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Crap job.

Crap.

Whoa, jackpot.

Ooh, double jackpot.

Hey, Tim, come check this out!

Hey, Tim, come here!

Tim!

I'm busy.

What is it?

I found this old VHS camera in the dirt.

What?

And check this out.

Maya, that is someone's private memories

of their cherished moments.

Yeah, the battery is dead, anyways.

That's OK-- I have a VHS deck in my office.

Get back here!

No, don't-- wait--

I'm doing it.

Don't put that filthy tape in my deck!

Ugh.

It just fits perfectly.

Oh, come on that's a bad sound.

You know they don't make these anymore.

Hush.

Maya, your mom was a fox back in the day.

Do you think those bangs have self-esteem issues

from being teased so much?

I think I know what finished

off the spotted leopard.

Are you kidding me?

I think she's giving makeup advice.

Turn it up.

-since you can never have enough rouge.

You can definitely have enough rouge.

Makeup tips from the glamour goddess,

you should open a school for this.

But if I'm a goddess, wouldn't I open a temple, Gerald?

Wouldn't I start a religion?

I suppose it would be a religion.

Well, I'm a believer.

And here's my first apostle now.

Sorry I'm late, Cass.

I got held up at work.

We can not get lost in our business.

No, I mean the store was robbed.

I think it was one of those crackheads

they talk about on the news.

Well, you're here now, and no harm done.

We were just about to begin your segment.

He took my wallet.

I'm sorry.

I just need a moment to collect myself.

Yes, collect yourself here.

I should really cancel my credit cards.

Can I use your phone?

The tape is already rolling.

It's a whole thing to stop it.

There's no problem.

We can cut.

Thank you, Gerald.

Keep rolling.

Now, you do as I say, and by the time I'm done with you,

I swear to your goddess, Jane Fortune,

you will be bulletproof.

OK.

Are we filming, Gerald?

Yeah, been filming the whole time.

Then point the camera at Jane,

and I will start the introduction.

Wow, she's intense.

I introduce to you the subject of this evening's

makeover, Jane Fortune.

As you can see from her dumpy blouse to her frumpy name,

Jane here is guilty of what so many women are today.

And do you know what that is, Jane?

My frumpy name?

You, and all you women out there,

are hiding your light under a bushel.

In this new eon, you must embrace the power of your sex.

Now, you have something I can work with here, Jane Fortune?

Or do I have to start from scratch?

Am I supposed to answer that?

Still rolling.

Yes, Gerald, I know we are rolling

because I did not say cut.

Interrupt me again, and rue the day!

And you, strip.

Slower, I must assess your form.

Wow.

Definitely some private moments.

Should I stop the tape, or--

Gerald, if you stop that tape, I will risk my very freedom

to see that you regret it!

Now, Jane, my dear, pose.

Right here in this house, too.

Mm.

Oh my gosh.

Hey, good find, honey.

This is why you do the digging.

Those must have been the original owners.

Yeah, no wonder this place looks like the museum

of leftover sex.

All the holes in the drywall downstairs must be from

pleasure swings and waldos.

I'm guessing a waldo is a dildo you affix to a wall?

Funny how you just drop that into conversation

and assume I'll pick up on it.

This is where Cassandra sat while she

belittled her husband.

And this is where she stood while she ridiculed

her friend into getting naked.

I can feel her presence.

Her ghost still haunts us.

Cassandra Essex, do you have a message for us?

Why does she have to be dead?

That was only like 30 years ago.

I don't know--

I just assumed.

No, that makes sense.

I couldn't imagine her alive today

doing makeup tuts on the soc.

Oh, she'd be a sen-sash.

But do you think she'd appreciate her exclusively

ironic fan base?

She wouldn't give a damn, not my Cassandra.

I guess not.

What's that, Cassandra?

You want Maya to sit herself in this chair

and cover herself in foundation?

No.

No.

And spread her gospel?

- No. - What?

It was just getting fun.

Oh my God, no, get out.

Doreen's gonna be here at 7:00, and I still have to shower.

Oh, perfect, Doreen can be the frumpy sidekick.

Now we've got an act!

You know that you are not allowed to joke about Doreen,

remember?

College was a long time ago, Maya.

Just because you're still paying off your student loans

doesn't mean the rest of us haven't moved on.

You promised me you'd stop shaming me for that.

Ugh, whatever.

You're the one I ended up with, OK?

Just shut up and take a victory lap.

Oh, well, when you put it that way, Mr. Romantic-- get out!

Please, Mr. Romantic, was my father.

Call me Time.

Get out!

So, what do you think, Cassandra?

Do I need a make over?

Exactly what I thought--

perfect the way I am.

I'm Cassandra Essex, hero of the erotic world.

I have recorded more sexual acts than any woman alive,

but if you're watching this tape,

you probably knew that already.

I've trained my body and mind to withstand

the rigors of even the most extreme and intrusive

intercourse.

Tools that fill most women with dread, do not fill me at all.

Oh, Hey, Tim.

Hey, Dory.

Good to see you.

We're doing that whole hug thing now?

I guess not, Doreen.

Uh, she just got in the shower, so it's

probably going to be a minute.

Would you care to join me for a drop of absinthe?

You drink absinthe all of a sudden?

I have for a while, Doreen.

So you're like some bohemian absinthe guy now?

Yeah, I'm a bohemian absinthe guy.

Do you want one or not?

Do I dare?

I'm not gonna force it down your goddamn throat, Doreen.

Nobody said you were.

Jesus, chill.

Just trying to be a good guy here.

I see that.

Thank you.

Tim?

Dory?

The funny thing about absinthe,

after the first glass, you see things as you wish they were.

After the second, you start to see things as they're not.

But if you drink enough, you will

see things as they really are.

And that, milady, is the most horrible thing in the world.

You know who said that?

You know I don't, Tim.

Oscar Wilde said it.

Is Maya coming down soon?

Now let's one in the Bohemian style.

Ooh La La.

This caramelizes the sugar, unlike

in the traditional method where it

just dissolves under the water.

So which way is better?

Um, it's just a matter of taste.

Here, you be the judge.

Isn't this stuff illegal?

No, it used to be.

Now you just can't get it in bars or liquor stores,

so I order it online.

So what's the deal with it?

Am I going to start tripping balls or something?

Oh, probably not.

I mean, Artemisia absinthium does contain thujone,

which is a hallucinogen, but this variety

is 140 proof, so you'll probably die of alcohol poisoning

long before you see any green fairies.

Well, I like this one, but I liked the other one,

too, so I can't decide.

Well, stick with me, kid, and you can have it however

and whenever you like it.

Bikini time!

Bikini time!

Oh my gosh.

Oh, look at you.

I missed you so much.

Oh, I see Tim finally got the chance to bust

out his new absynth set.

I knew you were just getting into this, carrying

on like an expert and shit.

Yeah, you know Tim.

I do.

I do know Tim.

So we finally made it to Vegas.

And look at your house--

it's so beautiful.

I am so happy for you guys.

Has Tim gotten the chance to show you around at all?

No, just his cute little absynth set.

You want one, babe?

Sure, but we'll take it poolside.

First, let me show you the Doreen

Dukes memorial guest bedroom.

Memorial?

Am I going to survive this?

Cute little absynth set, fuck you, Doreen.

What?

Girl, where is the rest of that bikini?

Are you paying for it on an installment plan?

Is the bikini water activated?

Yeah, like when I get wet--

It turns into a real piece of swimwear,

yeah, that's the joke.

Funny.

Are you done now?

Mm, one more.

Is that a little bit of the bikini going

to watch the search party for the rest of the bikini that

went missing?

Don't hate, girl, I'm just trying to work on my form.

I see that form.

Time wasn't weird, was he?

Because it's really important to me

that you're comfortable here.

Do I look comfortable?

Honey, I could get used to this.

Oh, we're going to be hanging out all the time then.

Yeah, because we're the pool fools.

We are the pool fools.

Hey, Doreen, it really is great to see you again.

Did your bikinis mom smoke while it was still in the womb?

Yeah, me and Maya already did this bit.

I'm just messing around, Doreen.

You know that.

For real, though, you look really great, for real though.

All right, tiger, put your tongue back in your mouth.

Thanks, Time.

I appreciate the complement.

See?

Well, this bikini isn't for virgin eyes,

so why don't you run along, and I'll call

you when we want another round?

Yeah, sure.

It's not like it's anything I haven't seen before.

This isn't exactly the way I'd hoped things would turn out.

You still got insomnia, huh?

Yeah, when I'm in new places.

Me, too.

Maya is out like a light.

Yeah, she always had a quiet mind.

You want to hit this?

It usually does the trick for me.

Thanks.

Here, sit down, I got you.

It's been a while.

I think you'll remember.

OK, yeah, that should do it.

Are you learning tarot now?

Dweeb.

No, this is just some home video

Maya dug up in the backyard.

Interesting.

Yeah, if you're into crazy '80s ladies

giving makeup advice and forcing their friends

to step on camera.

I am into that type of stuff.

Well, then you're in for a treat.

This woman, Cassandra Essex, was a porn star

back in the '80s, had this whole line of tapes called Cassex.

Pretty clever, I guess.

Sure, whatever.

Anyway, she was a rising star, did it all, did them all.

And then one day, she just disappears off

the face of the earth.

Like Randy Rhoads.

Word is she dipped more than her big toe

in some crazy occult shit, got in way over her head.

That old black magic.

Well, the prevailing theory is that she

crossed some powerful organization

like the Freemasons or Golden Dawn.

Of course, there's this other theory, though,

that her disappearance was actually

the result of a twisted love triangle between her,

her husband, Gerald, and this woman, Jane Fortune.

So what do you think it is?

I don't know.

I just started looking into it.

It's quite the rabbit hole.

It's also, like, crazy-ass hot somehow

for being a hundred years old.

Right?

And I don't even know if anyone's

ever seen this tape before.

It's like Cassex behind the scenes.

Mm.

Hey, I'm sorry if it made you uncomfortable

earlier with all my leering.

It's fine.

You weren't leering.

I really didn't appreciate your comment, though.

What comment?

It's nothing I haven't seen before.

Did that hurt your feelings?

Didn't hurt my feelings, I've just made a lot of progress

since the last time you saw me, and I

wanted to make you jealous.

Really?

That was for me?

No, I wore the world's teeniest bikini for Maya, dummy.

Well, it did make an impression.

Yeah?

I'm not the chubby little freshman you used to bang

in the dorms anymore, am I?

Mm, I don't know, I think she's still in there somewhere.

And here I am looking like this,

and you're still goofing around with

me like I'm your little sister.

No, my little sister couldn't pull off those panties--

her bush is enormous.

This does kind of remind me of the dorms,

though, Maya always sleeping.

Hm, yeah, and you were always mincing around, hunting that D.

Oh, how we flatter ourselves.

Tim?

Dory?

Whoa, you got good at that.

Thank you, likewise.

I think you actually impaired my vision.

Huh.

Tim?

Are you up?

Did Doreen leave without saying goodbye?

Chicken stuffings.

Uh, good morning.

I was just about to jump in the shower.

I know it's quite a sight to behold.

But surely it's old territory for you.

What?

Uh, no-- no, this isn't what it looks like.

I can-- I can explain--

Doreen, get out here!

I'm sorry.

I know you'll never forgive me.

I'm just gonna go.

Tim, what the fuck?

Maya?

Tim, I want a divorce!

I don't know what that means for the house,

but we'll have to figure it out.

This is some gonzo dream, man-- it's gotta be.

How can we be having the same dream?

I can promise you that's not the case.

Well, I know I exist.

What are you doing?

Ignoring me isn't going to make me go away!

Tim, what the fuck?

Whatever it is, it's going to pass in, like, a minute or two.

Yeah, I need an ambulance.

It's my husband and my friend.

No, I don't think we see other people involved in--

What are we, ghosts now?

It's just a crazy trip.

We just gotta ride it out.

That's all it is.

I don't know.

Last night we were drinking absinthe,

and I think they were smoking dope.

No, just marijuana.

Yeah, rad, I was gonna suggest that.

Now just, like, scooch your body to the right a little

and your head to the left.

And just move a little--

like that.

Shut up and let me concentrate.

They're not responding, either of them.

How we looking?

Nah, worth a shot, though.

Come on.

I'm starting to freak the fuck out.

I gotta go home.

It's just a dream, Doreen.

Well, then I'm dreaming I'm going home.

I don't remember this place looking

like a Persian opium den.

It didn't.

Something's different.

I don't recall packing any of this vintage gear, either.

Well, whenever you figure out what's going on around here,

give me a call--

or don't.

I don't care.

I'm out of here.

Wait!

Are you sure you're all right to drive?

Because I, for one, am feeling all aflutter.

I mean, maybe we just sit down for a minute

and drink some water, take a breather?

I don't think water is going to cut it.

I mean, you're seeing what I'm seeing, right?

This place looks like Caligula's pool house.

I'm rooting for you, Time.

Good luck with all of this.

Oh, what the shit now?

You called for a paramedic?

Yeah, sorry, false alarm, my wife, she panics.

Wait, you can see us?

It seems a silly question, you're

standing right in front of me.

You're sure you're all right, ma'am?

She's fine.

I asked the lady.

It's Doreen, and I'm fine, really.

It's just been a really long night.

Is that so?

You did a bit of partying, yes?

Just a bit, maybe.

You enjoy each other's company, this is true?

Are you for real?

Yes, I'm a professional medical person.

Could I be any less?

No offense, but your get up looks like you got it

from a Halloween supply store.

This is our summer uniform.

It does get so hot out there.

It's February.

Often, a night of indulgence will

take its toll the next day.

Your tender body could be dangling

on the edge of oblivion without you ever knowing,

then, all of a sudden--

Yeah, that's what got my cousin--

of course, she was like 400 pounds and snorted fentanyl.

So maybe, while I'm here, I check your vitals.

I should probably get some clothes on.

Yes, go and do that-- no one is stopping you.

Now, lie down here, darling.

It's Doreen, but people always get it mixed up.

I just bet they do.

OK, well, you'll call me as soon as their condition

changes, right?

OK, will do.

Thanks.

Right, this is still happening.

Hey, Mom.

Ah, crap, anybody but Peggy.

They're saying it isn't good.

The doctors think they must have taken something.

I don't know.

No, I was already asleep.

Yeah, they were together.

I don't know if they were together together, though.

I don't recognize a damn thing in my closet,

but it's all fabulous, and it fits like a glove.

No, I wouldn't say I'm better off.

Yes, the policy is still current.

Christ, Mom, he's not even dead yet.

Damn, Peggy, you never even gave me a chance.

Doreen Dukes.

Hi, I'm Tim.

This is my house, or it was, anyway.

I'm not really sure what's going on now.

And, of course, you can't hear me.

Nice.

I can hear you.

I was just tuning you out.

Yeah, people do that.

Would you like a tarot reading, Tim?

Tarot's not really my cup of meat.

I'm a Taurus-- we're skeptical.

Just my little joke.

You know, it's actually really nice to see you, Jane.

Is it?

Pick one.

Now I know this is all a dream.

And if I'm dreaming, and you're Jane Fortune,

that means the sexy paramedic must be--

We are now fabulous!

Bitchin'.

Oh, Doreen Dukes, you got the form of a true sexual villain.

If you say so.

How is all this possible, anyway?

What's the deal with this place?

What do you know about astral projection, my dear?

Not much, just what I've seen in comic books and Kung Fu

movies.

You get the gist of it, then.

Same rules apply.

Through meditation and rigorous experimentation,

Cass, Gerald, and I have managed to project our consciousnesses.

Consciousnesses?

Consciousni?

Into this pocket dimension we've created.

Where we can live out our every fantasy in an eternity

of sensual bliss.

So your husband's a super scientist,

your BFF is a telepath, you are--

The model of physical perfection.

So you all combined your immense talents to, what,

haunt an eternal hellscape of '80s erotica?

Precisely.

Assuming I'm buying all of this, that

would explain why you're here--

What about us, me and Doreen, why did you bring us here?

This card represents your past,

your present, and your future.

I couldn't help but notice you pointedly ignored my question.

The fool.

I'm tired of this already.

The Page of Cups reversed.

OK, I'll bite-- what's the Page of Cups?

The cups is the emotional suit in tarot.

It represents imagination and creativity.

Oh, that's not too far from the mark

there, if I'm being honest.

And here the card is facing me, which suggests insecurity.

Maybe your immature ways are catching up to you?

Maybe you feel like you're a disappointment?

Or that you don't measure up, sexually or otherwise?

Does that seem accurate?

Moving on.

I am Cassandra Essex, and I am here

to revolutionize your body.

You will test the limits of your strength

and the bounds of pleasure.

You will do things you never knew possible.

Let's breathe.

Together, we will unify your body, mind, and spirit.

Will you come with me on this journey, Maya?

We got lonely, so sue us.

We managed to establish a silky thin bond

with the outside world, so it's only

natural we should try to spread the gospel, as it were.

Spread the gospel?

Is that what you call abducting innocent people?

Now, were you so innocent, vetting your best friend's

beau?

One indiscretion, and you decide to trap

us in your sex dimension?

There's an idea for a feature film,

Enter the Next Dimension--

the Sex Dimension!

Oh, already your enrich our world.

Do you not agree, the villainous Doreen Dukes?

I wish you'd stop calling me that.

Doreen Dukes, the conjugal conqueror.

Knock it off.

The beast of the boudoir!

OK, one more.

The titan of the titty fuck!

That's the one.

Oh, we will have such fun here.

Can't you imagine it?

Can't you just imagine the fun?

I'm trying, I really am.

But it's just so quiet here.

Oh, we're working on that.

I don't get it.

What's the big deal?

Ah, it's probably nothing.

Well, gauging your reaction--

The Eight of Swords is a tricky card.

And it isn't so much the meaning of that specific card

as it is in relation to the other cards in your pull.

OK, so what's the relation, then?

Ah, here's our hostess now.

Hostess?

This is my house.

Not in this dimension, Jimothy.

It's Timothy.

Tim's fine.

You look just like your videos.

But of course you do--

I've never seen you age.

This is how I'd remember you.

Yes, whatever little deceptions

you need to convince yourself you didn't get in way

over your head, you do that.

The rest of us will be enjoying this heaven we created.

I see you've been enjoying yourself.

Cassex isn't the place for shame, Timothy.

I just didn't realize we were

branching out on our own little sexual misadventures.

I didn't know we were at that part.

Well, I'm at that part.

I flew past that part.

She slid right into it, Jimothy.

I can't say who seduced whom.

That's great, ladies.

I'm happy for you.

You don't seem happy.

You seem very salty.

Yeah, what's the deal, Tim?

Why so salty?

I thought a sex dimension would totally be your thing.

I don't know.

Maybe I just gotta get used to it.

Maybe, for me, it's not so much a sex dimension.

Maybe it's a different dimension for different people.

He's right, in a way.

But, for me, it's a sex dimension.

Yeah, I think I want to be in a sex dimension, too,

ultimately.

Well, that's great, Doreen.

It sounds like you've made up your mind.

Jane and I will just go back to whatever it is we were doing.

I have oracles to consult.

Ah, Jane.

Good morning, Dr. Ray.

Yes, I understand.

How long is that?

Brain damage?

I didn't know we were talking about that.

I know, every hour counts.

I've got to go, Dr. Ray.

What are you smiling at, bitch?

All right, I'm ready to go.

Come on, beam me in.

Sorry for the bitch comment.

Come on, let's go.

What do I gotta do?

Get sexy?

What do you want?

I know you're behind this, Cassandra Essex.

Just tell me what you want so we can get this over with.

Naughty, naughty.

Have you been bad?

Have you been really naughty?

Have you been naughty enough?

OK, I got this.

Naughty-- naughty?

How does a suburban housewife get naughty?

Oh, wow, the internet has a surprising number of resources

on the subject, hm.

Brilliant, I'll fuck the pool boy.

Garbage, garbage, garbage, hotness,

garbage, garbage, garbage, garbage, mega hotness.

That's it.

Let's see who slides into my DMs.

I wonder if Tim's brother knows he's in a coma.

Shit, shit, shit, shit.

No.

Shit, shit.

Shit.

She can't hear you.

How do you know?

I can be real annoying when I want to be.

This whole place operates on her own will,

so I assume she just chooses not to.

Well, how do I get out of here, then?

Come on, Jane, you gotta help me, please.

You just need to focus your will and consciousness

into your physical form.

That's it?

Like this?

Maybe you're distracted.

You think?

I've had a raging chub since I got here.

This place was designed to stimulate

the mind, body, and spirit.

I found that divinations do wonders

at restoring my balance.

Uh, whatever you think will help.

I think a bit of palmistry should do the trick.

You know, I would really appreciate that.

I mean, I'd do it myself, but I don't want to weird anyone out.

Someone call for a pizza?

Now, see here, I order meat and cheese pizza.

Yeah, here's the cheese.

Here's the meat.

Oh, wow, this is a lot of meat.

Do I have to pay extra for all this?

Uh, I don't know.

I can call my manager and find out.

I was just ad libbing, Gerald.

It's fine.

Maybe you say something like, just give me a big tip,

then I could say, you first--

or something similarly cheeky.

Won't that be fun?

Yeah, that's a good idea.

Should we start over?

No, let's move on to the naughty bits.

We'll pick up the dialogue later.

Gerald, come here.

Oh, Gerald, you animal!

Who's hungry for pizza?

Now that you immerse yourself in a Jacuzzi tub,

is it not a sensual experience, Doreen Dukes?

I've sat in a Jacuzzi tub before.

They're not, like, the new thing in my day.

Well, even a villain needs a good soak from time to time.

What's the deal with you and your whole villainy trip,

anyways?

Pioneering women have been demonized

and persecuted all the way back to Eve, the first scientist.

If I must be cast as a villain in order

to shed some light on this dark world, so be it.

Hm, that's kind of bad ass.

Are you happy here, Doreen Dukes?

Aren't your needs fulfilled?

I'm fine.

I just had a lot of things going on

back in the world, a lot of irons in the fire, sexually,

spinning a lot of plates of dick.

Oh, come now, what can we do to cheer you up?

Would you like to tease Gerald?

I don't think Gerald does it for me.

What about your little Timothy?

Without Maya around, what's the point?

Huh, you are an impish one, aren't you?

Well, your good friend will be here soon enough,

and you can torture her for an eternity.

You know, I've got a good mind to go to the Better

Business Bureau about this one.

I remember when we took pride in our jobs, no matter how lowly.

What are you going to do to make this right?

That's good.

Coming!

Sorry to keep you waiting, sir--

miss person.

I got your pizza!

Um, yeah, come in.

Uh, let me grab my wallet.

How much do I owe you?

$16.32.

Digging the vintage Quasar, X8-CCD, rad.

Flying erase head?

Nice.

Yeah, pay it no mind.

Is it recording right now?

Here's $20.

Keep the change.

Thanks, I've always been into old video cameras.

This one's dope.

I'm going to film school right now.

Is that right?

My husband, Tim, went to film school at UNOV.

Husband, huh?

Nuts.

Excuse me?

Uh, nothing, you're just dress really slutty to order a pizza,

thought this would be an easy score.

Score?

Well, you know, I work for tips.

Is that right, Miss--

Starhawk.

Oh, is that right Miss Star--

Just Starhawk.

Mysterious.

Well, you can just call me Maya.

Maya Llewellyn, it's on the receipt.

Welcome to the party, Maya.

And, Starhawk, you're sure to find something that fits.

There's a cover charge if you want to watch.

No, there's no need for money here.

I think you'll find we're your type of people,

and this, your type of place.

I'm warning you, Starhawk, that may or may not be true.

This is a very strange lady.

Bitchin'.

That's what I said.

That's what everyone says.

Well, I don't find any of this very bitchin', Doreen.

You and I have a lot to talk about.

But, first, I need to find my husband and get out of here.

Isn't this your house?

It is on your homeworld, Starhawk,

but you have entered the next dimension, the sex dimension.

Nice.

Rad, I got that vibe.

You're really taking this in stride.

I'm a,, so, you know.

Par for the course, I guess.

Yeah.

Starhawk, I would peg you as the type of gal

who appreciates a well curated collection

of swings and waldos.

I knew it.

Yeah, I'm that type of gal, so what?

Join me in my dungeon--

I'm sure you'll feel right at home.

What about these two?

These ladies have some catching up to do,

but they are welcome to join us when they're finished.

Are you happy now, Doreen?

You've dragged my husband into some kind

of porno ghost planet.

We've been calling it a sex demotion.

Yeah, I heard that when Cassandra said it, real cute.

You're in a coma right now, you know that?

Yeah, in the real world.

Great you can be so cavalier about all this.

What do you want me to do?

You're freaking out enough for the both of us.

I mean, leave it to Maya to show up to the party

just to kill the vibe.

The vibe assassin, that's your Cassex name.

You know what?

I have no idea what you're talking about,

and I don't care.

I just want to find my husband and get out of this nightmare

before I get brain damage!

Uh, come in?

Do people even knock here?

Rad sex dungeon.

Tim, it is I, the virtuoso of venereal video,

Cassandra Essex.

Yeah, we've met.

You don't have to do the whole thing.

And speaking of that meeting, I

fear we got off on the wrong foot, as the gypsies say.

Well, you're using my actual name.

That's a good start.

Yeah, see, I don't know what this is.

I admit I've been a poor hostess.

You've been such a fan for so long, and it was ghastly of me

to keep you waiting.

Well, until yesterday, I actually never heard of--

And it would be remiss of me not to make

it up to you any way I can.

Oh, I appreciate that, Cassandra.

It would be nice to be included in the sexy fun, you know?

Uh, hello, I don't believe we've met.

I'm Starhawk.

Is this your place?

No.

Well, kind of, I guess.

I don't actually know anymore.

Because this is, like, the third coolest sex

dungeon I've ever seen.

You know, this place can be kind of groovy

if you just go with the flow.

If you want to stay here, that's on you.

You're a big girl.

What if Tim wants to stay here, too?

Are you prepared for that?

Tim talks tough, but, I promise you,

he's more creeped out by this place than I am.

Hell yeah, I didn't know it was that kind of party!

Maya, this isn't what it looks like.

What, are you rehearsing a play?

Not helping, Doreen.

This is between me and my husband.

Oh my God, you're the husband?

This is so embarrassing for me--

unless--

Dammit, Starhawk, can you give us a minute?

That Starhawk, she's a kook, but you got to love her,

am I right?

You too, Doreen, beat it!

Whatever.

Come on, Starhawk, let's go raid Cassandra's panty drawer.

This is bad, Tim.

I know.

You'll probably never forgive me.

It'll be tough, but I have to--

we made a vow.

I know that whatever happened in here,

you weren't in the right state of mind,

and you went through an ordeal.

We can get you the help you need back home.

I know we can get through this together, the Tim-Maya way.

Oh, this couch is very wet.

Thank you, Maya.

You came to another world to save me, and save me you did.

And I know we can get through this together.

And I understand how you feel.

When I first got here, the landscape was so familiar,

yet unfamiliar all at once.

Tim--

But once I kind of got my head right

and I started to get into the swing of things,

I'm kind of crushing it.

Like, I don't know how much of that you saw--

I saw enough.

Oh, baby, that's just the start.

I've never felt so virile!

Are you kidding me?

You just climbed off that party favor!

Oh, come on, that's not real.

It's Cassex.

You know what?

You're right, Tim.

Really?

And, I'll have to admit, since I've been here,

I've been feeling certain urges.

So why resist?

I know you're not one for dark fantasies,

but those girls out there can come up with something for you.

Actually, I have a certain fantasy

that has really captured my imagination as of late.

Mrs. Llewellyn, you dirty bird!

This is the perfect place to scratch that itch.

If you wanted lingerie, all you had to do

was ask.

I don't feel comfortable with you wearing mine.

Oh, did I break a rule?

I didn't know such a thing was possible in Cassex.

I feel like I'm making that a rule

now, doll, then that's it.

That's the only rule--

no swapping panties.

Maya, what a commanding entrance.

Where can I chain this up?

I'm thrilled you've decided to join us in our reverie.

I'm down to clown, Cassandra.

Whatever batshit crazy super orgy you have planned,

count me in.

I only have one condition--

that's my shit.

Nobody touches that without my permission.

If it is his will, so be it.

But you're fair game?

I saw you with Starhawk, kind of reminded

me of the night before graduation, no Tim around,

just us girls.

Funny what happens between friends when

inhibitions are stripped bare.

You will never believe this, but that was the exact copy

line for "How Can We Be Fuckers If We Can't Be Friends,"

part five, I believe.

Was it part three, Gerald?

Oh, you have such a good head for these matters.

Sometimes I wonder if Tim just complicated our friendship.

Do you think we would have been better off without him?

Hey, Gerald, isn't this great?

We're in the dog pack!

Glad to have you, Tim.

Don't worry, I won't snag all the poon.

I won't be greedy.

I can share.

I really hope this turns out how you want it.

How could it not?

I'm living the Gerald life!

You and me, we're a team!

Dog pack!

Do you think we should get a little doggy in on the action?

Come here, Gerald, Mommy needs that lipstick.

Yes, Gerald, an unexpected choice.

No!

Oh, and, doggy, enjoy spending the rest

of eternity watching your wife take it from a hippie cruster.

No!

No!

No!

No!

Welcome all to the world of Cassex!