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- Nothing is wrong.

The baby let is right. That's why.

Break cold, sweat in the middle of the night,

chills to the bone, you through and through.

All I want to do is drive all night with you.

- Saturday - Night, about half past eight out cruising BBC

eight from 78 picked up Sophie.

She's good with net.

Gotta keep going for gets too late some go, go, go.

Every the time. Go, go, go. We'll be right on time.

- Everything is always alright.

- We're driving all night, - Driving

- All night, - Driving

- All night - Driving

- All pull to a hippie in a cool 57.

He had bloodshot eyes

and a sleazy girlfriend didn't

know exactly what I should do.

Go, go, go, go, go right on time.

- Everything is always

- Alright.

When you driving all night. Driving all

- Night, - Driving all night,

- Driving - All

- Night.

- Six Soper. Winner put you do the

- Gear, - Make my hair ruffling, take away my fear.

Much so smoothly. Sink grows tight.

Come on Brittany, baby, let's drive all night

and go, go, go, go, go, go. With the right on time.

- Everything is alright. - Driving all,

- All night driving.

- All, all.

Nothing is wrong. A baby less his rides.

Why break cold sweat in the middle of the night.

Chill the bone. Yeah, through and through.

All I want to do is drive all night and go, go, go.

Everything's fine. Go, go, go. With the ride on time.

- Everything is always alright.

- When we driving all night, - Driving

- All night, - Driving

- All night.

- When does people Supreme Divorce Court? Come on.

I love that show.

- Oh, me too. - Did you see the one

where the Rajni Baan was taking 14-year-old girls up into

the mountains and doing all kind of things to him

after he got 'em to sign over their savings bonds?

- Yeah. And then when their mother went up there,

she signed over the house and the car and the family

- Business.

- Exactly. And then when the husband found out he tried

to sue her for divorce on account

of giving away everything he had,

- But - They found out that he was depositing all his

assets into his secretary.

So the rise knees got to keep it all. I can't believe

- You guys take this bullshit.

Seriously. What do you

- Mean bullshit, man? Bullshit

- Shows you taken from Real, real.

Come on,

you are wrong.

No waste. Hey guys, what's a good word?

I'm telling you, man. It all

big. Hey,

- What are these three but naked girls doing in our hallway?

- You are full of it, - Man.

- It's your two bucks. Would you like Mary Sue Marlow Orana.

- This is Sid Witherspoon, Supreme Grand

and President of Lambda Alpha Ada calling from

national headquarters.

Would he be asking too much

to have chapter president Richard Spencer come to the phone?

- Yeah. One minute. Hello brother.

Supreme Master Sid Local President Richard Spencer here.

- Brother Spencer. Who is that I was talking to?

- That was Pledge Smith Smiths or Alex Smith.

You know those freshmen? They can get pretty cocky.

- I don't remember any new recruits on the pledge

list last semester.

- Well, he was added a little late.

See, we lamb us over here at State have some real high

standards and we thought we needed some more

time to evaluate

- Him.

- I can see though that even though we did take the time,

the size of the situation, our judgment was an error.

I will see to it that pledge Smith is expelled.

- That's very good, Richard.

We don't want any deadbeats becoming Lambdas.

- I agree wholeheartedly, sir.

- Which brings me to the reason why I called.

- Yes sir. - According

to our records here at National Headquarters, I noticed

that your chapter has only four members.

Is that true?

- Four quality members, sir.

- And that you're all graduating seniors.

- That's true. We're all graduating in June. Sir.

- Even that ignoramus Charlie Phelps is graduating. Correct?

- Everyone deserves their day in the sun, don't they, sir?

- I I suppose so.

But that's not the point you see when you boys leave,

assuming you'll all graduate, there'll be nothing left

of Lamba Al Alpha ADA at State University.

- Oh, that would be too bad, sir.

- Well, I'm glad you understand bridge.

Those were some of the happiest days in my life

and I hate to see it all end over there at stake.

Now I know you feel the same way

and you'd never let that happen, would you son?

- How did he do that? No, sir.

Let me tell you, I'll do everything humanly possible

to ensure that the traditions

of good old Lambda Alpha ADA are carried

on for years to come.

- Well, I'm glad we had this little chat, Richard,

and if there's anything I can do

with your recruiting efforts, you just give me a call.

- I will, sir. Thank you. Lambda Alpha Ada forever. Sir.

- Goodbye. - Goodbye.

- What a boy. - Well,

that's last official bullshit call for us.

They won't be calling again till spring.

- You never know. I may still be here.

Still have to pass the math competency test.

- God, I am getting so big.

Women already fight over me. What's gonna happen next?

- I can't wait till tomorrow. - Oh yeah. Why is that?

- Because I get better looking every day.

- I would hope so. Starting

with such humble beginnings. Hey,

- Enough of this internal squabbling.

I mean, let's face the truth. We're all studs.

Listen, I've got this little problem

that I might need your guys' help to deal with.

- Sure thing, bud. Do you

- Want me to kick someone's ass?

I think that might be a bit harsh.

You know that Dweeb Richie from Lambda Alpha Ada? Yeah.

Well that son of a bitch was supposed

to let me cheat off his anthropology midterm. Yeah.

- So what happened? - So I got my test back today

and I had a big one legged A on it.

A what? I failed Chip

- Hell bud.

I got a D and I answered A for everything.

- Yeah, but see that's not what we're talking about here.

See that son of a bitch, he got an A.

So that can only mean that he purposely slipped

me the wrong answers. Why would he do that?

- Zeta Alpha Mu won't stand for this sort of thing, will we?

- I gotta kick his ass.

I need some time

to think about just the right way to handle this one.

- So I think we should go with the anti-drug project.

It would be really good for everybody.

- Well, - It would look good on my resume,

but I wanna do the fraternity project.

- We've done this every year.

Don't you think it's about time we do something

that might make a difference.

- The only reason you don't want

to do the fraternity project is

because Richie's in the geek house.

- They're not geeks. They're just different.

- Oh, that's an understatement.

I mean, have you ever seen these guys?

We are talking majorly Geek-O-rama.

I mean, don't you think it's little queer going out

with a guy who wears an earring?

Take two. You'll feel better.

- Bam. I've seen this one already.

- Me too. The school teacher really was trying

to help the kids after class.

But the nurse, that's another story.

- I guess no one ever told her.

You don't have to give second graders hernia

examinations twice a week.

- I wish I was one of those. Those kids. The names,

- Events, circumstances - And verdicts.

I wish I was one of those kids that got molested.

- I guess any action's better than no action.

- That's not what I mean.

Each one of those kids got awarded a million bucks

- Wallet. Did you sell that car yet?

- How can you sell a car with 560,000 miles on it? It's

- Not how many miles on it?

It's how many it has left. Oh,

- Get - A clue, Charlie.

No one's gonna buy that old pile of shit.

- Why don't you back off him? - Yeah, back off.

- You know guys, we've all been in this fraternity

for four years now.

Some of us more. Don't you think it's time

we got something out of it?

I mean, maybe Old Witherspoon has a point.

There is something to be said for tradition

and leaving a legacy, or at least

being remembered for something.

We could all come and go without anybody noticing.

Wally, you've been in the school now for 20 years.

Who's gonna remember you when you're gone?

- The lady at the loan office? Or did she retire already?

- You're all missing my point.

Let's make something happen here.

Leave our mark on State University.

Let's show assholes like the guys in the Zeta House,

that they're not the only ones

who know how to have a good time.

I propose throwing the greatest party in the history

of the school, if not the world.

Think about it. The Lambda House, packed with beer,

loud music, food.

And above all, for those of you who are unattached,

fabulous, fabulous babes.

- What should we do?

Well, we're gonna need some money.

And I think I know just where to get it.

- God damn, this feels good. And it's great to know.

I look even better getting all pumped up like this

makes me wanna kick someone's ass.

- Getting all pumped up like this makes pumping Muffin

that much more fun.

Let me tell you guys, there's nothing like throwing

that bitch on her stomach

and driving her home hell if her old man

gives me a good enough job I might even marry her.

- Gosh, bud. I feel the same way about Bambi.

- Well, you know what they say, great thinkers think alike.

- And of course Daddy thinks Bud is a fine gentleman.

But then who wouldn't?

Well, to be perfectly honest, bud is a nice guy and all.

But Cliff is better looking.

Well, that is a matter of opinion.

I mean, bud was voted best looking at his high school,

but that's not the whole reason why I like him so much.

Oh, he's everything I've ever wanted and more.

Oh, when we make love. Oh, he's so wonderful.

He's so caring

and so sensitive, so gentle.

Do you think you guys will get married?

Oh, of course we will. Right after graduation.

And I just know that Daddy will give Bud a good job

with the firm and he's gonna loan us enough money

for a down payment on a house.

It all looks so perfect. I know.

If I wasn't talking about myself,

I wouldn't believe it either.

Oh, let's go back to the house

and see what the guys are doing.

Okay.

- Sid Witherspoon, please.

Mr. Witherspoon, this is Richard Spencer,

local president over here at State.

- Hello, Richard. What can I do for you?

- Well, I was thinking about what you said

about continuing the Lambda tradition here at State,

and I was talking it over with some of the other brothers,

and we all feel really strongly about making sure we recruit

some new guys before the end of the semester.

The thing is, I consulted our treasurer brother

Scott Fields, and it seems our resources are all tapped out.

And I remember what you said about wanting to help out

with recruitment and all.

It seems the only thing that we're lacking is some funds.

- Are you asking for a handout, Richard? Richard?

- Absolutely not. I wouldn't think of such a thing.

On the contrary, I think of it as more of a loan

or better yet, an investment, sir.

An investment that would pay lifetime's worth of dividends.

An investment in brotherhood, an investment in tradition.

An investment in Lambda Alpha, Ada. Sir,

- We'll bring it up at the next regional meeting with you.

Why don't you send me a written

proposal and I'll get back to you.

- Thank you, sir. I won't disappoint you, sir. Bye-Bye.

Well, how do we do it? Did we get the money? Not exactly.

He wants us to send him some kind of a report

so he can bring it up at some meeting.

You'd think full grown men would've something better

to do than sit around and have Girl Scout meetings.

I know it's bullshit, but if we wanna get the money,

we're gonna have to play the game.

Do you think you could whip something out

on your computer real quick?

Sure. It doesn't have to be any kind of a big deal.

Just put some graphs and charts in it so it looks official.

Okay.

- Hi.

Hi guys. Hi.

- How was your alpha meeting with Trixie and Ditzy?

- Oh, like it always is. I'm gonna go use your phone.

Okay, sure.

- I have got to think of just the right way

to get back at Richie.

I'm telling you, bud. When someone gets out of line like that,

the only thing to do is to kick his ass.

Yeah. But remember Chip, we don't want any

of this getting back to the girls.

Well, we could wear stockings over our head when we kick his

ass that way nobody will know it was us.

- Damn. If I was Bambi, I'd be madly in love with me also.

- Hi boys. Bud.

Can I talk to you alone for a minute?

- Sure thing, babe. Let's go upstairs.

- Yeah. So meet me in front of the library at nine

and I'll give you my notes.

It's okay. I don't mind. Sure. Bye.

- You're so damn sweet. - It's no big deal.

You're always helping your friends

out with their schoolwork.

- Yeah, but at least I hassle him about it.

- You do not - My friend Bud got one hell

of a surprise on his anthro test today.

- Would you do? Isn't he paying you to slip him answers?

- He decided that the pleasure

of his company was more than enough compensation.

- Well, I hope you don't get yourself into trouble. Nah.

Don't you have better things to do with your time.

- Oh, bud. - I wanna swallow all your little

wiggly things.

- Name - A girl in her right mind. Who wouldn't?

- Oh, bud.

- Muffin said her and Bud are getting married

after graduation.

- Well, you know how I feel about you, babe.

- Yeah, but I'd love to hear you say it.

- Hey, cliff, wanna go a round? Throw around the Frisbee.

Cliff.

- Cliff. - Can't you see? I'm busy.

- I know it's tough, but try and control yourself.

- You knew they were out there, didn't you?

Jerk!

Was it as good for me as it was for me?

Yes.

It was.

Diane!

Oh, oh,

oh, oh.

Tell me again how big and strong I am.

Oh Bud, you're so big. You're so strong.

Oh, I couldn't imagine. Oh, I'm more perfect, man.

Oh, ah. Don't you know it baby.

You'll get nothing but the best from me.

Oh, oh, oh, oh,

oh, oh.

Oh, bud.

- Oh,

Bud honey, are you finished already?

- Hey Bud. Dude. Football game up front.

- Dude. I am all over it.

Just gimme a second to wipe myself off in here.

- Should have come out and watched me play, babe.

I was great. What's wrong?

Miss me that much already?

Don't worry about that, babe.

They have to average that one

with all the other ones, right?

- There haven't been any other midterms, Bud.

Why do you think they call them midterms?

If you don't get good grades, daddy won't be able

to give you a good job with the firm.

- But I thought he owned the firm?

- He does, but he does have investors

and associates that he would have to answer to.

I mean, all you have to do is get a B average

so it looks good.

It doesn't really matter if you've learned anything as long

as it looks like you did.

- Gosh, baby. I I didn't realize that it was

so important about my grades.

You can talk to him, can't you?

- I don't think so, Bud.

I've always told him how bright you are.

I couldn't very well change my story now could I?

- Don't worry about it, baby. My grades, they'll pick up.

- I know you can do it, Bud. Then we can get married.

Daddy will loan us the money for the down payment on a house

and maybe he'll send us to the Riviera on our honeymoon.

I mean, he's always known. That's where I want to go.

He's so wonderful. He reminds me of you.

- Well, - Well, you remind me of him.

Oh, I just can't wait to take those wedding pictures.

Oh, all dressed up and the flowers and you

and your white tuxedo and Bambi is the maid of honor.

And then we could take the pictures

to our high school reunion

and show everyone how happy we look.

Oh, won't that be wonderful?

- Yeah, man. Can't wait.

- Hell, I don't even want to graduate.

- What are you talking about? - Said I'll have

to pay back my student loans.

- We all have student loans to pay off.

- Quarter of a million dollars worth.

- That is a bit much. Think about how much you've learned.

- All I can think about is how much I'm gonna have to earn.

- Don't worry about it. These things have

ways of working themselves out.

Either that they'll send you to dead or prison.

- They don't still have those, do they?

- No. - Well, that's good.

'cause I saw the count of Monte Cristo once

and it took him 30 years to think of a way to get out.

But it, it worked out okay

because he, he got to find all this treasure

that the old man had left behind like 30 years before that.

- You'll be fine. I've got some thinking

to do. I'm gonna go take a drive.

- Wait, are you sure you don't wanna stay up with me

and watch Attack

of the Deadly Killer Nightmare Visitors from Hell?

- I don't think so. Take care.

Oh, oh,

oh.

Cliff. Cliff.

Oh, cliff, cliff.

Don't

- Touch the hair, - Baby.

- I'm sorry. Cliff.

- Oh, oh, oh.

Cliff,

- Goddammit, woman.

I told you to watch the hair.

- I'm really sorry, cliff, but you get me so excited.

I just lose all control.

- Well, I guess I understand.

If I was you looking down at me,

I guess I'd lose control too.

- Oh, cliff. Oh, oh, cliff.

I think, I think I, I think I, I think

- I'm, - I think I should get outta here.

You know, maybe Chip is right.

Maybe it is better being queer. Just kidding, baby.

You know how I feel about you, babe?

- Well, I thought I did,

but I'm beginning to have my doubts.

- Don't do it. Don't do it.

Oh no. Oh no. She's a vampire.

You idiot. That's great.

Walk right into the tomb.

- If I ask you nicely, can I take you home?

It's awful cold outside. And I'm tired of

- Being alone.

- I've been watching you. You've been watching me.

Though, the night seems at so much more

for us to see.

The night is young

We're both tired of ma

The night is young

- The Night is young

I can't promise I won't scratch.

I can't promise I won't bite.

But, I promise in the morning you'll be wearing a smile because you're glad about last night.

I think you feel the same, cause you smiled at me just now.

What you doing now? I'm studying for my history test.

- Have a hint for you.

- Oh, yeah. What? - Only study? What's gonna be on the

- Test - With hints like that?

I think I could give up studying altogether.

- I really am sorry. You know about before.

- Just a stupid joke. - Think you can forgive me.

- I'll think about - It.

Most

- Are gonna be in every window with the

I'm taking the girl with me

and everything else is up in the air.

I'm fighting for everything up here.

Radio, what I'm fighting for after going down to seven.

It's insane. We've, we've gotta have food down there.

We've got a right this your house. We've got a right.

You going down there with him? Well, yes or no.

This is your last chance. No beating around the bush.

Listen, I got a kid down there.

She can't, I couldn't bring her up here.

She can't possibly take all the racket and noise,

- You know, I was talking

to the guys about maybe doing something

great before we graduate.

Sort of leave our mark on the school,

throw an incredibly huge party or whatever.

Show those assholes with the red sports cars,

with the perfect haircuts.

- You mean like Bud, Muffin and the gang?

- Yeah. Assholes like that.

It's a joke where they worship

themselves and their fraternities.

Bud thinks he's like Zeus in the Parthenon.

I don't know why. Really? What I kinda like

to show those guys, guys like us could do something bigger

and better than they could ever imagine.

- I know you could. - Thanks.

- Gotta get back to the house. It's almost time for class.

- What if we throw a party and nobody comes?

- The lady at the loan office should be here.

That's one for sure.

- Oh, better order more beer.

- We've gotta make sure this party's best as it can be.

We want everyone to be here.

- What if everyone turns out to be no one?

We've gotta make sure that that doesn't happen. All right?

Hmm. Introduction, history of the chapter.

Very good. Student statistics,

demographics, socioeconomic status of the prototype student.

It just might do it. Do we have enough money

to FedEx this over at the national office?

Address it to the Grand Master president. Save Riverfield.

- Hey, it's time for let's make a match.

- I can't believe people actually volunteer

to take this abuse.

- I tried out once, but they didn't take me.

- So tell us all the gory details of

what happened on your date.

- Well, he picked me up late,

but I knew he was that type by the way

he was on the phone.

- What do you mean? The way he was on the phone?

- Well, you know, he just had

that attitude like he was God's gift

to women or something.

- Be Serious

Melody. The only reason I was late was

because your father wanted to play 20 questions. He

- Just wanted to make sure you weren't a pervert.

- No, he wanted to go on the date.

- Oh, don't guys, don't bring daddy into this. I

- Want 75 more dollars.

- I don't have to take this.

- Do I?

- Are these are these people from central casting or what?

- When you first laid eyes on her.

- That worthless sack of shit.

Richie really messed things up with Muffin. Now I am pissed off!

- Let's

- Do it.

I'm really starting to consider that option,

but it still seems a bit harsh to me.

- Hey, do you guys think I'm getting too big?

- I'm gonna go over there and I'm gonna have a man to,

dweeb talk with little Richie.

I mean, he got me into this, right?

The least he can do is get me out of it.

And if that doesn't work, then can I kick his ass?

- And what she was wearing, Hank, let me tell you,

she looked like the horror of Babylon.

- Ugh. What exactly does the horror of Babylon look like?

- She's sitting right next to you. Hank, take

- A look.

You bastard. Oops. Can I say that on TV?

- Well, you just did.

So anyway, if you'd like to take Bob out again,

we'll be glad to pay for it.

- Well, Bob, would you like to try it again?

- I can't believe this shit. - Melody.

- I was hoping you'd ask.

- Well, all right, Bob, come out and join us on stage.

Isn't that beautiful folks? Another happy couple on

come on, say it with me.

- Let's make a match.

- Now, - Remember, all participating couples will receive a

case of turtle wax and Rice A Roni, the San Francisco treat.

- Richie, just the dweeb I came to see.

- Gosh, Bud, I'd really love

to stand here and shoot the breeze with you.

But let's make a mass just stand.

And that means Marriage On Trial is up next.

I'd really hate to miss it. Gosh, Bud

how did that happen?

- I don't know. Why don't you tell me?

- Gee, Bud. I don't know. I did just fine on it.

- Well, we'll just consider this a friendly little warning.

It won't happen again, right?

- I guess you're just gonna have to study a little harder.

I think your friend needs some help

- Warning you.

No funny stuff.

- Who was - That? Just some vacuum cleaner salesman.

- What? You know what it was Bud, wasn't it?

- Yeah. He wanted to invite us over to the Zeta house

for dinner when I told him we couldn't make it.

boy was he disappointed.

- You should be careful. Sometimes your little tricks

can backfire, you know?

- I know. But if someone wants

to give me something, I take it.

If they want to hit me, I run.

- Oh, - Bud is so sweet.

He didn't do too well on his anthropology midterm.

So he's gonna study harder just for me. Gosh, Muffin.

That is so sweet.

What's the sweetest thing Bud's ever done for you?

Oh, I don't know. That's a hard one.

He's done so many things.

That is an unfair question.

They're such little boys. What would they do without us?

I don't know.

Oh, just talking about them makes me miss Bud.

Me too. I wonder what Cliff is doing right now.

Oh, you know, he is probably bragging to the guys about

how wonderful you are.

Oh, but I bet Bud cuts in with

you're just his dream come true.

Oh, now I really miss him.

Let's go over to the house. Okay.

- Lambda Alpha Ada, brother Richard Spencer speaking.

Can I help you?

- Hello, Richard. This is Sid Witherspoon.

- Yes sir. What can I do for you?

- Well, we received your proposal.

- And - To be perfectly honest with you, Richard,

I was very impressed.

Unfortunately, the brothers felt

that it would be inappropriate

to send funds on such short notice,

especially since it obviously is not an emergency.

However, I have decided personally to make a small donation

of say, $500.

- Thank you, sir. - Goodbye, Richard.

- Thanks again, sir. Thank you very much.

- Well, did we get un paquito bit'o dinero? Come on, Richie.

Don't keep us on the edge of our seats

Well, not as much as we'd like, but we did get $500.

- Whoa

- Muffin, honey.

It's not what you think.

- Oh my God. - It's like my worst nightmare.

- We were just playing hide and seek, right guys? Yeah.

- Yeah. We were just - Queering off.

- If you say that again, I'll kick your ass. Shut up.

No honey. We were just, we were working out.

- It looks more like you were working it in and out.

- That doesn't, I'm gonna kick your ass

- And - So every day I move one seat closer to her,

- Maybe by the end of the semester you'll be in the

same classroom.

- I've already gotten into the same row.

- I guess marriage is just around the corner.

- You know, she did ask me what time it was yesterday.

Do you think that means anything? Yeah,

- It means she forgot her watch. Hey,

- You know, I think you're doing the right thing TK.

I followed a girl around for four years once.

- What happened? - She graduated

- So much for the thrill of the chase.

- Don't worry about it.

The night of the party, they'll be taking numbers.

- Oh my God. Oh my God.

Oh my God. What are we gonna tell the girls?

What do I tell daddy?

- God, - We have got to swear not

to tell a soul about anything we saw.

Oh, you're right. Our reputations would be shot.

Oh, I'd love to get back at those bastards.

- All right, so let's figure out what

we're gonna need for this party.

We're gonna need some food and some beer. No shit.

Would you lighten up? Yeah. Lighten up.

Hey, how do we know how much we need? I don't know.

How do you even know anyone's coming?

What's your problem, man? Well, he does have a point, huh?

We've gotta make sure everyone,

and I do mean everyone knows about this party.

Well, how are we gonna do that?

We'll have to advertise. You mean like on radio

- And TV?

- No, I mean with flyers and ads in the school paper.

Scott, could you find out how much a half page ad costs if

you wanna have the party next Saturday night?

We'll probably wanna run ads every day and next week.

I already know. I had to place an ad

for the Young Capitalist Club annual takeover toga

party last semester.

And? The ad costs $96.

So if you wanna run the ad every day next week,

we're already outta money.

- Hmm. - There must be some way.

Wait a minute.

Yeah. So the fire marshal came by

and he said all the fire extinguishers need to be replaced

and the smoke alarms were inadequate.

Now here's the kicker. This is the one that got me.

He said we have to install a fire escape

from the second floor.

Now I know you don't want us taking any chances

and jeopardizing the well-being of any of your brothers.

So I took the liberty of getting a couple of estimates

total came to $4,700.

Now I will be sending you the estimates,

but I figured you'd want to get the work started right up

because the fire marshal did say he would come by

and he would close us down.

- You're absolutely right Richard.

And you handled this admirably.

I'll call an emergency meeting

and send the money over this afternoon.

- Lambda Alpha Ada forever. Sir.

- Goodbye. Richard. Richard, Mr. Spencer,

it's young men like you that make me proud

to be a Lamba Alpha Ada.

- Thank you, sir. And by the way,

we are having a big rush party Saturday night,

so maybe you could stop by.

- I'll try and make it Richard. Goodbye.

- Why'd - You invite him to the party? He is paying for it.

And besides his office is in Dallas or some shit.

He's not gonna fly out for some rush party.

Scott, make the ads. Full page.

Greatest party in the history of the world.

Lambda Alpha Ada fraternity.

That's us Saturday 9:00 PM

- Woo.

So are you girls coming to the big party Saturday night?

I'm sure you've heard about it. It's all over school.

- Well, we have other plans.

- Oh really? Is Bud and Cliff taking you two out somewhere?

Yeah, we were gonna go out to dinner and maybe a movie.

That's too bad.

I know Richie and the guys were hoping

that everyone would be there.

- Well, to be perfectly honest with you,

we broke up with our boyfriends.

- I'm sorry. Don't be. They were

- Jerks worse than that.

They were.

- Well, don't let that stop you from coming to the party.

There'll be lots of guys there

and I can introduce you to some of Richie's friends.

- How can you be so nice to us?

Especially after the way we spoke about Richie's fraternity.

- Yeah. What's in it for you?

I just like having friends a lot more than enemies.

Besides it's a party. The more the merrier.

- Well, thanks Diane. And I'm sorry about the way I spoke

about you before.

Me too. We were the ones going out

with, I mean geeks.

- Does that mean you'll be at the party then? Great.

- And I want you guys to look sharp on Saturday night.

Do you guys have suits or something?

- I do. - Do we really have to get dressed up?

- I don't have a suit. Come on you guys.

This is our last chance to really do something

before we graduate.

My uncle owns a store downtown.

I'm sure he'll give you a good deal.

- Well, the clothes make the man,

- I guess I can use the suit for job interviews.

- Hi, - Look what the cat dragged in.

- I'll leave. Get over here. I had a funny feeling you'd say

- That.

I know I didn't wanna disappoint you.

So you think we're gonna pull it off?

- What do you mean - Party?

- Of course you will.

No, really, everyone I know will be here.

I talked to Bambi and Muffin at the Alpha Meeta

today. And they'll be here.

- Bud and Cliff. - No, they broke up.

- Do you know why - They didn't say?

And they're not exactly good friends of mine,

so it didn't seem right to ask.

I felt really bad for them. Why?

- No one was forcing him to go out with those bone heads?

- I know. Well anyway, I told 'em I'd introduce

'em to some of the guys.

- You did? - Yeah. Why not?

- Guess there's no reason why not.

I just don't see Bambi or Muffin going out with Walla or TK.

- I think you underestimate these guys.

They're all really sweet. Girls are only interested

in the GQ jock type. I go out with you, don't I?

- Gosh. - In all this time.

I thought you were going out with me

for my stunning good looks and amazing athletic abilities.

- Come on guys. It's not so bad. Come on guys.

It's not so bad. You idiot.

If those bitches shoot off their mouths, man.

Our reps are shot

- Reps. We already did our reps.

- Our reputations. Chip reputations.

If you'll notice, we were not too thrilled when

bam and Muffin walked in.

It was supposed to be our little secret.

Yeah, but but nothing.

We've gotta make this up to the girls. Gimme the phone.

- Hello. - Hi Muffy. This is Bud.

- Don't even try to sweet talk me if I only knew

how sweet you really were.

- Oh, come on. But that's all behind me.

- I know it is. That's the problem.

- Okay. Okay, so I made a little mistake.

I promise it won't happen again, honey.

- Oh, you mean me and Bambi walking in on you

and your boyfriends?

- No, listen. Okay. Enough with the jokes. Okay.

Look, cliff and I feel bad. We wanna make it up to you.

How about like dinner and a movie Saturday night?

- I'm sorry bud, but Bambi

and I already have plans for Saturday night.

- What do you mean you already have plans?

- Well, Bambi

and I have been invited to that big party over at

the Lambda house

- Son of a Bitch.

- Well, bud, goodbye.

I hope you and the boys have a good time.

- Mu Muffin. What about the wedding? The house, the photos.

My job. Muffy, are you there? Muffin.

Muffin.

It's over. Are you serious?

Unfortunately, I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna finally do it.

I'm gonna kick his ass.

You know, if you would've let me do this in the first

place, none of this would've happened.

He's got a point, bud. Come on. We gotta do it, bud.

Okay. Okay. We'll do it.

But we're gonna do it right in front

of everybody at their little party on Saturday night.

Once those girls see what studs we are,

they'll come running back to us.

- I laid my heart on the line one too many times

- And - I put myself out to dry and read between the lines

I don't need

- Nobody who.

Who's going to tell me what to do

I need love

I need love

I need love

I don't need no attention from some pathetic fool.

I don't need no caressing from

- Some whore I might meet in my school.

- I don't - Need nobody who

- Who's gonna tell me what to do

I need love

I need love

I need love

- Well, it's eight 30 an hour from

now. The place will be packed.

- Well, I, I just - Hope that the lady from

the loan office shows

- Up.

Does this lady have a name?

- Oh hell. Doesn't matter. I'll just call her ma'am. Anyway,

- Out of respect, of course.

- You know that girl I was telling you about?

- You mean the one that you've gotten

into the same row with?

- No, no. It's better than that. See,

I was one seat away from her on Thursday.

So yesterday I was next to her

- And - I overheard her talking

and I heard her saying that she was gonna be at the party.

- That's good, TK. - I'll get it.

- Let me, I think I know who it is.

- Hi.

- Hi. - Is that for me?

- Yeah, it's - Thanks.

- You're welcome. - Well, aren't you gonna let me in?

- Are you gonna let me in? - Yes. Now get outta my way.

- Damn. I wasn't seeing it with my own eyes.

I wouldn't believe it. I know. It's great.

It's her. Ooh, it's the lady from the loan office.

Hi Charles. Hi.

I'm so glad you could invite me to your little party.

Yeah. I'm really glad that you can come,

but I need to be here.

I'm glad about both. Can I get you something to drink,

- Please?

- Well, it's looking like a success.

I don't think this old house can hold too many more people.

I'm not surprised.

I can't wait to do it.

Yeah, well you're gonna have to wait a little while.

You gotta wait until the party's really happening.

Before we make our entrance, we wanna make sure our,

our our ex babes are there to cheer us on.

They're not our ex babes.

That's the whole point of all this. Gimme another beer.

Oh man. I can't believe it. Believe What? The party.

It's great. What's so great about standing

around and yelling at each other?

Oh no.

Hi. Umm

You don't know me, but um

- Yes I do

You're the guy from my civic class that's been moving one seat closer to me every day.

That is you, isn't it? Yeah.

I'm, I'm sorry if I made it obvious.

I think it's cute. You wanna dance?

Do I, do I wanna dance? I'm a dancing fool.

Let's go.

- Girl.

- She's a really nice girl.

But you look better than people are supposed to

be able to look.

You don't look so bad yourself Mr. She's got shake. Yeah.

- Yeah - I'm really sorry about before. - Yeah, I know

Hey, I was wondering if you'd be my girlfriend.

That's what I get for asking.

You're lucky I don't tick your ass all together. Thank you.

God.

Gosh.

- It's been so long since we've been on the open market.

I know. I think I've forgotten how to act.

You have to act so phony

and artificial when you first meet people.

- I hate that. - Oh, me too.

- Scotts standing all alone over there. I'm gonna go talk to him.

Okay, I'll go mingle.

Hey, what's up? Not much.

Why are you standing over here by yourself?

If I were you, I go shopping. Yeah.

Well you're not me and I don't want to go shopping.

What's the matter with you? For starters,

I don't like parties.

I go to so few of them. I forgot how much I hate them. Why?

It started in junior high.

See, I liked this girl and she said she

- Liked me too.

So I was gonna meet her at this party.

- And - So I told all my friends about it. Right?

- What? She didn't show up. - Who the fuck cares?

- No, it's much worse than that. She showed up.

All right. When she was with

- A guy.

- Am I supposed to take you seriously?

You don't like parties Just because some prepubescent bimbette didn't meet you by the water fountain after school.

Why don't you pick up your chin

and zero in on that door as soon

as something decent walks in, be all over her

and get yourself something to drink for Christ's sake.

Hey babe. You see any gold medals lying

around here by any chance?

No. Why?

Well, I was here 15 minutes ago

and now I can't find them. Hey babe.

Seriously? I know I've seen you before.

No, let me think Athens?

Pierre?

maybe I know.

Two years ago. Freshman college. I don't think so.

Have we met? No. Let's say you and

- I tear up the town.

- Okay.

Lambda alpha Ada guys. Think about it.

Yeah, well, we'll talk later.

Cliff, What are you gonna do if this doesn't work?

What do you mean if the babes don't take us back?

I don't know. You know,

guess we'll find some other babes to sponge off of.

That is exactly what I was thinking. You know what they say?

Great thinkers think alike.

Hey, when are we gonna go over this?

It's getting kind of late.

Hold your horses. We got plenty of time.

Muffy. Are you ready? Yeah.

- I'm kind of nervous. Me too.

Let's practice on each other.

- What? - You be the girl and I'll be the guy.

What? Let's pretend we're meeting at the party

for the first time.

Oh, okay.

- Okay. Hey

babe, you come here often.

- When I'm not out spending daddy's money. Bam.

We don't need to practice. It's all coming back to me now.

Me too. Let's go. Okay.

- So - I rigged up the system

where I could keep re-qualifying

for student loans as a freshman.

Made $35,001 year.

The only thing is it's all gonna come back and haunt me now

after I graduate.

- Oh little boy. And just how much do you owe?

- Well, to be exact

$248,962

and change

- My poor - Little baby.

Do you

- Want mumsy to make it all better?

- Hello ladies. I don't believe I've had the pleasure

of making your acquaintance.

- I'm Muffin and this is, Bambi

- I'm Scott Fields and this - Is my fraternity.

Wow.

- It's like really happening.

- Yeah. Well we Lambda's just can't get in enough parties.

- I'm going to get something to drink.

Well, hi, you big berry clump.. You want to get "teebed"?

- I guess so. - Oh, cowabunga. Let's hit the sun.

- The song. You know

- I'm talking about the beach wahine.

- I guess not.

- Oh dumb. The bitch don't even want to get wet.

- It was nice meeting you babe.

But do you think you could get lost for a while

so I can talk to these men?

So, uh, you guys like what you see?

- Yeah, where to I sign? Me, too.

Who do I make the checkout to?

I wish it were that easy guys.

But unfortunately we are forced

to turn away far more guys than we could possibly pay.

- But - It's near the end of the semester

and I might be able to slip you two in

but it's near the end of the semester

and I might be able to slip you three in,

- But - It's near the end of the semester.

And I might - Be able to slip you four in..

and remember Lambda Alpha Ada forever, guys

There, There

- Doesn't that feel better?

I'll push one little button on my computer.

And make it all Better.

- Yeah, well I I didn't want

to pull out those same old lines

'cause I could tell you were different.

- You took quite a chance though.

- Well, not really. I mean, you're here, aren't you?

And I mean, let's face it,

you were pretty obvious when you announced in front

of the whole class you were gonna be here.

- Got me on that one

Is time

- Yes.

- Do you think the babes are there yet?

Well, if they're not, we'll just impress some other ones.

Oh, good idea Bud. Chip. Yeah, bud.

We're not gonna need those. But you promised.

Come on, let's go.

- Oh gosh. It's really different kissing

someone who means it.

What? Nevermind.

What are those? - Signed pledged cards.

Twenty-two and the night is young.

Damn, that wasn't even part of the deal.

I know, but it'll help pacify

with a screen if you ever finds out about those estimate

one of these days.

Charles, I brought you another drink.

- Isn't that nice? Uh, Vanna,

I I want you to meet my friend Richie

and his girlfriend Diane.

- Very nice to meet you.

- You know Richie is the, the president

of the fraternity. Oh,

- How very nice.

- Nice to meet you. - Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you.

Hi guys. Hey,

- This is Michelle.

- Hi. Hi Richie.

Ritchie, can I talk to you? Can you excuse us for a sec?

- What's up? - She wants to see My room. - So show it to to her?

- Well uh, - What's the problem?

- Do you have any con you know,

- Prophylactic?

- Thanks dude. - Any questions?

- I've never really used one.

- It's, it's no big deal.

You just open it up and roll it on.

- Open it up and and roll it on. Lemme roll it on.

Okay, I got it.

well, what have we here? It's

- Called a party bud.

- No shit. It's called a party.

You know, for a guy as smart as he is, he's pretty stupid.

That was a good one bud.

- You know, I'd offer you guys something to drink,

but from the looks of things you're all pretty hammered

and I doubt that you could handle anymore.

- You kidding? There isn't enough beer in this

barn to knock me out. Well,

- W.O.L.A., would you get our friends something to drink?

- We're not here, honestly. I think we're here, here

to kick your ass.

- How nice of you to make a house call.

- Don't make trouble

- Hey, your little boy already in enough trouble

- You touch her again and I'll kill you.

- Little Richie's pretty protective

of his main squeeze, isn't he?

You son of a--

what the hell is going on here?

Look, it's the women's auxiliary of the Zeta Alpha Mu.

What? You think you could bad-mouth me?

Just because I broke up with you.

- You broke up with me.

I'm the one who did the breaking.

Breaking you and your boyfriends out of your lover's knot.

- So that's why you Yeah, me

and Bambi walked in

and these guys, these three here,

they were - Shut up.

Bambi baby. I've been looking all over for you.

They were, they weren't doing nothing.

They were just working out. That's my girl.

They were working in and out.

Muffy!

That's all I can stand. You are gonna die, bitch.

- You know, someone should have taught you some manners.

We don't talk that way to women around here.

- Oh yeah. Why don't you make me,

- Why don't I make you what?

- I don't know. What am I supposed to say?

- Why don't you just say goodbye?

- Maybe we should clear out Bud. No way.

I'm not leaving here until I kick someone's ass.

I don't think this is our night, Bud.

I guess you're right. But mark my words

Spencer, you haven't heard the last of this.

I'll be right back.

- Mr. Witherspoon, - Glad you decided to drop by.

- You know, I just got through telling the guys

how great it would be if you could actually be

- Here.

Cut the crap. Spencer, where's the action

- Right inside

So did you use it? - Yeah, but um can I take it off now?

You haven't taken it off yet? No.

Go ahead.

It's a joke, right? What do you mean?

We'll talk later?

Go for it!

May I have this dance?

- Yes

- Great party, rich. Catch you. You later see you.

So you'll be calling us, right? I'll do my best.

Thanks Richie. Take care. Good luck.

I guess I better be going. Just stay here tonight.

Oh, okay.

Hey, what happened to your guys dates?

Oh, Vanna's upstairs waiting.

So is Muffin - TK? - Michelle's upstairs.

Everybody synchronize your watches. It's 12:07.

Hey, what are you doing? This is a landmark opportunity.

Gentlemen. Do you realize that this has

to be the first time in Lambda history

that an entire chapter,

and I do mean all the brothers will be drilling

for oil at the same time.

Count me in.

No. Okay.

Don't let anything happen until 12:27.

I love it when a plan comes together.

Let's not press our luck.

Oh shit

- Charles.

- Honey,

- I - Have to do my evening calisthenics first.

- I am waiting.

- You've got a nice tight body in a tight white skirt

and you know how to use it for whatever that's word

with your physical attention,

but not so much with your hidden affect.

First impression.

- Ooh - Charles.

- Cut. Cut.