Original subtitles

# What happens when you lose everything?

# You just start again

# You start all over again

# What happens when you lose everything?

# You just start again You start all over again. #

This programme contains very strong language.

Hello, Karen! How are you?

Good, good, not too bad, yourself? Can't complain.

I'd like to, but no-one will listen! THEY LAUGH

Where's your little granddaughter today?

Did her bike arrive in the end? Oh, yeah, two days late, though.

That's shocking, ain't it? Ah, well, she's got it now, that's the main thing. It is... It is.

Mike, I've got a little tear in this dress.

I need it for tonight, if that's possible.

We're a bit chocka. Let's see what we can do.

It's mainly along the seam, but it probably needs a bit of a stitch.

Bloody hell! You been playing rugby in this again? I think a rugby player WAS involved.

Well, for you, ten quid.

It's gonna have to be tomorrow, though, this is a machine job.

Oh, I was really hoping to get it back for tonight.

I'd love to, Karen, but, as I say, it's a machine job.

I can't get at the machine till tomorrow. Just for me?

I'm sorry, Karen, I can't, really.

Please, please, please...

I can't! Go on!

I'm sorry, Karen, I can't.

Right, OK.

Great...

So what was that all about the other day, then? What?

The other day, you going on about your granddaughter, muggins standing here listening to it all.

Being interested. "My granddaughter

this, my granddaughter that,

"my fucking granddaughter with her stupid spoilt little bike!" What was that for?

I thought that was money in the bank. Why was I wasting my time?

Do you think I like listening to pricks like you?! Karen...

You love the power! It's all about the power!

It's people like you that make this country...

You really are a piece of shit!

HE WINCES

Oh, come on...

Nearly there.

Liam? God, Liam, hi!

God, how are you? What are YOU doing here?

I just got off the...

Louise, isn't it? Yes. Yes, you remembered. From the restaurant.

Yes, from the restaurant.

From the flipping restaurant, that's brilliant. Will you be coming in today?

We've got the aubergine tagine on, your favourite. Delicious. I'm just so busy at work...

Oh, yeah, I know, I know.

Doing anything tonight? Nothing special.

Are you sure? Yeah.

But you must be doing something. No.

What, nothing? Well, I'm going to this film launch thing.

Film launch, yes, that's great, so you're going. Um... What's it called?

The, er...Pelican. No! Yeah.

No, no, that's amazing,

at the Red Room.

Well, I'm going to be there tonight.

Really? You're going to be there?

Yeah! Oh, God! Oh, wow!

That's a coincidence. What time?

Oh, shit!

Are you all right, mate? I didn't see you, you just...

What's that on your face?

Are you taking the piss? What? No...

Oh, fuck...

Karl?

Karl, if you don't open the door, I'm going to use the bloody key.

Karl, I need to find my shoe, it's very important!

You'd better not be masturbating - I'm coming in.

Karl!

Help me! Get the chair, the chair!

Jesus Christ! Are you hanging yourself? Is that what you're doing? Er, no.

What are you doing?!

Oh, for God's sake!

I can't reach, kneel down! What? Kneel down, I'll stand on your back!

But I've got a bad back. Donna!

Oh, OK, look, just get ready.

I'm gonna let go, so get ready, OK?

Karl...have you got a Hitler moustache? Donna!

Thank you. You prick!

What am I supposed to wear to this thing?

Wear your black dress. It's got a hole in the arse.

How did that happen?

Mark, with his little fantasies. How many times can a woman enjoy being raped?

What are you looking at?!

Are you bringing Mark?

You're joking, aren't you? Last thing I need is his leathery old chops cramping my style.

I've finished with him. Nothing but celebrities for me from now on.

Can I get some bread with this?

I bumped into Liam this morning.

He's definitely going.

You do know that stalking is actually a crime, Louise.

I'm not stalking him, I just happen to be going to the same film launch as him.

You just HAPPEN to be going to the same film launch as him.

All right, I overheard him talking about it,

and the rest was done on

the internet, but it's not exactly

shooting him on his doorstep, is it?

What do you think the chances are of pulling a celebrity? I won't have time for that sort of thing.

I'll be talking to Liam and his friends. Producers, scriptwriters, clapper-loaders, best boys.

Oh...

Right, I'd better go get my red-carpet outfit.

I don't want Brad Pitt thinking I've got no class. ..Can I get a doggy bag?

MOBILE RINGS

Donna?

He's done what?!

What a cunt!

If I came in five minutes later, he would be dead. He would be hanging there, dead.

Do you think he's depressed?

No, he just wanted to see what

he looked like with a purple head(!)

What am I going to do now? I'm scared to leave him now.

He said he changed his mind, didn't he? Karen! He tried to kill himself!

Oh, come on, who hasn't?

What, not even with pills?

I mean, what do I do now?

I think he's got it out of his system. He looks fine.

# Oh, Mother

# I can feel the soil falling over my head... #

I'm gonna have to stay with him. That'll be a laugh.

I'm supposed to be at work. I have to tell them if I can't come in...

I don't know what I'd do if he...you know.

I can't leave him, I can't. OK, listen...we'll help. Really?

Will we? Yes, Louise. There's a desperate man out there. We can't just walk away.

What about the party tonight?

Fucking hell, he'll be better by then, won't he?

And I like that he's the kind of man

who goes to film launches,

cos you hear about these parties and you think, "Who goes there?"

"Is it all celebrities and business deals and things?"

And it just makes me think,

"Who is he?"

"Who is the real Liam...whatever his surname is? Who is he?

"Who is this man?"

Who do YOU think he is, Karl?

Please...please go home.

Hello, darling!

I didn't know you'd be here.

What a coincidence. Piss off!

Karen...

what if I was to tell you that I think...

I might be falling in love with you?

Mark, it's over.

All right... Look, OK...

Will you marry me? What?!

You're already married. I'll divorce her. I love you.

All right, look, Mark, you've done well, OK?

But don't push it. You've been boxing above your weight,

and I give you credit for that, but it's over.

No, it's not over, don't say it's over, I love you.

Mark, listen... we've had some fun.

Well, actually, we haven't, just go.

You whore, I'm gonna stick it in you...

Just go!

So what was it, a cry for help? I don't know.

Were you killing yourself? I don't know. I mean, you put a bracket up.

You screwed a bracket into the ceiling. How long did that take?

About a half-hour...

once I found the right length screws.

Instead of putting a bracket into the

ceiling and a noose round your neck,

why not put some shelves up?

Buy some cups? I don't know what I was doing, I don't know why I did it.

Everything got on top of me. What if I hadn't come along? What then?

You'd still be hanging there.

By the time someone realised you were missing...cats would have been eating you. Did you think about that?

Did you think about the cats? No... HE BEGINS TO CRY

I see you've cheered him up, then.

Yeah, well, just...

Look...don't cry, Karl, because that's not gonna...

Look, I'm going to talk to Karen, OK, so try not to kill...

Just don't do anything, OK?

I can't leave him like this, I'm going to have to stay with him.

What about tonight? I've been looking forward to this.

Well, you know, he's not well... Get

his mum to look after him. I'm not

calling his mum - she'll blame me.

What about little fat Tanya? She won't be doing anything. I haven't seen her since the hen night,

and she'll judge me and... You're always whingeing on about what kind of life you want. Well, here it is,

and you're gonna turn it down? I'm just saying Karl... Are you still together?!

Do you want a new life? Yes, of course.

Make your mind up. Karl stopped being your responsibility when you said you didn't want to marry him.

All right, I'll try Tanya. You look after Karl.

Bloody hell, what am I gonna say to him?

Just...think of something...nice.

Nice?

Nice...

Donna's just popped out.

Right.

So...

I heard you had quite a stalk on, Karl.

What?!

I'd love to help, Donna. Are you sure? That would be amazing but...

God, I'd love to, I'm there for you, Donna.

Oh, Tanya, that is such a weight off my mind.

So what happened? I walked in on him, and he's hanging from the...the ceiling and...

Uh-huh, uh-huh.

I...I just think maybe things have got a bit on top of him and...

I mean, he seems fine now.

I think he's just a bit embarrassed about the whole thing. I suppose I am a bit worried because...

Tanya?

I'm sorry...sorry.

Oh, God, look at me - stupid, stupid! Tanya, what's the matter?

He's leaving me. Who?

Dan, Donna - my husband.

Oh, yeah, sorry.

What, Dan? Dan's leaving you?

He's met someone else.

What, Dan has?

You were right, Donna.

You were so right. I mean, we all laughed at you

and thought you were stupid cancelling the wedding, but you knew what you were doing.

You weren't just being a selfish bitch. It's all shit!

So how's Karl?

Oh, yeah, sorry. Stupid, stupid!

Look, Tanya, I think maybe this is a tricky time for you.

No, I'm fine. You know, I can get someone else to... No, I want to.

Cos you have a lot on your plate. He can have the kids for a change.

You know?

Maybe I'll set fire to the house.

Yeah, then there'll be no me, no kids, no effing problems.

Yeah, that'll teach him. Yeah.

You know what I think?

You just need a good night out, you know?

Just forget about me and Karl and all that suicidal nonsense, just go out, get glammed up, you know?

Enjoy yourself, flirt with boys, whatever. Because that will show...

You show Dan, OK, you show him.

You go, girl.

So what time do you want me to come round?

Are you all right out there?

Yes.

Well, make some noise then, you're making me nervous. What?

Sing or something.

# Come on, Eileen Oh, I swear, what he means

# Oh come one Let's take off everything... #

Yeah, but you didn't see her. I'm telling you, she's lost it.

I'm not sure

who's going to be looking after who.

They can be co-dependent.

Stop making excuses, Donna, he'll be fine. Look at him.

He's happy in his little blanket there.

I am here, you know. Can you take the blanket off, please, Karl? You look like a hostage.

DOORBELL

There she is. Let's go.

Hang on, Karen, she's not even in the door yet.

Hello, Donna. Sorry I'm late.

Couldn't get out the bath - I just couldn't see the point.

Um... You look lovely. Ah, you're so beautiful.

Where is he?

Karl.

God. Karl, Karl, Karl, Karl!

Hello, Tanya.

Why? Fucking why?

Right, she's in. Let's go. No, hold on.

You are so brave, and they are such cowards! Who? Who are cowards?

You look well, Tanya.

Yeah? Dan just left me.

Yeah, well, your hair looks nice.

Can we please go! Look,

I don't think this is a good idea.

No, no, you go. No, you seem a bit down.

My flipping husband just left me, Donna. Yeah, no, I don't mean...

Sorry, it's just that I think maybe you and Karl aren't the best people to be together, at the moment.

Oh, no. No, we're fine.

No, because... Donna, we'll be fine. Honest.

Rejects Anonymous!

FRONT DOOR SLAMS

Tanya's lovely, isn't she?

Are you mental? She's off her head.

I don't know what I'm doing here, I should be at home protecting Karl.

I thought she was all right. Just chill.

Karen, I've just left a suicidal boyfriend with someone who makes Robbie Williams look happy. Ex.

What? Ex-boyfriend. That's what I said. Karen, there's a bloke waving at you.

He's got me mixed up with someone else.

Karen! Someone else called Karen.

Isn't that Mark? No.

Karen, it's Mark. Oh, shit! Right, get ready to run, I'm going to mace him.

No! We're outside a club. Everyone's looking. Karen. Hi, what a coincidence.

Er, I happened to be driving by and... Oh, right, really? Where's your car then?

Well, I got a taxi.

You are not coming in. I'll be no trouble.

You cannot come in. You're not on the list.

He COULD come with us. I've got a "plus three". No!

How am I going to pull with that hanging round my neck?

OK, right. That's not... Other men?!

No, I forbid...

You...are not going to, no. That's it.

That's...because that...

when you think about it, is..

OK. Er, right, right, fine. Er...

MUSIC: "It Won't Do Without You" by Time Deluxe

I think I just saw Raj Persaud down the end of the bar.

I tell you what, this is going to be

a night to remember!

Shall I call Dan?

What? Who's Dan? Tanya's husband, Karen.

Why would you call Dan?

Well, because Tanya's cracking up.

Give the man a break. Poor bastard's only just got away. Maybe I should go back.

You are going nowhere.

Oh, my God, it's him! Who?

It's Liam. Liam from the restaurant.

And Liam... Oh, my hair's...

I'm going to go. Liam.

It's Liam with the tagine. Shall I talk to him? I don't know, Louise. Is there another approach?

Right. I'm going over. How do I look? Crazed. That'll do.

Right, well, I think it's only polite for you and I to get our sexy single arses out there.

I'm just gonna give Karl a quick call.

Liam!

Hi. Hi, how are you? Brilliant. I'm brilliant. You look great.

Oh, thanks. Well... So do you.

This is Louise. She works in my favourite restaurant.

Were you telling them about the restaurant? Wow, that's... Oh, thank you.

It's strange seeing you here, you know, out of context.

Not... Not IN the restaurant. It is strange. Yeah.

Yeah. It's so.. OK. Well, I mean, we'll have, what, the same again?

So, two G&Ts and a pint of Stella.

OK!

Two G&Ts and a pint of Stella.

Oh, sorry.

There you go. Wow, that's really... A tip?

I'll just go and get those drinks.

Oh, and this is my friend, Donna.

Champagne makes her horny too.

I couldn't get through. Right, well... What do you think that means?

It means he's busy. Donna, this is Alan, and this is Anthony.

They're gonna... Busy? What do you think he's doing?

Maybe he's on the toilet. No. No way, not at this time.

No, it's too early. Please, Donna.

Will you just forget about Karl for five minutes,

and talk to the people who are actually sat with us in this room?

Yeah. Sorry.

So, Alan...

..do you have any experience of suicide?

Here's your drinks.

Are you OK there? Didn't they give you a tray or something?

Well, I don't actually work here, so no.

I thought you...

No, it's fine. It's no trouble. Louise,

I'm really sorry! I thought you...

It's OK. That's embarrassing.

Do you wanna come and join us?

That would be lovely.

I mean, the thing is, when you see someone you care about hanging there,

and their eyes are on stalks, bulging out of their heads, it stays with you.

I hate the fact that he felt that low, but he couldn't talk to me about it. You know what I mean?

Why couldn't he talk to me about it? Do you think I should try him again?

I might just give him a quick call.

Excuse me a minute. ..What do you think you're doing?

I'm just gonna... Donna, in case you hadn't noticed, I'm about to get off with Russell Crowe.

That's not Russell Crowe. It is.

He's a professional look-alike-y. His stage name is Russell Crowe.

He is Russell Crowe. What's that got to do with...?

Suicidal ex-fiances are not sexy, OK? I'm asking you -

no, I'm begging you to change the record.

Karl is fine. Leave him alone.

He's got Tanya with him. There are such things as suicide pacts, Karen. You are being ridiculous.

This is our big night, and you are ruining it for me. But... But nothing!

Now let's get back to the boys before they...

Oh, shit! They've gone.

Look, I'm going to go as well, actually, because I'm not really having a good time.

Let's go! No, no, you stay.

Oh, yeah, I'll stay here. Now that you've ruined the evening, I'm really in the mood.

I can't help it. I'm worried. Yeah, about yourself! What does that mean?

Figure it out, while I go and tell Louise our evening's been pissed on.

Karen!

Louise, have you got your keys? We're going home. Hi, Karen.

Karen, this is Liam. Don't go, Karen. Have you got your keys? I think so.

Hang on, I'll just have a look.

Why, are you going? Yeah, why are you going? Don't go, Karen.

All due respect, Liam, I'm not in the mood. I think I've got 'em. Come on, Karen, sit down, have a drink.

I don't want a drink, OK? Ooh, Karen's a bit feisty.

I'm warning you, Liam! Is Karen a bit fei...

Argh!

You got 'em? Yes.

No. Well, you know, I think I'll probably come as well.

Argh! Help me!

Sorry for that, Louise. It's OK. I mean, I'm sure I'll see him in the restaurant,

when his eyes are better. Look, I'm sorry, OK? But we still managed to have a good time.

Are you mental?! It's not even 10.30

on a Friday night,

and I'm off to check up on a suicide

with you two

and Ricky the Rapist here.

I'm not really a rapist. I didn't wanna be like this, Karen.

I was looking forward to tonight too.

But I'm worried. You don't

understand, he's vulnerable.

They're adult sex games. She likes them.

He's vulnerable because of you,

because you won't leave the

poor bastard alone for five minutes.

I can leave him alone for five minutes. Prove it then. All right.

So don't go round there. OK, fine. Don't go round there tonight. Fine, we're not going round there tonight.

So we're not going round there? No.

Good. Yeah, it is.

So we're not going round there, fine.

We're not going round.

I'm just going to pop in for five minutes.

What...? Hi. What are you...?

Ssssh! I've only just got him off.

What's going on? He's on your lap, Tanya.

I know, I didn't wanna move him. He's been through so much.

Cried himself to sleep, poor bugger.

Cried? He's been crying? Mmm. We've had a fantastic evening.

I think it's really helped both of us. Well, that's good.

Mmm. He's going to be fine. Little soldier.

Right. Well, I can take over

from here, so... I don't really think

that's a very good idea. Why?

He really resents you, Donna.

What? Yeah.

He let it all out earlier.

All the hurt, all the hate. Hate?

Mmm... So much pain in such a small head.

Well, what did he say?

He put it all into a letter.

What letter? Well, it's not for your eyes.

It's a thing that you do when you need to get out all the hate.

We did one each. I think it's really helped to calm us.

You write down everything that you want to say, and then you put it in to a letter,

but you don't actually send it to the person.

Here it is, Donna.

So this is what Karl thinks of me?

Yeah.

There.

Only five.

I said I was only going to be five minutes. So where are we going now?

Well, I don't know what you ladies are up for, but...

Not a chance! Fair enough.