Original subtitles

Ah, game day!

Championship gameday!

Did I ever think we were gonna make it to the finals?

Hell no!

Uh, did I think I was gonna roll my ankle this morning

doing squats in the kitchen? Also, no. but!

I'm jacked up on adrenaline and painkillers.

Nothing is gonna get in the way of us winning today, nothi--

Ah, there's the team!

Winning time!

That was cool, right? - That was so cool!

- Sup, man! - Hey.

I'll take one of your finest wieners.

- There you go! - Thank you very much, sir!

- Enjoy it! - It's free?

- For you? Yeah! - Holy shit, thanks a lot!

- Win that game! - Pound it, man!

- You got it, brother! - Cheers!

Come on, Brovaries, let's do this!

Do you know where Sasha is? It's weird she isn't here yet.

She hasn't even responded to any of my texts since yesterday.

Oh, you're talking to me? Sasha? Yeah, I um,

I don't see her here, so yeah, you're right about that.

Sasha saw Joanne kissing Leanne, that's why she's not here.

And honestly, I'm pissed about it.

Because this whole season, Joanne's been all,

"Screw Leanne, gotta win the breakup!

Hey Sasha, do you wanna have undeniable chemistry?"

And Sasha's been burned so many times already.

But you know what? I don't judge,

I mind my business.

And Sasha said not to say anything, so I won't.

Maybe she broke her leg.

Yeah. No, Sasha would not miss this.

This game, this team, it's everything, right?

Like, we have to win this game, I have to win this game,

I have to win the breakup! - Oh yeah, Joanne?

You gotta win the breakup?

How you gonna do that, by kissing it?

What?

Hello! Yes. I just wanna say, uh, good luck.

And also, uh, have a great game.

And also Boris, can I please talk to you

at the water fountain? I have a very pertinent matter

to discuss. - Yes, Barbara,

what is the pertinent matter that you need to be discussed?

Oh God, Barbara! - Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. You're so hot.

Okay, I'm gonna do it. - What?

- Mm-hmm, I'm gonna do it. - What?

When I throw out that first pitch,

I'm gonna say right into the microphone,

"I am Barb Barbaretti,

I'm a bisexual Italian woman, and I like Boris!"

Oh my God, you're such a good speechwriter!

Um, okay, Barb.

Like, uh, I just want to say one thing

we kind of danced around a little bit.

- Yeah. - Your husband,

should I, like, be feeling bad about that?

Oh, God no! He's a total loser.

He travels for work and I get the hotel bills,

and there's a lot of pay per view porn charges, actually.

Gay pay per view porn charges.

- Oh. - Yeah.

Oh my God, and I will, I'm gonna give it all up,

all of it. The respect of my community,

my corporate life, my possibly gay husband, Brian!

- Wow! - Because I have never

felt like this about anyone. - Let's make out!

- Okay! - Okay!

Wow!

In conclusion,

let's show them what we're made of!

- Yeah! - Bullshit?

Zari! What's your problem?

- Sasha saw you kiss Leanne! - What? Joanne, no!

- Coach! - She saw you kiss Leanne,

and that's why she's not here,

and that's why she's not coming back.

- She's not coming back? - What did you expect?

Every time she was there for you,

you were caught up with Leanne, and then, that kiss?

No! Leanne kissed me!

She, she showed up at the bar like a crazy stalker,

and then she sang me a song, a-a-and...

She kissed me. But I pushed her away!

Oh, oh my God! Oh, thank God!

Oh, I really did not want to be mad at you, I'm so sorry!

Okay, but Sasha obviously didn't see

the rejection part, though! - Aw shit!

Joanne, let's go!

We gotta win you this breakup!

Guys, I think I gotta go find Sasha!

Okay, but the game is about to start.

- It's not a game without Sasha. - Well, we're short players,

so we'd have to forfeit without her.

So, Barb Barbaretti, my girlfriend,

is gonna come out as my lover

and quit her job as city councillor

when she throws the first pitch,

and then we're gonna go to a hotel,

which is not important information right now,

but, why was I talking?

Oh, right! Because, it's gonna,

it's gonna help you stall the game.

- We got you, Coach. - Go get your girl!

Okay. Sasha, here I come!

Yeah just, just stall as long as you can, okay?

Welcome to the Mississauga

Slo-Pitch League Championships!

Yes, thank you for coming!

The talking, the anthem, we got, yeah--

Yeah, we have tons of time. The talking, the anthem,

the speeches, it's all... it'll be all right.

- Okay, shut up, okay. - Surprisingly lighter

than it looks, awesome trophy,

and a $100 gift certificate to the Beer Store.

Brrrrr! That's ours!

- Wooo! - And now,

to sing our national anthem, please welcome--

Just like we practiced, okay?

- I know what I'm doing. - Okay.

...local real estate legend, Leanne McBride, everybody!

Haha, yeah! Let's go, bae, let's go!

Sing it nice and long!

Take your time, girl!

Be respectful of everyone, be respectful.

Oh yeah, respect. Respect.

♪ Oh Canada ♪

♪ Our home and native land ♪

♪ True patriot love ♪

There's no way Barb Barberetti is gonna come out

in front of all these people, at a championship game?

She will!

We shared a very romantic conversation.

- Yeah? - Mm-hmm.

I think I'm in love with her, Annie!

No, you're not, Boris!

One day, you'll learn what it's like to be truly in love.

- Uh-huh? - Mm-hmm!

Well, she has a husband, so.

Yeah, but he's a gay loser who's addicted to porn,

so she's gonna leave him, and then she's gonna fly me

to Palm Springs for Dinah Shore. - Oh!

That, that's grown up love!

Hmm, grown up love, maybe I should give it a go.

Sounds nice. - Mm-hmm.

Ahh, don't try to steal my thing.

You're so good at being like a Playboy slut, you know?

- Right. Mm-hmm. - Maybe just ask Barb

for a promotion. - Oh! Yeah!

I like that, that's very grown up.

- Very grown up! - Oh! Speaking of grown up,

Lee, did you invite the Hot Hostess?

- Oh-la-la! Bongiornito! - Hi!

- Hello! - Hey!

- Hi! - Play it cool, man!

♪ We stand on guard ♪

♪ For theeeeeee ♪

Um, stall, um--

- Come on, we need more-- - Encore!

- Sing more! - Keep going!

- More! - Sing more, Leanne!

- Do it again! - Encore!

- It was so beautiful! - Oh, my God!

Usually, I just sing

the first verse, you guys!

Um, I mean, I could do the French version!

- We love French! - Oooh, or a jazzy version?

- Just sing, man! Fuck. - Yes! Do jazz!

♪ Oh Canada ♪

♪ Our home and native land True! Patriot Love! ♪

Look. If you don't give me the hot dog stand,

you're basically saying that you don't care if I die alone,

and I lose the championships,

and that my life is completely ruined by my ex-girlfriend!

- Is she the one singing? - Yeah.

Oof! Take it.

$200 when you bring it back, $400 if you fuck up the wiener!

You got it! Will not fuck up the wiener!

Good.

What am I doing here?

What the fuck?

Joanne!

- Hey! - What are you doing?

- I was coming to get you! - On that!

I know how much you like hot dogs!

♪ God keep our land ♪

♪ Glorious and free Oh! Canada! ♪

♪ We stand on ga-ha-ha-ha-hard ♪

♪ For thee ♪ - What a beat!

Wow!

Leanne McBride, everybody!

And now, to throw out the first pitch of the game,

is our own city councillor, Barb Barberetti!

Yeah, Barb!

- Let's go, Barb! - That's our city councillor!

- You got this! - Woo!

Don't be nervous!

Hey, Barb, I don't know if now's a good time--

- It's not! - But uh, do you think I could

be promoted to assistant manager, maybe?

Yeah sure, fine, whatever.

It's as easy as that!

- Hey, way to go! - Hey, boss!

Go on, now!

Oh no.

What? What, what, what is it?

Oh, no. It's my nonna.

My 91-year-old Italian Catholic nonna

who might have a heart attack if I--

Don't think about it! She'll forget, or die.

Either way! - Oh God!

I don't think so, Barberettis never forget.

- No fear! - Okay.

You got this! You got this!

Mrs. Barberetti? - Let's go, Barb!

Okay! Hey! This is fun!

- Woo! That's our girl! - Barbie World, Barbie Girl!

Hello, everybody,

thank you so much! Before we start this game,

I just wanted to say a few words.

- Take your time! - The more, the better!

- Hahaha! - So today,

I am here as a proud sponsor

of the Public Lass Brovaries.

Brovaries!

- Brrrrrr! - But the truth is,

Uh I, I have being living a bit of a lie.

Yes, I am here as a proud sponsor and ally,

but I am more than that.

The uh, the truth is,

I would like to... come out.

Yes. I would like to...

Come out...

as...

a sports fan.

Because I love sports, so much!

And I love to play sports.

And games. And so...

Okay.

Yep. Good.

Haha, that's fun. Okay.

Barb Barberetti!

A, uh, beautiful story

from our new city councillor, Barb Barberetti.

Okay. I, I know you think you know what happened

between me and Leanne, but it isn't what happened.

She ambushed me! And then...

yeah, she kissed me,

but um, I didn't kiss her back!

I-I'm over her, I'm-I'm so, so, so, so, so, so over her!

Are you?

Yeah.

'Cause I'm into someone else.

You know, I really want to believe you, Joanne.

I mean, you're here, right?

Yeah, 'cause I know how important this game is to you,

but also, like,

I really thought that this could be something,

I really thought maybe, I could fall in love,

and not get shit on, and then, wham!

You're kissing Leanne!

I get it, I get it. Yeah.

But um, maybe we buried

the lead here, um.

Love?

Well, I don't fucking know!

What do we do?

Now, I would love to take this opportunity

to tell my own coming out story of being a sports fan--

She was talking to the Commissioner!

- What? - More importantly, I just

received some extremely disturbing news,

that the Public Lass Brovaries

do not have enough members to actually qualify as a team,

therefore, they have to forfeit the game!

No, we just need five minutes!

What the hell, man? I thought we were buds,

we smoked weed in my basement! - Uh, rules are rules, losers!

You told them that we don't have enough players?

- I've had enough of this bitch! - Wait, no! Don't!

Come at me, losers!

Come on, what are you gonna do? Lose all over me?

Uh, hey, sports fans, I just want you to know

I did not smoke weed in this person's basement,

I never touch the stuff! Okay?

But now it is my pleasure

to crown the new Champions, Tech-Ass!

Brovaries!

Oh my God! Joanne! Sasha!

Yeah!

Wait!

Start the game!

Let's win this thing.

Brovaries!

Fine, let's play ball!

One, two, three, Tech-Ass!

The Tech-Ass Rangers.

Oh, I just figured it out, it sounds like Texas.

Beautiful!

- That's it! - What a play!

Hey, Joanne! How's the ankle?

Doing fine. I got this.

- Come on, Brovaries! - That's what I'm talking about!

Close game now,

as we head into the bottom of the third.

- Yes! - Yes!

- Mellie! - Thank you!

- Looking good out there! - Barb, I'm really busy

right now, and your perfume is distracting me in a bad way.

- So you're mad at me now? - Nope!

Look, I wanted to come out.

I swear, I did! But then, I-I thought, what if I lose

my family? And my job.

How am I gonna look into Nonna's clouded eyes at Christmas time?

So what you're saying is that you like money

and your job and your dying grandma

more than you like me. - And what you're saying is that

I should give it all up for a woman I had sex with

in a Taco Bell parking lot one time?

Yes! Barbara, your life is boring!

Don't you want it to be exciting?

My life is not boring.

Your life is insane!

I don't even know where you live!

And you never will.

You know what, that's too bad, 'cause I just got an air fryer.

Have a nice life, Barbara.

You got this, Sasha!

That's cold. Let's go, Sasha!

Yeah, Sasha! - Yeah!

- Yeah, Sasha! - Let's go!

Lee! He doesn't know Leanne kissed Joanne, does he?

Uh...

I'm gonna have to say something.

For his sake, and ours.

- You good, Zari? - No.

Sometimes, I'm bad.

But always for the greater good.

Because with great power, comes great responsibility.

Tobey Maguire! So real.

Yeah.

Three strikes, you're out!

- God damn it! - Thank you. Thank you!

Hey, Roy? Um, do you have a good therapist?

- Uh... - Just, don't turn

to the drink after I rip this Band-Aid off, okay?

Leanne kissed Joanne,

and said that she wants to get back together with her.

Oh.

That doesn't bother you?

No.

Look alive, Brovs, okay? Play goes to first!

Shit hitter! - Hey, Roy!

Looking, uh, a little glum, huh?

What's going on? - You good, bro?

Roy?

You okay?

Batter up!

You sure?

Yeah!

Oh! Rough day for the Tech-Ass captain,

but respect for a man who's not afraid to cry in public!

- What's wrong? - What the?

I told him!

She said that you, you kissed her, and then--

Zari! Dirty trick! Good work!

Joanne kissed me!

I was like, "What are you doing?"

She kissed me! - She kissed you?

- She's obsessed with me. - Okay.

Alright.

Okay! Eat shit, homewrecker!

Yeah!

- Go, go! - Okay, come on!

Yeah!

Woo!

Zari!

Hustle, hustle!

- Good job, baby! - Brrrr!

Let's go, Zari!

Good, babe! You're safe!

Keep this safe.

Well, folks, it's bottom of the ninth,

two out, and this is the last chance

for the Brovaries to tie it up.

Up to bat now is Joanne Pico.

Joanne, wait! What about your ankle?

I'm good.

- Kill it. - Let's go, Jo!

Go Jo Pico! Bap-bap! Bo-bap-bap!

Any more relationships you wanna destroy?

And that is out of the park!

Looks like a home run for the Brovaries!

Augh!

Joanne!

- Yeah, get up! - Come on!

- You can do it! - You got this!

Oh, no!

Ooh!

Ouch!

That is tough, but if she can't complete the run,

the Brovaries lose the championship.

Joanne! You don't have to do this!

It's okay, I can do it!

Enough.

- Mel, what are you doing? - Getting her home.

No.

No, no, no!

- Coach! - No! No.

I can't let you guys down!

You didn't!

Come on.

- On three. - Around me.

One, two, three!

Up! Okay.

Take her to third. Come on, here we go.

Well, folks, we are witnessing a pretty heartwarming,

but still completely illegal play happening right now.

- And, ugh! - Nice.

You know that's illegal, right?

Shut up, Roy!

- Nice and easy. - It's the last run.

Does that count? - No, it's not gonna count.

And, like I said, she's out!

That was illegal, so that's game over, folks!

Congratulations to the Tech-Ass Rangers,

our new league champions!

Babe, I, are you okay?

Yeah.

What are you doing?

Uh, I thought we were all doing it!

Oof, I'm not breaking my sobriety for you, man!

Yeah, that's fair. Oh, looks like

you're getting another shot, though!

Sierra, I know what that looked like--

It's okay.

Do you wanna come over later?

Yeah! Um, okay, but I have to tell you,

I'm just gonna say it!

I'm a virgin.

Me too.

See you tonight? - Yeah.

You doing okay?

That was kinda rough.

Joanne has won her breakup.

Now it's time for me to win mine!

Boris, where are you going?!

Okay, see you at the bar!

Who's that fancy man Mel's talking to?

Um, I don't know, a creditor or something?

Huh.

Alright! Break it up, you lovebirds, have a beer!

Brovaries, bring it in!

To the best team in the league,

no matter what the score says!

Wait, where's Boris?

Hello, Brovaries group chat!

It is me, Boris, speaking.

I'm currently running to the airport,

because I'm flying back to Germany.

Please do not tell Barbara that I am running away,

she should in no circumstances come and try to stop me,

but uh, listen, if you do tell her,

then uh, I will forgive you immediately.

Anyways, Boris, over and out!

Goodbye... forever!

- Chug! Chug! - Come on, Joanne!

- No, no, no, no, no! - Yeah, baby!

Sasha!

Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!

Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!

- Beer's on me tonight! - Mel! Generous!

Hey, hey! Ya can't take it with you!

Oh, except you can, 'cause you live in a van!

True!

Sierra, two pitchers, please!

So um, Extraliga made me an offer.

Extraliga, is that sexual?

It's a pro league in the Czech Republic.

Decent money.

- Oh, that's enticing! - Mm-hmm. Yes, it is.

Wow. You're going to the Czech Republic,

Boris is in Germany.

Next year's gonna look pretty different.

- For real. - Hey, Assistant Manager!

- Yes, ma'am! - Oh my God, you're so annoying.

Uh, you might wanna try to look sharp,

your new boss is coming in.

- Sorry, new boss? - Yeah, the campaign

cost more than I thought, so I sold the bar.

Too many memories.

But the good news is, the new owner has agreed

to sponsor the team next year, so, you're alright!

Who's this new boss?

Hi, guys!

Joanne!

Barb? - Ohh!

- Do you have the keys? - I do!

Ahh!

This feels so good! - Yeah.

Like being an owner. Oh, thank you, babe!

This is the best wedding present ever!

Sorry, you're my new boss?

Oh, yes, yes!

Barb told me that she promoted you,

and um, I'm gonna make it my first order of business

to make you my Personal Assistant Manager,

which means you'll be my personal assistant,

and a manager. - Well, that's fun!

I'm gonna call you PAM!

Alright, let's get another round!

- Yeah! - Pitchers! Pitchers, please!

Lots of them!

- Definitely more beer! - Best coach in the league!

Best coach in the league!

Yeah!

♪ Hockey, soccer, basketball ♪

♪ Girl, I heard you play them all ♪

♪ Well, me I always drop the ball ♪

♪ Never stood a chance at all ♪

Uh, Mrs. Flight Attendant?

Uh, I tried to ding the bell thing,

but it's not working. Anyways, my heart's broken,

so I'm gonna need as many beers as you can bring, please!

♪ But you, you're a superstar ♪

♪ Out of bounds I've gone too far ♪

♪ Cross my heart and hope to die ♪

♪ Can't believe I'm at tryouts ♪

♪ Girl, you make me wanna play the field ♪

♪ Can't explain all of the things you make me feel ♪

♪ I wanna join your team Yeah, I'm for real ♪

♪ There's not a thing I wouldn't do ♪

♪ To hang out with you ♪

♪ Because girl you make me wanna play the field ♪

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