Original subtitles

Jakey! Wakey, wakey!

Yeah, my brother Caleb is visiting.

I know, it was a surprise to me, too.

But he and Melissa really hit it off last time he was here,

and when she found out he was coming to Philly

to apply for a personal training job,

she invited him to come stay with us.

In my room.

In my bed.

I miss my bed.

Good morning, sunshine. Ya hungry?

Scrambled eggs and smiley face pancakes?

Uh-huh. What is this, Heaven?

Where are my pancakes? Oh, yeah.

Sorry, I ran out of batter.

But I threw the first one in the trash

if you want to dig it out.

I still don't understand

why Caleb can't sleep in the guest room.

I told you, because the guest room's

for guests-- Caleb's family.

Mel, do you think that maybe, um,

Jacob could come to my room later?

Because-- well, I like-- I rearranged the furniture

and made a really sweet fort.

You can have whoever you want for company. It's your room.

No, it's not! Yes, it is, dude. Mel said.

No, it's not. She said.

I pay rent, Caleb, okay? It's my room. I called dibs, okay? I--

You all are doing so well.

And you did excellent on these tests.

So now we are moving on to explore the deep blue sea.

Yay!

Things are really good.

I'm down to 37 students...

because I lost a few at the mall.

Not lost lost.

Lost because they transferred to other schools.

I mean, I'm so sad about it. I miss them so much.

So who can tell me what is the largest body of water on Earth?

You need to be more... Pacific.

You see what I did there?

Hey, Janine. You having a good day?

Yeah. Yeah.

Excellent.

So, things going well?

They are. Yeah.

So, you enjoying life?

Thanks for asking. Actually, I am.

Not anymore. Come on in, y'all.

Um, Ava, who are these children?

Oh, these are transfers from MacDowell Elementary.

Remember, they stole our construction crew,

and then we stole them back so we could get out of that mall?

Yeah. Well, their floor collapsed,

and then the city condemned their school, so here you go.

Okay, but I'm already at 37 students,

so five more is gonna put me at... 42.

That is correct, Constance. Great job.

Good luck, girl. No. A-Ava.

O-Okay.

Everyone, settle. Settle down!

And what are your names?

Everything okay, bud?

You're staring at that coffee maker

like it just broke your heart.

Yeah, I forgot to put in a new pod.

It's fine. I'm just gonna drink the leftover ground water.

Good God, woman. Why not just brew a new cup?

Whoa! Hot. Gross.

I don't have the energy. My class is off the walls.

What is the word for over overwhelmed?

In English or Polish?

Swamped. Crushed. Distressed.

I just can't believe Ava dumped all

those extra kids on you.

Oh, and you've got Julissa in your class.

That little girl alone has enough energy

to power a small city.

Her parents are actually getting her tested for ADHD soon,

so there might be an explanation for that.

But she's not even a problem.

The problem is the sheer volume of children

and also the children's volume.

Hmm.

Anyway, I am now off to the basement

to see if I can find more desks.

You know, I'm glad Julissa's getting tested.

Yeah, me too.

Maybe she can get some medication for that.

I just hope they really test her

and don't just throw a pill at her the way they used to.

Oh, yeah. Remember the '90s?

They were tossing out Ritalin like Skittles

to kids who didn't raise their hand before talking.

It was just easier to find a one-size-fits-all shortcut.

Mm-hmm. That's right.

Sometimes I don't even know if we need medication. Mnh-mnh.

I have ADHD, and if taking medication for it is a shortcut,

then it's a shortcut I choose every day.

Do you guys think I could pull that off?

No. No.

Why not? You don't have the calves.

Alan Cumming, on the other hand...

stunning.

Eh, you know what?

None of his outfits really do it for me.

Yeah, they're all just so loud. Mm.

We get it.

Seems like he's trying so hard.

And I know it sounds crazy, but that is when Elijah and I

fell in love with honky tonk.

Mm. Jacob, enough with the honk talk.

Gregory and Melissa, you're up next

on the P.E. rotation.

Alright. Wait, wait, wait.

We still need a gym teacher.

My brother Caleb's looking for a job.

I mean, he was hoping to get hired to reflate The Rock,

but I bet he would do this.

I have so many other priorities before I hire a gym teacher.

Like leaving this conversation.

Yeah, stop trying to weasel your way

into Ava's inner circle.

It's just me and her against the world.

I mean, guys, don't you think Caleb would kill it?

Didn't he actually kill Melissa's uncle?

No, no, he just didn't know how to check for a pulse,

and so he wrongly pronounced him dead.

But he's learned, he's grown.

Okay, listen, I love Caleb like he's my son.

But the thing about teaching P.E.

is you got to be a coach to these kids.

You got to treat them like tiny little players

on a tiny little football team so you can get the most

out of their tiny little bodies.

Yeah, I think we can handle it

'til we get a real replacement.

I mean, not to brag,

but I'm somewhat of a gym shark myself.

Never met a leg day I didn't like.

Then accept my squat challenge.

No.

I've seen Mr. J's quadriceps.

Ain't no joke.

If he were to beat me, that would damage

my impression of myself.

And I'm not risking that.

And that's when you tell the one, "Oh, you carried."

What was that? I dropped my pen.

Dropped your...

Whoa!

No. No, no, no, no.

I don't know what they do in your other school,

but this classroom is a no flip zone, okay?

Where did you get that?

My quiver. Duh.

Stop aiming that at me.

Stop walking where I'm aiming.

You pick something to stare at,

and then you just kinda hurl your body into the air.

Cool. No. No, no, no, no flipping.

Especially you, Matty.

You have a low center of gravity.

You can't handle it. No!

Oh! Oh!

I need a teacher's aide.

Oh. What did you say?

I need a teacher's aide.

Get your sweaty palms off my desk.

Why do you need an aide?

You can't handle a couple more kids?

No, I can't, okay?

A couple of kids just sent it over the tipping point,

and now they are out of control.

I need help. You can say that again.

I'll see what I can do before you flip out.

Why-- Why would you say flipping?

N-Nobody's flipping.

This is why I need a "goodbye" sign.

Get out my office, weirdo.

And tomorrow we will learn about

one of the worst sequels ever made-- World War II.

Hey. You got a minute?

Yeah.

I could use some advice.

Oh. Come in. Sit.

Let me share my wisdom.

I don't want to make a big thing of this,

but that conversation in the lounge yesterday,

I can't shake it.

I totally hear you. 100% on the same page.

But what are you talking about?

Well, you know, Mrs. Howard and Ms. Schemmenti were talking,

and Mrs. Howard shared some opinions

that didn't sit right with me.

'Cause I'm that way, so it was a little offensive.

Oh, my God. I-I didn't realize you were...

Well, I am.

I caught Barb's microaggression

when she called Alan Cumming loud.

But I didn't know anybody else had.

My gaydar clearly needs a tune-up

because it did not go off at all.

It's so nice to finally have

another queer teacher at this school.

I don't like to talk about it. It's just...

I don't think Mrs. Howard really gets the struggle.

Pbht. No, she does not.

And it was hard hearing her being so flippant about it.

Mm. I hear you, brother.

Do they talk like that often?

You know, it's sad, I barely even notice anymore.

Does anyone else know?

No. You're the only person I've told at Abbott.

Well, what about your family?

How did-- How did they handle it?

They kinda knew all along. Yeah.

Explained a lot.

Well, I promise, it gets better.

It has. Yeah. See, you get it.

But, you know, if it's bothering you, you could talk to Barbara.

I don't know. I don't want to rock the boat.

You know what? Why don't I talk to her?

I will leave your name out of it.

Sometimes I can be so subtle

it's like I said nothing at all.

Daniel, sit down.

Guys, stop doing that dance. It is inappropriate.

Why?

I can't even explain.

Ugh.

It's always some struggle with you.

Is that what you came in here to say?

Yes.

And also, good news. I got you an aide.

Oh. In fact, I got you the best aide

this district has to offer.

She's multitalented,

multifaceted, multi-award winning.

Holder and defender

of the Best Teacher's Aide Certificate

three years and counting...

Oh, no. ...Ashley Garcia!

I'm ba-- Oh, oh.

I'm back. I'm back.

Where are your shoes?

Oh.

Ashley, why don't you just go

introduce yourself to the students

while I just talk with Ava really quickly?

Okay. Good idea. Yeah. Put your shoes on.

Hey, everyone.

I'm Ms. Garcia,

and I hope you're thirsty because I'm a Cool-Aide!

She said Cool-Aide.

Yeah.

Ava, I asked you for help. Not a 43rd student.

Well, she's the only aide available,

so take her or leave her.

I'd like to leave her, please.

Well, you can't.

See, this is why I never help you.

I already filled out the paperwork,

and you need to be careful what you beg for.

What do you want me to do, send out another email?

C'mon, Ms. Teagues, you gotta get in on this.

No, no. Can you stop?

You know what that means.

Set, hut.

Are you sitting, or are you leaning?

Leaning.

Come on. Sit like you mean it.

Really sit into it. Knees 90 degrees.

Core activated.

Feel that burn. Feels good, doesn't it?

No.

You call that the brotherly shove?

What is that? It is fourth and two.

There are three seconds left on the clock.

Do you even wanna make the playoffs?

Can we play a normal game like tag?

You want to play tag instead of practicing

the most effective play in the history of football?

Now get to tush pushing!

Come on.

The last 30 seconds are the most rewarding.

Do not stop now.

We getting to the end of the rainbow.

May I have a word with you?

Please come in.

I want to talk to you about something

you said the other day

when you were talking to Melissa.

I just want to encourage you to be a little more thoughtful

when you speak and to consider the people around you.

To whom and what are you referring?

I am not at liberty to say.

Well, Jacob, if I wanted to read a mystery novel,

I would go to the library.

So please leave.

I have gold stars to distribute.

Look, just be careful what you say and who you say it around,

especially when bi-con Alan Cumming is involved.

I do not understand what it is you are talking about.

But if I agree with you, will you go away?

Absolutely.

Wonderful. Thank you.

Have a seat, please.

Guys, what is with the paper?

Um, do you mind keeping it down in here?

Some of us are trying to work.

Not me, but some of us.

Well, this isn't working. Ashley is making things worse.

Oh, no, this isn't an invitation

for you to complain.

Figure it out.

Okay, guys. Quiet coyote.

Quiet coyote.

Ocean, put that arrow down!

Constance, get away from the sink!

Jahmir, no. Drop the chalk.

Take that out of your mouth.

Hey, Marissa. I said no tattoos, okay?

If you want to calm them down, I know a trick.

I mean, by all means, Ashley.

Your help is welcome at any time.

Except for now.

Who is that and why am I looking at him?

It's Paul Walter Hauser as Richard Jewell

from the movie "Richard Jewell."

Look, if you just hold up this picture of him,

the kids will be quiet.

It works every time.

Ashley, I've been teaching for a very long time now,

so I'm not exaggerating when I say

that is the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

Look, it's been three years since you saw me.

I've learned a lot, Watched a lot of movies.

I'm a three-peat Aide of the Year

with a thousand followers on Letterboxd.

You think those things aren't related?

Alright, here's what we're gonna do.

We'll split the classroom into two, okay?

You take the left side, I'll take the right side.

Okay.

I said, you take the left side.

Oh, you meant left left.

I thought you meant stage left. My bad.

Proper stretching prevents injury, okay?

So focus up. Where are y'all going?

Lissa! Hey.

Jacob and Caleb. What are you doing here?

So I overheard some students saying that

they weren't having the most amazing time in gym class.

No. You heard wrong.

'Cause they love this class.

No, we hate it.

She hates everything. She got an attitude.

Look, I just thought maybe you could use some help,

and so I brought Caleb.

Maybe he could take the wheel for a little bit.

Look, I know you guys look at me

and you just see a ripped TikTok trainer,

but I'm more than that.

I was also a ripped camp counselor for five years

and a ripped junior trainer in the kid's zone at my last gym.

I can do it.

Just give the boy a chance.

Come on, put me in, coach.

Okay, here. Fine.

These are the plays we're working on.

Whistle. Good luck. Whistle, plays...

Start with seven sets of Bulgarian split squats, okay?

Oh, oh. Play nice.

Attention fitness freaks!

Who's ready to have some fun, huh?

Fun? Yeah, physical education is not supposed to be fun.

Yeah, man, it's supposed to make you hate your life.

Yes. Is nothing sacred anymore?

Then reach up. Very good, very good.

Okay, keep that going. I'll be right back.

Hey, what do you guys think?

How am I doing out there?

I mean, it's not what I would have done,

but the kids do seem to be enjoying themselves.

Yeah, you are weirdly good at this.

Why? What is your secret?

It's my job.

Kids don't need to burn as many calories

or gain muscle mass like adults do.

I knew that.

Plus, you know, they actually like these activities.

That little girl's asleep.

No, no, that's called corpse pose.

It's great for recovery. Mm-hmm.

Oh, wait. No. No, yeah. She's asleep.

Also great for recovery.

Bye, y'all. Enjoy your lunch.

Bye.

Hey, Dom.

What's up?

So I had a very productive conversation with Barb.

It's just that generation, you know.

Thanks, man. It just gets to me sometimes.

Like, what if she said something like that to a student?

Exactly. But, um, she heard me,

and don't worry.

I did not tell her you were gay.

Okay, good.

Uh, why would you?

No, I would never.

It-- It is your truth to share.

It's not, though.

Yeah. No, I-I get it.

It wasn't easy for me to come out, either.

But you are not alone.

I'm also not gay. Yeah, okay.

Yeah, I just feel like we're going backwards here, man.

You know, I already know.

Remember? You told me.

No, I didn't, because I'm not gay.

Is this what you talked to Mrs. Howard about?

No?

Or, rather, yes. But kinda no.

So if you're not gay,

what made you uncomfortable in the lounge?

I have ADHD.

Gay-DHD?

No. Straight-DHD. Damn.

I take medication for it, and it really helps me.

So when Mrs. Howard said...

stuff like that is part of the reason

why medication is still stigmatized.

Well, first of all, thanks for sharing that with me.

You're welcome. Second, uh...

we might have a bit more work to do with Barb,

but I could circle back and I could pretend

to get a call from my pharmacist and then--

You know what, man?

Thank you very much for all your help.

I'll take it from here.

Okay.

Ashley, my side can't focus!

I know that you think splitting up the classroom

is a good idea, but, and hear me out,

it is not working!

Oh, you don't think it's working?

No!

Is it time to bring down the house with Hauser?

Ashley, there is no way

a stupid picture of Paul Walter Hauser

is gonna calm down 42 second--

How?

Hey, hey, hey.

Back to reading.

I learned two years ago that much like a slice of cheese

being thrown on a crying baby's head,

Paul Walter Hauser as Richard Jewell

in "Richard Jewell" disorients the mind

of anyone under 12 years old into complete silence.

Trust me.

Hey, Ashley. Shh. We're reading.

It was me. Okay.

Can you make this quick? I'm getting to the good part.

Okay, um...

I owe you an apology.

Facts.

And I think you, like the FBI,

owe Richard Jewell an apology.

Yeah, I-I owe you both an apology.

Mm-hmm. I learned a lot in my first years of teaching,

and I shouldn't have assumed that

you wouldn't have done the same.

Thank you. Yeah.

Thank me. Thank you.

Of course, girl. What else y'all want to talk about?

How Janine's getting worse at teaching?

How she's lying about being short?

When has holding up a picture of a white man ever stopped me?

Think about it.

Why would she need those big ass feet

if her body's really small?

Mrs. Howard, can we talk?

Sure. What's on your mind?

Well, it's not something I usually talk about,

so it's kind of difficult for me to articulate.

Sweetheart, if you could just pick up the pace a bit, please.

I have a dinner date with my new grandbaby.

Well, the other day in the lounge,

something that you said bothered me.

Why is everybody talking in riddles?

And what am I saying?

I'm not good at the first one,

and I don't remember the second.

It was about ADHD.

Oh.

I have ADHD.

I was diagnosed in middle school.

You were always a rambunctious student,

but I had no idea.

Yeah, my doctor actually suggested medication,

but because of the stigma around it,

I didn't want to try it.

It wasn't until college

where I finally decided to give it a shot

and got a prescription.

It really helped me, and it still does.

I'm happy that you took action for yourself.

Thank you.

I worry that calling it a shortcut

might make some of the students feel ashamed.

First of all, I'm sorry

if I made you feel anything less than good, Dominic.

That is the last thing that I would want.

And I promise you, in the future,

I will be more careful about how I use my words.

I really appreciate that, Mrs. Howard.

Alright.

Anything else?

I'm not gay.

See you later. Okay.

He's got the first graders

playing freeze tag to practice balance.

Yeah, middles are Hula-Hooping

for focus and endurance.

Got the big kids doing yoga for flexibility.

I am so proud...

of myself for being right.

Hell yeah, little buddy.

That's that confidence we talked about.

Listen, Ava, I know he's my son.

Congratulations. Literally not.

The kid is undeniable. You got to hire him.

I only do nepotism hires for Black people.

Plus, he doesn't have his proper credentials.

You didn't have a single credential

when you started here, and... Right.

...that worked out...

kind of.

Sort of. Eventually. I mean, we're getting there.

Freeze tag rules. You're the best, Coach C.

Oh, no, you're the best, Lonnie.

Go, get in there. Look at that.

You have to hire him.

My God, okay, but only part time.

And he has to get all his credentials,

which I assume is just running a mile

and learning how to blow a whistle.

Maybe now I'll get my room back.

Maybe I'll never get my room back.

Now, the mini zen garden is great for focus.

Okay.

And the lava lamp is really good--

Let me guess that one. Mood regulation.

Close, but no. It just enhances grooviness.

Wow, you really have thought of everything.

It is amazing how locked in you are now.

I know, I know. Ashley. Come on.

My algorithm overheard O'Shon

talking about software deployment.

And now it thinks I'm an army wife.

I need you to reset it.

How many videos can you watch in an hour?

You wouldn't believe me if I told you.

Wait, wait, wait, wait. Ashley.

We're in the middle of something important.

Sorry, girl. You know I'm still deeply unserious.

Duty calls.

Oh, can you at least tell me what the hot sauce does?

Sprinkle it by the door.

You'll see.

I have no idea what it does,

but maybe, like me, it'll prove itself.

What the hell do you think you're doing?

I don't know, but we're about to find out.

I'll clean it up. Sorry.

Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth,

and nothing but the truth, so help you God?

Yes.

So you do this for all the new hires?

Uh-huh. Standard protocol.

First question, what's your full name?

Caleb Whitney Hill.

Are you sure about that?

Yes.

Interesting.

Where do you live?

At Jacob's house.

Sorry. At Melissa's house.

Which one is it? At Jacob's house--

I mean, at Melissa's house!

Earlier today, you and I did a squat challenge.

Who won?

By a landslide? Well, I did.

You-- You did, sir. You did, sir.

You're damn right I did.

Don't you ever forget it.