithering just a little bit.

Oh, he has got some understeer actually there, but he's held it beautifully.

Ah! Inspired by what he knows as the music

from the Cadbury's Fruit and Nut advert.

And round Chicago, little wobble there...

Yes, he's got the power down beautifully there and he's coming into the Hammerhead.

Will this catch it out?

Yes, it has caught it out. But he's held it well. Good job, fresh Stig.

And here we go. Gallardo has the optional flappy paddle gear shift,

which is claimed to be faster on a track. The manual gear box I drove earlier.

Certainly looks quick down there. Ooh, and very quick through there.

Now amazingly, over the first half of the lap, the Gallardo was quicker

than the Porsche GT3's time, also in the wet.

Can it beat a 911 to the end?

Can it?

Ooh, he's come around Gambon absolutely beautifully on line.

- You wanna know how fast that was? - Yes.

This is the GT3, similar conditions, 1.27.2. Now we thought that was quick.

- It's a fabulous car, yeah. - 1.27.2.

This has just done it in 1.25.8.

It is unbelievable.

That's incredible.

Now, next week... Next week we have another

two-seater, four-wheel drive car.

It is in fact a Toyota pickup truck.

And what we do to it defies belief.

Do please tune in. See you then, good night.